- 36 minutes ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:14We've got a museum in a football club song.
00:17Do we have to have a team song?
00:18Well, I expect we'll win a game eventually, Destiny.
00:21Yeah, but why do we have them? We're not Welsh coal miners.
00:23What do you expect the players to do after a win then?
00:25I don't know, but I don't expect athletes to sing.
00:27After the 100 metres, I don't expect Usain Bolt
00:30to break into a rendition of Nessun Dorma.
00:32It's about bonding. It's about celebration.
00:34Oh, Alistair, face time.
00:35No, no, no, no.
00:36No, can we not do that now, please?
00:37Thank you, Jemisin.
00:38Hugh, Destiny, I won't keep you long.
00:40I know you've got a lot to do because you've certainly done fuck all so far.
00:44Have you got the club song yet?
00:45No, but we're...
00:45God almighty, how hard is it to write a football club song?
00:49Impossible, judging by the existing ones.
00:50If you can't deliver a bloody song on time,
00:52how are you going to go with a multi-purpose stadium?
00:54Just on that, Alistair, why do we have to build a stadium to get a team?
00:58Because you can't have one without the other.
00:59Yeah, but why not?
01:01Because they're inextricably linked.
01:02Yeah, I do understand that concept.
01:04I'm asking why.
01:07Because.
01:08Yeah, I mean, I find that a compelling argument, Alistair.
01:10I just don't know if they're really buying it down here.
01:12Well, when you're running the AFL, Hugh...
01:16God, that's a funny idea.
01:18You can mount your own argument.
01:19Look, the club presidents want to see some progress,
01:22so pick up the pace.
01:23I need a song.
01:24And a mascot by Yesterday.
01:30Hey, I've got to build a club and a $715 million stadium here.
01:34It's $745 million now.
01:36Whatever.
01:37Can you just get on board with all this stuff?
01:39Oh, maybe I should just transfer you the state government's $375 million now
01:44so you can spend the taxpayers' money any way you see fit.
01:47You say that like it would be inappropriate.
01:53Hence why we have chosen three couples from three very different suburbs.
01:58We want a broad cross-section of views.
02:02Do we still get paid even if we don't know anything about the football?
02:05Ah, yes.
02:07What if we slag off the AFL?
02:08Same fee?
02:09Yes, yes.
02:09There's no loading for sucking up.
02:11So, we need a club motto.
02:13To give you an example, the GWS Giants use think big, live big, play big.
02:18So, thinking about Tasmania and what image the club might want to project,
02:23what sort of motto do you think might work well?
02:29Anyone?
02:32Ah, John.
02:35Trying to win?
02:37Great.
02:38Someone else.
02:39Well, what about finally, after all these years, we're in like Flynn?
02:45Thank you, Oliver.
02:46So, equating Tassie entering the AFL with Errol Flynn entering a woman.
02:52Okay.
02:52Well, it kind of ruins it when you explain it.
02:54Sorry, I thought, I just thought not everyone would be familiar with the expression and who
02:58Flynn was.
02:59He was a root rat.
03:01My mistake.
03:02Any other thoughts?
03:03When do we get paid?
03:05Straight afterwards.
03:07Evelyn, do you have any thoughts on a motto?
03:09What about prioritising your taxes inappropriately?
03:12Oh.
03:13Here we go.
03:13What's your problem?
03:15Well, if you must...
03:16Actually, you know what, we're going to move on because we are also wanting to canvas nicknames
03:22for the club.
03:23Well, it's got to be the Tassie Devils, doesn't it?
03:25Yeah.
03:25What about the Tassie Muttonbirds?
03:28The Tassie Muttonbirds, yes.
03:30Of course.
03:31It doesn't have to be an animal, though.
03:33What about the Tassie Homeless?
03:35Oh.
03:35Oh, what about the Tassie Woke Anti-Everything Protesters?
03:40Yeah, the wet fucking blankets.
03:41You calling me a wet blanket?
03:43Yes, mate, I am.
03:44You and your missus.
03:45Don't you talk about my family.
03:47Oh, sit down, you snowflake.
03:49What's all that about?
03:51Uh, Adam?
03:53Yes.
03:54Are you the mascot?
03:56Yes.
03:57Amazing.
03:58Uh, Hugh Shen, CEO.
04:00Hi.
04:01And Destiny Pit, COO.
04:02Nice to meet you.
04:04And I am, of course, Adam the Apple from the Apple Isle.
04:10You're not quite all there, are you?
04:13That's right.
04:13Some poor sod's taken a bite, only to discover, really, the worm.
04:19Oh, that's what that is.
04:20Look, I think we've seen enough, haven't we?
04:21Absolutely.
04:22Yeah.
04:23Not sure a piece of diseased fruit ticks all the boxes, but thank you so much for your time.
04:27Jamison, would you please show Adam the Apple, Donny the Door?
04:31All right.
04:33Sorry, mate, but, um, yeah, thanks for coming in.
04:36Was it the worm?
04:37No, love the worm.
04:39More, um, the whole concept, I reckon.
04:42Well, that's something to work on.
04:44That's really helpful feedback.
04:46Amazing.
04:47Anyway, your mates at the AFL are the ones saying we have to build a stadium or there's
04:52no team.
04:53What if it's a change of government?
04:55They decide, like half of Tasmania, there are more important things to spend that money
05:00on.
05:00That's why we need to crack on, so it's all too far advanced for them to kibosh it.
05:03Jamison, you've got to screen out the real nutters.
05:06I am.
05:06I said no to Clayton the clean air.
05:09Clean air?
05:10How'd he make a costume for that?
05:11He said you can't.
05:12He was just going to do it nude.
05:24Thanks.
05:26Jamison.
05:28Listen, I need your help.
05:30Destiny knows nothing about football, okay?
05:32You want me to try and explain it to her?
05:34Please don't, Cole.
05:35State government's put her here so they can say they're monitoring how their investment's
05:38been spent.
05:39Oh, yeah.
05:40I think she's up to no good.
05:42Me too.
05:43Are you thinking some elaborate scam where she siphons monies to an offshore account?
05:46No.
05:47No.
05:48Look, this project is of monumental importance, all right?
05:51Oh, yeah.
05:52It's huge for Tasmania.
05:54That, plus if I pull it off, I can make a very good case to be the AFL's next CEO.
