00:02Bentornati, welcome back to my show, Italieco. Today the topic is very close to my heart.
00:17We are talking about infertility, hope, and a very unique journey to motherhood,
00:25together with the author of the book Rainbow Baby. Welcome to my show, Jennifer Shabib. Hi, Jen.
00:34Welcome. Thank you for having me. Thank you for joining us. Would you please share your journey
00:40with our audience? Of course. Yes. So I wanted for me to tell the story. It really starts with,
00:48um, I wasn't sure if I wanted children when, you know, I was younger growing up. So, um, I was
00:55career focused, um, you know, much throughout my life, went to college, started a career.
00:59And then when I met my now husband, Brad, in my late thirties, um, having a family came to light
01:07and, um, you know, my doctors at the time, you know, they, they say, you know, it might be difficult
01:13to
01:13are, you know, getting a little older, but I worry about so many women that had kids well into their
01:19forties and thought, well, you know, I think we can do this. You know, it's been done. It might be
01:24difficult, but I had no idea what we were in for. Um, when we, um, tried to have the baby
01:31on our own,
01:32um, we were successful after about a year. Um, but then unfortunately at the first appointment for
01:38our ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. Um, so that was our first loss. And after that situation,
01:44our doctor said, you know, you can try again, but, you know, given, you know, your age, you may want
01:51to look at IVF as an option. So, um, we did decide to reset, try again in another year. And
01:57then when we
01:58weren't successful, we decided to go with IVF, um, with my ex and, um, the process as I describe in
02:05the
02:05book is, you know, very taxing emotionally, physically, and we had a good result from the
02:11retrieval process. Um, but then when it came time to, um, fertilize embryos, um, that's where we ended
02:18up with none. We had 12 eggs and ended up with zero embryos in the end. And while I was
02:23going through
02:24it and it was very taxing, I said to my husband, I, I don't know if I can do this
02:28again, but then after
02:29it didn't happen and that it, it not happening did not take away the want for the child. So, um,
02:37we made the decision to do it again and spoiler alert, we did it multiple times again, um, after
02:43the, the failed rounds. Um, and this was, you know, obviously, um, some years ago now insurance
02:49covering these processes weren't, was not really a thing, but thankfully I worked for a company that
02:54did cover it because it is very expensive. Um, so that allowed us to go through the process
02:59multiple times. Um, after we had our seventh failed, um, we again decided to reset and think
03:06about maybe going for adoption. Um, I just didn't think my body was going to be able to
03:12have a pregnancy. Um, so we went down that path and we were identified by a young woman,
03:18um, that who we thought selected us and then ultimately did not, um, after going through all
03:23that process. So we took a step back again and, and decided this time, you know, I was in
03:29my early forties and we talked, um, with our doctor about the donor egg process. Um, and
03:36you know, the reason I went with adoption before donor egg was because it seemed to even the
03:42playing field, like it wouldn't be genetically my child or my husband's. Cause I was concerned
03:46going a donor route would, um, make me feel like, well, the child is my husband's, but not
03:52genetically mine. How would I feel about that? So, um, we had to go through going through that
03:57adoption process and then through counseling, once we decided to do the donor egg, um, really
04:01helped me understand that process better. Well, what caring the baby would mean to me
04:06and I was able to get past that thankfully. Um, so after all of that, we ended up going
04:12with a donor egg and successfully having a rainbow baby, Nicholas, who will be turning
04:16seven in two months.
04:19That's, that's an amazing and compelling story. So what is the main message that you would
04:25like the listening audience to know about your book?
