- 4 months ago
Davey & Jonesie's Locker Season 1 Episode 1- You Don't Belong Here - FULL
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00okay where do you wish we were right now instead of here okay Cleveland's saddest mall um anyone's
00:12board game night ooh the back half is no piercer but the movie not the train obviously can you
00:20believe that high school's this boring like we knew but we didn't know in the haunted way we
00:25don't know no if you told me that it was gonna be this like for forever we would be in a tasteful
00:30cult right now I'll tell you that God why is everyone so boring but us they're just a bunch
00:37of sad little sheep yeah doing their algebra chowing down a root beer challenge you know what
00:46we just have to get through the next two years and then we can do whatever we want more than we
00:51do now yeah Davey Jonesy seriously okay we'll go no no no please we're going your time we'd hate to
01:04inconvenience you yeah well you're all sheep yeah so father when I went to school in Olympia
01:14what do you do with a revolution
01:22I think that is their hobby and that's what's sad about it whoa
01:48uh Dana Jorby I just uh have two okay you have to know that's not our name don't care thank you
02:00how is that guy an actual human teacher I'm telling you man this school is the worst
02:10oh no a night of enchanted tolerance this school is determined to humiliate itself you know what the
02:23only thing worse than participating in sports is participating in the tragic archaic mating ritual
02:27that is the school dance
02:29oh dude
02:32I got what you want what you really really want looking at my lips then you'll never get enough
02:42it smells like candy
02:46yeah yo watch how fast I can drink this root beer
02:56hello something's wrong it really is why hormones you're better than this
03:06I'm sorry but am I the only one who sees this yes I mean I could I just choose not to
03:20remind me again why you two share a locker oh because my locker was next to the band room and
03:28then I had this argument with the jazz club about whether or not I am or am not in the jazz club
03:33wait you're in jazz club I don't know open when don't poke but sorry it's ultimately why we sold
03:38off her locker to that kid who sells the off-brand protein powder yeah now I share mine yeah but
03:43it's actually awesome because we have identical class schedules and there's plenty of room
03:47there she is old faithful oh god she's a beaut yeah googly eyes in the car battery that's cute
03:56oh oh we should have warned you are there magnets in there yeah it was a failed Halloween
04:02costume yeah it made sense at the time yep it's broken well I commend you on committing to the bit of
04:08being yourselves despite the resoundingly mixed reviews Davey Jonesy loving the outfit miss
04:16Debbie he's fun what's up principal neighbors oh god what isn't what okay are you two still sharing a
04:26locker I don't know you know girls you know what I've learned from my recent divorce and subsequent
04:35intensive therapy journey a lot of things but also how to read people yeah and while I am all about
04:41the power of hashtag female friendship I am sisterhood for life I and frankly a lot of the faculty have
04:48become concerned that your relationship has become codependent yeah to the point of being self alienating
04:54to your peer group principal neighbors I mean we've been over this right that that our relationship
05:00is cool and normal and that we haven't been alien alienizing anybody no we have other friends Emil hey
05:08buddy Emil Emil Emil Emil ouch that was hard to watch he was just here we were just laughing we're laughing
05:21I get it I get it why don't we take this conversation somewhere a little more safe and a little less how
05:27do I put this embarrassing for you okay let's step it off it's okay down the hall take the shame down the
05:31hall
05:39gentlemen it's finally ready tonight we take back what's ours now that our portal attunement devices
05:48are complete the hour of reckoning is close at hand tonight we take back the multiver what I need
06:01next period off to help with the dance committee why are you telling me this because you're the teacher
06:06oh right uh that's fine March yeah it's mark as I was saying tonight we take back the multiverse gentlemen
06:23oh
06:33Oh, okay.
06:51Gratitude, confidence is power.
06:55Isn't that better?
06:56It's lavender, calming.
06:59Where were we?
07:00That's right, putting yourselves out there, taking risks.
07:05That's why I'm now an intermediate level
07:08Peruvian basket weaver, and why you two
07:11are joining the decorating committee for the dance tonight.
07:13Um, that's not really our thing.
07:16Yeah, we weren't actually gonna go to the dance
07:18because there, I have this-
07:19But because we're so shy?
07:21I'm so shy, I don't, I'm just a little girl.
07:26Yeah, I'm gonna have to insist.
07:28You two can check in in the gym with Alexis and Sierra
07:30this afternoon.
07:31Cool, cool.
07:32And if we don't?
07:34If you don't, if I don't see a marked improvement
07:38in your general ability to engage with literally anyone
07:41but each other, I'm afraid I'm gonna be forced
07:43to separate you.
