- 5 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:02The End
00:01:44I can't stand it anymore.
00:01:46Please let me down.
00:01:48Please.
00:01:49Help.
00:01:51Let me down.
00:01:52Please help.
00:01:54All right.
00:01:54Cut.
00:01:55Cut.
00:01:56Cut.
00:01:56Cut.
00:01:56Listen, dear.
00:01:57I'll sue you.
00:01:58Just have a blame if you don't get me down from here.
00:02:01All right.
00:02:01Let him down.
00:02:03Oh, my God.
00:02:03I should have known a man couldn't take it.
00:02:05Please let me down.
00:02:06They're all the same.
00:02:08Oh.
00:02:08Mind the air.
00:02:09Now, please get out the...
00:02:11Ow.
00:02:11Mind me ankles.
00:02:12Mind me ankles.
00:02:14Now, get out the way, you silly bitch.
00:02:15Now, come on.
00:02:16Move out the one.
00:02:16Get it off, dear.
00:02:18You're a sadist, dear.
00:02:19You're a monster.
00:02:21You don't care what you do to get a good few feet of film.
00:02:23I'm calling my agent and my lawyer, not to mention my tailor.
00:02:27Ow.
00:02:28I'll sue you, dear.
00:02:29I will.
00:02:29I'll sue you.
00:02:30Female chauvinist cow.
00:02:32You've got to find me another actor.
00:02:34I want a man immediately.
00:02:36It's impossible.
00:02:37These screencasts are too hard.
00:02:40Men are frail little beings, helpless.
00:02:43They can't stand the rigors of a loose-habit film.
00:02:47I want another actor immediately.
00:02:49You're an agent.
00:02:50That's what agents do.
00:02:54Somewhere.
00:02:56Somewhere there must be a man.
00:02:59Gentle, yet brave enough to face whatever the future holds in store.
00:03:37No chance.
00:03:39We're wasting each other's time, loose-habit.
00:03:42The ship is loaded.
00:03:43We sail at dawn.
00:03:44That's your problem.
00:03:46No actor in his right mind would go off to parts unknown,
00:03:49into darkest Africa with you.
00:03:50You're a sadist.
00:03:52Rubbish.
00:03:52I'm not a sadist.
00:03:54I wouldn't ask anybody to do what my crew or I wouldn't do.
00:03:57We're wind-loof, brave, strong, and fearless.
00:04:01For years the critics have been saying my films are great.
00:04:05But I need a love interest.
00:04:08I want a male.
00:04:10Delicate and beautiful.
00:04:12You take too many risks.
00:04:14You kill anybody to make your movies.
00:04:17I'll find one, with or without you.
00:04:21A sweet, gentle thing that will be braved when called upon
00:04:26and will follow me to the ends of the earth.
00:04:30I'll search every nook and cranny.
00:04:40Queen Kong is the chick with all the hair.
00:04:56Queen Kong, Queen Kong, come from I don't know where.
00:05:18She's the queenie, queenie for my weenie.
00:05:25When I'm feeling mighty spunky, I want to do it with my honky monky.
00:05:33Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen Kong.
00:05:40Kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong.
00:05:44Queen Kong.
00:05:45Queen, queen, kong, kong, kong.
00:05:54All right on, Queenie.
00:06:17She's the queenie, who ain't teeny.
00:06:20She's the queenie, queenie.
00:06:22What are you doing?
00:06:23What do you think I am, a thief or something?
00:06:25It's all gone mad.
00:06:29Toffee apples. Lovely toffee apples. Come on, darling. Toffee. Toffee apples.
00:06:33Tip edgy.
00:06:40Are you gonna pay for that, old son?
00:06:42What?
00:06:43Are you gonna pay for that toffee apple?
00:06:45No, I'll pay the other fella. I'll pay the other fella.
00:06:48I'm not giving them away for nothing, am I?
00:06:49Nah, go on.
00:06:50Come on.
00:06:51No nothings, Will.
00:06:56I'll pay the other fella.
00:06:58I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:03I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:05I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:09I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:13I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:18I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:18I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:19I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:21I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:23I'll pay the other fella.
00:07:28Ah.
00:07:34Ah, morning.
00:07:36How much is that composter in the window?
00:07:38Oh, 60 quid.
00:07:40It is a classic film of all times.
00:07:43This is the original reproduction.
00:07:46Oh, really?
00:07:4760 quid, eh?
00:07:49Right.
00:08:05Oh, my leg! My leg!
00:08:08Where is he, the little Italian fink?
00:08:10Come here, I'm going to sue you.
00:08:12Oh, my leg!
00:08:13Mamma mia!
00:08:14Please, calm yourself.
00:08:16Please, somebody will carry him into this shop.
00:08:20Oh, I am so sorry.
00:08:21That's you finished, mate.
00:08:22It's the end of your game.
00:08:23Piano, piano.
00:08:24Oh!
00:08:25Ah!
00:08:27Oh!
00:08:28Oh!
00:08:28Put him in the chair.
00:08:29Oh!
00:08:29Careful, careful.
00:08:31Thank you, thank you, thank you very much indeed.
00:08:33And now I will make us...
00:08:35Oh!
00:08:35I am sorry.
00:08:36I will make us a cup of tea.
00:08:38And everything will be a little bit better, eh?
00:08:40As my old English mama always say,
00:08:43there is nothing like a cup of tea.
00:08:45Oh!
00:08:46Oh!
00:08:47Oh!
00:08:48Oh!
00:08:50Ah!
00:08:51Ah!
00:08:56Milk, sugar.
00:09:02Figlia di Puntana!
00:09:08Oh!
00:09:26Oh!
00:09:27Hey!
00:09:28Please, please!
