00:00Naranasan nyo na ba sa isang relasyon ang makaramdam ng takot at paulit-ulit na pangamba?
00:06At ikaw ba isang klase ng partner na mas gustong dumistahan siya kapag too much na?
00:11Ay, para sa malino na impormasyon tungkol sa and shoes and avoidant attachment styles,
00:17muli nating makasama ngayong umaga sa Dr. Joan Perez-Rifarial,
00:20na isang psychiatrist, Rise and Shine. Doc, welcome back.
00:23Hello, good morning, Ma'am Diane and Profi,
00:26and sa lahat ng mga nakikinig at nanonood ng Rise and Shine. Good morning.
00:29Good morning, Dr. Joan. Welcome back.
00:31Or to begin with, ano ba itong anxious and avoidance attachments styles?
00:34Ito siya, Ma'am Diane, pag-usapan natin siya in the context of a relationship.
00:39Kasi sa relationship kasi...
00:40Romantic lang ba? Or any kind?
00:42Any kind of relationship.
00:43But usually kasi nakikreate siya ng conflict or nagkakakos ng concern pag in a relationship kalaya.
00:50For example, kasi pag sinabing ano, para siyang, kung imagine natin, para siyang nasa polar opposite sila.
00:56Okay.
00:57So, in a relationship na, so ang anxious, sila yung, there is that need nila na constantly nire-reassure, tinatawagan, they need...
01:05Ay, maraming ganyan.
01:06Oo, oo, they need that clingy sila, they need that validation.
01:10Lagi, so sila yung anxious kasi feeling nila, kung hindi nila naminit yung need na yun, ay they feel rejected, unloved.
01:16Gano'n sila.
01:17So, pag, ang isa naman, the pull, the opposite, is avoidant.
01:21Siya naman yung nag-a-avoid.
01:23They avoid that intimacy, mga deep relationships, emotional attachment.
01:28So, gano'n.
01:29Kaya medyo nagiging, ano to eh, challenging ang relationship na ganito.
01:33Ang isa ay anxious, ang isa naman ay avoidant.
01:35Kasi magkaiba sila ng needs.
01:37Okay, why do we have that?
01:38What are the reasons bakit mayroong anxious in the relationship, someone who is being avoidant?
01:44Usually to profi, nanggagaling to siya from mga past experiences.
01:49Okay.
01:49Usually rooted siya, deeply rooted siya sa mga relationships ng mga bata pa, pag bata pa tayo, especially sa caregiving.
01:58Pag anxious or pag avoidant, usually may mga, ano sila, yung caregivers nila ay hindi sila consistent.
02:05Pag minsan nandun, pag minsan wala.
02:07Kaya sila na anxious nung bata pa sila.
02:10So, inconsistent caregiving styles, upbringing, pag avoidant naman, usually unavailable ang kanilang mga caregivers.
02:18Kaya mas maganda talaga alam natin kung saan ang gagaling yung kanilang attachment styles, which is rooted nung mga early, early na childhood.
02:28So, ano yung parang post-traumatic ba yun?
02:30Merong trauma also.
02:31It can be an added na risk factor.
02:34Pag ang isang individual ay dumaan sa trauma at na-feel niya na siya ay na-reject.
02:38For example, wala siyang love na na-feel sa kanyang family or hindi sila parang walang nurture na nangyari nung bata pa.
02:46So, they feel that need na kailangan hanapin ko to from my partner sa relationship.
02:51Kaya laging silang, there is that need nila ngayon na kailangan tatawagan ako lagi, reassure ako lagi, na love ako.
02:59Or kailangan, meron kaming that need na laging nag-uusap, laging magkasama, laging intimate.
03:06Kaya nagkakaroon ng mga gaytong concern kasi opposite naman yung avoidant.
03:09Because of unavailable, yung kanilang caregiver nung bata pa, hindi nila na-feel yung need for that affection.
03:18Sinasabi, parang baba naman ang emotional quotient nito.
03:21Parang ganun. Pero hindi nyo natin sila mabiblame.
03:24Kasi because of mga underlying na trauma nila in the past or mga experiences of bringing.
03:31Pagkawari ako, kailangan malaman ko what kind of style I have. Ganun ba yun?
03:35Yes, correct yun lang na yan.
03:36Kasi sa practice ko, sometimes kaya nagkaka-conflict yung in a relationship.
03:42Hindi sila aware na magkaiba pala sila ng attachment styles.
03:47So, akala nila, kaya sa talaga away kasi because of the situation.
03:53For example, nalate yung isa or hindi na sundo.
03:56Kaya sa talaga away na. Tapos lumobo ng lumobo.
03:59But yun pala, if titinan mo talaga individually, magkaiba sila.
04:03Okay. Parang love language. Dapat alam mo rin.
04:06Parang ganun.
04:07Kasi pag-ansios ka, checklist mo lahat dapat.
04:09Pag di ka ma-ansios.
04:11Para ma-feel nila na valued sila and love.
04:13But of course, you also have to adjust sometimes.
04:15So, pa ganun ba yun ito?
04:16Yes. Part na yun, doon sa tiyatawag namin na how to help them.
04:20Okay.
04:20Number one talaga is dapat may self-awareness.
04:23Kailangan alam ng isang individual na, ah, ganito pala ako.
04:26Kaya pala may need sa akin na laging text, call, magkasama.
