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EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

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Transcript
00:00Standing on my bed
00:30He's in the shower. He's showering. Yeah, it's pretty normal. What? From the threesome?
00:49I would say that a shower is probably what most people think about. Thank you.
00:54So, what exactly happened last night? Seriously? Well, I can put two or two together. Well, you don't have to, because there was only three of us. Very funny. I remember the sex part. I just don't really remember how we got to the sex part. I thought we changed our minds outside of the bar. No, no, no. But then we changed them back. That's the part that's missing. Well, nobody roofied you or anything, Cal, if that's what you're insinuating. I wasn't insinuating that I was roofied.
01:22Actually, um, you might have roofied yourself with that last round of shots you bought.
01:27I always do this. You always do this? No, Tom, I've obviously never done this. It's actually not that obvious. Come here.
01:40Don't you at least remember having some fun? Actually, yeah. Yeah? I remember a lot of fun.
01:46I haven't even stopped batting so much. It was fun, man. Fuck, that's him. What do we do?
01:51Um, just freeze, because he can only see movement.
01:57Oh, fuck, yeah. Coffee. Yeah, sorry that we, uh, we don't have, like, a hot breakfast or anything.
02:04That's cool.
02:05I think that's my shirt on the counter.
02:17I should probably get going soon anyway. I have to be at the office in 30.
02:20Work in an office.
02:22Well, eventually I want to go pro with this whole threesome thing.
02:25But in the meantime, I'm an executive assistant.
02:27Thanks for a really fun night.
02:39Yeah.
02:42And you.
02:46Thanks.
02:47Should I just cancel time?
02:48Yeah, definitely.
02:49Hmm.
02:49What?
02:57Should do this again sometime.
02:59Yeah, definitely.
03:00Come on, it was fun.
03:02You, you yourself said that you had a really good time.
03:04Did he even use condoms?
03:06Yeah, like six, according to the trash can.
03:08Great.
03:09That's great.
03:11I'm really looking forward to reading your essay on this.
03:13I'm glad you finally got that empirical evidence you've been looking for that everybody on the planet is as depraved as you are.
03:19Wait, mom will be thrilled.
03:20We're not telling my mother.
03:22Relax, she's not talking to me.
03:24And she even friended me on Facebook.
03:26Well, you broke her heart.
03:28She thought you were the one.
03:32I feel good about this.
03:39Do you not feel good about this?
03:41Oh, no.
03:43You're not going to break up with me again, are we dating?
03:46Yeah.
03:46Is that what this is?
03:49I think so.
03:50I should get going, too.
03:51And here are my clothes.
03:53Really?
03:54Yeah, Tom.
03:56I should get back to the apartment that I live in.
03:59Alone.
04:01Well, with the cat.
04:03I do have custody of the cat this week.
04:06Mm-hmm.
04:07I just don't want things to be weird between us or anything.
04:11Oh, things are definitely weird.
04:14Maybe not any weirder than normal.
04:16Well, what am I supposed to do?
04:23I think you're supposed to take a shower.
04:25I've heard that.
04:28You should probably wash the sheets.
04:30I don't know.
04:30I don't know.
04:47Hey, Gabby, it's me.
04:55I hope you're settling in okay.
04:58My house is doing well.
05:00I'm just calling because I did something kind of fucking insane last night
05:03and I'm probably going to cut my dick off.
05:06No fucking laugh.
05:08Hillary?
05:10Carolyn?
05:12I came as soon as I heard.
05:14Oh my God, are you okay?
05:16I'm fine.
05:16As soon as you heard what?
05:18How about you and Tom?
05:19The devastation, the lies.
05:22Mom put it in her newsletter.
05:23She did.
05:24I'm so fucked up that you were the one that had to move.
05:27I was so looking forward to staying in that place.
05:29He is the one that should have had to move, obviously.
05:31Why would Tom have to move?
05:33We're talking about Tom here.
05:34How can we make a few extrapolations?
05:37Mom said everyone who's SA in France magazine.
05:39The Paris Review.
05:40They are livid.
05:41Actually, we are dating again.
05:43Mom must have left that part out.
05:44Are we even friends on Facebook?
05:47Calvin, I am your sister.
05:48We're your family on Facebook.
05:49I've just been on a social media clinic for the last few months.
05:51Seriously?
05:52Yeah, it's a real thing.
