00:00Oh, look at that!
00:01Oh my goodness!
00:02So cute!
00:04Perfectly wrapped!
00:06Who's that?
00:07Let's see.
00:08Awww!
00:10I know!
00:12It's beautiful!
00:14Adorable!
00:16On my own, at Chelsea's baby shower,
00:21I can't believe I'm stuck here for four hours.
00:26I love my friend, a stellar mom she'll be.
00:32Their lives seem awesome, at least compared to me.
00:37Can we eat these?
00:38No, I won't eat them.
00:39They're babies, nice homes and yoga training.
00:44They're right on track, not looking back,
00:46and I don't own a TV.
00:51Because nowadays, you don't even need one.
00:53Because if you have a laptop, TVs are too expensive,
00:56and I don't have any money.
00:59I'll get some.
01:01Spelman, what are you talking about?
01:03Excuse me!
01:04Pardon me!
01:05Oh!
01:06Girl, I get it.
01:07You are just experiencing the existential crisis
01:11of falling victim to societal pressures.
01:16I'm the truth fairy, I bring the facts.
01:20Truth is baby showers make lots of women feel whack.
01:23Nobody's life is as perfect as it seems.
01:26You're not the only one having panic attacks.
01:33She's got major debt, kleptomaniac, a stalker.
01:36She's having an affair with her Brazilian dog, Walker.
01:40She just pooped her pants, addicted to porn.
01:43Her husband lost his job, and he loves the band Korn.
01:46She's dying in her Jimmy Choo shoes,
01:49but no one's judging the shoes that you choose.
01:52You might be a sad sack, but a husband and a baby won't change that.
01:58Each and every one of us is lost in this crazy maze of life.
02:03But they have kids, and I have cats.
02:06It does cause mental strife.
02:08We all feel alone, and we think that we're behind.
02:14Is there any more champagne?
02:15I need to drink myself blind.
02:18I'm cheating on my husband.
02:20My body's on my own.
02:21My nipples look like plates.
02:23I pretend I'm 22 when I go on Tinder dates.
02:25I've got acid cream flux.
02:27Won't ask me since.
02:28We all have the pay your taxes and take shit.
02:31I slept with my cousin.
02:34I think that we can all agree.
02:37I've got sure we ever want kids, and that's okay.
02:40Baby showers can be intense.
02:42You should never feel alone.
02:45It's my shower, and I can't even drink.
02:48I'm bored.
02:49Let's fail.
02:50Let's end this game.
02:52Please!
02:58Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:01What is going on here?
03:05Your grandmamma traveled 270 miles just to be here for your baby shower.
03:12Oh, I'm so sorry.
03:12You're right, Debbie. And you miss know-it-all.
03:14Sorry, Ms. Pemmerichette.
03:15And you miss all about me.
03:17You want my gorgeous daughter-in-law to be paying for her own luxury shit rags?
03:22Let's just stick to the original message.
03:25Societal expectations should interact the way you live your life.
03:30So let's keep our hands high.
03:41And don't forget, send a thank you, though!
03:46AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
