- 12 minutes ago
James explores the sunny shores of Sicily where cultures collide under Mount Etna's shadow. He experiences timeless pleasures - chopping statue bits, canoe polo, bagpipes.
詹姆斯的旅程始于西西里岛阳光明媚的海岸——这是一座引人入胜的岛屿，千百年来一直是各方争夺的焦点。在埃特纳火山的阴影下，多种文化在此交汇碰撞；詹姆斯在这里探索了那些代代相传、简单而纯粹的乐趣，例如：从雕像上敲下碎片、进行独木舟水球运动，以及吹奏风笛。
詹姆斯的旅程始于西西里岛阳光明媚的海岸——这是一座引人入胜的岛屿，千百年来一直是各方争夺的焦点。在埃特纳火山的阴影下，多种文化在此交汇碰撞；詹姆斯在这里探索了那些代代相传、简单而纯粹的乐趣，例如：从雕像上敲下碎片、进行独木舟水球运动，以及吹奏风笛。
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TVTranscript
00:12That's closure.
00:15Now for season two.
00:31Hello, viewers. Or should I say, buongiorno, with a little wave of the hand like that, because
00:37that is supposedly what they do around here. Yes, I am in Italy. And I bet when I say that
00:42none of you go, OMG, why has he gone to that hellhole? Because no one has ever said that
00:47about Italy. Italy is generally regarded as having the most enviable lifestyle on the
00:53planet. Now, there are many cliches and stereotypes about Italy and the Italians, apart from the
00:59one about waving your arms around a lot. Chief amongst them, though, must be the belief in
01:03la dolce vita, the sweet life, the pursuit and embrace of simple pleasures as the bedrock
01:09for human fulfilment. Now, does la dolce vita really exist? And more importantly, if it does,
01:17can a shabby and slightly uptight Englishman achieve it? Well, as I'm sure they must say
01:24on Italian television, Scopriamolo. Right, you can go to that cheesy pre-title bit now.
01:37Anyone can make a travelogue with the right ingredients.
01:41How's my helmet?
01:42A dash of jaunty music.
01:47A bit of national dress.
01:49Have you ever before painted someone dressed up like a burke?
01:53And a presenter who knows his culo from his elbow.
01:56It doesn't amaze you, but it would have amazed you if you'd been here then.
02:04What do we know about Italy?
02:09Yes, the hand gestures, also fashionistas, fast cars, kicking balls and every carbohydrate
02:17under the sun. Nothing can stop pizza. But I'm going a bit deeper.
02:25Exploring vast rural expanses.
02:27I'm knackered now and I can't speak.
02:29And fast-paced cities.
02:34Perfect.
02:35In a bid to uncover...
02:37This is cheese.
02:39A country of contrast.
02:41But I actually can't see through this.
02:43Some old bits, some new bits.
02:46This is the place you should come to if you want to know what's happening with robots.
02:52The passionate.
02:56The musical.
03:01And the dramatic.
03:05Where size does matter.
03:08Absolutely massive.
03:10And nothing is left to the imaginazione.
03:13That one's got a deformed penis.
03:16So, join me as I fiddle through the inferno.
03:20That was epic.
03:21Still in peak condition.
03:23Bollocks.
03:24Travelling from sun-drenched Sicily, up through the boot, to the icy north.
03:30It's absolutely gorgeous.
03:32A British sophisticate.
03:34All over my trousers, all over the poop deck.
03:37Seeking enlightenment.
03:38Let me shoot glass.
03:40And risking his life.
03:42Some bloke kept whipping me with a stick, going, ooh.
03:45So that you don't have to.
03:48I hope that was as enjoyable for you to watch as it was for me to experience.
03:52But I bet it wasn't.
03:55And...
04:16Now I'd like to talk to you for a little bit about my car for this adventure, which is, you
04:20will have spotted by now, a Fiat Panda.
04:22Not a Cinquecento and not a Ferrari or a Maserati.
04:26No, it's a Fiat Panda because the Panda is excellent and it is simply part of the dust of Italy.
04:35I have two principal objectives for this trip.
04:37The first is to see if I can arrive at a sort of ten commandments of being Italian and living
04:44this dolce vita.
04:46But I know one already.
04:48Do not drink a cappuccino after 11am.
04:50That is considered very bad form.
04:57My other objective is to not become fat.
05:03As you may have guessed from this handy map, we're starting in Sicily, known for its lemons, the mafia and
05:11the Sicilian defence in chess.
05:14Our first port of call is the capital, Palermo.
05:19And with over 250 days of sun a year, Sicily is an absolute gift for TV and film-makers.
05:34I do not have an umbrella.
05:40I do not have an umbrella.
05:41This is the weather today.
05:42Today I was going to go into town and meet my guide, Claudia.
05:46But we've sort of postponed it because the impression I get, again, this may be a cliché, Sicily, because it's
05:52an outdoor society, is not equipped for rain.
05:55Plus, of course, there will be no Italian men out because they'll be worried about their hair and I understand
06:00that.
06:01Still, with over 250 days of sunshine a year, statistically, the next day should be Palermo's city centre.
