- 2 days ago
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00:01Charge!
00:02What?
00:03Charge, Richard, charge.
00:06What is it?
00:08Has it been charged?
00:11Oh, what has Sheridan been up to now?
00:14No, no, no, dear. My new mobile phone.
00:19Is it on charge?
00:21Oh, yes, I put it on charge last night.
00:26Well, please go and check, dear.
00:28I shall need it with me all day while I'm directing the rehearsal.
00:36I hate historical pageants.
00:40Why do I have to be King Charles?
00:44Because you're married to me and I shall be Queen.
00:49Now, why doesn't that surprise you?
00:52Do you make sure it's fully charged, Richard?
00:56The only batteries running down round here are mine.
01:06Be gods, that must be urgent.
01:08Probably some poor devil desperately in need of assistance.
01:12Vicarage?
01:14Correction. It's not urgent, it's just irritating.
01:18It's the Bucket Woman.
01:20What does she want at this hour?
01:23Find out.
01:27Hello, Mrs Bucket.
01:30I'm sorry, my husband's just been called away.
01:35He'll be at the church hall all day.
01:38Directing the rehearsals for the pageant.
01:42The pageant.
01:44Oh, yes, I remember.
01:47I don't know how we'd ever have got this pageant off the ground without you, Mrs Bucket.
01:52In fact, I don't think we'd even have thought about a pageant without you, Mrs Bucket.
01:58Yes, of course, we'll pop in later to see how the rehearsal's going.
02:02You'll have to go show some interest.
02:04Oh, that's nice.
02:08Yes, I'll write that down.
02:10Pencil.
02:15Yes, I've got that, thank you, Mrs Bucket.
02:18Yes, we'll see you later.
02:20Thank you for calling.
02:22What does she want?
02:24To let us know we can get in touch with her any time of day.
02:27Oh, well, that's a relief.
02:29To think we can get in touch with her any time of the day.
02:32Doesn't she realise the trick is not to get in touch with her any time of the day?
02:37What were you writing down?
02:38The number of her new mobile phone.
02:41Oh, good heavens, she's mobile now.
02:44The bucket woman, fully mobile.
02:47She's going to be an epidemic, and there's no cure.
02:50Why did you let her take charge of the pageant?
02:53I thought Emmett was doing it.
02:55Until she came along, I think Emmett thought Emmett was doing it.
02:59Take it through to the changing rooms, dear.
03:05And do be careful with my crown.
03:09In the middle of a civil war, would the Queen be wearing her crown?
03:13It's a question of morale, Richard. Keeping up the people's spirits.
03:19Cut!
03:21I expect the peasants love to see me wearing my crown.
03:26Oh!
03:27You follow Richard through, dear.
03:30And tell all our volunteers I'll be with them in a minute.
03:34Here.
03:35Oh!
03:40As soon as I've made a call on my mobile phone.
03:44I did tell you I'm now on a mobile phone, did I, Elizabeth?
03:47Yes, I have since several times.
03:50I'd like my friends to have my number.
03:53Oh, I think we've all got your number, Harrison.
03:56Oh, dear Emmett.
03:58What a tire of strength you are.
04:01I shall be surprised if you don't end up as one of the Queen's favourites.
04:07Perhaps you'd begin by getting our volunteers into some kind of order.
04:12Alphabetical or monastic.
04:13I know you are, Emmett.
04:17No, begin sorting out the roundheads from the Cavaliers.
04:21They can practise their curtsies for when I enter.
04:24Though I shan't be wearing my crown just yet.
04:28I don't want to blind them with royalty too soon.
04:34Hello.
04:36Hello.
04:37Is that the local paper?
04:39Hmm.
04:40Well, I wish to speak with your editor, please.
04:43Hmm?
04:45Tell him this is Mrs Hyacinth Bouquet, B-U-C-K-E-T,
04:50calling on her mobile phone.
04:59From the church hall, where she is directing a rehearsal of the pageant.
05:04And we'll be available for photographs if you cares to send someone round.
05:10Oh.
05:11Well, I'm sure you'd wish to send someone round.
05:14We are, after all, reconstructing one of the area's most important historical events.
05:19Hmm?
05:20I think your editor would agree with me that it is of paramount importance for people to be made aware of their local history.
05:29Especially with the council tax due to go up again.
05:33However, would you please tell him, if he wishes to speak to me, he may do so on the number I shall now give you,
05:41which is my personal mobile phone with last number redial and one-touch facility.
05:47Hello? Hello?
05:50Oh, that's funny.
05:52Must have clashed with the banner headline.
05:54If your rose is in love with a Spaniard...
