- 2 days ago
Davey & Jonesie's Locker Season 1 Episode 1- You Don't Belong Here - FULL
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00okay where do you wish we were right now instead of here okay Cleveland's saddest mall um anyone's
00:12board game night ooh the back half is no piercer but the movie not the train obviously can you
00:20believe that high school's this boring like we knew but we didn't know in the haunted way we
00:25don't know no if you told me that it was gonna be this like for forever we would be in a tasteful
00:30cult right now I'll tell you that God why is everyone so boring but us they're just a bunch
00:37of sad little sheep yeah doing their algebra chowing down a root beer challenge you know what
00:46we just have to get through the next two years and then we can do whatever we want more than we
00:51do now yeah Davey Jonesy seriously okay we'll go no no no please we're going your time we'd hate to
01:04inconvenience you yeah well you're all sheep yeah so father when I went to school in Olympia
01:14what do you do with a revolution
01:22I think that is their hobby and that's what's sad about it whoa
01:48uh Dana Jorby I just uh have two okay you have to know that's not our name don't care thank you
02:00how is that guy an actual human teacher I'm telling you man this school is the worst
02:10oh no a night of enchanted tolerance this school is determined to humiliate itself you know what the
02:23only thing worse than participating in sports is participating in the tragic archaic mating ritual
02:27that is the school dance
02:29oh dude
02:32I got what you want what you really really want looking at my lips then you'll never get enough
02:42it smells like candy
02:46yeah yo watch how fast I can drink this root beer
02:56hello something's wrong it really is why hormones you're better than this
03:06I'm sorry but am I the only one who sees this yes I mean I could I just choose not to
03:20remind me again why you two share a locker oh because my locker was next to the band room and
03:28then I had this argument with the jazz club about whether or not I am or am not in the jazz club
03:33wait you're in jazz club I don't know open when don't poke but sorry it's ultimately why we sold
03:38off her locker to that kid who sells the off-brand protein powder yeah now I share mine yeah but
03:43it's actually awesome because we have identical class schedules and there's plenty of room
03:47there she is old faithful oh god she's a beaut yeah googly eyes in the car battery that's cute
03:56oh oh we should have warned you are there magnets in there yeah it was a failed Halloween
04:02costume yeah it made sense at the time yep it's broken well I commend you on committing to the bit of
04:08being yourselves despite the resoundingly mixed reviews Davey Jonesy loving the outfit miss
04:16Debbie he's fun what's up principal neighbors oh god what isn't what okay are you two still sharing a
04:26locker I don't know you know girls you know what I've learned from my recent divorce and subsequent
04:35intensive therapy journey a lot of things but also how to read people yeah and while I am all about
04:41the power of hashtag female friendship I am sisterhood for life I and frankly a lot of the faculty have
04:48become concerned that your relationship has become codependent yeah to the point of being self alienating
04:54to your peer group principal neighbors I mean we've been over this right that that our relationship
05:00is cool and normal and that we haven't been alien alienizing anybody no we have other friends Emil hey
05:08buddy Emil Emil Emil Emil ouch that was hard to watch he was just here we were just laughing we're laughing
05:21I get it I get it why don't we take this conversation somewhere a little more safe and a little less how
05:27do I put this embarrassing for you okay let's step it off it's okay down the hall take the shame down the
05:31hall
05:39gentlemen it's finally ready tonight we take back what's ours now that our portal attunement devices
05:48are complete the hour of reckoning is close at hand tonight we take back the multiver what I need
06:01next period off to help with the dance committee why are you telling me this because you're the teacher
06:06oh right uh that's fine March yeah it's mark as I was saying tonight we take back the multiverse gentlemen
06:23oh
06:25oh
06:30oh
06:31okay
06:32oh
06:33oh
06:34okay
06:36oh
06:38oh
06:44oh
06:46oh
06:47Okay.
06:51Gratitude, confidence is power.
06:55Isn't that better?
06:56It's lavender, calming.
06:59Where were we?
07:00That's right, putting yourselves out there, taking risks.
