Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00To be continued...
00:30Inside this cage is the most ferocious animal on the planet.
00:37If it gets out, don't bother calling for help.
00:40You won't have time.
00:42So if you value your life, you'll keep the cage locked.
00:46Never remove this lock.
00:50Any questions?
00:52Nope.
01:00Hey, mister!
01:13You forgot your rock!
01:16You forgot your rock!
01:46Hmm, sleep well.
01:50Why?
01:51Are you implying that I wet the bed?
01:55Uh, you get the paper, I'm gonna make coffee.
01:58Are you implying that I don't know how to make coffee?
02:00You don't know how to make coffee.
02:02Hmm.
02:02Another boring day in the suburbs.
02:10Huh?
02:10Didn't you get the paper?
02:27Do you know how to do anything around here?
02:29Don't open that!
02:30There's a wild animal out there!
02:33It's a dog!
02:35That is no dog!
02:37It's a dog.
02:38Oh!
02:39No!
02:40Oh!
02:42Are you lost, Poochie?
02:46Maybe he belongs to one of our neighbors.
02:48He's a wild animal!
02:49He can't possibly belong to one of our neighbors.
02:52Well, then maybe we should keep him.
02:54But what if he belongs to one of our neighbors?
03:00Oh, hello!
03:02We're sorry to bother you, but did you lose a pet?
03:06Lose a pet?
03:08Oh, I don't gamble.
03:10I mean, I'll buy a lottery ticket now and then.
03:14No, no.
03:14Not a pet.
03:15A pet.
03:16We found this dog.
03:20Oh, you found my clog.
03:22Oh, thank goodness.
03:23I've been looking everywhere for it.
03:26Oh, brother.
03:27Forget the clog.
03:28What she really needs is a hearing aid.
03:31Cheering maid?
03:32What's a cheering maid?
03:35You know, a cheering maid.
03:36It's basically a cheerleader who cleans your house.
03:39Sometimes they'll get in pyramid formations.
03:41They wear cute little pleated skirts that can double as mops.
03:46I thought I saw a Tasmanian devil.
03:51Nice try, bird.
03:54I did.
03:54I did see a Tasmanian devil.
03:58Yeah!
03:59Come on, lady.
04:00Cheering maid.
04:02They wax the floors with their ponytails.
04:05They chant the names of various food products.
04:08They vacuum your floors while dating the captain of the football team.
04:12They do W-I-N-E-O-W-S.
04:15W-I-N-E-O-W-S.
04:16W-I-N-E-O-W-S.
04:19Whoa!
04:19And dry your laundry by waving them like a flag.
04:22You know, cute little girls with names like Cindy, Margie, Brittany.
04:26There's always a Brittany.
04:27With her toothy little smile and feathered up.
04:29What don't you understand?
04:31They're real energetic.
04:33They use pompoms instead of sponges.
04:35Wait!
04:36Why are we still talking about cheering maid?
04:39Is this your dog or not?
04:40Do I do the foxtrot?
04:42Why, yes, of course.
04:45Oh, do-do.
04:46Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
04:49You know what?
04:51Let's just keep the mangy beast.
04:52Because I can't take another second of this.
04:55You hear that, boy?
04:56You got a new home.
04:58Oh, he must be hungry.
05:22You stay here and keep an eye on Poochie while I go get him some dog food.
05:27Say, now that I think about it, he's going to need a dog bowl, too.
05:31And a dog collar.
05:32And a dog leash.
05:34And a dog bed.
05:36Oh, maybe a little dog sweater.
05:39All right, you filthy beast.
05:41Drop it!
05:45Mother.
05:46Easy, boy.
05:47Easy.
05:48Sorry if the filthy beast remark came off a little harsh.
05:51I meant it as a compliment.
05:52You know, like, look at that filthy beast.
05:54I like to party with that guy.
05:57Oh, come on.
06:00You don't want to hurt me.
06:01I'm a sweet guy.
06:03And that sweet isn't delicious.
06:05Just sweet isn't my personality.
06:07Everyone who knows me says I'm extremely tender.
06:10I mean, you know, tender nice.
06:12Not like my meat is tender.
06:14Although duck meat is one of your more tender meats.
06:16Oh, no.
06:17I said too much.
06:20Yeah!
06:20Animal control.
06:25There's a monster in my house.
06:26It's trying to kill me.
06:27What are you doing out here?
06:56Hey, you're supposed to be watching Poochie.
06:58Poochie is a psychotic monster!
07:01He hunted me like I was his prey!
07:03If you don't want to watch the dog, just say so.
07:06You can't go in there!
07:07It's a death sentence!
07:08We gotta sell the house!
07:09Start out new!
07:10This neighborhood's a bummer anyway!
07:12Wait.
07:14Since this is the last time I'm ever going to see you alive,
07:17there's a few things I need to tell you.
07:19Remember that time someone ate all your Halloween candy
07:22and I said it must have been aliens?
07:24It was me.
07:26And remember that time someone ordered all those pay-per-view movies
07:29and I said it was aliens?
07:31That was me too.
07:33And remember that time you were abducted by aliens
07:35and I insisted it was me?
