00:00I feel like I used to really try to be understood and, like, really feel like I needed to, like, say my piece and feel like you, da-da-da.
00:08And now I just lie.
00:10Hi, I'm Thaisa Farmiga.
00:12I'm Louisa Jacobson.
00:13I'm Danae Benton.
00:14And this is Common Courtesy with Town and Country.
00:18Do you think you have good manners?
00:20I feel like I have, like, a southern charm that maybe makes up for where I don't know the manners.
00:26I was raised to say ma'am and sir.
00:28I'm going to go ahead and say that I don't have good manners.
00:32You're rushing to catch an elevator and notice the person inside presses the door close button.
00:37What do you say to them after you manage to make it on?
00:40I wouldn't say anything.
00:41I would probably be like...
00:44Grumble, grumble.
00:45Great.
00:46You're not going to point out their new politeness.
00:48No, I wouldn't.
00:49I don't conflict.
00:50I don't think I would say anything, but I am good for, like, I'm good for, you know, a side-eye.
00:57Side-eye.
00:58Sometimes a side-eye does more than words.
00:59It has a thousand words, you know?
01:01I have 100% pressed the door close button because I don't want to socialize.
01:04That part.
01:05But it's only if I don't see them.
01:07If I hear them, then I'm like...
01:08Yeah, if I see them, I try.
01:10If I see them, I'm like, oh, please.
01:12Door open, open, open.
01:12Come on into my elevator.
01:14Open, open.
01:14Can I get you a water?
01:15You're at the theater, and the person sitting next to you has spent the entire first act of the show texting.
01:22How do you ask them to stop?
01:24First, it would start, probably, if I was noticing that it was going on a lot in the beginning, I would be doing the glare.
01:29The huff and the girl, like...
01:30Like the, like...
01:31Side-eye.
01:36You know?
01:38And usually that works.
01:42I would say, yo, bro, we're all trying to watch a movie.
01:44You can go home on your couch.
01:46Your fucking phone-off.
01:47Probably, but that's the direction I would go.
01:49And then they would say something, and then I would feel guilty.
01:51Yeah, and then there would be a fight in the theater.
01:53Hopped out.
01:55A fellow passenger asks you to switch seats on your flight so they can sit next to their significant other, but they have a middle seat.
02:03What do you do?
02:04I say, I'm sorry.
02:06I get it.
02:06I love traveling with my partner, but I prefer my seat.
02:09Have a nice flight.
02:11I feel so guilty.
02:13No, it's a middle seat.
02:14It's uncomfortable.
02:14If it's just, like, a quick little afternoon flight and I'm going to be watching my movies, I might let them have it.
02:20But if I'm trying to get comfortable, you know?
02:23Never.
02:24And honestly, a little bit of distance is good for a relationship.
02:27You should miss each other.
02:27It spices things up.
02:28Okay.
02:30I'm adamant about this one.
02:31That's fair.
02:31Never give up your seat for a middle seat.
02:33I like that.
02:33Have a little alone time.
02:35Gosh.
02:35Enough with the codependency.
02:36Grow up.
02:37Yeah.
02:38A friend hasn't responded to your text all day, but you see them posting on social media.
02:43What do you say to them?
02:45Usually, that's me.
02:47Yeah, so what do people say?
02:49What are the kind of texts you've received?
02:51Text me back, bitch.
02:53I was going to be like, that's what I would say.
02:54They're like, bitch, you having fun on Instagram?
02:56I would take, like, a screenshot of their post and then text them.
02:59Yeah, something slightly past.
03:00I'd be like, I know you're on your phone.
03:01So, if I need a response, or if it's, like, receipts, so you can't argue back.
03:09Proof.
03:10You have an egotistical family member who is making everyone uncomfortable with rude remarks
03:15at a gathering you're attending.
03:17How do you get them to stop?
03:19Pow.
03:19I think you gather with the other people and you just, like, roast the hell out of them.
03:26I mean, I would say I would make some pretty amazing passive-aggressive remarks.
03:29Yeah, you've got to crack on them.
03:31And if that doesn't work, I would pull them aside and be like, what the is wrong with you?
03:35I just feel like if we're giving egotistical, like, you're not going to have, like, a good
03:40direct conversation.
03:42You just kind of have to, like, give them a taste of their own medicine, put them into
03:45submission.
03:46Oh.
03:47I grew up with brothers.
03:48You know, you just have to, like, use dom them.
03:50You've got to, like, crack exactly a collective crack on them until they fold.
03:56I like that.
