Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00When normal people travel, they fly. Or drive.
00:10Anything but this. It's not sanitary.
00:12It's nostalgic. Why don't you relax? You turn into a real maniac on these trips.
00:18I am relaxed. I'm more relaxed than you'll ever be.
00:21It's not a competition.
00:23It's a vacation. Do you even know where we're going?
00:30I'm following the directions. GPS is never wrong.
00:33I'm getting claustrophobic. Here we are.
00:39Ah! Casa de Calma. The fanciest, manciest resort on Earth.
00:48What is Casa de Calma? Spanish for false advertising?
00:53Eh, I think we're lost, Doc.
00:56Never buy a GPS from a vending machine.
01:00Hey, isn't that your uncle?
01:06Hey, Daffy, it's me, Uncle Black!
01:12I've never seen that man before in my life. Let's go.
01:23The Door is a dick.
01:24Hey, Daffy,
01:27I'm not a dick.
01:31Hey, Daffy.
01:33Hey, Daffy.
01:34Hey!
01:36Hey, Daffy.
01:37Hey!
01:39Hey, Daffy.
01:41Hey!
01:42Hey, Daffy.
01:43now this is more like it surfing scuba diving skydiving alligator wrestling cliff jumping
02:03there's so many risky activities that require skills i don't have i don't know where to start
02:07where's all your stuff i've got everything i need right here mary higgins clock and my spf tidy
02:15i'm not gonna live like there's no tomorrow i'm gonna lounge like there's no today
02:20ooh la la it's that famous starlet starlet johansson
02:31oh she's mine you hear me mine mine mine i'm the one who's always loved her i've seen all of her
02:38movies i'm her biggest fan what's her name again
02:40you think i should let that one slide yeah me neither
02:53if there's one thing women love it's a guy who knows how to show off
03:02and snort and chew with his mouth open that makes me a triple threat
03:08behold masculinity personified
03:14oh
03:25oh
03:28oh
03:33oh
03:35oh
03:37oh
03:39oh
03:41i should have started with the high dive everybody knows you always start with a high dive
03:59nice try rabbit but if you think you're gonna swoop in and steal
04:10the love of my life whose name escapes me at the moment then you are wrong r-o-n-g wrong
04:17ah
04:21this is heaven
04:23wait a second
04:27this is heaven
04:31i should have started with the platform first rule of charming a woman always die from the highest point possible
04:42second rule do not plummet to your death
04:53oh
05:06oh
05:08oh
05:10oh
05:11oh
05:15swan position
05:17into double gainer
05:18into reverse triple gainer
05:20jackson's pike
05:22this is the greatest dive ever done
05:25assume entry position
05:27position, and melt it!
05:32That's impressive, Doc.
05:34Not a single splash.
05:37What happened to the water?
05:39Oh, is that what this does?
05:57Want to play a round of golf?
06:01You mean the world's most boring game?
06:03No thanks, Grandpa.
06:12Want to play a round of golf?
06:14I thought you said it was boring.
06:16Boring? It's not boring.
06:18It's the sport of kings.
06:20That's tennis.
06:21It's America's pastime.
06:23That's baseball.
06:24It's the city by the bay.
06:26San Francisco.
06:27You say potato, I say...
06:29Well, I say potato, too.
06:32Does anyone say potato?
06:33I mean, really?
06:34Who says that?
06:35Name one person who says potato.
06:37You can't, because no one says it.
06:39No one on Earth says potato.
06:41So this is a mute point.
06:43It's moot.
06:45You say potato, I say potato.
06:56I say potato.
06:57Ah.
06:58Mmm.
07:04Mmm.
07:05Just hit the darn ball!
07:07Do you mind?
07:08You're ruining my concentration.
07:13Hurry up and concentrate!
07:14Why aren't you concentrating?
07:17Concentrate!
07:18Oh, forget it!
07:20Great shot.
07:21Let's go.
07:22What about your shot? From here? Are you crazy?
07:41Staffy, watch where you're going!
07:43I know what I'm doing!
07:45Sand? What's sand doing in the middle of a golf course?
07:53It's like some kind of trap!
07:56More lounging around? Is that what we need right now?
08:02What do you need? This?
08:07I'll send you a postcard from our honeymoon!
08:10He was a good man.
08:16Eh, who am I kidding? He was a man.
08:19Who am I kidding? He was a duck.
08:25What's water doing in the middle of a golf course?
08:27It's like some kind of hazard!
08:34You think you're gonna get hurt?
08:36Well, you haven't seen the last...
08:40I'll send you a postcard from our honeymoon.
08:43Yoo-hoo! Mind if I join you?
08:46I seem to have lost my partner.
08:47Ha! A castle fit for a king!
08:50Ha! Sand castles!
08:55You think you're gonna impress what's-her-name with sand castles?
08:57Ha! Kid stuff!
08:58Have you ever even talked to a girl?
09:00I've lost my partner!
09:02Ha! A castle fit for a king!
09:05Ha! Sand castles!
09:07You think you're gonna impress what's-her-name with sand castles?
09:10Ha! Kid stuff!
09:11Have you ever even talked to a girl?
09:13Ha! Kid stuff!
09:14Have you ever even talked to a girl?
09:17Why bother? Talk is cheap!
09:19Ladies love action!
09:20The bigger and dumber, the better!
09:21That's why you're taking me parasailing!
09:25Don't go too fast! Or too slow!
09:32Are you nuts?
09:35Sorry, my mistake!
09:37They should really label these buttons more clearly!
09:40I'll try another one!
09:42Ah!
