00:00I saw a tweet once that said,
00:03when a boy shows you a meme,
00:04it's a sign of great respect in their culture.
00:07Hi, I'm Phineas, and this is If It Were Me.
00:12Today I'm going to go through a series of
00:14cosmo-confesses, a word that I just heard.
00:17I'm assuming they just made it up.
00:19And I'm going to tell you how I would
00:20handle these situations.
00:23I think this might be a good, helpful disclaimer
00:25for this entire video, which is that
00:27I'm happy to give advice,
00:28and it is often not taken.
00:31Okay, so this is called the fetishizer.
00:34I started seeing this guy who has been
00:36pampering me nonstop, paying for my meals,
00:38pedicures, the list goes on.
00:40He told me it's because he has this fetish
00:42of spoiling women and then watching them
00:44hook up with other guys.
00:46I know a guy like this.
00:48Do I try to make this exclusive?
00:50He's trying to, like, spoil you
00:52and let you hook up with other people,
00:54and it seems like that has been
00:56the great strategy for you to want to
00:58make it exclusive with him.
00:59You could always try to see, like,
01:00how much you can get, see how much
01:02of a fetish he really has,
01:04and how deep his pockets are.
01:05And you could start asking around
01:07the other people close to you in your life
01:09and see if they want various items,
01:11see if you can procure that for them.
01:13Sort of a romantic Robin Hood type figure.
01:16Insta Dilemma says,
01:18I'm always posting cute pictures
01:20of my boyfriend and me,
01:21but he rarely posts photos of me.
01:23He says he's a private person.
01:25Is this a huge red flag?
01:27I mean, huge red flag is a relative term, right?
01:30Sounds like to me you should express that,
01:32tell him what that means.
01:33You know, my own relationship with Instagram,
01:35I don't really like to look at my own face.
01:37I don't really want to post anything
01:39that I'm involved in unless it's funny.
01:41But I happen to know,
01:43much like this Insta Dilemma points out,
01:45that it makes Claudia, my partner,
01:47feel good when she's posted about
01:49on my Instagram,
01:50and that's enough of a reason for me.
01:52Loudmouth.
01:54My girlfriend somehow manages to sneeze
01:56like an 18-wheeler honking on the freeway,
01:58but only in public do I call her out
02:01on her roaring snout or keep her indoors
02:04and alone at all times.
02:05Threatening way to end that.
02:06Yeah, people coughing and sneezing
02:08is infuriating and a sign of weakness
02:11and makes me hate everybody
02:13whenever they cough or sneeze.
02:15So I'm with you on that,
02:16but that's a me thing.
02:17That's not a them thing.
02:18Everybody does it.
02:19I do it, but I empathize.
02:20Don't keep her indoors and alone at all times.
02:23That's super illegal.
02:25Cyber side chick.
02:27My husband just confessed to hooking up
02:29with a virtual woman on his VR headset.
02:32He claims it's harmless fun,
02:34but I don't know how to feel about it.
02:36Do I end a marriage over this or let it go?
02:38I want specificity.
02:39I want clarification.
02:41You know, what kind of a confession was this?
02:43Was he caught doing it?
02:44That must have been embarrassing
02:45for everybody involved.
02:47Did he sort of just tell you casually?
02:49Everything like this is about a conversation
02:51that you've had and a boundary.
02:52If you feel like this is a boundary
02:54that you don't want crossed,
02:55you've just got to communicate that boundary
02:57and let them respect it or disrespect it.
02:59And if he doesn't respect your boundary,
03:01then that's on him.
03:02A snaky situationship.
03:04I jumped into snake-infested waters
03:07to impress a guy who won't even call me his girlfriend
03:09and nearly broke my foot in the process.
03:11He managed to come to my rescue in the end,
03:13but I'm not sure if this is going anywhere.
03:15Do I risk ruining our situationship
03:18by having the talk?
03:19So, none of this has anything to do
03:21with this situation that you've brought up
03:23about the snakes.
