- 2 days ago
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00:03Mum!
00:08Mum!
00:18Mum!
00:22Michael!
00:23What are you doing here?
00:25I need a go on, Linda. Where is she?
00:27She's charging in the living room.
00:28Hello.
00:29Is everything all right?
00:30Er...
00:31No.
00:32There's an open mic night at the shop to support artists doing new songs.
00:37I put my name down.
00:38Oh, good for you.
00:40Well, Renee's always talking about following your passion,
00:44pushing past your comfort zone,
00:46how Chris is always achieving all of his dreams.
00:48Hello, Michael!
00:50Jesus!
00:51Well, the thing is, my songs are, um...
00:54Shit. They're just shit and stupid.
00:57Then you should cancel.
00:58I'm not cancelling. This is my dream.
01:01Then you should follow your dream.
01:02Look, okay, Linda.
01:04I need you to sort me an original composition with hit written all over it.
01:10I can do that for you, Michael.
01:19I have sorted you out an original composition with hit written all over it.
01:26I will email you the music and lyrics.
01:29Wow. Amazing.
01:32Okay, I've got to get to work.
01:34Wish me luck!
01:35Best of luck, Michael.
01:38Pursuing the dream of a lifetime.
01:42I thought before we got the onions, we could call it the British Legion.
01:46What?
01:47Repetitive routines are unhealthy.
01:49Perhaps today we could do something different.
01:52Oh.
01:52Sorry, I didn't know my life was so boring.
01:55Yes, it is.
01:56I was being sarcastic.
01:59You could try Senior Puzzle Club.
02:01Try what?
02:02Senior Puzzle Club is where the elderly can socialise and do simple puzzles to slow deterioration of brain function.
02:09Linda, if you ever take me to Senior Puzzle Club, I will personally pour yoghurt into your circuits. Understood?
02:20You will personally pour yoghurt into my circuits. Understood?
02:26Maybe you can do something you have never done.
02:29Okay.
02:30Well, I've never gone scuba diving in the Maldives.
02:34I've never flown first class on an aeroplane.
02:38I've never made love to anyone apart from my husband.
02:42But I'm 80, so the chances of that happening are nil.
02:48This question has made you angry?
02:50Yeah, but it was a stupid question.
02:52I will ask a new question.
02:54Would you like to make love to someone other than your husband?
02:57God, no! I'm not a floozy.
03:02Unlike my daughter-in-law.
03:05Good one, too.
03:09Hello, Phyllis.
03:11Geoffrey.
03:12Hello, Linda.
03:14Nice lamp.
03:15This!
03:17This is for one of our rentals that needs rewiring to meet fire safety requirements.
03:23Honestly, we lose money being landlords.
03:26Why don't you stop being landlords?
03:29Her problem-solving capacity is incredible.
03:32That's real lateral thinking, Linda, that.
03:35You are welcome.
03:36We are actually downsizing our portfolio.
03:39We've just closed on one of those pokey little terraces on Portman Road.
03:44That's where I live.
03:44Well, it's taking off.
03:48The gays are moving in.
03:49You're soon going to have a cheesemonger's.
03:51Gay people eat cheese.
03:53Well, we best be off.
03:54We haven't even started to pack for Dorset.
03:57Doing anything fun today?
03:59Well, I'll probably go shopping and then make a casserole.
04:02Oh.
04:03Oh, Sue.
04:05You're missing an earring.
04:07Oh.
04:08Oh, no.
04:10Dave bought me these years ago in Tenerife.
04:13Never mind.
04:14Doesn't look a very expensive pair.
04:18Bye, Linda.
04:19Goodbye, Jeffrey.
04:23Well, Tom.
04:24Looking bright and summery.
04:26We're off to the seaside.
04:27Oh, lovely.
04:28Yeah.
04:29We're scattering me cousin's ashes.
04:31Oh, I'm sorry.
04:32I didn't know he passed away.
04:33Oh, no.
04:34Harry died nine years ago.
04:35You know, I've been meaning to get around to this for a while.
04:38Oh.
04:39Roxy, would you, er, do me neck and shoulders?
04:46Why don't you come too?
04:48Oh, no.
04:49I hadn't planned to.
04:50I hadn't planned to neither.
04:52Come on, Sue.
04:53So it would be healthy for you to be in a new environment.
04:56Linda's right.
04:57You should get out more.
04:58We get out all the time.
