- 1 year ago
These stories highlight the strength found in embracing differences. Sydney discovered she was intersex in her twenties and has since become a confident voice in the queer community, openly sharing how her identity shapes her dating life. Jonna, a 3-foot-tall dancer with dwarfism, challenges beauty standards and brings body positivity to her relationships, showing that love and confidence come in all sizes. Monica, who has Tourette’s, has been cautious about dating due to her tics, but takes a brave step by going on a blind date—hoping to find someone who accepts her fully.
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00:00Get ready with me to go on a date with my friend's roommate.
00:04I am Sydney. I'm 24 years old. I'm a TikToker and an intersex person.
00:10Biological sex is not a binary and I am living proof of that.
00:14It's going to be nice to go on a date with Sydney, based off of what I know of him.
00:20But you just never know how these things are going to turn out.
00:23I plan on telling him that I'm intersex, like, pretty quickly.
00:27Because the longer I wait, the more nervous I get about it.
00:31There's so much that people don't understand about being intersex.
00:35Dating can be difficult.
00:37An ideal date is one where, when no one says anything embarrassing,
00:41unfortunately, I've had a lot of dates where people say things that are close-minded.
00:47So any date that doesn't involve something like that is honestly good with me.
00:54Hi.
00:55How are you doing?
00:56I'm good. How are you doing?
00:57Good. Good to see you.
00:59How's it going?
01:00It's going.
01:04Sometimes I am worried about how a date will react when I tell them that I'm intersex.
01:08I think they try to visualize it and they try to reconcile what they see as a woman
01:14with this idea that they've just presented with that I am not.
01:17The main reaction that I get is this pensive look and they just kind of go,
01:21huh?
01:22Did Ili tell you that I'm intersex?
01:25She mentioned it a little bit.
01:27Have you heard the word before?
01:29I've heard of it, but I still don't really know too much about it.
01:35It means that I have characteristics that fall outside of the binary.
01:40There are some things that aren't either male nor female when it comes to my hormones and
01:45my physical anatomy.
01:46I didn't realize I was intersex until I was 17 years old.
01:51I was raised as a girl.
01:53When I was around 15 years old, I decided to go to the doctor for severe cystic acne.
02:00They were able to measure my hormones thinking that could be a contributing factor.
02:04It was found that I had a heightened level of androgens or what are sometimes called male
02:08hormones.
02:09And so they prescribed me hormones for my acne to try to make me normal.
02:14That's the very first time that I noticed that my body was different.
02:18When I was 16 turning 17, I realized I didn't have an opening.
02:23When I visited the gynecologist, they didn't really believe me.
02:27But when they finally looked and saw that there truly was no opening there, that it hadn't
02:32developed, then they decided that it was time to do surgery.
02:37And that's what we proceeded with.
02:39It felt like I had a proper body, like I'm getting closer to being the female that I
02:44was intended to be.
02:45But I do wish that the word intersex had been uttered.
02:49I wish I knew why this was happening.
02:51I wish they didn't treat it as an anomaly.
02:55Have you ever had any problems with that, like dating or anything?
02:59No, I think it's pretty new.
03:01I know it's new that I'm being more honest about it.
03:04And that's partially because in the past, I just viewed like my intersex characteristics
03:08as flaws.
03:09It isn't until recently that I'm realizing that I'm okay being honest with people about
03:16what it actually means to be intersex.
03:17Well, that's good.
03:19I hope so.
03:21In my early 20s, I made friends in the queer community.
03:24That's when I identified as intersex for the first time.
03:27I had a conversation with a friend who is transgender.
03:31And they were like, huh, that's kind of like being transgender.
03:34I knew that that's not who I am.
03:38That I don't actually have a transgender experience.
03:41So after hanging out with them, I googled what it means to have a body with these anatomical
03:47differences.
03:48That's when I learned the word intersex.
03:50Hey, how's it going?
03:56Oh, mom's here too, I guess.
04:00So, tell us.
04:02How was the date?
04:03How was it?
04:04I think the date was nice.
04:06He exceeded my expectations and being really thoughtful and easy to talk to.
04:09So the date went really well.
04:11I think she's really nice.
04:12Really cool.
04:13Kind of crazy that she found out about her being intersex at such a late age.
04:19I can't really imagine what that would be like.
04:22Life has changed tremendously since I began to identify as intersex.
04:28I've been a lot happier with myself because I can understand why my body is the way that
04:34it is.
04:35I wish that people would understand that it's not bizarre to be intersex.
04:39The biological sex is not binary.
04:41It exists on a spectrum.
