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Short filmTranscript
00:00:25The root gun and the factory good
00:00:29Never have too much
00:00:32Well, no one is unproclaimed
00:00:36Two would be more than enough
00:00:39All I need is a pair of boots
00:00:42That's my shirt, my hand
00:00:45A limousine would make me a queen
00:00:49And there's nothing wrong with that
00:00:52No, there's nothing wrong
00:00:54Why can't we all get along
00:00:56And we'll sing a song to that
00:00:59No, there's nothing wrong
00:01:01You know I've got to stay strong
00:01:03And not get along like
00:01:05We'll get along like that
00:01:10We'll get along like that
00:01:13Oh, like that
00:01:17We'll get along like that
00:01:20Hey, how you doing
00:01:24Hey, I'm Chase
00:01:29So, uh, I'll just take this
00:01:35Two dollars
00:01:38You know it wouldn't kill you to smile
00:01:41That'll be two dollars
00:01:52Fucking fish
00:01:59What a day and a half
00:02:01Do you guys have a drink menu?
00:02:04We're a coffee shop
00:02:07Oh, no
00:02:13I'm sorry
00:02:14I'm so rude
00:02:15I've been so busy
00:02:16I barely know where I am
00:02:17When I'm there
00:02:18That's how you've said
00:02:20Between rehearsals
00:02:21Teaching
00:02:22Taking my own dance classes
00:02:23It's exhausting
00:02:27Excuse me
00:02:42Something funny
00:02:43Uh, it was Josh
00:02:45He said he and the boys miss me
00:02:48You're so silly
00:02:49Wait a minute
00:02:49Aren't you coming from rehearsal with them?
00:02:51Yeah
00:02:51So
00:02:52So I usually go out with the guys
00:02:54To peckers
00:02:55After rehearsal
00:02:55Sexy boy
00:02:58When I'm walking through the
00:03:00Peckers
00:03:01They have a fabulous
00:03:02Happy Hour special
00:03:03Don't wait
00:03:07I didn't know that you were
00:03:09Going to a gay bar every day
00:03:10With the boys after rehearsal
00:03:11Told you we got drinks together
00:03:13Yeah, but you never said it was a gay bar
00:03:15What's the big deal?
00:03:17They'll call me crazy
00:03:18But maybe I'm a little
00:03:19Worried
00:03:20Because, well
00:03:21Isn't the whole buy thing
00:03:25Listen
00:03:25I look at it as just
00:03:27One of my many
00:03:28Professional obligations
00:03:29That I have
00:03:31It's tough to fit them all in
00:03:32You know
00:03:32I'm amazed
00:03:33You're able to pencil me in
00:03:34For a quick meal
00:03:37Helen
00:03:39How many times
00:03:40Do I have to tell you
00:03:40You are the most important woman
00:03:43In my life
00:03:45Yeah
00:03:46You're so sweet
00:03:48Hi
00:03:49Welcome to the cup
00:03:50Home of the rainbow cookies
00:03:52Okay, well
00:03:52It really isn't
00:03:53But I just love saying that
00:03:55What can I get you?
00:04:01Uh, I'll have a, um
00:04:03Chicken sandwich and an iced tea
00:04:06What about you, handsome?
00:04:07Excuse me?
00:04:08What's your passion?
00:04:10Well, uh
00:04:11I've always been
00:04:12Partial to the desserts here
00:04:17But I think I'll have to cease the salad
00:04:19With the dressing on the side
00:04:24Anything else?
00:04:34I love water
00:04:35With ice
00:04:41Yummy
00:04:44What was that?
00:04:46What was what?
00:04:47That waiter basically just tried to
00:04:48Fuck you on the table
00:04:50Oh, and the big deal is what?
00:04:53Well, outside of the fact that he's
00:04:55An employee of this establishment
00:04:57Doesn't he see that you and I are on a date?
00:04:59Stop it
00:05:01Did I get my panties in a twist last weekend
00:05:03When we were out dancing
00:05:04And every guy was hitting on you?
00:05:06No
00:05:07See?
00:05:08Yeah, exactly
00:05:09That's the problem
00:05:10Alright
00:05:11What do you want me to do?
00:05:12Be an overprotective jerk
00:05:13Who beats up every guy that looks at you?
