00:00here's a sentence i'm pretty sure hasn't been said before in the history of mankind you get
00:11your butt cheeks off my rutabagas you're right yeah you're right that's an odd statement it is
00:17it's ever been said before well the cops in manassas virginia got a call from a grocery
00:22store the giant grocery store it's a chain there okay and something very unusual was happening
00:28a guy was picking up different pieces of fruits and vegetables testing them out dropping his pants
00:35and rubbing them between his ass cheeks and putting them back on the shelves oh no i read the headline
00:43and i assumed in my mind i thought he just had his pants on and he was like and he just on the cheek
00:50no lisa no that's not what i did i was hoping he took his pants off and it was between
00:59his cheeks in his ass he was putting fruits and veggies in his ass he was putting them all the
01:06way in lisa's mind's full of hope it is it really is the best case scenario i'm like that too i find
01:13that i i still like to keep hope alive because i read this and i was like did he did he penetrate
01:18but it turns that story different it changes the whole thing it goes from
01:23like a funny ha-ha to oh yeah people are like two reactions like it's a ha-ha when it's just the
01:33cheek and your pants are still on but it's serious business when it's take a cucumber and do your
01:38worst and then just drop it into a pile of them which one was it you just gotta wash it you gotta
01:44throw them all away right what makes you shove fruits and veggies in your ass cheek feels great
01:50i think that he has mental problems i think it feels good it's not vengeance it's not someone at
01:56that store you mean like i'm there like doing it at the store store wrong tim oh you're not talking
02:02about just at home no no i mean that's some people do weird things in their ass that's fine whatever
02:06do what you want to do maybe have an emergency itch and nothing will cure it other than the cool
02:10smooth feeling of like an eggplant yeah see i would go to if i wanted to scratch something i'd go
02:15pineapple how pissed off could you be though what could piss you off that bad at a grocery store that
02:20you would do this you know the only thing that would maybe there's no carts in the corral when you
02:25came in no hand baskets at the door when you walk in they're out of sale flyers because i was
02:31thinking like a lot of things dave was the only person i know to ever get seriously pissed off at
02:35the produce that's true he did too he goes to the manager they mislabeled seedless oranges
02:43maybe he went to the manager maybe he shoved fruit in his ass a ton of seeds in them but they were
02:48labeled seedless oranges you put those oranges in your ass it would have went any farther he may
02:53have he may have would have continued to do that i'm a man capable of putting fruit in my head i do
02:58think you're capable of it if it's a send me right over the edge if it's vengeance in it with
03:04vegetables does it then become veggie ants yes it could be it is or you could just take it to the
03:10produce manager like you did right you've got two options god damn it where is the produce manager
03:18on a saturday morning at 6 a.m or 7 a.m i'm not paying for this but we're opening this orange right
03:23now because guess where i got this yes you see the little box over there seedless oranges
03:30huh open it peel it you son of a bitch peel it right now god damn it i'll tear this place apart
03:38i will i'll cause a real scene take a bite break it open look at the seed you stupid a-hole
03:46someone said i'm eating an apple driving to work right now trying to be healthy and you guys just
03:51ruined it now i have to stop eating it um okay just clean your apples yeah you should be watching
03:57washing your vegetables anyway no you should you absolutely should i mean if you think this guy's
04:01butt's the worst thing to touch it i don't think people wash their fruits and vegetables enough to get
04:05ass off of it you know what you're right because think about when you wash you don't
04:09no one busts out soap no there's some people i've got a crazy family member who can't wash she soaks
04:15all of her stuff in like vinegar and all this stuff to get all the oh vinegar yeah ruins i would think
04:20i know i'll just say this there's no way that just a rinse a casual rinse and water even rubbing it
04:27is getting ass off smell ass though your apple smells like ass i don't think you don't eat it
04:32no i don't think you do what a weird thing somebody's eating an apple and they're like
04:35what will you smell this app does that apple smell like ass do you you know what i'm gonna put this
04:42to the test i'm gonna put this to the test tomorrow no something in this room is gonna go to my ass
04:48no chuck don't you guys will have to discover which item it is how about i bring in a bag of
04:54apples no and i'll let you pick one and you put it in your ass okay set it on the table with the
04:59other apples and then everybody has to guess which one was in your ass yeah i love it i love
05:03the idea they call it satan's roulette yeah yeah i'm not playing that game and you gotta take a bite
05:08yeah i don't take a bite of the one you think it's not someone said what in the world what is
05:13the world coming to when we need loss prevention and ass prevention teams in stores it's something
05:18you never really think of i wonder if they just randomly grabbed like a bunch of fruit and just did
05:25that little swab test to see how many things have butt on it you don't want to go down that road
05:32you probably don't well and not just that the people that are touching it before you yeah that's
05:37what they have poop on their fingers yeah that's what he's saying like yeah there's always just
05:41ladies it's always but i never think to wash fruit with anything that would like really take care of
05:48ass no most people don't because then you're gonna put it in your mouth yeah right you still
05:53gotta live a life you do you can't so if ass gets you it gets you it's just uh breaks exactly i mean
06:01we're all staring down the barrel ass at any second in our life and you just gotta like you can let it
06:06consume you you can let the ass consume you or you can just live yeah i don't let them win right
06:12you can't let them win you can't let the ass bandits win you really can't
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