07:45Ah, sorry.
07:46Sorry, did you say separate or did you say pizza party?
07:51Yeah, separate class schedules for a start,
07:54separate lockers, and if you push it, if you force my hand,
07:57then I will be forced to recommend to your parents
07:59that one of you transfer, transfer, transfer, transfer,
08:03transfer, transfer, transfer.
08:05Transfer?
08:06No, no, no.
08:07Are you-
08:08I'm gonna be holding back, cause I'm gonna-
08:09No, no.
08:10You have something evil in your eyes and I see it.
08:14Okay, okay, okay.
08:16It doesn't have to come to that.
08:17But I just need to see some, ooh, how would I put it?
08:21Healthier behavior.
08:24I'm not asking for the moon here, girls.
08:26I just need you to be less-
08:28Ourself?
08:29Nope.
08:30Hey, no.
08:31You were kind of saying that.
08:32No, I didn't say that.
08:33Cause I am all about letting your freak flag fly.
08:36Yeah, I'm all for it.
08:37I love, I love to be freak.
08:39Yeah, you know what I have?
08:40I have an Andy Warhol print in my dining room.
08:42So, Dean didn't get that in the settlement.
08:46I'm just trying to get you two to expand your horizons
08:49because that's my job.
08:50It's a big world out there
08:52and you gotta just embrace
08:54whatever the universe throws at you.
08:56Starting with the decorating committee
08:58for the dance tonight.
09:01Okay, I'm gonna say something
09:03and I know it's gonna be dramatic,
09:05but this is textbook child abuse.
09:08I mean, can she separate us?
09:09Like, legally?
09:11She can, her parents for sure will.
09:13Mine already think you're a bad influence.
09:15Why, because it made a lightly erotic stop-motion film
09:17using your sister's old Barbies?
09:19Well, it did not help.
09:21That was such a layered film.
09:22I know, for real.
09:28Okay, so we're gonna do this?
09:30Well, what choice do we have?
09:33Dee, if you think that this place
09:34is a boring hellhole now,
09:36imagine going through it not together.
09:38How dare you?
09:40You know that my imagination
09:41is too powerful for hypotheticals like that.
09:43It is desperate times, Dee, okay?
09:46Which is why we're just gonna have to find a way
09:47to get through this.
09:48It's one afternoon with Sierra.
09:50One little dance, right?
09:52But it's just like,
09:54the dance committee, they're so basic.
09:56Yeah, I know, but what would you expect
09:59from a school that would rather turn out
10:00mindless automatons than support
10:02a single original thought?
10:14Oh!
10:15What is wrong with the store?
10:16Apparently the lock is faulty.
10:19Were you just talking to someone?
10:21Was I?
10:22Uh, no.
10:25Hey, I get it.
10:27Thursday, I called the phone company
10:28to change my plan just so I'd have someone
10:30to talk to for three hours.
10:31It was dark.
10:34Anyway, I just came by, though,
10:36to let you know that I signed you up
10:38to chaperone the dance with me tonight.
10:41Chaperone the dance tonight?
10:44Tonight.
10:46Uh, okay, um...
10:47Oh, I know you're not the mixing type, Steven.
10:50Cut to me after Dean left.
10:51I'm sure you'd rather just hang out here with yourself.
10:55You could say that.
10:57But we have got to put ourselves
10:58back out there, Steven.
11:00You know, and I'll be there too, so.
11:01Yes.
11:04Mm-hmm.
11:05Great!
11:07Well, I'm going to have maintenance come by
11:08and fix this door for you,
11:09because we would not want your students
11:10locked out of their favorite teacher's classroom,
11:12now would we?
11:13Oh my God.
11:14Oh, I can't.
11:15No, I can't.
11:16Oh, no, we wouldn't.
11:17Hey, Mr. S.
11:18Oh.
11:18Thank you, Mr. S.
11:19No, we wouldn't.
11:20Mr. S., what's up?
11:21Look, they love you.
11:22They love it in here.
11:23Yes.
11:23Hungry Minds, yum, yum, yum.
11:32You need to hang it higher.
11:33Do you want it to be a fire hazard?
11:37Well, maybe.
11:39Oh, yes.
11:42Just hang it from the ceiling.
11:46You think it might be too high?
11:48Just do it!
11:50Okay.
11:51Wow, Sierra. Impressive leadership skills.
11:56Yeah, they do say intimidation is the sincerest form of making everyone feel bad.
12:01What do you two want?
12:03So...
12:04Just...
12:05We want to...
12:06Ask a question.
12:07To ask...