06:12It was the crossroads of the ancient world.
06:15It's also the crossroads of the modern one.
06:18And no, not everyone here is a mobster.
06:21Certainly not this one.
06:22Today I am joined by Claudia, who will be my guide for Sicily.
06:28I'm already waving my arms around a lot.
06:30Al vostro servizio.
06:32I'm at your service.
06:34No, I'm at your service.
06:40Over the centuries, every civilisation and its dog has had a bash at Palermo.
06:44From the ancient Greeks, to the Vikings, the Normans, to the Moors, the butchers, the bakers, the mosaici makers, even
06:52the Italians.
06:53This is the famous church of Martorani.
06:56Through the centuries, who restored the church decided to add the architectural style of the era.
07:04I would say that that end looks Islamic.
07:08That doorway is definitely newer, about 17th century, maybe.
07:12This is the most celebrated church and it became the symbol of Palermo.
07:18Originally built in the 12th century, this architectural smorgasbord houses some incredible Byzantine artwork.
07:27But it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a film crew to
07:31observe silence in a functioning church.
07:34So, Claudia and I are going gonzo.
07:37So, we'll have to get a selfie stick and film it with the iPhone, other phones are available.
07:43Great idea.
07:44Okay, but there will be a selfie stick on this stall here, I'm absolutely sure of it.
07:47I'll give you a million pounds if she hasn't got one by the time we get there.
07:49Okay, let's do it.
07:53Ah, here.
07:55Oh, grazie Mila.
07:57Grazie.
08:00Fantastico.
08:02Presenting I Mosaichi di Matorama, an original production.
08:09It's absolutely incredible.
08:10Just the colours are amazing.
08:16Oh, that is superb.
08:19And Christ actually is on high because he's at the highest point of the church and looking down on you.
08:25It's all full of Greek inscriptions.
08:31Jesus gets in a lot of appearances in here, doesn't he?
08:35It's a good job he didn't have an agent.
08:38I bet my camera work's terrible.
08:42I think we're going to get thrown out in a minute.
08:50Once reunited with our crew of supposed professionals, the next stop is the city's anarchic heart.
08:58We are in the famous Piazza Pretoria, Pretoria Square.
09:03The square. It's also called square of shame because of the shameful expenses the government
09:10afforded to bring the fountain from Florence to Palermo. Sadly, it became a symbol of the bad government.
09:20And that's not the only reason for its name.
09:23That one's got a deformed penis.
09:27Because the nuns were offended by the naked statues.
09:31This is why probably they cut arms and parts of their body.
09:35Oh, that explains why his old chap's in a bit of a state.
09:39Yeah, yeah.
09:40And why have they not put her arms off? Arms aren't defensive.
09:43Probably because they were gesturing like that.
09:46Oh.
09:47Yeah, so...
09:48The sisters chiselled her nipples off as well.
09:51So did Michelangelo give David a very small penis so that nuns in the next artistic era
09:57would not be offended by him?
10:05Right, that's culture ticked off. Now we can relax.
10:11Today, Claudia and I are going fishing because that's what you do when you're on holiday.
10:15Actually, we probably shouldn't say when you're on holiday.
10:17That's what you do when you are uncovering the secrets of a really rather complex history
10:23of an island, Sicily, much of whose fortune is based on fishing.
10:28That's why we're going fishing.
10:33This is Xhaka, one of the biggest fishing ports in Sicily.
10:37Matteo.
10:38Our host for our research trip is Matteo.
10:43OK.
10:44Grazie.
10:45Perfect.
10:45OK.
10:47That was a bit uncool.
10:48Clear aft.
10:51So, it's time to set sail on Sicily's bountiful and surprisingly turbulent waters.
10:59Since I once hosted an unsuccessful cooking show, I plan to knock up a spot of lunch with our catch.
11:06A situation update. It's quite choppy.
11:12OK, let's throw some bait.
11:14Are you on this?
11:15This is like a shrimp.
11:17It's delicious.
11:18And I...
11:18Do I eat it?
11:19No, no, no, please.
11:20Il manjo.
11:23Here comes the big one.
11:25OK.
11:26Despite the increased risk of sleeping with the fishes...
11:30I hope I don't just stick it in my finger.
11:33I hope I don't just stick it in my finger.
11:33We bait our hooks and our breath.
11:35Where did it go?
11:36Il pesci is on the linea.
11:38When it goes zzzz.
11:41Now there's nothing to do but wait for something to tug on my rod.
11:50Meanwhile, back on terra firma, the locals are rustling up a couple of side dishes to accompany my fishy centerpiece.
12:01Now this just in, Matteo seemed to have caught something because his rod was bending, but apparently he's caught a
12:06rock.
12:08So we've caught the planet Earth from our fishing boat so far.
12:12Not sure that'll fit on the grill.
12:17Then, by a miracle for once not manufactured by television...
12:21This way.
12:22Fishing, fishing.
12:23There, there.
12:24Fish, fish, fish.
12:27Am I turning it the right way?
12:29He's gone over there somewhere.
12:32Cool, this is a big fish.