00:09:28You cut back, please!
00:09:30Ah!
00:09:31Oh!
00:09:31Oh!
00:09:31Here you go!
00:09:32I'm going to call it the cops!
00:09:36Here's 60 quid for your poster.
00:09:39Here, what about them oranges, then? Who's going to pay for them, then?
00:09:42All right. Buy yourself some real fruit.
00:09:46Thank you, Miss.
00:09:46I'm taking this peach with me.
00:09:57Hello.
00:10:00Sorry to trouble you, but have you got a joint?
00:10:03Oh, go on, just one.
00:10:05It's always the same, man. Just one more.
00:10:09Go on, beat it, man. Beat it.
00:10:12Well, I do beat it, but the Pope says it's wrong.
00:10:15Ray?
00:10:16Thanks, chaps.
00:10:21Your drink.
00:10:23Oh, ta. Cheers.
00:10:36Waitress, could I have a sack, please?
00:10:45Full steam ahead.
00:10:48A star is born.
00:10:58Burn your bra, burn your panties.
00:11:00Call your ma, call your aunties, and ship off on.
00:11:04The liberated ladies.
00:11:06It's a new dance.
00:11:09Sweep in every nation.
00:11:10And they swing to the beat of Quibbit's liberation.
00:11:16Ladies dancing into the fearsome lion's den.
00:11:20Fighting for the rightful places next to men.
00:11:24Grab a Honda with Jane Fonda.
00:11:27Cheer a cheer with Jermaine Greer.
00:11:29Let's ship off on.
00:11:30The liberated ladies.
00:11:35Paris, London, Tokyo, and Rome.
00:11:39Still say a woman's place is in the home.
00:11:44New York, Dublin, Madrid, Peking, and Munich.
00:11:48Ladies are swinging to the beat of the female unit.
00:11:53Swing and sweep, fix the ring.
00:11:55Muck the nearest male chauvinist pick.
00:11:57Let's ship off on.
00:11:59The liberated lady.
00:12:01Burn your bra, burn your panties.
00:12:04Call your ma, call your aunties, and ship off on.
00:12:07The liberated lady.
00:12:10Let's ship off on.
00:12:12The liberated lady.
00:12:14Let's ship off on.
00:12:16The liberated lady.
00:12:43The sea is like a woman unfolding her vast mystery before us.
00:12:48Relentlessly.
00:12:51Relentlessly.
00:12:52Relentlessly.
00:12:54What a great line.
00:12:56I wish I'd said that.
00:13:09How are you feeling?
00:13:13What time does this pub dock?
00:13:15And what am I doing here?
00:13:17Uh-huh.
00:13:18You signed this contract.
00:13:21We're on our way to darkest Africa.
00:13:23To make a film that will make you the biggest film star in Uganda.
00:13:29Oh, terrific.
00:13:30Uh, listen.
00:13:31Have you got a joint?
00:13:33All prepared.
00:13:35Oh.
00:13:37Tremendous.
00:13:39Tremendous.
00:13:44Unga, kunga, bunga.
00:13:46Unga, kunga, bunga.
00:13:47Who are they?
00:13:49Our native guides.
00:13:51From Lasanga where they do the conga.
00:13:55Lasanga where they do the conga?
00:13:57Our destination.
00:13:59Where no Englishman has ever set foot.
00:14:02Unga, kunga, bunga.
00:14:03Why has no Englishman ever set foot there?
00:14:05Unga.
00:14:06Full of Australians.
00:14:08My God.
00:14:09Unga, kunga, bunga.
00:14:11Cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong.
00:14:15Cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong.
00:14:18They keep saying,
00:14:20Cong, cong, cong.
00:14:21Cong, cong, cong.
00:14:23Yes, that's true.
00:14:26Well, do you think this has some underlying meaning or symbolism or social significance?
00:14:33Perhaps it's a secret code.
00:14:36Cong, cong, cong, cong, cong.
00:14:37Maybe it's another language.
00:14:38Uh-huh.
00:14:39You are clever.
00:14:41But since I speak all native languages, and they speak ungabunga, language popular in many old movies, and the only
00:14:49language spoken on Lasanga where they do the conga, I can safely say that cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong,
00:14:56cong has no particular significance as either a noun or a verb.
00:15:02Oh, shit.
00:15:03Cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong.
00:15:06Maybe it's not cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong that they're saying.
00:15:11Maybe it's just the word cong repeated six times.
00:15:15My god.
00:15:17You really are clever.
00:15:19Cong, cong, cong, cong, cong, cong.
00:15:22Your mother sees cong in hell.
00:15:26They seem possessed.
00:15:33Ugh.
00:15:34Hey, look.
00:15:35They're just fat green pea soup out of their mouths.
00:15:38The devil and Mrs. Hines.
00:15:50There is something out there that holds them in the grip of terror.
00:15:57Whatever it is that lies beyond the sea, we'll find it.
00:16:12Huh?
00:16:15Ah.
00:16:22Do you think this is really me?
00:16:24I mean, really me.
00:16:28I mean, do you think when my public views me for the first time on the giant Panavision screen
00:16:34and the full wonder of the stereophonic sound,
00:16:38do you think I should look so much like a fag?
00:16:43Through the genius of the Kodak Laboratories,
00:16:46I can make home movies that look like the professional movies you see on the second half of the bill
00:16:51at your local cinema.
00:16:52Now, the trouble with most home movies is that people just wave into the camera.
00:16:57In my award-winning movies, no one waves into the camera.
00:17:01That's what I'm famous for.
00:17:04Not one wave.
00:17:09Well, maybe one wave.
00:17:36There it is.
00:17:38Lasanga where they do the conga.
