- 3 months ago
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00All relationships are for our own sake.
00:05What's worse is that we do not know where our sake lies.
00:14I have had a tough journey in my life where I have done a lot of right in my perception,
00:20received a lot of wrong in my perception.
00:25Why be related to anybody at all?
00:27Why must the individual relate to the other?
00:30So we are born unfulfilled, aren't we?
00:34We do experience a certain hollowness.
00:38Something is amiss, something is not right.
00:41Relationship is our way of filling up that void.
00:44And often when we strike a relationship, we do not even take the other's consent.
00:48Do we actually list down all that we expect from the other and get his signature?
00:52The fact is if you were to honestly list down what you are secretly desiring from the other,
00:57the relationship would...
00:58Namaste.
01:01I am very grateful to be here.
01:05Nice to see you today.
01:07As relationships and being in conflict within yourself of what is right and what is wrong.
01:17So usually when I talk these days, I feel there is nothing right or wrong.
01:22It's a perception of an individual, how he or she sees a given situation.
01:30I have had a tough journey in my life where I have done a lot of right in my perception,
01:41received a lot of wrong in my perception.
01:43So today where I stand, looking back, I really feel,
01:49I don't think it really works.
02:00I am at a stage where I really doubt this does not work.
02:09So today I feel that everybody's purpose is different.
02:16Their, I have heard the word journey is different.
02:20Their pace is different.
02:21So in relationships, there are two people.
02:26It can be mother, father, it can be brother, sister, it can be husband, wife, it can be anyone.
02:31There are two people walking at their own pace.
02:35One thinks differently, the other one thinks differently.
02:37How do you come at a common standpoint without saying right or wrong,
02:45without looking at the other person in a manner that he or she is any less or more
02:54and treating the other person equal, fulfilling each other,
03:00as we call it, filling each other's bucket and living a purposeful life
03:07and getting along in a mediocre level?
03:11We all cannot be you, for example, right?
03:14We all can be behind you maybe and that's why we are here and you are there.
03:19How do we live a life which is just fine, which is just fine?
03:26That is my question to you.
03:29Why be related to anybody at all?
03:33Because we are social people.
03:34No, no, that means nothing.
03:36What do you mean by we are social people?
03:37Get to the root of this.
03:39Why to be related to anybody?
03:43Why?
03:45Because we are in one way or the other.
03:47We live under the same roof.
03:50We live with...
03:50Why do you live under the same roof?
03:51That's the question.
03:53Because we are born together maybe as siblings or we are...
03:59Even if you are born together as siblings,
04:01I mean you do take your separate roots.
04:04I mean why should one be related at all?
04:11See typically when we are in this domain we are either talking of parent-child relationship
04:18or one's relationship with the spouse.
04:22Why is one related at all?
04:26Here is the human being, right?
04:28All questions are from the human being.
04:30All suffering belongs to the human being.
04:33All purpose, all direction, all journeys.
04:37They are relevant only to the human being, the individual.
04:41Why must the individual relate to the other?
04:45For companionship.
04:46What does it mean by that?
04:48Who is the individual?
04:50And what in the individual relates to the other?
04:54Are we talking about ego?
04:56Are we talking about ego?
04:58About?
04:58Ego.
05:01I am talking about the individual.
05:02Here am I, right?
05:04Here am I.
05:05Why must I or why do I relate to somebody?
05:12Because I am?
05:14Because I am looking for fulfillment.
05:15So, the question of relationship must start with the question of identity, right?
05:22Who am I?
05:23Who am I?
05:24And that will tell me why I relate to the other, right?
05:28Right?
05:29I don't, for example, right now I am relating to all of us here.
05:33I am relating to you.
05:35I am not relating so much to the walls and the electronic equipment and other things.
05:39The vehicles parked outside.
05:41I am not even thinking of my friends standing here behind me.
05:45Right?
05:48I am relating to you for a purpose.
05:51Correct?
05:53When we relate to each other, what is the purpose?
05:55Because we are creatures of purpose.
05:57Why do we relate to each other?
05:59You are born alone.
06:01Right?
06:01And there is a biological relationship one has with the mother and that relationship too severs after a while.