00:05:15No
00:05:16Good
00:05:17But I would like you to stop flirting
00:05:20With the male waiters
00:05:22Oh, but it's okay for me to flirt
00:05:23With the female ones
00:05:24You know what?
00:05:25Frankly, I'd be a little relieved if you did
00:05:28Listen
00:05:29It's like I told you on our first date
00:05:32I can turn my sexual preferences
00:05:34On and off
00:05:35Like a switch
00:05:39Right now
00:05:39The switch is on women
00:05:42Okay
00:05:43What happens to me
00:05:44When the switch
00:05:45Flips back to men
00:05:47Phil
00:05:48It's Phillip
00:05:50You've spoken about that
00:05:51Besides
00:05:52I decide when it flips
00:05:53Use your water
00:05:55What about my ice tea?
00:05:56Yeah, you're
00:06:07Let's take a good water
00:06:08Do you think we could get some bread?
00:06:11Bread?
00:06:12With a sandwich?
00:06:14Hello, carbs
00:06:17I can get you some bread
00:06:18With your salad
00:06:20Like that?
00:06:22Oh, yes
00:06:23Thank you
00:06:29Back in a flash
00:06:41What?
00:06:42I'm starting to have some serious doubts
00:06:44About this relationship
00:06:46Come on
00:06:47No, come on yourself
00:06:49Alright
00:06:49Look, I've been jealous before
00:06:51When my boyfriends have paid too much attention
00:06:53To another woman
00:06:54But when it's another man
00:07:00What are you doing?
00:07:02Well, since I'm ending this
00:07:06There's no need for you
00:07:07To pay for my meal
00:07:10Drama alert
00:07:16Listen
00:07:16Listen
00:07:17I've dated gay men before
00:07:18And I cannot put myself through that again
00:07:20Wait, how dare you say I'm gay?
00:07:22There is a very big difference
00:07:23Between being bi
00:07:25And being gay
00:07:27Yeah, all I know
00:07:28Is that you spent all of your free time
00:07:29With your boys
00:07:31Instead of with me
00:07:31Your girlfriend
00:07:32So what are you saying?
00:07:33That your boyfriends can't have friends?
00:07:35Does everything have to be around
00:07:36Your terms too?
00:07:37It's not about me being
00:07:38A controlling bitch
00:07:39But thank you
00:07:40Thank you so much for turning this all around on me
00:07:42Well, you're the one with the problem here
00:07:44I'm fine
00:07:45Of course
00:07:46That's because you get everything
00:07:47You get to play around with all your boys
00:07:49And then come home to me
00:07:50After you've had your fun
00:07:52Playing around
00:07:52I know what those gay bars are like
00:07:54I'm a sexy boy
00:07:57Yeah, I didn't know you were such an expert
00:07:58On the gay scene, Helen
00:08:00I did the theater
00:08:01In college
00:08:02Phil
00:08:03And you've no only dated gay men before
00:08:05Thinking you could turn them
00:08:07Yes
00:08:09I would never try to turn a lesbian
00:08:10Yeah, no, that
00:08:12That I believe
00:08:15What about
00:08:15A straight man
00:08:19Now you're being ridiculous
00:08:20So you mean to tell me
00:08:21That you
00:08:23Never, ever flirted
00:08:24With a straight man
00:08:25Just to see if you could have
00:08:26A little
00:08:28Taste
00:08:29Helen
00:08:30We're at the cup
00:08:30Not at the bar
00:08:31See, you can't even answer me
00:08:35Listen
00:08:38Sexuality
00:08:38Is a very complicated issue
00:08:40For some people
00:08:41You're obviously too close-minded
00:08:43To understand that
00:08:44Yeah
00:08:45Well, if you ask me
00:08:46People who are bisexual
00:08:47Are selfish
00:08:49Selfish?
00:08:49Yes, extremely
00:08:50You get to have your fun
00:08:52With whoever you want
00:08:53And your excuses
00:08:55Well
00:08:56I'm bi
00:08:57So I can't help it
00:08:59If I'm attracted to everyone
00:09:00How dare you
00:09:02Call me selfish?
00:09:03Why don't you just
00:09:04Man up already
00:09:05And admit that you and your boys
00:09:06Are having a big old
00:09:07Circle jerk
00:09:08Every day after work
00:09:08What?
