00:02From the strong backs of donkeys to Viking ships, transportation is how humans get where they're going.
00:10But where is transportation itself going?
00:13Will the future hold hyperspace, time travel, or motorized cars that allow them to leisurely glide along at a slow
00:22pace?
00:23And if so, when will these things happen?
00:26And when?
00:28Join us as we explore the future of transportation.
00:33This is Future Manatee.
00:47The future may be uncertain, but these buffalo jalapeno poppers with zested blue cheese dressing are certainly delicious.
00:55And only available for a limited time.
00:58I'm Michael Dorn, and this is Future Manatee with James Urbaniac.
01:02Mmm, mmm, jalapeno poppers.
01:11Nothing like a pan-Asian rail journey packed inside a sexually aggressive patroness's velvet-lined steamer truck to experience the
01:20marvel that is human transportation.
01:23To help us marvel even more marvelously, let's pick an expert.
01:32Oh, they're just so adorable.
01:34Oh, but I have to pick one.
01:36Ah, this is hard.
01:38Oh, look at the little tongue.
01:40Oh, I'll take Dr. Malcolm Bourgeois.
01:44According to Tufts University Transit and Urban Planning Professor, Dr. Malcolm Bourgeois, the future of transportation will not be without
01:53friction.
01:55Frotage, as we all know, is becoming more and more prevalent on public transportation.
02:01You mean when someone rubs up against an unwitting victim in a public place for sexual gratification?
02:07Yes, something we've all tried at one time or another.
02:10But believe it or not, some people don't enjoy frotage.
02:15So many cities are planning to build separate train lines and separate bus routes specifically for that activity.
02:22Commuters want erect penises and moist labia rubbed all over their legs and backs.
02:27We will soon have that choice.
02:30Fascinating.
02:34Had the future of transportation sufficiently moved me?
02:38Not yet.
02:39So I went to the Future Manity Workshop to see what my assistant Janet was working on.
02:44Janet.
02:45Hi, Jane.
02:46What would you say is your biggest challenge involved in driving to work each day?
02:50Remember telling anybody about that transient I hit when I lost control of my car while reaching for some fruit
02:55-flavored runs that had rolled under the seat?
02:57Precisely. Eating breakfast while driving.
03:00So nutritious.
03:01But so dangerous.
03:03Well, in the future, automated transportation systems will let us just zip along to work while we eat the most
03:09important meal of the day.
03:10Come on, I'll show you.
03:12Fascinating.
03:14How does this work?
03:14All one needs to do is place herself inside the pod, which she filled with delicious breakfast foods the night
03:20before,
03:20and just sit back and let the pod take her where she needs to go while she chows down.
03:25Wait.
03:26Seeing you in this thing, that's because you are.
03:29You look like.
03:34No, Clara.
03:45Dune buggies are so much fun that manufacturers of the future will start making them for everyday use.
03:52With four doors, great gas mileage, and an enclosed top, it'll be the dune buggy you can drive everywhere, except
03:59on sand or off-road.
04:00But on the highway of tomorrow, who will pour the asphalt?
04:04And how much?
04:05Only one version of me knows for sure.
04:08Future James Urbana.
04:19Hello, future James.
04:21Oh, hello, shit-covered monkey James.
04:25How go the Middle Ages?
04:27You're kind of mixing up epochs there, future James.
04:30But anyway, what tales of transport do you bring us from the future?
04:34Only a utopia where one meets nothing more than athletic socks to glide effortlessly from one destination to another.
04:42Amazing.
04:43With frictionless roadways, we slide to our destinations as if on a layer of heavily lubed air.
04:52Oh, goddammit!
04:56The future is still not without peril.
04:58Weren't there be millions of horrendous deaths since there appears to be no way to slower stops?
05:04Silence, proto-James!
05:06Our roadways are far superior to your primitive donkey car.
05:10Donkey car?
05:10I drive a Chevy Cavalier, sir, and you know it.
05:12Quiet!
05:13Now come here and get a devastating static electrical shock with such unforgivable stupidity.
05:20Oh, uh, it's quite a charge.
05:23The future will not be as kind as I am to our ape-like ignorance.
05:27Now come here and get off!
05:30Ah!
05:31Ah!
05:35Fire?
05:37Did I miss the beautiful fire?
05:39Where's the fire?
05:40Well, it just kind of blew up.
05:49Fascinating.
05:53Will humanity ever truly master the art of transportation?
05:57Who can say?
05:59But we do know this.
06:01To master something, you must be willing to set it free.
06:09Fly, transportation!
06:11Be free!
06:16I'm James Urbaniak, and I'll see you in the future.
06:22Food pod, take me to the future.
06:24It's final to mention.
06:26Food pod.
06:27Food.
06:31Food.
06:31Food.
06:39Food Pen.
06:41Food.
06:41Food. Food.
06:41Food.
