- 4/23/2025
Todd gets an IV and is more amped than normal
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00:00I said, this is my dad, he's dead, and I want to have him framed.
00:04And I go back next week, he's not there, and the shirt is framed.
00:10So Todd Glass is here.
00:12Yeah!
00:13Oh, God!
00:14Yeah!
00:15I'm going to cry.
00:16Wow, it's exciting every time.
00:19We'll be at Helium Comedy Club.
00:21It is, it is incredibly exciting.
00:23Tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday, I'm not done speaking yet.
00:25Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:27I'm a different person than I used to be.
00:29Are you?
00:30Really?
00:31Is it because of this treatment that you've had done?
00:34I'm just, I listen more, and I'm not as effortful to know.
00:38I feel crazy right now.
00:40Wow.
00:40Okay.
00:41I'm happy to be here.
00:42That's what we need.
00:42You told me in the green room that you're now a full Hasidic rabbi.
00:46It's, yeah, and he knew because of the things on the side.
00:49Yeah, and I didn't want to, I should have let you down.
00:51That's my improv skills.
00:52All right, well, let's bring everybody in on this, on what we're talking about.
00:57So Todd requested that we have a certain treatment done.
01:02Casey, did he contact you about it?
01:04Yeah, yeah.
01:05So I don't know.
01:05Maybe this is all the rage in Los Angeles these days.
01:09And here.
01:10Yeah, and here.
01:10We talked about it here on our show where I think we initially heard of it as a, like,
01:18on-site hangover treatment.
01:19Yes.
01:20Where, you know, if you, you know, put one on the night before, you weren't feeling all
01:23that great, that there's a service that will come to your office or, you know, residents
01:27or whatever, and they'll administer an IV that is filled with, like, you know, saline.
01:33Gummy bears.
01:34Gummy bears, B12, and stuff like that.
01:36We remember our calendar shoot when we had that little snafu when they showed up.
01:41The bachelor party had all of the equipment.
01:43It was, like, the leftovers of this treatment that they had done.
01:46But so many people are doing it now.
01:48And apparently it's effective.
01:50I'm out of the loop.
01:51I'm out of the loop because I'm not familiar.
01:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:53I've heard of the hangover thing, but I didn't know that this is all the rage, as you were
01:57saying.
01:58That's what I hear.
01:59There's facilities specifically for this now.
02:01Okay, well, the facility that we have here is called City Hydration, and Christy is here
02:06from City Hydration.
02:07Hi, Christy.
02:08Hi, how are you?
02:08Nice to see you.
02:09I'm wonderful.
02:10Well, what were you going to say, Todd?
02:11No, I was going to, first I was going to say something like, I bet that she could probably
02:15explain it better than me.
02:16So then I was like, well, probably you were right to go her way.
02:19But now that I have your attention, real quick, I have friends that have done it over the
02:25years, and even 15 years ago I would hear about it, but it was just to me someone did
02:30it on the set or that had money.
02:32I always thought.
02:33It was for the wealthy.
02:35It was only for the wealthy.
02:36Only for the wealthy.
02:37The one percenters.
02:38And so it's not a new thing.
02:40It's just new that you're able to do it.
02:42But my friend said at first you do it like maybe you're under the weather, but then you
02:45realize how good you feel.
02:46You're like, you know what?
02:47I just want to be like, feel real good for this, for my wedding or for something you're
02:51doing one day that you just want to feel great.
02:53You're going to a concert at night.
02:54So like in the day, so you're just at your best.
02:57Yeah, Todd, I saw a special on it.
02:58It was a local.
02:59It might've been, it might've been you, City Hydration Services.
03:02And they were talking about the, it's now become a ritual for a lot of people because
03:07I just normally associate it with a, like a hangover thing.
03:11Okay.
03:11But there are apparently just wellness aspects to it.
03:14So, uh, what, what, what's in your bag, Todd?
03:18What do you, cause you're going right now.
03:20Mine now, I don't want you to laugh at me.
03:22How do you set up to an IV right now?
03:23Right now he has an IV needle into his arm.
03:25And by the way, my palms are sweating.
03:27Yeah, Kathy hates needles.
03:28Looking at that IV in your arm.
03:31Yeah.
03:31Oh my God.
03:32Kathy will not be using the service.
03:33Some people, yeah, it's the same with, you know, I mean, some people it doesn't really,
03:37like for me, it was just like a, it sounds like I'm, I'm, and I, this is, you know, like
03:40I'm not doing an ad for it, but it was like a pinch, same.
03:43And then now I'm not even thinking about it.
03:44Well, you're a regular intravenous drug user.
03:47Well, I am.
03:47Nothing.
03:48In all fairness, mine does have mashed potatoes in it.
03:51Wow.
03:52Wow.
03:52Just because I felt, she said I looked low on gravy.
03:56And I said, well, then give me.
03:57Let's top that off.
03:58Give me two bags of gravy.
03:59I would say this.
04:00Funny, John.
04:01Look how my friend John is laughing.
04:02You have a friend here, I guess.
04:03So what is, is he, is he the, like, this is a double blind experiment.
04:07If he passes away, you know, you're good.
04:08I started his intravenous about 20 minutes before mine.
04:11If he drops dead, I pull mine out early.
04:13No, this has been vetted quite a lot.
04:15People are, people are using this quite often.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Yeah.