07:05That's why I'm now an intermediate level
07:08Peruvian basket weaver,
07:10and why you two are joining the decorating committee
07:12for the dance tonight.
07:13Um, that's not really our thing.
07:16Yeah, we weren't actually gonna go to the dance
07:18because they're, I have this-
07:19But because we're so shy.
07:21I'm so shy, I don't, I'm just a little girl.
07:26Yeah, I'm gonna have to insist.
07:28You two can check in in the gym
07:30with Alexis and Sierra this afternoon.
07:31Cool, cool.
07:32And if we don't?
07:34If you don't, if I don't see a marked improvement
07:38in your general ability to engage
07:40with literally anyone but each other,
07:42I'm afraid I'm gonna be forced to separate you.
07:45Sorry.
07:46Sorry, did you say separate or did you say pizza party?
07:51Yeah, separate class schedules for a start,
07:54separate lockers, and if you push it,
07:56if you force my hand,
07:57then I will be forced to recommend to your parents
07:59that one of you transfer, transfer, transfer, transfer,
08:03transfer, transfer, transfer, transfer, transfer.
08:05Transfer!
08:06No, no, no, no.
08:08Hold me back.
08:09No, no.
08:10You have something evil in your eyes, and I see it.
08:14Okay, okay, okay.
08:15It doesn't have to come to that.
08:17But I just need to see some, ooh, how would I put it?
08:21Healthier behavior.
08:22I'm not asking for the moon here, girls.
08:26I just need you to be less...
08:27Ourself?
08:28Nope.
08:29Hey, no.
08:30You were kind of saying that.
08:31Pretty much gonna say that.
08:32No, I didn't say that,
08:33because I am all about letting your freak flag fly.
08:36Yeah.
08:36I am all for it.
08:37I love, I love to be freak.
08:39Yeah.
08:39You know what I have?
08:40I have an Andy Warhol print in my dining room.
08:42So, Dean didn't get that in the settlement.
08:45I'm just trying to get you two to expand your horizons,
08:49because that's my job.
08:50It's a big world out there,
08:52and you've got to just embrace whatever the universe throws at you.
08:56Starting with the decorating committee for the dance tonight.
09:01Okay, I'm gonna say something,
09:03and I know it's gonna be dramatic,
09:04but this is textbook child abuse.
09:08I mean, can she separate us?
09:09Like, legally?
09:10She can.
09:11Her parents for sure will.
09:13Mine already think you're a bad influence.
09:15Why?
09:15Because they made a lightly erotic stop-motion film
09:17using your sister's old Barbies?
09:19Well, it did not help.
09:21That was such a layered film.
09:22I know.
09:23For real.
09:28Okay.
09:29So, we're gonna do this?
09:30Well, what choice do we have?
09:33Dee, if you think that this place is a boring hellhole now,
09:36imagine going through it not together.
09:38How dare you?
09:40You know that my imagination is too powerful
09:42for hypotheticals like that.
09:43It is desperate times, Dee, okay?
09:46Which is why we're just gonna have to find a way
09:47to get through this.
09:48It's one afternoon with Sierra.
09:50One little dance, right?
09:52But it's just, like, the dance committee,
09:54they're so basic.
09:56Yeah, I know, but what would you expect from a school
09:59that would rather turn out mindless automatons
10:01than support a single original bot?
10:04Oh! What is wrong with the store?
10:16Apparently the lock is faulty.
10:18Were you just talking to someone?
10:20Was I?
10:21Uh, no.
10:23Hey, I get it.
10:25Thursday, I called the phone company to change my plan,
10:28just so I'd have someone to talk to for three hours.
10:30It was... dark.
10:34Anyway, I just came by, though, to, uh, to let you know
10:37that I signed you up to chaperone the dance with me tonight.
10:40Chaperone... to dance tonight?
10:43Tonight.
10:44Uh...
10:45Okay, um...
10:46Oh, I know you're not the mixing type, Steven.
10:47Cut to me after Dean left.