06:07Why do I relate to somebody?
06:11What within me makes me relate to somebody?
06:13Growth?
06:15Growth in my life.
06:17Yeah, but do I know that I need growth?
06:19Do I understand where I stand?
06:22Do I know where I stand and therefore do I know what the meaning of that growth is?
06:26I think this is need.
06:31The word is need here.
06:34So we are born unfulfilled.
06:36Aren't we?
06:38We are born unfulfilled.
06:41Unfulfilled.
06:42And that lack of fulfillment is an experience.
06:47We experience that we are unfulfilled.
06:50It's a very vague kind of thing.
06:52As vague as the responses we get when we ask why do we relate.
06:58These are vague responses.
07:00You know, we relate what there is, there is something, something.
07:02There is no clarity there.
07:03But there is an experience there.
07:06There is a clear experience that one cannot invalidate.
07:09We do experience a certain hollowness.
07:13Huh?
07:13A lack of wholeness within.
07:16Something is amiss.
07:18Something is not right.
07:20That's the very definition of the human being.
07:23And I'm calling it definitive because that's something that we don't acquire.
07:28We are born with it.
07:30We might amplify it later, but that's not called acquisition.
07:33That's amplification.
07:34We are born with this experience that something is not all right with me.
07:40We experience it, but do we understand it?
07:42Because experiencing is not the same thing as understanding.
07:46You might experience you are having palpitations, but do you understand what's happening?
07:55Do we understand?
07:56No.
07:57So, there is a restlessness within.
08:02Emptiness within.
08:03Loneliness within.
08:04But we don't understand what it is, but it's so very a thing of experience that we cannot deny it.
08:13And because you are experiencing it, it makes us do things.
08:18Just as when you have a severe headache, you might not know where it's coming from, what its origin is.
08:26But it will make you do things.
08:27And it can make you do very, very insane things.
08:31Stuff that is experienced, but not understood, can make us do insane things.
08:38Right?
08:41Just like, you know, when you are hurt in your little toe.
08:48Have you seen what you do?
08:50You are walking and you get hurt.
08:52And there is something here.
08:54The leg of a table.
08:57What do you do?
09:00You scream and you run for a while.
09:02Sometimes.
09:04And then you hop around holding this in hand.
09:07That's what experience is making you do.
09:10And none of that amounts to any understanding of what is happening.
09:14Right?
09:15Right?
09:15Right?
09:18Somebody comes and puts something on your shoulder from behind you.
09:24And you start running.
09:26Now, running will not help the situation, but you start running.
09:30Because you are experiencing and the experience is so overwhelming, so overpowering,
09:37that it makes you suspend your realization, your faculties even more.
09:43That's what loneliness, emptiness, that that void within makes us do.
09:51We don't understand it.
09:54Relationship is our way of filling up that void.
09:58Something is amiss.
10:00Can I get someone in my life to fill up that void?
10:04To fill up that void?
10:09It's the brother Ranyak Upanishad.
10:11Yaakival is speaking to Maitrei.
10:13O Maitrei, know that the wife relates to the husband, not for the sake of the husband,
10:19but for the sake of the self.
10:21All relationships, the wise ones have told us, are for our own sake.
10:32What's worse is that we do not know where our sake lies.
10:36We experience, but we do not understand.
10:42So, we do not know where our real self-interests lie.
10:45So, what do we do?
10:46We do anything in random.
10:49When you do not know what you must do, you sometimes start doing, you often start doing,
10:53what everybody else is doing.
10:56That includes relating as well.
10:57And it's so prevalent, that we don't even feel like asking, why the hell am I doing this?
11:08Sometimes the body becomes overpowering, the physical needs, and sometimes the society overwhelms you.
11:17And then you start relating and doing things like staying under one roof and sleeping on the same bed.
11:22Without asking yourself, why the hell am I doing this?
11:25Not that we want to denounce that or condemn that.
11:32We just want to understand that.
11:36And that behavior arising out of an experience of hollowness, without any understanding of hollowness,
11:47that same behavior is reflected in our relationships with the entire universe.
11:59Why do you need one more pair of shoes?
12:03That too is a relationship.
12:05Why do you watch that particular comedy?