04:18I'm sorry.
04:18Your name is Christy?
04:19Christy, yes.
04:20So, so how, how has business been?
04:22Is it booming?
04:22It is booming.
04:23We've been around for about two years now and I was slow going in the beginning because
04:28it's really not well known on the East coast.
04:30Um, I first saw this business in California, um, then I moved to Colorado.
04:34They were everywhere in Colorado.
04:35And when I realized there wasn't anything like this in Philadelphia, um, I decided to
04:39move home and give it a shot with opening one up.
04:41Now are your customers primarily well-known comedians looking for free stuff?
04:44Yeah.
04:45Our customers are everything.
04:48I mean, you have the tired mom, you have the professional athletes, you have cold and
04:53flu patients.
04:54I mean, we're kind of all across the board with the clients we see.
04:57That's what I was going to ask about being a cold, like if you're sick, if you have the
05:00flu, you need your, your fluids replenished.
05:02Um, people come to you just if they're, if they're not feeling so hot, they'll, they'll
05:05come in for that.
05:06Yeah.
05:07So our cold and flu infusion has been incredibly popular here.
05:10It seems to be hitting everybody, um, and pretty hard at that.
05:13So we see people come in when symptoms are starting.
05:15We'll have people come in because their wife and their kids are sick.
05:18We'll have people come in when they've, it's just been dragging on and they can't really
05:22get over the hump of the cold.
05:24Um, we tell everyone our cold and flu infusion, it's all antioxidants.
05:27It is not a cure for the flu.
05:29It's not a cure for a cold.
05:30It's just going to help your body and boost your immunity, um, and help you get over it
05:34a lot faster.
05:35So you recover quicker.
05:37Exactly.
05:37Okay.
05:38A common question coming up text messages.
05:40How much does it cost?
05:41Yes.
05:42Um, so it really varies.
05:44I mean, most of our infusions are customized by our clients, depending on how they're feeling
05:48and what they're needing.
05:48It starts at $75 for a plain bag with nothing mixed in, and we've seen them go as expensive
05:54as 300 plus with the additives they choose.
05:57So, okay, uh, but if you book it through us, free.
05:59Yeah.
06:00Uh, is it, so the, the one with nothing in it, uh, no, not nothing in it, it's not a novelty
06:05bag, but what, what is the basic fluid?
06:09A $75 bag is just plain, plain saline, um, and a lot of people think like the vitamins
06:13and stuff are beneficial when really the hydration aspect of it is where you feel the
06:17best.
06:18So, so, Todd, you've had, obviously you had certain, you had with the heart issue.
06:22I had my deal.
06:23I play younger.
06:26Well, is that an issue?
06:27I don't want you to lose your job on Riverdale.
06:30But, but, uh, yeah, no, but the saline thing is always what they give you and it kind of,
06:34it gets you back up and running.
06:37Well, it makes you feel like you're revived.
06:38Yeah.
06:38How is this different than just drinking a lot of liquids or, uh, you know, uh, electrolytes?
06:43I mean, so that's a great, um, question.
06:46So absorption via the GI tract is variable and it's susceptible to first pass metabolism,
06:51which is really just, um, a fancy way of saying that a portion of what's taken in by mouth
06:55is, um, filtered through the gut and the liver and you're not really hitting, it's not
07:00really hitting your blood.
07:00You're going, you're going right in.
07:01Yeah, exactly.
07:02So this is 100% absorption.
07:03It bypasses your, your GI tract.
07:05It's not filtered as much.
07:06It's just going right into the blood cells.
07:07Okay.
07:08So how are you feeling?
07:09I, I, whenever I've had an IV, it's weird because you'll like start to feel it.
07:14I feel, I don't know if that's a placebo thing going on.
07:17Like in your body?
07:17Well, you start to, you start to feel.
07:19Cold.
07:20Yeah.
07:20Yeah.
07:21I'll tell you.
07:21I'll tell you.
07:21Oh, really?
07:22It's very common.
07:22You feel cold, um, pretty much instantly.
07:24Your hand or your arm, wherever it's anything, you'll start to feel a little cold.
07:27A lot of people taste the B vitamins.
07:29I don't, do you taste it?
07:30No.
07:30No, yeah.
07:31So.
07:31I taste the donut I have.
07:32Yeah.
07:33Yeah.
07:34A majority of people will taste those B vitamins.
07:36It kind of tastes like a Flintstones vitamin.
07:37It's not too terrible.
07:39Um, but it's the hydration that's really giving you that immediate difference.
07:42Huh.
07:43Um, we have a lot of people that love B12 and their infusions.
07:46B12 is a big thing.
07:47You always, you always hear B12 mentioning.
07:48And I tried B12 and I'm going to, I was not looking to think, I didn't want to make
07:54pretend it was working if it didn't.
07:55So I was during the day, I go, I don't know if I feel it at night.
07:59Absolutely.
08:00It was, but I always say it's clear headed and I did it one more time.
08:03I don't need to do it every day, but it was another thing I was going to.
08:06I was like, God, I liked the way that was the first time I went and did it again
08:09and lightheaded and not lightheaded, clear headed, you know?
08:12And to me, it feels like the B12 right now, but like three times.
08:16How often do you do it, Todd?
08:17I've only done the B12 twice.
08:18Just twice?
08:19Okay.
