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BRITCOM I
  • 7 weeks ago

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00:00How am I going up here?
00:11Hi, Dad.
00:12Pleasure to meet you. You're okay? Feeling strong?
00:14Yeah.
00:15You look good?
00:16Yeah.
00:17Can I tell you something?
00:18Of course.
00:19I can't wait to see your new film.
00:21It's an 18 now. Are you over 18?
00:23No, I'm only 52.
00:26Look at this top. You look incredible.
00:28Hello, Danny.
00:28Pleasure to meet you. Where are you going?
00:32Just coming round there.
00:32Okay.
00:33You are good, Danny.
00:34Pleasure to meet you.
00:37You look a lot different than I see you in EastEnders playing the character Mick Carter.
00:42Was you a big fan of that, then? Did you like Mick Carter?
00:44I, uh...
00:45I mostly watch Coronation Street and Emmerdale.
00:49Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:55We're going to get started now.
00:57Ben, would you like to introduce us?
00:59All right.
01:01Welcome to the Assembly, our collective of autistic, neurodivergent and learning disabled interviewers.
01:09Our rules are, no question is out of bounds, no subject is off the table, and all might happen.
01:19Ben, please tell us who you are.
01:22My name's Danny Dyer.
01:24I am a 47-year-old actor from East London.
01:30I mean, obviously, I've got a little bit more depth to me than that, but that's essentially who I am.
01:34And our first question is from Chardonnay.
01:38Hi, Chardonnay.
01:39Hi, Danny. How are you?
01:40I'm really well. You okay?
01:41It's nice to meet you. Can I...
01:43Absolute pleasure to meet you. Shall we have a cuddle?
01:44Yeah.
01:45It's a pleasure.
01:48You okay, Chardonnay?
01:48You're lovely.
01:50Deep breath.
01:52When Jo kicked you out, she emptied your shared bank account. Do you still have a shared bank account now?
02:00And you have to answer honestly.
02:04So I'll give you a cuddle. I thought it was going to be a lovely question, and you fucking hit me with that.
02:07I'm like, oh.
02:08Sorry.
02:08She kicked you out?
02:10Yeah, she did kick me out.
02:11Why?
02:12Because I was a prick.
02:14Okay.
02:14And she deserved better, and I was an idiot, and sometimes I would go out, and I would get off my head, take drugs.
02:20I wouldn't come home for three days.
02:21She had every right to throw me out.
02:24She controls everything now.
02:26You called David Cameron a bad word.
02:29Why did you call him this?
02:32Twat.
02:33I call him a twat, yes.
02:34I like to refer to him now as Lord Twat.
02:37Lord Twat.
02:38I don't know.
02:39I felt like we had a big vote for Brexit, which has obviously been a fucking disaster.
02:45But he was our leader, and he fucked off and left us.
02:50When the shit hits the fan, that's when you need to lead us properly.
02:56He disappeared.
02:56So I called him a twat.
02:57I don't like him.
02:59Next up, we have Nicola.
03:01Why do you keep swearing?
03:03I was brought up by very strong women that swore.
03:06So you don't swear then?
03:07No, I don't swear.
03:07Yeah.
03:09Hello.
03:10Hello, Danny.
03:11How are you?
03:11Really well, actually.
03:12You?
03:13You can call today.
03:17So are you.
03:18Oh, yeah.
03:19How much money did I get paid for presenting the wall?
03:26Yeah.
03:26Ooh.
03:28How much money did I get paid for presenting the wall?
03:31Mm-hmm.
03:31I think I've probably got maybe 100,000.
03:37But you have to work for it, you know?
03:40So, yeah, that's what I got.
03:42Is that...
03:42Yeah.
03:43Yeah.
03:45You didn't look that fazed by it.
03:46She's like, wait a minute.
03:47Thank you, Nicola.
03:53Cheerio.
03:57Hello.
03:58Hello.
04:02You want to find me?
04:04Sorry?
04:06I'm going to fight you.
04:06Do I want to fight you?
