00:00You playing any golf?
00:01A little bit.
00:02How's your sense of the rules?
00:03My dad taught me etiquette from a very young age and I'm a strict etiquette follower.
00:08I've had dinner with you. I disagree with that.
00:10What is that? I'm talking about golf, dude.
00:12So you learned golf etiquette, but not how to eat.
00:15I have table manners.
00:17Stop. Just because I get stains doesn't mean I fucking don't clean up after myself.
00:22Stop.
00:23I've watched you eat off a plate that was meant to be shared for the table with your fingers.
00:29You picked up your share with your hand and I'm pretty sure it was ceviche or something wet and raw.
00:37All right.
00:38I want to talk to you about golf and I want to talk to you about amateur golf
00:41because I think that the way that we play golf obviously is very different from the way that the pros
00:46play.
00:46I think there's a lot of new players out there.
00:49Yes.
00:50That may not know the rules.
00:51Do you know the stroke and distance rule?
00:53Maybe.
00:54Let's say we're playing a match against each other.
00:55Yes.
00:55You hit a tee shot and the ball looks lost, but there's a chance you'll find it.
01:01What do you do?
01:01You hit a provisional.
01:02Well done.
01:03That is exactly what you're supposed to do.
01:05Thanks.
01:05But let's say you thought you could find it.
01:07It didn't really look like it was in that bad of an area.
01:09You saw where it landed, but maybe the grass is kind of long.
01:13So you say, you know what?
01:13I'm not hitting provisional.
01:15How much time do you have to look for your ball?
01:17Two minutes.
01:19Three minutes.
01:19Okay.
01:20If you take more time than that, it's a penalty stroke.
01:22Okay.
01:22If you don't find your ball, what do you do?
01:25Re-tee.
01:25That is the correct PGA way to do it.
01:28You're supposed to run back and re-tee.
01:29It's a douchebag move because you should have hit a provisional in the first place.
01:32Yeah, and if you're out on the course and there's people behind you, it's a whole thing.
01:36Yeah, it slows down the pace of play.
01:37Yes.
01:38So there's a new rule called the two-stroke penalty.
01:41Okay.
01:42Kind of a local rule.
01:43It depends on the golf course, but most amateur golfers like us will allow for this.
01:47You'll take the place that you lost your ball.
01:50Approximately.
01:51Go to the nearest point of like fairway relief that is on the path to where the ball went out.
01:58Yep.
01:58And you drop your ball there and you take a two-stroke penalty.
02:01You're already hitting four.
02:02You're hitting four.
02:03Holy shit.
02:04I don't like that.
02:05Why is it so different from going back and re-teeing and hitting it in the fairway?
02:09No, it's fair.
02:10It's just I don't like the thought of hitting four already.
02:13It's a big number.
02:13It's a big number.
02:14You should have done better.
02:15I know.
02:16You shouldn't have hit it in the fucking tall shit.
02:17Okay.
02:18You act like I don't know my shit, dude.
02:20I know my shit.
02:22The entire premise of this show is that you don't know your shit.
02:25Yeah, but I know my shit with stuff that I know, which I've been playing golf my whole life.
02:29Okay.
02:30You didn't think I knew golf etiquette.
02:34You thought I was just some fat so who goes out there and drinks 15 beers and is driving on
02:41the green
02:41and fucking dropping balls out of his pocket?
02:45No, no, no.
02:46I have respect for the game.
02:47The beautiful game.
02:48Yogo Benito.
02:49Are you sure that you don't think that I thought that?
02:52Frankly, this is a lesson meant more for the people that I've played against.
02:56Okay, fair.
02:56All right, good.
02:57Yeah, let's say that you and I are on opposite teams in a match.
03:00We're playing a par 3.
03:02It's 180 yards and I hit my shot.
03:07And you're curious because you don't know how far you're supposed to hit it.
03:10Okay.
03:10And you say to me, yo, what'd you hit?
03:12Do that all the time.
03:13That's fine, right?
03:14Right.
03:14Wrong.
03:15I'm allowed to do that?
03:17You're not allowed to ask me what club I hit.
03:19That's not like a USGA rule.
03:21Sure is.
03:21It is?
03:22Absolutely.
03:23Wow.
03:23Okay, I didn't know that.
03:24Interesting.
03:25Can't do that.
03:25Interesting.
03:28You know that guy?
03:29No.
03:30Some people out there will know who I'm doing.