12:34Yeah, it's big fish, big fish.
12:35It's a battle worthy of Hemingway, Melville or J.R. Hartley.
12:40It's a proper fish.
12:45Amberjack?
12:48Is that big enough to eat?
12:50Yes, it's a portion.
12:51We need ten of these.
12:54One down, nine to go.
13:05Oh, it's really heavy.
13:08It's a bit heavy.
13:09The locals are already lining up in rapturous and ravenous anticipation.
13:14Catch is in.
13:18Come and behold the fruit of the fecund ocean.
13:21Frans, fish.
13:23Beautiful fish!
13:25What a beautiful!
13:27Beautiful!
13:27Here we have to eat for all the boys.
13:29It's very hot.
13:31It's very hot.
13:32It's also golden.
13:34Yes.
13:34It's very hot.
13:36It's a beast.
13:36It's a beast.
13:38It's a beast.
13:39It's a beast.
13:39It's a beast.
13:40Beautiful, beautiful.
13:43Beautiful, beautiful.
13:44Beautiful, beautiful.
13:46Well done.
13:49Bravo, bravo!
13:53Apparently, one pesky peshe has sparked quite the celebration.
14:02Here comes our fish.
14:03Here's the fish.
14:09Everybody has to have a small piece.
14:18I don't know if it's all this fresh air or that busker on the mandolin in the background,
14:24but this certainly feels like La Dolce Vita to me.
14:30I am absolutely amazed at how my very piccolo pesche has turned into this enormous feast.
14:37Something very biblical about that.
14:39And look at all these new friends I've made.
14:41I am truly a fisher of men.
14:45I am truly a fisher of men.
14:45With our bellies pleasantly full, it's time to depart.
14:49Or so I thought.
14:51I don't know, is this the pasticles?
14:56There might be a massive steak after this, for all I know.
15:01Actually, there was no massive steak.
15:04There was, however, some ham.
15:12It's all the words.
15:18Actually, I need to have a bit of a word with you about the threat of Italian lunch.
15:24In Sicily, we have the obsession of food.
15:26We love to share with friends and to show them our generosity and our hospitality.
15:34So, if that happens every day, we'll be the size of fear pandas, each one of us.
15:44So far, that's religion, culture, sport, cookery and a warning about incipient obesity.
15:53The next thing to try, you've probably already guessed, is a state agency.
15:59Hello, viewers.
16:00Fancy finding you up here, right at the top of the Castello Manfredonico in the
16:04commune di Mussomeli, once one of the wealthiest regions of Sicily.
16:09I'd like to read to you from the handy English information sheet that you get when you arrive.
16:13It's rather lovely, actually.
16:15The architectural completeness melts with the rock, thus the work of man blooms spontaneously.
16:24Good, isn't it?
16:25I might try blooming a bit more spontaneously myself.
16:28The castle today, as you can probably see, is a little bit on the tatty side.
16:35Wait till you see the rest of the town.
16:44A thriving and wealthy town in the 16th century,
16:48Mussomeli is now home to only a few thousand people, none of whom you can see here.
16:55Depopulation reached crisis point in the 80s, when locals were even prepared to move to Surrey,
17:01in England. So the mayor came up with a plan.
17:13This is Chinzia. She is the local estate agent for the historic town centre,
17:18and she's going to show me this house, which is currently on the market, for one euro.
17:26One euro.
17:34Wow, look at that.
17:36Now, if I was a British estate agent, I would say that this is an ideal first-time property,
17:43with numerous period features, in need of sympathetic renovation, i.e. a bit of a crap hole.
17:49But it is a complete house. It has a roof. It has services. They're not turned on,
17:53so there's no water or electricity, which is why we're using the torches. But they're all here.
17:58Actually, there's a really spooky sort of medieval bit back here. Look at this.
18:01Well, it's good because you're shining the torch like it's blown away to me.
18:05What do you mean?
18:08Oh!
18:10Well, that's quite light. Some of the wiring looks a bit dodgy, but
18:14it's no worse than the Alfa Romeo 155, to be honest.
18:18This is very nice. I mean, whichever way you look at it, it's a lot for a euro.
18:24Sounds like an offer I can't refuse.
18:26Forse perché proprio un euro risuona molto che attrae il costo di un caffè.
18:33What's the catch?
18:35Chinseer explains that although the house costs one euro, the new owner must restore the outside
18:41to an agreed standard within three years, or face a five grand penalty. But what's in it for her?
18:47It occurs to me that the estate agent's commission on one euro is pretty feeble.
18:52That's about 0.01 of the euro cents.
18:58How can you possibly make a living? Sorry, excuse you, but if we can,
19:02because we've been hearing this, some of these keys are from about 1850.
19:07It costs more than the house.
19:09This is your property empire. It could be worth as much as 30 euros.
19:16It's an import fix.
19:17It's an import fix.
19:18Yes, the percentage of 490 euro per immobile.
19:24But Dan, you were talking about how much you would like to buy a house around here.
19:27Well, for one euro, it's cheaper than nothing.
19:30It can't just be one euro.