05:58If I fuck it up, I'll end up head of umpiring.
06:01My worry is Destiny's trying to sabotage it.
06:03Me too.
06:05Maybe Launceston's behind it.
06:06His north-south robbery down here is vicious.
06:08It's like the troubles in Ireland.
06:09Yeah.
06:10Yeah, it's exactly the same.
06:12So, see what you can find out about her.
06:14See if she's got wealthy connections up there.
06:16Just generally keep me apprised of her machinations, yeah?
06:21Tell me what she's up to.
06:22Yeah.
06:22Yes.
06:24Okay.
06:30Ah, Jamison, can I, um, can I take you into my confidence?
06:34100%.
06:35Everybody does.
06:36Cool.
06:36Yeah.
06:37Yeah.
06:37Romlyn Pei told me yesterday, in confidence, that she just applied for a job with Aurora
06:40Energy.
06:42Well, Hugh, and disclaimer, I don't know the guy, but I'm not sure he has any regard for
06:47the principles of good governance or socially-aware business practices.
06:51Yeah, I picked up on that.
06:53Now, the Premier has put me here to be accountable for every dollar spent, so you can see the
06:58importance of this.
06:59100%.
06:59It's a huge thing for Tassie.
07:01Yeah, that, and also it will be career-defining for me.
07:04So, on behalf of the government, I need you to keep an eye on him and just let me know
07:08what he's doing.
07:09Keep you apprised of his machinations.
07:10Exactly.
07:11And we never had this conversation.
07:14So you don't want me to do it?
07:16Do it, but don't tell Hugh we had this conversation.
07:19Yeah, amazing.
07:20Amazing.
07:21Yeah.
07:21Yeah.
07:26Good afternoon.
07:27Hi.
07:28Okay.
07:28Are we good to go?
07:29Yes.
07:30Well, Jane, welcome to Tasmania's Got Talent.
07:34Oh, I doubt we'd degrade ourselves to appear on that.
07:37No.
07:39No.
07:39Well, I just made it up, so.
07:43Anyway, the floor's yours, Jane.
07:45Blow our minds.
07:47Okay, ladies, stay with me, Helene.
07:49Come on, everybody, make some noise.
07:53We are the good old Tassie boys.
07:56We're fit and strong, we'll kick it long.
07:59Unless there's an obvious short pass on,
08:02we'll hit them hard and fight like dogs.
08:05As trucks roll by with all growth logs,
08:08we'll kick the score that wins the game.
08:11Cause after all, that is the aim.
08:22We're Tasmanians taking all the knocks.
08:26Tasmanians take without a force.
08:29They'll lose by a mile when they get to the Apple Isle.
08:44Extraordinary.
08:46Please, take a seat.
08:47They'll stand.
08:49Oh, so beautiful.
08:52It was.
08:53First thoughts, and I don't know if you've considered this,
08:57but do you think that footballers would be able to sing that?
09:01Well, with respect, that's not really my problem.
09:04I'm providing the material and it's up to you
09:07and your football department to provide the talent to execute it.
09:11I mean, it would make us stand out from the pack
09:14and it does align with our reputation as being a home for the arts.
09:18Are we not striving to be the best club in the competition?
09:22I take your point.
09:24It's just that I don't think an AFL club is going to start drafting kids
09:28from the Vienna Boys Choir.
09:29The fans have to be able to sing it too.
09:32Exactly right, Jamison.
09:33To sing that, we'd have to put every tattooed,
09:35tone-deaf footy head in the state through the Conservatorium of Music.
09:38All right, let's go.
09:40No wasting our time here.
09:42Thanks, Jane. Thanks, everyone.
09:46Do you know what it says on the Tasmanian number plate?
09:50Explore the possibilities.
09:53That rules that song out then.
09:58Do you want to see another mascot try out now?
10:00She's come as Mickey Mount Wellington.
10:02She's got a little cable car running up her arm and everything.
10:04And it's detachable, if you're opposed to it.
10:06For a start, we'd prefer the Aboriginal or Palawa name Kunanyi
10:10to Mount Wellington.
10:11I can ask if she's happy to change it to...
10:15Barney Kunanyi.
10:17If that's not disrespectful.
10:26So, uh, Destiny.
10:29You always lived in Hobart?
10:31No, I went to school up north.
10:33Really?
10:34Excuse me.
10:36So, up north, eh?
10:38Brian, okay.
10:39That'd be what?
10:40Devonport?
10:41Or, uh...
10:42Launceston.
10:43Excuse me.
10:44Yeah, so, uh, Lonnie.
10:47Lonnie.
10:47You, uh, still got any friends up there?
10:50Good friends?
10:52Um, yeah, I've got...
10:54I've got friends there.
10:56Amazing.
10:56Excuse me.
10:57Yeah, um, so, powerful friends, or, uh, hey, Hugh.
11:03Devon.
11:04Just talking to Destiny about our contacts in Lonnie.
11:09What's going on with you?
11:11Don't mean to pry, just in general, work-wise?
11:15Alistair called again.
11:16He wants us to look outside Tasmania for a professional musician.
11:19The government would prefer someone local.
11:21Oh, why didn't I think of telling Alistair that?
11:23Because you're intimidated by him.
11:25I am not.
11:26What about Tim Minchin?
11:26He'd be all right.
11:27Minchin.
11:28So you could fit.
11:29You write a footy club song?
11:31He wrote a song about Cardinal George Pell.
11:33How's that relevant?
11:34Pell was a good footballer in his day.
11:36Signed with Richmond.
11:37Yeah, I don't think that song was about his football prowess, though.
11:39It wasn't up there, George Pell.
11:40No, it was come back, Cardinal Pell.
11:42Yeah, come back from the Vatican.
11:44Not from being six goals down at half-time.
11:46Excuse me.
11:49Excuse me.
11:50Oh, yep.
11:53And...
11:54Excuse me.
11:55Okay.
11:56And...
11:57I'm really getting...
11:58Sorry, it's all being...
12:18Hi, Alistair.
12:19You still at work?
12:21Yep, still here.
12:22Made any progress on sponsorships?
12:24Sponsorships, yeah.
12:25I've got a couple of promising nibbles this week that I'll follow up on, so...
12:28I'll stitch them up.
12:30Should have made a few by now.
12:31Well, the economy here is no good, mate.
12:33It's a bit tough.
