- 4 months ago
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00:00This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
00:10These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells, and this is Soap.
00:30This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
01:00May I help you?
01:07Yeah, I'd like a girl.
01:10What kind of a girl?
01:12Filthy, I like a really filthy girl.
01:16Fine. My name's Mr. Phil. I'll be your host for the evening.
01:20Oh, hi. Great. That's a, uh, my name is Burra, Burf, Burra.
01:25Bubba?
01:26Big old Bubba Brown.
01:30Fit as a fiddle and ready for, you know...
01:34Will this be cash or charge?
01:38Charge?
01:39We accept all major credit cards, Mr. Brown.
01:43You're kidding.
01:44Well, we don't take Chevron, but most anything else will do.
01:47Oh, that's good to know. That's really, like, good to know.
01:49No, I'll go with a lot of cash.
01:53Let's see what I have, uh...
01:55How about room four?
01:57Lovely room.
01:58Does it have a view?
02:00Yes.
02:01Oh, that's too lovely. No view.
02:02They're all the same price.
02:03Okay, fine. I'll have a dark room, a filthy girl, and no view.
02:07How about room one?
02:08Sounds good. Room one.
02:12Right over there.
02:14Great.
02:17It's ready right now.
02:18Great, great. It's ready because I hate waiting around for lust and dirt.
02:24Well, enjoy.
02:26Yeah, well, great. I'm just gonna, uh, wait here for a second. I got a friend coming in here.
02:31We don't allow that. Only one to a room.
02:33Good to know. It's good to know.
02:35More than one to a room, I wouldn't even be. That's too filthy.
02:37No, I'll just, you know, let me just sit here and kind of absorb how glad I am I'm here, you know?
02:53Oh, hello.
02:54I saw sushi.
02:56Come on.
02:57Give me a minute. It's all right. He's over here.
02:59Let's take me.
03:00Danny?
03:01Bert?
03:03Don't blow my cover.
03:05That's it? That's your outfit?
03:07Yeah, pretty good, huh?
03:10That's the most ridiculous outfit I ever saw. I can't believe you walked around like that.
03:15Give me a little credit, will ya?
03:16I drove.
03:18Drove?
03:19Drove what?
03:21Oh, the, uh, patrol girl.
03:25What?
03:26The patrol car.
03:28The patrol?
03:29I can't believe that you drove around in the patrol car dressed like Jerry Lewis.
03:40I didn't drive it, Bert. I rode in the back seat. Chuck and Bob drove.
03:44Oh, that's much better.
03:47Excuse me.
03:49But, uh, just exactly what did you have in mind?
03:51Ah, hello.
03:53Toyota.
03:54Uh, Kawasaki.
03:56Uh, Canon AE-1.
03:57Now, listen, uh, give my friend a dark room and, uh, ugly girl and no view.
04:04Room two. Your friend's in room one.
04:07Are they connected?
04:08Why?
04:09You?
04:09Well, no, we'll take it, though. Thanks a lot.
04:14Come here, Genevieve.
04:16Now, listen to me. We meet at Clancy's Bar in an hour.
04:19Jeez, I don't know about this, Bert. I'm pretty nervous.
04:22This is a whole new bag of bananas for me.
04:24Baby, please, you're a cop. You have to have nerves of ice.
04:28Huh?
04:30I'm talking no emotion.
04:33Cold steel.
04:34Ready, big fella?
04:45Thanks, Bert.
04:54Hello?
05:01Hello?
05:02First five minutes is 20 bucks extra.
05:05Second five is 30 more.
05:06Ten per minute after that.
05:08Take off your clothes.
05:09Assemble your devices.
05:10If that's your inclination, lie down, shut up, and no smoking.
05:16Boy, boot camp was easier than this.
05:20If you are a member of the police department, please state so now.
05:23Otherwise, you are committing entrapment, which is illegal, unethical,
05:27and may I say, off the record, tacky.
05:32I'm a deputy sheriff.
05:36Welcome to Hedley House.
05:39Hedley House was built in 1903, and was the third building constructed in Duns River.
05:44That's our tour for today. Thank you, and good evening.
05:47Wait, wait, wait. I'm not here to arrest you.
05:51I just want to show you some pictures.
05:53Hey, I'm not into that.
05:56But, uh, it's your money, you know?
05:59Oh, no, it's not what you think.
06:01These are pictures of me and Sheriff Campbell in garter belts.