19:31No, there is a little bit more involved, but here's the euro in any case.
19:35Who do I give it to?
19:37Chinseer?
19:38We'll take your euro.
19:39I'll take this house.
19:40You have actually bought it.
19:41I don't know how it's done.
19:43It's done.
19:44Yeah.
19:45You have to pay 490 euros commission, I'm afraid, to Chinseer, and you owe me a euro.
19:52But you do have a house.
19:53I'll give you some.
19:54OK.
19:55Doppio espresso?
19:57It's that or a semi-detached bungalow.
20:01While Dan busied himself arranging a Baisalette mortgage to pay me back my euro,
20:06I went for a contemplative spin.
20:09The funny thing about that town is it is the one euro town.
20:13So after we'd looked at the houses, we went off and we had a quick slice of pizza,
20:16and a big slice of pizza was a euro, and an espresso was a euro.
20:21Everything in the town is a euro.
20:23So it's either a very, very cheap house, or in reality, the euro was about 1.2 million pounds.
20:32Now, viewers, we're 20 minutes into this episode, and I haven't really embarrassed myself yet.
20:40This looks like an opportunity.
20:44This is Chihuahua in the historical centre of Palermo, and, as you might have already guessed,
20:49it's known for its live Afro beat scene.
20:53I like the sound of this place already.
20:59Hang on.
21:01There, there.
21:05Yeah, the driving is a little bit random.
21:07But think about our preconceptions of Sicily.
21:09They're all based on things like films about the origins of the Mafia as well,
21:14but it's not, it's this.
21:15It's perfectly modern and multi-culty, and it has
21:18una birra, tre birra, and somewhere over there is Claudia, I think.
21:23If I go and meet her, find her, we can have, spend the rest of the evening, hours, doing this.
21:34Do you know where she is?
21:38Ah, there she is, blissfully unaware that it's time for some fascinating geopolitical context.
21:47Sicily is the stepping stone between Africa and Europe,
21:50and has a famously welcoming attitude to African immigration,
21:54providing they bring their own instruments.
21:59But please don't worry that the old English bloke with the hips from Thunderbirds
22:04is going to join in the dancing.
22:11Mind you, the company's good.
22:14And the local Sicilian beer is excellent.
22:18There's only one way I could ruin this perfect moment.
22:24Seeing where this scene was heading, director Tom rushed in some locals to act as a human shield.
22:29Like, you can see here.
22:46Spircente! It won't happen again.
22:51Hey map fans, guess what?
22:55Yes, we're leaving the west of Sicily and heading east through the island's mid-riff
23:00to Sicily's second largest city, where I'm going to talk complete bollocks.
23:06Welcome to Catania, where you join me in Piazza Duomo,
23:10where we are going to address the elephant in the square, Liotro.
23:15He's very old. He is believed to have come from ancient Rome,
23:18and he is, of course, the symbol of the city.
23:20He's in shop signs, the logos of sports clubs, shields.
23:24You can buy a little lucky trinket of Liotro from the street sellers who are wandering around here.
23:29But now we arrive at some confusion, because I believed, talking to the locals,
23:33that somehow his testicles had been removed out of modesty.
23:37But this turns out probably not to be true, because elsewhere in the town,
23:40there is a statue of a horse whose testicles were removed
23:44because they offended St Agatha, the patron saint of Sicily.
23:48She's up there in the Duomo on the day of her feast.
23:53And then later, his boys were put back on again.
23:56But that does at least allow me to talk about St Agatha,
23:59who was martyred in the middle of the 3rd century.
24:01She was stretched on the rack, torn apart with hooks,
24:04and her breasts were removed with pincers.
24:06But as a result of that, the locals remember her with these faintly ridiculous breast-inspired sticky buns.
24:15So, to recap, the elephant still has his balls.
24:19The horse lost his balls, but got them back again later.
24:23St Agatha is long dead, but at least we get a funny nipple cake to celebrate her.
24:27And I hope that's all clear, because now I'm going to go and buy a hat.
24:34I'm really sorry.
24:35I've just learned from someone over in the cafe
24:37that apparently the horse's plumb sack wasn't removed.
24:40It was merely covered up for fear of offending St Agatha during her feast day.
24:44Everything else I said, though, is broadly correct.
24:48God, this is disgusting.
24:53Anyway, time to make a St Agatha bun of myself in the next scene.
25:01Now, obviously, another Italian cliché is that they all dress impeccably.
25:07So, in a bid to shake off my scruffy yet uptight Englishness and impress Claudia,
25:12I'm going to attempt fashion.
25:15Now, in Italy, the word for a hat in general is a cappello.
25:20But in Sicily, they have a specific type of hat, a flat cap,
25:24which is called, wait for it, a copola.
25:27It's the traditional hat of Sicily, supposedly.
25:30So, let's go in and see if we can find one big enough for my simply gigantic head.
25:49Very big hand, so big brains.
25:51Exactly, yes.
25:55Hey.
25:57Hey.
25:59Va bene?
26:01Your eyes are perfect.
26:02Molto gentile.
26:04Grazie.