12:33Where are you with the location for the training and admin base?
12:36Yeah, I'm just waiting on a couple of reports on that.
12:39That needs to be happening now, are you?
12:41Yeah, well, the councils are a nightmare.
12:43Whose arse do you need to kiss?
12:44I'm not sure yet.
12:45Yeah, well, look into it and pucker up.
12:47Make it a priority.
12:49Right.
12:50You missing Melbourne?
12:51Yeah, I really am.
12:53I don't know anyone down here and...
12:54Yeah, okay, see ya.
12:57Okay.
12:59What do you reckon, Merlo?
13:02We're not going to kiss any arse, are we?
13:04Hey?
13:06I've been set up to fail, aren't I?
13:08Alistair's given me a poison chalice because I'm a threat.
13:12A big threat.
13:14It might take his job.
13:16Shouldn't have your dog in at work, Hugh.
13:25Sales are up 9% for the quarter, which we expect to get to double figures over the next six
13:30months.
13:31So, whilst we're a relatively new player in the salmon industry here, our market penetration, driven by our focus on
13:38world's best practice farming techniques, delivering unsurpassed quality product, is rapidly establishing us as, if you'll pardon the pun, a
13:48premier brand.
13:51And you feed them chicken shit, don't you?
13:55A component of poultry litter is involved.
13:58And chemicals to make them orange.
13:59We do use a synthetic colouring additive with no known health risks.
14:03Hmm.
14:04Yum.
14:05So you're looking to increase your exposure?
14:07Oh, fuck off.
14:08Excuse me?
14:10Oh, a sharpie shot.
14:12Oh, yes.
14:13That's quite hot.
14:14And so is that too.
14:16Yes, we absolutely are looking to increase our exposure, Hugh.
14:21What I would love to see is that we come on board as a major sponsor with an agreement to
14:25be the sole supplier of fresh seafood to the venue.
14:28Because I see some synergies between Cellmania and our new AFL team that could be of tremendous mutual benefit.
14:37We're both new, Tassie, fresh, determined to make it to number one.
14:42They're not the only synergies, though, are they?
14:45No.
14:45No, I'm sure they're not.
14:46Brian Noyce, one of our board members, is also a director of your company, isn't he?
14:50That's right, which provides a fantastic opportunity.
14:54For a conflict of interest.
14:55For both parties to benefit.
14:57How is it a conflict if Brian wants his football club to provide top quality seafood produce to its customers
15:03and his company can provide it?
15:04I'll send you a link.
15:05Yeah, look, we'll deal with that if it becomes an issue, okay?
15:09What level of sponsorship are we talking about here, George?
15:11That will really depend, Hugh, on what you can bring to the table.
15:15And don't say a lap dancer, eh?
15:18Hey?
15:20No, I'm not saying that.
15:21Did you have anything specific in mind?
15:23Well, I'm not sure what this sort of thing costs, but ideally what we would love is that the club
15:28jumper be predominantly pink on the front and silvery grey on the back.
15:33So like a salmon steak.
15:35That's it.
15:36And then why don't we put little fins on the side?
15:39Except that would make them easier to tackle.
15:41Not if they were oily.
15:42Ooh, yeah, good point.
15:43Ooh.
15:58Do I detect a frosty vibe?
16:01Hopefully.
16:01I don't want to be wasting this awkwardness.
16:03What have I done?
16:04Well, I mean, you're really sweet-talked him with all that stuff about chicken shit and conflicts of interest, didn't
16:09you?
16:09Well, that arrangement would be totally inappropriate.
16:11And he's a wanker.
16:13We're going to knock back business heavyweights because they're wankers.
16:15We'll have no corporate sponsorships.
16:16We need to welcome wankers.
16:18Be more inclusive.
16:19Well, I'm going to call out conflicts of interest when I see them.
16:22Yeah, that's fine, but this is a small state.
16:25If you want board members from the business community, chances are they're going to be involved in something that benefits
16:29from the stadium.
16:30So if a conflict of interest is inevitable, it's okay?
16:33Well, you want local input.
16:35I mean, what's the conflict really?
16:36So when the board meet to decide the catering contract, Brian Noyce steps out of the room and his fellow
16:41directors say,
16:42Brian's a good guy and a valuable board member and his company sponsorship is valuable, but we'll give the contract
16:47to somebody else.
16:47Well, why would they do that?
16:49Exactly.
16:49Why would they?
16:50So what's the problem?
16:52Seriously?
16:53It's okay that his company benefits financially from his position on the board.
16:56That's business.
16:57Oh, see, us public servants don't understand business.
17:02Do you want this project to happen?
17:04I'm completely agnostic about it.
17:06Agnostic or atheistic?
17:08Well, what I'm not going to be is a Hillsong happy clapper.
17:10Are you excited about it within the parameters of being a public servant?
17:14I have no interest in sport.
17:16Jesus.
17:16So, no, I'm not excited.
17:18I don't have an emotional attachment to a proposed building or a non-existent sporting team.
17:22Put that on a bumper sticker.
17:24Why'd they choose you then?
17:29Hi, Jamison.
17:30Hey, so I've been looking into Destiny.
17:33You're on speaker.
17:35You're on speaker.
17:36Destiny's with me, Jamison.
17:37So...
17:38Okay, well...
17:40So...
17:43Does her workspace comply ergonomically with the guidelines?
17:46What?
17:47Oh, yes.
17:49Yes.
17:49It completely complies.
17:50Yep.
17:51Checked it out.
17:51All good.
17:52Okay.
17:52Thanks, Jamison.
17:53Sure.
17:54And Destiny, I will talk to you later.
17:56Please do.
17:57Just about work stuff, not Hugh.
17:59Yep.
17:59Goodbye, Jamison.
18:00Okay, bye.
18:09As regards to the team nickname, the Tassie Devils, it seems to be the most popular.
18:13Great.
18:13Great.
18:13Great.
18:14An animal known for its facial tumours that we only ever see as roadkill.
18:17That's the image we want to go with.
18:19But we would need to get permission from Warner Brothers to use the Tasmanian devil.
18:22How can they copyright a marsupial?
18:23So, if we didn't get it, what are we left with?
18:26A facial tumour.
18:28Be an awesome costume.
18:29The bigger issue with the term devils, though, is the religious rite in Tassie, especially
18:33up north.