06:04Did you say garter belts?
06:08Yeah.
06:09As a matter of fact, Sheriff Campbell's in the next room interrogating a woman this very second.
06:19Sounds like a happy man.
06:21Do you know a man named Tibbs?
06:25Tibbs? Tibbs.
06:27No, uh-uh. No, never heard of him.
06:31Tibbs. Ooh, doesn't ring a bell.
06:34Wow, look at the time.
06:36Hey, just, uh, hold on there, huh?
06:38You see, uh, me and the sheriff are...
06:40Yeah, there's the sheriff there.
06:44And that's me.
06:46And that's you.
06:48And this is...
06:49I don't know who that is, but, uh...
06:52Hey!
06:53Well, thanks a lot for dropping by with these, but I gotta run.
06:56Wait a minute! It's you!
06:58Uh, look, uh, it's late.
06:59And I'm a candy striper at the VA hospital.
07:03I found you!
07:04Hey, Bert! Bert, I found her!
07:05Ooh!
07:10Look, buddy, I didn't know you guys were cops.
07:12I don't care about that.
07:14He told us it was a photo layout for psychology today.
07:17It doesn't matter.
07:18I was set up.
07:19So were we.
07:20I thought you guys were actors, you know, models.
07:22Ah, Tibbs drugged us. We were unconscious.
07:25No wonder you didn't respond.
07:27You just laid there smiling, like a sleeping Scientologist.
07:33Tibbs is blackmailing us with those.
07:36Please, will you help us?
07:39Do what?
07:39Put him behind bars.
07:41I can't.
07:41Why not?
07:42I just can't.
07:44Tibbs is like a father to me.
07:46If he knew that I squealed, he'd kill me.
07:48Some father?
07:49I didn't say he was Robert Young.
07:53What are you afraid of?
07:55Death. Pain and death.
07:58Look, uh...
08:00Gwen.
08:01Look, Gwen.
08:03You help me put him away, and I'll see to it that he never bothers you again.
08:06It wouldn't work.
08:07Look. He owns me. He owns all of us.
08:10That's ridiculous. People can't own other people.
08:13Oh, yeah?
08:14Well, he owns me.
08:16He's owned me ever since I was 14.
08:19Help me put him away.
08:21Free yourself.
08:21It can't be done.
08:23It can't be done. You can't do it.
08:25He owns you, too.
08:27No one owns me.
08:28And no one will, ever.
08:30Because I say so.
08:32Now, he may beat us with this thing.
08:34I may end up the laughing stock of this town.
08:35But no two-bit little pimp is ever gonna own me.
08:39That was beautiful.
08:43Stupid, but beautiful.
08:47I'm sorry I wasted your time.
08:49Hey, look. I really feel for you.
08:51I just don't know what I could do.
08:53Come to the office tomorrow at noon and make it this...
08:56dipso...
08:57Deposition.
08:58Right.
09:00Tibbs would shoot me on sight ten seconds after I left your office.
09:03I'll give you complete protection.
09:05Round the clock.
09:08Look, Gwen.
09:09It's no concern among how somebody makes a living
09:11as long as they don't hurt anybody doing it.
09:14But this guy hurts people.
09:16Lots of people.
09:18Please testify.
09:23Noon?
09:24Thanks!
09:33See ya.
09:35Hey, um...
09:37Uh, Danny.
09:39Danny.
09:40Oh, would you like a...
09:43You still have a few minutes left.
09:45I could give you a massage.
09:47A real one.
09:48If you'd like.
09:51Uh, no.
09:52No, uh...
09:53I, uh...
09:54I better go tell Sheriff Campbell the good news.
09:56On second thought, maybe I'd better just wait in the lobby.
10:16Hello.
10:17Hello.
10:26Hedge, our chili needs more meat.
10:46I know, but we can't afford anymore.
10:48Mmm.
10:49Wow, that's too hot.
10:51I'm gonna put some sour cream in it.
10:52Don't touch my chili!
10:54My chili?
10:57Well, I like that.
10:58Since when is it my chili?
11:00I can remember when it was our chili.
11:02All right, our chili.
11:03But our chili is perfect, so don't mess it up.
11:07Let me know.
11:09What do you think, Sandy?
11:10I wouldn't know.
11:11They didn't offer a course in chili dogs at the Cordon Bleu.
11:17Sir Hunters, why are you using our good china at an outdoor barbecue?
