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00:00They're taking a penalty for your country, you know, you've got to be cool.
00:03Each throwing a dinner party.
00:06Rubbish.
00:07Lovely.
00:08The result, red car defences.
00:11Get, get.
00:13Full-on tackles.
00:15Roadblock.
00:18He absolutely annihilated me.
00:20And dressing room banter.
00:22I was a great believer I'm in his sacks before a game.
00:26Before Secret Scoring leaves one of them the winner of a £1,000 charity prize.
00:31This is all.
00:32Where did I get away?
01:01Move over, wags.
01:02In tonight's World Cup special, four former England internationals are looking to reach the pinnacle of the competitive cooking game.
01:10And kicking off the week is proud ex-England and Liverpool hard man, Neil Razor Ruddock.
01:15I was lucky enough to get one England cap.
01:18Sorry, two England caps.
01:19Me first and me last.
01:20Shh, the Queen might be watching and there could be more shocks in store from him.
01:27No embarrassment, fresh shoulder too when it comes to Big Razor.
01:30Yes, I'm beginning to realise that.
01:34Let's get back to safer subject, shall we?
01:36Dining, baby!
01:37The most unusual thing that I've ever eaten myself is the eyes of a pig.
01:45Nice.
01:46It didn't go down well at all.
01:48Well, the truth is it didn't go down.
01:49It came back up.
01:50Lovely.
01:52Our next competitor is ex-Wimbledon striker, former Gladiators frontman and karate black belt, John Fashionu.
02:00Ouch.
02:02Oh yes, I was born feeling good.
02:05What was my catchphrase on Gladiators?
02:08Ha-Walka!
02:11Something which I've heard in Nigeria and I don't even know to this day what it meant.
02:15Let's hope it's not rude.
02:17Hey!
02:18Thanks!
02:19But if it is, I won't mention it.
02:21Razor's starting his day with his main course, Big Boy's Pasta.
02:25I've always been very open-minded about anything and everything, so I will look forward to that.
02:31Good for you.
02:33Next up, it's the 70s superstar famed for his silky skills on the pitch and even silkier ones off it,
02:40Frank Worthington.
02:40Some beautiful females, they need a charmer and some need a predator, so I could go either way.
02:50Really?
02:51Clever.
02:52Clever?
02:53It's ruddy genius.
02:55Oh, look out, Frank.
02:58And first host Razor is also under attack from his fiancée, Leah, and his mum.
03:03I used to.
03:04Ow!
03:05Yeah, go on.
03:06This won't be doing his hardman image any favours.
03:09He's different when he's with his family.
03:11Very different.
03:12He's a good dad.
03:13Good cook.
03:15Great shag.
03:16Your mother's in the room, man.
03:18I'll take half your father.
03:20Oh, he's good in bed.
03:21He's rubbish.
03:21Please let this conversation stop now.
03:24That's it.
03:25Come on, clear out.
03:26Let Neil get on with his pasta.
03:27He adds a tomato and wine sauce to meat.
03:30It's going to be perfect.
03:31Before mixing the whole lot in with the pasta.
03:33Breathtaking.
03:34With his mane prepped and ready to heat later, it's on to dessert.
03:38Banoffee pie.
03:39Now, I know there's nothing like Banoffee pie in any of the menu books I've ever read.
03:46That's because it's Banoffee pie.
03:48I'm assuming it's a pie.
03:50Oh, sharp.
03:51I've never had it before, and I wouldn't have a clue what's in it.
03:54Thanks for that.
03:55Completing our ex-England line-up, and with 18 caps to his name, is leggy midfielder turned
04:00coach, Carlton Palmer.
04:01Simple things it is with penalties.
04:03Pick your spot and go for your spot.
04:05Go on, then.
04:08Take it like a true Englishman.
04:10At least he's trying to perfect his cooking.
04:11I'm not a cook, but I'm going to practice the dishes I'm going to do.
04:15We'll have a few drinks, and hopefully by the end of the night, if my food's that bad, they
04:19won't remember.
04:20And if it's that good, I'll remind them about it.
04:22That sounds like a plan.
04:24Sort of.
04:25Back with Razor, he's busy with his Banoffee pie.
04:28My mum told me this morning what to do, so this is, I'm just going to wing it, really.
04:32For his base, he mixes melted butter and crushed biscuits.
04:36Onto this, he spreads toffee, followed by a layer of bananas and whipped cream.
04:40Oh, my goodness.
04:42He finishes it with a dusting of chocolate.
04:43That, my friend, is what you call a Banoffee pie.
04:47Dessert done.
04:48Razor moves on to his starter, eggs florentine.
04:52I do like eggs, so, and I do know the sauce that it comes over, so that is nice.
04:58So, I'm assuming that's eggs in some kind of sauce.
05:01Brilliant, Carlton.
05:03It's a cheese sauce, in fact, which Razor makes with milk, butter and cheddar.
05:07A spoonful of flour, about thus, thus.
05:11He'll add the sauce to spinach and eggs later.
05:13Before that, there's just time for a discussion on gender politics with his three-year-old daughter.
05:19Boys power.
05:20Girl power.
05:21Boy power.
05:23Girl power.
05:24Boy power.
05:25Girl power.
05:26Well, this could go on forever.
05:27Come on, Mr Ruddock, your guests are on their way.
05:30Time to slip into something a little more comfortable.
05:32And the first of the former England players in tonight is striker John Fashionoo.
05:38Hell's teeth, Razor.
05:39I didn't mean that comfortable.
05:42Bobby!
05:44Razor!
05:45Thank you, mate.
05:47Good to see you, mate.
05:48You've not changed.
05:49You've lost weight.
05:51Oh, thank you very much.
05:52Come in, son.
05:55What?
05:57Razor has bloomed up with a size that's incredible.
06:00I wasn't sure whether it was Razor Ruddock or a horse coming to meet me.
06:03I wasn't sure what to do, whether to jump on his back and ride him or shake his hand.
06:07Thank heavens you went for the hand.
06:08And Neil has another bizarre surprise up his sleeve, a very unusual butler.
06:12Come on, son.
06:14Orange juice from Mr Fashionoo and hurry up now.
06:17Go and get the orange juice, quick.
06:18That doesn't surprise me in this place, that Razor.
06:21More ice?
06:21No, no, no ice.
06:23No ice, Gil.
06:23I think they work very well.
06:25They don't answer your back.
06:26They're not allowed.
06:27I can see that.
06:29Thank you very much.
06:30Now back in your cage.
06:31Go.
06:34Here's a man who loves a bit of naked flesh, and there's plenty of it.
06:37Legendary 70s ladies' man, Frank Worthington.
06:45Franky.
06:46I don't believe it.
06:48Franky.