10:49I'm sure you'd rather just hang out here with yourself.
10:52You could say that.
10:54But we have got to put ourselves back out there, Steven.
10:56You know, and I'll be there, too, so...
11:01Great!
11:02Well, I'm going to have maintenance come by
11:03and fix this door for you,
11:04because we would not want your students locked out
11:06of their favorite teacher's classroom, now would we?
11:08No, we wouldn't.
11:10No, we wouldn't.
11:12No, we wouldn't.
11:14Mr. S, what's up?
11:16Look, they love you.
11:18I'm sure you'd rather just hang out here with yourself.
11:20You could say that.
11:21But we have got to put ourselves back out there, Steven.
11:22They love you.
11:23They love it in here.
11:24Yes.
11:25Hungry minds.
11:26Yum, yum, yum.
11:33You need to hang it higher.
11:34Do you want it to be a fire hazard?
11:38Well, maybe.
11:39Oh, yes.
11:43Just hang it from the ceiling.
11:47You think it might be too high?
11:49Just do it!
11:50Okay.
11:51Okay.
11:52Wow, Sierra.
11:54Impressive leadership skills.
11:56Yeah, they do say intimidation is the sincerest form
11:59of making everyone feel bad.
12:01What do you two want?
12:02What do you two want?
12:03So...
12:04Disgust.
12:05About that.
12:06We want to, um...
12:07Ask a question.
12:08To ask, um...
12:09To join...
12:10I can't say.
12:11We want to join the dance committee.
12:13Oh, my God.
12:14Whoa.
12:15No, no.
12:16Do not be so dramatic, okay?
12:17You're in luck.
12:18The dance committee is full.
12:20Well, clearly we don't want to join your reign of decorative terror, but Principal Neighbors
12:25says we have to.
12:27And once again, Principal Neighbors has ignored my emails about recognizing my authority as class
12:31president.
12:32Well, aren't you vice president?
12:35Only on a technicality.
12:37Right.
12:38Like the way that you technically ran unopposed, but still somehow lost to Alexis.
12:43Am I being talked about?
12:46I love that for me.
12:47Hi.
12:48Davey, Jonesy, pledge as always.
12:50Yeah.
12:51What up?
12:52Principal Neighbors wants them to join the dance committee.
12:55But as I told them, it's already full.
12:58Mmm.
12:59Classic pickle.
13:00Let me chomp on that for a minute.
13:05I say...
13:08What?
13:09I spent the summer in Mallorca.
13:11It was honestly great.
13:12They are just so cool, but in a way that I can't put my finger on it, but it actually physically
13:16hurts me.
13:17Well, uh, gracias for your presidential input, but, uh, that's not really a solution.
13:23And as always, has no relevance to the dance tonight.
13:26Oh, dang.
13:27Is that tonight?
13:28Yes.
13:29That would make sense.
13:30I'll try to swing by.
13:32Later, crocodiles.
13:34Bye, alligators.
13:37Okay, fine.
13:38You can join the committee.
13:39Yay.
13:40First, I need you to go to the store and replace the 500 Snoopy Dixie cups that someone bought
13:47with plastic champagne cups for the punch instead.
13:51Okay?
13:52Okay.
13:53And don't even think about making this dance one of your weird little protests where you
13:58try to make some elaborate point about society that no one understands and ruins it for everyone
14:03else.
14:04Okay?
14:05You know, Sierra really does have some good ideas sometimes.
14:06Oh, yeah.
14:07You mean the thing about using the plastic champagne cups for the punch?
14:08No.
14:09I'm just kidding.
14:10Obviously the thing about livening up tonight's dance with one of our incredible protests and
14:11literally nothing else that she said.
14:12To the mascot store.
14:13I want to live in your brain.
14:14Yeah.
14:15You already do.
14:16I want to live in your brain.
14:17Yeah.
14:18You already do.
14:19Sorry.
14:20Get out of me.
14:21Stop it!
14:32No!
14:40Where is Schneider?
14:42This is aヤ Family Duckie!