06:14She's done, Spain. She's on Central Europe now.
06:19What's she getting romantic for at this time of the morning?
06:22It's not like our Rose. She's not usually up this early.
06:27Maybe she's just come in.
06:29Maybe she thinks it's still last night music.
06:32Rose, will you turn that music down?
06:36Oh, it's not me. It's father.
06:39He's taking dancing lessons from a Mr. Crabtree.
06:45Your father's dancing with a Mr. Crabtree?
06:48But the word unseen to no other love have I.
06:53I'm gonna have to change his pills.
06:57I should do it fairly quickly.
07:01That's better. People will see it there.
07:06Oh, up a bit with that, dear.
07:10Well, how far?
07:12No, that's too far.
07:14If I knew it'd be too far, I would have bet my headless hat on it.
07:18You'd better put these church notices back, dear.
07:21Right.
07:23Hyacinth, about those volunteers.
07:24Oh, sort them into two groups.
07:27Graceful ones for cavaliers, clumsy ones for roundheads.
07:30Well, I pray there's a bit of a problem, Hyacinth.
07:34There always is, dear.
07:36It's probably those clumsy roundheads.
07:38I shall be in in a moment to organise them personally.
07:42In the meantime, try to keep them quiet.
07:44Oh, they're quiet?
07:46They're very quiet.
07:48Was that my mobile phone?
07:52Richard!
07:54Did you hear my mobile phone?
07:55You keep asking me that and I keep saying,
07:57no, I can't say I did hear your mobile phone.
08:00I'm sure I heard my mobile phone.
08:06No. No, perhaps not.
08:08I do hope you made sure it was fully charged, dear.
08:12Oh, come along, Richard.
08:14Leave those church notices.
08:17We'll have to go and organise our volunteers.
08:20Come on, dear, come on.
08:24Door, dear.
08:29Now then, all you volunteers.
08:32Graceful ones on the left, podgy people on the right.
08:40Where have they gone?
08:42Where have my volunteers gone?
08:44Don't ask me. I'm not guilty.
08:45I'm not guilty.
08:47Where has Elizabeth taken my volunteers?
08:52Hi, Sid, that's the problem.
08:54I haven't taken them anywhere.
08:55There's no one to take.
08:57But where have they gone?
08:59Well, I don't think they've gone.
09:01I think they never came.
09:03That's very peculiar.
09:05Didn't they know I'd be here?
09:06Yes, I think they knew you'd be here.
09:13Emmett!
09:14Any more breakfast?
09:15Have we any more?
09:16There's another can in the fridge.
09:17Oh!
09:18Do you think your father ought to be dancing with the Mr. Crabtree?
09:19Yeah.
09:20No!
09:21No!
09:22No!
09:24No!
09:25No!
09:26No!
09:27No!
09:28No!
09:29No!
09:30No!
09:31No!
09:32No!
09:33No!
09:34No!
09:35No!
09:36No!
09:37No!
09:38No!
09:39No!
09:40No!
09:41No!
09:42No!
09:43Do you think your father ought to be dancing with the Mr. Crabtree?
09:47He fought for freedom, didn't he?
09:49I can't understand why they're not here.
10:08I made a point of asking them personally to volunteer.
10:12How very sporting of you to give them advanced warning like that.
10:15Hello, Mrs. Davey.
10:19Yes.
10:20I'm calling you on my mobile phone.
10:22It's higher since okay.
10:24Hello?
10:25Hello?
10:26There must be a bad connection.
10:31I'll try another number.
10:33I cannot understand why they're all not here.
10:38They can't have confused the date.
10:41I made it very clear.
10:43Mrs. Gilby, I'm calling you on my mobile phone.
10:48It's house in the bouquet here.
10:50Hello?
10:52Hello?
10:54Hello.
10:56It's strange.
10:58I'm sorry.
10:59No luck.
11:00None of them can come.
11:02Why ever not, dear?
11:03Well, they all have reasons.
11:05Very inventive reasons.
11:07Did you see Mrs. Drummond?
11:09Why can't she come?
11:10Her mother is ill.
11:12Mrs. Lomax's grandmother is ill.
11:15Mrs. Duffield's great-grandmother is ill.
11:17Mrs. Duffield's great-grandmother is ill.
11:21Oh!
11:26I'm sorry, Harsons.
11:28It's father's dancing lesson.
11:31He wants to be ready for his holiday in Spain.
11:35He wants to use!
11:36Yes, ni...
11:38You want what?!
11:40You want Onslow to be a roundhead?
11:42Oh!
11:44In the civil war?!
11:48Will there be any danger?
11:50I don't want him in the thick of any fighting!
