00:00Well, if that is the case, then today we will...
00:04From the time they are born, baby antelopes must develop strategies to avoid being devoured by one of its many
00:11predators.
00:12Once stemmed by its mother, the calf must hide beneath the dense shrubbery until called to its next meal.
00:19The calf remains completely still and will run only if on the verge of being discovered.
00:26But what about the future of religion?
00:30Is this fascinating topic like the antelope calf?
00:33Well, if that is the case, then today we will rip the calf from its hiding place and take a
00:39big juicy bite out of its haunches
00:41while its hot blood of information dribbles down our chings.
00:45Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
00:51The future of religion. Today, on Futurumanity.
01:08Could the poets have been so wrong about man's inner light?
01:12I have no idea. I just read what they tell me to read.
01:17I'm Michael Dorn. This is Futurumanity with James Urbaniac.
01:22Urbaniac? With James Urbaniac. Urbaniac.
01:28What, pray tell? Will religion look like centuries from now? Especially to one who has lost all?
01:40I'll climb.
01:46To help us illuminate the murky future of religion, let's select an expert.
01:57Joshua Toomey. Mystery expert. Rosa. Miss Toomey. Richard Toomey. Outstanding.
02:09If Johns Hopkins' religion expert, Dr. Richard Toomey, is correct, it seems even the omnipotent are powerless against the future.
02:16Because non-believers will soon unnumber the faithful, God will have his full-time work week cut in half.
02:21But if God goes permalance, he'll lose his benefits and have to go on Cobra.
02:25Well, God will be able to pick up prayer answering shifts here and there, but he'll soon be phased out
02:30altogether.
02:31He'll then most likely turn to drugs.
02:33Most theologians believe he'll go through a few really bad years until his good friend, comedian John Benjamin, talks him
02:39to enter into a rehab program.
02:40I love you!
02:41I love you!
02:42Okay!
02:42And a clean and sober God will then pursue his real passion, Asian fusion.
02:47Wow! God knows John Benjamin?
02:50I understand it, yes.
02:52I wasn't yet finished picking apart the prickly pear that was the future of religion, so I checked in with
02:57my assistant Janet to see what she's been working on.
02:59Right. Um, the elders of the Amish faith are said to have in their possession ancient schematics for so-called
03:05Dunes Barn.
03:06This right here is a speculative model.
03:08Hmm. How would such a barn work?
03:10Well, it's said to harness the massive destructive forces of hay making and butter churning to create an energy field
03:18with enough power to just destroy Earth.
03:24Oh.
03:26It's beautiful, isn't it?
03:27The fire in me.
03:28It's so hot, seductive, right?
03:31I see the flames licking each other.
03:33Good idea.
03:34Okay, so.
03:40Did you know the increasing size of the Pope's hat will make it necessary to select future pontiffs based on
03:47neck size?
03:48This will be so his holiness's neck won't snap under the weight.
03:54How will humans reconcile new technologies with spirituality?
03:59To find out, let's ask the one luminary we've yet to consult.
04:03Future James Rebellion.
04:12Hello, future James.
04:14Hello, past James.
04:16Enjoying fumbling around in the dark while I feast on all the delicious knowledge the future has to offer?
04:26This knowledge is so good, careful, sir.
04:30Yes, well, I see you have a poisonous snake there.
04:32That I do, caveman James.
04:35Though Pentecostal snake, it may not seem like a popular religion to you.
04:40In the future, it is gained mainstream...
04:44Ow!
04:44Snake!
04:47How can this be?
04:48Simple, my idiotic form self.
04:52Snake-handling robots are the way of the future.
04:56These specially designed robots can handle up to 20 times the snakes of their human counterpart
05:01without succumbing to deadly neurotoxins.
05:06Guess I should have used one of these robots.
05:10First James, when you're me in the future, use a snake-handling robot
05:15So we won't get the people.
05:18Let's see.
05:18Or at least buy some energy for you.
05:21Okay, I'll just, I'll make a note of that.
05:26Oh, I don't seem to have that.
05:27Well, I'll just remember, sure.
05:47There are so many ways to die, aren't there?
05:57There are so many ways to die, aren't there?
06:00But, maybe a little too bright for my tastes.
06:03I'm James Urbadiak, and I'll check.
06:10Future Manatee on AdultSwim.com
06:12How are you doing?
06:13I'm having a drink.
06:14No, you're not going to have any more drinks.
06:16I'm here.
06:16I waited till late.
06:17This is not, don't despair.
06:19Hey, hey, hey.
06:19I love Dr. Cash.
06:21It's a good show.
06:22Yeah.
06:22That's over now, too.
06:23What?
06:23And this is over.
06:24This...
06:25Can I just have a little weed?
06:26No, you can't have weed now.
06:27Come on!
06:27No, that's why I'm here to help you.
06:31No, I'm fine.
06:32No, you're not fine.
06:33This is not fine.
06:34Did you shoot up?
06:35Yeah!
06:36What the f***?
06:37Are you serious?
06:38I love heroin!
06:40Who's left, God?
06:41Who the f*** is left in your life?
06:43Who's left?
06:44Who's here?
06:45Don Henley.
06:46No.
06:47No!
06:48Go to the airport!
06:49Okay, okay, okay!
06:51None of it matters, and you go on, right?
06:54Because you f***ing live forever.
06:57I love you,� open, right?
06:57She's been citizens.
06:57And now, let's go on half, right?
06:57Of course, I know.
06:58I want it.
06:58And now I can see it.
06:58Good.
06:58I mean, I am.
06:59I like the sweaters and my comfort.
06:59вдругとか, and I try.
07:00I just like, Iеро.
