00:00She can't be serious, right?
00:01Like, I feel like nobody's ever serious when they're like,
00:04I'm a Sagittarius, I have to be adventurous.
00:07Hey, I'm Shola Maridueña.
00:08This is If It Were Me.
00:12Today, I'm going through real-life confessions from Cosmo readers
00:16and telling you how I would handle it.
00:18How would you say you handle awkward situations
00:20when it comes to relationships?
00:22Oh my god, what?
00:23What kind of first question is this?
00:26Did my ex send this to you?
00:28All right, first prompt.
00:31Pause the PDA is the subject line.
00:33My girlfriend loves to pack on the PDA,
00:36but I despise swapping spit in public.
00:38How do we come to a happy medium?
00:41Hmm, this is where the elevators are good.
00:44You know, like you can still be in public, but in private,
00:48you know, nobody wants to be around that weird couple
00:50that's just making out on the side of the road.
00:53You can tell your girlfriend that you don't want to be that folk,
00:55but you know, hey, maybe if you're walking someone up to the car
00:59and then you're like, all right, there you go.
01:00You just sat down, a little smoosh there,
01:02but public PDA is disgusting.
01:06The pricey soaker.
01:08My girlfriend likes to take baths in my apartment
01:10because the, quote, tub has better energy here.
01:13She's up to four baths a day
01:15and my water bill is through the roof.
01:17How do I ask her to chip in?
01:19You got to jump in there, bro.
01:21If the tub is nice enough, you got to save water.
01:24Four baths a day is crazy, though.
01:27That's far too much.
01:29If it was four showers a day, even, I would be like,
01:32let's slow our roll here.
01:33Don't worry about her pitching in.
01:36Run the first bath, right?
01:38Leave it there.
01:39And then the next time, you know, let her leave
01:41and then be like, bae, don't worry.
01:43It's already about to be full.
01:44And then you walk back in there, same tub.
01:46There you go, didn't waste any water.
01:48Same, same bath water.
01:49I feel you, I feel you.
01:51The watchdog.
01:53Let's see, my girlfriend doesn't think it's a big deal
01:55if her dog is in the room while we have sex,
01:58but I can feel him watching me and it's hurting my performance.
02:01How do I get her to keep the dog out?
02:04Yeah, this is a tough one.
02:05Maybe you got to be like, all right, it's time to eat.
02:07You ready to be fed?
02:09Head over to the next room.
02:11Here's a buffet.
02:12Yeah, it definitely is negligent parenting
02:15to leave your dog in the room for show.
02:17Especially there's some dogs that are like,
02:18I want to be up on the bed.
02:19I want to, you're hurting, you're hurting my fam.
02:22Just get that dog out of there.
02:24Odd jobs.
02:26I keep hiring this hot handyman to do work around my house
02:29so that I can keep flirting with him.
02:30I'm running out of jobs to give him
02:32and I'm worried I'll never see him again.
02:34What should I do?
02:35Okay, I mean, you definitely need to find one last job
02:37for him to do, right?
02:38Sounds like you already got him on speed dial,
02:40the hot handyman.
02:42You just need to be like, hey, I'm ready to clean some pipes.
02:46Are you ready to come over?
02:48Is that what you say to handyman?
02:49That's what I say, that's what I text my handyman.
02:52Hey, yo, my shit needs to be gutted.
02:58Late night leak.
02:59I brought a guy home from the bar last night
03:01after we hooked up and I fell asleep.
03:04He drunkenly peed in my dresser drawer
03:07thinking it was the toilet.
03:08This isn't real.
03:08This is a shit post.
03:09There's no way.
03:10Now all of my clothes are ruined.
03:11Do I give up on one night stands?
03:13Yes.
03:14If this person does this, I guarantee you,
03:17you can cut your losses with this man.
03:19He's not the man for you.
03:21This isn't marriage material.
03:23He can't handle his liquor or his bladder.
03:25So this is the only clear answer so far.
03:29Dump this guy.
03:30Well, it's just a one night stand.
03:32Never see him again.
03:33The food sniffer.
03:35My boyfriend loves to describe the smell
03:36and flavor profiles of food while he eats
03:38and it really gets on my nerves for some reason.