12:08That too is a relationship.
12:09Why do you espouse that particular ideology?
12:13Why do you vote for that party?
12:15That too is a relationship.
12:18We do not understand.
12:20But we operate on the basis of a vague feeling.
12:23I have a vague feeling.
12:24And that feeling is making me run.
12:29That feeling is making me run.
12:31That's our nemesis.
12:35Are you getting it?
12:43Why must I relate to the other?
12:47And then, there are those, like the gentleman Rishi I quoted,
12:54Yagye Valkya, they too relate.
12:59He was a married sage.
13:01They too relate.
13:02They too relate.
13:05But they do not relate from the point of their inner void.
13:11They relate because they are already fulfilled.
13:15And because they are already fulfilled.
13:17So now, they can operate in one of two ways.
13:22One, they can play around.
13:25I don't have anything to gain.
13:26I can just run around.
13:30Do you two want to run with me?
13:32Let's have fun.
13:33We won't gain anything from this.
13:36I'm not here to own your body or your emotions or your loyalty.
13:41We, the two of us, are together just to have some fun.
13:43So, that's one way in which nothing is expected from the other because you are already complete in an inner way.
13:52And the other way is that of sharing, giving.
13:57I'm alright.
13:59And I relate with you.
14:01You share something that I have because I see that you are much the same being as I am.
14:07In terms of potential, there is no difference between you and me.
14:12So, I relate to you.
14:15You share.
14:18Share not so that you can give me something but because it becomes your nature to share.
14:25You have it, so you are sharing it.
14:26These are the only two healthy ways of relating to the other.
14:31Only two healthy ways.
14:34And in both of these ways, there is the Nishkamta that Bhagavad Gita talks of.
14:42A lack of self-interest.
14:45We are together.
14:46Why?
14:47Well, we never thought of that.
14:49And that's beautiful.
14:51That's beautiful.
14:52We never thought of that because there is no self-interest involved here.
14:57It's just good fun being with this person.
15:01We are not here to bind each other and cage each other.
15:11We are just with each other.
15:14That justness.
15:15That's one of the most beautiful things in relationship.
15:17Justness.
15:18And the other thing is when you are there to radiate, to distribute, to share, to uplift, to help.
15:30But the normal kind of relationship belongs to neither of these types.
15:39The normal relationship is transactional.
15:41I am with you because I think there are certain things I can get from you.
15:47And there are certain things I can trade with you.
15:50So in my perception, you use the word perception many times.
15:52So in my perception, I think that's a fair deal.
15:58I'm expecting certain things from you.
16:00You keep your side of the deal.
16:02And in return, these are the things that I'll provide you.
16:04That's my side.
16:05And I think that puts us as equals.
16:13No, no, that's not something that he might be expecting.
16:17The fact is, in a relationship,
16:21what we expect from the other can never materialize.
16:28Because somebody said, we have a God-sized hole in our heart.
16:40The size of hole in the heart.
16:45Enormous.
16:47And the other one, irrespective of who the other one is,
16:50as a human being, the other one is too small, too petty,
16:54to fill up that vacancy.
16:56He'll never suffice.
17:00He will never succeed.
17:01And when he'll not succeed,
17:02then you'll be angry and disillusioned
17:04and disappointed and violent.
17:09Because that's always the hidden expectation.
17:12This fellow will enter my life
17:13and make it blossom.
17:15Nobody can make your life blossom.
17:19Only your own understanding can help you.
17:23The other fellow could not make his own life blossom.
17:25How will he help you?
17:30I often say, the operator in relationships
17:33is not plus,
17:35but multiplication.
17:38Not addition, but multiplication.
17:41We experience an incompleteness.
17:44The other one is incomplete as well.
17:49So, we presume that half plus half will become one.
17:55We do not understand that the operator is multiplicative.
18:00It actually becomes half multiplied by half,
18:02equaling one by four.
18:04You are worse off after the relationship.
18:08What you expect from the other
18:10can never, never materialise.
18:13Because you are expecting the impossible.
18:16What you want from the other
18:18is something only you can deliver to yourself.
18:22Only you can deliver that to yourself.
18:24The other is in no position.