04:07Yeah.
04:09Yeah.
04:09Yeah.
04:10Come on.
04:12Oh, there we go.
04:16Oh, there we go.
04:18There we go.
04:24Come on.
04:26But I'll tell you.
04:29Pleasure.
04:30Thank you, Cheerio.
04:32Next up, Cameron.
04:34How working class was it to send your son to a private school?
04:42Good question.
04:43I'm very proud of my roots, but do I want to be living in an environment,
04:48especially at the moment where there's helicopters going over my house all the time,
04:51sirens all the time, there's a lot of crime?
04:52Of course you don't.
04:53So what you want to do is, is you want to earn some money
04:56and then move to a better area where you can bring your children up.
04:58You have kids, you want to give them everything you can.
05:00Sometimes it backfires on you slightly because now they're not streetwise.
05:05I walked everywhere as a kid, all right, to get a bus.
05:08You know, I don't think they've ever been on a fucking bus, my kids.
05:11Why?
05:12They don't have to, do they?
05:13No.
05:13Because they get driven door to door in a Bentley.
05:16Oh, okay.
05:17My next question is, how was therapy?
05:20Did you find that it helped you?
05:23It's a huge question.
05:24Oh.
05:28I needed to learn what was wrong with me and why,
05:32because I was acting, I was earning money,
05:34I had everything going for me, but I still wasn't happy.
05:38Why am I beating myself up again?
05:40Why am I stressing?
05:41Why am I worried?
05:42There was a hole missing inside of me,
05:44which I was obviously using drugs to feel it.
05:47So I needed to understand what it was.
05:49And it actually, I learned that it was every strong male role model I had left me or died.
05:57So my dad left when I was nine.
06:00Then I got really close to my granddad.
06:02And then he got cancer and he died within six months.
06:04And then I got really close to a very famous playwright called Harold Pinter.
06:10And then he got cancer and then he died.
06:14And so then what I was doing was,
06:15whenever I got close to somebody that I loved and looked up to,
06:18I'd press the fuck it button before they could die.
06:21So that I thought, well, I'll beat you to it.
06:23I needed to learn some tools and to help me as we all need to.
06:29So it was good for me.
06:31It comforts me.
06:33OK, thank you, Cameron.
06:37Harry?
06:38Me and my mum, we are fans of yours.
06:41We love you so much we do.
06:43Is your mum fit?
06:49Me and my mum found it very upsetting
06:51when Mick Carter died on EastEnders on Christmas Day.
06:55How was it for you when you left EastEnders?
06:57Very emotional for me.
06:59I did that job for nine years.
07:01I got to a point where I made a lot of mistakes in my life.
07:03And so nobody would hire me no more.
07:06And then EastEnders came along and they said,
07:07we love you.
07:09We want to put you in the Queen Vic.
07:10I was like, what?
07:12So that saved my life because I had bailiffs at my door.
07:15My first four years was incredible.
07:18And then what happens is,
07:19is the producer left.
07:21And a new producer came in
07:22and he didn't like the Carters.
07:24Oh, dear.
07:25So he started to sack people.
07:26My son, my daughter.
07:29They still got Kelly Bright in it,
07:30who played my wife, Linda Carter.
07:32But then what they'd done was,
07:34they split me up with Kelly
07:36and put me with Janine.
07:37Janine?
07:38Why did they do that?
07:39That's what I said.
07:40So when the producers said to me,
07:42you're going to be with Janine,
07:43I went, Janine!
07:44Like, seriously?
07:45But she murders people.
07:46Yeah.
07:47I thought, oh, no.
07:48So if I stay too long,
07:50she'll kill me.
07:52Oh, no.
07:53So I thought, I've got to get out.
07:55So basically,
07:56I went in the sea
07:57and I was never found again.
07:59I really hope you do come back.
08:01Listen, if it all goes tits up,
08:02then I'll turn up in the pub
08:04with seaweed all over me.
08:06And I've got another question for you.
08:09Go on.