12:08To join...
12:09I can't say.
12:10We want to join the dance committee.
12:12Oh, my God. Whoa.
12:14No, no.
12:15Do not be so dramatic, okay?
12:17You're in luck.
12:18The dance committee is full.
12:20Well, clearly we don't want to join your reign of decorative terror, but Principal Neighbors says we have to.
12:26And once again, Principal Neighbors has ignored my emails about recognizing my authority as class president.
12:32Well, aren't you vice president?
12:35Only on a technicality.
12:36Right.
12:37Like the way that you technically ran unopposed, but still somehow lost to Alexis.
12:42Am I being talked about?
12:45I love that for me.
12:46Hi.
12:47Davey.
12:48Jonesy.
12:49Pleasure's always.
12:50Yeah.
12:51What up?
12:52Principal Neighbors wants them to join the dance committee.
12:54As I told them, it's already full.
12:57Hmm.
12:58Classic pickle.
12:59Let me chomp on that for a minute.
13:04I say...
13:05Vivez y deja vivir.
13:07What?
13:08I spent the summer in Mallorca.
13:10It was honestly great.
13:11They are just so cool, but in a way that I can't put my finger on it, but it actually physically hurts me.
13:16Well, uh, gracias for your presidential input, but that's not really a solution.
13:22And as always, has no relevance to the dance tonight.
13:25Oh, dang.
13:26Is that tonight?
13:27Yes.
13:28That would make sense.
13:29I'll try to swing by.
13:31Later, crocodiles.
13:33Bye, alligators.
13:35Okay, fine.
13:36You can join the committee.
13:38Yay.
13:39First, I need you to go to the store and replace the 500 Snoopy Dixie cups that someone bought.
13:45With plastic champagne cups for the punch instead.
13:50Okay?
13:51Okay.
13:52And don't even think about making this dance one of your weird little protests where you try to make some elaborate point about society that no one understands and ruins it for everyone else, okay?
14:03Excuse me, Vice President!
14:05Joyce!
14:06The banner is not a cape!
14:08You know, Sierra really does have some good ideas sometimes.
14:11Oh, yeah.
14:12You mean the thing about using the plastic champagne cups for the punch?
14:14No.
14:15I'm just kidding.
14:16Obviously, the thing about livening up tonight's dance with one of our incredible protests and literally nothing else that she said.
14:21To the mascot store!
14:24I want to live in your brain.
14:26Yeah.
14:27N-
14:36Here is genie.
14:40This is a boot.
14:42You'll never get me.
14:45Come on, man, we'll have a battalion.
14:48Boys, Abbots! They're not sabers. Come on.
14:53And that's what they call a checkmate.
14:59The banner is so too low. Where is Joyce?
15:01Sierra, eyes. The dance is fine.
15:05The dance is a disaster!
15:12Relax, everyone's so psyched.
15:13Alexa's been in an appearance,
15:14they wouldn't even notice your decorations.
15:18Okay, where are Davey and Jonesy with the champagne cups?
15:29Time for these fools to learn they're all just sheep.
15:32Oh, that's what's up. Okay.
15:39Are we at all concerned that our very specific message of
15:42you're all sheep will be undercut by the fact that
15:44the mascot store didn't have sheep heads available?
15:47No. The choreography speaks for itself.
15:50You're so right.
15:52We, the collective Schneider, were once a single entity.
15:57The greatest mind in all the multiverse.
16:00Until we were demoted, disgraced, de-synced,
16:06and forced to moonlight as tenth grade science teachers
16:09in every universe in existence.
16:11Oh.
16:13Uh-uh.
16:15But now, we have a way to become one man once again.
16:19For I, the Schneider of Universe 6-6-8-9.
16:23Uh, babe, we literally have all the same backstory.
16:26Could we pace this up?
16:28Yes.
16:29Yes.
16:30Of course.
16:31Well, we should mobilize before that principal comes
16:33and drags us off to that godforsaken dance.
16:35Hey!
16:37Not groovy, man.
16:38All apologies to Disco Schneider, and let's do this.
16:41Okay.
16:42Sync frequencies.
16:43Right on.
16:44It's pretty lit, huh?
16:45Yeah.
16:46It slaps.
16:47Hey!
16:48Stop the music!
16:52Things are gonna get started!
16:57Move it, people!
16:58Clear away!
16:59I'm looking at you!
17:00Look at you!
17:01Back it up!
17:02No!
17:03No!
17:04No!
17:05No!
17:06No!
17:07No!
17:08I say we let this play out.
17:09What?
17:11Hit it!
17:12Hit what?
