Seanbaby, Crispin and the other guy play Bible Adventures and a Female Japanese Wrestling Game.
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00This game is both shitty and uh religious.
00:28You can just make this jump on your own, but God put this there.
00:35Why not?
00:36He's like, fucking rad!
00:39God loves that shit!
00:41Oh, you're so close.
00:43Give me that baby.
00:44That's right out of doo-doo-ronomy.
00:46Okay, this is a bad thing to do.
00:48Okay, watch this spider here.
00:50Forget that spider now.
00:52Throw the baby in the water.
00:53That baby is fucked.
00:55But look, you don't lose.
00:57Your whole point is to get baby Moses from one end to the other.
01:00And I just threw him in the river.
01:02And God's like, yeah, whatever.
01:04I'll keep the hydraulics there for you.
01:06Yeah, hit that shit, rad!
01:08When killing Moses creates a time paradox that would ruin the Bible.
01:12Like, you know, because Bible 3, a.k.a. the Da Vinci Code,
01:15you have to finish Bible 2 to get to Bible 3.
01:18Great work.
01:19You can get there to the end without baby Moses.
01:20It still encourages you.
01:21Really?
01:22What's it say?
01:23It says, um...
01:24But you forgot baby Moses.
01:25But who cares?
01:26It's just the point of the game.
01:27I'll do it next level.
01:28I think baby Moses is one of the 10 best power-ups in any game ever.
01:41Yeah.
01:42Okay, seagulls hate me.
01:45Like, religion needs more for platforming.
01:46God, can you get the seagulls off me?
01:48I understand that guy's a heathen, and he's not following your word,
01:51but I know that seagull is yours.
01:57Turn the other cheek.
01:59You forgot baby Moses.
02:00That lesbian seagull...
02:01That lesbian seagull...
02:02That lesbian seagull...
02:03Brimstone and fire.
02:04You go back and get it.
02:05Your baby Moses is another castle.
02:07What was that thing they put him in and float him down the river?
02:09That'd be a basket.
02:10Ah.
02:11It's another basket.
02:12You're such a biblical scholar.
02:14And you are such an idiot.
02:19Thank you, Lord Jesus, this will be right!
02:21Oh, holy shit!
02:23You see, God's hydraulic booster took you straight to the river Euphrates.
02:30Well, well played, God.
02:32Enjoy your little victory, God.
02:34Maybe you should pick a different dance, dude.
02:37God may have won that round.
02:39Yes, but now I have your cow.
02:42Oh, this is totally different.
02:44I see your blood and...
02:45What the fuck happened there?
02:46Are you Noah now?
02:47I am Noah.
02:48See, I'm holding a cow.
02:49Watch this, I can pick up two animals at once.
02:52I'm holding a bull and a cow.
02:54Behave up there, you two.
02:58Hey, there's a pony.
02:59Why don't you get on my little stack of animals?
03:01Don't quit dancing, you little fucker!
03:03This story is a good story,
03:05because, uh...
03:06See, this guy, he made a boat,
03:07and he put two of every animal on the boat.
03:09Except for dinosaurs.
03:10Except for dinosaurs.
03:11Yeah, like, what is the hole there?
03:14I hate all these, like, scholars
03:16who, like, try to find holes in religious logic.
03:19All these scientists.
03:20Look, look, look, I'm carrying a pony.
03:22A beautiful, majestic pony.
03:24I wish God put hydraulics for Moses.
03:26What is that?
03:27Is that another cow?
03:28That is a bale of hay.
03:29Is that the Ark of the Covenant?
03:30It's gotta be a bale of hay.
03:31Can you pick that up?
03:32Okay, I'm ready.
03:33Close your eyes, I'm gonna open it.
03:35It's a bale of hay!
03:37Oh, okay.
03:38I thought it was good.
03:39Now I'm carrying a bale of hay on a bull.
03:41And a pony!
03:43That is a fucking miracle!