06:49I don't believe it.
06:50Here you go, son.
06:52Don't even talk.
06:53Don't touch.
06:53Oh, get lager for Mr.
06:56Mr. Franky.
06:58Last in is midfield maestro, sort of, Carlton Palmer.
07:03Bonjour, monsieur.
07:09How are you doing, mate?
07:15I'm all right.
07:16Nice to see you.
07:16What do you want to drink, son?
07:17Get Mr. Palmer a nice beer and hurry up about it.
07:21That's it.
07:22Give him one from me.
07:23Coming up.
07:24Burning bread.
07:26Oh, my God, Bazel, quick.
07:28You're the one that says he did cooking.
07:30Clueless cooking.
07:31200 grams.
07:32Easy.
07:33That is 200 grams.
07:35And fussy footballers.
07:37Did we get a napkin thrown in?
07:39There you go.
07:43Cheers, lads.
07:44Cheers.
07:44It's the first day of the competition as four ex-England footballers compete to be best host
07:49and win £1,000 for charity.
07:52First up is Razor Ruddock, who's kicked things off in unique fashion.
07:56He's put on so much weight.
07:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:59How much, what is he now?
08:00How much does he weigh?
08:01All right, all right.
08:02He's always been big, though, hasn't he?
08:03Oh, well, that's just ginormous.
08:05About 30 stone, isn't he?
08:06Yeah.
08:06And while his guests discuss his weight, a thankfully now clothed Razor finishes off his starter.
08:11So I'm just eating my cheese sauce up.
08:14Have a smell.
08:15Yeah, it smells lovely.
08:17Beautiful.
08:18He adds an egg to spinach, followed by his cheese sauce, and after 15 minutes in the oven...
08:23Now, that is what I am talking about.
08:26Here it is, straight out of the 1970s, ex-Florentine.
08:30Mr. Palmer.
08:31Thank you very much.
08:32Wonderful.
08:33Thank you, Razor Ruddock.
08:34Lovely.
08:35Looks good.
08:36Frankie, it looks good.
08:37Cheers, Razor.
08:37Lovely.
08:40This is good, Razor.
08:41This is nice.
08:42Oh, no, it's nice.
08:44This is excellent.
08:45I don't really like cheesy stuff.
08:46Why are you serving it, then?
08:47Egg Florentine doesn't exactly suggest it's going to have any difference to a normal boiled egg or fried egg.
08:55But, you know, the Florentine part comes into play, and it was quite tasty.
09:01Razor, what's it there?
09:02That's a wonderful...
09:03Oh, fash.
09:04That's me shaking.
09:05Honestly.
09:06Have a look at this.
09:08That's a proper picture, that is.
09:09That is me and the ledge, Nelson Mandel.
09:12Fantastic.
09:12There's Barnsie.
09:13Charlie Barnes.
09:14Stevie Nichols.
09:15Stevie, yeah.
09:15Fantastic.
09:16Talk about fighters, lads.
09:19There's my little bird.
09:20I think the less we say about that, the better.
09:22No, no, no, well, I'm just remarried, so we'll just leave that one out.
09:26Good idea, let's leave that one.
09:28Back in the kitchen, Razor is getting on with his mane.
09:30They probably won't even eat it.
09:31I don't care, but it looks nice.
09:33Well, actually, when I said Razor, what I really meant was his little bird.
09:36Yep.
09:37Well, you know, I had one or two suspicions, whether that was really Razor's cooking or not.
09:44But when you've got such a beautiful wife, you're not going to question it anymore.
09:49I shouldn't be doing this.
09:51Pregnant.
09:52Get out now.
09:53That is disgusting.
09:55You are in the kitchen, though.
09:57I need to poo.
09:58Yeah, I think so.
10:00Oh, my God, Razor, quick!
10:02You're the one that's meant to be cooking!
10:05Not me!
10:08I believe it.
10:13My eyes are burning.
10:14Quick, get the main course out before you ruin the rest of it.
10:18No, I've been...
10:20Somehow, it finally makes it to the table.
10:22Big boy's pasta.
10:24That's a portion.
10:26That's, uh...
10:27Right, that's...
10:27If you don't eat it, you're not allowed to go out and play with your friends.
10:30Here you go, friends.
10:31Thanks.
10:32We don't mess about in the rod and gusole.
10:35Salad, bro.
10:36I can't get it on the plate.
10:37Use that, use that bit.
10:39Use one of them.
10:39Use one of them.
10:40Let's make some limfres.
10:41Bit of bread, look.
10:42Seriously.
10:43Absolutely brilliant.
10:44I appreciate that, Frank.
10:45I wouldn't tell you for your s**t anyhow.
10:47I just eat it anyhow.
10:48Ray's, he's tried hard.
10:50Not necessarily in the top level of cuisine, but he's really had a go and I think he's actually
10:56succeeded.
10:57I'm not sure everyone would agree with you there, Frank.
11:00It's a lot.
11:01I love you.
11:01I love it.
11:02Really?
11:03The whole plate was full of pasta.
11:06Not much meat.
11:08Very, very filling.
11:09If you come to Ray's house, you've got to eat a lot, haven't you?
11:12You've got to eat a lot and drink a lot.
11:14Are you trying to say he's fat?
11:16Well, what we have to talk about is the World Cup, who you think should go, who you think
11:20shouldn't go.
11:21Yeah.
11:21Because the debate's a big debate.
11:23Big debate, sorry.
11:24And wags.
11:25Wags shouldn't go.
11:26The wags shouldn't go.
11:26They should stay at home.
11:27Really?
11:28So, you think our boys will be out there for a month, month and a half?
11:30No, no, no.
11:31We're working.
11:32You're there to win it, aren't you?
11:33People say the wags.
11:34I think it's a sex thing that comes in the thing, you know, no sex before games, which is
11:37like rubbish.
11:38I was a great believer having sex before a game.
11:41Good.
11:42Tents are free, Frank.
11:43Absolutely.
11:44I had one or two experiences pre-match, so that never affected my performance on the
11:53pitch.
11:54And we'll leave you with that thought.
11:55On the Saturday, we expect you to do your job.
11:59And if you score a hat-trick or you've done well, if you've had sex, glory be to God.
12:03Well done.
12:04If you haven't, unlucky.
12:06The only little portion of these ones, as you can tell.
12:09Yep.
12:10Tiny.
12:10I think opening the door with a bare bum, put the lads off their dinner.
12:15Yeah.
12:15Well, maybe your cooking had something to do with it.
12:18Here's dessert.
12:19Banoffee pie.
12:20There's only one razor.
12:22Correct.
12:23There's only one razor.
12:23No, it's me mum's thingy.
12:26One razor.
12:27One razor.