26:06If you get the angle right, you don't want to wear it like that.
26:08That just knocks 50 off your IQ immediately, doesn't it?
26:11It's fashionable.
26:14Grazie, I will take it.
26:19Armed with my coppola and my magical disappearing bag,
26:24it's time to see what Claudia thinks.
26:34Buonasera.
26:40Buonasera.
26:44Probabilmente, no.
26:47Cussy, cussy.
26:48Cussy, cussy.
26:49What's cussy, cussy?
26:50Cussy, cussy.
26:51So-and-so.
26:52So-so.
26:53It's perfect with the colour of your eyes.
26:57But...
26:57That's OK.
26:58It's fine.
26:58If you don't like it, you don't like it.
27:00Now I know.
27:02Wow.
27:04She must really hate my eyes.
27:08I was particularly disappointed that Claudia,
27:11of whom I'd grown extremely fond,
27:14was so dismissive of my coppola.
27:18But I sort of get where she's coming from.
27:19This is a problem I've alluded to many times in the past.
27:22Expensive clothes, cheap clothes, second-hand clothes,
27:25it doesn't really make any difference with me.
27:26That, in the window of a shop, looks quite stylish.
27:32It's interesting.
27:33It's an interesting pattern.
27:36It would probably look good on you, lots of other people,
27:38many members of our crew, men and women.
27:40You put it on my head...
27:45..and it looks crap.
27:51After that crushing disappointment,
27:53it's time to lift my spirits.
27:55I'm now heading for a Sicilian landmark
27:57that I should be able to find without the sat-nav
28:00or even a paper map.
28:02I should be able to find it by looking out of the window.
28:05It's quite big, sort of triangular in shape,
28:07but with a bit missing from the top.
28:13I need my Canadian jacket for this, and, ironically, a hat.
28:18Buongiorno.
28:19Today we are three-quarters of the way up Mount Etna,
28:23Europe's most active volcano,
28:25and that might sound pretty daring,
28:26but actually, if you look over here,
28:29look, snack bars, competing excursions to the summit.
28:33It is a fantastic mountain.
28:35It was the Forge of the Gods.
28:37It looms very large in the conscience of the people of Sicily,
28:40especially in Catania and Messina,
28:42because every now and then, February 2021, for example,
28:46it dumps a huge pile of volcanic ash
28:48all over streets and rooftops and cars,
28:50and last time it cost half a million euros to sweep it up.
28:54Anyway, we're going to go with some scientists
28:56all the way or almost all the way to the summit and the crater,
29:00and it's perfectly safe, unless it blows up.
29:14Etna's been erupting on and off since 475 BCE.
29:21Well, presumably since before then, but no-one bothered to write it down.
29:27So, this is Giuseppe, who's one of our volcanologists.
29:32And what happens if it goes off?
29:36Recently, it's making an eruption every month.
29:39So, in principle, we are close.
29:41OK, we're due one, chaps.
29:43I should have explained, actually, that the crew is in the back of the car
29:46for obvious reasons.
29:47They're being remarkably quiet.
29:49Usually, when they're in a car together,
29:50it's just an absolute solid wall of moaning.
29:57I have to say, it is looking a bit smoky, though.
30:02So, the molten bit of the earth is a part of the Big Bang
30:06that's still going on, in effect, is it?
30:10And then, as we continue our ascent
30:12into what appears to be the land that time forgot,
30:15the crew helpfully pipes up.
30:19Can you still see the road up?
30:23I can see that it's a very long way down on the right,
30:26so I would advise not looking that way.
30:29In fact, I wish I hadn't.
30:33But we're still going up.
30:35We still can't see anything.
30:39Finally, we arrive at the main crater.
30:47Where it's actually not smoke at all,
30:49just freezing fog.
30:53Even though I can't feel my face,
30:56I summon my professionalism.
30:58So, finally, here we are, viewers,
31:00within a few dozen metres
31:02of the gaping main crater of Etna.
31:06Silent, sleeping.
31:08But we know, despite the research
31:11and the reassurances of the scientists,
31:13that at any moment that could explode
31:15with an enormous crash,
31:17causing the mayor of Catania to stop in whatever he's doing
31:20and turn around and say,
31:21as the mayor of Pompeii must have done once,
31:24what the bloody hell was that?
31:26Moments before being consumed by the flow of lava,
31:30the molten core of the earth,
31:32wreaking its revenge on the civilisation for its arrogance.
31:36Just remember that.
31:38Lunch?
31:45Actually, I need to explain this to the viewers
31:47so that they don't think we're complete idiots,
31:49but our original plan was that we'd come up here,
31:52we'd be able to do a few simple experiments
31:53and we'd be able to fly a drone over the crater
31:56and actually look down into a volcano,
31:59which would have been quite remarkable.
32:01Here is some library footage.
32:12As a consolation prize for seeing the square root of Buggerall,
32:16Giuseppe gives me a whistle-stop tour of the office.
32:20Is this some sort of volcano DEFCON?
32:23Yeah, sometimes.
32:26Turns out that as well as being a volcanologist,
32:29Giuseppe is also a keen baker.