03:41How do I bring this up to him?
03:42You can't say, don't let it get on your nerves.
03:45Maybe you gotta be like, yo, you gotta take this
03:47to the workplace, buddy.
03:49Not here.
03:50I do smell my food before I eat it.
03:54Just because?
03:55Like, why wouldn't you?
03:56I am a very neurotic eater.
03:58I am someone who's like, whoa, is that oregano?
04:02Or like, wow, they put cumin in this?
04:04Whoa, they're spicing it up.
04:06I can see it getting a little excessive,
04:08especially if you're like, guys,
04:09we're not on a chopped episode.
04:11I don't need to know the flavor profile.
04:12We're eating the same thing.
04:13I know what it tastes like.
04:15I could get that.
04:16Corporate coital.
04:18After weeks of sexual tension,
04:22my coworker and I finally hooked up.
04:25But she wants to keep the night between us
04:27a secret from the rest of the team.
04:29Should I be offended?
04:30No!
04:32No, don't be offended.
04:34No, you got something cool going on.
04:36You just don't, yeah, don't be offended.
04:39That's y'all's business.
04:41Yeah, you, don't be a blabbermouth.
04:43What the hell?
04:44The bromance.
04:45My boyfriend spends all of his free time
04:47with his buddies and has even canceled
04:49on some of our date nights for them.
04:50How do I call him out on this?
04:52They came first, girl.
04:53I don't know what to tell you.
04:54It's important someone who makes time
04:56for their friends, you know?
04:58And we all know the flip side of this.
05:00We all don't really appreciate that friend
05:03who gets, you know, a partner
05:04and then all of a sudden falls off
05:06the face of the earth, you know?
05:07So find a happy medium.
05:10Bring your girls out.
05:11Be like, hey, let's have the groups join together.
05:14I bring some of my friends,
05:16bring some of the other party's friends,
05:18and then you're always mingling with someone.
05:20Why aren't you allowed to the bromance?
05:22You probably don't even want to be there.
05:23The sore loser.
05:24On our first date, we went to dinner
05:27to watch his favorite baseball team play.
05:29We were hitting it off,
05:30but once his team started losing,
05:32he began screaming at the TV
05:34in front of everyone in the restaurant.
05:35I was mortified.
05:37Do I give him a second date?
05:39Yeah, it's not a red enough flag
05:40to truly be like, all right.
05:42If y'all are at like a sports bar,
05:45this is kind of like the place to do it.
05:47Take it to the living room
05:48and see if he's doing this alone
05:50in his own house with no one else watching.
05:53Because if that's the case,
05:54then you either better start liking baseball
05:57and get into the team as well,
05:59or find someone with a new hobby.
06:02I would suggest try getting into the game once,
06:04you know, go Dodgers.
06:07The flaky satch.
06:08I'm really into this girl I've been seeing,
06:10but she cancels our plans last minute
06:12to take spontaneous road trips
06:14or adventures with her friends.
06:17She blames this on being a Sagittarius.
06:20Is this a legitimate excuse?
06:21I don't think it's a legitimate excuse.
06:24No, I don't know.
06:25She can't be serious, right?
06:26Like no, I feel like nobody's ever serious
06:28when they're like, I'm a Sagittarius.
06:30I have to be adventurous.
06:32Like, it's definitely a little coy.
06:33I'm feeling maybe you just got to plan
06:35your own road trip.
06:36Be like, girl, I'm spontaneous too.
06:39You know, I could do, I could be driving.
06:41You could be passing your princess.
06:43I don't care.
06:45In bed with the enemy.
06:46I hooked up with my neighborhood bartender,
06:48who I loathe.
06:49Whoa, the sex was amazing,
06:52but he's still a douchebag.
06:54Oh my God.
06:55Do I keep having hate sex
06:57or find myself a new bar?
06:59I mean this, you didn't need to write this one in girl.
07:01Like, yeah, don't worry.
07:02Find yourself a new bar.
07:03Let me know what bar this is happening at
07:08and you'll have your issue solved for sure.
07:11Y'all thanks for watching.
07:12I'm Cholo Mayiweña.
07:14Check out the part two of Cobra Kai out now.
07:17I appreciate y'all for having me.
Comments