12:28There's only one razor.
12:31Yeah, Frank, I think we gather it.
12:32There's one razor.
12:34Swear to God, I made that and scratched myself.
12:36That's beautiful, that razor.
12:37First time I've ever done it.
12:38This is a la creme de la creme.
12:40Well...
12:41Oh, razor.
12:41Thanks very much.
12:42No, razor.
12:44My hospitality.
12:45Brilliant night.
12:45It's been a great night, but I'll tell you what, that sight of me seeing you when I walked
12:49in the house will live with me forever.
12:51We can supply counselling, Carlton.
12:53Taxes!
12:54He told me he made it himself, so I'm happy with it.
12:58Do I believe him?
12:59No.
13:00The company's been great, the food has been excellent, and it's got to be a nine.
13:06You what?
13:07Taking all the factors into consideration, I give him a six.
13:11The food was manageable.
13:14Preparation was okay.
13:15The wife, gorgeous.
13:17I'm giving him eight.
13:19And that confused logic means that razor somehow posts a heavyweight score of 23.
13:28Day two, and the turn of the man who's flown in specially from Nigeria, Mr John Fash the Bash Fashionu.
13:34I would say that I'm quite proficient in the world of cooking.
13:37But you out there and the viewers might, after this, call me an expert.
13:41Yes, you might.
13:42I doubt it.
13:43His first job in his borrowed flat is his dessert, chocolate mousse.
13:46I've never had chocolate for dessert.
13:51You've never had chocolate for dessert?
13:53I've had it, but I haven't particularly liked it, so this should be pretty good.
14:01That clears that up then.
14:02Simple, but he'll do it well.
14:04My late grandmother gave me this recipe, and I'll never forget it because she gave it to me before she
14:09sadly passed away.
14:10So it's a little bit emotional.
14:12Trouble was, before she passed away, I didn't get the last bit of the recipe.
14:18Never was able to complete the recipe.
14:21Very sad.
14:23Yeah, we can see that, Fash.
14:26The chocolate, as you can already see, is starting to melt. Smells lovely.
14:30Most people would melt the chocolate in a Bain-Marie, but not Fash.
14:34Oh, no.
14:35Add the water to the chocolate.
14:37Unfortunately, it didn't say how much water to the chocolate.
14:40Well, none.
14:41So I'm going to use my own discretion.
14:44Mmm. Smells lovely.
14:46It looks horrible.
14:48Let's try and have this section here for the mousse,
14:51this section here for the cottage pie,
14:54and this section here for the prawn cocktail.
14:57Is everybody following so far?
14:59Not in the slightest.
15:00Next is his main course, I think.
15:02Shepherd's pie.
15:04M&S do an excellent shepherd's pie,
15:09but this should be very interesting.
15:12Again, simple, but he'll do it well.
15:14Interesting.
15:15Back with Fash.
15:16He's peeling his potatoes with a blunt knife.
15:18It's not a beauty competition,
15:20so it doesn't matter what the potato looks like.
15:22And I believe, to the best of my ability,
15:24that potato is now peeled.
15:26Good for you.
15:27That's it.
15:28While boiling potatoes for his main,
15:30he decides to get on with his starter.
15:32Look, it makes sense to him, all right?
15:34Prawn cocktail.
15:36Prawn cocktail?
15:37That ain't cooking.
15:38Simple.
15:39But he'll do it well.
15:40First job on the starter is the Mary Rose sauce.
15:43I think once you've been cooking for a while,
15:45you get the feel of it, you get the flair of it.
15:47You don't need to go and measure.
15:49Use a bit of common sense.
15:51200 grams. Easy.
15:53That is 200 grams.
15:55Is it, though?
15:56Into a bowl.
15:57Fash then adds tomato ketchup,
16:00followed by Tabasco, cayenne pepper,
16:01lemon juice and Worcester sauce.
16:04Stir to combine.
16:06And I think I am allowed just to have a little taste.
16:09It's just a little taste.
16:10Notice the little finger.
16:12Oh, excellent.
16:14Excellent.
16:15Excellent.
16:16I think he thinks it's excellent.
16:18Next, it's back to the main course.
16:20Are you keeping up?
16:20It's the shepherd's pie, remember?
16:22Mmm, fresh meat.
16:23I always smell the meat.
16:25Yeah, it's very fresh.
16:26Fash fries off his very fresh minced meat
16:29before draining off the excess liquid to make gravy.
16:31In Fash's kitchen, we don't waste anything.
16:34We're going to take a couple of oxo cubes,
16:37crumble one full oxo cube into the grease.
16:40You make it sound so tasty.
16:43Next, it's back to the mousse.
16:45Fash folds in creme fraiche,
16:47mmm, dishes it up,
16:49and the puds go into the fridge.
16:50I'm not going to score myself out of ten,
16:52but if you ask me, ten.
16:54Is that all?
16:56He finishes his rather confusing prep
16:58by assembling his shepherd's pies
16:59before heading off to get changed.
17:03And first to turn up is Carlton.
17:07Hey, I know that face.
17:09Come in, come in, son.
17:11Good to see you, mate.
17:11You're looking well.
17:12You're looking well.
17:13Good to see you, mate.
17:13Good to see you, Carl.
17:19Good to see you, mate.
17:21Good to see you, mate.
17:23Good to see you, Frank.
17:24Come in, mate.
17:25You're welcome.
17:26And bringing up the rear,
17:28and thankfully keeping it covered,
17:29is last night's host, Razor Ruddock.
17:33Razor!
17:34Oh, you're looking very smirk.
17:36Good to see you.
17:37My man, my man, my man.
17:38With his guests in,
17:40non-drinker Fash has a plan to ensure
17:42he serves his wines in the right order.
17:44Numbering them.
17:45Number one wine.
17:46No mistakes.
17:47There's number one.
17:48Yeah.
17:48Shouldn't that white be in the fridge?
17:50I, myself,
17:52use a little of this wine
17:53just to make...
17:53just to blend in with the boys.
17:55Now...
17:56I thought you didn't drink.
17:57I don't never drink.
17:58But this is not wine.
17:59This is sweet wine.
18:01I never did drink until today.
18:02So now, if you want to say I drink,
18:04yes, I drink.
18:04OK?
18:05Clear as ever.
18:06Remember what we said?
18:0795% is presentation.
18:09Presentation.
18:10Presentation.
18:10If you look like a bag of potatoes,
18:12I assure you,
18:13you'll be treated like a bag of potatoes.
18:15And you wouldn't want that.
18:17Here's his starter.
18:18Prawn cocktail.
18:19Let's make that come alive.
18:21It's amazing, isn't it?
18:22He's got these flush penthouse,
18:23but it obviously doesn't keep the wine cool, razor.