18:33They are not going to be happy with the connotations.
18:36Yeah, right.
18:37You don't think we could convince them that we're not actually going to be worshipping Satan?
18:40Do they think the Jedi West giants are actually giants?
18:43Is giants PC?
18:44It really should be large people, shouldn't it?
18:46Sure.
18:47From now on, we'll refer to them as the Greater Western Sydney Large People.
18:51Assuming greater's okay.
18:52It's a bit judgmental.
18:54Yep, fine.
18:54Let's go with the broader Western Sydney Large People.
18:58Okay.
18:59Thanks, Angela.
19:00There's a lot of people not happy about this stadium.
19:02They are really worried about it.
19:04Can we address that in some way?
19:05Yes.
19:06We'll build the stadium and shut them up.
19:09Okay.
19:10Well, I've got to prep for another focus group.
19:11So, if anyone needs me, I'll be with my trauma council.
19:14If anyone wants me, I'll be in the toilet.
19:16That makes it just that little bit less likely.
19:19Hey, I think you and I need to do a little reset.
19:22Maybe we should go for a drink after work.
19:24Over the road?
19:26I'll be there about five.
19:27I've got yoga after work.
19:29Don't get out till seven.
19:30Perfect.
19:30Hello, my darling boy.
19:31Oh, God.
19:32Oh, President?
19:34Also Chair of the Tasmanian Chamber of Nepotism.
19:37Was she really the best candidate for President?
19:39Oh, by seven million dollars.
19:41Which is a skill set we'll make a great use of.
19:43Catherine!
19:44No big ideas for you today.
19:47Oh.
19:47But you're still working on my Antarctic training camp idea anyway, aren't you?
19:52Really pushing hard for it.
19:54And my robot water carriers and the goalposts with the fireworks coming out the top.
20:00All progressing as I'd hoped.
20:01No, I just dropped by to see how my boy is going.
20:05Oh, okay.
20:06Is he?
20:06Oh, tremendous.
20:08His dad and I were worried he might not be up to it, but happy to be proven wrong.
20:13He really appreciates that you both respect him for who he is.
20:18Well, that's amazing that he feels like that.
20:21Because the fact that I am a wealthy businesswoman should in no way influence how you deal with him.
20:27It doesn't.
20:28Good.
20:30I've been treating him like scum.
20:35You're good.
20:45So, men's team in the VFL in 2026, women's team in 2027, build a training and admin facility and a
20:52stadium, team in the AFL in 2028, back to Melbourne to pose Alistair, run the AFL.
20:58What about you?
21:00Become the senior public servant in Tasmania by the time I'm 35.
21:04Why wait till then?
21:06Identify your rivals, undermine them, stab them in the back.
21:09See, it's my public service naivety again.
21:17This is probably about my own mortality, but lately I've been noticing how fabulous young people's skin is.
21:26Okay.
21:29I've got to go.
21:31Hey, I didn't mean anything.
21:34I see you tomorrow.
21:40Shit.
21:44Resistance is useless.
21:46We will keep you名s.
21:49Get out of your way.
21:51Get out of your way.
21:54Morning.
21:55Jamison?
21:56Yeah.
21:57Um, so how do you reckon it's all going, Q?
22:02Good.
22:02Amazing.
22:03Yeah.
22:05Everything's being done as per the contract and that.
22:11Has Destiny asked you to report to her about me
22:13the way I've asked you to report to me about her?
22:17No.
22:18No, that conversation never happened.
22:20The conversation where she asked you to report on me?
22:22No.
22:23I mean, yes.
22:24Yes what?
22:26Yes, the conversation where she asked me to report on you.
22:29That conversation never happened?
22:31No.
22:32No, it did happen or no, it never happened?
22:35Yes, it never happened.
22:37I'm confused because you said no, it never happened and now yes, it never happened.
22:41So am I right in saying the conversation never happened?
22:44No.
22:44It never happened?
22:45No, you're not right.
22:46It happened, but it never happened.
22:52Can I have a word?
22:54Uh-huh.
22:55Okay.
23:04I just want you to know that I'm sincerely sorry for last night.
23:08I was making a general observation and I guess trying to pay you a compliment, but what I said
23:14was inappropriate, it won't happen again, and I apologise for any discomfort it made you feel.
23:20I appreciate you be within your rights to report this.
23:23I would just...
23:23Don't worry about it.
23:24You were drunk.
23:26You're single, lonely, hard to warm to, sex-starved, and I'm attractive, I get it.
23:32Thank you so much.
23:33Mm-hmm.
23:35I mean, I don't think there was inherently anything wrong with what I said, but because
23:40there's this power imbalance between us, I...
23:42I don't think there's a power imbalance.
23:43Oh, well...
23:46Yeah.
23:47Great.
23:48Great.
23:49It would have been really creepy if there was a power imbalance.
23:51It would have been a different matter.
23:53Right.
23:54Well, great.
23:56So we're good?
23:59We're all right.
24:00Good morning.
24:00Good morning.
24:01How are we?
24:02George.
24:02Morning, George.
24:03Right, so I'm just passing through, and I thought I would drop off a sample of our product
24:07for you.
24:08A side of our beautiful hot smoked salmon.
24:13Magic.
24:13Thank you very much.
24:14Pleasure.
24:15Destiny?
24:16No, thank you.
24:17No?
24:18Come on, don't tell me that eating beautiful, fresh Tassie produce is a conflict of interest.
24:23Accepting a gift in these circumstances is inappropriate.
24:26Destiny, come on.
24:27He's not going to buy his way into a catering contract with a couple of pieces of fish.
24:30They're a whole size of salmon.
24:32It's not right.
24:33I'm sorry, George.
24:35Don't apologise for me.
24:36Sorry, I apologise for me.
24:38I respect your passion.
24:40I respect your beliefs.
24:42But come on.
24:45It's delicious.
24:47Yeah.
24:55Um, this is for you.
24:58It's a whole side of smoked salmon.
25:02Oh, I'm not eating that.
25:04That mob feed of chicken shit.
25:20I mean, why do we bother with this mob?
25:22This woman's bias is a disgrace.
25:24Not all the media can be an extension of the AFL's PR department.
25:27Have you vetted the calls?
25:28How are we supposed to vet an ABC audience?
25:30You're telling me that the CEO or the president haven't got anyone from the national broadcaster
25:34down here in your pockets yet?