08:19So this to me, the closest I can get to ever feeling it was that this right now.
08:23Yeah.
08:23Even now, and it's only been in there for 20 minutes, it feels like three times that.
08:26It feels very nice.
08:27All right.
08:28So should you go to your doctor before you do something like this?
08:31So we actually have physicians.
08:31Let's keep them out of this.
08:35We have physicians on staff.
08:36Um, all of our staff are critical care nurses.
08:39So ER, ICU, lots of experience.
08:41Um, and our physicians are also part of this.
08:44Okay.
08:44All right.
08:44The reason I ask is because I remember I started taking a, a multivitamin because I thought
08:48you should take a multivitamin.
08:50And then my doctor was like, don't take a multivitamin.
08:52You shouldn't take that.
08:53You should check with me before you take any vitamins.
08:55Right, right.
08:55Because you may not need those or they may be counterproductive.
08:59Well, a lot of these facilities, at least the ones that I know of, it is either retired
09:04nurses or nurses who are out of their field that are now moving on to open up something
09:08like this.
09:08Yeah.
09:09We kind of chose a little bit of a different business model.
09:11We wanted our nurses to still be based in hospitals, skills very fresh.
09:15Um, they're great at IVs.
09:16They're quick to think.
09:17They're, they're just more prepared.
09:19I feel like when they have been in action and they're working in hospitals and then
09:23coming into work.
09:24You want actual medical personnel doing this.
09:25You don't want a guy in a van doing it.
09:26Yeah, exactly.
09:28Yeah.
09:28All right.
09:28So, and, and you, so this is something that you're, you're digging.
09:31So how, amongst other comedians and stuff, do you, do you see this a lot?
09:34Other people, entertainers using this a lot?
09:36I've heard, I've just always heard stories.
09:38Like, yeah, they got, someone didn't feel well.
09:40They got a mobile, they called it a mobile nurse.
09:43Okay.
09:43And they come because they're nurses.
09:44They're registered nurses.
09:45It's a classic Todd.
09:47You know, he, he, you know, it's the same reason why you, uh, you, uh, serve your water
09:51in a, in a, uh, glass jug in your, um, and it's the reason why you wanted a circular
09:56driveway.
09:57Uh, you just sort of project wealth when it comes to this sort of stuff, right?
10:02Well, you just want to find out, what are you talking about?
10:05He's talking about you.
10:06You wanted, you wanted to hedge his dream when you were a kid.
10:09You want, you're about presentation.
10:11You're about making sure you're at your best.
10:13Well, why not?
10:14Yes.
10:15Why not?
10:15Hey, do you have a company that come out and, uh, put some, uh, low energy in you?
10:20Yeah, I want, I want to have a little lower energy.
10:22I want to be sedate and a social outcast.
10:25Yeah.
10:25And I want to tell you guys something, and I don't mean to jump right to it, but I know
10:27how it works.
10:28You got to get funny quick.
10:29People, can I tell you something off the top?
10:32When I think, when I come in here every time, what, how can I get people to come to my
10:36show?
10:36You know, like, you know, not like in a begging way.
10:39Look, you go to, you, you go to Netflix.
10:41If you think I'm funny, if you're not familiar with me, also, by the way, tonight, I will
10:46be on Jimmy Kimmel.
10:47Now, we already recorded it, but we did it from his club in Las Vegas.
10:51Ah.
10:51And it's, with the whole band, and it's the most different stand-up set I've ever done
10:56seriously in my career on late night television.
11:00You've been calling this the event of a lifetime.
11:01I have.
11:02Yes.
11:02There you go.
11:02It's what it says.
11:03Yeah.
11:03That's the name of my tour.
11:04The event of a lifetime.
11:05And that's saying a lot.
11:06And I have the whole band with me on the show.
11:08So I've never done a late night set with the whole band.
11:11Yeah.
11:12So they're all there.
11:13John over here, he is the keyboard guy in the band.
11:16And he's currently, what, what, he blew right through his bag.
11:19Wait.
11:20Yeah.
11:21Seriously.
11:21His bag is empty.
11:22Yeah.
11:23You're right.
11:23You know, what is it about a keyboard player that has them suck up their juice quicker?
11:28Is he in your Netflix?
11:29By the way, Steve, you did, you got three tackles out of me this morning.
11:33Oh, what a thing.
11:34And it's like not the most appealing thing about yourself because you think that's who you
11:38really are.
11:38In the other room, you said something.
11:39I went, bah.
11:41I'm like, that's, I guess that's how I laugh when I don't have time to do the fake laugh.
11:45Like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
11:46You know.
11:47Is John in your Netflix special?
11:50No, John is not.
11:51John in that Netflix special.
11:52When are you going to film your Netflix special?
11:53Well, I'm getting close.
11:54I'm getting close to film the one that aired already.
11:57I love the last one, by the way.
11:58Yeah.
11:59So what I'm saying is when you come to my live show, I seriously take, I take responsibility
12:05for every, and the minute you get in there, I want it to be an experience.
12:08When you're buying your ticket, what it's like, the music you're listening to in the
12:10bar before you go into the showroom, what you hear when you leave the showroom.
12:14So I, and then the band, as people are being sad.
12:18So I, I really care about the show.
12:20So if that's any reason, because people spend money they don't have.
12:24Sometimes they spend money they don't have.
