Queen of Queens

Meteo Archon

Seanbaby, Crispin and the other guy play Bible Adventures and a Female Japanese Wrestling Game.

Transcript

00:00This game is both shitty and uh religious.

00:28You can just make this jump on your own, but God put this there.

00:35Why not?

00:36He's like, fucking rad!

00:39God loves that shit!

00:41Oh, you're so close.

00:43Give me that baby.

00:44That's right out of doo-doo-ronomy.

00:46Okay, this is a bad thing to do.

00:48Okay, watch this spider here.

00:50Forget that spider now.

00:52Throw the baby in the water.

00:53That baby is fucked.

00:55But look, you don't lose.

00:57Your whole point is to get baby Moses from one end to the other.

01:00And I just threw him in the river.

01:02And God's like, yeah, whatever.

01:04I'll keep the hydraulics there for you.

01:06Yeah, hit that shit, rad!

01:08When killing Moses creates a time paradox that would ruin the Bible.

01:12Like, you know, because Bible 3, a.k.a. the Da Vinci Code,

01:15you have to finish Bible 2 to get to Bible 3.

01:18Great work.

01:19You can get there to the end without baby Moses.

01:20It still encourages you.

01:21Really?

01:22What's it say?

01:23It says, um...

01:24But you forgot baby Moses.

01:25But who cares?

01:26It's just the point of the game.

01:27I'll do it next level.

01:28I think baby Moses is one of the 10 best power-ups in any game ever.

01:41Yeah.

01:42Okay, seagulls hate me.

01:45Like, religion needs more for platforming.

01:46God, can you get the seagulls off me?

01:48I understand that guy's a heathen, and he's not following your word,

01:51but I know that seagull is yours.

01:57Turn the other cheek.

01:59You forgot baby Moses.

02:00That lesbian seagull...

02:01That lesbian seagull...

02:02That lesbian seagull...

02:03Brimstone and fire.

02:04You go back and get it.

02:05Your baby Moses is another castle.

02:07What was that thing they put him in and float him down the river?

02:09That'd be a basket.

02:10Ah.

02:11It's another basket.

02:12You're such a biblical scholar.

02:14And you are such an idiot.

02:19Thank you, Lord Jesus, this will be right!

02:21Oh, holy shit!

02:23You see, God's hydraulic booster took you straight to the river Euphrates.

02:30Well, well played, God.

02:32Enjoy your little victory, God.

02:34Maybe you should pick a different dance, dude.

02:37God may have won that round.

02:39Yes, but now I have your cow.

02:42Oh, this is totally different.

02:44I see your blood and...

02:45What the fuck happened there?

02:46Are you Noah now?

02:47I am Noah.

02:48See, I'm holding a cow.

02:49Watch this, I can pick up two animals at once.

02:52I'm holding a bull and a cow.

02:54Behave up there, you two.

02:58Hey, there's a pony.

02:59Why don't you get on my little stack of animals?

03:01Don't quit dancing, you little fucker!

03:03This story is a good story,

03:05because, uh...

03:06See, this guy, he made a boat,

03:07and he put two of every animal on the boat.

03:09Except for dinosaurs.

03:10Except for dinosaurs.

03:11Yeah, like, what is the hole there?

03:14I hate all these, like, scholars

03:16who, like, try to find holes in religious logic.

03:19All these scientists.

03:20Look, look, look, I'm carrying a pony.

03:22A beautiful, majestic pony.

03:24I wish God put hydraulics for Moses.

03:26What is that?

03:27Is that another cow?

03:28That is a bale of hay.

03:29Is that the Ark of the Covenant?

03:30It's gotta be a bale of hay.

03:31Can you pick that up?

03:32Okay, I'm ready.

03:33Close your eyes, I'm gonna open it.

03:35It's a bale of hay!

03:37Oh, okay.

03:38I thought it was good.

03:39Now I'm carrying a bale of hay on a bull.