11:52Oh no!
11:53I don't just want Onslow, I want all of you!
11:56Everybody!
11:57I need volunteers. My other people didn't turn up.
12:03Everybody seems to be ill.
12:06There's an epidemic doing things to grandmothers you just wouldn't believe.
12:12So see how many you can bring, will you, Daisy?
12:16My roundhead and cavalier was in jeopardy.
12:19I'm going to phone Violet.
12:21Are you sure that's a good idea, Hyacinth?
12:24How do you mean, dear?
12:26Well, when I spoke to Violet yesterday,
12:29she and Bruce were having a war of their own.
12:32Oh, I expect they've patched that up now.
12:34One of them will have surrendered.
12:37Now hurry up, will you, Daisy?
12:40I need to have everything shipshape before the vicar arrives.
12:43Goodbye.
12:45These creases aren't coming out.
12:48Well, is your iron hot enough?
12:51Yes.
12:52Well, is it the right temperature for the fabric?
12:58You've got it on the right setting.
13:03Oh, you're on man-made fibres.
13:06It doesn't say roundheads or cavaliers.
13:11Sometimes I think Robinson Crusoe must have been a woman.
13:15Come on, get on with it.
13:16Richard's doing it.
13:17Richard's doing it.
13:19Richard can manage anything.
13:21I wouldn't say that.
13:23Sometimes when I watch you and Hyacinth together,
13:25I think to myself, Richard could manage anything.
13:28Well, I suppose I am fairly adaptable,
13:31but then I've always had a good incentive.
13:33Richard!
13:34That's it.
13:36You know, Liz, when I got divorced,
13:43I thought it was the worst thing in the world.
13:45But since then, I've learnt that there's something worse
13:49than being divorced.
13:50What's that?
13:51Not being divorced.
13:53Now, Richard, I may not have had much luck with my volunteers,
13:59but fortunately the family are rallying round.
14:02Violet and Bruce are on their way,
14:05and I've called Daisy,
14:07so it's all hands on deck.
14:09Which means, Richard, that Onslow's coming.
14:12Have you invited Onslow?
14:14It is an emergency.
14:16Well, it must be.
14:18Now, I want you to wait inside the entrance
14:21and grab him as soon as he arrives.
14:23I want Onslow in costume as soon as he walks through that door.
14:29Onslow has a round head I can cope with.
14:31Onslow has Onslow.
14:33I don't care to think about.
14:40You'll make a great round head.
14:43Only promise to be careful.
14:46I would have liked a choice.
14:48I would have liked somebody to say,
14:50Onslow, do you fancy round head,
14:53or do you fancy cavalier?
14:55Cavalier.
14:56You'd make a great cavalier.
14:59You just think I'm great.
15:04I do, I do.
15:05I take your point.
15:08How do I look?
15:13I don't think they'll have any suitable parts for a dress like that.
15:18I'll change, I'll change.
15:21Are we taking father?
15:22She said bring everybody.
15:24What about Mr. Crabtree?
15:26She said bring everybody.
15:27Father, you are going and bring Mr. Crabtree.
15:32You will be careful being a round head and everything.
15:42Days were only acting Civil War.
15:45We're not actually doing Civil War.
15:47I hate you going to war.
15:48Just come back to me on slow.
15:50Oh, James!
15:51Please, knock it off!
15:52Oh, there isn't time for that now.
15:56I thought I heard a car.
15:57Now, if it's Onslow, grab him straight away and put him into costume.
16:11Oh, it's a Mercedes.
16:13A Mercedes!
16:14It's Violet and Bruce.
16:15Go and fetch Elizabeth and Emmet, will you, dear?
16:16Have they met my sister with the Mercedes sauna in Room for a Pony?
16:21Several times.
16:22Well, fetch them anyway.
16:24It's time to get together.
16:26It's time to get together.
16:27I can't get together.
16:28I can't get together.
16:29I can't get together.
16:30I can't get together.
16:31I can't get together.
16:32I can't get together.
16:33I can't get together.
16:36I can't get together.
16:37Several times.
16:38Well, fetch them anyway.
16:40It's time they renewed the acquaintance.
16:43Mrs Partridge?
16:45Yes, this is Hyacinth Bourquet speaking.
16:48Yes, have you forgotten the pageant?
16:51Really?
16:52Oh.
16:54Oh, I am sorry your grandmother's ill.
16:58Oh, hello?
17:00Hello?
17:01Oh, there you are.
17:02Just in time to say hello to Violet and Bruce.
17:05Oh, you can't leave me!
17:07Oh, come back to me, Violet!
17:09The gross candle!
