- 2 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane.
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:12It's a run around.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:18Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:31Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:33It's his birthright.
00:06:34It's his birthright.
00:06:35It's his birthright.
00:06:36It's his birthright.
00:06:37It's his birthright.
00:06:38I'm not hungry.
00:06:39What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:40It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:43I'm hungry.
00:06:49La, la, la.
00:06:51La, la, la.
00:06:52La, la, la.
00:06:53La, la, la.
00:06:54I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:06I really do.
00:07:07Some people don't.
00:07:09I do.
00:07:11Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:12Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:13Paul McCartney who?
00:07:14He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:15And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:16I sacrifice too much for your six old levels.
00:07:19Five.
00:07:20Oh, look.
00:07:22You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:23I never touched you.
00:07:24Terrific self control.
00:07:26What did you say your name was?
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your 6-0 levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:36Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:57Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:06It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:12What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:18Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:09:54Got it.
00:09:55Got what?
00:09:56You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:10:00You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:03How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:05No, I don't.
00:10:07Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:08No, I don't.
00:10:09Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:10Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:14It does not.
00:10:15I thought it did.
00:10:16Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:17I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:18You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:19I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:20In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:21We're just good friends.
00:10:22Good night.
00:10:23Good night.
00:10:24Good night.
00:10:25I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:26In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:27We're just good friends.
00:10:28Good night.
00:10:29I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:30In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:32We're just good friends.
00:10:33Good night.
00:10:34Miss Bardot.
00:10:35I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:36I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Good night.
00:11:03Miss Bardot.
00:11:06Marry me.
00:11:10You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:35Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They had in for a change instead.
00:12:14Not that I have done.
00:12:15Ticket!
00:12:16I ain't got me ticket!
00:12:17We're late already!
00:12:18See you behind the goal then!
00:12:22Aye!
00:12:23Aye!
00:12:24Aye!
00:12:25Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:27Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:29Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Aye!
00:12:40Aye!
00:12:41Aye!
00:12:42Aye!
00:12:43Aye!
00:12:44Aye!
00:12:45Aye!
00:12:46Nueve our reactions.
00:12:47And tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:48Snooty old bag?
00:12:50Trending.
00:12:52Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:57Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:13:00Still, who else would have him?
00:13:02All the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:12Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:16Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:19Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:22Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:30Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:32No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:57Which?
00:13:58Which are you?
00:13:59No.
00:14:00No.
00:14:07See you, then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:14Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Watch out.
00:14:29See you.
00:14:42Do you see a point, evening?
00:14:43They have tough to do.
00:14:44They have to be wasted.
00:14:45Do you know they have to move on?
00:14:46Do you see scorer?
00:14:47Losing 3-1.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Anywhere controversial? Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:52You know.
00:15:54Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:09Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11I'm sorry, sir.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14Yeah.
00:16:16I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:33You see, what I thought Ken Russell was trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:49Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:53Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:56He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:58Yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:12Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and, pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:38I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Getting married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Filth?
00:18:04Sex.
00:18:05That's what I said.
00:18:07Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:43I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:37Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:25Do you want me to?
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:28327-4421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:50Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:05Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:12Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Better who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:55What Beryl Bird?
00:21:56I told him.
00:21:57Did she, er...
00:21:58Did she, er...
00:21:59Did she, er...
00:22:00What?
00:22:01Wow!
00:22:03She doesn't, then.
00:22:04You don't listen, do you?
00:22:05I said...
00:22:06How about Sandra?
00:22:07Chips.
00:22:08Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:09Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:10Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:11Who?
00:22:12Who?
00:22:13Who?
00:22:14Who?
00:22:15Who?
00:22:17I'd rather see him.
00:22:18You don't listen, do you?
00:22:19I said...
00:22:20How about Sandra?
00:22:29Chips.
00:22:30Chips.
00:22:31Chips.
00:22:32Sod.
00:22:35Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:37Who?
00:22:38Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:17Anything you say.
00:23:18We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:20Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:27Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:30but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:38Good morning.
00:23:39Good morning.
00:23:40Good morning.
00:23:41Good morning.
00:23:42Good morning.
00:23:43Good morning.
00:23:44Good morning.
00:23:45Good morning.
00:23:46Good morning.
00:23:47Good morning.
00:23:48Good morning.
00:23:49Good morning.
00:23:50Good morning.
00:23:55Good morning, Mr. Pope.
00:23:56Good morning.
00:23:57Good morning, Mr. Pope.