32:32When the cake is cooking, it inflates.
32:35Yes.
32:36So when the magma is coming up,
32:38the summit of the volcano inflates.
32:40When the eruption starts, it starts to deflate.
32:43Yes.
32:44Like a cake.
32:46The team monitor how well Etna is baking
32:49with 150 sensors based in and around the crater.
32:53Do you ever wake up at night thinking,
32:56shit, there's a massive volcano just down the road?
32:59Italy is a leader in the world for monitoring active volcanoes.
33:03Okay.
33:03Because anyway, you can sit enjoying a glass of wine and watching the eruption.
33:11Exactly.
33:11In a sweet life, don't change.
33:13Watching the eruption.
33:15So there's our second Italian rule.
33:16We've arrived at one.
33:17No cappuccino after 11am.
33:20Live near a volcano and just have a glass of wine.
33:23Yes.
33:24That's excellent advice.
33:26Ironically, Etna blew off a week later
33:29and Giuseppe has been molto squiffoso ever since.
33:34Which gives me a rather convenient segue.
33:39I didn't actually appreciate this, but the slopes of Etna are ideal terroir for making wine.
33:52Now, interestingly, in 2001, Sicilian wine, particularly the wines grown on the slopes of Etna, were given global prominence when
34:02a vineyard was bought by Mick Hucknell, his Cantato vineyard.
34:08You know, once he was the front man of a very successful international rock band and now he simply makes
34:16red.
34:22I'm afraid that's all the Simply Red we can afford because, well, money's too tight to mention.
34:29Anyway, today's bacchanalian bonanza is at Barone di Villa Grande, within spewing distance of Etna.
34:38Buongiorno.
34:39Buongiorno.
34:40Buongiorno.
34:41Run by Marco, a 10th generation winemaker, and his partner in vine, Alfonso.
34:48Are people surprised that vines grow on a volcano?
34:51Oh, yes.
34:52The soil of the volcano is really special.
34:55It was created by lava eruptions, so eruption on eruption.
35:01But today the soil is very rich and the grape is in the perfect state of maturity now.
35:08Italy leads the world in wine production and is home to more than 500 varieties of grapes, over 50 of
35:15which are indigenous to Sicily.
35:17More importantly...
35:19What happened to Mick Hucknell's vineyard?
35:21It's been sold.
35:22Oh, really?
35:23Yes.
35:23Oh.
35:25That's a shame.
35:26Probably means I'll never, never, never know him.
35:29Anyway.
35:33You join us at a very exciting time.
35:36Claudia and I are about to take part in the harvest.
35:39How many crepes would you pick in a day?
35:40About 80.
35:4280 in a day.
35:43So you have a lot of work to do.
35:45The vineyard staff conveniently have the afternoon off.
35:49So Claudia and I have to do a full shift before we can enjoy the fruits of our labours.
35:55But let's just imagine we've been hard at work picking grapes.
35:58Right, that'll do.
36:01And cut straight to the drinking.
36:05Bingo.
36:06Or as the Italians say, bingo.
36:10This is an Italian wine tasting.
36:12I'm always amazed that these work on television because the only thing you can appreciate about the wine is what
36:17colour it is,
36:18which is generally white or red or possibly pink.
36:23We will also have some food because we are in Italy and we are stationary, therefore we must be fed.
36:27That is the rules.
36:29So we can move on to the first wine.
36:31The Salina Bianco.
36:33This wine is a floral and intense taste, especially in the aroma.
36:38Slightly mineral, not too acidic.
36:40Very nice.
36:41For this wine is a caramelised onion with dried figs and walnuts.
36:48Are you going to try that?
36:50No.
36:51I don't like onions.
36:53You don't like onions?
36:55Yeah.
36:56Salute.
36:56Prego.
36:57Buono.
36:59Mm-hmm.
37:00Now, viewers, I realise that I'm being incredibly indulgent here, quaffing fine wines like this one, which, for the benefit
37:08of you at home, is pink.
37:10The underlying flavour is like very ripe fruit.
37:14Followed by Sicilian delicacies that you can't taste.
37:18Pumpkin millefoyer.
37:20Pumpkin millefoyer.
37:20Millefoyer.
37:21I've had that.
37:21Ricotta.
37:23You don't like ricotta?
37:24I don't.
37:26Are you Italian?
37:28Next, for those of you watching in the 1970s, this is a white wine.
37:33It's very drinkable.
37:34It's very drinkable, as they say in the wine world.
37:36Yeah.
37:36Because you have to try it with the pasta.
37:39Please.
37:41To try.
37:42You're acting like an Italian's mother.
37:44Italians are feeders.
37:45Yes.
37:46They make you eat food.
37:47And, finally, my favourite of all the colours.
37:50Red.
37:53Silence, please.
37:54I would like to do a proper wine tasting.
37:56This is how you actually do it, if you're taking it seriously, not just larking about.
38:00So we start.
38:08.
38:28Nice.
38:33Omar Khayyam, writing in Persia in the 11th century, I think, said that you should drink
38:39wine, because everything else was futile, because you were simply going to die.