08:12I've been struggling with my anxiety.
08:15I feel like there are too many changes in the world.
08:19It's confusing
08:20and it's a big struggle.
08:22I know you've been struggling yourself.
08:24How do you control your anxiety?
08:27You know what I do, Harry?
08:28I learned about meditation.
08:31So I realised that my brain talks to me a lot
08:33and it talks a lot of shit.
08:34And it also tells me how shit I am.
08:37So just concentrate on your breath.
08:40And I can still hear my little voices going in my ear,
08:42you shit today,
08:44you done that,
08:44or you look fat,
08:45or you...
08:46And I just breathe again.
08:47I just try and quieten down the noises.
08:50It can happen at any point.
08:50I'm sure you all have it.
08:51Yeah, I have that.
08:52And it's hard
08:54because every time you put the news on...
08:56It's a fucking mad time to be alive.
09:00Can you show us, please?
09:02Close your eyes.
09:03Sit yourself down.
09:04Just put your hands in a nice, relaxed position, yeah?
09:07All you're going to do
09:07is when you breathe in,
09:09in your mind you're going to say one.
09:10So it's...
09:12One.
09:13And then when you breathe out...
09:15Two.
09:17And then you go back to one.
09:20Do it in your mind, yeah?
09:22And then sometimes,
09:30our brain's still talking to us.
09:32But just go one.
09:35And then two.
09:38Just relax your forehead.
09:45Relax your face.
09:50Your shoulders.
09:52In your arms.
10:05We're all loved.
10:07We must never forget.
10:10We're loved.
10:11We're loved.
10:11Now you've done Rivals, okay,
10:21you've kind of become a bit of a sexy symbol for mums.
10:37How does that feel?
10:39I thought I'd had my days of that,
10:41being a sex symbol.
10:42Turns out, actually,
10:44it's okay
10:44to have
10:45hairy breasts,
10:47because I do have hairy breasts.
10:49Oh!
10:49Oh!
10:50Oh!
10:50Oh, no!
10:51Oh, no!
10:53But what I'll say is all of a sudden,
10:55look, he looks disgusted with me, look.
10:59If this can be attractive, yeah,
11:03then I'm very surprised.
11:05Next up, we have a question from Joseph.
11:07You okay?
11:07Yeah, fine.
11:08Yeah.
11:09Do you need anything?
11:09No, I'm okay.
11:10Hello, Danny.
11:12Nice to meet you.
11:13Joseph, pleasure.
11:14You found out that your dad had a secret family.
11:19How gutted do you feel?
11:21Well, it was...
11:22It was...
11:24You know, my dad was living true lives.
11:28Oh.
11:29So he...
11:30He was sort of raising us,
11:34and then I always remember on Christmas Day,
11:36he'd disappear for a few hours,
11:36and what he was doing was he was going across London
11:38to his other family, and he had two daughters with her.
11:41If you think about that...
11:41Two daughters?
11:43Crazy.
11:43Like, how did you do that?
11:44And then my mum found out my assistant was, like,
11:48you know, nine months old or whatever,
11:50so, you know, it was a real moment of clarity,
11:53of, like, oh, I see.
11:54How the fuck did he do that, by the way?
11:57Went from one family to another.
11:59Yeah, crazy.
12:01Thank you, Joseph.
12:04Our next question is from Paul.
12:07Oh, here he is.
12:08Hello, I'm Paul.
12:12What did you think of your daughter being on Love Island?
12:15Is she a...
12:16Nippo baby?
12:20Nippo baby.
12:21She is, by default,
12:22and I think that's probably why she got on Love Island.
12:25I didn't want her to do it.
12:26I didn't want her to do it because I'd never watched it,
12:28but I heard people have sex on that show.
12:30And I thought, as a father, I don't want to see...
12:32Not that I ever felt that she was going to do that,
12:34but she didn't tell me till the last minute,
12:36then she just went, and then I watched it like a viewer.
12:39Oh.
12:39Sitting there every night like that.
12:41Okay.
