00:00I think there's a stigma around taking any, like, antidepressants, right, especially as athletes,
00:04because we're told, you know, to push through. And, you know, as a swimmer, I'm racing the clock,
00:09and I push my body so hard every single day, multiple times a day,
00:14that I just remember thinking, why can't I just get through this?
00:21I've competed in five Paralympic Games, and after every Paralympics from the time that I was 12
00:26years old, there's always that post-blues, right? It's just this feeling of what next,
00:31and you're on such a high, and then all of a sudden, it comes just crashing, right? You're
00:35not in your routine anymore, and you just don't even know what to do. And for me, after Tokyo,
00:39you know, I had success, right? I won three gold medals, two silver, and a bronze, but I
00:45was out of my routine, and I was just struggling, and didn't even know what to do, or how to keep
00:49moving forward. And I really, really struggled, because it wasn't me, right? I didn't feel like
00:54myself, you know, bubbly, happy, just full of life I normally am. And I just remember really
01:01struggling, and I had never been that type of person to not want to get out of bed, or to not
01:06want to get my nails done, or just things that brought me joy, and it wasn't getting better.
01:12I just realized that I couldn't do it on my own, and I think there's so much power in being
01:17vulnerable, right? And I think, you know, my whole life, I've had to be so vulnerable with being an
01:22amputee, or being an athlete. I didn't know how to be vulnerable with my mental health, and I just
01:29really thought, okay, what what do I do? My two little sisters have really struggled with their
01:34mental health, so they had been on antidepressants for a little bit. And I think for me, when I
01:38decided to do it, it was scary, right? It was really scary, and just, you know, I remember thinking it
01:45wasn't that big of a deal, but when it came time to have to take them every day, it was really,
01:49really a challenge, just thinking that, wow, I feel like a failure. I have a therapist that I've
01:53talked to for seven years, and you know, we say the same thing sometimes over and over again, but
01:58just this idea that, you know, it's okay to not be okay, and it doesn't really define you, and there
02:03is so much power in being vulnerable. And it took them for a little bit for just what was needed,
02:08and I just knew that I wanted to get back to feeling like me, and getting back into a routine,
02:13and that's kind of why I took them. I think there's a stigma around taking any, like, antidepressants,
02:18especially as athletes, because we're told, you know, to push through, and, you know, as a swimmer,
02:23I'm racing the clock, and I push my body so hard every single day, multiple times a day,
02:29that I just remember thinking, why can't I just get through this? Like, why do I feel so off? Like,
02:33what am I doing wrong? And that was probably the hardest part, is just that I couldn't work
02:37through it for some reason. And I'm like, I have overcome every single obstacle that's ever come
02:41my way, right? I was adopted from Russia, born without my legs, became a Paralympic champion
02:47three times when I was 12 years old, and I just remember thinking, I can't get through this.
02:52And it was just so bizarre. I think it's important to get rid of that stigma, because I think more
02:57people are hurting than we know, right? And I think everyone has their own internal battles.
03:01It's been really, really important to have those conversations, and I think it's like a ripple
03:05effect, right? When you are able to talk with your teammates, and, you know, our teammates, we can
03:09relate to each other so well with being part of Team USA, or being in an elite atmosphere. I think
03:14the reception that I got just when we, you know, I started being vocal about it was really positive,
03:20right? And I mean, I wouldn't probably have been able to take antidepressants if it wasn't for a
03:24few of my teammates who were on them as well. And I think just, again, getting rid of that stigma
03:28that, you know, there's something wrong with you, or wow, you're so weak, or you couldn't do it on
03:32your own. Like, I think we can, we have to start getting rid of that stigma, and it's okay to not
03:37always have it together. It's okay to not always be super positive, that it's actually really human
03:42and normal to have bad days, and to be sometimes negative, and to just be,
03:46just to go through a tough season. And I think we just have to continue to normalize it.
Comments