04:29Really that, you know, fertility and infertility is a taboo topic. Um, you know, one that women,
04:39you know, may have a lot of shame and guilt around talking about publicly, um, which is fine. It's
04:45very private and personal, but I told my story hoping that it would allow other women to feel
04:51less guilty, less shameful. Um, there is hope that there is resources. So my deciding to tell
04:58the story and what I hope will land and resonate with, with individuals, women and men, because it's
05:05a, it's a process for them too, that, um, you can go through a lot, but you can come out
05:10on the
05:10other side. Um, you just need to leverage your resources, do your, educate yourself. Um, you
05:17know, things like freezing your eggs, wasn't something my doctor even talked about when I
05:22was in my thirties and I had kind of wish I would have known that, you know, maybe I would
05:26have done
05:26that. So just really hoping that it is, is a message of hope, resilience and, um, you know,
05:33opportunity for, for others that might be going through a same journey.
05:36Absolutely. Thank you. And what are the challenges of becoming a first time mother later in life?
05:45That's a great question. Um, most of my friends and family have kids going to college and I'm,
05:51you know, I have an infant, so I didn't really have anyone that was going through the same things as
05:57me, like not sleeping and the feedings and the fussing and, um, to really kind of lean on them.
06:03They'd already been through all of that years ago. I mean, they certainly were there to support
06:07me, but it felt kind of isolating that I didn't have, you know, another mother with this, you know,
06:12with at my age going through this too. So that was really hard. Um, you know, I had to, um,
06:18you know,
06:18I, I, like I said, I had a good support system, but I really had to look for others that
06:23were,
06:23you know, my age that could understand what that meant. Um, you know, that you,
06:29you're going to have the, the, the folks that say, well, you're going to be in your seventies
06:33when your child graduates and what that brings. And yeah, we, we factored all of that in, but I
06:38mean, it's, it was still a joy and a blessing to have a child at any age and the truth,
06:44you know,
06:44that's the truth of it all. So. Of course. And why did you feel the urge to tell your story
06:50in a book?
06:51Really? Because when I was going through all of this, I didn't feel like, as I mentioned,
06:56I had support, but not the stories or hearing about women that went through a similar process
07:03to have a baby. You would see and hear about women in their late forties, having children,
07:07but not how they had those children, which again, is a very personal choice to not say.
07:12And I obviously respect that, but I would have liked to have heard from other women that,
07:18yeah, I had to go through IVF six times, or we had to use a donor egg, or I just
07:22didn't feel
07:22like those stories were out there. There were a lot of books, um, coming from
07:26the science angle or the doctor angle about the process, but not real life stories of women
07:32going through that. So that's what motivated me to write the book so that there'd be a resource
07:37out there for other women that just wanted to hear a raw story about someone else going through
07:42a similar journey. Thank you. And last question for you, any other messages beyond infertility in
07:49your book? Really it's faith and resilience as well. Um, you know, it takes a lot of strength,
07:56um, to go through, you know, an, an IVF multiple times and miscarriages twice. And there's a lot
08:03of emotion around that. And, um, I had a lot of guilt, a lot of shame, a lot of points
08:09of, um, even
08:11after having my son, I had really bad postpartum depression and I carried a lot of guilt because I,
08:17everything I went through to have him, he was finally here and I felt that disconnection.
08:22And, um, it was very, very challenging to work through that. And I had to obviously seek help
08:27and to get myself through it. So, um, so yeah, it's not just about infertility. It's about rising
08:33above, you know, a chapter in your life that you didn't plan for. I mean, it's, you know, um, it's
08:40so
08:40simple to say, you know, women have kids all the time, but there's, it's not always, you know,
08:44my sister-in-law had four kids without even having to think about it, you know, but that
08:49everybody's story is different. So that's one of the reasons, um, or one of the themes I hope people
08:54take from my book is really just resilience and persistence and hope. Thank you. And where can we
09:00find a rainbow baby? So rainbow baby is out, um, available in hard cup, hard cover and soft cover
09:08on Amazon books, Barnes and Noble, um, from my publishers, a website, Milton and Hugo. Um,
09:14there will be an audio version coming soon, but right now it is readily available at most bookstores.
09:20Thank you so much for joining us today on WNTN Radio Boston.
09:24Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate the time.
09:30Thank you so much for joining us today on WNTN Radio Boston.
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