12:25They park, babysitters, everything ends up costing.
12:28And as I do comedy longer, I try to remember that.
12:31I've made mistakes in the past when you don't, you didn't give it your best.
12:35So now, put your hand down so that you drink quicker.
12:38Hey, by the way.
12:39Chris Lee just reached over to calm Todd down for a moment.
12:43Your Netflix special is, it is really, really great.
12:46Very, very meticulous.
12:48And I know all stand-up comedians were, or most successful stand-up comedians really,
12:52you know, every single beat is rehearsed and practiced and, and with the band, uh, you
12:56know, you, you take it to, to a whole new level.
12:58Now, I had also heard, uh, when you talk about the experience, the experience for the fan,
13:03for the people that are spending money to, to go to your show, that like, um, I heard
13:09that you even with the green room, you will go in and you will, you'll spend money and
13:13you'll, you'll decorate the green room just to sort of make sure that it's, you know,
13:16it gets, sometimes that stuff, and I don't know if it's my own insecurities, the, it
13:20gets exaggerated, but basically what I've done is, you know, you're in a green room,
13:24they don't, it's really bright, you know, and they don't have a lamp.
13:27Most clubs, if they figured out after years, if you're, you know, oh, okay, it's, people
13:31are going to be hanging in here, that is not conducive to hanging out.
13:34You want mood lighting.
13:35So, so I, at Target, you buy a lamp and you leave it, you leave it for the, for the club.
13:39You're like, there you go.
13:40And now hopefully the, every comedian uses it.
13:42I hear stuff like that.
13:43It's about presentation.
13:44I, I, I agree with that a thousand percent.
13:46So you're, you're, you're very, you're very proud of this.
13:48You got, I have to ask you, cause on, on your, uh, on your Twitter page, you have all these
13:52animations, all these cartoons to promote and promoting the show is, is, uh, is there the
13:57chance that we're going to see a Todd Glass animated series or?
14:00No, but it's fun.
14:01They, the, the, Josh would take the, take these, they were called mashups.
14:05They would take literally you talking about a sketch and turn it into a sketch.
14:08It was really cool way to do it.
14:10They're well done.
14:11Yeah.
14:11Cause you're just talking it, you know, like sometimes you'll talk a sketch, you'll be like, yeah, what
14:14if there's some, and they would take it to life.
14:16And, uh, they, they ended up on the, uh, on the internet.
14:19They're very funny.
14:19They're, they're, they're bitchier routines and stuff.
14:21And they're, they're, they're animated and, and it's the, the animation's top level.
14:26And did I, did I ever tell you the speaking of animation, you know, speaking of that,
14:29speaking of other things, this happens, a little turnaround, you put it all in a bowl.
14:34Next thing you know, who's to say you can't talk about the frame situation that happened
14:38before, so you know, you never know the way it turns around in conversation.
14:43That's the best segway I've ever heard.
14:44But seriously, was Dunkirk necessary?
14:49Put it in a bowl, spin it around.
14:51I brought my dad, I don't mean to, but by the way, you know, my dad did pass away.
14:54That is the truth.
14:55Yes.
14:56But I brought him to, after he passed away, I dragged him to a frame shop and I told them,
15:02this is a true story.
15:03That's why I was wanting to get in here.
15:04How important it was to me, I said, I picked, I said, this is my dad, he's dead, and I want
15:12to have him framed, and I go back next week, he's not there, and the shirt is framed.
15:17I go, what are you doing, my dad?
15:20There was a body.
15:21Yes.
15:21Yeah, no, that pisses you off.
15:23Tell me you didn't pay.
15:24Can I say, add my serious thoughts to that for whatever it's worth?
15:28Oh, that wasn't serious thoughts?
15:28Wait, wait, wait, wait, that didn't happen?
15:31That wasn't my serious thoughts.
15:31Is that I can know, I know from knowing this happened once with somebody's pictures after
15:36a wedding, not all of them, but the most empathy that it is met with, the easier it makes for
15:43you to try to go, like if it's, like, I think what happens, let's say it's a picture of your
15:48grandmother, whatever it is.
15:50What would you have wanted your grandmother to do in that situation, like, to be nice to
15:56this person, to be, like, she probably wanted to be the best scenario in the world.
16:01So if someone meets it with, knowing how important it is, like, to just go, they look
16:06genuinely crushed, to me it would make it easier to go, look, people make mistakes, even
16:12on these big things, and try to meet it with, it sucks, but it's okay.
16:17Yeah.
16:17You know, like, but it helps when it's met with empathy, and I know someone that dealt
16:21with it once with pictures, it wasn't met, it was met with just, like, matter-of-factness,
16:24like, yeah, sometimes that happens, it's like, oh, I think this person needs more than
16:28that right now.
16:29Would you freak out?
16:30Refund.
16:31I would try to, I really would hopefully try to go to the best place I could be and
16:36go, I could do this.
16:38This is, that person, I know it sounds a little cheesy, it's basically me.
16:42Like, could you say, could have that happened to you?
16:44Yeah, I could have done a stupid, stupid thing.
16:47I mean, they lost a body on you.
16:49I mean, that's, I mean, that's, I mean, does the shirt at least still smell like him, or?
16:55A little bit, a little bit.
16:56Why can't, why have we as a society not ever entertained the notion of taxidermy when it
17:01comes to loved ones?