03:44Moses!
03:45That's actually Noah, not Moses.
03:47I mean, Noah!
03:51Noah, immune to pig.
03:53Can anything in this fucking world kill you?
03:55It's just that Noah needs pig badly.
03:58You gotta go up!
03:59Take him up!
04:00No, no, I'm taking it back.
04:01Who's Noah's wife?
04:02I think I started in my boat.
04:03What's the name of Noah's wife?
04:04Uh, Nala?
04:05Really?
04:06No, that was Chewbacca's wife.
04:10Look, I can climb while holding two ponies in a melee.
04:13Jesus Christ.
04:14He is emergent gameplay.
04:16He is ripped.
04:18Oh, God, what do I do?
04:20Oh, sweet!
04:21What do I do?
04:22God, send me a sign!
04:25Where do I-
04:26There you go!
04:27Thank you, Lord!
04:28Oh, you can't put that shit in there.
04:30I did.
04:31Look, that pony's totally happy.
04:33What?
04:34You didn't have two ponies.
04:35Hey!
04:36Horses and monkeys?
04:37Wait!
04:38That was it?
04:39You may not have known, but those are the only six kind of animals in the whole world.
04:42That's why everything tastes like horses.
04:44See if you like that hay, monkey.
04:50Quit playing games with me!
04:52Right.
04:53Get in the fucking ark!
04:56Got one monkey now.
04:58I think it froze up.
04:59No, wait, here I am.
05:00You wish!
05:01Let me get another bible code.
05:04Okay, this is straight from Leviticus.
05:06Pressing B while pushing down causes you to drop an object.
05:10Pressing B while pushing up will rotate your stack of objects.
05:14Praise Jesus!
05:15Sir, have you found Jesus Christ?
05:16Would you like to find him on your Nintendo Entertainment System?
05:27I killed the bull!
05:28I killed the bull!
05:29He's just sleeping.
05:30Oh, you're right.
05:31Feel the fury of the Ark of the Covenant bull.
05:33Boom!
05:34Yeah, that's right.
05:35You eat that, you fat fuck!
05:36Yeah, I needed that!
05:37Bibbies!
05:38Oh!
05:39Yeah, all you did was speed them up!
05:40I don't think that the pig...
05:41I don't think that the pig...
05:42Yeah, yeah!
05:43I don't think you can eat it now!
05:44That's what I had to do!
05:45Look, I solved the mystery of the pig!
05:46I love how this came out in 1991.
05:47Ha!
05:48They're just getting in on this Nintendo thing.
05:49Best Japanese Generic Metal Wrestling Music that I've heard all week.
05:51Yeah, all you did was speed them up!
05:52Yeah, all you did was speed them up!
05:53Yeah, all you did was speed them up!
05:54I don't think that the pig...
05:55Have that one!
05:56Yeah!
05:57Yeah!
05:58I don't think that the pig...
05:59Have that one!
06:00Yeah!
06:01Yeah!
06:02Yeah!
06:03I don't think you can eat it now!
06:05That's what I had to do!
06:06Look, I solved the mystery of the pig!
06:09I love how this came out in 1991.
06:11They're just getting in on this Nintendo thing.
06:14I love wrestling music that I've heard all week.
06:17That's the dude!
06:18That's the one!
06:19She is so hot!
06:23Fucking pumpkin face!
06:26That type of melons that look better than that!
06:28Her head is eight times bigger than me!
06:35Dude!
06:36We're so spoiled in America!
06:39Our beautiful women wrestlers!
06:41Our beautiful women wrestlers!
06:42Yeah, dude!
06:43Look at that thing!
06:44Yeah, you've met like Stacy Keaton already, haven't you?
06:46Oh!
06:47And she's crazy hot!
06:48These are gorillas!
06:49That one looks like a woman!
06:50That one's... that one's hot!
06:51Uh...
06:52That one...
06:54I'd hit it!