04:43That people who are intersex have bodies of all kinds, different characteristics.
04:47There's no one way to be an intersex person.
04:56I'm a three-feet baddie that deserves to be treated like a queen.
05:01Today I'm going on my first blind date.
05:03Dating with dwarfism is very different, obviously, than the average person.
05:08I'm curious as to how he's going to react.
05:11Hello, hello.
05:12How's it going?
05:13Hi.
05:13How are you?
05:14Good.
05:14How are you?
05:15Today I'm going on a blind date.
05:19And I've never gone to a blind date before in my life, so I have no idea what to expect.
05:25But yeah, I'm excited.
05:27I was born with a rare form of dwarfism called cartilage hair hypoplasia.
05:34I'm only three feet, and typically other types of dwarfisms are a lot taller than me.
05:39I kind of just look like an average size, just like smushed together.
05:45Everything's like proportionate except my legs and my arms.
05:49High school was the hardest.
05:50Just kids were having crushes, and it was all fun and games, but nobody wanted to date the little person.
05:56All the guys were like, you know, I'd date you if, like, you were taller, or they, like, I had a secret relationship for about six years, which is terrible.
06:08He didn't want anybody to know.
06:12For me, I'm curious as to how he's going to react.
06:15I can see people's reaction before they actually say anything, so I think that's what I'm more, like, curious about.
06:24So right now, I'm on my blind date, and we're at a Mexican restaurant.
06:28I'm kind of nervous now.
06:29As I get older, I realize that just someone that's, like, genuine and honest and loyal is, like, a huge checklist.
06:37It's not easy to find.
06:39My name's Brian Sullivan.
06:41I'm 29 years old, and I'm a musician.
06:43About my date, I don't know much about her.
06:45I just know that she's a little person, and she's looking for love, a lot of love, big love, so I'm here.
06:53Hello, hello, how's it going?
06:54Hi.
06:55How are you?
06:55Good, how are you?
06:56Fantastic.
06:57I'm Jonna.
06:58Jonna, I'm Brian.
06:58Brian, nice to meet you.
07:00How you doing today?
07:01Good, good.
07:01Good, good.
07:02It's another good day.
07:04I kind of hope that he, like, I don't know if, like, no reaction means good.
07:10I think probably just an open, like, like, it doesn't matter.
07:16It's just who you are.
07:18It's no big deal.
07:19So what's up?
07:20We're going to get some food?
07:20We're going to get some drinks?
07:21Yeah, I'm good.
07:22I'm good.
07:22I'm hungry.
07:22I'm trying to drink a margarita.
07:23All right.
07:24Sure.
07:24Here we go.
07:24I know how it goes.
07:25They say you buy two.
07:26The third one's $5 off, so we might be able to share that last one.
07:29Okay.
07:30Give me two straws.
07:30Actually, I don't drink.
07:31Oh, you don't?
07:32No.
07:32Okay, beautiful.
07:33Yeah.
07:33I love it.
07:34I've been sober for about almost five years.
07:36Congratulations.
07:37I appreciate that.
07:38I don't want to send you off the edge.
07:39No, no, it doesn't bother me.
07:40Okay.
07:41It's all good.
07:41I've been around it.
07:42I love it.
07:43Yeah.
07:43I love it.
07:44Is there any reason in particular why you stopped drinking?
07:46Well, yeah.
07:47Obviously, it's good for you not to drink, so, you know what I mean?
07:50I just kind of got out of control.
07:53I hear you.
07:54You know?
07:54No, no worries.
07:55You know, living in a world that doesn't accommodate little people is hard.
08:02I did struggle with an addiction of drugs and alcohol, which I'm now sober.
08:07Through all that, like, here I am, and I'm feeling good about myself, you know?
08:12Can we get two waters?
08:13Yeah.
08:14I want some lemon in the water, and then can I get maybe a strawberry margarita?
08:17Ooh.
08:18Strawberry margarita.
08:19Yeah, I'm sweet like that.
08:20I do love, like, if we have the connection of, like, music, because I love just, like,
08:25blasting and singing songs in the car.
08:28Life is music.
08:29That's what these tattoos are.
08:30So, you got the microphone here.
08:31The tattoo says, my music is medicine.
08:34And then, Love City is, you know, my little crew.
08:37Here in Fresno?
08:38Okay.
08:39So, I'm a dancer.
08:40Okay.
08:41So, I danced in L.A. for quite a while.
08:43Nice.
08:43And at studios and stuff.
08:45Yeah, yeah.
08:45And I got, like, noticed by Chris Brown.
08:48What?