11:22Because you can't afford paper plates.
11:27Daddy, why do we have to eat outside anyway, like peasants?
11:31I'm afraid that's what we are, princess.
11:33We've run out of money.
11:34But mother has money just sitting in a bank or somewhere.
11:37That's right, but only she can withdraw it, and she's being held prisoner in some jungle.
11:42Which makes it a little tough to get to the bank.
11:45This is ridiculous.
11:47There must be some way to get money.
11:49There is an extreme method that people have been known to use.
11:52It's called working.
11:57Don't you think I want to work, Saunders?
12:00To earn my daily bread by the sweat of my brow?
12:03To work and toil?
12:05Like all the little common men across this great land of ours?
12:09Well, I'm an ex-con.
12:10No one will hire me.
12:12How fortunate for you.
12:13The men appreciate you coming out to the field, Cookie.
12:20We're tired of K-rations.
12:22Hey, it's the least I can do for the boys at the front, Major.
12:25Carry on.
12:26You try some, Sandy.
12:33No, thank you.
12:34I'll dine out.
12:36On what?
12:37I've been paid in two weeks.
12:38Oh, I'm judicious with money.
12:39I've a tidy sum set by.
12:43Really?
12:47Saunders?
12:48Yes?
12:48I was wondering.
12:51You can see that we're in a spot here.
12:53And I was wondering if maybe...
12:56Well, you know what I mean.
12:59No, I don't.
13:00Clarify yourself.
13:03Well, I was wondering if you could lend us some money.
13:08Excuse me while I consider your request.
13:10Oh.
13:18Hey, Mary, where's Bert?
13:27Hi.
13:27He's out.
13:28You know, tracking down the man who framed him and trying to force him to confess.
13:32Hopefully he won't get killed.
13:34He said he'd be by after he did all that.
13:36Or by 6.30, whichever came first.
13:40Here's the potato salad.
13:41Ex-Mary, is that all you brought?
13:43Potato salad?
13:44Oh.
13:48Uh-oh, the party's over.
13:53Oh, I'm sorry.
13:55I guess I came in a bad time.
13:57I didn't mean to interrupt your barbecue.
13:58Leslie.
14:01Hi.
14:02We haven't met.
14:03I'm Annie.
14:04That's Leslie, the young woman who's trying to kill my son.
14:09Hi.
14:10Nice to meet you.
14:11Nice to meet you, too.
14:13Are you a relative?
14:14No, a tramp.
14:18Hey, what do you got in that dear box?
14:23Another one of those bombs that don't go off?
14:25There's a rattlesnake in here.
14:30Look, I really just came to see Billy, so just go ahead with your party and don't mind me.
14:35He's not in at the moment.
14:36He's out rescuing his mother.
14:39From revolutionaries.
14:40On a Caribbean island.
14:42Oh, nuts.
14:44Yeah.
14:44And I had such a great plan.
14:47I was going to give this to him.
14:48I was going to say, let's forgive and forget.
14:51And then he was going to open it up.
14:52And then the rattlesnake was going to jump out at him.
14:55Wouldn't that have been great?
14:58Leslie, you have just got to develop some other interests.
15:03It took me weeks to find a rattlesnake.
15:06I looked all over.
15:07Nobody has any.
15:09Well, I guess that's not your problem.
15:12It's been really nice talking to you, Mrs. Campbell.
15:16Yeah.
15:16Well, once again, I'm sorry for bothering you.
15:22See you soon.
15:24And don't try to follow me.
15:26I've got a gun and a hand grenade.
15:28Hi, Mary.
15:31Hi, everybody.
15:32Oh, Bert.
15:32She was just here.
15:34She was.
15:35Quick, get her.
15:36I'm gone.
15:36I'm gone.
15:37Oh, what?
15:38When?
15:38What?
15:38Just now, Bert.
15:39Just now.
15:40Who just now?
15:41Who just now?
15:42Leslie.
15:43I don't believe it.
15:43You just let her get away.
15:44That's it, huh?
15:45Which way did she go?
15:45It's too late now, Bert.
15:47Can it be true?
15:49General Doolittle in the flesh.
15:53Forgive my informality, sir, but may I join the rest of America and congratulate you on
15:58that daring raid on Tokyo.
16:01It was nothing.
16:01You lifted the morale of every fighting man in the Pacific.
16:07You taught us the real meaning of the word yank.