03:24This is such a strange submission
03:28because you're just telling a story
03:30about jumping into waters
03:32that you claim have snakes in them
03:33and breaking your foot.
03:34And in this question, you're also saying
03:36that you're dating somebody
03:38that doesn't want to call you his girlfriend
03:39and they have nothing to do with each other at all.
03:41Two separate answers.
03:42Don't jump into waters full of snakes
03:45if you want a level of commitment
03:47that your partner's not willing to give you,
03:49then say that.
03:52And if that's a deal-breaker,
03:53that's a deal-breaker.
03:54That's fine.
03:55But again, this has nothing to do
03:56with the snake-infested waters.
03:58Mr. Comfy Clothes.
04:00My new fling's idea of dressing up
04:02is basketball shorts and hoodies,
04:04even at nice restaurants.
04:06I'm a little embarrassed when we go out together,
04:08but I really like him.
04:09Do I low-key help upgrade his wardrobe
04:11or not risk blowing it?
04:13To be honest, I don't feel super comfortable
04:15in, like, athleisure.
04:16I don't feel comfortable in shorts and hoodies.
04:18You'll never see me in a pair of shorts.
04:20But again, this is also about, like,
04:21the dynamic that you're trying to have.
04:23I'm trying to, like, present myself
04:25in a way that my girlfriend thinks is hot.
04:27That's, like, the big goal.
04:29So a little positive reinforcement.
04:31Get him some nice piece of apparel.
04:33You don't have to break the bank,
04:34but get him, like, a pair of slacks and a shirt
04:37and then compliment him.
04:38Be like, wow, you look incredible right now.
04:40Like, he'll do that again.
04:42Everyone is Pavlovian.
04:45The man with the memes.
04:47I'm seeing a new guy, and on our last date,
04:49he proceeded to walk me through every meme
04:51on his camera roll for a full hour.
04:54Is this a show-and-tell sesh?
04:56Sweet or a major ick?
04:58It's up to you.
04:59To somebody, this is annoying,
05:01and to somebody, this is sweet
05:03and a way for you guys to connect.
05:05If he's showing you stuff that's funny to him
05:07and it's not funny to you,
05:08sounds like you have different senses of humor.
05:10But if they were making you laugh,
05:12that's not an ick.
05:13You guys are connecting.
05:14I saw a tweet once that said,
05:16when a boy shows you a meme,
05:18it's a sign of great respect in their culture.
05:21Cross-country hold-up.
05:22I slid into my celebrity crush's DMs
05:25knowing I was about to move across the country
05:27and being rejected was the least of my worries.
05:29To my surprise, he said yes to a date.
05:31Do I put off the big move to go on a date with a celeb?
05:34Gleaning from this,
05:35the celeb lives where you are,
05:37not where you're moving to.
05:38No, definitely don't.
05:41Don't put off the move for the celeb.
05:43Celebs move around, man.
05:44Celebs are mobile.
05:46They get on planes and buses
05:48and he'll end up where you are,
05:50so he'll be fine.
05:52Now, it's time for what Cosmo has told me
05:54is called the quickie.
05:57Dinner or drinks for a first date?
05:58Drinks.
05:59Pack on the PDA or keep things private?
06:02I lean toward private.
06:03Ask someone out via text or on the phone?
06:05On the phone.
06:06Give up touring or give up sex?
06:08Give up sex.
06:09Good lord.
06:10Give up touring.
06:11Tell your dirtiest secret to your boss
06:13or your parents?
06:14Parents.
06:15Sleep with someone on the first date
06:17or wait six months?
06:18First date.
06:19Date someone who hates your music
06:21or is secretly obsessed with you?
06:22Hates your music.
06:23Write about your ex or forget they existed?
06:27Write about your ex.
06:29Nice.
06:31Thank you so much for watching this video.
06:33This was in an effort to promote an album
06:35that I just put out called For Crying Out Loud.
06:37If you enjoyed this, there is no guarantee
06:39you will enjoy any of the music that I just put out,
06:41but I appreciate your time.
07:07For Crying Out Loud
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