03:41And a pony!

03:43That is a fucking miracle!

03:44Moses!

03:45That's actually Noah, not Moses.

03:47I mean, Noah!

03:51Noah, immune to pig.

03:53Can anything in this fucking world kill you?

03:55It's just that Noah needs pig badly.

03:58You gotta go up!

03:59Take him up!

04:00No, no, I'm taking it back.

04:01Who's Noah's wife?

04:02I think I started in my boat.

04:03What's the name of Noah's wife?

04:04Uh, Nala?

04:05Really?

04:06No, that was Chewbacca's wife.

04:10Look, I can climb while holding two ponies in a melee.

04:13Jesus Christ.

04:14He is emergent gameplay.

04:16He is ripped.

04:18Oh, God, what do I do?

04:20Oh, sweet!

04:21What do I do?

04:22God, send me a sign!

04:25Where do I-

04:26There you go!

04:27Thank you, Lord!

04:28Oh, you can't put that shit in there.

04:30I did.

04:31Look, that pony's totally happy.

04:33What?

04:34You didn't have two ponies.

04:35Hey!

04:36Horses and monkeys?

04:37Wait!

04:38That was it?

04:39You may not have known, but those are the only six kind of animals in the whole world.

04:42That's why everything tastes like horses.

04:44See if you like that hay, monkey.

04:50Quit playing games with me!

04:52Right.

04:53Get in the fucking ark!

04:56Got one monkey now.

04:58I think it froze up.

04:59No, wait, here I am.

05:00You wish!

05:01Let me get another bible code.

05:04Okay, this is straight from Leviticus.

05:06Pressing B while pushing down causes you to drop an object.

05:10Pressing B while pushing up will rotate your stack of objects.

05:14Praise Jesus!

05:15Sir, have you found Jesus Christ?

05:16Would you like to find him on your Nintendo Entertainment System?

05:27I killed the bull!

05:28I killed the bull!

05:29He's just sleeping.

05:30Oh, you're right.

05:31Feel the fury of the Ark of the Covenant bull.

05:33Boom!

05:34Yeah, that's right.

05:35You eat that, you fat fuck!

05:36Yeah, I needed that!

05:37Bibbies!

05:38Oh!

05:39Yeah, all you did was speed them up!

05:40I don't think that the pig...

05:41I don't think that the pig...

05:42Yeah, yeah!

05:43I don't think you can eat it now!

05:44That's what I had to do!

05:45Look, I solved the mystery of the pig!

05:46I love how this came out in 1991.

05:47Ha!

05:48They're just getting in on this Nintendo thing.

05:49Best Japanese Generic Metal Wrestling Music that I've heard all week.

05:51Yeah, all you did was speed them up!

05:52Yeah, all you did was speed them up!

05:53Yeah, all you did was speed them up!

05:54I don't think that the pig...

05:55Have that one!

05:56Yeah!

05:57Yeah!

05:58I don't think that the pig...

05:59Have that one!

06:00Yeah!

06:01Yeah!

06:02Yeah!

06:03I don't think you can eat it now!

06:05That's what I had to do!

06:06Look, I solved the mystery of the pig!

06:09I love how this came out in 1991.

06:11They're just getting in on this Nintendo thing.

06:14I love wrestling music that I've heard all week.

06:17That's the dude!

06:18That's the one!

06:19She is so hot!

06:23Fucking pumpkin face!

06:26That type of melons that look better than that!

06:28Her head is eight times bigger than me!

06:35Dude!

06:36We're so spoiled in America!

06:39Our beautiful women wrestlers!

06:41Our beautiful women wrestlers!

06:42Yeah, dude!

06:43Look at that thing!

06:44Yeah, you've met like Stacy Keaton already, haven't you?

06:46Oh!

06:47And she's crazy hot!

06:48These are gorillas!

06:49That one looks like a woman!

06:50That one's... that one's hot!

06:51Uh...

06:52That one...