00:23:58Long may You reign.
00:23:59Amen.
00:24:00What's going on?
00:24:01The pound's up again.
00:24:02Oh, God.
00:24:03Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:13What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:17Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:33Why do we always do that? Ninety-three times a day? We never see anything.
00:25:03We never see anything.
00:25:05We never see anything.
00:25:07We never see anything.
00:25:09We never see anything.
00:25:11We never see anything.
00:25:13We never see anything.
00:25:15My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:23Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:25That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35You never promise he's going to take this...
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:47Plus.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five. Five. Which is... Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is five.
00:26:11Which is five.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:19Your lot?
00:26:21Football supporters.
00:26:23Hippies.
00:26:25Oh, my lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:31That's it then. Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:24It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:33I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:40For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:46About what?
00:27:50We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:10I don't know.
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:20Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:23Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:27What now?
00:28:28No.
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Mmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:16I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:27He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:31It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:36Men can do anything.
00:29:38Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:41Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:57It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:59Read any women's magazine.
00:30:01It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:08All Saturdays.
00:30:11Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:17Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:19Oh, Beryl.
00:30:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:24What exactly happened?
00:30:25Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:35Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:37It's better.
00:30:38I told you.
00:30:39It's going to pour.
00:30:40It's not.
00:30:41Ugh.
00:30:43It's only the angels crying.
00:30:44I know how they feel.
00:30:45Well, don't blame me.
00:30:46I haven't done anything.
00:30:47That's true.
00:30:48That's not true, Beryl.
00:30:49I have apologised.
00:30:50I keep going down on my knees when I'm talking to you.
00:30:51Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:30:53It must be a bad line.
00:30:54I can't hear you.
00:30:55You'd better apologise again.
00:30:56I apologise again.
00:30:57I apologise again.
00:30:58Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:00I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:02Well, don't blame me.
00:31:03Well, don't blame me.
00:31:04I haven't done anything.
00:31:05That's true.
00:31:07That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:08I have apologised.
00:31:09I keep going down on my knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:10Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:15You'd better apologise again.
00:31:18I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:26Pardon? Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich. The old sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:04Isn't it awful? What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:18Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:32The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:36He does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:42I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:57Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:58Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:10Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more. Air hostesses. All sorts. Tell me about your terrible past Geoffrey.
00:33:12I haven't had one yet.
00:33:14White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:15Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:17Wow, is that the time at this moment in time?
00:33:19What have I done?
00:33:20Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:22Quite in the slightest.
00:33:23You're lucky.
00:33:24Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:25Wow.
00:33:26You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:28Of course not.
00:33:29Why should I be?
00:33:30Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:31Forget it.
00:33:32That's all in the past.
00:33:33Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:33:34Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37What have I done?
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Quite in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:54Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:01Who needs drama?
00:34:05So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:20You never thump me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:31Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:33It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:34He used to talk to me.
00:34:35All right.
00:34:36Let's talk.
00:34:37Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:38Why?
00:34:39Is your mum going out?
00:34:40May as well pack in, really.
00:34:41Why?
00:34:42Why not?
00:34:43Good thinking.
00:34:44Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:34:45You too.
00:34:46It was real.
00:34:47Psychedelic.
00:34:48You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:34:49You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:34:50It was a super idea.
00:34:51Why?
00:34:52Is your mum going out?
00:34:53It's been a gasp.
00:34:54It's been a gasp.
00:34:55Groovy.
00:34:56It's been a gasp.
00:34:57I won't wave from the window.
00:34:58No, I won't look back anyway.
00:34:59Good.
00:35:00It's been a gasp.
00:35:01It's been a gasp.
00:35:02You've said that once.
00:35:03I wasn't here.
00:35:04I have it.
00:35:05I am.
00:35:06Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too.
00:35:12It was real.
00:35:13It's psychedelic.
00:35:14You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17It was scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been a gasp.
00:35:20Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:31you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:43about three very lonely sardines
00:35:47mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me you know you can't do it
00:35:54you'll never thought of me will you jeffrey ow
00:36:03i just had the most super idea are we going to put it up no we're going to pack it in don't say that
00:36:11please don't say that that
00:36:13sandra sandra you're sandra mine
00:36:20two months two months nine days
00:36:26is she positive the test was what are you going to do
00:36:32she'll think of something sandra it's stupendous
00:36:37congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy oh thanks kid
00:36:43sandra i don't know how you do it
00:36:46often
00:37:07so
00:37:14so
00:37:18so
00:37:24you
00:37:26you
00:37:30you
00:37:32you
00:37:34John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddle on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, on the bus.