07:37I lied.
07:38It was aliens.
07:39Poochie, I'm home!
07:53A gruesome tragedy is going to make it a lot harder to sell this house.
08:03Ah!
08:04My glamour shot!
08:06Ah!
08:07My tennis trophy!
08:09Ah!
08:09My glamour shot of my tennis trophy!
08:12No!
08:14Hey!
08:15What's going on out here?
08:16We're trying to celebrate my niece's quinceanera.
08:19It's a special day and you're ruining it.
08:21Now please, senor bunny, keep it down.
08:30What is that thing?
08:32He's my dog.
08:33Oof.
08:34If you say so.
08:35But that's one ugly dog.
08:37How did you do that?
08:38I simply asserted my place as the alpha dog.
08:41See?
08:43See?
08:43He's calm.
08:44Because now he knows I am not afraid of him.
08:47Down.
08:48Roll over.
08:48You see?
08:51You need to be the alpha dog to him.
08:53Alpha dog, huh?
08:54One disclaimer.
08:55This stuff works on dogs.
08:58And I'm still not convinced that that's a dog.
09:03What is wrong with everyone?
09:05He's obviously a dog.
09:07Good boy.
09:20Good boy.
09:20All right.
09:22Good boy.
09:23Good boy.
09:23Good boy.
09:23Good boy.
09:25Goodbye.
09:32Good boy.
09:46Oh, a dog salon.
10:08You've been such a good boy today, you deserve a little pampering.
10:12Have you seen this animal?
10:14He's very dangerous.
10:16If you see him, call the zoo immediately.
10:24How may I help you?
10:26We'll take the Puppy Pamper package, please.
10:29We're very busy.
10:30The Worstminster Dog Show is tonight.
10:32As you can see, every dog who's any dog is here getting ready.
10:37In that case, maybe I should enter my dog.
10:40Well, if you're competing, I can certainly squeeze you in at...
10:43Oh my, what is that?
10:45That's my dog.
10:48Sir, I hate to be the bearer of obvious news, but that is not a dog.
10:53What did you just say?
10:57I said, that thing is not a dog.
11:00For your information, that is a dog.
11:13He may not be the prettiest dog.
11:15He may not be the most refined dog.
11:18But my dog has something that no other dog in here has.
11:22And that is flat.
11:34And I'll prove it to you.
11:36Because my dog's gonna win the Worstminster Dog Show.
11:39And by the way, your salon is a dump.
11:46Come on, Poochie.
11:47You want to win a trophy?
11:50Oh, what a cute doggie.
11:53Let me get a good look at you.
11:55I've never seen such a cute dog.
11:58What a good boy.
12:00Well, I can't think of anything else to tell you.
12:20Have a good day.
12:29Oh, the excitement is palpable here at the Worstminster Dog Show.
12:33Pray tell, who do you think is going to win?
12:36I think that one.
12:37Oh, no, maybe that one.
12:39Oh, no, wait.
12:39I didn't see that one.
12:41Oh, you do know there can only be one winner, right?
12:44Well, I guess that's why the excitement is so palpable.
12:47I'm here for my mani-pedi.
12:52Sir, I've told you before.
12:54This is a salon for dogs.
12:56Fine.
12:57I wouldn't be caught dead in here anyway.
12:59Your salon is a dump.
13:01It's not our fault.
13:03Some rabbit came in here with a wild beast,
13:05claiming he was going to enter him in the Worstminster Dog Show.
13:09Bugs.
13:11And people say I'm the crazy one.
13:17What a joke. I have a better chance of winning a dog show than that thing.
13:24Tasmanian devil? Danger? Savage killer? I've got to warn bugs!
13:32Guitar lessons?
13:42I've got to warn bugs!
13:44I'm coming to save you, bugs!
13:47Oh! Souvenirs!
13:58Up next, bugs buddy and his dog, Poochie!
14:04I'm coming to save you, bugs!
14:10Bugs!
14:12Bugs, look!
14:14You want me to take guitar lessons?
14:20Not that! This!
14:22Poochie's not a dog! He's a Tasmanian devil!
14:25What's a Tasmanian devil?
14:27A wild beast whose insatiable hunger for violence and distraction combined with its sharp teeth and claws make him the perfect killing machine!
14:38Tilling machine! Tilling machine!
14:39Tilling machine! Tilling machine!
14:40Tilling machine! Tilling machine!
14:41Killing machine!
14:47Poochy!
14:51Poochy!
15:03Over there!
15:05Poochy!
15:11Poochy!
15:13Every man for himself! Women and children last!
15:17Aha! He's under here!
15:19What are you doing?
15:21Saving your life!
15:23My life isn't in danger, but now his is!
15:25But he's a wild animal!
15:27He's a monster!
15:29Have you ever heard the expression,
15:31Don't judge a book by its cover?
15:33No. What about it's what's inside that count?
15:35Uh-uh! Looks can be deceiving!
15:37Doesn't ring a bell! What's wrong with you?
15:39Oh! That one I've heard!
15:41The point is, he may be a Tasmanian devil,
15:43but he's also the b-
15:45B-