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FunTranscript
00:05Wait, any sign?
00:07Not since he did a run after we kidnapped him on the stag, no.
00:10That's all we need.
00:11Well, listen, you go and see if you can find him, yeah?
00:13I'll stay here.
00:14Yeah.
00:15See if he turns up.
00:16Uh-huh.
00:22Hey, Dad, what's the rush?
00:24It's the price for Kim.
00:25Drank way too much last night.
00:27Forgot it was coming early.
00:28It was coming early.
00:30Huh?
00:37Oh, thanks.
00:38Oh, they love me.
00:41You sure about this, Dad?
00:43Yeah, she's going to love it.
00:46I don't know.
00:47I mean, having to go up there with her dress and hair and nails, heels, the veil as well.
00:54Yeah, all right.
00:55Yeah, all right.
00:59Cindy!
01:00You look great.
01:02I love what you've done with your hair.
01:03I mean, who's going to come round the corner next?
01:06Steptoe and son.
01:07She's got practically all a wall for the zoo, I guess.
01:10I mean, who have I got?
01:11The dregs.
01:13All right, well, this will make this conversation easier.
01:15We're not coming.
01:17What?
01:18I'm just, I'm so tired and I'm so pregnant and I thought I'd be okay, but, uh, sorry.
01:25Thanks.
01:26Nice flowers.
01:28Nice flowers.
01:28Yes, Cindy Junior.
01:29Another no-show.
01:33Oh, Linda!
01:35How can I help you?
01:38Right, okay, uh, a migraine.
01:50Okay.
01:52Get well soon.
01:58Anyone else going to stab me up?
02:12Can't we have one day with Dad ain't being a total drama queen?
02:14What are you doing here?
02:16Aren't you supposed to be with the groom?
02:19Cufflinks.
02:20Dad's cufflinks.
02:20You left them here for, for safekeeping.
02:22Mum?
02:24Meg, I thought it was his wedding, huh?
02:25Oh, finally.
02:26How long does it take to get some brushes together?
02:33He's gone AWOL, hasn't he?
02:35Yes.
02:36What are you doing?
02:36You're supposed to be getting dressed.
02:37Go, go, go, go, go.
02:38By the way, I want to look sophisticated.
02:40A dog wouldn't look like a drag queen.
02:42Right, let's get this fizz opened.
02:45Peter.
02:45Peter.
02:46Laura wants a word.
02:51They are up to something.
02:53No, no, no.
02:54They're just getting a bit giddy, that's all.
02:57Be careful, you're making a mess before you've even started.
03:03Mum?
03:05Cheers.
03:06Cheers.
03:08Well, Kim may have the quantity, but I've got the quality, because I'm marrying the man
03:17of my dreams.
03:21So this surprise that Howie's got from me...
03:25Ah, stop fishing.
03:26You'll love it.
03:27Yeah, I sure miss shoot got shrunk in the wash, you know.
03:30Is that so?
03:32Patrick?
03:35Oh, that's Jasmine.
03:38Wish Kim good luck from me.
03:43Let's open the champagne, shall we?
03:45I don't mind if I do.
03:47I think I will stick to black coffee.
03:49Coffee?
03:50Yeah, I think that's a good idea, you know.
03:53Is that...
03:53Is that Dee?
03:56Oh, Dee!
03:59You look beautiful.
04:01Oh, natural mentor.
04:04But it's not the same without you here.
04:07Amy?
04:08Will you do the honours?
04:10Honours?
04:12Oh, what's this?
04:15It's, uh, something borrowed.
04:17Something borrowed?
04:19Oh, yeah.
04:24I don't know.
04:26I see your can spill, then.
04:29You wear that, and I'll be right where I need to be.
04:36Close to your heart.
04:47I thought it best if I stay away today, so Mum's going to take Annie and Ollie's going to spend
04:52the day with Johnny instead.
04:54Why did you do that, Linda? Why did you wait till the night before my wedding to tell me something
05:00I've been waiting years to hear?
05:02Timing's bad, I know.
05:05I think you'd get off on it.
05:07What?
05:08Throwing me breadcrumbs.
05:10Listen back in my head.
05:12I've never done that.
05:12What is it, what, you think you're just going to click your fingers, yeah? You're going to click your fingers,
05:16I'm going to come running to you.
05:17I think you should go.
05:18I ain't going anywhere.
05:21Why don't you tell me what you want?
05:27I'll just go and see Cindy. Tell her it's not happening.
05:31No, Max, please don't.
05:32Oh, exactly, yeah, yeah, exactly what I thought. As soon as it comes to it, as soon as it comes
05:36right to the edge of it, you can't take the jump, can you?