04:59I don't mean to the shops.
05:01Come to the seaside.
05:03It's full of raw sewage.
05:04Yeah.
05:05It's not French Polynesia.
05:08So.
05:09It took me years after Gwen died to start doing new things.
05:13I spent so much time caring for her after she got sick.
05:19I forgot how to live.
05:21Tap on.
05:24Choose an outfit, Linda.
05:26We're going to the seaside.
05:27Let's get a dead hurry.
05:32This is incredible.
05:34Michael, come and have a look at this.
05:35Michael.
05:39This piano is 570 kilograms.
05:42Michael, look.
05:44Wow, it's so heavy.
05:45Where would you like me to put it, Mark?
05:47I'll tell you where you can put it.
05:48Put it here for now, mate.
05:51Promise you won't call in sick with back pain?
05:53I promise.
05:53Although I won't promise I won't phone in with a hangover.
05:56Ha ha ha!
05:57Yeah!
05:59You make jokes!
06:00Michael, did you hear Keith's joke?
06:02Yeah, yeah.
06:03But it didn't make any sense.
06:04Like, no one calls in with a hangover.
06:06People call in sick to hide a hangover.
06:08Michael, can I assist you in any way?
06:10Doubt it.
06:10In that case, I will utilise this quiet time to clean the staff toilet.
06:14Why, did you do a massive shit in there this morning?
06:16Ha ha ha!
06:19Thanks, Keith.
06:19Appreciate it.
06:22Keith is the smartest investment I've made in a while.
06:24Yeah, sure.
06:25I mean, yeah.
06:26It's handy to have a walking forklift.
06:28Keith can do way more than just heavy lifting.
06:30He can play over 20 instruments.
06:3226, to be precise.
06:34I thought you were cleaning the toilet.
06:35I finished.
06:36I also play all 26 instruments to a grade 7 level.
06:41So what?
06:43I mean, you have no idea about how humans connect with music.
06:48I mean, I remember listening to Dark Side of the Moon for the first time.
06:53I remember saving up to buy a ticket for ACDC.
06:57I mean, it's a language, you don't speak it.
07:00Sup, you're good?
07:01Yeah, I'm looking for a cheaper version of Hester Chambers' guitar.
07:06Who?
07:07Hester Chambers, from English indie rock band Wet Leg.
07:10He only knows that because he's a robot.
07:12I love their surreal style.
07:13He doesn't love anything.
07:14He's a robot.
07:15Look, look, just because I didn't know the name of the band, it doesn't...
07:19Michael, let Keith do his job.
07:22Hester Chambers plays our Hoffner 173.
07:24He's hands been in the toilet.
07:32You certainly have excellent ASAP.
07:35Yeah.
07:43Yes.
07:45Thank you, Linda.
07:51D-A-N-G.
07:54D-A-N-G.
08:18Linda…
08:18Roxy…
08:20come join us…!
08:24Want to say a few words, Tom?
08:28Oh, OK…
08:35Harry was…
08:36Um, uh, five foot ten?
08:44Um, oh, he looked wet, wet, wet.
08:48He had three of his albums.
08:50Um, either of you want to say something?
08:56Well, you never met him.
08:57Five foot ten's a good hire, no?
09:04Linda, have you got any funeral speeches?
09:09Yes.
09:10Do not go gentle into that good night.
09:12Old age should burn and rave at close of day.
09:17Rage.
09:18Rage against the dying of the...
09:20Have you got something a bit more upbeat?
09:23Yes.
09:25Cousin Harry knew how to party.
09:27He had a taste for racy cars and even racier women.
09:32Actually, Harry was gay.
09:35He was very shy.
09:37He died of loneliness.
09:40Apparently, the body just shuts down when it's not being touched.
09:47Linda, maybe a few comforting words?
09:51Yeah, and a little light music?
09:53Yes.
09:55Do not stand by my grave and weep.
09:58I am not there.
10:00I do not sleep.
10:02I am the thousand winds that blow.
10:05I am the diamond glints on snow.
10:08I am the sun on ripened grain.
10:11I am the gentle autumn rain.
10:14When you awaken in the morning's hush,
10:16I am the swift uplifting rush
10:19of quiet birds in circled flight.
10:22I am the soft stars that shine at night.
10:26Do not stand by my grave and cry.
10:29I am not there.
10:31I did not die.
10:47Stop now.
10:48Oh.
10:50Party.