08:49Snoop Dogg.
08:50What kind of dance?
08:51Hip-hop.
08:51Straight hip-hop.
08:52Yeah.
08:52Okay, yeah.
08:53I got the, you know.
08:54No, I can see it.
08:55I can see it.
08:57Dancing has pretty much been my whole life.
09:01Like, I started dancing when I was six.
09:02I moved to L.A., and it really helped me get through a lot of times.
09:06And then I started posting about it, and people loved it.
09:09And then TikTok came into my life, and I loved that.
09:13And I kind of blew up from there, because nobody had really seen someone my size do dances that average people do.
09:22Can I offer you guys any extra stuff?
09:25I'm good.
09:25Yeah, I'm good.
09:26I see all these jalapenos.
09:28I'm going to slide these to the side and eat them proportionately.
09:32You know what?
09:33Is it all right if I excuse myself for just a moment?
09:34Sure, go ahead.
09:35Give me just a moment.
09:35I'll be right back.
09:36Okay.
09:36I love the fact that he's a musician, because that means, like, we would connect on a, like, creative level and be able to talk about it, which we already were.
09:44Like, everything seemed to flow, like, very well.
09:48I think we're having a good conversation.
09:50Like, he's funny.
09:51He's smart.
09:53Very talented.
09:54Very handsome.
09:55So, I'm happy.
09:57Hey, hey, I am back.
09:59I am back.
10:00You didn't miss me too much, did you?
10:02Just a little bit.
10:03So, that's it.
10:05You were talking about the height.
10:06I need to ask some questions.
10:07Yeah.
10:08This is my first time.
10:09So, do you mind if I ask questions?
10:10No, go for it.
10:11Okay.
10:11First and foremost.
10:12Yes.
10:13How do you consider and you use the words to talk about yourself?
10:18Because I don't want to come in here and disrespect you.
10:19Okay, okay.
10:20I appreciate that.
10:21So, I mean, first and foremost, like, my name is Jonna.
10:25Period.
10:25That's who I am.
10:26I love it.
10:26But I do have dwarfism.
10:28Okay.
10:29And, like, little person is fine, just not the M word.
10:31Yeah.
10:32I'm sure you know.
10:32Yeah.
10:32Midget is very derogatory and it has a lot of negative contact to it.
10:38So, when people say, oh, that's a little person, like, yeah, I am a little person.
10:43That is accurate.
10:44But I'm also just a person and a human being like everyone else.
10:48I'm black, so I know there's words that you can't say.
10:51You know what I mean?
10:51I'm trying to make sure.
10:52That's how it, like, same relation, I guess.
10:55Absolutely.
10:56You know, so.
10:56I understand.
10:57It's the same thing with when big in or?
10:59Yeah, no, I think if you have been around it in a negative way, then you don't really
11:05want to hear it, which the world is pretty negative all around, so.
11:10You know, you learn something every day, and I was told, and I live by, if you're not earning,
11:14you should be learning.
11:15You know what I mean?
11:16I love that.
11:16If anything, I appreciate you for educating me.
11:19Yeah, of course.
11:20Was I attracted to him?
11:21Yes, I was attracted to him.
11:23Yes.
11:23Why?
11:24What did you like to hear?
11:25I like that he was tall and good style.
11:29He surprised me because it was so, like, easy to talk to him.
11:33All right, so what's up?
11:33We about ready to go?
11:34Yeah, let's do it.
11:35Okay, let's make moves.
11:36All right.
11:37I don't know.
11:37It just seemed very genuine.
11:40So, yeah.
11:40I was surprised to see that she was three foot.
11:43You know what I mean?
11:44I'm not even going to lie.
11:45I'm six foot one, so to see her actually stand up next to her, I was like, okay, I see what's
11:49going on.
11:49How was the date?
11:51I think it went great.
11:52I liked it.
11:53It was great.
11:53Yeah, yeah.
11:54It was a beautiful experience.
11:56I'm happy.
11:56Totally, totally.
11:57I think my favorite part was me just really being nervous.
12:00As somebody who does performances and stuff like that, like, talking over her and stuff,
12:03like, damn, bro, chill.
12:06You know?
12:06So that was, like, just different for me, but I enjoyed it.
12:09It was a great time.
12:10Where do you guys see each other again?
12:11Let's go.
12:12I'm down.
12:12Let's make it happen.
12:13Yeah.
12:13Let's make it happen.
12:14I'm with it.
12:15Yeah.
12:15I already said.
12:16We shooting videos, you dancing.
12:17What's up?