00:09:09Look, I know what those
00:09:10Bathrooms are like
00:09:11God damn it
00:09:11You bitch
00:09:12Faggot
00:09:13God does it
00:09:20Are you fucking serious?
00:09:23O-M-G
00:09:26What do you think this is?
00:09:27Beyond therapy or something?
00:09:29I don't know what this is
00:09:30I just know that I'm so
00:09:32Done with you
00:09:35Philip
00:09:38Wow
00:09:41What's her problem, boo?
00:09:46Just witnessed me and my ex
00:09:47Breaking up
00:09:48It was bound to happen
00:09:50Eventually
00:09:51Hold up
00:09:51Your ex?
00:09:53Yeah
00:09:55But I thought you were
00:09:56Gay
00:09:58Yeah
00:09:59Nope
00:10:02Okay
00:10:03I could have sworn
00:10:04I seen you on the dance floor
00:10:05At Peckers
00:10:05Oh no, it probably was
00:10:06I'm there like
00:10:07Almost every day
00:10:10Okay
00:10:11I'm confused
00:10:14I'm bi
00:10:17Oh, I get it
00:10:22Something funny?
00:10:24I'm sorry
00:10:25It's just
00:10:27Bi men always make me laugh
00:10:28Ha
00:10:31Do you have something
00:10:32Against bisexual men?
00:10:34No
00:10:34I think they're adorable
00:10:36Just kind of funny
00:10:38I mean
00:10:40Once you experience a man
00:10:43Why would you ever want
00:10:44To experience anything else?
00:10:46You know
00:10:46I'll admit
00:10:48Men
00:10:49Are great
00:10:50But you can't knock women
00:10:52Until you try them
00:10:53You know what?
00:10:54You keep telling yourself that
00:10:55And guess what?
00:10:57I'm gonna end up
00:10:57Seeing you on the dance floor
00:10:58At Peckers
00:11:00You know what?
00:11:01You will see me there
00:11:01And I'll bring my next girlfriend there
00:11:03And we'll have sex
00:11:04In the bathroom
00:11:04Like all those men do
00:11:06Sure you will
00:11:08Silly bi man
00:11:10What a homo
00:11:12Goddammit
00:11:12I'm bi
00:11:15Bi
00:11:27Dr. Oz was mentioning this wonderful grain
00:11:29That's a great source of protein
00:11:31If you're trying to stay off the animal flesh
00:11:35Quinoa
00:11:35I think that's what it was called
00:11:37Quinoa
00:11:38No honey
00:11:39That's not it
00:11:40Anyway
00:11:41I'm telling you
00:11:42The minute I went vegan
00:11:44My whole life changed
00:11:45I have so much more energy
00:11:47And my skin is glowing
00:11:49And oh my god
00:11:50My bowel movements are heaven
00:11:52Hey
00:11:52Do you have anything with
00:11:55Quinoa?
00:11:55Uh you mean quinoa?
00:11:57Oh that's it
00:11:58See quinoa
00:11:59Sadly no
00:12:00But we do have some vegetarian options
00:12:03Oh actually
00:12:04I'm vegan
00:12:05Really?
00:12:06Right on
00:12:07Me too
00:12:08Oh really?
00:12:09Yeah
00:12:09It's a little tricky right?
00:12:10Oh you're telling me
00:12:11I mean hello Coldstone
00:12:13Have you ever heard of Tofutti?
00:12:14I would go with the Vegera
00:12:16Sounds delightful
00:12:19And
00:12:20What can I get for you?
00:12:22I'll have the double bacon cheeseburger
00:12:25Oh honey
00:12:26And fries
00:12:28You got it
00:12:32How about this?
00:12:33You don't criticize my food
00:12:34And I won't tell the waitress
00:12:35You've been vegan for 11 days
00:12:37Oh
00:12:39Um
00:12:40Anytime Adam Lambert
00:12:43I hate it when it clumps
00:12:46Why the sudden interest in painting your face?