09:44Ah!
09:46Ah!
09:48Ah!
09:50Ah!
09:52Ah!
09:54Wow! I'm flying!
09:56I'm like a bird!
09:58Wait, I am a bird!
09:59I'm like a plane!
10:01I'm like a plane!
10:02Hey, good-looking!
10:03What?
10:04Cook it!
10:05Cause it smells like...
10:06You're stirring up some love stew!
10:07You know what I think you should do?
10:08I'll tell you right after the phone!
10:09Turns around, I think you should give...
10:10me a great thing!
10:11A glass of ginger ale, cause I'm...
10:12getting things and going bad!
10:13I'm quite!
10:14Ugh!
10:15Agh!
10:16Yeah!
10:17Come on, whatever your name is!
10:18Point your lookin' balls at your future ex-husband!
10:19You dumb famous actress!
10:20You dumb famous actress!
10:23Oh, me a great thing!
10:24That's me a great thing!
10:25Lass of ginger ale, cause I'm...
10:26getting things and going bad!
10:27I'm quite!
10:29Agh!
10:31Agh!
10:32Agh!
10:33Yeah!
10:34Ugh!
10:36Come on, whatever your name is!
10:38Point your lookin' balls at your future ex-husband!
10:41You dumb famous actress!
10:43Okay, I'm ready to get down now!
11:14What's that? You want a pet clown? You're kind of old for clowns, aren't you, Doc?
11:19I want to get down!
11:21Sorry, Doc. You'll have to speak up.
11:24Put me on the beach!
11:26Well, all you had to do was ask.
11:31Ah!
11:32Ah!
11:42Ah, keep an eye out for any, uh, paparazzi.
11:45Oh, my God!
12:03Down in Juarez, Mexico, in a small adobe house,
12:11Rosanita Gonzalez gave birth to a handsome little mouse.
12:18The whole town came to celebrate the baby being born.
12:25But when they got back home they found that all their cheese was
12:31gone.
12:36You will only feel the breeze when it comes to steal your cheese.
12:40Queso Bandido!
12:44He'll set fire through the street with his tiny mousey feet to the mariachi beat.
12:49Queso Bandido!
12:53Do not leave your cheese unattended, cheddar, monta, red, jack, or blended.
12:57I will sneak inside of your pueblo.
12:59We leave you of all your manchego.
13:01Careful not to take a siesta.
13:03You will have no cheese for fiesta.
13:08Always chained by the pereales.
13:10But they ate too many tamales.
13:12They can't catch me if they tried.
13:14He'll outrun them every time.
13:20Queso Bandido!
13:26Ha ha!
13:35This is your idea of a fun vacation activity?
13:38Doing nothing?
13:39It's not just doing nothing.
13:41It's doing nothing with new age music playing in the background.
13:50You gonna eat your salad?
13:56Wow!
13:57Look!
13:58It's that lady I'm in love with!
14:00Maybe a beauty day is just what I need.
14:11Beauty day?
14:12You need a month just for your eyebrows.
14:15Joe?
14:16I don't want a massage from Joe!
14:30You take him.
14:31Off you go!
14:32I want Leslie.
14:34You must be Leslie.
14:39No, I'm Josephine.
14:42Joe for short.
14:43Well, then who's Leslie?
14:48I'm Leslie.
14:49Where do you hold your stress?
14:52You're like one big knot!
14:56Ow!
14:57Ow!
14:58Ow!
14:59Ow!
15:00Ow!
15:01Ow!
15:02Ow!
15:03Ow!
15:04Ow!
15:05Ow!
15:06Ow!
15:07Ow!
15:08Ow!
15:09Ow!
15:10Ow!
15:11Ow!
15:15Oh!
15:16Ow!
15:17Ow!
15:18Oh!
15:19Ow!
15:20Ow!
15:21Ow!
15:22Ow!
15:23Ow!
15:24Okay, oh you got that.
15:31The only thing better than doing nothing to new age music
15:39Is doing nothing to new age music
15:41Than a hundred and sixty degree sauna
15:44It's not hot enough
15:46My back is killing me
15:48Put more heat on
15:49What's the magic word?
15:52I'm dying
15:53Sorry
15:55The correct answer was please
15:57I also would have accepted Shazam
16:00Give me that
16:02If you want something done right
16:04You gotta do it yourself
16:05Eureka! I'm cured!
16:30Gotta hand it to those minerals
16:32I look like a kid again
16:34Check out that tail
16:38Like cotton candy
16:40Well, time's up, duck
16:42You better get out
16:43Oh, no
16:45I'm gonna smoke in these minerals
16:47Until I'm so young
16:48She's bluster face
16:49Will have no choice
16:50But to fall in love with me
16:52Suit yourself
16:55The butler's butler did it, huh?
17:18Mary Higgins Clark
17:19You've done it again
17:20I just remembered something
17:23Do I look younger?
17:30La-da-da-dee-da-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
17:38Mmm, good-looking
17:40And great with kids
17:41And I cook, too
17:43Even you wouldn't get a baby
17:49A-da-da-da-da-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-de
18:19BOOM!
18:31Meep meep!
18:49BOOM!
18:52AHHHHH!
18:54You ready?
18:55AHHHHHH!
18:58AHHHHH!
19:10AHHHHH!
19:15Oh, my God.
19:45The End
20:15The End
20:45Oh, ain't he precious?
20:49Give him here so I can hug him
20:51But I wanna hug him, I'll find him
20:53They get a baby
21:01And I get a baby
21:04And I get a baby
21:11And I get a baby