05:38That's not true.
05:39I can't say I blame you.
05:41Max Brannan, damaged goods, isn't he?
05:54Maybe I do want to be with you.
05:58You're a good man.
06:01Not perfect, but you have changed, Max.
06:05You think I'm a good man?
06:07Yeah, what's wrong with that?
06:08Well, I've been having an affair.
06:11What?
06:11Yeah.
06:13I've been sleeping with Priya.
06:18Still think I'm a good man, do you?
06:26Tommy?
06:30He ain't come out of that room since he's a bit back.
06:33I think he's worried about bumping into you-know-who.
06:35Do you know what?
06:36When I think of him on my stomach, it was like that.
06:39Hey!
06:40You all right?
06:40The mum arrived.
06:42Oh, Lily, look at you.
06:44You look gorgeous.
06:45I love weddings.
06:45It can be so romantic.
06:47And we're going to the right one because I think Max and Cindy's is going to be a 40-car
06:50pile-up.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:53I've been even a bit late to get ready, innit ya?
06:55Oh, I think my invite got lost in the post.
06:57I think it's more that they all still hold a massive grudge.
07:01Yeah.
07:01All right, Jane.
07:02Just come without saying, I'm going to notice.
07:04You can't turn up without an invitation.
07:06Then we'll have a seating plan and everything.
07:08Jane!
07:08Hold on a second, Donna, and we'll go to the community centre, OK?
07:10Not Westminster app.
07:11It's all right.
07:12I'm fine here, honestly.
07:13Now, you know what?
07:14If Jasmine ain't good enough for them, then neither am I.
07:17And, in fact, I'm staying here, so I think you should all boycott it.
07:21Right, listen, I'm going to go grab Bert and Ernie.
07:23If anyone's coming, we need to get a move on.
07:25Come on, let's jog on. Come on, let's go.
07:27Bert, Ernie, what's holding you up?
07:28Are you getting something out of telling me this?
07:30Is this to get back at me for what I said last night?
07:32No, not at all. This is me, Linda.
07:33This is a man that you love, yeah?
07:35That ain't pretty.
07:36Oh, I get it. I get it.
07:39You want me to pity you?
07:40Poor old Max.
07:42It's not his fault he can't keep it in his pants.
07:47I mean, what about Cindy?
07:49Do you even love her?
07:52You're pathetic. Just get out.
07:54Oh, right, so what? Now you hate me again?
07:58It's flip-flopping, isn't it, Linda?
08:00Flipping and flopping. That's you all over, isn't it?
08:02Just get out, all right? I'm not playing your stupid game!
08:05I'm telling you, all right?
08:06You can't just switch it on and off like that!
08:07Well, how about this?
08:09I'm sorry I ever said anything!
08:16Kim has got the whole world and his wife going to her wedding.
08:20I can't even get two of my own daughters to come to mine.
08:23Even a freeloader like Priya's cancelled.
08:27I wish you could come, George.
08:29Yeah, I'm sorry.
08:30It was a late booking, but it's too big to turn down, so...
08:32But you know I'd come if I could.
08:35Yeah.
08:35Yeah.
08:36It means a lot to have you blessing.
08:38Mum, the car's here, and, um...
08:40Well, I'm really sorry, but Phil's called Harry back for some emergency job,
08:43and he couldn't say no, so...
08:45Doesn't matter. What's another one?
08:48I've just got to go and check how Annie's doing, OK?
08:50Right, should we get this dress on, then?
08:53Yeah.
08:53Yeah.
08:53Right, Mum, let's calm down, yeah?
08:57What is going on?
08:59I am not stupid.
09:01Just tell me!
09:04What do you call a fish without an eye?
09:06I don't know.
09:07A fish!
09:08Come on, come on, come on, stand your jackets on, all right?
09:11Leave the camera upstairs.
09:12I'm not going to have these pair of herbets running right at the wedding, all right?
09:15And Mo's going to catch us up.
09:17Right.
09:17She's on a booty called Fat Elvis.
09:22OK, um...
09:23I'm going to leave you two to...
09:25We'll head off. We'll meet you there, yeah?
09:27Come on, then.
09:27Where you been?
09:29Just chilling.
09:31Listen, just come.
09:33Joel won't be there, right?
09:34There's no need to worry.
09:35I'm not worrying.
09:35I just don't want to go, yeah?
09:37Wedding's a bore in.
09:39Oh, come here.
09:41I love you.
09:42I love you, too.
09:47Come on, kids, let's go.
09:55Oi!
09:56You're back, then?