00:17:40Lasanga where they do the conga.
00:17:42Lasanga where they do the conga.
00:17:44Where?
00:17:46Brighton.
00:17:48Oh, yeah.
00:17:51Cong, con, con, con.
00:17:54Cong, con, con, con.
00:18:05I know that tune.
00:18:08That tune.
00:18:09What's it called?
00:18:10Well, it's nice, but you can't really dance to it.
00:18:14It's on the tip of my tongue.
00:18:15Oh, what's it called?
00:18:17I'm not saying I don't like it, though.
00:18:19Maybe if you do something, it'll dance, native in style, it will be all right.
00:18:23Yeah?
00:18:24Hmm.
00:18:25Try it.
00:18:30No, no.
00:18:31Maybe at the local pub, but certainly not at the Hilton.
00:18:34Let me have a go.
00:18:35Oh.
00:18:38Oh.
00:18:43Oh, but you dance divinely.
00:18:46Oh, do I?
00:18:47Yes, well, I learned this step from a migrant clairvoyant who'd been pillaged by a group of reactionary American boy
00:18:53scouts in the holy city in search of the golden fleece.
00:18:57Interesting.
00:19:00Oh, be careful, sweet one.
00:19:02Drop anchor.
00:19:07Oh, I'm so frightened.
00:19:10I've always been helpless.
00:19:12I used to stay at home with Daddy while Mum and the girls went out and played soccer.
00:19:17There's nothing to be afraid of.
00:19:20Don't worry.
00:19:21I'm a woman.
00:19:23I'll protect you.
00:19:26Oh.
00:19:27Oh.
00:19:28Oh.
00:19:28Oh.
00:19:30Oh.
00:19:33Oh.
00:19:38Oh.
00:19:41Oh.
00:19:44Oh.
00:19:54Oh.
00:19:55Oh.
00:19:56Oh.
00:19:57Oh.
00:19:58Oh.
00:20:06Park, original primitive music.
00:20:32All right, girls.
00:20:37Ray? Ray?
00:20:39I'd like you to put this costume on.
00:20:41I think we can still get a few shots in before dark.
00:20:44Eat your heart out, Elton John. Here I come.
00:20:50All right, all right, all right, girls.
00:20:55Ray. Ray!
00:20:58All right, now, come on. We've got a strike camp.
00:21:01Come along now. Hurry up, girls.
00:21:26Come along now.
00:21:30Come along now.
00:21:32Come along now.
00:21:36Come along now.
00:21:52Left, left, left, left, left, left, left...
00:22:12where they do the conga
00:22:42morning
00:23:07the
00:23:15the
00:23:17the
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00:23:52Look at that great big table and chair.
00:23:56Queen Kong.
00:23:58What is she?
00:24:00Only time will tell.
00:24:05Look at that great big wall.
00:24:07What lies behind the great wall?
00:24:10The Chinese have always lied behind the great wall.
00:24:31Mr. Tarzan!
00:24:33Mr. Tarzan!
00:24:34Your wife Jane is on the other vine!
00:24:39You bored by the monotony of modern living?
00:24:42Spend your next vacation in downtown Liverpool.
00:24:45Oh my god.
00:24:49Oh my god!
00:25:04Oh my god!
00:25:09He's so cute!
00:25:12I'm Batman.
00:25:14Oh my god!
00:25:14Make your, make your toilet as clean as your mouth.
00:25:49What are they saying?
00:25:50The husband of Kong.
00:25:53They're saying the husband of Kong.
00:25:57Whatever could that mean?
00:26:07Oh!
00:26:10Oh!
00:26:13Unga-bunga.
00:26:15Unga-bunga-dinga-boo.
00:26:18Unga-bunga-dinga-doo.
00:26:20Oh!
00:26:21Unga-bunga-banga-wanga.
00:26:23Him we like for making Konga.
00:26:26Sanga-banga-wanga-danga.
00:26:28Him?
00:26:28No.
00:26:29But I pay you much to see the Konga.
00:26:33Siga-miga-figa.
00:26:35Biga.
00:26:36Yaga-buga-huga.
00:26:37What's she saying?
00:26:38She said no.
00:26:42Suga-muga-buga-figa-baruga.
00:26:45Yaga-buga.
00:26:46Que sera, sera?
00:26:49What's that?
00:26:50She says she wants you because you look like Doris Day.
00:26:53Who's he?
00:26:55It's no good, girls.
00:26:57She won't let us film the sacrifice.
00:26:59Come on, let's go back to the boat.
00:27:04Bloody foreigners.
00:27:08So beautiful.
00:27:10So tranquil.
00:27:12I'd want it to go on forever.
00:27:14If we hadn't run out of joints.
00:27:18Whatever it is that they are hiding on that island
00:27:21is going to make me the biggest film producer
00:27:24with love interest in the business.
00:27:27And you're going to be a star.
00:27:29A big star.
00:27:31No more panhandling for joints.
00:27:34No more stealing posters.
00:27:36You're going to have cash, baby.
00:27:38And lots of it.
00:27:40And now I must go below.
00:27:42Good night.
00:27:44Good night.
00:27:46Parting is such sweet sorrow.
00:27:48Oh, how absolutely marvelous.
00:27:51I do so love Christopher Marlow.
00:27:53Oh, Ray, you're magnificent.
00:27:55You're such a literary iconoclast.
00:27:57Ha!
00:27:58Par de quoi?
00:27:59I didn't know you spoke Italian.
00:28:02Only on your own keeper.
00:28:03Ha!
00:28:04Once more, good night.
00:28:08Be careful, sweet one.
00:28:10Lest in the cool evening breeze
00:28:12you catch a chill and croak.