03:57You attend an exclusive industry event, but are turned away at the door because the party
04:05has reached capacity.
04:07What do you do?
04:08Oh, my gosh.
04:10I will go home and put my pajamas on and be totally okay with it.
04:16I would hang my head in a chain and leave.
04:20It depends on the party.
04:21I might try to call somebody.
04:23If I've had a few drinks, I'm calling someone, I'm getting into the party.
04:27If I'm sober and it's, like...
04:28And my feet are hurting already, then it's, like, okay.
04:31I can go home.
04:32My couch is comfortable.
04:33Yeah, to me, that's a thank you so much.
04:35I am free to go home.
04:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:38Your parents are insisting on setting you up on a blind date because they don't approve
04:42of your current significant other.
04:44How do you get out of that situation?
04:46I just say, hell no.
04:48There's no manners there.
04:49I'm like, don't put into my life.
04:51Hmm.
04:51I love you.
04:53Ma'am.
04:54Ma'am.
04:55I think I would be like, thank you so much.
04:58I know your motive is because you love me and you're concerned for me, but I'm in charge
05:03of my life.
05:03Wow, that's really articulate.
05:05Hmm.
05:06I feel like I used to really try to be understood and, like, really feel like I needed to, like,
05:11say my piece and feel like you, da-da-da.
05:14And now I just lie.
05:16I'm like, I'm busy.
05:17Oh, my God, I'm going to be in France.
05:19I honestly just can't be in there.
05:21I just can't be in there.
05:22It's just, like, a void.
05:22Yeah.
05:23I just can't lay out.
05:23Who has the time?
05:24No, early twice.
05:25Can't make it work.
05:26You're hosting a party that all of your friends have RSVP'd yes to.
05:31However, it's an hour past start time and no one has shown.
05:34Um, so how do you proceed?
05:36That's difficult, though.
05:38Um, that's happened to me.
05:39And I just drank.
05:42I get, like, severe hosting anxiety.
05:45Oh, yeah.
05:45Like, I hate feeling responsible.
05:47So part of me would be, like, secretly hoping that maybe the party's canceled.
05:52Like, if it was, like, three hours and no one was showing up, I would call my best friends
05:58and cry.
05:58Yeah.
05:59Oh, my God, that was so embarrassing.
06:01You didn't call them at all.
06:01Yeah.
06:02And I was already nervous that we were going to be a mate conversation.
06:06Yeah.
06:07You're out to dinner at a very fancy restaurant, and the person you're with keeps complaining
06:12to the server about each course.
06:14What do you do?
06:15That's so annoying.
06:17Hmm.
06:18Did it say fancy dinner or just a dinner?
06:20Very fancy restaurant.
06:21Very fancy.
06:22If it's a very fancy restaurant, there is a level of expectation.
06:27But also, I would be scared someone's going to spit in my food because you're being so annoying.
06:32You know what I mean?
06:34People are a bit vindictive.
06:35I feel like I would say it, like, after the meal.
06:38Like, on the way home, be like, yo.
06:41Seems like you hate that.
06:42That energy was a little stank.
06:44Can we talk about it?
06:45It kind of, like, harshed my mellow.
06:48But I am the person, like, if the person I'm with is nervous to say something, I'm, like,
06:52quick to be their person.
06:53To jump in.
06:54Yeah.
06:54Like, hey, there's actually something.
06:56Hey, do you actually look like.
06:57Caretaking.
06:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:59Sure.
07:00You meet a fan who is gushing over your performance in a movie you were never in.
07:04They admit meeting you is their dream.
07:06How do you break it to them that you are not who they think?
07:11If the person seems sweet, maybe I just, you know, like, play along.
07:18I just be like, uh-huh, it's crazy, right?
07:20Wow.
07:21And then leave.
07:22But if they start asking questions for you, or if it's someone who seems a bit pushy,
07:26sometimes you have people that come that are just, you know, don't have spatial boundaries,
07:29et cetera, I'd be like, bro, that's not me.
07:32I mean, I've gotten called Dakota Fanning, and I was like, that's not okay.
07:35I think that if they're not asking for a picture, I would let it rock.
07:39But if they're asking for a picture, I would be like, oh, you're mistaken.
07:42But I love them.
07:44But it would be even funnier, though, and then they post it, then they get, like, ragged on
07:48because it's not the right person.
07:50Thanks so much for watching us on Town & Country.
07:52You can catch The Gilded Age on HBO and Max.
08:05You can catch The Gilded Age on HBO and Max.
08:19Bye.
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