25:35What the fuck have you two been doing?
25:37You haven't got a song or a cheer squad or a location with a training and admin centre.
25:41We have a perfectly good location for it in Kingston.
25:43Kingston.
25:44Is Kingston any closer to Hobart now than it was three weeks ago when I rejected it?
25:48No, no way.
25:49Within five Ks of the CBD.
25:51That's the stipulation.
25:52I told you that.
25:53So unless you and your government mates can organise some continental drift in the next few
25:56weeks, stop talking about bloody Kingston.
25:58You need to watch your tone.
25:59Bullshit.
26:00Live across Tasmania.
26:01Back in.
26:03Hey, if the TMA centre comes up, can you say we're going to take our time to make sure
26:06we get the decision right?
26:08Just checking something in the Communist Manifesto, were we?
26:10Mornings with Libby Kitcher.
26:12And welcome back.
26:13You're listening to ABC Radio Mornings.
26:17And my guests are AFL CEO Alistair Penfold, Great Southern Football Club CEO Hugh Shen.
26:23And now Hugh, a question for you.
26:27$765 million is what's slated for the new stadium, although no one seems to think it can
26:32be built for less than a billion.
26:34We have a housing crisis and a health crisis here.
26:37How do you justify spending this kind of money on a sports stadium?
26:41Libby, when you have the great Southern Footy Club playing Carlton in Hobart, your hotels
26:45and Airbnbs will be full.
26:47Your restaurants and bars will be full.
26:49Your markets and cafes, this state-of-the-art stadium will generate the revenue to help
26:54solve the housing crisis.
26:55Well, let's build half a dozen of them.
26:57Then we can solve the health crisis, the teacher shortage and the traffic gridlock.
27:01With respect, you're just ignorant.
27:03Questioning projects is fine, but opposing exciting developments like this, if humanity
27:08didn't embrace progress, we'd still be living in caves.
27:10A cave.
27:11That would be an improvement for some people here.
27:13Our first caller is Pip.
27:15Hi, Pip.
27:16Hi, Libby.
27:17Firstly, I'd like to say that I fully support the new team and the new stadium.
27:22Ah, the voice of reason.
27:24But my question concerns the training and admin facility.
27:27How close are you to settling on a location for that and could it positively impact the
27:31value of any of my property portfolio in Sandy Bay, Lower Sandy Bay, Taruna, Mount Nelson,
27:37Dunurn, Newtown or Mount Stewart?
27:40We're actually doing a site inspection today, Pip, but it is a hugely important and extremely
27:46complex decision.
27:47And she'll be making an announcement about that in the next week or so.
27:50Now, my son wants to know when he can join the cheer squad.
27:55Can you tell our listeners anything about a cheer squad?
27:57Yes.
27:58Our COO, Destiny Pitt over there, is right on top of that and she's currently taking interviews
28:04for the position of cheer squad leader.
28:06And again, she'll be making a decision sometime next week, I believe.
28:11Destiny?
28:13Yes, next week that is.
28:19Why doesn't Alistair travel in the van with us?
28:22Because it's a van.
28:23With us.
28:25Alistair.
28:26This is Barry Crabb from the RSL.
28:27Alistair Penfold.
28:28Alistair.
28:29Mum said it might be an appropriate and respectful thing to play the last post before official
28:34discussions got underway.
28:36Amazing.
28:37Okay.
28:40Sorry.
28:41Sorry.
28:42Sorry.
28:43Hold on.
28:43Hold on.
28:44Sorry.
28:45Hold on.
28:48That's not it either.
28:50That's not it.
28:51I know.
28:51Sorry, Barry.
28:52So, stadium over there and potentially the training and admin facility somewhere around
28:58here.
28:58Somewhere around this sacred precinct.
29:01That's the first order of business.
29:03Actually, first order of business is to get a bloody air bridge at the airport.
29:07Air bridge?
29:08There's no much point sticking a roof on a stadium if you have to walk through howling
29:11wind and lacerating rain to get on and off a plane.
29:13So, is this another condition for the licence?
29:15No, Destiny.
29:15It's a suggestion to make life more comfortable for everyone.
29:19Why don't we build public housing instead of a stadium?
29:21Sorry?
29:22I was just talking to Jamison.
29:24We should just build a roof over the whole state.
29:27One question I have is what any of this has got to do with me.
29:31Sorry, Barry.
29:31So, if we have the stadium over there, can you give us a sense of the RSL's view on
29:36having the training and admin facility here?
29:38Complete and utter opposition.
29:40Uh-huh.
29:41As far as I'm concerned, this area is out of bounds.
29:43My members are already jittery about the stadium being close to the war memorial.
29:46This is where we honour our war heroes.
29:48Barry, it's not like we're proposing to use the Cenotaph as a goalpost.
29:51The sign of remembrance in Melbourne is only a short walk from the MCG.
29:54I don't see that as disrespectful.
29:55In fact, on Anzac Day, I see it as a synergy.
29:57God, is someone giving you money if you use the word synergy?
30:00Sorry?
30:00I said Kingston.
30:02This is the main military monument in the state, though.
30:05What if we give you the naming rights to the TNA facility?
30:08The Barry Crabb Training and Admin Centre.
30:11The RSL.
30:12The Australian War Memorial, the Department of Veterans Affairs and the RSL will all pile
30:16on if you go down this path.
30:18Yes, yes, yes.
30:21There's any rugby grounds around here we could take over?
30:23It's always nice to stick another dagger in the heart of those NRL no-necks.
30:27No, I'd already thought of that.
30:28Yeah, congratulations.
30:31What's that area over there?
30:32Uh, oh, that's Government House.
30:36Oh, yeah?
30:37How much land?
30:39Sorry, sorry, sorry.
30:41That's not it.
30:42Um, I'm so sorry, Barry.
30:44Um, Siri, stop.
30:47Play the last post.
30:55I hope Earl Grey is okay.
30:58Yeah, yeah.
30:59Hope he makes a full recovery.
31:03And how are Mum and Dad?
31:04Yeah, good, thanks.
31:05Mum says you're coming home for dinner on the weekend.
31:07Mmm, I'm looking forward to hearing all about the new boat.
31:10It's an 80-footer, wet bar, bow sound system.
31:13I meant on the weekend.
31:15Oh, 100%.