00:28:19xD
00:28:20oongar-boongar-dangar-lungar-haw.
00:28:23Bongar-bongar-bongar-dangar-langar-haw.
00:28:25I'd love to leave the kongar.
00:28:27He could leave it.
00:28:28It could be.
00:28:30We can't leave it.
00:28:45I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight, silly.
00:28:49I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight, ah-hey!
00:29:03Do you mind keeping the noise down, please?
00:29:06Thank you, I'm busy.
00:29:08Oof, conga, oof, conga, oof!
00:29:12Yes, and who to you too?
00:29:15Oof, conga, oof, conga, oof, conga, oof, conga, oof, conga, oof, conga, oof, conga, oof, conga, cha-cha-cha!
00:29:24Oh, do you mind, girls?
00:29:25I'm gonna be an international star.
00:29:27I've got no time for this frivolity.
00:29:30Oonga-boonga!
00:29:32Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:29:42Oh, Ray, oh, Ray, when will this endless night turn into day?
00:29:51Ray?
00:29:55Ray?
00:29:57Ray?
00:30:01Ray?
00:30:03Ray?
00:30:03Ray?
00:30:04Ray?
00:30:05Ray?
00:30:09All girls on deck!
00:30:11All girls on deck! Man missing!
00:30:13Find Ray! Find Ray!
00:30:19All right girls!
00:30:21I want a concentrated search!
00:30:23Look everywhere! Absolutely everywhere!
00:30:27Up the stairs!
00:30:29Down the stairs!
00:30:31Don't leave a leaf on turns!
00:30:34We must find him!
00:30:35Come on girls! We must find him!
00:30:38Look! What's that?
00:30:46Contraceptives!
00:30:47No!
00:30:47You know what that means?
00:30:50Yes!
00:30:52The natives must have stolen Ray!
00:30:55They haven't heard of the pill yet!
00:30:58Poor Ray!
00:31:23Get out!
00:31:24Get out!
00:31:47Oh, it's true. Blondes do have more fun.
00:31:55I paid 60 quid for that fruit.
00:32:32Ah! Get up! What are you... Get off me! Get off me!
00:32:37Well, ah! Careful! Mind me legs, for even sake!
00:32:40These sacrifices only work with virgins!
00:32:44Oh, please! Help!
00:32:46Oh, what are you doing? Get up!
00:32:54Come on! My peach is just within reach.
00:33:04Come, come, come, come!
00:33:08Come, come, come, come!
00:33:15Come, come, come!
00:33:27Whose birthday is this in any case?
00:33:30Come, come, come!
00:33:34Come, come, come, come!
00:33:52Come on, girls. Let's get him out of here.
00:33:59I hate birthday parties. I want to go home.
00:34:22So this is the Queen Kong the natives spoke about.
00:34:28Don't leave me, girls. I'm too young to be eaten.
00:34:32Oh!
00:34:35Ah!
00:34:38Ah!
00:34:40Ah!
00:34:44Ah!
00:34:53Ah!
00:35:10Ah!
00:35:10Ah!
00:35:14Ah!
00:35:17Ah!
00:35:19Ah!
00:35:21Ah!
00:35:33Ah!
00:35:52Ah!
00:35:52Ah!
00:35:54Ah!
00:35:54Ah!
00:35:54Ah!
00:35:58Ah!
00:36:01Ah!
00:36:01Ah!
00:36:14Ah!
00:36:15Ah!
00:36:16Ah!
00:36:17Ah!
00:36:23Ah!
00:36:23Ah!
00:36:30Ha!
00:36:30Ah!
00:36:31Ah!
00:36:32Oh, God.
00:36:32Ah!
00:36:34Ah!
00:36:37Ah!
00:36:50A rose, was a rose, was a rose.
00:36:54Runch the camellias and beware the begonias.
00:36:57Forward, march.
00:36:58Left.
00:36:59Left.
00:37:00Left.
00:37:01Left.
00:37:03Left.
00:37:03Left.
00:37:04Left.
00:37:05Left.
00:37:05Left.
00:37:07Left.
00:37:08My god.
00:37:10A Trinosauropticus, like I used to read about in the history books.
00:37:14It's as if, in this jungle, the time has stood still.
00:37:24It's all teeth.
00:37:25It's just like Jimmy Carter.
00:37:29I feel faint.
00:37:31Please put me down.
00:37:31Jump.
00:37:32Oh!
00:37:33Oh!
00:37:35Oh!
00:37:37Oh!
00:37:43Oh!
00:37:44Let's go.
00:38:27Go on.
00:38:28That's it.
00:38:33Kick him in the...
00:38:34Kick him in the...
00:38:35You know...
00:38:39Uh...
00:38:39Below the belt.
00:38:41Yeah.
00:38:42Oh.
00:38:44Oh.
00:38:44Oh.
00:38:59Good girl.
00:39:05Play with me, son.
00:39:06You're playing with fire.
00:39:07Oh.
00:39:12Does this look like Scotland?
00:39:15Or am I just pissed?
00:39:16Left.
00:39:17Left.
00:39:18Left.
00:39:20Left.
00:39:21Left.
00:39:22Oh, my God.
00:39:25A prehistoric bagpipe.
00:39:28A prehistoric bagpipe?
00:39:30Yes.
00:39:31A prehistoric bagpipe.
00:39:33Once they get their hands on a little oil, you can't shut them up.
00:39:36God in heaven, will these terrors never cease?
00:39:40A prehistoric bagpipe.
00:39:41Like those that wandered the earth thousands of years ago.
00:39:45It's as if in this jungle, time has stood still.
00:39:49Should we guess?
00:39:50No.
00:39:51It'll take the high road.