04:30Kasi takot ako.
04:31O feeling rejected.
04:32Kasi nanggaling ito sa past ko.
04:33Na hindi ako naalagaan ng maayos.
04:35O hindi ko nakuha yung love from the family.
04:38Mga ganun.
04:38So, self-awareness is very important.
04:40And of course, i-communicate nila dapat to each other kung ano yung mga needs nila.
04:46Kasi yung need ng isa, halimbawa, pag-avoidan.
04:48Ang need niya is, sana, bigyan mo ako ng independence.
04:52Space.
04:53Sometimes naman, kailangan niya ng control, eh.
04:56So, kasi nga, ano sila, eh.
04:57Yung mas, ano sila, they want to protect.
05:00Na huwag silang ma-put in a vulnerable state.
05:02So, they need that boundary.
05:05Nagsaset sila nung boundary, space.
05:08They want that independence.
05:10Hindi sila masyadong into deep na emotional relationships.
05:14Doc, we understand it's all about understanding on the experiences or lived experiences that we have before.
05:20Pero, is there a way para, alam mo yun, para mas maging healthy, maging healthy bang relationship
05:26kapag sinolve muna kung ano yung mga past experiences so that it would become healthy?
05:30Or, are we just going to understand that there will always be an anxious and avoidant personality with the two?
05:36Yes, tama yun, profi.
05:38Kasi, in the end, kasi, through proper guidance, therapy, that self-awareness, very important yun.
05:44Perfect din sila na match, eh.
05:46Mag-work yun.
05:47Yung isang avoidant at sya-avoidant.
05:49Kasi, kaya sila na put in that situation in the first place because unconscious yun.
05:53Meron silang gusto nila, halimbawa, kung isang individual, clingy.
05:57Gusto niya yung trait na yun sa isa, na independent.
05:59So, bagi-cut yun yun lang, the opposites.
06:03Yes.
06:03So, hopefully, they grow together sa relationship.
06:07Na, mama-imbibe niya yung trait nung isa na, sometimes, you also need to be independent.
06:12Hindi ka kailangan kasama palagi.
06:14Kasi, you also need to grow.
06:16Kaya nga, hindi siya independent, but interdependent dapat sila to each other, towards each other.
06:21So, may mga ganun.
06:22So, kailangan self-awareness ng bawat isa.
06:26Kasi, per individual, per personality style, or per attachment style nila, meron positives, meron also, makukuha sila, eh.
06:34Na trait from the other person, the other partner, which will help strengthen their relationship later on.
06:40So, parang hirap lang pag may problema.
06:42Kasi, anytime kapag may dinadala tayo at nagkaroon ng, nag-trigger ang isa't isa, because of the anxious and avoidant personality, meron dalawa.
06:50Baka mag-away naman agad.
06:51Kaya siya, usually, sa start, okay pa, di ba?
06:55Kasi, may boost pa ng dopamine dyan, eh.
06:57Yung novel, na, na relationship, okay pa sila.
07:00Pero, mapapansin siguro, in mga fifth month, sixth month, seventh month, doon napapasok.
07:05Kasi, nawawala na yung dopamine.
07:07Kasi, yung isa, tapos, tinit niya, bakit parang overwhelmed yung avoidant?
07:10Kasi, bakit gusto mong laging smothered yung feeling niya na kasi lagi siyang may kasama?
07:14Yung isa naman, ah, ang sa iba palang language is push and pull.
07:19Para mas maling maintindihan, ang dynamic.
07:21Yung isa, pinupush niya sarili niya na, kasama tayo, sama tayo.
07:24Yung isa, pinupull away niya.
07:26Kaya, kailangan talaga, ano, is communication also of the need na isa't isa.
07:31Kasi, definitely, meron silang makukuhang positive trait, positive aspect of the relationship from each other.
07:37Ayun. Siguro pa, kung paalala niyo na lang sa ating mga viewers regarding this attachment style.
07:43Itong this type of relationship na based on this attachment style,
07:46In the end, talaga, kailangan ito is self-awareness ng bawat individual in that relationship.
07:53Communication, very essential yun.
07:55And balikan natin always, anong reason natin for being in that relationship.
07:59Of course, ang love kasi relationship requires patience, understanding, effort, di ba?
08:05So, sana is, ano pa rin natin noon, we practice that.
08:09We focus on ano bang mga ways on how to improve and grow in this relationship.
08:15And never take yung mga concerns na ito personally.
08:19Hindi siya directed towards the partner.
08:21Hindi. Kasi nga, ang kailangan balikan natin, saan nagsimula, saan nagmumula itong style na ito.
08:27Ayun.
08:27At hindi siya directed against the partner.
08:30Parang bangayan eh, hindi lang sapat yung labas at loob.
08:33Kailangan yung laleng, kung saan nanggaling.
08:35Correct.
08:35Kahanapin natin kung saan nanggaling.
08:37And we will address that sa pamamagitan ng therapy guidance also.
08:41Galing talaga ni Dok, pambansang psychiatrist.
08:44Tawag nila.
08:45Sang TV yan, mapapanood mo na yun sa Dok na yun.
08:48Thanks, Dok.
08:49Yes, thank you, Mandaian.
08:50Thank you, Prof.
08:50And good morning sa lahat.
08:52Muli atin mo nakasama, of course, Dr. Joan Perez-Efriar.
08:56Thanks, Dok.