09:58How you been?
09:59Anywhere nice?
10:02My aunt, er, need help with her dogs.
10:05Right.
10:06So you wasn't avoiding me, then?
10:10Listen, the things that I did were terrible, but I've changed.
10:15Oh, just save it, Joel.
10:16Sorry, what do you want me to do, eh?
10:18Do you even know what's happened since I've been back?
10:19Everyone crosses the road when they see me.
10:21Yeah, and you've got what you deserve.
10:22So you didn't do anything, then, to them girls at school or your mum or family?
10:26Shut up, Joel.
10:27You ain't going to get back in my head.
10:28Is that what you keep telling yourself, is it?
10:30Joel's twisted my mind.
10:31I was vulnerable.
10:32Yeah, because I was.
10:34But we did what we did together.
10:36And when they came for us, you chucked me under the bus.
10:41But, yeah, no, that's fine.
10:44All right?
10:45Oh.
10:58What are you doing there?
11:02I just came to get my things, right?
11:04Like, I quit.
11:04What, again?
11:06Shut the door on the way out, will you?
11:08Saved your life last night, remember?
11:10Oh, great.
11:10What do you want in the middle?
11:12Might have one somewhere.
11:13I just want a clean break.
11:14Okay?
11:15Me, Ravi and the kids.
11:16Me and you's the past.
11:18And me and Ravi's the future.
11:20You'd better hope Linda don't blab, then.
11:22What?
11:24What the hell did you tell her for?
11:27Just sort of slipped out.
11:29Slipped out?
11:30Mm.
11:30You selfish idiot!
11:32Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself?
11:34You could write everything for me.
11:37Yeah?
11:37Well, you should have thought about that prayer before you jumped into bed with me.
11:49Beautiful.
11:50Oh, my God.
11:51Beautiful.
11:53Woo!
11:54Thank you!
11:56Thank you, family!
12:02Your trusty steed awaits, my queen.
12:06Please tell me you like it.
12:13Are you joking?
12:18I love it!
12:26Kim!
12:27Are you going to give us your Lady Godiva, then?
12:29I can't be a favour.
12:31This is my cowboy carton moment!
12:33Yes!
12:34Yes!
12:35Yes!
12:36Yes!
12:36Yes!
12:38Hi!
12:45I'm here.
12:47I can't believe the registrar is late.
12:50You'd think they'd factor in the traffic, wouldn't you?
12:52This is why we didn't want you worrying, OK?
12:53We'll sort it.
12:54I promise you.
12:55Promise.
12:56OK?
13:06My Howie got me the horse.
13:09My Howie got me the horse.
13:11My Howie got me the horse.
13:12Oh, you're the best.
13:14Oh, whoa!
13:16Oh, whoa!
13:16They all say, whoa!
13:18Oh, Cindy!
13:19You know, it's true what they say, that it is so much thinner when you're up here.
13:26And do you know what else they say?
13:27No.
13:28You can't buy class.
13:30And you know what else they say?
13:32You can't buy friends.
13:33Yeah.
13:35Well, please excuse me.
13:37As my entourage, I'm getting a little bit restless.
13:41Giddy up!
13:43Ta-da!
13:45Woo!
13:46Woo!
13:47Woo!
13:48Woo!
13:49Woo!
13:50Mother, your character weeks.
13:52He's getting it.
13:52Oh!
13:53Oh!
13:54Oh!
13:55Oh!
13:56I tell you what, if Max is late too, I'm going to kill him with my own bear hat.
14:01Oh!
14:01Careful, careful, careful.
14:02No, mate, no.
14:03Oh!
14:04Careful.
14:05You stink!
14:06I know it stinks.
14:07That's the horse.
14:08Oh!
14:08Oh!
14:11Oh!
14:12Oh!
14:14Oh!
14:15Oh!
14:16Oh!
14:17Oh!
14:18I fought to get you this job.
14:20And this whole time, you two have been at it behind my back.
14:23Listen, I like that.
14:24Just get out!
14:25Please, Lauren, I just need to know you aren't going to tell anyone.
14:27Get out now before I tell absolutely everyone about your dirty little secret.
14:31Go!
14:35You know that Cindy is over there and she's the happiest that I've ever seen her, Dad.
14:39Don't give it all that, Lauren.
14:40You can't stand the woman.
14:42This is going to blow up our whole family.
14:45And Peter's going to kill you.
14:46What's your name?
14:47Snow White.
14:48You ain't squeaky clean, Lauren.
14:50You're selling dodgy motors.
14:52You're fiddling the books.
14:52I mean, who knows what else you've been up to?