17:10The children!
17:11The alimony!
17:14We can catch them later.
17:16Off you go, back to your ironing.
17:19You know I love you!
17:20Deep down you know I love you!
17:22I can't afford not to love you!
17:25Such a devoted couple.
17:32I didn't know he was married.
17:34Well, you know now, the swine told me he was divorced.
17:38He was divorced!
17:39Then he married me!
17:41Slow learner.
17:42The swine.
17:44I know he's a swine, but he's my swine!
17:47You can keep him!
17:48I see, not good enough for you now, is he?
17:50Sounds like a pillock to me.
17:53Look!
17:53If I catch you any illness, mate!
17:55We've got to go!
17:56Could you postpone this fight till later?
17:58I haven't finished with her yet.
17:59You see, I'm not...
18:00I'm not...
18:00I'm not...
18:01I'm not...
18:01I'm not...
18:01I'm not...
18:01I'm not...
18:02I'm not...
18:02I'm not...
18:03You can finish it on the way.
18:05We've got to go to a pageant!
18:06I'm not dressed for going anywhere special!
18:09You can say that again.
18:12You'll be all right!
18:13You'll be all right!
18:14You'll be a civil war!
18:15How tidy do you have to be for a civil war?
18:18If I need you, where will you be?
18:22Beyond human recall, visiting the far corners of my parish.
18:26Where exactly?
18:28Zimbabwe, if I can manage it.
18:30It's no good!
18:31You can't avoid it!
18:33You're going to have to call in and cast your eye over the rehearsals for the pageant!
18:37Can't you go?
18:38You could go, it'd be a change for you.
18:40I'll come with you.
18:42And that's bravery beyond the call of duty.
18:44But it's your responsibility.
18:46You'll have to be there.
18:47The woman's impossible as a bucket.
18:50Imagine what she's going to be like as a queen!
18:54It seems such a shame it was the poor old king that lost his head.
19:01And what did you do in the great civil war, Daddy?
19:05I ironed, son.
19:07I ironed for Hyacinth.
19:11And remarkably well, too.
19:13I can make use of those pianist fingers of yours in the future.
19:16I'm strengthening these fingers for a noble purpose.
19:21One day they're going to be wrapped round the throat of a certain party.
19:25I know she's a great fan of yours.
19:28You know I love you, Violet!
19:31Get lost!
19:32You know I'd do anything to stop you divorcing me and going off with half our property.
19:38Have you seen my sister, Violet?
19:40They've just gone through.
19:42Rapidly.
19:43Poor Bruce.
19:45With all his business interests, he never has a moment.
19:48He's always on the move.
19:49You were certainly on the move when they passed through here.
19:53I think he must have heard you coming, Harrison.
19:56Doesn't Emmett iron beautifully?
19:58Of course he does.
20:00He has such musical fingers.
20:05Now, wait a minute.
20:10I'm sure I heard a car.
20:12I did.
20:13I heard a car.
20:15Now, don't forget, Richard.
20:17Grab Onslow as soon as he walks through that door.
20:20He's not usually wearing much you can grab.
20:22Exactly.
20:23So whisk him away and get him into costume.
20:25Yeah, and he's not exactly built for whisky.
20:28Oh, be firm, Richard.
20:30Remember you're the king.
20:42He's always had a weakness for brassy tarts.
20:45Slipped up with you then, didn't he?
20:48Has it been going on for a while?
20:50I'd like to know.
20:50Mr Moody and I are barely acquainted.
20:53I've seen him coming in at two o'clock in the morning
20:55from that barely acquainted.
20:57Oh, Rose.
20:58Needn't have been returning from me, you know.
21:00I'm not the only person that's available
21:02at that time in the morning.
21:08Daisy, who is that person you brought with you?
21:10It's just a friend of a friend of Rose.
21:13You said bring everybody.
21:16Oh, Slow, you haven't shaved.
21:18You're going to have to get used to the ravages of war.
21:22Go with Richard.
21:24Try your costume.
21:26I don't know why everybody takes it for granted
21:28that Onslow is a roundhead.
21:30He'll always be a cavalier to me.
21:32I hope we've got a baldrick your size.
21:38Yeah.
21:39Nothing worse than a skimpy baldrick.
21:41Oh, I do hope Daddy doesn't overextend himself
21:51in the tango.
21:53What do you say?
21:54What do you mean?
21:55Give us a couple of four-packs, love.
21:57We'll see the trials ahead.
21:59Yes, sir, certainly.
22:00Right, you've got the hang of the lighting.
22:13Well, yeah, I think so.
22:14It's not a question, Liz, it's an order.