18:26But the other bears the brunt of our expectations.
18:35And often, when we strike a relationship,
18:38we do not even take the other's consent.
18:41Do we actually list down all that we expect from the other
18:44and get his signature?
18:48No.
18:50The fact is, if you were to honestly list down
18:52what you are secretly
18:53desiring from the other,
18:55the relationship would
18:56be aborted right in the beginning.
18:59The fellow will say,
19:00this is what you are planning.
19:03You evil one.
19:06Outwardly, you are saying,
19:07no, no, no, you know,
19:08the two of us,
19:08we will do great things to each other.
19:10But inwardly,
19:11there is subconscious plan being hatched.
19:14And when the plan is foiled,
19:19then there is anger.
19:20That's what happens.
19:22And
19:22both the parties are victims.
19:27If you play the victim,
19:29you are not wrong.
19:33You are just
19:34telling half the story.
19:37The fact is,
19:38both of you
19:39are both victims and victimizers.
19:44Because both of you are
19:46equally ignorant beings.
19:52How can,
19:54I'm asking you please,
19:56how can anything that starts
19:58with lack of clarity
20:00be good or auspicious for you?
20:04It does not just start
20:09from a point of lack of clarity.
20:12All its duration,
20:15it runs its course
20:17in ignorance and vagueness.
20:19how can it bring goodness to anybody?
20:31Be it
20:32a father-son relationship,
20:34a mother-daughter relationship,
20:37or siblings,
20:39or just friends,
20:41or spouses.
20:42the first thing that you need
20:48is clarity within yourself.
20:51Otherwise,
20:53your very touch
20:54will be destructive.
20:56You might keep saying,
20:57I love my kid.
20:59But if you are an ignorant parent,
21:02your love will be very harmful
21:03to your kid.
21:04Like you said,
21:07all these
21:07lovely and
21:09nice sounding things
21:10that we were told.
21:12We found that
21:13life doesn't work like that.
21:15Now,
21:16that's the point.
21:16You become a parent
21:17at 25,
21:1830,
21:1835,
21:18and you are
21:20very ignorant
21:21at that age.
21:23And then you start
21:23preaching to your kids.
21:26Are you even entitled
21:27to teach anything
21:29to your kid?
21:30What do you know in life?
21:32Why are you teaching
21:33your kids?
21:34Why did you
21:36beget kids,
21:36first of all?
21:38When you don't know
21:39anything about life,
21:41who entitled you
21:42to become
21:43a mother or a father?
21:46And on top of that,
21:47now you are trying
21:47to become the guru.
21:52And telling things like,
21:53you know,
21:53good will be good.
21:56You have all been bad,
21:57bad.
21:57You have never done anything.
22:04It's bad if it disappoints us.
22:14But the fundamental thing
22:17is knowing yourself.
22:18If you do not know yourself,
22:20there is no way
22:20your relationship
22:21with anybody
22:22or anything
22:23or a thought
22:24or ideology
22:25or history
22:25or future
22:26will ever be healthy.
22:28It is not going
22:29to be possible.
22:31An ignorant person
22:33is a dangerous thing
22:35made even more dangerous
22:39by a relationship.
22:46An ignorant person,
22:47even if he is walking
22:48alone on a road,
22:50is a dangerous thing.
22:51What if you bring
22:54that person
22:54to your bedroom?
22:58How does it matter
22:59you start calling him
23:00your husband or wife?
23:02He has remained
23:03equally ignorant
23:04or does wedding
23:04change things so much?
23:06It doesn't.
23:08Very stupidly,
23:09you can go round
23:09and round the fire.
23:10How will that
23:11change anything within?
23:18This person
23:19who does not know
23:20how to choose
23:23for example
23:24an educational stream.
23:26This person
23:27does not know
23:28how to choose
23:29a leader
23:31to look up to
23:32or follow.
23:34How will this person
23:35choose
23:36a partner
23:37to spend life with?
23:38I am asking you,
23:39please tell me.
23:40He does not know
23:42how to make choices
23:43because he does not
23:44know the person
23:45who is making
23:46the choice.
23:47He does not know
23:48himself,
23:49therefore he does
23:50not know
23:50what is good
23:51for him or her.