00:39:53And we'll take the low road.
00:39:55And let's hope we'll get there before it.
00:39:58All right, girls.
00:39:59Forward.
00:40:00March.
00:40:00Left.
00:40:01Left.
00:40:02Come on, girls.
00:40:12I can't stand heights.
00:40:14Please put me down.
00:40:17Nice and slowly.
00:40:19That's it.
00:40:21Nice and easy.
00:40:24No.
00:40:27Now.
00:42:06Help!
00:42:09Help!
00:42:10It's a thingy.
00:42:12It's a...
00:42:13Terry, what's it?
00:42:16Help!
00:42:17Help!
00:42:39Any soup again? I thought I was supposed to be 57 morages of this shit!
00:42:56Go on, grab him round the beak!
00:43:05Oh, and he's much smaller than the other one! Go on, get in!
00:43:24Go on, get in!
00:43:32Come on, get in!
00:43:40Come on, get in!
00:43:50Well done, girl. Thanks very much.
00:43:59This way, girl. Can't move.
00:44:06Raise up at the top.
00:44:24Watch your feet, girls. Ray. I know he's up there.
00:44:32Ray. Ray.
00:44:37Ray, answer me.
00:44:43Ray. Ray.
00:44:45Saved. Ray? Saved at last. Not now.
00:44:48After this harrowing experience.
00:44:51I think she smells us.
00:44:53I told you to use the deodorant.
00:44:55I didn't think it would matter in the jungle.
00:44:57You should never be careless to offend.
00:45:15What the hell? What are you doing?
00:45:18Put them down!
00:45:23Bad manners to stare.
00:45:26What will the neighbours say?
00:45:28I don't know what I'm going to do with her.
00:45:30No!
00:45:32No!
00:45:49What are you going to do that for?
00:45:51Friends of mine.
00:45:52No, don't try and make up. It's too late.
00:46:00Well, I've heard of being kissed off, but this is ridiculous.
00:46:03Oh!
00:46:05Oh!
00:46:07Oh, my God. I can't swim.
00:46:11Don't worry. Your heroine will save you.
00:46:14Oh!
00:46:16Help!
00:46:20Help!
00:46:23We crushed them!
00:46:25Oh!
00:46:26Oh!
00:46:29Oh!
00:46:31Oh!
00:46:33Oh!
00:46:34Oh!
00:46:35Oh!
00:46:36Oh!
00:46:37Oh!
00:46:43Oh, my God.
00:47:08Oh, my God.
00:47:41Oh, my God.
00:48:10Oh, my God.
00:48:11Oh, my God.
00:48:39Oh, my God.
00:48:40Oh, my God.
00:48:41Oh, my God.
00:48:41Oh, my God.
00:49:02Oh, my God.
00:49:02Come on, all of you.
00:49:04Help!
00:49:07Help!
00:49:08Help!
00:49:10Help!
00:49:10Help!
00:49:11Help!
00:49:12Come on, all of you.
00:49:13Push!
00:49:19Push!
00:49:33Push!
00:49:35No!
00:49:37No!
00:49:38No!
00:49:43Come on, all of you.
00:49:49Ah!
00:49:54Oh!
00:49:56Oh!
00:49:58Oh!
00:50:07Oh, my God.
00:50:34Oh, my God, she's tricked us.
00:50:58The bombs.
00:50:59Get the bombs.
00:51:00Stop throwing the gas bombs.
00:51:02Come on, come on.
00:51:07Throw the bombs.
00:51:08Hurry up.
00:51:08Come on.
00:51:12She's falling.
00:51:13She's falling this way.
00:51:14Oh, my God.
00:51:15Come on, girls.
00:51:16Run.
00:51:16Come on.
00:51:22Even for a 64-foot-high gorilla, you are one royal pain in the arse.
00:51:32There's nothing more to be afraid of, sweet one.
00:51:35We'll take her back to London, where she'll be the greatest attraction the world has ever known.
00:51:41She might have been a queen on this island.
00:51:43But in London, half the guys you meet are queen.
00:51:53Excuse me, sir.
00:51:54Could you tell us something about this female gorilla?
00:51:56It's about time they've made some of the monsters women of the world.
00:52:00All this stuff about burning their brasses.
00:52:03Well, let them take the blame.
00:52:04They've read their history books, but I'm sure some of the monsters' friends may be to know.
00:52:10Like Godzilla.
00:52:11Yes, well, thank you very much for your use, Miss Kong.
00:52:27Mr. Paye, all London is waiting to hear how you felt when you were abducted by Queen Kong.
00:52:32Oh.
00:52:35I would like to thank everyone, great and small,
00:52:37who has made my stardom possible on the international motion picture scene.
00:52:42The director, the camera woman, the clapper girl.
00:52:46Ray, not now, later.
00:52:48Oh.
00:52:48Uh, no comment to the press.
00:52:54Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:05Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:11Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:13Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:13Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:13Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:15Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:15Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:20Thank you, Mr. Paye, not now, later.
00:53:23I'm sorry, I could never stand for that.
00:53:25It's disgusting, a travesty, an insult to women everywhere, Mr. Wolfe.
00:53:30Well, as my great-aunt Virginia would have said,
00:53:32tough noogies if she don't hide her boobies,
00:53:35cos if she don't hide her boobies, no show.
00:53:40Ray! Ray!
00:53:45Would you please say something?
00:53:47Oh, yes.
00:53:49I would like to thank everyone, great and small,
00:53:52who has made my stardom possible on the international motion picture scene.
00:53:57Not that speech, stupid.
00:53:58What do you think of him insisting that Queen Kong wear bra and panty?
00:54:11Ladies and gentlemen, here is the great Johnny Harris!
00:54:23Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much.