22:17You've got the hang of the lighting.
22:19Next thing is the curtain.
22:20Oh, no, please.
22:22Oh, no, no, not the curtain as well.
22:24It's not difficult.
22:25All you have to do is pull on the rope,
22:27the end one.
22:27As well as the lighting.
22:30I suppose in my spare time,
22:31I shall be out there selling ice creams.
22:33Don't snark me, sister dear.
22:36We're all here at the beck and call
22:38of something that is larger than all of us.
22:40There's a destiny that shapes our end.
22:43And at this moment,
22:44it's getting dressed as a queen.
22:48Richard, have a look.
22:51Fine, fine.
22:53Fine?
22:55Shouldn't that be majestic?
22:57Oh, no, no, no, that's what I meant,
22:59uh, majestic.
23:02Mercifully, I've invited a second
23:04and more professional opinion.
23:06What is it, Harsin?
23:07I'm trying to get the stage arrangements finished.
23:09Oh, dear Emmett,
23:11I want your opinion on my dress as queen.
23:17Is it regal, do you think?
23:21It's suggestive.
23:22It's suggestive.
23:30Exactly.
23:31And that is what's wrong, you see, Harsin.
23:34She was French, you know.
23:37The Queen of England French?
23:38Her name was Henrietta Maria.
23:40She married Charles on the 1st of May, 1625,
23:43in Paris by proxy,
23:44and then subsequently at Canterbury on the 13th of June.
23:46Oh, yes, of course.
23:49I must have got it mixed up with Charles II.
23:52Possibly.
23:53Oh, it's all very confusing, isn't it?
23:56Because he married another Henrietta,
24:00Catherine Henrietta of Braganza,
24:0221st of May, 1662.
24:04That's right, and she was the English one.
24:07No, she was the daughter of the King of Portugal.
24:09They got married at Portsmouth.
24:11Oh.
24:11At 3 p.m. on a Wednesday.
24:15And, er, it was raining.
24:17Oh, don't be silly, Rachel.
24:20Oh, a musician and a historian, Emmett.
24:24Well, actually, I have been doing a bit of research.
24:26I think it's important that these things be accurate.
24:28My feelings precisely.
24:31Right.
24:32Charles I's queen was French.
24:35I'll bear that in mind.
24:38Most historians generally agree
24:40that she was quite a provocative lady.
24:44Provocative?
24:46Apparently.
24:47So I think your costume ought to be a little more...
24:51French.
24:52Vous ne pensez pas votre majesty...
24:55Oh, you...
24:56You...
24:56Oh, cheer up.
25:02Just smile nicely, and it'll soon be over.
25:04I think I'd rather have been in the real Civil War.
25:09It doesn't sound like a Civil War tune.
25:14Get your body home, woman!
25:15Let's have less of this nonsense!
25:17And when I do get you home,
25:19you're going to cross my knee, Violet.
25:20You try it, and I'll hit you where I hit you last time.
25:23How do you do?
25:24No!
25:24Oh, I think the dialogue's a bit forceful, don't you?
25:38Any time you want him back, just say the word.
25:41I don't need your word to get my husband back.
25:43You should keep him at home.
25:45Then he wouldn't get into any trouble.
25:46He was at home, until you came along showing your legs and your... accessories!
25:52I'm going to have to do something about this dialogue.
25:55Hello, er, on stage.
25:58Erm, oh, hello, Vicka.
26:01Er, we're just getting ready for the entrance of the Queen.
26:05Er, ready!
26:05Er, Richard, who wrote the dialogue for this piece?
26:10Er, well, I think, er, Hyacinth did most of it.
26:13And it's really quite strong.
26:15Oh, good.
26:15Oh, oh, she...
26:16She will be pleased.
26:17Er, why don't you sit down?
26:19Now, er, can we have, er, the lights up, please, and the fanfare for the entrance of the Queen, please?
26:26Oh, er, yes, yes, a minute.
26:28Right, so that one to there, and that one right the way up.
26:32Fanfare, fanfare, fanfare.
26:35Yeah.
26:47Where is my husband, the king?
26:54That's it.
26:55I've seen enough.
26:56Finished.
26:56Quite unsuitable.
26:57Curtain!
26:58Curtain!
26:59Curtain!
26:59Curtain.
27:00Yes, and one.
27:02That's right.
27:03Oh!
27:05Hyacinth! Hyacinth!
27:18Oh, Richard, if I'm going to die...
27:26Oh, you're not going to die.
27:28Please make sure Onslow wears a tie at the funeral.
27:35It was just a bump on the head, Mrs Bucket.
27:40Tell God it's bouquet!
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