00:39:46Wasn't it?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life?
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please, you can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me choke on his tortoise.
00:40:49Yes.
00:41:19What's your name again?
00:41:21What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:25No.
00:41:27Stephen.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:38When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:46Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:16Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Miller returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:32Who are you?
00:42:33Who are you?
00:42:34What are you fed up about?
00:42:38Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:39No.
00:42:40They just mark it.
00:42:41Anyone can mark it.
00:42:42They've got the answers.
00:42:45Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:46What's he doing here, then?
00:42:47Well, er...
00:42:48This is your Uncle Steve.
00:42:49Who are you?
00:42:50Who are you?
00:42:51Who are you?
00:42:52Who are you?
00:42:53Who are you?
00:42:54Who are you?
00:42:55Who are you?
00:42:56Who are you?
00:42:58Who are you?
00:42:59Who are you?
00:43:00Who are you?
00:43:01Who are you?
00:43:02Who are you?
00:43:03Who are you?
00:43:04Who are you?
00:43:05Who are you?
00:43:06Who are you?
00:43:07Who are you?
00:43:08Who are you?
00:43:09Who are you?
00:43:10Who are you?
00:43:11Who are you?
00:43:12Who are you?
00:43:13Who are you?
00:43:14Who are you?
00:43:15Who are you?
00:43:16Who are you?
00:43:17This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53There's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58They go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15You have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:35Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:40Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:45In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950p?
00:45:0050p?
00:45:0150p?
00:45:0250p?
00:45:11Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:29Hey, Veronica?
00:45:30Yes?
00:45:31Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:32A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:33He's going now.
00:45:34Good night, love.
00:45:35We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:36And how?
00:45:37You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:39Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:40Still, there's always another day.
00:45:41Tomorrow?
00:45:42No.
00:45:43No.
00:45:44No.
00:45:45No.
00:45:46No.
00:45:47No.
00:45:48No.
00:45:49No.
00:45:50No.
00:45:51No.
00:45:52No.
00:45:53No.
00:45:54No.
00:45:55No.
00:45:56No.
00:45:57No.
00:45:58No.
00:45:59No.
00:46:00No.
00:46:01No.
00:46:02No.
00:46:03No.
00:46:04No.
00:46:05No.
00:46:06No.
00:46:07No.
00:46:08No.
00:46:09No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:19What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:24This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:31Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:32We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:33Well, obviously.
00:46:34We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:35Almost.
00:46:36Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:37Goodnight, love.
00:46:38Try our barrel.
00:46:39Try our barrel.
00:46:40.
00:46:41.
00:46:42.
00:46:43.
00:46:44.
00:46:45.
00:46:46.
00:46:47.
00:46:48.
00:46:49.
00:46:50.
00:46:51.
00:47:01.
00:47:02.
00:47:03.
00:47:04.
00:47:05.
00:47:06.
00:47:07.
00:47:08.
00:47:09.
00:47:10.
00:47:11.
00:47:12.
00:47:14.
00:47:15.
00:47:16.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on the flaming roof I'm sorry mum I'll take you out another night something cropped
00:47:41up like what dad you understand I don't Jeffrey we always say you do Jeffrey you're at it every
00:47:53night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different I knew you'd understand
00:48:11I'll talk about on me around what's going on pounds down again open down like a pair of knickers you
00:48:39should know or me not me what a night a lot including action replays in slow motion hey lads I picked up a
00:48:58bit of spare last night who didn't it's true yes Jeffrey it is yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please it's Neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel
00:49:24he'll see other girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up
00:49:54he only had one ambition in life send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:39well I'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:58we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Jeffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you
00:51:17did I say more
00:51:18pardon
00:51:20how's Beryl baby getting on then
00:51:22Jeffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome
00:51:35you laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care
00:51:54I don't know what baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07Jeffrey
00:52:10Jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat
00:52:40gets it together
00:52:41where it's at
00:52:41lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53I'm sorry I no understand English
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:13she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it
00:53:23great beat isn't it
00:53:32great to dance to
00:53:34do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41if so what's death
00:53:45um
00:53:47a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:54have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:00no
00:54:01but I've seen the film
00:54:04you married
00:54:05no
00:54:07grab yourself an adage
00:54:09marriage
00:54:10marriage
00:54:11is a cabbage
00:54:12are you a poet?