00:54:26Get off!
00:54:29I must admit, this is a very unusual engagement for me.
00:54:33I've never actually preceded a lady gorilla before.
00:54:37I followed a few in my time, but that was basically desperation.
00:54:43I tell you, baby, I ain't had one bare booby in not one of my extravagances.
00:54:47But she is an animal!
00:54:49Now look, baby, no one ain't going to pay ten quid a head to see an animal, no matter how
00:54:53big she is.
00:54:54To get ten quid a head, you gotta shove her titties into two big sackets.
00:54:59You get it? That's a showmanship!
00:55:02That's, ha ha, ugly!
00:55:04Which reminds me, please, when Kong is on, nobody coughs.
00:55:10No, please, it's very catchy when somebody coughs.
00:55:12I mean, one person coughs, another person coughs, she coughs, we could lose you in the draft.
00:55:17So now, ladies and gentlemen, to keep you more or less in a simian mood, the orangutan!
00:55:27Queen Kong!
00:55:31Queen Kong!
00:55:32Queen Kong gives a check with all the hair!
00:55:38Queen Kong, Queen Kong, come from a door nowhere!
00:55:44Queen Kong, come from a door nowhere!
00:55:46Queen Kong, come from a door nowhere!
00:55:47Queen Kong, come from a door nowhere!
00:55:48Queen Kong, come from a door nowhere!
00:55:49You wouldn't ask a male gorilla to wear a brassier now, would you?
00:55:53What is the difference between male boobs and female boobs?
00:55:57They're bigger and a little more fun to squeeze.
00:56:03You might have a full house, Mr. Wolfe, but you're not getting a full bra.
00:56:08If you don't go on, you're broke, because I'm not going to pick up the tab for your expedition.
00:56:22Thank you very much, thank you.
00:56:25Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to a noted filmmaker.
00:56:28A lady whose talent is only surpassed by her personality.
00:56:34Miss Luce Habit!
00:56:36Take it away, Lucy!
00:56:55Thank you, Royalty and Persons.
00:56:59Tonight we have a little surprise for you.
00:57:01Or should I say, a big surprise.
00:57:04We have just returned from darkest Africa, and amid the jungle drums...
00:57:16Please!
00:57:23Amid the jungle drums, we discovered something so frightening, so terrifying, that we had
00:57:31to bring it back alive.
00:57:33A film would not do it justice.
00:57:35It had to be seen to be believed.
00:57:38But first, I would like to introduce you to the sweetest, gentlest, bravest little boy
00:57:45in the world.
00:57:46Ray Fay.
00:57:57Ray!
00:58:00Ray!
00:58:02Ray!
00:58:03Ray!
00:58:04Ray!
00:58:05Ray!
00:58:06Ray!
00:58:08Ray!
00:59:08I have another little surprise for you.
00:59:11As you know, well, love blooms on the high seas.
00:59:15And I would like to say that Ray Faye is the only man in the world for me.
00:59:22And I would like to ask him to become my husband.
00:59:25To love, honour and obey me, in sickness and in health, till he kicks off.
00:59:36Marry me?
00:59:37I don't believe in sex before intercourse.
00:59:44Isn't there something you'd like to say, Ray?
00:59:47Oh, yes.
00:59:50I would like to thank everyone, great and small, who has made my stardom possible on the international movie scene.
01:00:01And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.
01:00:06The eighth wonder of the world, Queen Colt.
01:00:37I'm on your side.
01:00:40And now, ladies and gentlemen, Ray Faye and Loose Habit will dance the dance of the island of Lasanga, where
01:00:48they do the conga.
01:01:07Thank you very much for listening!
01:01:07Thank you, Ray.
01:01:41Can't you see she's crying?
01:01:44We stuck her in this stupid costume and humiliated her.
01:01:49And now she's crying.
01:01:54We came to make a movie.
01:01:56We created a farce.
01:02:01Please, be quiet.
01:02:03This is dangerous.
01:02:04It's no joke.
01:02:06She's jealous.
01:02:07Can't you see that?
01:02:08She's jealous.
01:02:09And I'm jealous of them.
01:02:11I'm jealous.
01:02:32One, two, three, four!
01:02:42Ray! No, I don't want to go!
01:02:44Ray, please!
01:02:45She's only breaking those chains because she loves me!
01:02:47Ray, please!
01:02:47Lord, you're jealous!
01:02:50Ah!
01:02:57I hope Your Majesty enjoyed the opening today.
01:03:01We were most certainly not amused.
01:03:03Ah!
01:03:13No, I don't want to go!
01:03:15I want to go with her!
01:03:16I found the girl of my dreams, big, big and strong,
01:03:20with hair coming out of her nostrils.
01:03:22Don't be crazy, Ray!
01:03:24Come back to the hotel with me!
01:03:26Now listen, that ape played a low scene on that stage tonight
01:03:29that was worthy of an Oscar!
01:03:30But she'll never give it to you!
01:03:32Just like that other ape, she'll give it to the Indians!
01:03:35Get off!
01:03:37Get off!
01:03:38Ray!
01:03:51I didn't take a £49 a night hotel suite
01:03:54for you to go spending the night with some other gorilla.
01:03:56But you're just like all the other women!
01:03:58Just want one thing!
01:03:59She loves me.
01:04:02Purely.
01:04:03Huh!
01:04:04Don't you be so sure!
01:04:25Hello?
01:04:27Hello, police!
01:04:29I know this sounds unusual,
01:04:31but some excessive vandalism is occurring round here.
01:04:35I thought you might be interested.
01:04:37Go ahead, I'll file a report.
01:04:4264-foot gorillas destroying?
01:04:46I say, do you mean a gorilla or ape?