14:55Just a hypocrite you are.
14:59What are you going to do now?
15:00I don't know.
15:02Okay.
15:03Well, I'm done.
15:06I don't want to be anywhere near this car crash.
15:08I want nothing to do with it.
15:10Have a nice wedding, Dad.
15:11I want to be here tonight.
15:27I hope you do.
15:27I'll be here tonight.
15:28I want to do it again.
15:30I want to be here tonight.
15:42You all right?
15:46It's a shame that Jasmine ain't here, isn't it?
15:50Patrick is just not up to it yet.
15:53Old wounds.
15:54Look at his face.
15:58Jasmine has been through a lot.
16:01You all need to make peace.
16:12Can you see us, Denise? Can you hear us?
16:15Yeah? Yeah? There we go.
16:17Aw!
16:18Hey!
16:22Hey!
16:26Yeah!
16:27Hey!
16:28Hey!
16:30Hey!
16:31Go for the money.
16:33Go for the money.
16:33Oh, God.
17:02I'm so in love with you.
17:19I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
17:22Come, come, stop me.
17:27What's going on?
17:39Howie, you know I love you, yeah?
17:41I know you do.
17:43You don't have to convince me of anything.
17:54Trust me.
17:57You know what to do.
18:01All right, sorry everyone.
18:03Heads up, change of plan.
18:06But stay tuned,
18:07because we will see you down a bit later
18:09to raise a glass, yeah?
18:11Yeah!
18:14Come here.
18:18Let's have the wap.
18:20Come on in.
18:21Let's go, let's go, let's go.
18:26Josh, Patrick, a word, a word.
18:29We need to talk about Jasmine.
18:34Finally.
18:35Where have you been?
18:37Oh, yeah, that bruise ain't going down.
18:41You know, a bit of concealer will fix that,
18:42so that's, you know.
18:44Give it all rest, Oscar.
18:49What?
18:49What you got something to say?
18:50I ain't got the energy for this right now,
18:52so just go and get ready.
18:53That's no point.
18:54It's going to end in disaster.
18:56It's boring my life right this is, innit?
18:58Dad, Cindy's already set off.
18:59What?
19:00I just skipped.
19:01Kim's big day.
19:02My wife's sister.
19:03My wife,
19:04who might be dead before the year's out.
19:06So whatever little wobble you've had,
19:08you get your big boy pants on
19:10and you'll be ready in five minutes,
19:12otherwise I'll come and drag you out.
19:21Well, I know he's my uncle,
19:22but he's really hot when he's angry.
19:23He, um, dragged me out.
19:44Lauren, finally.
19:45Where are you?
19:46Have you found him?
19:48Peter, I, um...
19:50Hang on, hang on.
19:54Can you do the front of the car, please?
19:55Yeah.
20:01All right, Oscar's got him.
20:02He's in a state,
20:03but they're going to get him ready.
20:03Right.
20:04Can you go and help him, please?
20:06No.
20:07You what?
20:09Just, Jimmy, he's really gripey.
20:11I think he's...
20:11I think he's caught a bug.
20:13Er, okay.
20:15Is he all right?
20:16Like, could Gran look after him?
20:17Come to the ceremony, at least.
20:21Lauren?
20:23I'm sorry.
20:24I...
20:25I can't.
20:26Peter.
20:30What?
20:32Hello there.
20:34You okay?
20:34Yeah, I think we've come.
20:35Oh, look forward.
20:36Was that the registrar?
20:38Yes, yes, they're five minutes away.
20:40Okay.
20:42Mwah.
20:43Mwah.
20:44You all right?
20:44Hello.
20:45Do you want to get inside again?
20:47No, I do.
20:52How have you been?
20:52Yeah, I'm very well, good.
20:54Nice to see you.
20:58You're back early.
20:59Yeah, um...
21:00Kim, she couldn't go through with it.
21:02Because Denise weren't there.
21:04Anyway, Alfie's outside getting us a cab.
21:06We're gonna gatecrash Max and Cindy's door.
21:08You gonna come?
21:08I'm fine here.
21:10Oh, come on.
21:11Max and Cindy would be too busy to even realise that we're there.
21:14Go on, you go.
21:15You don't even miss out on the fun.
21:17I'll see you later.
21:20No!
21:21Zoe.
21:22I'm gonna stay with you, yeah?
21:25I'll text Alfie.
21:26Get your old mum a drink, yeah?
21:29All right.
21:29Here.
21:37Peter!
21:38What?
21:39What's this going straight to voicemail?
21:40Lauren's not coming now.
21:42Mum's in there.
21:43Okay, we'll just keep it together.