14:44You'll never get me!
14:45Come on...
14:46Oh, yeah.
14:47Boys', Abbots!
14:50They're not sabers. Come on.
14:53And that's what they call a checkmate.
14:59The banner is so too low. Where is Joyce?
15:02Syrah, eyes. The dance is fine.
15:05The dance is a disaster!
15:12Relax, everyone's so psyched. Alexis made an appearance.
15:15They wouldn't even notice your decorations.
15:18Okay, where are Davey and Jonesy with the champagne cups?
15:30Time for these fools to learn they're all just sheep.
15:33That's what's up. Okay.
15:39Are we at all concerned that our very specific message
15:42of you're all sheep will be undercut by the fact
15:44that the mascot store didn't have sheep heads available?
15:48No. The choreography speaks for itself.
15:51You're so right.
15:52We, the collective Schneider, were once a single entity.
15:57The greatest mind in all the multiverse.
16:00Until we were demoted, disgraced, de-synced,
16:06and forced to moonlight as tenth grade science teachers
16:09in every universe in existence.
16:12Oh.
16:14Uh-uh.
16:16But now, we have a way to become one man once again.
16:20For I, the Schneider of Universe 6689.
16:24Uh, babe, we literally have all the same backstory.
16:27Could we pace this up?
16:28Yes. Of course.
16:31Well, we should mobilize before that principal comes
16:33and drags us off to that godforsaken dance.
16:35Hey! Not groovy, man.
16:38All apologies to Disco Schneider and let's do this.
16:41Okay.
16:42Sync frequencies.
16:43Right on.
16:46Pretty lit, huh?
16:58Yeah, it slaps.
17:02Hey!
17:04Stop the music!
17:06I say we let this play out.
17:22Hit it!
17:26Hit what?
17:28Did we forget to give Mark our music?
17:31I think that we just forgot that music wouldn't miraculously start playing.
17:34Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
17:35One second.
17:40Let's do this.
17:42Definitely.
17:43You make no, you make no sense.
17:46You make no, you make no sense.
17:50That you, you, you make no sense at all.
17:54This is great.
17:55Oh yeah.
17:56I bet you, you, you make no sense at all.
18:02Am I supposed to get this?
18:04What?
18:05Nope.
18:06Nobody is.
18:07What is that?
18:08We're all chicken.
18:09No.
18:10I bet you, you, you make no sense at all.
18:16And there.
18:17That's it.
18:18Yes.
18:19Now, our devices were designed to create an electromagnetic frequency so strong that it should be able to open the portal in each of our labs.
18:27Once we go through, it will code itself to our DNA, sinking us back into one being.
18:32But we all have to go through at the exact same time.
18:35So, we...
18:36I know.
18:37We are all the same guy.
18:38Why do you keep monologuing?
18:40Right.
18:41Well, let's just get this over with.
18:43Okay.
18:44Ready?
18:45Mark 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
18:55Where is the portal?
18:56I see no portal.
18:57Nary a portal in sight.
18:58Where is it?
18:59It should be here.
19:00You did the calculations, remember?
19:01I thought you had the big old plan.
19:02I thought you were Mr. Mr. with the big plan.
19:03Will you knock down your...
19:04Shut up.
19:05Shut up.
19:06We're wasting time.
19:07Is everyone getting that signal?
19:08Is everyone getting that?
19:09It's strong.
19:10It has to be the portal.
19:11It has to be here somewhere.
19:12We have to find it before someone else does.
19:13T minus 4 minutes to entry.
19:14Go.
19:15Yes, of course.
19:16Signal my keister.
19:17You, you, you, you make no sense at all.
19:20What do you think?
19:21What do you think?
19:22What do you think?
19:23What do you think?
19:24What do you think?
19:25What do you think?
19:26What do you think?
19:27What do you think?
19:28What do you think?
19:29What do you think?
19:30You make no sense at all.
19:31No, no, no, no.
19:32No.
19:33What?
19:34What?
19:35You, you, you make no sense at all.
19:38This makes no sense.