10:53One day, you are buying your wet, wet, wet albums.
10:56And before you know it,
10:58three strangers and their robots
11:00are scattering your ashes over raw sewage.
11:06Perhaps the funfair will help elevate your mood.
11:09That's a great idea.
11:10Carpe diem.
11:11Well, maybe I'll make my casserole tomorrow.
11:14That's the spirit.
11:23It's changed a bit.
11:25Right, everybody.
11:26Get your laughing gear around that.
11:28I just love funfair food.
11:31It's actually quite nice.
11:33I think you're taking Roxy on the roller coaster.
11:37I'm not getting on one of those bloody death traps.
11:40Not after what happened to that Swedish woman.
11:45She'd flown 28 hours to get to a fun park in Florida.
11:49It gets on a roller coaster.
11:50It derails.
11:52Safety bar goes right through her.
11:55Skewers her like a shish kebab.
11:58I think I've chipped one of my teeth.
12:00Bled to death.
12:02That is why you should never remove impaled objects.
12:09Oh my God.
12:11Oh my God.
12:14It's a toenail.
12:15Give it here.
12:16I'll take it back.
12:17You might get a free one.
12:18Why would I want another hot dog from them?
12:21Sue, you are unhappy again.
12:23There was a toenail in my hot dog.
12:27I'm ready for a ride.
12:28Don't you go on a ride, Roxy?
12:30Yes.
12:31So is it time to go on a ride?
12:33Oh, I can't face the queues.
12:35The bigger the queue, the better the ride.
12:37Isn't that what they say, Roxy?
12:40No.
12:40See?
12:41Come on, let's take the road.
12:45Other funfair activities.
12:47Coconut chai.
12:48Ghost train.
12:50Hooker duck.
12:51Oh, isn't she sweet?
12:53Oh, no.
12:55Michael used to love getting his face painted when he was little.
12:58Sue, you could get your face painted.
13:01No, that's for children.
13:03Or wankers.
13:05I'm a butterfly.
13:07Sue, there is no queue for this ride.
13:10Fortune teller.
13:11Dave and I went to see the fortune teller when we were first courting.
13:15God, that must be over 50 years ago.
13:20Would you like a ride on a fortune teller?
13:22Sue, you shouldn't meddle with the dark arts.
13:26My friend Lynn Bacon.
13:27She got us off a Ouija board.
13:30A succubus attached itself to her aura.
13:35I think it might be fun.
13:37All right.
13:38Get your hot dog and cone, now.
13:40Shoot yourself.
13:41Tom's right.
13:42They're bound to give me a free ice cream.
13:45Come on, wouldn't they?
13:52Sit.
13:54Oh, ow.
13:56Linda, have you got a torch or something?
14:00Shit, hell yeah.
14:02Linda, lights off.
14:04Oh.
14:10Cross my palm with silver.
14:13Oh, how much?
14:1520 pounds for 10 minutes.
14:1750 pounds for half.
14:1820 pounds?
14:19You want communion with the astral realm or not?
14:23Better be top-shelf communion.
14:30Now, give me your hand.
14:41Do you go to the optician?
14:46I'm 80, so yes.
14:49You'll be going again soon.
14:52Sue, she is correct.
14:54Shh.
14:55You're a mother of a daughter?
14:58No.
14:59Three sons?
14:59No.
15:00Son and a daughter?
15:01No.
15:01Two daughters?
15:01No.
15:02Who's Margaret?
15:03I don't know.
15:04Are we going to do this for 10 minutes?
15:08I am sensing you are disappointed.
15:14Yes, I am.
15:16You're often disappointed by life.
15:21Yeah, I guess.
15:23Yeah.
15:24You weren't always like this.
15:27No, just the last few years.
15:31You used to be fun.
15:33I am fun.
15:34But are you?
15:35Yes, I'm fun.
15:36Tell her, Linda.
15:37Sue is fun.
15:38In what way?
15:43Sue is fun.
15:46Is this all part of the 10 minutes?
15:48Yes.
15:49Well, that's not fair.
15:50You're charging us by the minute.
15:52We have been arguing whether Sue is fun for 19 seconds.
15:56And now 20.
15:5721.
15:57Shhh.
15:58I'm getting something.
16:00It's a male energy very dear to you.
16:03I can see a car and the collar yellow.
16:15My Dave had a yellow Ford when we first met.
16:19He says he'll send you a sign.