00:12:50Uh the ridiculously sexy hot host
00:12:53That peckers in the village
00:12:56Wait
00:12:56Hold on
00:12:57The one with long hair
00:12:58And wears eyeliner
00:13:00He's not gay
00:13:01He's not bad
00:13:03Jerry's still out
00:13:05So my plan
00:13:06Is to look as much like him as possible
00:13:08In hopes that he's a narcissist
00:13:09You're an asset
00:13:13So exciting news
00:13:15We are looking for teaching assistants at PS 14 for the after school art program
00:13:20And I submitted your resume
00:13:22And
00:13:24You have an interview for Tuesday
00:13:26Why would you do that?
00:13:28Because after graduation you are going to need a job
00:13:31And this will look great on your resume
00:13:33We've been through this
00:13:34I'm an artist
00:13:35That's what I'm going to school for on scholarship
00:13:37Might I remind you
00:13:38I just don't understand why you can't major in something more useful
00:13:43And I still don't really understand what it is exactly you do
00:13:47Digital birds
00:13:49Man
00:13:50Ocean sounds
00:13:51I create immersive virtual reality installations
00:13:53Well, in this program
00:13:55You will be able to create paper mache
00:13:58Origami
00:13:59And planters made out of milk cartons
00:14:02And then
00:14:02After graduation
00:14:03You'll get the 401k pension
00:14:06And your summer's off
00:14:08Although I know that
00:14:09You can't compete with every day off
00:14:12Fine
00:14:12I'll go
00:14:13Great
00:14:15I was reading in real simple
00:14:17That models with those very thin eyebrows
00:14:20When they want to grow them back
00:14:22They use Rogan
00:14:22Well, since full eyebrows are making a comeback
00:14:26And yours never really recovered
00:14:27From that twirling episode in eighth grade
00:14:29I was thinking
00:14:30Sure, sure
00:14:31Sign me up
00:14:32Really?
00:14:34Sure
00:14:35Why not?
00:14:37Alright
00:14:39Spill it
00:14:42So
00:14:44I'm a lesbian
00:14:45A lesbian
00:14:47A lesbian
00:14:48A lesbian
00:14:49A lesbian
00:14:55Yes, I know for sure
00:14:56No, it's not a phase
00:14:57Yes, I'm in a relationship with a girl
00:15:00And
00:15:00No, I don't know Ellen DeGeneres
00:15:05My girlfriend is on her way to meet you
00:15:09So I'm going to go outside
00:15:11And give you a minute
00:15:12So I'll sink in
00:15:21My ultimate dream for you
00:15:23Would be hair extensions
00:15:24And a push-up bra
00:15:27It's sad when dreams die
00:15:29You know
00:15:29I just don't get it
00:15:31You would look so beautiful
00:15:34If we could just sift through some of this any haul
00:15:36Another round of
00:15:37What kind of dyke is pike?
00:15:39I think I'll pass
00:15:40I get nervous when I can't categorize things
00:15:45Lipstick
00:15:46Or butch
00:15:50How am I supposed to sell it
00:15:52If I don't know what the hell it is?
00:15:56Oh
00:15:57Bitch
00:15:59Here you go
00:16:00One veggie wrap
00:16:02And one bacon cheeseburger
00:16:06Um
00:16:06Is everything okay?
00:16:08My daughter
00:16:10Just announced
00:16:11That
00:16:13She's a lesbian
00:16:15Right on
00:16:16That's great
00:16:17Really?
00:16:18Yeah
00:16:18I mean
00:16:19I'm a lesbian
00:16:20Oh
00:16:21Right
00:16:23Oh
00:16:23The whole place is
00:16:26Duh
00:16:28So you could help me
00:16:29Oh please
00:16:30Tell me what I need to know
00:16:33Before she gets back
00:16:34Do you have any pointers?
00:16:37Um
00:16:38Not much to it
00:16:40She's your daughter
00:16:41Right
00:16:42You love her
00:16:42And now she dates women
00:16:44Right
00:16:47I think maybe you shouldn't come
00:16:48Why?
00:16:49What happened?
00:16:50Was it bad?
00:16:51I'm just not sure this is a good idea
00:16:53Maybe it's too much for her too soon
00:16:55I know you and your mom are close
00:16:57But baby
00:16:58It's going to be fine
00:16:59Like ripping off a bandaid
00:17:02You did tell her
00:17:03You did tell her
00:17:03Yes
00:17:04I told her
00:17:06And
00:17:06How did she react?