06:55I'd hit it!
06:56But I wouldn't tell you about it!
06:57What is that, sports bra?
06:59I can't jerk off with this!
07:01I can't!
07:02Oh yeah!
07:04Oh yeah!
07:05Whoa!
07:06Look at that!
07:07See that is...
07:08You can't do that!
07:09That was a sunset flip!
07:10I totally... I use that move all the time!
07:11No you don't!
07:12I love the sunset flip!
07:13I'm wrestling with you!
07:16Look at that girl on the right!
07:19That is so not a girl!
07:20That is totally a girl!
07:21Alright, here we go!
07:22Oh...
07:23They've actually tested each woman and made sure she had a vagina!
07:26Where they allowed them...
07:27What...
07:28What madman checked that thing on the right for a vagina?
07:31Seriously!
07:32A zookeeper!
07:33Are these beasts going to track us down and beat the shit out of us?
07:36For doing this?
07:37I'm kind of scap-gunning!
07:38She...
07:39She's kind of hot!
07:40Yeah, yeah, yeah!
07:41Alright!
07:42That's the one though!
07:43I would bone her just to prove to myself I could!
07:46Okay, her name...
07:47Her name is...
07:48Asia Kong!
07:49Like...
07:51Seriously!
07:52So is that who we're playing as?
07:54No, you can play as her!
07:55I'm going to play as the girl I like!
07:56Aka Kona!
07:58Hiakun yonchugo paans!
08:02Shimodami!
08:07You wouldn't kick her out of bed, Crispin!
08:09Hell no!
08:10I would just kick that!
08:15I don't care the circumstances!
08:17That thing is getting kicked!
08:18Oh!
08:19That is a woman!
08:20You have no...
08:21You have no choice with that thing!
08:22That is a woman!
08:23I'll fucking play it!
08:24Whatever it is, it sounds like this!
08:25Alright, here we go!
08:27Kick to the face!
08:28Oh!
08:29She...
08:30She...
08:31The slap seemed to have no effect on Asia Kong!
08:33Kick to the face!
08:34Oh!
08:35She...
08:36She...
08:37The slap seemed to have no effect on Asia Kong!
08:39Kick to the face!
08:40Oh!
08:41She...
08:42She...
08:43The slap seemed to have no effect on Asia Kong!
08:45Kick to the face!
08:46Well, you know, Asia Kong has been practicing for a long time!
08:49Eating children and taking hormones!
08:51She's got that great bridge hand strike!
08:54Oh, the tie-up!
08:55Here comes the suplex!
08:56Oh!
08:57And...
08:58A weird...
08:59Lay-down attack!
09:00You know, when Asia Kong was born, they...
09:03This is...
09:04They tried to kill her, but...
09:06You know, I read somewhere nothing can kill Asia Kong!
09:09Not conventional weapons!
09:12You know, I'm so happy I won this game!
09:15I'll give you a...
09:17Twenty dollars for this game right now!
09:18Oh!
09:19Fuck!
09:20Asia Kong wins!
09:22A dramatic match!
09:23Another natural vagina!
09:24And an unfortunately shaped woman!
09:26There are a lot of things unfortunate about Asia Kong!
09:31She's beyond pear-shaped!
09:33Yeah, she's like plum-shaped!
09:35There's not a fruit for that!
09:37I don't want to say it!
09:38Who would eat something that looked like that?
09:40Alright, Sean, maybe...
09:41You're up next!
09:42Dude!
09:43Okay!
09:44Alex!
09:45Maybe I'll be Asia Kong!
09:46You should be Asia Kong!
09:47Yes!
09:48And I will...
09:49And fight...
09:50Fight like a wimpy-looking feminine girl!
09:52That would be the girl you were, but let's get a new one!
09:54I don't like her!
09:55She's kinda hot!
09:56She's also...
09:57She's a girl!
09:58She's a little cross-eyed!
09:59She's a girl, though!