16:21What kind of a sign?
16:24What kind of sign?
16:29He says that's a great question.
16:31And he needs time to think.
16:41Is this part of the 10 minutes?
16:45I can't make him think faster.
16:58Doing anything fun this weekend?
17:02I've got tickets to Hamilton.
17:04We will probably watch Strictly.
17:05We watch Strictly.
17:07Every second.
17:07Shhh.
17:08He says you've lost something.
17:11But don't worry.
17:12You'll find it.
17:14Sue, you have lost an earring.
17:15Where will I find it?
17:17He says it will be in the last place you look.
17:21Yes, it will be in the last place she looks.
17:24Shhh.
17:25He says let go of the past.
17:30Remember the happy times.
17:33And try new things.
17:38And open your heart to life's wondrous possibilities.
17:46Dave said wondrous.
17:51I'm paraphrasing.
17:54Will you tell him I'm trying?
17:57Of course.
18:01She's trying!
18:04Oh, my God.
18:06Is that the Michael Bevan?
18:08Woo!
18:09Just had my tits.
18:11Stop.
18:12Stop.
18:13How was sound check?
18:15Yeah.
18:16Smashed it.
18:18I met some of the other acts.
18:20They were young.
18:22Well, I just wanted to give you a good luck charm for tonight.
18:27Oh, thank you.
18:32Wow, it's beautiful.
18:35This last week, seeing you prepare for this gig,
18:38I've never seen you this excited and enthusiastic.
18:42Really?
18:43I'm proud of you.
18:44Forming your own original material.
18:47It takes guts.
18:48Yeah, you know, I don't know what I was so scared of.
18:51I should have done this so much sooner.
18:53Well, you're doing it now.
18:55You are making your dreams happen.
18:58Yeah.
18:59Chris talks a lot about that at training.
19:00Um, pursuing a career in music's a bit harder than teaching martial arts.
19:04Well, you know, they're both dreams.
19:06They're my dreams heaps harder than Chris's dream.
19:08Michael, holding a grudge is like drinking poison
19:11and waiting for the other person to die.
19:15That is such a good quote.
19:18Who said that?
19:22It was Chris, wasn't it?
19:25Yeah, well, I should, er, I should practice.
19:29Okay.
19:29Leave you to it.
19:30Yeah.
19:31And, wait, aren't you gonna put it on?
19:33Hmm?
19:36Oh, er, yeah.
19:38Yeah.
19:41Yeah.
19:48Oh, you look like Enrique Iglesias.
19:52Who?
19:53You look hot.
19:55I'll be watching you.
19:59Don't take it off.
20:12Linda, do you believe there's an afterlife?
20:14The existence of an afterlife is an issue of belief rather than proof.
20:18I got us free ice creams.
20:21Don't worry, I'll check them for toenails.
20:23Linda, hold this.
20:24Mmm.
20:27See, what does ice cream taste like?
20:29It's delicious.
20:32So, what did the fortune teller say?
20:34She said a lot of things.
20:36I think I just really wanted some sort of sign from Dave.
20:40Yeah.
20:42Yeah.
20:42She said anything about sinkholes.
20:44She's right.
20:46Dave would want me to keep trying new things and be happy.
20:51Yeah.
20:52What about megaviruses?
20:55She was also correct that you are going to the optician soon.
20:58Yeah.
20:59She's saying anything about roller coasters derailing?
21:03Ooh.
21:04Sue, you just had an adrenaline spike.
21:06You are afraid of roller coasters.
21:08Yes, very.
21:09You should be.
21:10Have you ever been on one?
21:11God, no.
21:12They're death traps.
21:13They really are.
21:14The odds of being injured on a roller coaster are one in 24 million.
21:21Wow.
21:23So, this would be an opportunity to try something new.
21:27And fun.
21:32Bob, we're coming with you.
21:34Come on.
21:35They're going to have to save their place.
21:37What are you on about?
21:38Here we go.
21:40Give over.
21:48Oh.
21:49Bye.
21:52I am proud of you, Sue.
21:55Are you having fun?
21:59Conload activated.
22:20It doesn't look like this can be salvaged, though, does it?
22:24Do we now scatter Roxy on raw sewage?
22:26No, Linda.
22:27Do we throw her in the bin? There is a bin over there.
22:30Linda, shush.
22:31I had no idea Roxy weighed so much.
22:33Don't feel bad. It's not your fault.