03:32Yeah, you're not allowed to ask me what club I used.
03:34So if I'm in a tournament and it's like actually like a regulated tournament?
03:38Even a match?
03:39Just with my boys?
03:41Would depend on how seriously they take the rules.
03:43Wow.
03:44But you asking them what club they hit should induce a one-stroke penalty.
03:48That's crazy.
03:49I didn't know that.
03:50Do you know about not being able to ground your club in a bunker?
03:53Of course.
03:54Okay.
03:56Of course, my horse.
03:56Now, what about...
04:00Do you remember the look of your fingers?
04:03How weird they look?
04:06It's moments like these where I'm really close to finding the thought I was looking for and
04:11then I lose it because you're being so obnoxious.
04:15Let's say that we're playing in a match.
04:16It's you and me versus two of our buddies, right?
04:19Let's say that we all get up to the green and you're off the green.
04:23You're in a bunker.
04:24But the green's enormous.
04:26And one of our opponents is on the absolute far, far edge of the green.
04:32They're like 40 feet away from the pin.
04:34But your bunker, you're like 35 feet away, right?
04:38Who goes first?
04:39Me.
04:40Why?
04:40Because I'm not on the green.
04:42Wrong.
04:43No matter what, it's whoever is farthest away from the pin.
04:48Even if someone's on the green and you're not, they're supposed to go first.
04:54It is forever who is away.
04:56Really?
04:57Truly.
04:59Let's say that someone is on the fringe and the pin is seven feet on, eight feet on the
05:07green from the fringe.
05:08Yeah.
05:09They're not on the green, but they're super close, right?
05:12And then someone is 40 feet away with a gigantic downhill putt, double breaker, all this stuff.
05:19You're much closer to the hole than they are.
05:22They go first.
05:24Even when?
05:25Even when you're in a bunker.
05:26I did not know that.
05:28I thought it was, everyone had to be on the green.
05:31No.
05:32Wow.
05:32Look at how valuable this is.
05:33They do that on tour?
05:34Yeah.
05:35You were so resistant to this lesson.
05:37I wasn't resistant.
05:39I just think I know.
05:40You think I'm one of those sloppy guys that comes out there.
05:43You think I think something that I don't necessarily think.
05:45You think I'm one of those guys, the new players that just don't know any of the rules.
05:49I'm not.
05:50I don't think that.
05:51I have a lot of respect for the beautiful game.
05:53Yogo Benito.
05:54Two things can be true.
05:54I want to stop saying the Brazilian soccer slogan.
05:58It doesn't apply here.
06:03Those are the big rules.
06:05I'll add one last one as a little bonus.
06:07Let's say that your ball's in the rough, right?
06:09And in front of you is some rocks, and you're trying to hit it through the rocks or whatever
06:18to get back on the fairway.
06:20Can you move those rocks?
06:30No.
06:31Depends on if they're considered loose impediments.
06:34Okay.
06:35Right?
06:35So if they're like sitting on top of the ground, yeah, you can move them.
06:39Okay.
06:39What if they're like wedged?
06:42Buried into, half buried in the ground, I don't think you can move them.
06:47Then we're getting into semantics.
06:49No.
06:50Yes.
06:50We are getting into...
06:51What if one's half wedged?
06:53Yeah.
06:54Well, that would be a tough one.
06:55Exactly.
06:57Yeah.
06:57Semantics.
06:57What about if there is long grass in front of your ball?
07:01Can you kind of push that aside and create a little bit of a path?
07:05No.
07:05Definitely not.
07:06Definitely not.
07:07In front of the ball, behind the ball, can't do it.
07:10What about branches?
07:12No, you can't.
07:13Can I like stand on a branch?
07:15No.
07:16Fuck that.
07:16You have to take a natural stance over the ball and address the ball the way that you would
07:23as if it were just in the fairway.
07:25So you can't lean back, crack all the branches behind you with your gigantic body, and then
07:34create this newfound broken branch thicket, den, from which to take a swing.
07:41It's semantics.
07:42Because what if I accidentally get my huge wagon turkey ass and hit a branch and it moves a little
07:48bit?
07:49That would depend on if you were just addressing the ball correctly or not.
07:53Semantics.
07:54So those are the rules of the ball.
07:56Oh yeah, if you're watching, this is important stuff.
07:59Important stuff.
08:00All the new players out there.
08:01Cool.
08:01Thanks, Francis.
08:02Got it, Dana.
08:03Appreciate you.
Comments