06:54I'd hit it!

06:55I'd hit it!

06:56But I wouldn't tell you about it!

06:57What is that, sports bra?

06:59I can't jerk off with this!

07:01I can't!

07:02Oh yeah!

07:04Oh yeah!

07:05Whoa!

07:06Look at that!

07:07See that is...

07:08You can't do that!

07:09That was a sunset flip!

07:10I totally... I use that move all the time!

07:11No you don't!

07:12I love the sunset flip!

07:13I'm wrestling with you!

07:16Look at that girl on the right!

07:19That is so not a girl!

07:20That is totally a girl!

07:21Alright, here we go!

07:22Oh...

07:23They've actually tested each woman and made sure she had a vagina!

07:26Where they allowed them...

07:27What...

07:28What madman checked that thing on the right for a vagina?

07:31Seriously!

07:32A zookeeper!

07:33Are these beasts going to track us down and beat the shit out of us?

07:36For doing this?

07:37I'm kind of scap-gunning!

07:38She...

07:39She's kind of hot!

07:40Yeah, yeah, yeah!

07:41Alright!

07:42That's the one though!

07:43I would bone her just to prove to myself I could!

07:46Okay, her name...

07:47Her name is...

07:48Asia Kong!

07:49Like...

07:51Seriously!

07:52So is that who we're playing as?

07:54No, you can play as her!

07:55I'm going to play as the girl I like!

07:56Aka Kona!

07:58Hiakun yonchugo paans!

08:02Shimodami!

08:07You wouldn't kick her out of bed, Crispin!

08:09Hell no!

08:10I would just kick that!

08:15I don't care the circumstances!

08:17That thing is getting kicked!

08:18Oh!

08:19That is a woman!

08:20You have no...

08:21You have no choice with that thing!

08:22That is a woman!

08:23I'll fucking play it!

08:24Whatever it is, it sounds like this!

08:25Alright, here we go!

08:27Kick to the face!

08:28Oh!

08:29She...

08:30She...

08:31The slap seemed to have no effect on Asia Kong!

08:33Kick to the face!

08:34Oh!

08:35She...

08:36She...

08:37The slap seemed to have no effect on Asia Kong!

08:39Kick to the face!

08:40Oh!

08:41She...

08:42She...

08:43The slap seemed to have no effect on Asia Kong!

08:45Kick to the face!

08:46Well, you know, Asia Kong has been practicing for a long time!

08:49Eating children and taking hormones!

08:51She's got that great bridge hand strike!

08:54Oh, the tie-up!

08:55Here comes the suplex!

08:56Oh!

08:57And...

08:58A weird...

08:59Lay-down attack!

09:00You know, when Asia Kong was born, they...

09:03This is...

09:04They tried to kill her, but...

09:06You know, I read somewhere nothing can kill Asia Kong!

09:09Not conventional weapons!

09:12You know, I'm so happy I won this game!

09:15I'll give you a...

09:17Twenty dollars for this game right now!

09:18Oh!

09:19Fuck!

09:20Asia Kong wins!

09:22A dramatic match!

09:23Another natural vagina!

09:24And an unfortunately shaped woman!

09:26There are a lot of things unfortunate about Asia Kong!

09:31She's beyond pear-shaped!

09:33Yeah, she's like plum-shaped!

09:35There's not a fruit for that!

09:37I don't want to say it!

09:38Who would eat something that looked like that?

09:40Alright, Sean, maybe...

09:41You're up next!

09:42Dude!

09:43Okay!

09:44Alex!

09:45Maybe I'll be Asia Kong!

09:46You should be Asia Kong!

09:47Yes!

09:48And I will...

09:49And fight...

09:50Fight like a wimpy-looking feminine girl!

09:52That would be the girl you were, but let's get a new one!

09:54I don't like her!

09:55She's kinda hot!

09:56She's also...

09:57She's a girl!

09:58She's a little cross-eyed!