16:24What's the occasion?
16:25Dinner.
16:26Dinner.
16:31Did I get it?
16:51Yes, you did.
16:54And in case you were afraid, my big toe posed any threat to you.
16:59Rest assured, you got that, too.
17:02Hey, Chester, I mean, I'm really sorry.
17:05You know, it really hasn't dawned on me yet.
17:09I've been shot.
17:11Oh, baby, okay.
17:12That's right, come on.
17:13All right, get to the hospital.
17:15And the child.
17:16Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
17:19Bobby, Bobby.
17:20Hi.
17:38Come on, buenas noches.
17:39De nada.
17:41Please, come and have a seat.
17:50You know, I tried to get a message to your home in Connecticut, America, but I don't know if I succeed.
17:57The man I sent never came back.
17:58You mean you sent a man to Connecticut?
18:02No, no, no.
18:03I sent him to the village, to Western Union, but...
18:06Oh, he'll come back, I'm sure.
18:08I hope.
18:10I pray he comes back.
18:12Don't worry, really.
18:13Everything is going to turn out just fine.
18:16Eh, well, it's just that I'm a little upset.
18:19Why?
18:20Well, the CIA, they promised to come and help us overthrow the government here, and they're late.
18:24I don't know where they are.
18:25Maybe they got stuck in traffic.
18:29I don't know.
18:30I just hope this doesn't turn out to be another bay of pigs here.
18:34Oh, I tell you that.
18:35A bay of pigs.
18:38Wouldn't that be terrible?
18:39You know, I think it'd be kind of cute.
18:41I mean, a whole bay full of little pigs all wanking and screaming.
18:45Jessica, you are wonderful.
18:48Yes, yes, you are.
18:49You are wonderful to try to cheer me up with your wonderful American sense of humor.
18:53You know, I was thinking, why don't I give all this up?
19:02Sure, my men and I can always go back to our marimba band again.
19:05What do I need this for?
19:08It's something you believe in.
19:12Jessica, don't leave.
19:13I won't.
19:17You won't let me.
19:20No, no, I mean tonight.
19:22Don't leave.
19:23Stay with me in my tent.
19:28Oh, Elle.
19:32I don't think I could do that.
19:37No, Jessica, please don't misunderstand.
19:39It's just that I worry about you.
19:43I stay up all night thinking about you in your tent alone
19:45with the mosquitoes and the gila monsters and the...
19:47Monsters?
19:49You mean you have monsters here?
19:52Oh, Jessica.
19:54Please stay with me tonight.
19:56This could be our last night together.
20:13Here we are.
20:24Now I...
20:25I just...
20:27fluff up your pillows and everything is perfect.
20:32Uh, I...
20:34Would you like another blanket?
20:36Oh, no, no, no blanket.
20:37No blanket.
20:38I, uh...
20:39What about a book to read?
20:40Ah, yes, yes.
20:41Here we have...
20:42El mundo, el opinión de garp.
20:46Well, uh...
20:48If there's anything that you need or want, I...
20:51I'll be right over here.
20:53El.
20:53Huh?
20:56I thought, um...
20:59What?
21:00Nothing.
21:01Nothing.
21:03Oh, what?
21:04My little piña colada.
21:05Nothing.
21:06Well, you see, I...
21:08Thought we were going to...
21:10Share this tent.
21:12Yes, we are.
21:14I'll be right over here.
21:15Uh, El.
21:17What I meant was...
21:19When you said that you wanted me in your tent...
21:22I...
21:23Thought that you...
21:24Meant you...
21:26Wanted me in your tent.
21:29Oh, Dios mÃo.
21:31No, no, no.
21:31Never.
21:33You, my...
21:34My Madonna.
21:35No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:38No, no.
21:39Made the federales amputate my hands.
21:41If ever I dare to touch.
21:43No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:45Never, my Jessica.
21:46Never.
21:47Never?
21:48Never.
21:52Not until we marry.
22:01I see.
22:01Now that Danny's found a hooker who will testify against Tibbs,
22:20will she be afraid to open her mouth?
22:22Now that Jessica found out the revolution may last 72 years,
22:26will she have her charge account switched?
22:28Now that the Tates are out of cash,
22:29will Chester sell his sweaters?
22:31Will Billy ever find Jessica?
22:33Will anyone ever find Billy?
22:35These questions and many others will be answered in the next episode of...
22:40Soap.
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