18:25No, it doesn't keep the wine cool, razor.
18:27Oh, you've noticed as well.
18:28A sign of a non-drinker,
18:30but it's not too hard to put white wine in the fridge.
18:32Frankie!
18:34Lovely, lovely bit of the old thorn.
18:36Oh, that looks very nice.
18:37And a razor.
18:38Yeah!
18:39Baby!
18:41That's a potion!
18:44That's a potion!
18:45That's a potion!
18:45Flash, I think we need some wine, mate.
18:47Yeah, yeah, of course!
18:48Wine!
18:48Hey!
18:49No other wine.
18:51Flash, do we get a napkin thrown in?
18:57There you go!
19:00That's a frownie!
19:01I love napkins.
19:02At home, we've got so many napkins.
19:04There's so many different ones.
19:06You appear to be wearing one.
19:08If my missus is going to Harvey Nicks in Leeds,
19:10I say, I'm coming with you,
19:11and I'm going to the napkin department.
19:13Talk about easily pleased.
19:15I love prawn cocktail.
19:17Keep it simple.
19:17I do.
19:18Keep it there.
19:19Don't try and reinvent the wheel.
19:20Do you know what I mean?
19:21Anything they do?
19:22Oh, don't reinvent the wheel.
19:24We've got a big radic portion,
19:25which was nice.
19:26It was all right.
19:27The sauce weren't the best, to be fair.
19:29That was a 10 out of 10 in my book.
19:31For them, they might be giving me seven, eight,
19:33I think, that range.
19:34But I wonder what they'll give you a gravy.
19:36Any chance at the main?
19:37Oh, there, yes.
19:38We don't want any delays.
19:39I can see these guys are hungry.
19:40You see how quickly they ravish through.
19:43The prawn cocktail.
19:44Oh, yes.
19:45No, no, they're ready.
19:46I'm not sure they're ready for this.
19:48Shepherd's pie,
19:49with a side order of dirty dishwater.
19:51Mr. Fash, what are you...
19:53Your first aid, guys?
19:54Boy, the way that looks good.
19:56What's that on the side there, Fash?
19:57The gravy, just a little bit, just in case.
20:01Everything was raw.
20:03And the gravy was like it melted some lard in the oven.
20:07On a hob, actually.
20:08Rubbish.
20:09Top drawer.
20:10Absolutely fantastic.
20:11Absolutely fantastic.
20:12Loved it.
20:13What?
20:14Razor.
20:14Yes?
20:15Give us your most embarrassing moment in football.
20:18That's when we were at Everton,
20:19and the balls wouldn't give me the ball back.
20:22It was like last minute.
20:23Give me the ball, give me the ball.
20:24Yeah.
20:24Give me the ball.
20:25So the ball, as the balls come out, it chucks me.
20:27I'm going to head it back to the goalkeeper,
20:28and then someone had stuck a pie on it.
20:32Someone had gone...
20:33So as it's come, I've gone like that,
20:34the guys had gone,
20:35and it's gone,
20:35and there I have got meat and pie.
20:37Could have been worse.
20:38Could have been Fash's pie.
20:40Anybody else?
20:41Any more?
20:41Have we got the ice, Fash?
20:43Yeah.
20:43Hey, we've got everything here.
20:44Apart from ice.
20:47I love that Fash.
20:48Fash don't give a flying.
20:50You know what I mean?
20:50He just...
20:51He don't care, does he?
20:52So it's no point having a go at him
20:53or winding him up at it,
20:54because he just don't care.
20:56You know what I mean?
20:57Shepard's pie went down like a bomb.
21:00My guys enjoyed that.
21:02I've got to be fair.
21:03I was delighted myself eating it.
21:05I was at the level where when I tasted it,
21:08I said,
21:08I don't even interested what anybody else thinks.
21:10This is good.
21:10Frankie left a little bit, but he's not a big eater.
21:14Razor, Colton, finished.
21:16Wipe out.
21:17I finished him.
21:18Road block.
21:19Ten out of ten.
21:21Ignorance is bliss.
21:22Perhaps you should get on with your dessert, Fash.
21:24Well, I think we've gone further than just looking good.
21:27I think we're now at the level where people will say it tastes good.
21:31Well, that is kind of the idea.
21:32Let's find out just how good it tastes.
21:34It's poured chocolate mousse.
21:36Drinks. Anyone drinks?
21:38Red wine.
21:38Chilled or wet and warm?
21:40Which one?
21:41Fash is such not a drinker.
21:42Because you chill white wine and you keep red wine room temperature.
21:46That's what you do.
21:47No, this is chilled.
21:48Yes, but you don't chill red wine.
21:49No, you don't.
21:50You chill white wine and you keep red wine room temperature.
21:53We'll drink it.
21:54Vainly trying to dodge more criticism,
21:56Fash attempts to put some positive spin on his dessert.
21:59What word would you use to describe another taste?
22:02I've used succulent.
22:03No, not succulent.
22:04That's for meat.
22:05Okay.
22:11What word would you use to describe the taste of the cream and the chocolate?
22:16I think the word.
22:17Can you spell it?
22:17Palatable.
22:18Wow.
22:19Palatable.
22:20Can you spell it?
22:21I'm not so sure that's a word.
22:22Palatable.
22:23That just means you can eat it.
22:24Yes, that's exactly Frank's point.
22:26How did you get your chocolate mousse to smooth?
22:29Dark chocolate.
22:30Yeah.
22:31Sauce spoon.
22:32Yeah.
22:33Slightly on.
22:34Yeah.
22:35Melted.
22:35You just put the chocolate in the sauce spoon.
22:37Oh yeah, very easy.
22:37Sounds easy.
22:38Razor.
22:39Sounds easy, son.
22:40You did put your chocolate in a bowl and eat water underneath it.
22:43Oh no.
22:43No, no, no.
22:43Just broke it down gently.
22:45Yeah.
22:45Fash is beautiful.
22:46Sounds like sex to me, Fash.
22:48We've gone that far.
22:50Poor Frank's eyes are watering.
22:52With the evening over, Fash tries to predict his score.
22:55I think Frank was probably a seven or eight.
22:58Got to go with an eight.
23:01Not bad.
23:01I would say Colton would give me an eight or nine.
23:04I'm going to give Fash a six.
23:06A little bit off.
23:08Razor could be nine up.
23:11Could have even been the big one.
23:13Ten.
23:14Your white wine was warm.
23:15Your red wine was cold.
23:17Your food was terrible.
23:18For that reason, I'm giving you a two.
23:20Oh, that's not even close.
23:22Razor's rather harsh, too, puts Fash bottom of the table with 16 points.
23:28Coming up, poor poetry.
23:30The master chef is on his way.