17:14No!
17:15No!
17:16No!
17:17No!
17:18No!
17:19No!
17:20No!
17:21No!
17:22No!
17:23No!
17:24No!
17:25No!
17:26No!
17:27No!
17:29Did we forget to give Mark our music?
17:31I think that we just forgot that music wouldn't miraculously start playing.
17:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:34Okay.
17:35One second.
17:36Um.
17:40Let's do this.
17:41Definitely.
17:43You make no, you make no sense.
17:46You make no, you make no sense.
17:49That you, you, you make no sense at all.
17:53This is great.
17:54Oh yeah.
17:55Come on.
17:56I think you, you, you make no sense at all.
17:59I think you, you make no sense at all.
18:02Am I supposed to get this?
18:03What is that boy?
18:04Nope.
18:05Nobody is.
18:06Why do you laugh?
18:07We're all chicken.
18:08We're all chicken.
18:09No.
18:10I think you, you, you make no sense at all.
18:15And there.
18:17That's it.
18:18Yes.
18:19Now, our devices were designed to create an electromagnetic frequency so strong that it should
18:23be able to open the portal in each of our labs.
18:26Once we go through, it will code itself to our DNA, sinking us back into one being.
18:31But we all have to go through at the exact same time.
18:34So, tweet.
18:35I know.
18:36We are all the same guy.
18:37Why do you keep monologuing?
18:39Right.
18:40Well, let's just get this over with, okay?
18:43Ready?
18:44Mark 10.
18:4510.
18:469.
18:478.
18:487.
18:496.
18:505.
18:514.
18:523.
18:532.
18:541.
18:551.
18:562.
18:572.
18:583.
18:594.
19:002.
19:013.
19:024.
19:035.
19:045.
19:055.
19:065.
19:076.
19:086.
19:097.
19:108.
19:118.
19:1211.
19:138.
19:149.
19:1510.
19:1610.
19:1711.
19:1811.
19:1911.
19:2011.
19:2112.
19:2211.
19:2312.
19:2412.
19:25This makes no sense. What could possibly be generated this much electromagnetic energy?
19:42Are there magnets in there?
19:44There's plenty of room.
19:45Look at the guys in the car back there.
19:47That's cute.
19:48I'm good. I'm good. I'm okay. I'm okay.
19:53Okay.
19:55Do you think that it's possible we might be losing them?
19:57Okay, let's skip to the big finish.
20:03I hear this.
20:05Oh, there we go.
20:23I think they're mad.
20:33At least they don't know it's us.
20:37Davey!
20:39Don't think that's dead!
20:41Oh, is that Davey and Don't think?
20:43This is Fantasia!
20:45Let's get out of here.
20:47No, no, no! I'm back here!
20:49No, no, no! I'm back here!
20:51No, no, no!
20:53I'm back here!
20:55I'm back here!
20:57I'm back here!
20:59I'm back here!
21:01I'm back here!
21:03I'm back here!
21:05We've got to snatch these before anyone can confirm that we've asked.
21:07Our locker.
21:08To save space for shameful things.
21:09Yeah.
21:10I think there's still room.
21:11Okay.
21:12All right.
21:15Still got a minute.
21:18I, the Schneider of Universe 6689, am recording this message to commemorate my triumphant return like a phoenix rising from the ashes of exile.
21:35For anyone watching who didn't believe in me, or who doubted me, or who betrayed me, you know who you are.
21:42Let it be known that not even you could stand in my way.
21:47For I'm about to prove the heights of my genius.
21:52What then?
21:56Huh.
21:59That's new.
22:06I'm about to prove that nothing and no one will stand in the way...
22:12...of Steven Simons.
22:14Wait, wait, no, no, no!
22:17Wait, wait, no, no.
22:19Well I don't even know, you can chat in the
22:43Provenciozz utilizes.
22:45What just happened?
22:50I don't know. Where is everyone?
22:52I don't know.
22:53Dina? Jumbo?
22:56Schneider?
22:59You don't belong here.
23:01You don't belong here.
23:16No. Oh, no.
23:31You don't belong here.
23:45Not again.
23:47No.
23:49No.
23:51You don't belong here.
23:55Not again.
23:57No.
23:59Nyan!
24:01Ah!
24:03Ah!
24:05Ah!
24:07Ah!
24:09Whoa!
24:11Holy crap, Yola!
24:15Woo-hoo!
24:17Woo-hoo-hoo!
24:23There you go.
24:25Woo-hoo!
24:27I-H!
24:29Ah!
24:31Ah!
24:33Tick-ick-ick-ick!
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