00:00Hey friends, imagine standing at the edge of a vast, beautiful ocean.
00:06The horizon stretches endlessly before you, full of opportunity, possibility, and wonder.
00:14But just as you're ready to dive in, you feel something pulling you back, an invisible weight.
00:20It's the opinions, judgments, and expectations of others.
00:25It's the fear of what people might think if you fail, or even worse, if you succeed.
00:31How many times have you let that weight stop you from diving in?
00:36Today, I'm going to cut that weight loose, because on the other side of that fear is
00:42freedom, and on the other side of seeking approval is living authentically.
00:48We'll dive in on how to stop stopping the need for others' validation, and unlock your
00:56true potential.
00:58It just drives me crazy that people care what other people think.
01:02You know, are you ready to make the leap?
01:05Let's jump in!
01:07How often do you let the opinions of others dictate your choices, actions, or dreams?
01:13You know, research shows that humans are social beings by nature, and our brains are
01:18wired to seek social approval.
01:21According to neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman, the brain's reward system lights up when we
01:27receive social approval, much like it does when we experience physical rewards like food
01:33or money.
01:34It's part of our biology to crave acceptance.
01:38But while this might have helped us survive in ancient times, today, in 2024, it can hold
01:46us back from reaching our full potential.
01:49And the truth is, you will never reach your potential if you're constantly seeking approval
01:55from others.
01:57Their opinions are just that, opinions.
02:00And you know what my grandma used to say about opinions?
02:05Opinions are like, everybody's got one, you know what I mean?
02:10And you know, opinions are shaped based on their own experiences and their biases and
02:15their fears.
02:17The science of cognitive biases tells us that people often make snap judgments based on
02:23incomplete information.
02:25And these judgments, well, they say more about them than they do about you.
02:31You see, why should their biases and limitations define your path?
02:36You know, when we let fear of judgment dictate our lives, we're engaging in what's called
02:42social comparison theory.
02:45It was first developed by psychologist Leon Festinger in the 1950s.
02:51And this theory explains how we measure our worth by comparing ourselves to others.
02:57And this leads to anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy.
03:02The problem with constantly seeking validation is that you end up living someone else's life
03:10instead of your own.
03:12You hand over control of your happiness, decisions, and ultimately your destiny.
03:19You know, one powerful scientific principle that can help us with this is the concept
03:25of self-determination theory.
03:28This theory created by psychologists Edward Deasy and Richard Ryan suggests that people
03:35have three basic psychological needs, autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
03:42Now, when we live authentically and pursue our goals without worrying about the opinions
03:48of others, we fulfill the need for autonomy, living in alignment with our true selves.
03:55Now, this in turn will boost our sense of competence and relatedness, allowing us to
04:02connect with others in a deeper and more meaningful way.
04:06So in short, the less you care about what others think, the more fulfilled and successful
04:14you will be.
04:16But how do you actually stop caring about other people's opinions, you might ask, Doug?
04:21It starts with a shift in mindset.
04:24First, you need to realize that most people are far too concerned with their own lives
04:30to spend time judging yours.
04:32And psychologists call this the spotlight effect, the tendency to overestimate how much
04:38others notice or care about your actions.
04:43In reality, people aren't paying as much attention as you think.
04:47And they're not.
04:48You see?
04:49Next, we need to consider practicing self-compassion.
04:53A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals
05:00who practice self-compassion are more resilient in the face of criticism and less likely to
05:06rely on external validation.
05:09Instead of judging yourself harshly for mistakes or perceived shortcomings, treat yourself
05:16with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.
05:20This builds inner strength and reduces the need for external approval.
05:27It's also important to surround yourself with people who support your journey and uplift
05:32your spirit.
05:34A strong social network of positive influences can significantly reduce the impact of negative
05:41judgments from others.
05:43In fact, social scientists have found that individuals who experience supportive relationships
05:50tend to develop higher self-esteem, which in turn reduces their dependence on others'
05:57opinions for validation.
06:00Now lastly, we need to build a strong sense of purpose, and research backs this.
06:06Research published in the Journal of Psychological Science shows that people who have a clear
06:10sense of purpose are less affected by social stressors and judgment.
06:17So when you're deeply connected to a meaningful goal or passion, you're less likely to be
06:22swayed by the opinions of others.
06:25Your purpose becomes your guide, and the approval of others becomes irrelevant.
06:31Now, I want to leave you with this thought today because I care about you and I believe
06:36in you.
06:37Ask yourself, what could you accomplish if you stopped caring so much about what others
06:43think?
06:44Imagine the doors that would open, the courage you'd find, and the freedom you'd feel.
06:50You know, the next time you hesitate, remember that living for the approval of others will
06:55only keep you in a box.
06:58But living for yourself, that's where true greatness lies.
07:03So you know what I believe?
07:04I believe your potential is waiting.
07:07And the only thing standing between you and your highest self is the fear of judgment.
07:13So let's let that go.
07:15Step into your power and embrace your authenticity.
07:18The world is waiting for the real you to show up, unapologetically.
07:24And when you stop caring about what others think, you don't just unlock your potential,
07:29you unlock your life.
07:31So the question is, are you ready to live it?
07:35I think you are.
07:37You know what?
07:38I think you're amazing.
07:40And I think you have incredible ability within you.
07:43The world is just waiting to see.
07:46So let's see it.
07:47Step up.
07:49Get those shoes on and get moving.
07:50Because it's the action you take today that's going to determine your life tomorrow.
07:56I'll be back with more good stuff tomorrow, friends.
07:59Have a beautiful day.
08:00Take care.
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