31:17Sorry to interrupt, Jamison.
31:19So, Your Excellency, 15 hectares here, I understand.
31:22I believe so, yes.
31:23Gorgeous grounds.
31:25Mmm, and with such a rich history and all heritage listed, of course.
31:29Indeed.
31:29Do you spend much time in the grounds, Your Excellency?
31:32Oh, sadly, no.
31:34Mine's a very busy schedule, I'm afraid.
31:36Such a waste.
31:37In light of which, we were wondering if, Your Excellency, might be amenable to relocating
31:42to a more manageable property, freeing up the estate for the AFL Club's new training
31:48and administration facility.
31:50Obviously, we need to negotiate this with the state government, but there'll be no problems there.
31:54We could also make, Your Excellency, the club's number one ticket holder.
31:57However, it's a very prestigious position.
31:59Because let's be frank, Your Excellency, given the housing crisis here, 15 hectares in the
32:05heart of the city with only a few people living on it, I mean, it's obscene, isn't it?
32:10If the role of the governor is to serve the people, then what better way?
32:15And where would you propose I relocate to?
32:21Well, very soon, we hope to have in place a commercial arrangement with Restpoint Casino.
32:26So, an executive suite there would be an option.
32:29I'm not sure how appropriate it would be to hold vice-regal functions at a casino.
32:34Well, you can't have a vice-regal function without a vice.
32:38Oh, the tea.
32:39Sorry.
32:41I thought your friend was sick.
32:47I think that went well.
32:49Oh, yeah, she'll be packing her undies as we speak.
32:51Well, we're not going to win a public fight with the RSL, so pile the pressure on her about
32:55the extravagance of her living arrangements.
32:57She's the governor.
32:58Everyone expects her to have an unsustainably opulent, unjustifiably lavish lifestyle.
33:02I can't hold your hand through this, Hugh.
33:04If you haven't got the balls for this job, there's no shame in that.
33:06I'll get someone who has.
33:07We could put Hugh's undersized testicles to one side, as it were, if we just went with
33:11the government land at Kingston.
33:12You know there's a Kingston in Jamaica, too?
33:14Is it any closer?
33:15This place is sacrosanct, Alistair.
33:17It's steeped in tradition.
33:18Drop it, Destiny.
33:19We've got a lunch at minor.
33:20See you Monday.
33:25And he's publicly dumped the cheese squad in my lap.
33:29That has nothing to do with our priorities and everything to do with him swinging his dick.
33:33My background's governance.
33:35I don't know what a cheese squad is.
33:36I know what a fraud squad is.
33:38They investigate financial crime.
33:39A cheese squad, do they investigate happiness?
33:43I mean, we don't even have a team yet.
33:44Or a stadium, or a training and admin centre, or a coach.
33:47Do you want to swap jobs?
33:47It shits me that he won't even entertain the idea of Kingston, but he's happy to boot
33:51the King's representative out of a historic residence.
33:54I do really think that's appropriate.
33:56The King booted Prince Andrew out of his historic residence.
33:58Yes, but the Governor hasn't been implicated, as far as I'm aware, in an underage sex trafficking
34:02scandal.
34:03You're just nitpicking now.
34:04And I don't have any other options.
34:05Oh, I'm going to have to work tomorrow now just to find a bloody cheer squad leader.
34:10You know, on top of all that, we are spending a lot of money.
34:13And there's no guarantee that this team, or stadium, will ever exist.
34:17How do we justify to Tasmanian taxpayers all of this premature infrastructure?
34:22Build it and they will come.
34:24To realise they might as well use it.
34:34Jameson, can you visit?
34:35I've got a minute.
34:37Are you able to come in and help Destiny tomorrow morning?
34:40Oh, I can't.
34:40I'm doing an escape room.
34:43Oh, you go into a room with a bunch of other people and try and solve problems in a set
34:47period of time.
34:48Right.
34:49So, nice change from work then?
34:50Yeah.
34:51Because the room's in complete darkness.
34:53Yeah, of course.
34:55Okay, well, I'll just give up my Saturday and drop in on the way back from the Government
34:59House.
35:00Oh.
35:02Not a word to Destiny.
35:04And look, forget what I said about keeping an eye on her.
35:07It might make me look creepy.
35:09Definitely.
35:10Definitely what?
35:11Definitely nothing about you.
35:13So, your parents are friends with the Governor?
35:15Are they completely loaded or something?
35:18Yeah.
35:19Mum inherited like $30 million.
35:20What?
35:21Oh, get fucked.
35:22Meanwhile, I'm living at home trying to save for a deposit on a mouldy old apartment.
35:26Well, I'm still living at home too.
35:27Yeah.
35:28Tough times.
35:29So, why are you even working?
35:32I think it's to prove that I got this job on Ability.
35:36I don't know.
35:37Ask Mum.
35:43I see what you mean.
35:44This is just beautiful.
35:46Yes, it's an absolute oasis in the city.
35:50I've been crunching some numbers.
35:51And it's very easy to see the economic value we'd add to this oasis through community sporting
35:57and health facilities, retail opportunities, and even some residential housing.
36:02Uh-huh.
36:03Compared to the cost of just maintaining you here.
36:08Right.
36:08And so, when we take this idea to the Premier, obviously it would have more cachet if you'd
36:12lent your support to the proposal.
36:14I'm sure you'd agree, Your Excellency.
36:15Clearly it would, yes.
36:16Terrific.
36:17So, that's a letter of support from you to sign, which we've drawn up for you.
36:21Oh, that's very thoughtful.
36:22Not at all.
36:23And, uh, I've also brought along a laser measure.
36:25Do you mind if I take a few measurements?
36:27Thanks.
36:38So, Cliff, no previous experience with cheer squads?
36:42No, not as such, but I do have plenty of experience dealing with organised groups of people that
36:46don't take shit from anyone.
36:49Yeah.
36:50I guess my first question would...
36:52Look, I'll come up with some graphics, you know, for the banner for the boys to run through.
36:56You know, just inspirational quotes.
36:58Oh, yeah?
36:58Yeah.
37:02Kill them.
37:04Joke.
37:06Oh.
37:08Yeah, I think I get it now.
37:10Right off the top, can I just clarify one matter?
37:13Are you a member of an outlaw motorcycle gang?
37:16No.
37:16No, no, no, no, no.
37:19Construction Union.