00:17:08I didn't really wait to find out
00:17:09I just
00:17:09I ran outside and called you
00:17:10No
00:17:11See
00:17:13She's seeing someone
00:17:14And that person
00:17:15Is on their way over here
00:17:17I'm five blocks away
00:17:19Just take a deep breath
00:17:20It's going to be fine
00:17:21You'll be fine
00:17:27The lemon squares are pretty tasty here
00:17:29Kind of like you I'd bet
00:17:32I've seen you from around here before haven't I?
00:17:34Hey chase
00:17:37I'm going to go out on a limb here
00:17:39And say that your success rate's a little lower than you'd like
00:17:41I do alright
00:17:44No you don't
00:17:45I'm going to give you advice
00:17:46That's going to help you and the ladies out here a lot
00:17:49See that rainbow flag over there?
00:17:52Yeah
00:17:53There's no pot of gold for you at the end of that
00:17:55Catch my drift?
00:17:59I love it
00:18:01What do you love?
00:18:03That you're a lesbian
00:18:04I think it's great
00:18:06You finally got a thing
00:18:07And
00:18:09I've been speaking with Pike
00:18:10Pike?
00:18:11Is that even a name?
00:18:12Pike?
00:18:13Our waitress
00:18:15Anyway
00:18:17I'm excited to meet your girlfriend
00:18:19And I want you to know
00:18:20That I'm going to be keeping a very open mind
00:18:22Okay
00:18:24Oh here she is
00:18:31Mom
00:18:31This is Marianne
00:18:33Oh
00:18:34Hi
00:18:38Nice to meet you
00:18:43Maria
00:18:44Why don't you tell me a little about yourself
00:18:47Well I'm from Poughkeepsie
00:18:49But I moved to the city for law school
00:18:52And now I'm an English teacher
00:18:54Oh
00:18:54At which university?
00:18:56Middle school actually
00:18:57In the Bronx
00:18:58It's a charter school
00:19:00My mom was just trying to get me to take a teaching job
00:19:02That's because you don't have a law degree
00:19:05You have a hobby
00:19:06Doing something with birds
00:19:08She's a very talented artist
00:19:10Gail
00:19:10You don't have to tell me that my daughter is talented
00:19:13But is that art of hers going to pay for your engagement right?
00:19:17Um
00:19:18I think it's a little soon to be talking engagement
00:19:21So you're saying my daughter isn't marriage material?
00:19:24Mom
00:19:24That's not what I meant
00:19:25Well I suppose someone who sits on a law degree
00:19:28Is the same kind of person who would hem and haw about marriage
00:19:31That's not the case at all
00:19:32Gail
00:19:32I love Stephanie
00:19:33You are wasting my daughter's pretty
00:19:37She's almost 30 for Christ's sake
00:19:39Mom I'm 20
00:19:40Exactly
00:19:42Practically 30
00:19:42And you don't look any too young yourself
00:19:45A broke down oven full of rotten eggs
00:19:49Does not a double set of grandkids think
00:19:52Mother please stop your mouth from making any more words
00:19:54How is everything over here?
00:19:56Whimsical
00:19:57Lesbian
00:19:5824
00:20:00Med school
00:20:01And when you get your degree Pike
00:20:04What are you going to be?
00:20:06Uh
00:20:07Doctor
00:20:10Exactly
00:20:10And look how cute and funky she is
00:20:14Can you tell us the significance of this?
00:20:16Oh sure
00:20:16Yeah
00:20:17This is my Ganesh
00:20:18She's the remover of obstacles
00:20:21And this is Shiva
00:20:23The destroyer
00:20:25And I got her last year when I revisited the ashram
00:20:29What about the other arm?
00:20:30Oh uh
00:20:31Minnie Mouse
00:20:32Aww
00:20:32So enlightened
00:20:34See
00:20:35You girls are half-assing this whole lesbian thing
00:20:38With your blowout
00:20:40And those matching banana republic cardigans
00:20:43The whole thing
00:20:44It's just very
00:20:46Disappointing
00:20:49So food wise
00:20:50You're all set?
00:20:52She'll have the banana cream pie
00:20:53Okay
00:20:54It's not vegan
00:20:55I don't care
00:20:57Okay
00:20:59Oh my god
00:21:00How glad are you
00:21:01To not be sitting at that table
00:21:03Coming out to your mother
00:21:05Is that what's going on over there?