23:32And I'm going to do the vinegary.
23:35Airborne afters.
23:40And doubtful diners.
23:42I defy Colton Palmer to be able to produce that.
23:50It's day three and we're now in Huddersfield with our third former England star to play host, 70s smoothie Frank
23:56Worthington.
23:57What I'm actually preparing here for me is excellent, but how it will actually turn out on the night is
24:05question mark.
24:07Come on, positive thinking Frank.
24:09He's starting his prep with a rather simple sounding summer fruit jelly.
24:14Is this a 12 year olds party I'm going to?
24:17No, Frankie no.
24:20This is not what I expected.
24:22But despite opting for a pretty basic pud, Frank's not going to fly solo on this one.
24:26Carol!
24:27Come here!
24:29Hi.
24:30Come on in, gorgeous.
24:31Hi.
24:31We need some help here.
24:33OK.
24:33Get your jelly out.
24:34Yes, that would help.
24:35Frank cuts up his shop bought jelly.
24:38Keith Floyd, eat your heart out.
24:40Cutting jelly in slow motion.
24:44Well, that was never quick.
24:45You know, it's like when you control a football.
24:47You know, you can't control a ball fast or quick.
24:52OK.
24:53Right.
24:53I've heard it all now.
24:54He then put strawberries and raspberries in a bowl before adding his now melted jelly.
24:59Just one moment.
25:00No, don't.
25:01Hey.
25:02Hey.
25:03Get.
25:04That told him, Carol.
25:06Bottom, Sharon.
25:07Bottom.
25:09Bottom.
25:09It is on the bottom.
25:11Er, no, it's not.
25:13Hey, presto.
25:14Magic.
25:15Time to prepare his main, wait for it, spaghetti bolognese.
25:19This menu redefines the word simple.
25:22Well, I love pasta, eh?
25:23Pasta.
25:24At least twice or three times a week.
25:27What is it with these ex-footlers?
25:29Can't they cook or what?
25:30Spaghetti bolognese.
25:31That's easy.
25:32Pot.
25:33Kettle.
25:34Black.
25:35See how steady I am?
25:37This is like taking a penalty for your country.
25:39You know, you've got to be cool.
25:41Right?
25:43OK, Frank.
25:45To his pan, he adds onion, garlic and minced beef, followed by red wine, tomato puree,
25:50tinned tomatoes and oregano.
25:52I'm going to leave it to simmer for one hour.
25:56OK.
25:56With that left to slow cook, Frank moves on to his starter.
26:00Devilled partridge breast.
26:02Slow roasted on a bed of lark tuck.
26:04No, sorry, wrong menu.
26:05Here it is.
26:06Avocado vinaigrette.
26:08That's more like it.
26:10Avocado.
26:11I expected that.
26:12Did you?
26:13The master chef is on his way.
26:15And I'm going to do the vinaigrette.
26:18Wow, he's a poet.
26:19It rhymes.
26:20That's often the way with poems.
26:21We're going to try and do this one on our own.
26:25Fantastic.
26:26Carol!
26:27Come here.
26:28That didn't last long.
26:29OK, you peel.
26:30Peel your garlic cloves.
26:33Avocado vinaigrette.
26:34Spoken like a true Frenchman.
26:36Yeah, fluent in French.
26:37My very first French class.
26:40Into the classroom, walked a Brigitte Bardot lookalike.
26:43Put my hand up when she first addressed the classroom.
26:47She said, excuse me, miss.
26:50Do you have a boyfriend?
26:52And she went, no.
26:54I said, you have now.
26:57Eleven years of age.
27:00Oh, Frank, you old charmer.
27:02After mashing his garlic, he adds vinegar and oil.
27:04And that's it.
27:06All you have to do now is slice the avocado.
27:08OK.
27:09When they arrive for their starters.
27:11Not now.
27:12Not now.
27:13Wait.
27:13You have arrived, yeah.
27:15Thank goodness Carol's here.
27:17There's just time for Frank to change into his outfit for his Elvis-themed dress code.
27:22Elvis night.
27:24Wow.
27:25He ain't gonna blink of me from his rubbish cooking and his rubbish menu.
27:29Or his rubbish outfit.
27:30I didn't know Elvis played darts.
27:32Elvis is in the building.
27:34Yes.
27:35First in tonight is Razor Ruddock, who clearly thinks Elvis had a perm.
27:40Oh.
27:40Hey, hey, hey.
27:42Ha, ha, ha.
27:43Oh, is it Elvis?
27:44It's Elvis.
27:45Is it Elvis?
27:45Not that you'd know.
27:46Nice to see his son.
27:48Brilliant.
27:48I've been freezing up here, you know.
27:50Ha.
27:51Next in is Fash.
27:52Not sure which period of Elvis's life he's representing.
27:55Ha, ha, ha, ha.
27:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
27:58Good to see you.
27:59How you doing, brother?
28:00Good to see you.
28:00What have we got tonight, Frank?
28:01Something special for you.
28:03Hopefully.
28:04Presumably.
28:05Yes.
28:06Special, huh?
28:06That must be different to the menu we saw, then, Rater.
28:09That can't be what we saw.
28:11Steady, Fash.
28:12And finally, it's Carlton.
28:13Come on, come on.
28:15Carlton!
28:15Are you lonesome tonight?
28:18At least someone's made an effort.
28:21How you doing mate?
28:21How you doing mate?
28:22How you doing mate?
28:22That is fantastic.
28:23I've just come all the way from Memphis.
28:24I've just come all the way from Memphis.
28:26Come in!
28:28Oh wow.
28:29Nice.
28:29Who's that?
28:30John Fash.
28:32How you doing mate?
28:33Oh, I'm doing okay.
28:34A bit asking.
28:34Are you lonesome?
28:36I'm lonesome.
28:37Don't you know any others?
28:38Here we have the avocado guys.
28:40This is a beautiful starter.
28:43Not very complicated though.
28:45The vinegary.
28:47Hang on.
28:48The vinegary is over there.
28:50That's just straight vinegar.
28:52Into the avocado.
28:54He finishes by garnishing with some ground pepper.
28:57This looks good.
28:58Maybe in a Meals on Wheels kind of a way.
29:00Here it is.
29:01Avocado vinaigrette without the vinaigrette and bruised at that.
29:04Have a look at that.
29:06Yes, have a look at that.
29:07Thank you, Frankie.
29:08Razor.
29:09Top man.
29:09No, that's it.
29:10I hope you like this, guys.
29:12All right.
29:13This is one of my favourites.
29:15Impressed, Razor.
29:16I am found, huh?
29:18Shall we say a prayer to the good lord?
29:19I think so.
29:20Make it a short one.
29:21Like the starter.