37:21Oh, that's all good then.
37:29Don't sweat this too much.
37:32I don't care who runs the cheer squad as long as they haven't got a criminal record.
37:35I mean, white collar crimes are right.
37:37I don't want to rule out anyone with a business background.
37:39So, shoplifting's a no, insider trading's a yes?
37:43I'm not a snob.
37:44It's just about skill sets.
37:46Hey, what do you think?
37:49Government house?
37:51Training and admin facility.
37:52I get a perfect view of training if my office goes there.
37:56In the governor's bedroom?
37:57Yeah.
37:59Seems appropriate, given what you're doing to her.
38:01Yeah.
38:13Hi, can I speak to Alicia Shewater, please?
38:15Ah!
38:16Hello?
38:18No, I'm freaking out.
38:19I'm freaking out.
38:20Get me out of here!
38:23Mornings with Libby Kitcher.
38:25And you could win two tickets to the Theatre Royal to see Clive and Friends, an evening
38:30of madrigals, poetry and conversation with Clive Palmer.
38:34And now to a story that is just breaking on social media in the last quarter of an hour
38:41this morning, with a report in the Mercury by Alicia Shewater that the great Southern
38:46Football Club wants to take over government house here in Hobart and the land surrounding
38:52it for their training and administration facility, and have attempted to bribe the governor,
38:57Meredith Crotty, with number one ticket holder status.
38:59And I can tell you our SMS hotline is going to melt down over this.
39:03We have a full board of calls.
39:05Sorry, thank you.
39:06And the first time is...
39:07Angela!
39:08Oh, don't worry.
39:09I've booked a call with Buckingham Palace.
39:10I'll be giving them some very bloody frank feedback.
39:13Hi, Angela.
39:14Hi.
39:14I mean, who the hell does she think she is?
39:16Who?
39:16The governor of Tasmania.
39:17Waking confidential discussions to the media and sabotaging Hugh's idea.
39:22This could be a constitutional issue.
39:24My idea?
39:24She's got no respect for the office obsolete parasite on the public purse that it is.
39:28What do you mean, my idea?
39:30You were the one who tried to bribe her.
39:31This idea was always going to create a shitstorm.
39:33That's why we needed to keep a lid on it until we got it over the line.
39:37It's a completely torch our brand down here if we can't hose it down.
39:40You need to put it back in a box.
39:41We want to issue a press release immediately.
39:43Oh, cool, Eric.
39:44Can I just suggest...
39:44Just get this down.
39:45Okay.
39:47You've gone quiet.
39:49I'm just admiring the synergy.
39:51The AFL is bitterly disappointed that a private conversation between its representatives and the representative of His Majesty the King
40:02has firstly made it out into the public and secondly been so comprehensively misunderstood.
40:08Are you getting this?
40:09Yeah, it's on speech-to-text.
40:11Just deleting our last exchange and that bit just then.
40:21The AFL has never had any desire to take over the grounds of Government House nor any desire to offer
40:28the number one ticket-holding position to Her Excellency, the Governor.
40:32No, something implying her mental acuity might be subpar.
40:36Oh, you can't say that.
40:39The AFL trusts and hopes that Her Excellency's confusion is an isolated incident.
40:46Thanks, Angela.
40:47Okay.
40:48We're not going to be in a position to announce the location for next week.
40:50Week's a long time in football, Hugh.
40:57What possesses these people to want to lead a cheer squad?
41:01This woman's a gynecologist, for God's sake.
41:03I'm not going to snoop on to you anymore.
41:05Or you.
41:06Sure.
41:07What?
41:08I don't want you to compromise your principles, but can you do whatever it takes to get one of your
41:12Government mates to lock in Kingston?
41:14Well, I can have a conversation.
41:15That'd be my starting point, yeah.
41:17As a priority, it would be good.
41:19Oh, Kingston's suddenly starting to look good now, isn't it?
41:21Wouldn't go that far.
41:22It really isn't that far.
41:28That press release is outrageous.
41:31It is borderline treasonous, and I demand that you retract it forthwith.
41:35I'm sorry, Your Excellency, but...
41:37You made a preposterous, ill-judged proposal, and now, to save face, you impugn a representative of the Crown by
41:46implying I am demented?
41:48Well, Your Excellency, if you think you can leak against the AFL, if you'll excuse the imagery, without any consequences,
41:55then you must be demented.
41:56I did not leak any details to anyone.
41:59Oh, all right, there we go.
42:00You have crossed the line, as even the AFL's half-assed video review system would show.
42:06At the risk of trying to bully a bully, you withdraw that statement and issue an apology, or I will
42:14bring the full weight of the Crown down on you in court.
42:17And we'll see if Jamison and Destiny share your memory of that meeting.
42:26You need to discredit her. Dismantle her integrity.
42:30The Governor.
42:31It's our brand or hers.
42:33Jesus, Alistair. Every time you come down here, you throw hand grenades everywhere, and then take off, leaving me in
42:38Destiny to mop up the rivers of blood.
42:40Ditch the mop and get a kayak.
42:47Land at Kingston, Premier, would be ideal for us.
42:51It would also take this tasteless government house idea off the table.
42:54Oh, sorry, Destiny, but we're about to announce that Football Tasmania have got Kingston.
42:58So isn't that us?
43:00Football Tasmania is soccer. You're football.
43:03You see, soccer is football, and football is football, but Football Tasmania is soccer.
43:10A much grander, major infrastructure project down that way would shore up your electoral position there, though, wouldn't it?
43:19No doubt.
43:19And that, theoretically, could involve the compulsory acquisition of soccer's parcel of land, couldn't it?
43:31So, as an ethical journalist, Alicia, if we accept that as a concept, I know that you would never divulge
43:38your sources.
43:39Of course.
43:40So, as an unnamed source, I can disclose to you that the Governor has today threatened me if I don't
43:47retract the press release about our meeting at Government House.
43:50Was this a threat of physical violence?
43:52Well, it could be interpreted a number of ways, but again, it does raise questions about her fitness for office.
44:05Catherine?
44:05I've been knocking for ages.
44:08Sorry to drop around unannounced.
44:10No, no. Thanks for coming.
44:12Can I come in for a minute?
44:14Definitely an inside conversation.
44:15It'd be a bit nicer.
44:16Yeah, we spend all day inside, though, don't we?