19:39What?
19:40What could possibly be generated this much electromagnetic energy?
19:43Are there magnets in there?
19:44There's plenty of room.
19:45Look at the guys in the car better.
19:47That's cute.
19:48You make no sense at all.
19:50You make no sense at all.
19:51I'm good.
19:52I'm good.
19:53I'm okay.
19:54You make no sense at all.
19:55You make no sense at all.
19:56Do you think that it's possible we might be losing them?
19:58Okay, let's skip to the big finish.
19:59You make no sense.
20:00You make no sense.
20:01You make no sense.
20:02You make no sense.
20:03I hear this.
20:04You make no sense.
20:05Oh, there we go.
20:06Oh my God.
20:07Oh, my God.
20:08Oh, my God!
20:09Oh my God!
20:11Oh my God!
20:13Oh my God!
20:15Oh yes!
20:17Oh my God!
20:19I think they're mad.
20:43At least they don't know it's us.
20:50Davy!
20:51Johnson!
20:52That!
20:53Dad!
20:54Is that?
20:55Davy and Johnson!
20:56This!
20:57Is!
20:58Fantasia!
21:01Let's get out of here.
21:03Look!
21:04No!
21:05I'm back here!
21:06Right now!
21:07We've got to stab these before anyone can confirm that we've asked.
21:10Our locker.
21:11To save space for shameful things.
21:12Yeah!
21:13I think there's still room.
21:14Okay.
21:15All right.
21:19Still got a minute.
21:23I, the Schneider of Universe 6689, am recording this message to commemorate my triumphant return
21:31like a phoenix rising from the ashes of exile.
21:35For anyone watching who didn't believe in me, or who doubted me, or who betrayed me, you
21:40know who you are.
21:42Let it be known that not even you could stand in my way.
21:46For I'm about to prove the heights of my genius.
21:50What then?
21:51Huh.
21:52That's new.
21:53I'm about to prove that nothing and no one will stand in the way of Stephen, Simon,
22:00Shania!
22:01Ah!
22:02Ah!
22:03Wait, wait, no, no, no!
22:04Ah!
22:05Ah!
22:06Ah!
22:07Ah!
22:08Ah!
22:09Ah!
22:10Ah!
22:11Ah!
22:12Ah!
22:13Ah!
22:14Ah!
22:15Wait, wait, no, no, no!
22:16When will I kill you?
22:18Did you get back on the deck of the tower?
22:19I know that but have your hätten ace of yourself in these.
22:22función galera?
22:23Ah!
22:24Why?
22:25See?
22:26Yes!
22:27Are you too late.
22:28See?
22:29Yes.
22:30Oh god…
22:31Did you get the Karen?
22:32I re便 algún.
22:33Umm.
22:34WILL WIN WIN!
22:35Are you there?
22:36No.
22:37You kept mine coming, though?
22:39Just why did they notキü такие欺 or the air just
22:41Messiah?
22:42Would you be there?
22:43Well, Iricumper will be active to launch this stage of many plans for quickly,
22:44What just happened?
22:49I don't know. Where is everyone?
22:51I don't know.
22:52Dina? Jumbo?
22:55Schneider?
22:59You don't belong here.
23:14You don't belong here.
23:18No. Oh, no.
23:44Now what?
23:55You don't belong here.
23:58Not again!
24:00Ha ha ha ha!
24:05Ha ha ha ha ha!
24:07Ha ha ha ha ha!
24:08Ha ha ha ha!
24:10Whoa!
24:12Holy crap, Yola!
24:15Woo hoo!
24:17Woo hoo hoo!
24:23I'm in there, y'all.
24:25Woo!
24:27Aww!
24:31Ha ha ha ha!
24:35Ah!
24:37Alright.
24:38Oh!
24:39Ou ص!
24:40No!
24:41How do you stick around?
24:42The Faster 달라 plays
24:43the Great!
24:44Yeah.
24:45That's it?
24:46Tr
24:53Nice?
24:54I hate him!
24:55We'll see you next time.
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