12:42She was such a beautiful human being on it,
12:44because she is a beautiful human being.
12:46Yes.
12:46And she was respectful,
12:48and she was quite vulnerable.
12:50Yes.
12:50She was funny.
12:51So, actually, it worked out really well for her,
12:53because she was working in a pub before she went in that.
12:55As soon as she came home, she fucked off and left me,
12:57went and got a flat in Canary Wolf.
12:59She is a Nippo baby.
13:00Yeah, of course she is.
13:01But what's wrong with that?
13:01You know what I mean?
13:02Jacob.
13:04Hello, Danny Dyer.
13:06Hello.
13:06I know your daughter's getting married.
13:08Have you prepared a speech for your daughter's wedding?
13:11Well, first of all,
13:13I'm so excited about her getting married,
13:14because she's marrying the West Ham captain.
13:20But she has brought home some twats.
13:25And I didn't like them.
13:27They didn't treat her right.
13:27I'll tell you how I know.
13:28When she brings home somebody that is a bit of a prick,
13:31she's not being herself.
13:33She came home once.
13:34She brought this boy home.
13:34And she said to me,
13:36Dad, I want to make him a frothy coffee.
13:37I went,
13:38Huh?
13:40Fucking never made me a frothy coffee, ever.
13:41Why are you pretending that you make frothy coffee?
13:46She went,
13:46Oh, no, because he likes coffee.
13:47He likes coffee.
13:48I went,
13:48This is weird.
13:50So then I had to show her.
13:51We used the coffee machine.
13:52And I was like,
13:53Fucking okay.
13:54So I knew she's not being her.
13:55Anyway,
13:56when she brought home Jared,
13:58she was herself.
13:59So my speech is going to be
14:00about how I am more in love with him than her.
14:06Got to think,
14:06because her name's Danny Dyer as well,
14:08because I'm Danny Dyer,
14:09she's Danny Dyer.
14:10Why do you call her Danny?
14:10What?
14:10Why are you calling her Danny?
14:12Someone in the name of her after me.
14:14Oh, hey, right.
14:16Very good interviewing you.
14:18Absolute pleasure.
14:19Absolute pleasure.
14:19Right.
14:19We have Nargis.
14:22Hello.
14:24What's your favourite kebab?
14:26My favourite kebab.
14:27Yes.
14:28I love a kebab.
14:31I've not had a kebab in so long.
14:34I like
14:35Donna.
14:35Donna.
14:36Little bit of salad,
14:38loads of chilli sauce.
14:39And then he just
14:40was like,
14:41ah.
14:43Yeah.
14:44I remember I got drunk once
14:46and I fell asleep
14:48with my Donna kebab next to me.
14:50Good.
14:50And I woke up and went,
14:52all on my pillow.
14:54Yes!
14:54So, yeah,
14:56I like Donna.
14:56I like the filthiest one.
15:00Essin, you're up next.
15:02Hi, I'm Essin.
15:03It's nice to meet you.
15:04Pleasure.
15:05This is a difficult question.
15:07If you don't want to answer it,
15:08that's completely fine.
15:09Okay.
15:10So, I just wanted to put that out there.
15:12I appreciate that.
15:13Fucking hell.
15:13Jesus Christ.
15:14You don't want to.
15:16Listen, give it to me.
15:17That's why I'm here.
15:17Let's have an open conversation.
15:19Go on then.
15:21You mentioned you had father issues
15:23and, um...
15:26Oh, dear.
15:29Brave, remember?
15:33My father...
15:36For a long time,
15:39I tried to get in contact with him.
15:41I don't know if yours is the same situation,
15:44but how would you deal with parents
15:47that are no longer around?
15:49Sorry.
15:50No, I get it.
15:51It's, um...
15:51Oof!
15:52It's really difficult, isn't it?
15:54To my dad,
15:56um...
15:57He just...
15:58He wasn't a very good dad.
15:59He didn't know how to do it.