05:53I moved to Portland, by the way.
05:54I don't mind hipsters, obviously, but you at least wash your hair.
06:06I mean, what's left of it?
06:07What did you do?
06:08What did you do?
06:09Everyone there is covered in dirt and organic coffee crowns, and they're liars.
06:13They just lie to you like it's nothing.
06:16You brought a lot of suitcases.
06:18I'm still in love with him.
06:20What is wrong with me?
06:21I don't know.
06:22You kicked me out.
06:23Isn't that crazy?
06:25You think we can get all this in one trip?
06:38You can't tell Mom I'm here or that I was in Portland.
06:41She still thinks I'm doing Teach for America.
06:42I thought you were doing the Peace Corps.
06:44I was going to.
06:45I was thinking about it.
06:46Hillary, what are you doing here?
06:50I'm visiting you.
06:52You could have called.
06:53Since when did I talk on the phone?
06:55You know what?
06:56That is exactly why I am here.
06:59I don't know you anymore, Calvin.
07:01You used to be my little gay buddy.
07:02Please don't start calling me that shit.
07:03You used to like it.
07:04I was five.
07:05I didn't know what it meant.
07:06Calvin, I want to be here for you in your time of need.
07:09I want to get to know the big gay man you've become.
07:11Well, for starters, nobody calls me Calvin ever.
07:13You think he knows somebody, and then they change.
07:18Just like that.
07:20Are we still talking about me?
07:21It was awful, Calvin.
07:24It was bad.
07:26It was really bad.
07:31I'm here.
07:32Should I call him?
07:33No.
07:34I should call him.
07:35Mm-mm.
07:36Do you have anything to drink?
07:39I'm trying to keep that shit out of the house.
07:40I'm sorry.
07:41Why?
07:41Because I'm an alcoholic.
07:42So?
07:44Yeah.
07:44I'm going to have some ginger ale.
07:47Perfect.
07:48I've got whiskey.
07:51No.
07:52You get to go insane.
07:55I give up.
08:00Shit.
08:01I need the key.
08:07Another one.
08:08Please.
08:10Now, you show him.
08:11Nice brunch.
08:12I ordered eggs, okay?
08:14You all right, mate?
08:16I slept in my car outside my girlfriend's house.
08:19Why?
08:21Because I was drunk, and I'm responsible, and she's a bitch.
08:25And then my phone died, and I overslept, and now she's gone, and I didn't even get to say goodbye to her.
08:31Where'd you go?
08:31She's doing the non-equity tour of cats.
08:32She's doing the non-equity tour of cats.
08:34It's a really great opportunity.
08:38It's not me, buddy.
08:40You're a nice man, Tom.
08:41I try.
08:45Maybe pour me another one.
08:46Oh, sit down there, Cal.
08:48She's just, she's the worst person.
08:51She's, she's nasty, cold, so cold.
08:55She's, she's just the worst.
08:56Hey, eat up.
08:58I brought you extra bread.
09:02I'm Ian.
09:03I'm Jared.
09:04I'm training.
09:05He's training.
09:06You're doing great.
09:08Oh, thank you.
09:09So, did you guys get in a fight or something?
09:11No, we didn't.
09:12She did.
09:13She got in a fight with me.
09:15I know exactly how eggs feel.
09:18Sorry, eggs.
09:20Well, you guys will get through it.
09:22That's exactly what I'm afraid of.
09:24What if she comes back?
09:25What if this is it?
09:25What if this is how things are for the rest of my life?
09:29Try being gay.
09:32I'm thinking about it.
09:38No fucking way.
09:40Excuse me.
09:42Kathy?
09:44What the hell are you doing here?
09:46Who's Gabby?
09:47Sorry.
09:48I'm a little drunk.
09:50Did you just mistake me for another Asian?
09:53Yes, but not just because you're Asian.
09:56Right.
09:57And this other Asian girl, is she your Asian girlfriend?
10:00Technically, no.
10:01But she used to be.
10:03You like Asians.
10:04You live in Silver Lake.
10:06I get it.
10:06You're unique.
10:08Shouldn't you be wearing vintage glasses?
10:09I'm sorry.
10:10I should be.
10:11I'm going to get back to my eggs.
10:13Why don't you walk me to my car?
10:15Really?
10:23What are you doing?
10:26Fetishizing you.
10:27But what's your name?