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:16ask the answers
00:54:18you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager at Marks and Spencers
00:54:24good job
00:54:26I really dirt you
00:54:28now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:31what's on ITV?
00:54:34this
00:54:36what's on BBC
00:54:38cuttin' over
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:45this
00:54:46oh
00:54:48come on now
00:54:49you know that's not where it's at
00:54:51let's get this
00:54:52what's the word
00:54:53let's get it clear
00:54:55let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:58okay
00:54:59mm
00:55:01women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:12papers yeah
00:55:13what papers?
00:55:15a marriage certificate
00:55:17a dog's license
00:55:18whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:19look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:22all girls want marriage
00:55:23and a white wedding
00:55:24really basic?
00:55:26you want to be really basic?
00:55:28utterly basic
00:55:29balls
00:55:30grass?
00:55:32Enid
00:55:34when Sandra says every girl
00:55:36she means most girls
00:55:38well like herself
00:55:39not me of course
00:55:40because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:42but most girls definitely want
00:55:45balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything
00:55:51I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:53what?
00:55:54balls
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59you believe in free love right?
00:56:01you're wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:03freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination
00:56:06honestly don't you understand
00:56:08excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:09if we're liberating society for the future I'm sure
00:56:11no thank you
00:56:12excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15argh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well I'm sorry
00:56:19it's alright
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's pleasure
00:56:22grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey you've knocked to
00:56:24not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:26I said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:37oh wow
00:56:39we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:41we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:45it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee kid
00:56:49yes
00:56:50you see what we believe is
00:56:51now
00:56:52you see
00:56:53where are one?
00:56:54I can see there's only one way to get through
00:56:59what are you doing?
00:57:01lighting everybody's fire
00:57:05burn my bra
00:57:07right
00:57:08that's it
00:57:09finished
00:57:10the end
00:57:11full stop
00:57:13we've finally split up
00:57:14Neville
00:57:15Sandra wants you
00:57:16I should imagine
00:57:17sad isn't it?
00:57:18pathetic
00:57:19well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:33it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:35I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50a perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:57very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:02yeah
00:58:03she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:07you're very sweet Roland
00:58:09I've always thought you were
00:58:13did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:17it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:19no it's nice
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:23oh sorry
00:58:46I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:48oh sorry
00:58:53do you know
00:58:54what Beryl?
00:58:55she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:03he's upstairs I think
00:59:10is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:12usually
00:59:19oh
00:59:20I hate to be any trouble
00:59:22but I think I'm dying
00:59:23you'll be all right
00:59:24honest
00:59:25she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:28who?
00:59:29she said
00:59:31Geoffrey?
00:59:33Geoffrey?
00:59:35Geoffrey?
00:59:39sorry
00:59:43Geoffrey?
00:59:44sorry
00:59:50Geoffrey?
00:59:51ooh
00:59:52move up a bit Geoffrey
00:59:53put your legs
00:59:54ooh
00:59:55that's better
00:59:57it's because it's your first time isn't it?
00:59:58ooh
00:59:59ooh
01:00:00ooh
01:00:01that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:04ooh
01:00:05ooh
01:00:06ooh
01:00:07ooh
01:00:08ooh
01:00:09ooh
01:00:10ooh
01:00:11ooh
01:00:12ooh
01:00:13call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:14Quilmslow Road
01:00:15Willmslow Road
01:00:20it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:22what was it then?
01:00:26grass
01:00:27grass
01:00:29grass is marijuana
01:00:32this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:39that you Beryl?
01:00:50had a nice time?
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:00if you've had a nice time
01:01:02even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:04having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave me to rest
01:01:43I'm right off birds
01:01:46I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:53good morning
01:02:13your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:16can I then
01:02:23and
01:02:31me
01:02:32you
01:02:34and
01:02:35you
01:02:39and
01:02:40me
01:02:41yes
01:02:42you
01:02:43I
01:02:45you
01:02:47I
01:02:48Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again soon?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:50Ignorant bugger.
01:03:53I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Hello.
01:04:21Hello.
01:04:22We're in the room.
01:04:23We are here.
01:04:24We're talking to him.
01:04:25I'm just a little more.
01:04:26I'm just a small well.
01:04:28This is the biggest thing.
01:04:29Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:59Maybe this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, Meryl?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:30So, what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:51I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:56I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling, things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgill's.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:36I'm sorry about me.