29:22We hope this food is what you like.
29:23It's been blessed by David Icke.
29:25Great.
29:26Another good one, Frankie.
29:28No, no.
29:28Never lets you down.
29:29Unless he's cooking.
29:30Ooh, harsh.
29:31May I ask what is the liqueur on top?
29:33Vineyard grey.
29:35Vineyard?
29:35Did you just make that wine out of the bag?
29:37Pulled that one out of the bag, I think.
29:39I love vinegar.
29:40I love that.
29:41I love that.
29:42It's Andy Gray's cover.
29:43The vinegar was very bitter.
29:45And even Razor.
29:46And Razor, he will eat anything.
29:49For Razor to reject it, it tells you that wasn't so good.
29:53It was just avocado cut in half with vinegar on it and pepper.
29:57So, it took the easy option.
29:59When you was playing, was there special diets when you played?
30:01We were just sensible with food.
30:02We didn't overdo things.
30:03Pre-match meals.
30:03Would you have pre-match meals?
30:05Was it like, will we have tea?
30:06Pre-match meals, my pre-match meals, always fish.
30:08Fish.
30:08I love white fish.
30:10Well, you are.
30:11At 30, top flight, I was finished.
30:13I was 30.
30:13But in our area.
30:15If I hadn't had a diet, I'd have been top flight for a longer time.
30:17Would you have, Colton?
30:18West Bromwich with steak and beans and all that.
30:20But then, you know, you have a steak at quarter past 12.
30:23The dietician people are telling me that there's not a cat in L's chance
30:27that can be digested before you kick off at 3 o'clock.
30:30I would have known QPR with Vinnie Jones.
30:32He said he'd never used to eat.
30:34I said, why don't you eat during the games?
30:35It's because I'm horrible when I'm hungry.
30:38And talking of horrible, actually, maybe it doesn't look too bad for once.
30:41We've got nice mushrooms in there.
30:43We're not too many mushrooms, aren't they?
30:45Otherwise, there won't be mushroom for anything else, right?
30:49Oh, dear.
30:50Right.
30:52My pasta guys, I'm not quite pasta hit.
30:56Now even Carol's given up humouring him.
30:59You never lose it, do you?
31:00I wish you were as good at your cooking.
31:02As good?
31:04Finally, the main's ready.
31:06Frank's take on school dinners.
31:08This ain't bad, is it?
31:09This isn't very nice.
31:10It ain't bad?
31:10No, it is very nice.
31:12Beautiful.
31:13One of the best homemade bolognases I've ever had.
31:15Spaghetti bolognase was lovely.
31:17I think Carol might have cooked that, or had something to do with that.
31:21Where did you meet Carol?
31:22I first met Carol in a club called The Rum Runner,
31:25where she was going out with Michael Barrow, who managed Duran Duran.
31:29Right?
31:29Carol, come here.
31:30Carol, come here.
31:31Come here.
31:32Sit down.
31:33Right.
31:34Yeah.
31:34He nicked you off Duran Duran's manager?
31:36No, I was engaged to him.
31:37Whoa!
31:39And Franky nicked you.
31:41Franky nicked you.
31:42Franky nicked you.
31:44Franky nicked you.
31:46Hey, Franky.
31:48Tonight's good atmosphere.
31:49I think we needed a good atmosphere and a good drink after fascist night.
31:53Give me your last game.
31:5450-50 tackle.
31:55Ryan Giggs.
31:56Giggs, he came in late, snapped my knee ligaments.
31:59That was the last game I played.
32:00As I was being carried off the stretcher, I was actually very happy that premature ending.
32:05This has ended this.
32:06This is it.
32:0750,000.
32:07Old Trafford.
32:08Giggs, accident.
32:10Not his fault.
32:11But what a way to go out.
32:12I wouldn't tell you my last game, but I'm going to tell you the last game when I thought
32:15it was all over.
32:17Coventry against Arsenal at Ivory.
32:20Thierry Henry was in his pomp.
32:23He tortured me.
32:24Absolutely tortured me.
32:25I said to Gordon Strachan, I said, it's all over for me.
32:29Gordon says, well, give it the weekend.
32:31Have a think about it, Colton.
32:32I phoned my dad and my dad says, it's all over.
32:37It's all over.
32:38Get out.
32:39And so's the main.
32:40Time to dish up dessert.
32:41This looks really, really stunning dessert.
32:46M&S, watch out.
32:48That's right.
32:48Talk it up, Frank.
32:49Someone's got to.
32:52We need some red wine, mate.
32:53Red wine?
32:54Oh, it's the ongoing pizza.
32:55OK.
32:56We need some red wine.
32:57This is called Redmon.
32:58Ha ha ha.
33:01Put it on there.
33:02Put it on there.
33:02Put it on there then.
33:03Go on, come on.
33:03Quick, quick, quick.
33:06That doesn't it, though?
33:09Yes, please.
33:09Red, please.
33:10Beautiful, Frank.
33:11Is it nice?
33:12What's fresh laughing at?
33:14Marvellous.
33:14What you're laughing at?
33:16Come on.
33:18He just put all of it in his gob at one day.
33:20Look.
33:21Look at that, look. Who threw that?
33:22Frank, look. One go.
33:28You can't do that on his gear!
33:38Frank, I would like to congratulate you for a wonderful evening.
33:41I'll tell you what. This evening is different.
33:43That was beautiful. Yes.
33:44I don't know who drew the gun first. I do.
33:46Whether it was Colt. No.
33:48Whether it was Razor. No.
33:49Whether it was even me. Yes.
33:50I don't know.
33:51But all I know is Jelly moved around.
33:54Not up to Fashion Razors. I'm going to score it as a five.
33:59Not sure about the food, but lovely evening.
34:01Frank, I'm giving you seven.
34:03He was getting a six, but after the food fight with the Jelly, he's getting a seven.
34:08Because I didn't have to eat it.
34:10And that sees Frank score 19.
34:12Not enough to knock Razor off the top spot.
34:19It's day four, and in Sheffield, final host Carlton Palmer is feeling confident.
34:24Mine will be the best menu, because it's the most difficult.
34:29But to make sure he pulls it off, he's having a final practice with chef pal Chris, who's helped him
34:34put the whole menu together.
34:36Right, Carlton. That's what we're cooking.
34:37And Christian's making no allowances for his protégé's inexperience.
34:41Watch your fingers.
34:42Yeah, I've got it.
34:43Just fillet it.
34:44Steady.
34:45I need these fingers.
34:45You've got your fingers off.
34:46Nice, isn't it Carlton?
34:47Sorry mate, sorry mate.
34:49Concentrate Carlton.
34:49I'm concentrating.
34:50Yes, concentrate Carlton.