12:18I think the biggest thing that I've learned today was to just go with the flow and, like,
12:22every experience that is given to you is going to help you learn something about yourself,
12:27so might as well just jump on it, and I'm glad I did.
12:30I have never been on a blind date, so this is my first.
12:50We are dressed and ready to go. Here's my outfit. Do I look cute?
12:56The ideal reaction would just be like, okay, thank you for telling me, or no, that's fine.
13:02Not, oh my god, do you have Tourette's?
13:05Hello. Hi, how you doing? Good day.
13:10You're boring.
13:12I have never been on a blind date, so this is my first.
13:16My name's Monica, I'm 20 years old and I live in Sydney, Australia.
13:21Tourette's is a neurological condition that causes a person to have vocal and physical tics.
13:28F*** you. I hate it. Love you. Love you too.
13:34Growing up with Tourette's was pretty interesting. I was diagnosed when I was seven.
13:38It's been both negative and positive.
13:41We are dressed and ready to go. Here's my outfit. Do I look cute?
13:47I'm excited to go on a date with a girl because I'm kind of sick of men and I love female energy.
13:55My name is Leela. I'm 25 years old. I've never been in a blind date before.
13:59So in terms of that, I don't really have very high expectations.
14:03I'm going to f*** her.
14:09Hello. How are you? Good.
14:11Nice to meet you, Monica.
14:12Nice to meet you, Leela.
14:16I like your tattoos. Thank you.
14:18I was almost going to wear my docks, but then I thought because it's so hot.
14:22Yeah. Yeah.
14:23No. They're too heavy.
14:25Yeah. But I have the same pair.
14:27Nice. They're like powerful.
14:28Would you like some more water?
14:30Yes, please. Thank you.
14:31You're welcome.
14:32So are you from Sydney?
14:35Do you think I am?
14:36No.
14:37Yeah. No.
14:39How long have you been here?
14:40I've been here for like three months.
14:42Nice.
14:43So that's, yeah.
14:44Nice.
14:45Just getting to know everything.
14:46Yeah. I've been working mostly.
14:47Yeah. Nice.
14:49Are you?
14:50I grew up in like Sydney all my life.
14:53So yeah, it's kind of home.
14:55F*** you.
14:58I also wanted to let you know that I have Tourette's.
15:01So sometimes I have vocal and physical tics.
15:03Yeah.
15:04If you just ignore it, it'd be great.
15:05Yeah.
15:06But if you're going to ask me any questions.
15:07Yeah.
15:08You're like F***.
15:09I still remember the first moment I got my first tic.
15:12I was literally in school walking down the stairs and I felt this urge come out of my neck.
15:18And I needed to make this sound.
15:20It was like F***.
15:21I had to go F***.
15:22And I had to say it.
15:24And just for the whole day, I just needed to say it.
15:27So I, yeah, just went home to my mum, told her and she just took me to the GP.
15:32And the GP was like, it's a cough.
15:34I actually wasn't diagnosed for two years because there was like no awareness.
15:39I'm familiar with it.
15:40Yeah.
15:41When I was a kid, they used to think I had Tourette's as well.
15:44Really?
15:45Because I have really shaky hands.
15:46Like ever since I've been, yeah, a really small kid.
15:49Interesting.
15:50And so they ruled it out like pretty early on though.
15:53I already know.
15:54I was misdiagnosed.
15:55Yeah.
15:56So, yeah.
15:57So no worries.
15:58Absolutely not a problem.
16:00Yeah.
16:01I thought I'd let you know earlier because I like to let people know earlier.
16:04Yeah.
16:05That's good.
16:06Have you had like really bad experiences?
16:07I have.
16:08I started an awareness page because of all my like crappy experiences.
16:11Yeah.
16:12So people in the street, some people are so rude.
16:15Yeah.
16:16I'm sorry to hear that.
16:17Stuff like that.
16:18Yeah.
16:19What do you do for work?
16:20I work as a waitress at a restaurant.
16:23Is it a fancy restaurant?
16:25It's a fancy restaurant.
16:26So I'm dressed as a penguin.
16:28A what?
16:29As a penguin.
16:30Like I like to call it.
16:31Like I have to wear like a whole suit and everything.
16:33I thought you were actually dressed as a penguin.
16:34No.
16:35I always say that and then people are like, are you?
16:37How about you?
16:38I work with kids.
16:39So I work in after school care.
16:41I love kids.
16:42Really?
16:43Yeah.
16:44Just do it.
16:45Just play sport.
16:46Get paid to play sport.
16:47Yeah.
16:48So you said the misdiagnosis?
16:49Even like when I would speak publicly, I would have like a trembling voice.
