00:00But the movie gets away with it, because I have no idea.
00:02Also, this is a convergence of all the franchises.
00:04Now we have Too Fast, Too Furious and Tokyo Drift thrown into this mess.
00:07Eventually, they'll all be joined by the Expendables.
00:09Because we got a job.
00:10Instead of escaping Rio, we've decided to target the biggest crime boss in the city and steal his money.
00:14We think that's justifiable, because one time we tried to steal a car that he wanted to steal,
00:17and he chained us up for a bit before we escaped.
00:19Don't ask any questions, just listen.
00:21This is what constitutes security at this place.
00:23Guy owns the whole city, and he can afford security cameras on the outside of the building
00:26to make sure something like this doesn't happen.
00:27Meanwhile, he has four on the naked counting chicks.
00:31Random Reyes soldier plays the pronoun game with Reyes, so that he has to ask who the hell they are.
00:35There's no reason to simply up the security, or have more guys guarding it.
00:39Nope, just put it all in one place. Why not?
00:41If he's moving into a police station, he's got some serious brass in his pocket.
00:46Kinda makes you wonder why he bothers with ten different secret money houses,
00:48if he can just openly stash his cash in the police station.
00:50This just went from Mission Impossible to Mission and Freaking Sanity.
00:54Yeah, earned that paycheck, Tyrese.
00:56Enhancer.
00:57Zoom and enhance cliche.
00:58The phrases are covert.
00:59Run it through FRS.
01:00Facial recognition software?
01:01But you just said their faces were covered.
01:03The beauty of public offices, public records.
01:06Even in Brazil?
01:07It took the U.S. until the Freedom of Information Act for most s*** to become public,
01:10and even then I'm not sure police station blueprints count.
01:12He says Caucasian.
01:13Oh, that's a tan.
01:15No, a tan?
01:16Jesus Christ.
01:17So, of course, the box that Tyrese brings in goes right in the room with the safe,
01:20because whenever you make a stupid plan with 1% chance of it working, it works.
01:23If you had a f***ing camera robot in this box, then why even go to the trouble of trying so
01:26hard,
01:27or at all, to get them to let you into the evidence room physically?
01:29Was it just to create some b***h comic relief?
01:31Also, these cops on the take from Billionaire Crime Lord don't have cameras in the evidence room
01:34that contains his vault of billions in order to see this RC car s***.
01:38Movie depicts exactly what it's like watching these movies.
01:40O'Connor, let's go get some cars.
01:42Okay, but just as a reminder, this is all just for revenge.
01:45You're doing all this to steal from a dude that f***ed with you one time over a car that you
01:48were in the act of stealing.
01:49Thinnest premise ever.
01:51Yes, let's collectively enjoy the hot asses of girls who aren't my sister that you knocked up.
01:54Born on the street, there's a lot of people looking for you two.
01:57And yet...
01:58What? You didn't think we'd recognize you?
02:00After the last movie? No, actually.
02:01We assume Brian was unrecognizable to the street racing world,
02:04since they let him back in undercover after he f***ed over everyone in the first film.
02:07But whatever. Just get to the f***ing race already.
02:09Call for call.
02:10You want it? Come and get it.
02:11If the feds ID'd his car from a traffic cam,
02:13how the f*** is Dom able to drive it anywhere in the city without being found?
02:16Aren't they searching for it via satellite every 15 minutes?
02:20Where did you get that from? Papa Smurf?
02:22Okay, Tyrese, we need to talk.
02:24I'm beginning to wonder if you even deserve to keep earning paychecks.
02:26Please call me.
02:27The highly wanted Dom and Brian, being tracked by the entire Rio police force and the DSS,
02:31can not only find a space where no one can find them,
02:32it's also big enough to simulate the police station they're about to rob.
02:35Oh, look. While the feds are actively hunting you with satellites,
02:37you can have a ginormous safe delivered to some warehouse without anyone anywhere getting suspicious.
02:40There's still another problem. Palm scanner.
02:43Which I somehow didn't notice, despite my zoomed-in RC car camera view of the thing.
02:46More Rio porn. Fast Five gangbang.
02:48Hobbs specifically told his crew he wanted them to follow Reyes,
02:51to the point of knowing how much he shakes it when he goes to the bathroom.
02:53Nobody from the DEA here today.
02:55Ah, not only did you stop for a change of clothes,
02:57you also made sure to choose fingerprint-friendly material.
02:59Nice.
03:00So did he just, like, slap that ass, or did he, like, grab and hold on to it?
03:04I know you're kidding, but no.
03:05It was like he was actually trying to help you rob him with the way he touched her ass.
03:08Guys. Guys. Guys, we have a problem.
03:11And the whole team just got burnt.
03:12You mean, just now?
03:14That's convenient, since we saw all of you getting investigated 17 minutes ago in movie time,
03:17which is, like, an eternity in real time.
03:19This did not just happen, despite the movie wishing it did.
03:21...
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