44:18Because it's warmer.
44:20It's a sensitive issue, anyway.
44:23Not worried my house could be bugged?
44:25Are you holding a freak-off in there?
44:28Come in.
44:32Just checking, I hadn't left any underpants lying around.
44:37So, Hugh, I was thinking, could we be better served politically?
44:44Without a doubt.
44:45I hadn't finished.
44:46Sorry.
44:47Could we be better served politically by retracting the statements in our press release about the Governor?
44:53Got a call on the Vice Regal bat phone, did you?
44:55Well, Meredith denies leaking that story to the Mercury, to Alicia Sheerwater, and by the way, I'd really like to
45:02know who did.
45:03Would Alicia tell you?
45:04I know you said she was a second-rate moron.
45:07No, no, that wasn't me.
45:08You said it a couple of days ago in your office.
45:10You called her a complete and utter...
45:13No, no, I didn't say Alicia.
45:15I said A-Lisa.
45:17What's her name?
45:18From Melbourne.
45:18I mean, really, Hugh.
45:19Implying the Governor should stand aside due to some neurological impairment is a bit rich.
45:25Because we employ Jamison, do you mean?
45:28What?
45:29Because she's the Governor.
45:31We're stuck with our story, though, aren't we?
45:33We can't admit to lying or we'd lose all credibility.
45:36So, we have to keep lying to maintain our credibility?
45:39Look, Alistair drafted it, so you need to take it up with him.
45:44Oh, you are entertaining someone.
45:48No, it's just we haven't gone public yet, so...
45:51I thought you were weirder than normal.
45:54Well, good for you.
45:55I'll get out of your hair.
45:56Yes, please.
46:00Hope it works out.
46:02Yeah, well, in early days, so...
46:03Oh, of course, but you know...
46:07You're too kind.
46:08Good night.
46:09Bye.
46:14When are we going public?
46:17No, I...
46:17I posted a story about the Governor's threats.
46:20Thank you, Alicia.
46:22Hey, do you remember the name of, uh, Lisa?
46:25Yeah, the second-rate moron.
46:30Um...
46:42And how was Mona?
46:44Fantastic.
46:45Hi.
46:46Hey.
46:47That wall of vaginas is interesting.
46:49Reminded me of being in a meeting with the club presidents.
46:53Well, cheers.
46:54Cheers.
46:55Cheers.
46:55Oh, yeah.
46:56Well done, everyone.
46:57Not only have we failed to secure our preferred TNA locations,
47:00today I learned Football Tasmania just snapped up our non-preferred site at Kingston.
47:05What?
47:06Here's fucking to you.
47:07Aren't we Football Tasmania?
47:09No, that's soccer.
47:10Are they allowed to use the word football?
47:12Good point.
47:12Look into that.
47:13I've actually just been speaking with the Premier,
47:15who's, um, advised that the government will, on our request,
47:21compulsorily acquire Football Tasmania's land for an infrastructure project that is yet to be conceived,
47:27before announcing several months later that the as-yet unknown project will not be proceeding,
47:33placing the parcel of land back on the market, allowing a favoured bidder to acquire it.
47:40What's happening?
47:42The Premier's shafting soccer.
47:43Cool.
47:44Well, I still think the location stinks, but in terms of screwing an opponent over,
47:48that's actually brilliant.
47:49Glad someone here understands the synergy between business and government.
47:53Great job, Destiny.
47:54You'll be eating salmon next.
47:57Excuse me.
47:59I just feel the need to wash my hands.
48:01Excuse me.
48:02I'm sorry to interrupt.
48:04I'm Pip.
48:05I spoke to you on Friday on the ABC in support of the stadium.
48:08Oh, yes.
48:08The voice of reason.
48:09Because there's no team without a stadium.
48:11That's exactly right, Pip.
48:12And you were saying how you hope to double the number of children playing AFL.
48:17That's right.
48:17Even more, if I can get there.
48:18I just wanted to point out that you can't play AFL.
48:22It's a competition and not a sport.
48:24What you play is Australian rules football.
48:27Right.
48:28Yes, well, thank you for that.
48:29Children don't go down to the basketball court to play NBL.
48:33No.
48:33And if they want to kick a soccer ball around, they don't say,
48:36oh, let's go and play some Bundesliga.
48:38Yes, all right.
48:38Or head down to the tennis court to play some Wimbledon.
48:41Yeah, that'd be ridiculous.
48:42So you get my point?
48:44I do.
48:52What?
48:56Hello there.
48:57For fuck's sake, Catherine.
48:58If I find out who has been lying about me making threats,
49:01I will destroy them.
49:03Now listen to me.
49:04Yes.
49:04Oh, God.
49:05Leave it with me, Meredith.
49:08Catherine.
49:09Good evening, team.
49:11I didn't know you were coming.
49:12Or invited.
49:13Alistair, would you like to move along a bit?
49:16No, he's fine.
49:18Hmm.
49:20Alistair, I'd like to avoid being taken to court
49:23by the Constitutional Monarch's representative.
49:25Can we smooth this over so neither party loses face?
49:29You lot just fold like a foreskin, don't you?
49:32She is threatening to call all four of us to attest to the conversation.
49:35Well, I don't think we have anything to worry about there.
49:37Jamison, did you hear me at any time ask the Governor to move out
49:41so the great Southern Football Club could take over Government House?
49:45Absolutely.
49:45I'll back you up on that 100%.
49:46She's also threatening not to approve any stadium legislation.
49:51Could you explain she's just an overpaid robber stamp?
49:53I may have omitted that.
49:55Draft or attraction?
50:02Can I get Alicia Sheawater's number off you?
50:04Oh, didn't she give it to you last night?
50:08Are we ready for some food?
50:09Is the club paying?
50:11Yes.
50:12In that case.
50:13I'll have a dozen ostriches naturales,
50:16the poppetta rafforno,
50:17the brachola di mialle with the verdura of a poro,
50:20and a bottle of the Amon Rousseau Claude de Roche Grand Croup,
50:25and one glass.
50:26Thank you, Mr. Penfold.
50:27Of course, you can have that meal on the condition
50:29that the AFL builds us a new commercial kitchen.
50:33There's no meal without the kitchen.
50:36Funny.
50:39Comedian.
50:39Funny.
50:41All right.
50:42Okay.
50:44Jake's still going.