34:52Look, not too much of the oil.
34:53Sorry.
34:54In fact, no.
34:55Let's start again.
34:56Let's start again.
34:56Crikey, he's not messing around.
34:58I'll try and speed up a bit.
34:59Yeah, I think...
35:00That's not quite central, is it?
35:01No.
35:01Oh, that'll do.
35:03Right.
35:03What, like this way Chris?
35:05Yeah, a bit like that one to the crossover.
35:07Alright.
35:08That's it Carlton.
35:09That's yours.
35:10That's mine.
35:12And whose do you reckon looks the better?
35:13Mine.
35:14Honest is the best policy and hopefully the no-nonsense tuition has whipped Carlton into shape
35:19because his starter is the complicated sounding baked crab pot with Swiss cheese and whole grain mustard.
35:25Ooh, get him!
35:27This smells of Carlton's wife.
35:31Cut!
35:32It has the look, the imprint, everything to do with that wonderful wife of his.
35:37Oh, ye of little faith.
35:39With Mrs P nowhere in sight, Carlton adds egg to crab meat.
35:43So I'll crack the egg, just get rid of the rest and here we go.
35:48Actually, I didn't do that very well.
35:49No, you didn't.
35:51No, that wasn't good to be fair.
35:53He then adds cheese, cream and whole grain mustard.
35:56I just want the lads to think, bloody hell, he's cooked that to CP.
36:01They're gonna take some convincing.
36:03If he pulls that off, I'll give him £1,000 myself.
36:06I defy Carlton Palmer to be able to produce that.
36:11He finishes the crab off with some tarragon.
36:14I hope I haven't ruined it with that egg.
36:17Before dishing it up into ramekins to be baked when his guests arrive.
36:20Bang, we're ready.
36:23And it's on to the main.
36:25Grilled line-caught sea bass with pesto-crushed potatoes, sauce vierge and balsamic syrup.
36:31And no, he's not joking, folks.
36:33Grilled fillet of line-caught sea bass.
36:38Well, Carlton has never put a hyphen in a sentence in his life.
36:42I'm really looking forward to this one.
36:45This is good.
36:46We'll see.
36:47For now, Carlton's concentrating on his sauce vierge.
36:50I'm not particularly brilliant at this, to be honest with you.
36:53To the tomatoes, he adds olives, chives, spring onions, lemon juice and olive oil.
36:59So there you go.
37:01Ready.
37:02Voila.
37:02He'll prepare the rest of his main later, which just leaves his dessert.
37:06Bailey's cheesecake with strawberry compote.
37:09As we say in France, pas pour moi.
37:12Not for me.
37:13Très bon, Francois.
37:15Carlton adds a cream cheese mixture to a homemade biscuit base before garnishing with chocolate.
37:20Then it goes into the fridge to set while he boils sugar and water for his compote.
37:23I'm just going to gently stir it.
37:25And it looks like some overconfidence is beginning to creep in.
37:28I've absolutely nailed it.
37:29Absolutely nailed it.
37:30As long as I don't burn the sea bass tonight and get that just right.
37:34Because fish is one of those things, isn't it?
37:35But it's not all going to plan.
37:37No.
37:38I think it's...
37:40It's not right.
37:41I've got to do it again.
37:42I think I burnt it, to be honest with you.
37:44No, it's not right.
37:45So we'll do it again.
37:47And to make matters worse, you've stuck it to the sink.
37:49So let's get it off the sink before the missus kills me.
37:52She's going to kill me.
37:53Take two.
37:55Carlton has another go.
37:56And this time it works.
37:57He then adds his strawberries.
37:58Oh, blimey.
37:59I've just got to go and buy the missus a new set of pots now.
38:02Cool.
38:03Don't worry about that now.
38:04There's just time for Carlton to slip into full kit for his World Cup-themed night.
38:09Nice legs.
38:10Ahem.
38:10Sorry.
38:13First up, in Nigeria's colours, Fash the Bash.
38:16Welcome to the Palmer Airport.
38:17Steady, Carlton.
38:18Steady, bro.
38:20How you doing, Fash?
38:20Good to see you, man.
38:20How you doing, bro?
38:21Good to see you.
38:22Next in, representing Brazil, it's Huddersfield's answer to Pele, Frank Worthington.
38:28My good friend, how you doing?
38:30Legendary Brazil, Steve.
38:31Good to see you, mate.
38:33Good to see you, mate.
38:33Thanks very much for a lovely evening last night.
38:35Hard on his heels and already eating is honorary Dutchman, Reza Ruddock.
38:40I'm coming, I'm coming.
38:42I can only be one person.
38:44Good evening, Mr Ruddock.
38:45Hello, England's number four.
38:46How are you?
38:47How are you doing, mate?
38:48Can we do a little something, Frankie, just before we start, General?
38:51What's this, Fash?
38:52Colton, I think you will bear testimony.
38:55The old England team, some big names there.
38:58Massive.
38:58Colton, can you do the footballer's oath?
39:00I cooked all the food that you are going to eat tonight.
39:05The only thing I have done is I have sought lessons to cook because I have never cooked before.
39:11Oh!
39:13Oh!
39:13Hey!
39:14All right!
39:16It's taken lessons from his pal, but good luck to him because he made the effort to do well and
39:22please people.
39:23Going up, revelations from the past.
39:25Fash was the first player to wear coloured boots.
39:28Everyone laughed.
39:29So everybody laughed?
39:30I didn't know that.
39:32Table football mayhem.
39:34Yes!
39:34Oh!
39:35Yes!
39:36Yes!
39:37Yes!
39:38Yes!
39:39Yes!
39:40Yes!
39:42Yes!
39:44Yes!
39:44Yes!
39:45It's the final day of the competition among our ex-England stars, and Colton Palmer is pinning his hopes for
39:50the £1,000 charity prize on a surprisingly professional menu.
39:54But his rivals won't be giving up without a fight.
39:57Frankie, I don't see fish forks.
40:00No.
40:00No.
40:01Good point.
40:02It's a problem, Frankie.
40:03Good point.
40:04It's like anything.
40:04Big game.
40:05You want it to go right, don't you?
40:07Right.
40:07Can't wait.
40:08Let's get them out.
40:09Let's get them out.
40:10I think they're ready.
40:11I think you're right.
40:12Here they are.
40:13Baked crab pots.
40:16Colton, which set of cutlery shall I use?
40:20Outside in.
40:21Outside, thank you.
40:22Outside in.
40:41Exquisite.
40:42Frankie, wonderful word.
40:44Wonderful.
40:45Exquisite.
40:45I would call it again, succulent.
40:48Good Fash.
40:49I would call it again.
40:52That really comes into.
40:53Succulent.