00:21:07Yeah
00:21:08No thanks
00:21:09Been there, done that
00:21:11Oh yeah
00:21:14I was 20
00:21:15Home for Christmas break
00:21:17Mom cried
00:21:19Dad said we'd discuss it in the morning
00:21:20What did he say?
00:21:22I'll let you know when that morning comes
00:21:25Mom
00:21:25I'm sorry we're not the lesbians you'd hoped we'd be
00:21:31You know
00:21:31I used to have a mohawk in high school
00:21:36Really?
00:21:38And I play on a softball league
00:21:41Is it a lesbian softball team?
00:21:44Um
00:21:46Yeah
00:21:46There are some lesbians on the team
00:21:48So sure
00:21:50And last year our friends had their own float on the pride parade
00:21:54Um
00:21:55I really shouldn't eat that
00:21:57I used to be vegan
00:21:59Oh no
00:22:01That's a terrible idea
00:22:02With your bird-like frame
00:22:03You really should be eating more substantially
00:22:04You're absolutely right, Mary Ann
00:22:07So are you feeling a little better about things now?
00:22:10Yes
00:22:11I actually am
00:22:12I really do love stuff, amigo
00:22:14Oh honey
00:22:15I can see that
00:22:17But I still think you should get Pike's number
00:22:20Just in case
00:22:27Would you like to join me for something to eat?
00:22:30Not really
00:22:32Maybe screwed a muffin?
00:22:33I'm not interested
00:22:36Not into men
00:22:38Not into you
00:22:39You fucking bitch
00:22:42People like to say
00:22:43Hey, sweetie
00:22:44Great to see you
00:22:45You too
00:22:47Look at you
00:22:48You look great yourself
00:22:51So how was your flight?
00:22:53Uneventful
00:22:53Thankfully
00:22:55What was that with that guy?
00:22:56Oh, just a creep
00:22:57I blew him off
00:22:58You gave him a mouth hug
00:22:59And he went away?
00:23:03Ew
00:23:04Like that would happen
00:23:05We're not in college anymore
00:23:08These people are weird looking
00:23:10I don't think I've ever seen so many tattoos in person
00:23:14Or should I say on one person?
00:23:16Are you sure this is a safe place for your brother to be working?
00:23:19Safe?
00:23:20Yeah
00:23:20They're harmless
00:23:21They're fun to hang out with
00:23:23And wild to go clubbing with
00:23:29Here comes Jamie now
00:23:30Hey sis, how are you?
00:23:32Hi Jamie
00:23:33This is my friend Alexa
00:23:37What did he say?
00:23:38Uh, he said he thinks you're hot
00:23:40Thanks
00:23:41Nice to meet you
00:23:43Uh, can I get you a coffee?
00:23:44Nothing yet
00:23:45She thinks your customers are weird
00:23:47And she wonders if this is a safe place for you to work
00:23:49Well, it's not dangerous, girl
00:23:51But there's plenty of drama
00:23:52With a capital D
00:23:54The other day
00:23:55This hot little Latino boy got into a water fight with his girlfriend
00:23:59Because he said he was bi
00:24:01Wait, they had a water fight because he said he's bilingual?
00:24:04No, bi as in bisexual
00:24:07Oh, gotcha
00:24:08A switch hitter
00:24:09Plays for both teams
00:24:11He's gay
00:24:11Well, that was the point
00:24:12He said he wasn't gay, he was bi
00:24:14He said he could turn his sexual preferences off
00:24:17And on
00:24:18Just like a light switch
00:24:22I'll be right back
00:24:24Gay, bi, it's the same thing
00:24:26If you're bi, you're gay
00:24:28Whether it's a he-she relationship or not
00:24:30It doesn't matter
00:24:31But it does
00:24:32Everyone is staring at you
00:24:34Wondering if you're just goofing
00:24:35Or insensitive to transgenders
00:24:37I don't look like a guy wearing women's clothes, do I?
00:24:39Just stop talking
00:24:40You're scaring me
00:24:41A guy who wears women's clothes performs as a drag queen
00:24:44Otherwise, he's just a weirdo
00:24:46You have heard of a man who's had a sex change, right?