38:43The caravan starts for the dawn of nothing.
38:46Oh, make haste.
38:53And he was right.
38:55Remember, alcohol is God's apology for making us self-aware.
39:05I love this.
39:09People should simply drink wine.
39:12It was gifted to us, so that we could be at peace.
39:17It was at around this point that Claudia remembered we still had 79 crates to fill.
39:34The next day, with Claudia still working her way through the final 60 crates, I'm winding
39:40o solo mio to the small hilltop village of Castelmora.
39:47Italy is widely known for its glittering contributions to the world of music, from Monteverdi and Pavarotti to Italian disco
39:56legend Gazebo.
39:58But Sicily has its own mercifully unique contribution.
40:03Now, most English people would associate the bagpipe with Scottish expansionism into places like Leicester Square.
40:09But actually, the history of the instrument is a lot more complicated than that.
40:12It may have been known in antiquity to the ancient Greeks.
40:15The bagpipes in Europe almost certainly made their way here via Spain, for obvious reasons, from the Arab world.
40:23And in the Middle Ages, the bagpipe was simply one of many popular folk instruments that have since fallen into
40:28disuse,
40:29like the racket, the crumb horn, the red beck, the hurdy-gurdy, the portative organ.
40:35Here in Sicily, they have a particular strain of bagpipe called the charameda.
40:41And I'm going to meet a man called Pipo, who makes them, and, I'm afraid, clays them.
40:49The charameda, with its bag made from sheep or goatskin, was traditionally used by farmers to cheer up the locals
40:56as they herded their livestock around.
41:03Zambonia is the general word for bagpipe.
41:06Now, that's interesting. How the hell do you play that without four hands?
41:09Luckily for everyone in the room, we were about to find out.
41:26Tragically, the charameda almost died out completely.
41:30But thankfully, Pipo has helped keep the instrument alive by making them for the last 60 years.
41:41.
41:41Bravissimo, senor. Fantastico.
41:45I think I like the charameda.
41:47I was trying to work out the fingering as you were doing that.
41:49So, da-da-da, da-da-da, and that's the leading note there.
41:53Yeah. Yeah.
41:54And then this side, God knows what you were doing there.
41:56That is virtually impossible because you need two brains.
41:59One to play the recorder and another one to play the recorder.
42:02Why am I even agreeing to this? Can I try one with the bag?
42:05Brace yourselves for the sound of me fingering some beautifully turned apricot wood
42:10and blowing through an ex-goat.
42:27That was very briefly Ivor Cutler's OU lemon flower, the leaf is sweet but the fruit is sour.
42:33Did anybody get that?
42:34No.
42:35The slightly alarming thing about that was as the bag deflated it smelled faintly of stale vino rosso.
42:42But that might have been something to do with last night.
42:45So, to play the charameda you need four hands, the lungs of a horse and to not have drunk a
42:51vineyard dry the day before.
42:54Anyway, token toe-curling bit ticked off, now I can enjoy Peepo on his lathe in his exquisite workshop.
43:03Bella.
43:10While watching a craftsman create something from nothing is my cup of chino,
43:16the smell of that wood being cut off is tremendous.
43:21Director Tom has other ideas.
43:25James. Yes.
43:26I know you love the lathe and everything.
43:28You've got performance in about half an hour.
43:30What, my performance? You mean their performance?
43:33No, you're playing. Half an hour. 12 o'clock on the square.
43:35Well, I can't possibly play the bagpipe.
43:37Yes, you can. You'll be fine.
43:38I haven't got big enough lungs and I don't know the fingering.
43:45For once I decided to stand firm and not be made to look foolish in the name of light entertainment.
43:55I was overruled.
43:57Robert Fripp of King Crimson fame once said,
44:00Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence.
44:03Although he might want to revise that in a couple of minutes.
44:06And yes, for the avoidance of doubt, I hate Tom.
44:09Okay.
44:30With the whole band playing together it's actually quite a lovely sound.
44:36So I joined in.
44:46I'm not sure the crowd are into this.
44:52I'm not sure my band mates are either.
44:59Great.
45:06So, Pippo.
45:07Yeah.
45:07How am I at Ciara Meda?
45:10I think you're good.
45:11But you have to learn a little bit about the best thought.
45:15This is the best Ciara Meda playing I've ever heard in the whole of Sicily.
45:19That's my sake.
45:24He says,
45:25Bravo to me for my efforts and I will be leader of the band within the next six months.
45:31I feel sick listening to you play the Ciara Meda.
45:34Goodbye and don't ever come back.
45:39Cut.
45:46There's a bit of a pattern developing to this show, which is that I go and attempt to do something
45:50and then afterwards you join me in the car, we're alone and I apologize for having attempted to do it.
45:55I did love Pippo's workshop.
45:57The bits of film we made with me talking to Pippo and Pippo demonstrating his lathe and his tools, that's
46:02all going to go in the bin in the edit and Tom the director will put some cheap library music
46:07over some slow motion shots of sawdust flying about.
46:10That's it.
46:11In fact, it's already happened, isn't it?