40:54Fash come out with the old favourite.
40:56Succulent.
41:01I just hope I beat him.
41:03Please let me beat Fash.
41:04Excuse me.
41:05I'll get the girls to come and clear away.
41:07And I will be with you shortly.
41:09Right on.
41:10Are you going to get changed?
41:11Listen.
41:14Get a shot of that.
41:1544.
41:16Look at that.
41:17Been running today.
41:18They're looking mint cats.
41:19Wonderful.
41:21Wonderful.
41:21How many England cats?
41:2316 or 17, I believe.
41:25And look at that.
41:25You see all of them giving that.
41:27Well, he's got a two-pack there.
41:28It's OK.
41:28Very nice.
41:29OK.
41:32But Carlton's not taking his eye off the ball.
41:34Back in the kitchen, he removes his fish from under the grill.
41:37Absolutely beautiful.
41:38He then dishes up his sauce vierge.
41:40Potato now.
41:42In there.
41:43And tops it off with the sea bass.
41:45It looks good.
41:46Let's hope it tastes good.
41:47And here's something Carlton learnt earlier.
41:50Grilled sea bass with all the frills.
41:55Yeah.
41:56I hate to say it, but yeah.
41:59It's annoying me, because yeah.
42:00I didn't think he had it in it.
42:01Fraser.
42:02Frankie.
42:03Let me, please, please.
42:05Listen very carefully, gentlemen.
42:06Let's just hear these beans.
42:09Oh, yeah.
42:10That's a fish.
42:12A bit of potato.
42:13Not too much.
42:18You did say not too much.
42:20Mmm.
42:21Mmm.
42:21Mmm.
42:22Mmm.
42:22Mmm.
42:24Yeah.
42:27The fish just right, Fash.
42:29Lovely fish just right.
42:32I thought that that was one that surely Colton was going to trip up on.
42:37He absolutely annihilated me.
42:39I'm a real fish lover.
42:42And I thought tonight was excellent.
42:45I remember Fash was the first player to wear coloured boots.
42:49God bless you, sir.
42:50All right.
42:51The audience fancy down boots they wear now.
42:53Yes.
42:53Early 90s.
42:54Fash used to wear coloured boots.
42:55Red boots.
42:57First man to do it.
42:59When they come out, everyone laughed.
43:00So everybody laughed.
43:01I didn't know that.
43:02All that.
43:02Yeah.
43:04That's a bit painful.
43:05Believe me, my friend.
43:07Behind your back.
43:08Everyone laughed.
43:09I like the truth.
43:11I can walk away tonight, the whole week, and say I learnt one thing.
43:15For 15 years, I was the first person to wear red, bright, shiny football boots.
43:21And everybody thought I was a bloody fool.
43:23Oh, dear.
43:24Let's get on with dessert.
43:25Oh, my gosh.
43:28Oh.
43:28My.
43:29Gosh.
43:31Do you want to pay me now?
43:32Don't count that charity money quite yet, Carlton.
43:35They've got to taste it first.
43:37Well, I don't like Baileys, the drink, OK?
43:39Right, OK.
43:40But you shouldn't really...
43:41No, no, no.
43:42I'm sorry.
43:43I'm just going to...
43:44Please.
43:51Oi!
43:52Come on, Sophie!
43:54Bastard.
43:54Good boy!
43:56I hate them.
43:57I hate them.
43:57That's just one.
43:58Razor?
43:58I hate him.
43:59He put himself under a lot of pressure, because the first two he nailed, and we made him under
44:03pressure to make the third course.
44:06And he'd come through it with flying colours.
44:08That dinner was worthy of a world championship medal.
44:12Congratulations.
44:12Razor.
44:13Cheers.
44:14Subtly put.
44:15Can I tell you that?
44:15Well done.
44:15Thank you very much indeed.
44:18Subtly put.
44:19But it's not all over yet.
44:21Carlton has one more surprise up his sleeve.
44:22His very own mini World Cup tournament.
44:25Oh!
44:26Steady.
44:26Oh!
44:27Steady.
44:28Steady.
44:28Steady.
44:28Steady.
44:43Steady.
44:43Frank grabs you like a bear, and he'll throw you from pillar to post before he realises
44:48he's broken both your arms.
44:50Watch out, Fash.
44:50You're finally about to win something.
44:58Steady.
45:00Steady.
45:00Steady.
45:01Steady.
45:02Steady.
45:02Brazil.
45:03England.
45:04Brazil.
45:05England.
45:06Yes.
45:07Absolutely brilliant.
45:08Certain things never go away from you, and when you've got that cup in your hands,
45:13that is everything that you, you know, you want to achieve.
45:16We won the cup.
45:17We won the cup.
45:18Nigeria.
45:18E-I-N-E-O.
45:20We won the cup.
45:21Time for the scores that really matter, and Razor with 23 is the man to beat.
45:25I've got to go with a nine.
45:31Roadblock.
45:32That is the best meal I've ever had outside a restaurant.
45:37Carlton Palmer, for that, you get a ten.
45:40Well done, son.
45:42All right, lads.
45:42Here we go.
45:43As host for the night, it's up to Carlton to announce the winner of the £1,000 charity prize.
45:48Look at...
45:49Oh!
45:53Let's reveal.
45:54Please let me be fashionable.
45:56Yeah.
45:57In fourth place...
45:59This is horrible!
46:00Oh, no!
46:01Where's it all going to end?
46:04Fashion.
46:04Yeah!
46:06I have won!
46:08I have won!
46:08Once in my life!
46:11Razor?
46:14In third place...
46:17Frank!
46:17Oh!
46:19Oh!
46:20I'm still involved.
46:22I'm still involved.
46:22All right.
46:23All right.
46:23All right.
46:24And in second place...
46:25Is Razor Ruddock!
46:28So that means...
46:31Colton...
46:32Oh!
46:32Oh!
46:34Oh!
46:36Oh!
46:37Oh!
46:38Oh!
46:39Oh!
46:43Well, my nickname is Worthy, but he was...
46:47Carlton was an absolute worthy winner.
46:49Yeah.
46:49There always has to be one winner.
46:52Unfortunately...
46:52And we didn't have lessons.
46:54Yes!
46:56That should be devastating.
46:58That's come last.
46:59That'd be gutted.
47:00But to be fair, he was rubbish cook.
47:03I don't look at his fourth place.
47:05You know, it might be fourth place, but I'm not going to accept it's fourth place.
47:08Don't spill it.
47:09She'll grill you.
47:10I'm totally, totally delighted, as you can see.
47:13I'm sober tonight, but not for long.
47:15Come on, England!
47:16Come on, England!
47:16I'm not doing anybody else.
47:18Come on.
47:18Rooney, I've got you, son.