00:24:48Snip, snip
00:24:50Okay, we happen to be in the epicenter of the LGBT community
00:24:53And the term he-she
00:24:55Is it not used here?
00:24:57B-L-T?
00:24:59G-community?
00:25:00You mean gay community?
00:25:02It's not a sandwich
00:25:04LGBT
00:25:05Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender
00:25:08Had to have heard of it before
00:25:09I'm not stupid
00:25:10I just don't know any gay people
00:25:13I'm sorry, but you do know gay people
00:25:15Like who?
00:25:16Like my brother
00:25:16Gay?
00:25:17Really?
00:25:18No freaking way
00:25:19Wow, you really don't have any gaydar
00:25:25That's for sure
00:25:25I probably should buy a gaydar the next time I'm at the mall
00:25:30I'm just kidding
00:25:31So have we decided yet?
00:25:33Just don't order anything fried
00:25:34Why?
00:25:35Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to
00:25:37I'm having that problem today
00:25:40Can I get a blueberry muffin?
00:25:42Something to drink?
00:25:43A nice tea would be great
00:25:44Sis, how about you?
00:25:46I'd like to share her muffin
00:25:50But um, I'll just have my own
00:25:52With an iced coffee
00:25:53Thanks
00:25:54Hey, you want to meet a really hot guy?
00:25:56Of course I do
00:25:59Is Adrian here?
00:26:03Adrian
00:26:06My little Latino firecracker
00:26:09Oh, he is hot
00:26:11He is McSteamy hot
00:26:15But don't tell him I said so
00:26:16Can you tell him to come over?
00:26:17Can do
00:26:18For a price
00:26:19Why does every favor have to cost me something?
00:26:21I just want my picture taken with him
00:26:24I'll go get my camera
00:26:26Be right back
00:26:29Adrian is very straight
00:26:31And very Latino
00:26:32His picture is the definition of
00:26:35Hot in the dictionary
00:26:37Well, at least he's hot
00:26:39Not flaming hot
00:26:41He's coming now
00:26:42Wow
00:26:44Besides coffee
00:26:44There's a reason to come here
00:26:46And that's a package
00:26:48Are you sure Adrian is not gay?
00:26:51Actually, I'm bi
00:26:52Uh, sorry about that
00:26:54Uh, Jamie told me that you were talking about the bi guy fight
00:26:57So I couldn't resist
00:26:58I'm straight
00:27:02Adrian, would you mind taking a picture
00:27:03With my brother?
00:27:05Um, of course not
00:27:08Picture time
00:27:31So, one of my orders is ready
00:27:32It was nice to meet you
00:27:37So, how exactly does this gaydar thing work?
00:27:41Simple
00:27:42See those two girls holding hands?
00:27:44The perfectly groomed guys?
00:27:47Just subtle hints
00:27:48Okay, sometimes there's screaming hints
00:27:51That's it?
00:27:52That's it
00:27:53What were you expecting?
00:27:55I don't know
00:27:56Maybe a sign on their back that says
00:27:58Kick me, I'm gay
00:27:59Borderline not funny
00:28:01I get the same sex thing
00:28:03I just don't get the physical part of it for a woman
00:28:06Don't they ever want a man?
00:28:08Well, not really
00:28:10Sometimes they switch it up or go solo
00:28:14That's why when God created man
00:28:16She realized that he had many flaws
00:28:18And she created pocket rockets
00:28:23Is that bi plate?
00:28:25Of course
00:28:27Where do you pick up all this stuff?
00:28:29At the toy store
00:28:33I assume we're not talking about toys over us
00:28:36More like toys for us
00:28:38Something for everyone
00:28:39Gay, straight, bisexual, trisexual
00:28:43Trisexual?
00:28:44Sure
00:28:44People willing to try new things
00:28:48You have to visit a toy store
00:28:49What do you think of Alexa?
00:28:52Yeah, I'd do her
00:28:53Sounds romantic
00:28:55She'd be happy
00:28:56I thought all you Latinos are about the love
00:28:59And the romance
00:29:00The courting
00:29:01And the seduction
00:29:02We're about the love making
00:29:04But that
00:29:05Not gonna happen
00:29:08You don't see it
00:29:11See what?