09:59She's a girl, though!

10:00How come FMV female wrestling games are not like a genre?

10:03Right, why hasn't...

10:04I should be able to buy this every few months!

10:06Why hasn't THQ brought this style gameplay?

10:08This should be Queen of Queens 2006!

10:10Look at that girl!

10:11Look at that woman!

10:12I'm sorry...

10:13Her outfit!

10:14What the?

10:16And wearing...

10:17The napkin!

10:18Wearing a diving belt!

10:19Whoa!

10:22All that glitters is not female!

10:26Hey!

10:27Asia Kong!

10:28Here we go!

10:29The one button does nothing!

10:31She is built like a pig!

10:32There he is!

10:34She's like,

10:35Asia Kong, thanks for inviting me to this...

10:37This ring thing!

10:38This is how most of Asia Kong's dates go with different girls!

10:41Look at this game!

10:43Look at this fucking game!

10:44Look at this fucking game!

10:45She wants to lose!

10:46So this is Asia Kong's date, it's like two hours of this...

10:50This is her fantasy!

10:52He's like,

10:53Did you see my new gloves?

10:54See my new gloves?

10:55Check it out!

10:56You're gonna cry?

10:57I got this new glove!

10:58Yeah?

10:59Yeah?

11:00Asia Kong, I'm so sorry!

11:01That's...

11:02Then...

11:03I...

11:04I can't even focus...

11:05Whoa!

11:06Nice!

11:07Yes!

11:08Oh shit!

11:09That's...

11:10That's not easy!

11:11Asia...

11:12Asia...

11:13Asia Kong is like 300 pounds.

11:14Yeah!

11:15Check my new gloves!

11:16Show her your fucking gloves!

11:17Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

11:19Can you imagine...

11:20Can you imagine Asia Kong without her like...

11:21Theotard on?

11:22Ah!

11:23I will never have an erection...

11:24Or will I?

11:26Okay.

11:27Apparently none of these buttons do any...

11:28Oh he's...

11:29Yeah!

11:30Boom!

11:31Suck it!

11:32I almost just did a spintake with me...

11:33What?

11:34Oh, so bad.

11:35Oh, nice!

11:38Asia Kong...

11:39Oh, yeah!

11:40That's about to grab!

11:41Woo!

11:42Yeah, there it is again!

11:43You like it!

11:44Here it comes!

11:45She's taking a...

11:46She's taking a dump!

11:47Yeah!

11:48I'm taking a dump on your spine!

11:50You petite little bitch!

11:52Asia Kong!

11:53Damn, Asia Kong!

11:54What'd you eat?

11:55Yeah!

11:56Yeah!

11:57Asia Kong looks like Bill Donahue from PSM!

11:58Oh shit!

11:59Oh!

12:00You win this!

12:01Yeah, you hug that ass!

12:02You love it!

12:03I bet that smells like...

12:04Just a butter and ham disaster!

12:05They don't really eat a lot of ham in Japan actually!

12:06Well this bitch does!

12:07She does!

12:08Oh!

12:09Yeah, that totally was the different button that I was pushing.

12:10Oh, there it goes!

12:11Yes!

12:12Come on!

12:13Come on!

12:14Come on!

12:15Holy shit!

12:16Woo!

12:17Get it!

12:18Yeah!

12:19Get it!

12:20Asia Kong!

12:21Asia Kong!

12:22You get fucking A!

12:23No one's looking at Asia Kong!

12:24Ever!

12:25Yeah!

12:26Yeah!

12:27Yeah!

12:28Yeah!

12:29Yeah!

12:30Yeah!

12:31Yeah!

12:32Yeah!

12:33Yeah!

12:34Yeah!

12:35Yeah!

12:36No one's ever beaten this!

12:37Yes!

12:38What does that say?

12:39Aishikon...

12:40Asia Kong!

12:41It says elbow drop!

12:42It says Asia Kong kicks all little bitch ass!

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