00:00Happy Pride! Pride month is an incredible month where people all around the world
00:04celebrate the LGBTQ plus community with rainbows, parades, and parties. As a
00:10society we've come such a long way in accepting people of all identities and
00:14moving towards equality for all in both our culture and the law. But
00:18stereotyping and discrimination are still very real within the LGBTQ plus
00:23community. Today we're focusing on bisexuality as some people who identify
00:27is bi have felt the impact of those stereotypes. Where do these
00:31misconceptions come from and how can we put an end to them for good? Claire
00:36grew up in a very conservative small town but was able to explore sexuality when
00:40she left for college. Being a white cis able-bodied woman how do you feel like
00:46that has shaped your experience being bi? A lot of my turmoil with it was internal
00:52and it was a lot of growing up in a relatively conservative community and
00:56you know it was a lot of shame it was a lot of questioning it was a lot of
01:02dismissive you know answers you'll grow out of it. Do you feel like you have to
01:05come out to people a lot when you meet them that you have to say I'm bisexual?
01:09There was a point in time where I felt like I owed it to people but it was more
01:14of a normalizing it for myself so getting used to saying it you know over and over
01:19and it got to a point where my roommates were like we get it you like men and
01:22women you get twice as many dates as everyone else. How's it been going back to
01:26your small town of Oklahoma and having to re-establish or rebrand yourself to them?
01:32Unfortunately sometimes it takes knowing a member of a specific community to
01:37humanize it and to bring it to a personal level and all I can hope is that
01:41I do that for some of my family members and friends and make them see the
01:45humanity and the people of all of it. It's comforting to know that even if you
01:50don't think you have a community nearby at the end of the day acceptance really
01:54does come from yourself and that can be more validating than anything else.
01:58Luckily for Claire her family was pretty accepting of her sexuality but
02:02unfortunately that's not always the case. My friend Karina still struggles with
02:06conforming with who her family thinks she should be.
02:08A lot of my family and a lot of Latinx people don't really believe in
02:14bisexuality and if they do they definitely look down on it. People in my
02:19family will be like that's not a thing is it? Like how can that exist?
02:24How does that make you feel?
02:25It makes me laugh inside because I know that a lot of that is ignorance and a lot
02:30of that is them growing up in an environment where people don't come out of the
02:35closet. People don't express those parts of themselves.
02:39Do you ever feel like you're in limbo? Like you're in the middle of something?
02:42I think limbo at this point is part of my identity because I've always felt like
02:49I'm not gay enough. I'm not straight enough. I'm not Latina enough. I'm not woman enough.
02:55At some point you just gotta be like well this is me.
02:58After talking with Karina I realized that having any part of your identity
03:01question can be just as painful as being completely dismissed. Despite her
03:07confidence in who she is she still feels like that she has to prove to others
03:11that she's not exclusively attracted to men. And Karina isn't alone in that
03:15feeling. My friend Joe feels a particular pressure to conform simply
03:19because of his gender. When a man says that they're bisexual it's either they're
03:22like closeted or just like confused. Sometimes I've had a hard time saying to
03:29a woman that I like that I'm bisexual because like I'm really afraid that that's
03:32gonna be a turnoff. Do you feel like LGBTQ groups aren't as accepting as bi men?
03:38People in general just want things to be black or white and that definitely is with
03:43like queer people too. Like if someone's just like gay or lesbian or trans it's
03:49like awesome like live your truth. And then if you're like bi it's like oh like
03:55you're just curious and you're just like wanting to dabble your feet into this pool
04:03of queerness but like you're not actually one of us or something like that.
04:08Like do you often talk about, do you often come out a lot? Do you like when you're on a
04:12date
04:12with someone or with your friends do you talk about being bi?
04:15Yeah it's like the stigma of bisexuality by like saying I'm bi I feel like other
04:20people are like thinking okay like he's not gonna accept that he's gay.
04:23It's like that stigma of bisexuality like particularly in men that like prevents me
04:29from like saying this thing.
04:32What would you say to someone who's grappling with their identity as a bi male
04:35and like doesn't really know how to like accept themselves or come out with their
04:38friends or family?
04:39Like why would you like spend your whole life trapped in fear of what other people
04:44think about you?
04:45Joe's struggle is not uncommon and demonstrates how important it is to have adequate
04:50communities and support systems for those that identify as bisexual.
04:54My friend Gabby grew up in a conservative black religious household.
04:57She took the initiative to use the internet as a resource to explore and educate herself
05:02about her sexuality.
05:03A key feature of people who are realizing they're bisexual is that they are they're always teetering
05:09between am I gay or am I straight?
05:11I guess the first thing that I thought was maybe I'm a lesbian so I looked that up and
05:15like the first thing that comes up is porn that's it.
05:17It's just like XXX lesbian bang bus so that was unfortunate because it also made me feel
05:24like my identity was like something dirty I guess.
05:26At what point do you then talk to your parents about it or your friends or your family?
05:33A long time.
05:35My mom was more the one who was like mourning I guess her image of what I was going to
05:39be.
05:39So she was mourning this picture of a wedding that was going to have a guy and she had to
05:42keep bringing it up versus my dad was kind of like it means I don't have to worry about
05:46guys then that's kind of cool.
05:47Even though he still does like I think they're just they don't know enough about it to get
05:52it.
05:52Do you feel like you're more accepted within the straight community or within the LGBTQ plus
05:58community?
05:58Acceptance is really complicated so I don't think that there's even a way to compare because
06:03there are just differences in the ways each community treats me.
06:07So with straight people I mean there's still that like disbelief.
06:10There's this idea that it's a phase and that'll like come back to the straight side eventually.
06:15A lot of like LGBTQ activism is about being born this way and bisexual people often just
06:20go against that narrative.
06:21So what would you say to someone who's young and who's grappling with this and doesn't
06:25have maybe a therapist, doesn't even have the vocabulary to understand their sexuality,
06:29what would you say to them?
06:31Sexuality is about your potential for attraction.
06:32Not your actual like lived experiences with other people.
06:37You don't have to collect all those experiences for it to count.
06:39Gabby worked hard to unlearn the conventional narratives of what it means to be a woman in
06:44modern day society.
06:45She grew to embrace her bisexual identity and now amplifies her experience with her work
06:50as a sex and relationships writer.
06:52Bisexuality still remains an overlooked and often misunderstood letter in the LGBTQ plus acronym.
06:58When people don't take others identity seriously, they devalue a core part of them.
07:02The more we discriminate and dismiss, the more we isolate and dehumanize our bi-peers.
07:07We are all human beings and no one should be boxed in by who they're attracted to.
07:12It's absolutely vital for us to take the time to understand bisexuality and to also unlearn
07:17the conventional labels that limit our perspectives.
07:20Thank you guys so much for watching.
07:22I'll see you next time.