46:15I should probably call a truce on the ongoing battle with Tom and the producers or they'll make me do
46:20something else ridiculous like traditional Sicilian child throwing or polo in canoes.
46:28Canoe polo is something I've never even heard of, to be honest, and as far as I can make out,
46:32it's like polo, but you play it in canoes.
46:40The rules to canoe polo, as shown by the nail-biting European Championships, are like basketball, only with greater risk
46:48of drowning.
46:48Each team of five passes the ball by chucking it.
46:52You can't hold onto the ball for more than five seconds or you hear a sound like this.
46:57Also, there's no running, jumping, ducking, bombing or inflatables.
47:02The team with the most goals wins.
47:05So, today I'm joining the European champions to give their opponents a sporting chance.
47:12And they are under-21s?
47:13Yes.
47:14These are all women's teams?
47:15Yes.
47:16OK. You know I'm not a woman.
47:20Cue the obligatory costume change.
47:26Into something designed for a teenage girl,
47:29who doesn't have to worry about certain effects of the cold.
47:33I hope the helmet's big enough.
47:38Tom has arranged this to humiliate you.
47:40See?
47:41Yes.
47:41Good.
47:42OK.
47:44Excuse me.
47:44No problem.
47:46So, this is like a tutu.
47:48Yeah.
47:49Sorry, can I?
47:50Yes, of course.
47:56Right, this way.
47:58Which is the front?
48:00Right, let's get this over with.
48:02Now, because we're nearing the end of the film and time is of the essence,
48:06here are my best bits.
48:12It won't go straight, Tom.
48:14There's something wrong with it.
48:17Where is the ball?
48:18It's hard to believe from what you can see here,
48:20but there's actually a match going on around me.
48:23Bollocks.
48:24Not that it will come as any surprise, nor will anyone even care.
48:28Ah! Ah!
48:29I'm going backwards.
48:30But my team lost.
48:32Ah!
48:37Oh, it's so exhausting.
48:38And they're all 21.
48:40Ah!
48:40Yeah, I expected it could have done much better than this, yeah.
48:46Can I just explain how this show works?
48:48When we say, like, we went to Japan previously,
48:50this time we decided to come to Italy,
48:52and I said, I would like to,
48:53there's lots of art things I wanted to see,
48:55I wanted to help restore a mosaic,
48:56I wanted to do a bit about cooking,
48:58I wanted to go to the Campagnolo Bicycle Components Factory,
49:00which I know you would have loved.
49:02To that, they then add the things
49:04they think it would be funny for me to do.
49:06Snowball fighting, canoeing.
49:08The programme is Our Man in Italy,
49:11and at the beginning it says James May.
49:12So I actually, ultimately, say what we do,
49:14and we go into a cafe for an exchange of gifts
49:16and a doppio espresso.
49:19Maybe un bicchieri vino bianco.
49:21Si? Si!
49:22That's much more interesting, isn't it,
49:24than watching a twat flap about in a canoe.
49:28Consider yourselves told, crew,
49:33the doppio espresso merely delayed the inevitable,
49:37an awkward goodbye.
49:43I have a gift for you.
49:45A gift?
49:46Yeah.
49:46Un regalo.
49:48Un regalo.
49:49Oh.
49:50Beautifully wrapped.
49:51Yeah, I did it.
49:58It's a board game.
49:59Yeah.
50:00It's a board game about Sicily.
50:01Two players.
50:02To see if you know enough about Sicily.
50:06There.
50:07Yeah.
50:07That's nice.
50:08So there's Palermo, where we were,
50:09where we went in the square,
50:10looks at where the nuns had destroyed everything
50:12and chopped the man's penis off.
50:13Such a generous offering deserves something
50:15of equal magnitude in return.
50:19Oh.
50:19A great deal of thought has gone into this.
50:21Oh, grazie.
50:26Very personal and very heartfelt.
50:29It's your Coppola.
50:31See.
50:32Do you have to wear it?
50:33Yes.
50:36I think it looks better on you than me.
50:39Let's just get the opinion of the crew.
50:40No, I don't think so.
50:41See?
50:42Absolutely.
50:43It's because she's Italian.
50:45Grazie, James.
50:47Molto gentile.
50:48That's OK.
50:57My ferry is in Partenze very soon.
51:01I'm really sad.
51:02I'm sad as well.
51:06Lovely to meet you.
51:07OK.
51:07Seriously, it's been absolutely fabulous.
51:09And I don't want this to be emotional
51:10because we're on television
51:11and we're looking appropriate,
51:12so I'm just going to...
51:12I'm just going to go.
51:14OK.
51:15All right.
51:15Grazie.
51:16Grazie.
51:17Grazie.
51:17Sicilian.
51:18Bye.
51:19Bye.
51:20Oh, dear.
51:32I knew the editor would put some schmaltzy,
51:34lovey-dovey music over this bit.
51:37Just as well it's the end of the film
51:39and I'll have forgotten about it by episode two.
51:41That's when I arrive on the mainland.
51:44I live with you.
51:48Partir-o.
52:12Partir-o.
52:42www.feyyaz.tv