10:00How come FMV female wrestling games are not like a genre?
10:03Right, why hasn't...
10:04I should be able to buy this every few months!
10:06Why hasn't THQ brought this style gameplay?
10:08This should be Queen of Queens 2006!
10:10Look at that girl!
10:11Look at that woman!
10:12I'm sorry...
10:13Her outfit!
10:14What the?
10:16And wearing...
10:17The napkin!
10:18Wearing a diving belt!
10:19Whoa!
10:22All that glitters is not female!
10:26Hey!
10:27Asia Kong!
10:28Here we go!
10:29The one button does nothing!
10:31She is built like a pig!
10:32There he is!
10:34She's like,
10:35Asia Kong, thanks for inviting me to this...
10:37This ring thing!
10:38This is how most of Asia Kong's dates go with different girls!
10:41Look at this game!
10:43Look at this fucking game!
10:44Look at this fucking game!
10:45She wants to lose!
10:46So this is Asia Kong's date, it's like two hours of this...
10:50This is her fantasy!
10:52He's like,
10:53Did you see my new gloves?
10:54See my new gloves?
10:55Check it out!
10:56You're gonna cry?
10:57I got this new glove!
10:58Yeah?
10:59Yeah?
11:00Asia Kong, I'm so sorry!
11:01That's...
11:02Then...
11:03I...
11:04I can't even focus...
11:05Whoa!
11:06Nice!
11:07Yes!
11:08Oh shit!
11:09That's...
11:10That's not easy!
11:11Asia...
11:12Asia...
11:13Asia Kong is like 300 pounds.
11:14Yeah!
11:15Check my new gloves!
11:16Show her your fucking gloves!
11:17Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
11:19Can you imagine...
11:20Can you imagine Asia Kong without her like...
11:21Theotard on?
11:22Ah!
11:23I will never have an erection...
11:24Or will I?
11:26Okay.
11:27Apparently none of these buttons do any...
11:28Oh he's...
11:29Yeah!
11:30Boom!
11:31Suck it!
11:32I almost just did a spintake with me...
11:33What?
11:34Oh, so bad.
11:35Oh, nice!
11:38Asia Kong...
11:39Oh, yeah!
11:40That's about to grab!
11:41Woo!
11:42Yeah, there it is again!
11:43You like it!
11:44Here it comes!
11:45She's taking a...
11:46She's taking a dump!
11:47Yeah!
11:48I'm taking a dump on your spine!
11:50You petite little bitch!
11:52Asia Kong!
11:53Damn, Asia Kong!
11:54What'd you eat?
11:55Yeah!
11:56Yeah!
11:57Asia Kong looks like Bill Donahue from PSM!
11:58Oh shit!
11:59Oh!
12:00You win this!
12:01Yeah, you hug that ass!
12:02You love it!
12:03I bet that smells like...
12:04Just a butter and ham disaster!
12:05They don't really eat a lot of ham in Japan actually!
12:06Well this bitch does!
12:07She does!
12:08Oh!
12:09Yeah, that totally was the different button that I was pushing.
12:10Oh, there it goes!
12:11Yes!
12:12Come on!
12:13Come on!
12:14Come on!
12:15Holy shit!
12:16Woo!
12:17Get it!
12:18Yeah!
12:19Get it!
12:20Asia Kong!
12:21Asia Kong!
12:22You get fucking A!
12:23No one's looking at Asia Kong!
12:24Ever!
12:25Yeah!
12:26Yeah!
12:27Yeah!
12:28Yeah!
12:29Yeah!
12:30Yeah!
12:31Yeah!
12:32Yeah!
12:33Yeah!
12:34Yeah!
12:35Yeah!
12:36No one's ever beaten this!
12:37Yes!
12:38What does that say?
12:39Aishikon...
12:40Asia Kong!
12:41It says elbow drop!
12:42It says Asia Kong kicks all little bitch ass!