10:29Lucy Liu.
10:31Lisa Ling.
10:33Sandra Oh.
10:34Oh, God.
10:47Where's your friend?
10:49Uh, Ian?
10:50He's probably crawled up outside his girlfriend's apartment in the fetal position.
10:54You know what he forgot to pay?
10:55I'll give you a manager's card so you can comp it.
10:57Just don't tell anyone.
10:57You're too good to me.
11:01But seriously, you're like the best trainer that I've had here.
11:05It's your first shift.
11:06You should let me buy you a drink after work.
11:08You know, to say thank you and thank you.
11:11Should I?
11:12Mm-hmm.
11:13I'd love to, but I'm meeting my boyfriend.
11:18Too bad for me.
11:21Maybe.
11:21Well, maybe we could all go get a drink or something later this week.
11:27Yeah.
11:29I've just moved here, so I'm basically like always free.
11:35I'm going to put my number in, and that way you can call me.
11:42There you go.
11:48I'm going to go get back to my very important job.
11:51Hey.
12:04Hey.
12:05What's wrong?
12:06Just fast?
12:07It's not my fault.
12:08This is at my apartment.
12:10Don't tell me Kathy got fired already.
12:11Who hates you more than Kathy?
12:13Your mom?
12:14Who hates you less than my mom?
12:16Oh, it's your sister?
12:17Tom says hi.
12:18Hi, Tom.
12:19Anyway, we should probably talk about that thing that happened.
12:24I just don't want to make a big fucking deal about it.
12:27Why do we have to make such a big fucking deal about it?
12:28Because it is a big fucking deal, Tom.
12:30Because things are changing inexorably, okay?
12:33Inexorably.
12:34Wait.
12:38Okay.
12:39Calvin, what if I jump?
12:42If I just, like, jump?
12:43I mean, what the fuck would you do?
12:45I got to go.
12:46Ow.
12:59Wow.
13:00Yeah.
13:04Do you mind if I smoke?
13:06You got a prescription for that?
13:20Of course.
13:22That's a relief.
13:25Let me guess.
13:26Stress.
13:29What are you, a cop?
13:32No, I'm a doctor.
13:34Remember, I told you I was a doctor.
13:38You said that was hot on the...
13:41Right.
13:49I also have a prescription.
13:50Sorry I couldn't make you yesterday.
13:57Glad I got to see you today, though.
14:00I started to think I was never going to see you again.
14:05It was not like an avoiding you thing.
14:07I've just been kind of avoiding everybody.
14:11Want to talk about it?
14:14Well, work is boring.
14:16And probably not your work.
14:18Like, you know, saving lives and...
14:21Well, I'm a pediatrician, but sure.
14:26What do you do?
14:28I make furniture.
14:30For rich lesbians.
14:32So, kind of similar.
14:36Hmm.
14:39I should probably get back to it.
14:41I mean, I had fun.
14:57No.
14:59Don't do me any favors.
15:01You know, anonymous fun,
15:04even ridiculously good anonymous fun,
15:07it's boring.
15:07Call me if you want to get to know me.
15:19Hi, sweetie.
15:21Yeah, I was just calling to tell you
15:22I printed out the forms,
15:24and I filled them out,
15:25so whenever you want to come and get me,
15:26we can go to the clerk's office together.
15:28Yeah, Jeremy said he'd watch the kids.
15:32I did.
15:33Oh, yeah, he was so cute.
15:35He was like,
15:35what can I do to repay you
15:36for letting me stay at your house?
15:38And I was like, watch the kids.
15:39And he was like, totally.
15:40He also said he would watch them tonight
15:42if we wanted to go to a celebration dinner.
15:44And then he said he'd watch them this weekend.
15:46Just because.
15:48Love you, too.
15:48But I already watched the kids
15:54while you were at the store.
15:56Congratulations, by the way.
16:00Just calling us both spade.
16:05It's quiet.
16:06Where are the kids?
16:10They're upstairs watching TV.
16:12Jeremy, you know they're not supposed
16:14to watch TV unsupervised.
16:16It melts their brains
16:17and turns them into zombies.
16:19Oh, come on.
16:20This is America.
16:21You want them to fit in, right?
16:25Have you been smoking pot?
16:27They're just in the guest room.
16:29The kids are upstairs, crazy!
16:31The kids are all right.
16:33They're upstairs watching TV unsupervised.