01:04:49I mean, if it's that size, it's probably an ape, not a gorilla.
01:04:53Yes, quite right.
01:04:55I think ape is definitely more accurate.
01:04:59Does it have any distinguishing characteristics?
01:05:02You know,
01:05:05warts or anything?
01:05:06No, nothing.
01:05:07Except,
01:05:08it does have rather long toenails.
01:05:15They are rather long, aren't they?
01:05:18They are rather long, aren't they?
01:05:19They are rather long, aren't they?
01:05:20Hello?
01:05:22Hello.
01:05:23Oh, dear.
01:05:24We've been disconnected.
01:05:26We've been disconnected.
01:05:27Mm.
01:05:27Mm.
01:05:28Yeah.
01:05:28He's not connected.
01:05:29Mm.
01:05:29Mm.
01:05:29Mm.
01:05:31Yeah.
01:05:33Yeah.
01:05:41Mm.
01:05:56What do you mean there's a 60-foot-four gorilla on the loose?
01:05:59What do you mean the 60-foot-four gorilla is walking around St. Paul's?
01:06:04What do you mean the 60-foot-four gorilla is looking for a hippie from the Portobello Road?
01:06:09I mean there's a 64-foot-driller on the loose.
01:06:13I mean the 64-foot-driller is walking around St. Paul's.
01:06:17I mean the 64-foot-driller is looking for a hippie from Portobello Road.
01:06:22Oh, jolly good. I wasn't quite sure what you meant.
01:06:26Get back to me on this one, will you?
01:06:51Ray, would you please sit down and listen to me?
01:06:55How can I sit down and listen to you when the gorilla I love is out there looking for me?
01:07:01Eh?
01:07:19This is a song, my own composition.
01:07:23I wrote it myself.
01:07:26And the lyrics too.
01:07:31I like flying big planes
01:07:35Little planes, medium-sized planes
01:07:40All kinds of planes
01:07:44I like flying eenie-weenie planes
01:07:50Itsy-bitsy planes and grand planes
01:07:54All kinds of planes
01:07:59I like flying eenie-weenie planes
01:08:02I like flying big planes
01:08:03Little planes, medium-sized planes
01:08:07All kinds of planes
01:08:12I like flying eenie-weenie planes
01:08:15I wish that nun had shut up.
01:08:16She didn't shut up once on the whole trip.
01:08:18All kinds of planes
01:08:20Even sang during the movie.
01:08:22All kinds of planes
01:08:25All kinds of planes
01:08:27All kinds of planes
01:08:43No, no. Wait! What is it? I can't believe it.
01:08:48There's a 64-foot gorilla in front of us.
01:08:50Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce that we're about to crash into a 64-foot gorilla.
01:08:56We hope that you've had a smashing flight, and we wish to thank you for taking flight to the Batches.
01:09:00What did he say? He said we're crashing into a 64-foot gorilla.
01:09:04What do they expect with a cross-eyed stewardess?
01:09:21You don't understand, do you? It's all your fault.
01:09:27She wants me.
01:09:29You can hold me here because you're a woman stronger than me, but love will find a way.
01:09:38Oh, no, you don't. You're not going anywhere.
01:09:51Let me out! Let me go, you big tut!
01:09:57Oh, Ray!
01:10:11Chief, the ape has wiped out a thousand years of English history and a year's supply of North Sea oil.
01:10:18Standing by for instructions.
01:10:19All right, all right!
01:10:21Mother, the monkey has levelled out a thousand years of English history and wiped out a year's supply of North
01:10:29Sea oil.
01:10:30Standing by for instructions.
01:10:33Like Churchill.
01:10:36Yes, Mother. Yes, Mother.
01:10:38Yes, Mother.
01:10:39Okay! Okay!
01:10:41What would Churchill do now?
01:10:43Churchill wouldn't be afraid, and neither am I.
01:10:47Stand by all cars.
01:10:48Stand by helicopters.
01:10:49Stand by fire engines.
01:10:51Stand by submarines.
01:10:52Stand by Royal Air Force.
01:10:54Stand by everything!
01:11:03Hund!
01:11:09No!
01:11:13No!
01:11:16Help!
01:11:28you've always been a good-for-nothing yes dear i'm in bed all day yes dear just reading that paper
01:11:36yes dear yes dear
01:12:03oh
01:12:04wow
01:12:05wow
01:12:05wow
01:12:06wow
01:12:06wow
01:12:08wow
01:12:13Ah, you want to fight, eh?
01:12:18All right.
01:12:19There.
01:12:41Hey.
01:12:42Are you ready?
01:12:44No!
01:12:51Okay, Queenie.
01:12:53Take it away.
01:12:55So that's guerrilla warfare.
01:13:02It's nice to see you again, love.
01:13:04Looking very well.
01:13:15Don't tread on the people. Mind the people.
01:13:20Come back.
01:13:22Don't be afraid. She won't hurt you.
01:13:24Be careful. I know some of these people personally.
01:13:40Oh, Queenie.
01:13:43Crown jewels. How extravagant.
01:13:47Huh.
01:13:49But it's definitely not my colour, love. Sorry.
01:13:59Do you know, Queenie, it really is a shame the Empire State Building isn't in London.
01:14:05Hang on.
01:14:06Big Ben.
01:14:07We'll go up Big Ben.
01:14:09Even better.
01:14:10Yeah.
01:14:10Come on.
01:14:11Listen, Chief.
01:14:13She just stole the crown jewels.
01:14:15And now she's heading for Big Ben.
01:14:17You better get down there quick.
01:14:20We shall fight her by land.
01:14:22We shall fight her by sea.
01:14:24We shall fight her in the air.
