FAIRY TALE FRIDAY - SNOW WHITE - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00This is the story of Snow White.

00:08Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, wicked queen.

00:11Every day, she would take a duck-faced selfie,

00:14post it to Instagram with,

00:15Hashtag Who's the Fairest?

00:17And every day, her followers would reply,

00:19You are, or Dad Ass.

00:21And the queen was pleased.

00:23But one day, her followers said,

00:25Hashtag Snow White.

00:27Snow White, said the queen.

00:29Siri, who is this little slut?

00:31I'm sorry, I can't help you at this time.

00:33Please ask again later, said Siri.

00:35What the f**k? What are you?

00:36Some magic f**king eight ball, shrieked the queen,

00:38throwing her phone across the room.

00:40So the queen called in the royal apple genius.

00:43You're probably disconnected from the tower's Wi-Fi, my queen.

00:46Then reconnect me. The 4G in this tower sucks.

00:49Also, go find Snow White and kill her.

00:52So the royal genius went and found Snow White

00:54and brought her into the woods to kill her.

00:57When he saw her, he was struck not only by how beautiful she was,

01:00but by how much they had in common.

01:02They both wore funky glasses.

01:04They both thought every episode of Girls was goddamn Shakespeare

01:06and needed to be discussed for hours.

01:08And they were both so over Facebook.

01:11It was a match made in hipster heaven.

01:13In fact, the royal genius was so sad about having to kill Snow White

01:17that he decided he would compromise.

01:19He would just leave her in the woods to starve to death and be eaten by animals.

01:23You know, win-win.

01:25The plan would have worked,

01:26but Snow White was spotted by seven dwarves who took her home with them.

01:29Meanwhile, the queen was still angry because Snow White had so many more Instagram followers than she did.

01:34So the royal genius suggested she go on Chat Roulette to take her mind off things.

01:38Pretty soon, the queen forgot all about Snow White because the perverts on Chat Roulette made her feel good about herself again.

01:44Back in the woods, the dwarves were totally getting sick of Snow White and her hipster bullshit.

01:49I mean, if they had to hear one more time about how cool Zooey Deschanel was, they were going to kill themselves.

01:54Soon, the royal genius, who somehow knew where Snow White was hiding out,

01:58showed up with flowers to express his love to Snow White.

02:01She said she felt the same way, too, and Snapchatted the bouquet to all her friends, saying,

02:05Still a sucker for chivalry?

02:07Then the royal genius said,

02:09Hey, it would be a real turn-on for me if the dwarves could watch us, you know. Do it?

02:15Well, it would be fine with me, but I think they'd rather just watch porn, said Snow White.

02:20Well, I guess I'll just cut their internet then. Win-win, said the genius.

02:25And they all lived happily ever after.

02:28Come back next time and you'll hear the fable of the princess who got syphilis.

02:37What?

02:38You

FAIRY TALE FRIDAY - SNOW WHITE

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