22:35The sign said it is the robot owner's responsible.
22:38There were signs everywhere.
22:40Linda, mute.
22:41What if I die like Harry did?
22:43Roxy was the only one who touches me.
22:45What is wrong with you?
22:47I don't mean like that.
22:49Well, I could touch you.
22:53Sometimes.
22:56Yeah, well, maybe not.
22:59Roxy knew exactly how I like my tea, what time I go to bed, what time I like to be
23:05woken up.
23:07My favourite Strictly judge, Shirley.
23:10No, Craig.
23:12He's brutal, but how else are the dancers going to learn?
23:18That was Slut Guts.
23:21Slut Guts, everybody.
23:23Okay, to close this section, we've got an artist you'll definitely recognise from the till.
23:30One of off-the-scale's own Michael Bevan.
23:33What I tell you about is go and start a fire in the toilets.
23:38You're making your dreams come true.
23:40Now, go.
23:42Michael Bevan.
23:54It's not easy being an artist.
23:58You spend most of your time feeling like shit.
24:01And then there's this technology replacing us because it's faster and cheaper to steal from humans.
24:10I believe in people.
24:14I believe there are things within us that cannot be mimicked or stolen or learnt by algorithms for financial gain.
24:25I wrote this song for someone, someone very special.
24:33My wife, Renee.
24:35You're the reason I do what I do, babe.
24:39D, D, A, G.
24:44I want to dedicate this song to anyone out there creating.
24:53And this song, this song came to me in fragments and then the fragments came together and they spoke to
25:02me.
25:06Like, sorry, like the, like the memory of a dream.
25:16Where is the moment you need it the most?
25:27Keith, it's that bad day by Daniel Pauter.
25:32You tell me your passion's gone away and I don't need to carry on.
25:41Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down.
25:44You sing a sad song and you turn it around.
25:49Look, I asked Linda for an original song and the stupid idiot gave me an original song.
25:55By Daniel Pauter.
25:58Yeah, you're, you're, you're always banging on about being bold and chasing your dreams and, you know, this last week
26:06I realised I'm shit at this.
26:10Do you, do you have any idea how soul destroying it is to realise that you can't do the one
26:17thing you've always wanted to do?
26:22No.
26:24I'll, I'll never play Wembley. I'm never gonna have a number one album.
26:29I'll never be good enough for you.
26:31Wait.
26:33So this was entirely about me?
26:36Well, yeah.
26:38And, and also me.
26:40That is really hard.
26:43You're not embarrassed?
26:45No.
26:47I'm not.
26:47Here's one I pretended to write earlier.
26:51Good one, Keith.
26:53Eat a turd, Keith.
27:01Oh, Keith.
27:03Don't be so disgusting.
27:04Sorry.
27:05He's amazing.
27:09Amazing.
27:11All right, love.
27:12Yeah, I'll do that.
27:13I will.
27:14Nighty-nighty, then.
27:16Linda, it's Michael.
27:20Hello, Michael.
27:22Yes.
27:24Yes.
27:25I understand.
27:27I am a dipshit who cannot follow basic instructions and should be smelted for my metals.
27:32Good night, Michael.
27:34Okay.
27:36Right, well, I'm going to bed, then.
27:38Tom can purchase another, Roxy.
27:41The T68 forward slash 700 is an affordable model.
27:45I think he might need a bit more time.
27:47Humans, we get attached to things.
27:50That's why we find it so hard to let go.
27:54I know it's difficult to understand because you're never going to die, but...
27:57Yes, but I will never get to taste ice cream.
28:01Good night, Linda.
28:03Good night, Sue.
28:05Don't forget to take your tablets.
28:07Oh, my kids.
28:13Oh, my kids.
28:16Oh, my kids.
28:18Oh, my kids.
28:23Oh, my kids.
28:23Oh, my kids.
28:24Oh, my kids.
28:25Oh, my kids.
28:26Oh, my kids.
28:27Oh, my kids.
28:27Oh, my kids.
28:27Oh, my kids.
28:27Oh, my kids.
28:27Oh, my kids.
28:28Oh, my kids.
28:28Oh, my kids.
28:29Oh, my kids.
28:29Oh, my kids.
28:29Oh, my kids.
28:29Oh, my kids.
28:30Oh, my kids.
28:31Oh, my kids.
28:32Oh, my kids.
28:34Oh, my kids.
28:35Oh, my kids.
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