01:10:36I'm sorry.
01:10:37No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:42Not yet.
01:10:43What are you staring at?
01:10:43Hello?
01:10:44You all right, son?
01:10:45Terrific.
01:10:46Terrific.
01:10:47Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:47Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:52Hmm.
01:10:53My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:54Oh.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:11:27Oh.
01:11:28Oh.
01:11:29Oh.
01:11:30Oh.
01:11:31Oh.
01:11:32Oh.
01:11:33Oh.
01:11:34Oh.
01:11:35Oh.
01:11:36Oh.
01:11:37Two boys getting married.
01:11:38Pretty wise.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:45And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:48I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Goodnight.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:04Specially when he said goodnight.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:09Having a good time.
01:12:11Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:48Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau,
01:12:54and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar. Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Time's up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:14See what I think...
01:14:15See what I think...
01:14:16See what I think...
01:14:17Go on.
01:14:18No, you.
01:14:19Mine wasn't important.
01:14:20No, mine wasn't.
01:14:21Beryl?
01:14:22Are you...
01:14:23Happy?
01:14:24Of course.
01:14:25Very.
01:14:26Very.
01:14:27I am.
01:14:28No-one is every second of me.
01:14:29No, you.
01:14:30Go on.
01:14:31Go on.
01:14:32No, you.
01:14:33Mine wasn't important.
01:14:34No, Mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:52I am.
01:14:54No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:19Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48There isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like...
01:16:04You know...
01:16:06Crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:21In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:47After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:16:59Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:22Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells, especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:30I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:56I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:26thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:29I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:36At all.
01:18:38Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:51Good luck.
01:18:53Peace, man.
01:18:55St Anne's Square.
01:18:56St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:58St Anne's Square.
01:18:59St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:00So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:04And what else do I need?
01:19:05Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:06Teething ring.
01:19:07Wedding ring?
01:19:08Oh, of course.
01:19:09Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:11No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:12Oh, sorry.
01:19:13What about?
01:19:14Oh, skip it.
01:19:15About time, too.
01:19:16Which is sympathy.
01:19:17Not that I need any.
01:19:18I need a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:21And what else do I need?
01:19:23Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:27Yeah.
01:19:28And what else do I need?
01:19:29What else do I need?
01:19:30Is it a wedding ring?
01:19:31Wedding ring?
01:19:32Wedding ring?
01:19:33Of course.
01:19:34Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:36No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:37Oh, sorry.
01:19:38What about?
01:19:39Oh, skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:43I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:45But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55It's all over now.
01:21:58Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Mm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:58My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:22:59I'm right off it myself.
01:23:00I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:01Aw.
01:23:02I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:03I hope not.
01:23:04It's marvellous.
01:23:05Good.
01:23:06I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:07Thank you, love.
01:23:08Still off the food I noticed.
01:23:09And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:10Fantastic.
01:23:11For example, say I finally did marry her.
01:23:12I think I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not.
01:23:16It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:23Still off the food I noticed.
01:23:29And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:39Only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bit.
01:23:50And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:58We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:06Where's she going?
01:24:07Hospital.
01:24:12Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15Mm-hm.
01:24:16There we go.
01:24:17There we go.
01:24:18There we go.
01:24:20Thanks, Dad.
01:24:22We're all done.
01:24:24Thanks be to the ring.
01:24:26Bye.
01:24:27Bye.
01:24:29Bye.
01:24:30Bye.
01:24:31Bye.
01:24:38Bye.
01:24:39Bye.
01:24:40Bye.
01:24:41Bye.
01:24:42Bye.
01:24:43Bye.
01:24:44Bye.
01:24:45Oh, hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:17Hi. When's the kick off? In about three months.
01:25:35Football season's over now, Beryl. What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:50I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:55Where will you go now, then? Don't know.
01:26:03Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends. Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:52Unbelievable.
01:27:14Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56¡Granston! ¡Granston! ¡Granston! ¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:19¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:21¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:22¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:24¡Granston! ¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:25¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:27¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:28¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:30¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:32¡Granston! ¡Granston! ¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:33¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:34¡Granston!
01:28:35¡Granston!
01:28:36¡Granston! ¡Granston!
01:28:36And outside, getting wet together's fun
01:28:43When the crying's dark
01:28:48Love and rainy weather
01:28:53Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:13Love and rainy weather
01:29:18Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
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