17:02You know, I heard it's illegal.
17:04I asked somebody once, like, 10 years ago, and it's illegal.
17:07I've only seen it in foreign countries where they've done stuff like that.
17:11No.
17:11You don't look healthy, by the way.
17:13Not taxidermy, they bury it.
17:14It depends on what place you bring it to.
17:16I know a guy.
17:20Maybe if you get it, next time I come in here, could you get a taxidermist that does people?
17:24I want to start talking to him on your show, and then I want to be left here in the President
17:28and Steve's studio.
17:29If I die and you're still doing the show, I want to be, I want to sit over in the corner
17:32with a drip bag from City Hydration.
17:36Can I tell you something that I noticed?
17:38Now, do you want it to be about what we're talking about right now, or just be something
17:41completely different?
17:42Can I get serious?
17:43Whatever.
17:43Whatever you want.
17:44Let's get serious.
17:44Well, I think it's great.
17:46People that, there's a name for these people, and they're called, they want to tell you
17:52how close to where they live is to something, and it really is a thing.
17:55These people that go like, oh, I live in two minutes.
17:58I mean, I'm in Gulf Mills in two minutes, two minutes.
18:01I get to the Tony, to my bridge, eight minutes.
18:04Eight minutes I get there.
18:05John, fill it in in the background real much.
18:07Two minutes.
18:08I go, nine minutes.
18:09Nine minutes.
18:10I get down there.
18:11On 17 minutes, I'm in Cherry Hill.
18:1617 minutes, I guess, in Cherry Hill.
18:18I get two hours.
18:20Two hours.
18:21I get my car to Florida on a plane.
18:24I get on 16 minutes, I'm in Penn Sarkin.
18:30I'm in Penn Sarkin in 16 minutes, and that's door to door.
18:33So, I can get on a Jeep to get to Wildwood, New Jersey, one hour and seven minutes.
18:42There you go.
18:43It's true, though.
18:44There are people who do that.
18:45Wow, the bag's working.
18:46Yeah.
18:47I'll tell you what.
18:48Side note, it's about 20 minutes to city hydration from here.
18:51Picture that bit.
18:52Wow.
18:52Dude, listen, my dad was amazing at that.
18:56So, my dad drove a truck for a living.
18:58He would say, I'll be home in seven minutes.
19:01He was home in seven minutes.
19:03I mean, and it was never like...
19:04He would just sit outside with the truck on it.
19:06No, usually...
19:07God damn it, I made it in four minutes.
19:09Usually, people round it to the nearest five minutes, right?
19:12So, it's like, you know, oh, I'll be there in a half hour.
19:15I'll be there in 25 minutes.
19:15My dad would be like, all right, I'll be there in 16 minutes.
19:18And it was always...
19:19And they'd drive reckless back then.
19:20If your dad wanted to be right on time, he'd kill the whole family.
19:23No, it's eight minutes away.
19:26Turning hard corners.
19:28But I do want to say this.
19:29Please.
19:30I got nothing.
19:31No.
19:31Hey, how's the podcast going?
19:33The podcast is...
19:34My podcast got canceled.
19:36I asked you not to bring it up for the minute I got it before when I saw you in the hallway.
19:41The podcast is going great.
19:43I'm a fan.
19:43The podcast is going great.
19:44Thank you very much.
19:45I'll tell you, you're all right.
19:46I'll tell you.
19:47I'll tell you.
19:49I'm getting my B12 bag.
19:50That...
19:51See the bit you just...
19:52Two minutes, four minutes.
19:53Just John filling in.
19:54Imagine that, but with five band members doing that.
19:58It's overwhelming.
20:00It is overwhelming.
20:00You have a five-piece band?
20:01I have three...
20:02I'll have three instruments and sometimes two fillers, like just bongos and a tambourine,
20:07because for the bits.
20:08He has three guys, but some of the guys have two instruments, Preston.
20:11Thank you, bro.
20:12Who lives the closest to you?
20:13How many minutes away?
20:14What are you talking about?
20:15I don't know.
20:15He's doing a recall.
20:16Todd, with the band, and I mean this as a total compliment, it's obviously rehearsed,
20:22but it seems like it's improv.
20:23Do you know what?
20:23Can I tell you something?
20:24Please.
20:25I hope this is interesting to talk about on the radio, but people will know when they
20:29go see it.
20:29A lot of it isn't.
20:31Especially with John Brandt Wagner, when he's with me, if he knows how to do it, you
20:36can ad-lib more than you think.
20:38That's great.
20:40And they're off the cuff.
20:42It's whenever I call on them, they're always there for whatever bit.
20:45It is a lot of fun.
20:46And having the band on the road, I feel like it's getting to do the best sketch.
20:49Is this what you've always sort of dreamed about?
20:51Yeah, it's great.
20:52You have sort of a traveling review, or like a troupe of them.
20:55Just stand up with the band, you know?
20:57It's like you get to play, and it's fun.
20:59But anyway, I think this is.
20:59How much more expensive is this?
21:01These guys got to stay somewhere.
21:03They got to eat.
21:03You got to pay them.
21:05You use a local.
21:06What I've learned, if John is just one person.
21:09There are hostels all over the country.
21:10He'll round up other musicians.
21:12Use a local drummer.
21:13Oh.
21:14You can always teach two, three local people.