21:45Although...
21:46I don't know how much longer I can hold her off.
21:48Peter!
21:50The registrar said he's been here for hours.
21:51You lied to me.
21:52I swear, if you don't tell me the truth...
21:55What's going on?
21:58Um...
21:59Yeah, it's...
22:00We're...
22:01Cindy!
22:04Ah!
22:06Where have you been?
22:07Oh, Dolly Donut!
22:08Took us to the wrong entrance, didn't he?
22:09Oh, yeah, cos this is all my fault.
22:11Well, considering...
22:12Well, what?
22:12Have you had the address?
22:14Max?
22:16What's that put to your face?
22:17Oh, stag do.
22:19Don't blame me.
22:23You getting married, then, or what?
22:24Yes!
22:25Yes!
22:27Oh!
22:29Oh!
22:35We're out of breath!
22:37Linda!
22:40Look, I haven't worked.
22:41I've got to get to the cash and carry.
22:42Please.
22:45What do you want, Priya?
22:46I just want to know that you ain't gonna tell anybody.
22:49Oh!
22:49You want me to keep your dirty little secret, do you?
22:52Can you keep your voice down?
22:53Who the hell do you think you are to be asking me favours?
22:55Don't look Tanya nose at me.
22:57Like you ain't made the same mistake before.
23:00What did you just say?
23:01I'm sorry.
23:02I'm just thinking of my kids.
23:04What, your kids?
23:05My daughter is there right now in the middle of this farce of a wedding.
23:08How is this fair on her?
23:10How is this fair on her?
23:11Do you know what?
23:12I'm not having it.
23:15Linda, what are you doing?
23:16I'm not having Annie caught up in your sordid affair!
23:21Linda!
23:22Linda!
23:23Linda!
23:23No, please!
23:24Please don't do that, Linda!
23:27Please!
23:29Linda, no!
23:31Priya?
23:34What's happened?
23:35Do you go to Top City everything?
23:37I've got to stop her.
23:39Right.
23:39No, Priya.
23:40That's our cab.
23:43This is our cab.
23:44This is our cab.
23:46Jean!
23:47Jean, what are you doing?
23:48That's our cab!
23:48I know!
23:49Hey!
23:52Sorry.
23:55I've been messaging someone.
23:57It's Dad's taxi.
23:58It's for sale.
24:01Look at that!
24:03Look at that!
24:05Alfie mentioned that you were a bit upset about the Boy Zero project.
24:08Oh, what's he telling you that for?
24:10Because he cares.
24:12And it got me thinking about Dad.
24:15And when I was at Lynn's, we were talking about the old days.
24:20All crammed in the back of the cab, going on adventures.
24:24And I wanted to do something nice for you.
24:28So I was hoping that we'd find it.
24:30After a few drinks, we started looking and we did.
24:33I want to buy it.
24:35Show Josh and Jasmine and keep Dad's memory alive.
24:39So how much is it going for?
24:41Five grand.
24:42Right, get the bloke on the phone.
24:43We'll knock him down for a bit of Slater charm.
24:47All right.
24:48Do you remember that time we went to Sam?
24:51And Lynn was sick in the back.
24:53All over a little bow.
24:54Yeah.
25:24Ha ha ha.
25:35Please be seated.
25:40We've come together today, not just to witness a marriage,
25:44but to celebrate a partnership built on shared dreams,
25:48on love, and most importantly, on trust.
25:57What's going on?
25:59I've... I've tried calling Kim.
26:03I've tried Howie.
26:05I'll speak to you after.
26:11Erm...
26:15What the...?
26:20OK, wait, wait, wait, wait.
26:23Let me just get my breath back.
26:25Yeah?
26:26And in fact, let me give you the 360.
26:30Oh!
26:31Yes!
26:33Yes!
26:34Oh!
26:36Oh!
26:37Hey!
26:39What are you...?
26:40You're getting... you're getting married here?
26:42Yes!
26:43Oh!
26:45Yes!
26:46Because my beautiful sister was my guest of honour.
26:51Oh!
26:55OK.
26:57Right, you're on.
26:58Let's begin, shall we?
26:59Yeah.
27:03I love you.
27:11Yeah.
27:26Linda, I'm begging you, please don't do this.
27:35Cindy, do you take Max to be your husband?
27:38To share your life together?
27:42I don't.
27:49Max, do you take Cindy to be your wife?
27:52To share your life together?
27:55Linda, Linda!
27:57Linda!
27:59Linda!
28:12I don't want to be too busy.
28:13I don't want to comment on thatweise.
28:14I don't like to read this.