16:01He told me when I wasn't allowed
16:03to hold his hand anymore
16:04and I was trying to cross a road
16:06and I went to hold his hand.
16:07He went, no, we don't do that anymore.
16:08And I was like, ah, shit.
16:11I don't understand how men
16:12put their head on the pillar
16:14knowing they have children out there
16:15that they just can't...
16:17They don't have a relationship with.
16:18I couldn't do it.
16:19Like, I caused quite a lot of pain
16:20to my children.
16:22Yeah.
16:23You know, the stuff I was getting up to
16:25and just being vacant,
16:26not engaging, you know,
16:27not being available.
16:28And I realised later on,
16:29actually, well,
16:30I'm going to do everything
16:32in my power to be...
16:34It's not about money.
16:35You can live in a cardboard box.
16:36Listen, express yourself.
16:38It's about love.
16:39What do children need?
16:40They just need stability
16:41and affection
16:42and feel like they're loved.
16:43That's it.
16:44When you haven't got that,
16:45it's a really tough thing.
16:48I'm very close to my dad now,
16:49actually,
16:50because, again,
16:51he deserved another shot.
16:53There's still no relationship there with...
16:55It's their loss
16:56because you're a fucking
16:57incredible human being.
16:58What have they missed out?
17:00It was just me and my mum
17:01for a long time and...
17:02Same.
17:02Yeah.
17:03All he needed was my mum.
17:04That was it.
17:05Of course.
17:07It's all right.
17:07If I give you a hug for that?
17:09I'm sorry.
17:10Absolutely.
17:12It's all about the love.
17:13Pleasure.
17:14Pleasure.
17:20Time for some music now.
17:24This is mad.
17:25This is like proper fucking...
17:26Yeah.
17:27Sorry, I could...
17:28Swearing.
17:29Told you.
17:30It comes naturally to me.
17:34I was blind.
17:38Mm-hmm.
17:40Now I see...
17:45You made a believer...
17:49Out of me...
17:54I'm moving on up now...
17:58Getting out of the darkness...
18:05My light shines on...
18:07My light shines on...
18:10My light shines on...
18:14One, two, three, four!
18:19I was lost...
18:25Now I'm found...
18:27I believe in you...
18:30I've got no bounds...
18:32I was lost...
18:35And now I'm found...
18:37I believe in you...
18:39I've got no bounds...
18:42I'm moving on up now...
18:44I'm moving on up now...
18:45I'm getting out of the darkness...
18:51My light shines on...
18:54My light shines on...
18:56My light shines on...
18:59My light shines on...
19:20My light shines on...
19:26My light shines on...
19:38I'm getting out of the darkness...
19:39My light shines on...
19:41I'm getting out of the darkness...
19:43My light shines on...
19:45I'm getting out the darkness My light shines on
19:50My light shines on
19:57My light shines on
20:06My light shines on
20:08My light shines on
20:15fucking amazing
20:23this is all over it
20:27so good
20:29um harry
20:32if you'd like to do a little round up for us
20:36got an h
20:38well danny dyer
20:40how did you feel about today
20:42what did you enjoy the most
20:43been an honour to be honest
20:46it's been very emotional
20:47it's great learning about you lot
20:49learned a bit about myself
20:51a bit emotional but
20:56that was fucking amazing that tune
20:59I will say
21:02I will say this
21:03you better prepare yourself for a bit of fame you lot
21:05because I think this show is going to be fucking massive
21:07and you lot
21:08use your fame responsibly
21:12because I never
21:12so thank you for having me
21:14I very much
21:15well done
21:15thank you
21:17pleasure
21:19pleasure
21:23love isn't it
21:25nice to see you
21:26you're a good man danny
21:29thank you much
21:30so you
21:30thank you
21:31so my love to your mother
21:32are you happy
21:36am I happy
21:37yeah
21:37really happy
21:38you are my favourite actor by the way
21:43thank you
21:43I bet you said that to David Chenin
21:45no I did that
21:45I remember
21:51I'm beating her
22:08I'm sorry I can't believe I'm dobry
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