21:16And so you're just bringing one person with you.
21:18You should ask me, dude.
21:19I would have accompanied you.
21:20Do you know that Preston is, Preston, we kid you not, Preston is a sensational drummer.
21:26Well, but would you have wanted to do six shows?
21:28Not at all.
21:29Hell no.
21:29Right.
21:30No, no, no, no, no.
21:31I would have done one of them, though.
21:32Well, you know what?
21:33You still can.
21:33I got a gig on Friday night already, but, yeah, maybe we can fit that in.
21:40We'll talk.
21:41Well, listen, here's what I'd like to do.
21:42You'll do the Saturday.
21:43Oh, Freddie, I locked you in.
21:44Saturday, you'll do both shows.
21:46I won't have it any other way.
21:48I'm two minutes from there, six minutes from there, sure.
21:51How is Kimmel's?
21:52Are you doing it on the Kimmel set?
21:54You said you're at his club in Vegas.
21:55Yeah, we shot it already.
21:56And Jimmy Jimmy is from Vegas and has always wanted to have a comedy club, and we hear
22:01nothing but great things about it.
22:02Yeah, they did it really nice.
22:04You know, mostly the showroom is very important, but also what is even more important is the
22:09green room, and he did the green room on his comedy club like it's at his show.
22:14Like, his show is, there's nothing else like it.
22:16Yeah.
22:17And I've been to, like, not perform, I haven't performed on The Tonight Show with Johnny, but
22:21I went to see someone that went and was there when Jay was there and been to a lot
22:25of green rooms over the years.
22:26But Kimmel's is just this, like, own thing, and it's gigantic, and there's, like, food
22:31everywhere, and there's pool tables, and it's just a really fun, fun green room.
22:35Water served in glass pitchers.
22:37Exactly.
22:38He loves comedians.
22:40He loves you.
22:41How long have you known him?
22:43You know what?
22:44I know him, but don't know him.
22:45It's really weird.
22:46Like, you know someone, but you don't know them.
22:48You know, you don't see him that often, but you feel like...
22:50Did you find out he was a fan, or what?
22:52No, I knew, I, I, when Sarah dated him, she would tell him, you gotta have Todd on the
22:57show, but let him do bits.
22:59Yeah.
22:59Like, let him do different things, and that's sort of how I got to do it, you know, just
23:03to do different bits.
23:04And you've been friends with Sarah for a long time, Silverman, yeah.
23:07Sarah used to sleep on our sofa.
23:09It was, I used to live with a guy named Dave Rath.
23:11He's a manager, and then Sarah would come in from New York, and she would sleep on our
23:15sofa.
23:16And I always thought she was so cool.
23:17I don't know why.
23:18I mean, she was, she's been great, and she, and she was, and we know that she's part of
23:22the reason you're here on this planet today, right?
23:24Right, right.
23:25Yeah.
23:25Well, you know, really, she's probably the reason I almost died, because she was the
23:29one telling people I was okay.
23:32She was going, no, he's just high, he's fine.
23:34Jeff Ross is the reason.
23:36Oh, Jeff Ross.
23:36By the way, along the lines of the people who always say how far away they live from things,
23:40how many minutes, there are also people who say who slept on their sofa, too.
23:43Oh, I knew it.
23:44I knew it.
23:45I knew it.
23:46I knew it.
23:47Preston, about five years ago, can I tell the story?
23:51Please.
23:51I'm okay with it.
23:52It's been a while.
23:52I bumped into him in the hallway.
23:53I was going around the corner, and I bumped into him in the hallway, and that was when
23:56I said, I'm sorry.
23:57I thought I was very, like, I wasn't like a jerk.
24:00He goes, one day, he goes, I don't care if it's five years, I'm going to, you're going
24:05to say something, and then I'm going to call it back, and I'm going to put it right
24:08in your face.
24:10And that's exactly, I guess you, and I thought he forgot about it.
24:13He never forgets.
24:13I thought that he let him.
24:15He never forgets.
24:16Do you think I'm performing good today?
24:18Do you think the people listening, because I said, I'm going with my A game.
24:21What's it say at the top of those notes?
24:24Two minutes from eight minutes.
24:25Oh, no, wait.
24:25Preston and Steve.
24:26Frame dad's body.
24:28Oh, Preston and Steve.
24:29I'm sorry.
24:29A friend of mine, he told his wife, he saw how affectionate his wife was.
24:39With the dog.
24:40Okay.
24:41So he just said, maybe half kidding.
24:43He goes, why don't you treat me more like the dog?
24:45So, and now every time he poops in the house, his wife squirts him with a water pistol.
24:49Which, by the way, is a humane way.
24:54I told somebody that story, and they go, does that work?
24:57I go, well, I think I heard it was a non-physical way to maybe train your dog if it's barking
25:03or something.
25:03I think I saw it on a show, which I like anything that creates non-physical for anything, human
25:08or dog or anything.
25:09I thought to squirt the water pistol.
25:10But let's say you have a dog I thought of after I heard the water pistol thing.
25:14Right.
25:14The water pistol's not working.
25:16I mean, okay, you got to stop at one point.
25:18You can't have, like, if he's really a bad dog, you get, like, a fire hose.
25:21You're, like, just right over to the neighbor's yard.
25:23Oh, you act like you're trying to go, no, let me just squirt him a little bit.