16:53Yeah.
16:54Like shaking.
16:55People just interpreted it in weird ways.
16:57Like they thought I was being nervous.
16:58Yeah.
16:59A lot of the times like now I hear, oh, like, are you an addict?
17:02Are these like withdrawal symptoms?
17:04And I'm like, no.
17:05But he's so f***ing rude.
17:06I know.
17:07So, yeah.
17:08So, yeah.
17:09That's like the opposite of me.
17:11Because I have been diagnosed with a cough.
17:14I just had like another question about your condition.
17:17Go for it.
17:18Yeah.
17:19Do you feel when you have a tick, like, are you aware of it?
17:21Yeah.
17:22So, it's like a sneeze.
17:23So, you can like feel a build up coming.
17:25Yeah.
17:26And then let it out.
17:27Yeah.
17:28So, I know when I'm going to tick.
17:30I can even hear the word before it comes.
17:32Yeah.
17:33So, my brain is like say f***, say f***, and then I'll say f***.
17:35Yeah.
17:36Like I know the word before it's going to come.
17:37Yeah.
17:38Yeah.
17:39You're boring.
17:40I'm just going to go to the bathroom of that store.
17:42Sure, no worries.
17:43It's going pretty good.
17:45Very smooth.
17:46And she was so chill with my traits.
17:49That is a model response to everyone.
17:52Personally, I'm still warming up just because I'm a little picky.
17:55But I feel the conversation is really nice.
17:58We're on the same page.
17:59Chill.
18:02Actually, I was going to ask also about your dating experience.
18:06Yeah.
18:07It's a lot to unpack.
18:09Yeah.
18:10Yeah.
18:11So, I've been in one long-term relationship.
18:14Okay.
18:15And the others have just been like seeing people.
18:17I have been in previous relationships.
18:19Tourette's has actually helped me in these relationships because I use it as a little like tool when I meet someone.
18:26So, when I say I have Tourette's, like from the get-go how they react really establishes the type of person they are.
18:34So, it can show the accepting people, non-judgmental people or like the people who you completely don't want to associate with.
18:42I kind of use it as a tool.
18:43Like how they react tells me about them straight away.
18:45Oh, yeah.
18:46Of course.
18:47If they're like judgmental or not.
18:48That makes a lot of sense.
18:49Yeah.
18:52Thank you so much.
18:53I've always wanted to talk about my experiences online but I just felt like people would hate me or judge me.
19:00But I've actually found like a really nice community and people are so lovely.
19:05I've kind of noticed that now that you're I guess more relaxed and we're like both of us are more at ease.
19:11Maybe your tics are less noticeable or less frequent.
19:15So, does like nervousness have an impact on your tics or like frequency and stuff?
19:21Yeah.
19:22So, nervousness does.
19:23Yeah.
19:24I was like oh how is she going to react?
19:25I haven't even seen her.
19:26I was like each side.
19:27Yeah.
19:28So, jittery and a lot of tics.
19:29Yeah.
19:30But now we're like easy and you're fine.
19:31It's chill.
19:32It's actually the same with my thing with my hands and like the voice.
19:35Yeah.
19:36You shake more.
19:37So, you're not shaking?
19:38Yeah.
19:39Thanks for your time today though.
19:40It's lovely.
19:41Thank you very much.
19:42Yeah.
19:43I had fun meeting you.
19:44It was good.
19:45I think I went really smooth.
19:46Good conversation.
19:47Good chat.
19:48Did you have fun though?
19:49Yeah, same.
19:50I also really thought it was very natural.
19:52For me personally, it was just connecting on the same level without like conditions and relating to it.
19:59I thought Monica was very nice.
20:01Very, very nice.
20:02I think she's very pretty and that's a good start I guess.
20:06Would you guys like to run another day again?
20:08Like would you say cover a game, get another drink?
20:11I would hang out.
20:12Yeah.
20:13Yeah.
20:14Yeah.
20:15Yeah.
20:16This dating experience has just taught me a lot about be yourself.
20:19Don't dim your light because you attract the right people.
20:24And there's always good people out there.
20:26And to never let your disability get in the way of dating.
20:31But to be a young kid I've never got a bunch of students a lot.
20:34Well, it's so nice.
20:35I hope you're having some help.
20:36Yeah, I'm not so happy because I can't imagine.
20:37I'm not so happy.
20:38And I'll be staying together.
20:39I'm not so happy to have a wedding.
20:40I'm sure, so it's going to be a cold moment.
20:41You have to be a cold moment.
20:42You've been doing a cold moment.