Skip to player
Skip to main content
Skip to footer
Search
Connect
Watch fullscreen
Like
Comments
Bookmark
Share
Add to Playlist
Report
We Made Up That Whole Idea About Home Ownership Achieving The American Dream
Cracked
Follow
3/7/2025
Why You'll Never Buy A House #shorts #comedy #home #house #parody #reality #realestate #youtubeshorts
Category
😹
Fun
Transcript
Display full video transcript
00:00
Home ownership is inextricably tied to achieving the American Dream.
00:05
And also, just something we made up one day.
00:10
That's a fridge. That's for meats.
00:13
About a hundred years ago, the government developed a plan to build millions and millions of cheap places
00:19
anybody could afford.
00:21
Some would be simple and small, sure.
00:24
But others would be big and nice enough that any family of any wealth bracket
00:29
would enjoy living there.
00:31
Even better, they wouldn't be expected to allocate over a third of their income
00:37
on the privilege of not sleeping in the street like a dog.
00:41
Okay, there's nothing wrong with sleeping like a dog.
00:44
Okay.
00:46
But then a lot of lobbyists and realtors and bankers shut the idea down.
00:54
Because they knew they could make way more money by exclusively building houses
01:00
nobody could actually afford.
01:02
See, today, the median house in America costs $350,000.
01:11
That's more than Jordan makes being a dog in a year.
01:13
And that's like seven years in dog years.
01:16
Don't worry, you won't pay that.
01:19
They'll pay twice that much.
01:22
And the extra money doesn't even go to the seller.
01:24
It goes to the bank.
01:25
Of course, that's assuming you have 20% of the total price in cash
01:31
just lying around before you move in.
01:35
Because if you don't, they'll charge you even more interest year after year
01:40
till you grow so old, you can't even use all those stairs you bought.
01:46
What can I say?
01:47
It's expensive being poor.
01:50
Why are all the prices so high?
01:52
Shouldn't supply and demand make sweet love and hidden equilibrium
01:55
that makes sense for everyone?
01:58
Well, that's a weird way to put it.
02:00
But here's the funny thing about that.
02:02
The number of people who want houses keeps rising
02:06
because people keep being born.
02:09
But at some point during the last few decades,
02:11
we just stopped building new houses.
02:14
We didn't run out of land, though that'll happen eventually.
02:17
Nope.
02:18
We actually passed special laws banning
02:21
the building of small, affordable houses
02:23
or sticking multiple families in the same building.
02:27
That's because to the people who make the laws and already have houses,
02:32
other homes are just things they have to drive past and look at.
02:35
And nobody wants their scenic route into work
02:39
tainted by anything so gauche as whatever a middle class family could
02:44
afford.
Recommended
12:34
|
Up next
An Inspiring Story of A Couple's Courage to Invest in Their Dream Home | Unique Home | OG
OG
5/31/2024
1:28:53
From Mop to Millions- The CEOs Secret Wife Built His Empire Behind a Broom
Binge Box
5/28/2025
14:14
This Immaculate Home Will Show You What Makes a House Look Expensive | Unique Homes | OG
OG
5/31/2024
7:01
Foghorn Leghorn - Hen House Henery - Serbian translation
Cartoon movie
5/12/2025
6:34
Bugs Bunny - Wet Hare - Serbian translation
Cartoon movie
4/27/2025
6:25
Daffy Duck – Corn on the Cop - Serbian translation
Cartoon movie
4/21/2025
0:43
Don't even get me started on the Bosnians - @GeoffreyAsmus
Cracked
3 days ago
2:30
Before You Go And Schedule Your Next Poop Cruise
Cracked
4 days ago
2:38
The Beef Between 28 Days Later & Shaun Of The Dead
Cracked
5 days ago
1:59
To Those Who Paved The Way, We Appreciate Your Sacrifice
Cracked
6/20/2025
1:07
The human body is amazing - Rob Cantrell
Cracked
6/20/2025
0:41
Wanted to watch a video, couldn't watch a video - Rob Cantrell
Cracked
6/17/2025
0:32
You've never heard prices like this - Andy Haynes
Cracked
6/15/2025
1:44
South Park Loves Inserting Real Fans Into Episodes
Cracked
6/13/2025
2:31
Since Trump Is Having A Military Parade On His Birthday
Cracked
6/13/2025
0:54
Now I know why my dad left - Aminah Imani
Cracked
6/9/2025
1:05
Can you refer a friend? - Tommy McNamara
Cracked
6/7/2025
1:49
Russia Wants To Ban Shrek
Cracked
6/6/2025
2:44
If Airlines Were Honest
Cracked
6/6/2025
0:28
Just like riding a bike - Meredith Dietz
Cracked
6/4/2025
1:20
How Simpsons & Futurama Writers Come Up With Your Favorite Sign Jokes
Cracked
6/4/2025
5:26
If Ozempic Commercials Were Honest | [Ozempic, GLP-1, Monjauro Parody]
Cracked
6/2/2025
0:52
Since CBS News Is Looking For Scott Pelley's Replacement On 60 Minutes
Cracked
5/30/2025
0:49
I'm about to get pregnant - Damon Sumner
Cracked
5/29/2025
1:56
How The Rick & Morty Cast Reacted To Justin Roiland's Firing
Cracked
5/29/2025