25:26You open up that hose.
25:27The dog, right over to the neighbor's yard.
25:30You go, oh, I tried to just use the water to teach him, but he got, I think he's somewhere.
25:36I can't see him.
25:36He's on a farm.
25:37We got, we used to get rid of, like, not so many, but once in a while we'd have a dog
25:42growing up.
25:42You know when you try to fix the story as you're telling it?
25:44Oh, yeah.
25:45We get rid of so many pets.
25:46I don't want to make it look, like, out of proportion, but over the years, it probably
25:50three stories, and me and my brothers didn't honestly figure it out until we were older.
25:54I didn't even know it was a thing.
25:55We had a dog, and it would always go to a farm.
25:58Oh, yeah, yeah.
25:59Oh, but everybody, the farm is put to sleep.
26:01Yeah, the dog, yeah, they put the dog down.
26:03They didn't want to break it to the kids.
26:04No, there's a farm out there that's got a ton of dead dogs.
26:06Yeah, yeah.
26:06I think it's a, just to kill it.
26:09I think a lot of times, it's not always a parent that was doing anything wrong.
26:14They could have realized the dog was aggressive and not able to be.
26:17Or for a kid, the dog just gets sick, and it's in pain or whatever.
26:21It has to be put down.
26:22It's easier to lie to your child.
26:24Oh, right, right, right, right.
26:25Yeah.
26:25He's, you know, because when I first saw these two dogs in the park, I remember, I just realized
26:29I can't tell this joke.
26:31You did?
26:32And you're, I'll tell you what it is.
26:34Try it.
26:34But when we get to the part that is the part I can't do, you're going to go, why would
26:39you even have thought you could ever break it?
26:40Well, we egged you on, so we'll take the blame for it.
26:43Go ahead.
26:43That when I saw these, well, this is a true story.
26:47It's a true story.
26:48Why would I make it up?
26:49True story.
26:50When I was younger, I saw two dogs in the park, and they were going at it, you know, humping
26:53each other.
26:54And I asked my dad what they were doing, and he said, because he didn't know how to deal
26:58with stuff, and he just said, he goes, I remember, like, he said, they're playing a game.
27:02So I was like, I just asked him, I go, like, I took a beat, you know, like a little kid
27:05will, and I go, what's the game, you know?
27:07And he said, it's effing.
27:09It's fun.
27:10And he said it.
27:11Yeah.
27:12Did you watch the Golden Globes by any chance?
27:14No, I did not.
27:15Oh, because Ricky Gervais, he, you know, he did a little bit of a monologue, and he had
27:19gotten to a joke.
27:21Yeah, we'll get you a water.
27:23And he had gotten to a joke where.
27:25Just top off his bag.
27:27That's so weird that you need water, but you've got the saline going through your body there.
27:31Did you hear what they said from City Hydration?
27:33So cleanly and brilliant as he explained the difference between water that would make you
27:37thirsty and the hydration that would make you feel like I do right now.
27:41I feel like, can I tell you right now?
27:42Yeah.
27:43I could bend steel.
27:44And I'm not thinking just, I'm not just thinking, maybe I, thank you very much.
27:49All right, so.
27:49Thank you, Marissa.
27:50Have you ever been on stage and you thought, you thought better of a joke that you were about
27:55to tell and had to hang a 180 away from it?
27:57Yes.
27:57Yeah.
27:58Okay.
27:58You know what, sometimes, you know what it will be?
28:00I'll be doing an old joke that I didn't realize, ah, just don't, I have a different relationship
28:05with what I say that comes out of my mouth.
28:07So I'll be like, I'll think of an old joke, but then halfway through, I go, oh, that's
28:10not nice.
28:11Right.
28:11You know, and I just want to, I go, I'll just go, you know what, dah, I don't need that
28:14joke anymore.
28:15I had a series called, if you see a sign that says don't do it, it means somebody did it.
28:22Yes.
28:22Okay.
28:22It's so true.
28:23Because, you know, they don't just put, you know, if it says, you know, I don't have to
28:26repeat the bit, but I will do one example from the old pile of the part of this joke.
28:31For instance, if you see a sign that says no diving in the jacuzzi.
28:34Yeah, somebody dove into a jacuzzi, which, think about that, that's crazy, a moron.
28:39A moron.
28:40And I don't like to call people morons, because if I'm so smart, why shouldn't I be so smart
28:44to just talk about people kinder?
28:46But I don't know the word for it.
28:48And by the way, I hope this guy probably had a dad, you have children, you have people that
28:51love you.
28:52Yeah.
28:52Who are you to go, I'm going to go dive into that jacuzzi.
28:55Yeah.
28:56So maybe you're better off.
28:57Did you work at a, did you work at Dairy Queen?
29:00I did work at a Dairy Queen, not to brag.
29:04But so when you talk about signs that, you know, if there's a sign, I'm going to make full
29:08circle.
29:08So everyone's going to be proud of me.
29:09It's okay to get a loss, but you got to deliver.
29:11No.
29:11So here's the point.
29:12Yeah.
29:13Yeah.
29:13So the ice cream place, it says three sample limit.
29:16It doesn't say four.
29:17Right.
29:17It's a three sample limit.
29:18And I thought about something that tells a story that tells three sample limit.
29:23You know what that story tells me?
29:24Look, lunatics come in different forms.