23:52And this person
23:53makes
23:54a de facto
23:55irreversible choice
23:56and says,
23:58no, no, no, no.
23:59And then he says,
24:00you know,
24:01life is such
24:02a melancholy tale
24:03and he writes
24:06poems in his tears
24:07and says,
24:07I am a good man
24:08but life has not
24:10been fair to me.
24:12The only goodness
24:13is clarity.
24:16Did you ever
24:17try to understand?
24:18No, you
24:19spent your life
24:21based on your
24:21experiences,
24:23feelings and emotions
24:24never having
24:25the courage
24:26to look into
24:28their genesis,
24:30their entire process,
24:31where they come from
24:32and how heavily
24:33they are influenced
24:34by your hormones
24:35and the social
24:36systems.
24:38And you said,
24:39this just because
24:40I am feeling
24:40something,
24:41it is the truth.
24:43Just because I feel
24:44like saying something,
24:45I agree,
24:47I disagree.
24:49Do you even
24:50understand what
24:50you are saying?
24:52Before speaking
24:53to the other,
24:54would you mind
24:55speaking to yourself
24:55first?
25:00Before proposing
25:01to the other,
25:02would you mind
25:03loving yourself
25:04first?
25:08Too much to ask.
25:10No.
25:11No.
25:15I love you all.
25:17I love chicken
25:18as well.
25:22That's the quality
25:22of our love.
25:23I love you.
25:26It's such a
25:27dangerous statement.
25:31Just two minutes
25:32back,
25:33I heard him
25:33saying,
25:33I love Matan.
25:35And now he's
25:36saying,
25:36I love you.
25:37Run.
25:39Run.
25:40Run.
25:41Run.
25:45His love is
25:46another name
25:48for brutal
25:49desire.
25:52No.
25:53It was this
25:57song,
25:57I love the
25:58shape of you.
26:07And when
26:07you're out
26:08of shape,
26:11then you
26:12come to
26:13Acharya Prasanth.
26:17Talking of
26:18lovelessness
26:19in life.
26:19You have
26:29allowed me
26:30to hurt you,
26:30no?
26:33I do feel
26:39sorry for that,
26:40but please
26:41continue allowing me.
26:43the day I
26:46feel you
26:47no more
26:49are game
26:50for it,
26:51I'll stop.
26:51My name is
27:00Rohit and I
27:01live in
27:02New Delhi.
27:03I have
27:04been a part
27:04of the
27:05online sessions
27:05for about
27:0615 months
27:07now and
27:08my life
27:09has changed
27:10a lot in
27:11the last 15
27:11months.
27:12It would be
27:12hard to
27:13mention all
27:14the changes,
27:15but just to
27:16call out a
27:17few.
27:18I've
27:19turned
27:19weaving
27:19about six
27:21months back
27:21and it
27:23never felt
27:24like a
27:25forced
27:25objective.
27:28I mean,
27:28that's the
27:29best part.
27:29It took me
27:30some time
27:30after I
27:31started the
27:32sessions,
27:32but once it
27:34happened,
27:34I never
27:35looked back
27:35and I
27:38never have
27:39those cravings
27:40or I never
27:41have to
27:41suppress myself
27:42for any
27:43animal-based
27:44product.
27:45So that's
27:46one.
27:46and I
27:48was doing
27:49a corporate
27:49job for
27:50more than
27:51eight years
27:51and once
27:53I started
27:54seeing the
27:55shallowness
27:55of it and
27:56once I
27:58clearly saw
27:59that there
27:59is no other
28:00reason except
28:01my own
28:01greed and
28:02the desire
28:03to consume
28:04more and
28:05more,
28:06I knew
28:07that I had
28:07to leave.
28:08So I
28:10think I
28:10got that
28:10strength from
28:11Ajayarji
28:12to take
28:13that step.
28:16and I
28:17thought
28:18that
28:19could be
28:19a
28:20good
28:20thing.
28:21I
28:21think I
28:22can
28:22see you
28:23as
28:23as
28:24as
28:24as
28:25as
28:25as
28:26as
28:27as
28:27as
28:27as
Be the first to comment