16:35It sucks out their brains
16:36and turns them into zombies.
16:39I can't believe you.
16:41You know you're only supposed
16:42to smoke outside.
16:47Okay.
16:48What if we had a lemon tree
16:52and a marijuana tree?
16:57Or a guacamole tree.
16:58This is good shit.
17:05I know.
17:07It's medicinal.
17:09Yeah?
17:09Uh-huh.
17:10What's the diagnosis?
17:11A broken heart?
17:14Really?
17:15Don't be mean.
17:17It's been like a year, dude.
17:18I did not know there was any sort of a deadline.
17:23Well, there is a deadline
17:24and you're past it.
17:25Just like you're past the deadline
17:26of leaving my house a month ago.
17:29I know.
17:30I'm sorry.
17:32And then what about those deck chairs?
17:34You're supposed to make Amber and Amy.
17:37You, like, kept putting it off
17:38and then...
17:38I got stifled creatively.
17:41I told you.
17:41They were deck chairs.
17:44Plan B.
17:46Lemonade stand.
17:53How much did you pay for this?
17:57We got a good deal.
17:58Bullshit.
17:59You are out of money.
18:03Your life hands you lemons.
18:06Get a fucking job.
18:19I gotta stop drinking.
18:20Why?
18:22It makes me feel things.
18:25That's what I like about it.
18:27It's like falling off a cliff.
18:30Remember when Mom used to have
18:32her boyfriend dress up
18:34as the repairman
18:35so that she could sneak him
18:36past us in the house?
18:38Jack.
18:39Jack of all trades.
18:42Plumber, woodworker,
18:45carpet cleaner.
18:46Well, often does she need
18:47to get her bathroom sink unclogged.
18:52So you and Tom are dating,
18:55but you're not living together.
18:57And this morning you have, like,
18:59a fight
18:59about the future
19:02for no reason?
19:04Yeah, I guess so.
19:06You mean, like, abstractly?
19:08Sure.
19:10You don't think about the future?
19:12Well, I don't have to.
19:13I just envision
19:15the present
19:16and the universe
19:17takes care of the future for me.
19:19This might be why
19:20you're homeless.
19:21I'm not homeless.
19:22I'm just figuring things out.
19:27Do you want to know
19:28what happened last night?
19:28Sure.
19:29Me too.
19:30You don't remember?
19:31No.
19:32Oh, no.
19:35I remember we were fighting.
19:37Then we weren't fighting.
19:38I remember we were fighting.
19:39I remember we were fighting.
19:39I remember we were fighting.
19:40I remember we were fighting.
19:41I remember we were fighting.
19:42Anyway.
19:45I'm drunk.
19:47Okay?
19:50Maybe we were just
19:51not meant to be together.
19:53I don't believe
19:54you're meant to be.
19:56No?
19:58You envision your world
19:59and then the universe
20:01makes it a reality.
20:03I just don't know
20:06what I want us to be.
20:08Who I want to be.
20:11Spend so much time
20:12being half of something,
20:13you know?
20:16I don't.
20:18Not really.
20:20I really wish I did, though.
20:26It's not that much fun
20:27in the past tense.
20:28This is good, Calvin.
20:30I'm feeling all of this.
20:34All of it.
20:36I'm glad we're
20:37hurting together again.
20:43I should go talk to Tom.
20:46He's probably done with work.
20:48Okay.
20:52Okay.
20:53Okay.
21:00Bye.
22:00Hey.
22:06Hey.
22:18I don't know how to say this.
22:20Why?
22:26I want to be with you.
22:27I want us to be together no matter what.
22:31And I don't know what that means right now, but I know that whatever it means, I want you.
22:36I want you, too.
22:41Good.
22:42I didn't know what this was going to be.
22:46I still don't.
22:47Well, maybe we can figure it out together.
22:55Partners, then.
22:59Partners.
23:00I found my roots in a hungry soul.
23:06And I've seen troubles that no one should know.
23:11And I've got scars and marks I can show to remind me.
23:16And I'm not calling this a rivalry.
23:19And I'm not out for blood, you see.
23:24I still have my own team of things that plague me.
23:32And we must pay for our own blunders.
23:37We must pay.
23:38We must pay for our own.
23:52We must pay.
23:52We must pay.
23:53We must pay for our ownporady transgressions.
23:57We must pay.
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