29:26Yeah.
29:27So when I use the word lunatic, people might go lunatic.
29:29Yeah.
29:29That means a lunatic.
29:31Anybody that would go get three samples is a lunatic.
29:36Look, you certainly have problem with boundaries.
29:38If you're going to go, can I taste one?
29:40Can I get another?
29:41Can I get a third?
29:42Is there any stopping you?
29:44So that's what I think.
29:46That four is enough.
29:48Three sample limit.
29:48I think three is too much.
29:50I agree.
29:51Matter of fact, if I'm with people, one, I'm okay with.
29:53You have to realize that not everyone's like you.
29:55People have a right to go get a sample of ice cream, Todd, even if it's something you're
29:59insecure about.
29:59I say no sample.
30:01None.
30:01Do you ever sample deli meat?
30:03I've seen people do that.
30:04Can I have a slice of that?
30:05Oh, yeah, yeah.
30:06I've done that.
30:06Have you tried cheese?
30:07Right.
30:08So you can do that occasionally.
30:09Same thing.
30:09You don't do four or five different types of.
30:11I trust the relationship where I'm getting it.
30:13But in the right situation, definitely.
30:15In that situation, I could lie and go, no, I don't do it there either because I seem like
30:19a hypocrite.
30:20There's something different about the ice cream.
30:22But they have the little spoons.
30:24You're one of those, aren't you?
30:28What about getting the system?
30:31And so my kids are big.
30:33They love to do the free samples.
30:35I'll give them one, and that is it.
30:37And it's only because they haven't been on the planet that long.
30:40So they haven't tried.
30:41If you're a 40-year-old man and you don't know what rum raisin tastes like, like, you've,
30:46you know.
30:47Can I tell you something?
30:47Yes.
30:48And if it's at the place, at the yogurt place where you do it yourself in a little cup,
30:52all right, you're not, you're not.
30:53That's fine.
30:54Go over in the corner, have a ball.
30:56But where they have to scoop it for you.
30:59So I have a different standard for if you're doing it yourself at least because it's not
31:03making someone else do it.
31:04Sure.
31:04And for kids, of course, of course.
31:07It should, you know, whatever a kid wants to do.
31:09They're our future.
31:12You've got to tease them well, Steve, right?
31:15Exactly.
31:15I disagree wholeheartedly.
31:17I think that you can sometimes be in between flavors, or maybe there's one you've never
31:21tried before.
31:21Or I don't say, I say that not every rum raisin is the same, sir.
31:26Okay.
31:26There are a lot of places that make their own ice creams, and I would like to try that.
31:31Preston's dessert of choice is ice cream.
31:33Sometimes you look at rum raisin.
31:35It is a very clear, milky white look.
31:37Other times it's kind of brownish.
31:39Hmm.
31:39I wonder how that would taste as opposed to the other one.
31:41I'm going to, not to be a wishy-washy with my opinion, but to prove that I can change
31:45my opinion, I'm changing my stance.
31:48I'm going to say-
31:49Four samples?
31:49A lot of it's just with the demeanor, and you don't, you're a matter of fact about it.
31:53Yes.
31:54Hey, could I try the, just treat, talk to the person, you don't have to go, you know,
31:56you don't have to make-
31:57I hate to be an imposition.
31:58I'm a little wishy-washy here.
32:00I just had an IV bag.
32:03You get, and you, and you're, you're right.
32:04Not all are the same.
32:06So I guess really, uh, it's just, it's a, it's how you, it's, it's in, it's a case-by-case
32:10situation.
32:11So Casey was wrong, and what you said to, especially Preston, was disrespectful.
32:16I apologize.
32:17And I'm, as a fan of the show, and honored to be here, I'm not trying to kiss anybody's
32:22tuchus.
32:23I thought you were way out of line.
32:24I was way out of line.
32:25What are your, uh, what are your thoughts on free samples?
32:27Because you see it at the, you know, the fight.
32:29The fudge kitchen, you know, Costco, you can go around and spend an hour trying the
32:34samples.
32:35Costco, I got in trouble at Costco.
32:37That's when I realized the world, people are, people are crazy.
32:40Yeah.
32:41Uh, I was, I had a-
32:42World War II wasn't an indicator.
32:45Well, that's like, and by the way, this does make sense.
32:48Please remind me to get back to what I did at Costco.
32:50Okay, please.
32:51But it does have to do with, uh, you know, you said, uh-
32:53World War II?
32:54Nazis?
32:55Yeah, the, uh-
32:55What did you do at Costco?
32:57Okay.
32:57World War II.
33:02World War II.
33:03Oh, Hitler, Hitler.
33:04Ice cream samples.
33:05Someone told me that Hitler, this is a true story, that they told me this, whether it's
33:10true or not, it's true, I don't know.
33:11Okay.
33:11But, uh, they said Hitler ate a piece of cake every day.
33:14Isn't that crazy?
33:15I told my friend, I don't think it's the craziest thing about him.
33:18No came out of it.
33:18Irritational Zoo and Themis airs.
33:21Theabanan emailfunk.com
33:32That was a lie.
33:33I'll see you next time.
33:34We'll be back up to you next time.
33:35All right.
33:36All right.
33:37We'll be back.
33:38We'll be back.
33:39All right.
33:40We'll be back.
33:41We'll be back.
33:42We'll be back.
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