01:14:25And they shall say that this was England's finest hour.
01:14:29We'll crush that guerrilla like we crushed the U-boats, Winnie.
01:14:34Man your battle stations.
01:14:36Man your battle stations.
01:14:37Prepare to meet your enemy.
01:14:39Follow me, men.
01:14:46Good God.
01:14:47Is that the time?
01:14:49Doesn't time flying when you're having fun.
01:15:01Onwards. Onwards.
01:15:15I think we have been having this problem since we British started to let these bloody foreigners
01:15:22in.
01:15:22I mean, you don't see an English guerrilla behaving like that, do you?
01:15:32Blasted traffic.
01:15:37My God, don't the peace in this city do anything?
01:15:41I wonder.
01:15:46No, don't shoot.
01:15:48Please.
01:15:49Don't shoot.
01:15:50Be careful.
01:15:56Steady, girl.
01:15:56Steady, steady.
01:16:01Please, don't shoot.
01:16:06No.
01:16:07No, Queenie.
01:16:08Put the helicopter down.
01:16:13Put it down.
01:16:16Me, Ray.
01:16:17You, Kong.
01:16:18Put the helicopter down.
01:16:24Put me on the helicopter.
01:16:26Put me down.
01:16:38Don't be afraid of her.
01:16:39She's just been misunderstood like all women throughout history.
01:16:43Put away those guns.
01:16:45Do you think they can affect her?
01:16:46Go on, get away while you can.
01:16:48Here.
01:16:48Is there a PA system in here?
01:16:50It's up there.
01:16:52Stop the attack of the planes and helicopters at this moment.
01:16:56You cannot destroy her.
01:16:58For she represents all women everywhere.
01:17:01Women, forced into a mold to satisfy the images of male chauvinism.
01:17:07Hallelujah.
01:17:10If you destroy this beautiful beast, you're destroying a lifetime of female struggle.
01:17:17Yes.
01:17:19She represents woman.
01:17:21Woman struggling to find her identity in a society, viewing her as a kitchen slave and sex object.
01:17:27Right on, man.
01:17:28Let's go.
01:17:29Yeah.
01:17:30Woman, subjugated to the whims of man with no consideration for her own personal self-expression.
01:17:37Yeah, that's me. Subjugated to the whims of man with no consideration for my own personal self-expression.
01:17:44What you see as a terrifying gorilla, I see as the embodiment of the frustrations of all women everywhere.
01:17:53It's true.
01:17:54It's so true.
01:17:56You need pigs.
01:17:59You're not persecuting her because this poor creature is a gorilla, but because she is a woman.
01:18:07A female.
01:18:09A feminine creature.
01:18:12Oh, holy bloody shit.
01:18:15You persecute her like you...
01:18:17You persecute all women.
01:18:19You take her from where she can be loved and respected
01:18:23and force her into a costume that you find suitable.
01:18:26Ladies everywhere.
01:18:28This is your chance for emancipation.
01:18:32All of you.
01:18:33Big women.
01:18:35Small women.
01:18:36Ugly women.
01:18:38Beautiful women.
01:18:38All of you must now gather together and help save your friend.
01:18:45Our friend.
01:18:46Queen.
01:18:46Queen.
01:18:48Queen.
01:18:59Queen.
01:19:00Queen.
01:19:01Queen.
01:19:02Queen.
01:19:03Queen.
01:19:04Queen.
01:19:07Queen.
01:19:09Queen.
01:19:10Queen.
01:19:10Queen.
01:19:11Queen.
01:19:13Queen.
01:19:13You're a winner, free Kong, free Kong, you're a winner.
01:19:43They're coming, free Kong, free Kong, free Kong, you're a winner.
01:19:51They're coming.
01:19:54They're coming!
01:19:57They're actually coming!
01:20:01Oh, Queenie, Queenie, look what you've done!
01:20:11The cavalry have arrived, just in the nick of time.
01:20:16I don't believe it.
01:20:35Kill it! Kill it! Kill that ape!
01:20:38Now, Chief, control yourself.
01:20:57Here's your report, you male chauvinistic thing!
01:21:05Come on!
01:21:12You're no son of mine!
01:21:16What? You mama!
01:21:19Okay. Okay.
01:21:22Officer, get that ape off that building and back to Africa, if you value your life.
01:21:30Oh, Queenie, we really have overcome.
01:21:38Oh, Queenie!
01:21:40Soft breezes, loving squeezes, amid the bamboo treases.
01:21:51And if you hold me too tight, in the jungle tonight, I'll run the risk of a slip dish, my
01:22:06love.
01:22:19I wonder if they'd settle for a threesome.
01:22:22But, Zanga, here we come!
01:22:29Soft breezes, asthmatic wheezes, amid the bamboo treases.
01:22:45Orc is floating on the stream.
01:22:49And as you start to scream, my love.
01:22:54And I'll have no cares in your massive heads, my sweet.
01:23:03And i'll have no clue, my love.
01:23:03They said, Oh, love would have to be platonic.
01:23:07Now the situation has been up to running.
01:23:14Love has found a way.
01:23:33If I were just an ordinary gorilla
01:23:37We could take that night boat
01:23:40To Manila
01:23:41Together
01:23:47Clad in the latest pair of Jesus jeans
01:23:50We could tour around the Philippines
01:23:54Together
01:23:59It wouldn't matter what we saw
01:24:02Since everything's under martial law
01:24:08And you would stop your yelling rape
01:24:12If I were just an ordinary household ape
01:24:17We'd spend our nights in a garage
01:24:23There's no library
01:24:25A virtual gathering of Joss
01:24:25And they've done really well
01:24:26And I wonder what should we do
01:24:32Sometimes you do
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