00:29:14I thought same-sex marriage meant just married folks who never change positions
00:29:18I'm trying to be serious
00:29:20I'm trying to stay out of the deep end of the pool
00:29:23I know gay people have great taste
00:29:25Tend to be trendy
00:29:27Have a gay parade in New York
00:29:29And don't have equal rights
00:29:31Why is that?
00:29:32Why we don't have equal rights?
00:29:33No, that they have better taste
00:29:38We
00:29:39You just said we
00:29:41Are you telling me?
00:29:43Really?
00:29:44So this is your coming out party?
00:29:46I wanted to tell you in person
00:29:48Because I haven't seen you in a while
00:29:49I know we talk on the phone all the time
00:29:51But I didn't think it would be the same
00:29:53I hope you're okay with it
00:29:55Oh, I'm okay with it
00:29:57In fact
00:29:58I'd just say I wouldn't mind learning more about it
00:30:18I've seen you here before
00:30:21I can't say the same about you
00:30:23But I am what you're looking for, right?
00:30:27Could be
00:30:27Hi, I'm Cheeks
00:30:29And I'm hungry
00:30:30This place has pretty good muffins
00:30:33But I hate it here inside
00:30:35Everyone always stares
00:30:36I can see why
00:30:44Fucking weirdos
00:30:59Weirdos
00:30:59I know
00:31:01You happy you're here?
00:31:02I'm very happy
00:31:03Me too
00:31:05Gentlemen
00:31:07Can I offer you dessert?
00:31:08Coffee?
00:31:09Well, I've always been partial to the desserts here
00:31:12What's on the menu?
00:31:13Tonight's special is apple bottom pie
00:31:20Take it
00:31:20Anything else?
00:31:22Yeah, can we get some bread, please?
00:31:24Bread after your meal
00:31:26Strange
00:31:27Let me know if I can get you anything else
00:31:30Phillip
00:31:33And I'm still waiting on my iced tea
00:31:37Dumbass bitch
00:31:46You didn't do those yet?
00:31:47I just got level 15 on the second world of Angry Birds
00:31:51And when do you plan to put those in the books?
00:31:53Soon
00:31:56Take the next table, I'll do it
00:31:58Thanks
00:31:59I hate you
00:32:05I think I just found my inner Einstein
00:32:08Too late
00:32:10That's not fair
00:32:12This guy gives me the creeps
00:32:14Plus, I don't think his accent's real
00:32:15It's not his fault, he's foreign
00:32:18It is his fault
00:32:20He's weird and creepy
00:32:21Vader
00:32:23Vader
00:32:23Vader is coming
00:32:26Welcome to the cup
00:32:27I'm Jamie
00:32:28We have a special tonight
00:32:30On the medium-sized soy
00:32:31Half-capped
00:32:32Double special
00:32:33Sugar-free caramel latte
00:32:34I'll have the special
00:32:36I'll take the oolong tea
00:32:37Blood
00:32:40Excuse me?
00:32:41Excuse me
00:32:42A brew
00:32:43Coffee brew of the day
00:32:51Coming right up
00:32:54Vlad
00:32:55Enough with the accent
00:32:57My Transylvanian is getting much better
00:32:59Vlad
00:33:00It's not working out for you
00:33:02At least I'm attempting to live the life of a... empire
00:33:10I was like you were an expert
00:33:12When we chose this life, we chose it with certain obligations that come with it
00:33:16To be honest, I'm quite appalled by your display outside, Jonathan
00:33:22So I wanted an appetizer
00:33:24It wasn't that you wanted the cookie before dinner, but that you wanted Lydia's cookie
00:33:28That's a stupid metaphor
00:33:30Lydia kills the men, you and I feed off the ladies
00:33:35Can we stop saying feed?
00:33:37Say take out for a drink or something
00:33:39Sounds better
00:33:40Were you going to take that charming gentleman out for a drink?
00:33:45I don't know how charming he was
00:33:47He was always around here creeping out perfectly nice people
00:33:50Hey, uh, shakes
00:33:52Lemon spurs are pretty tasty here
00:33:54Kind of like you, I bet
00:33:55Maybe split a muffin
00:33:58I want to take out the evildoer
00:33:59Okay, Lestat
00:34:01Try something original
00:34:02What does it matter?
00:34:04Ladies feed off the men and vice versa
00:34:06Coffin closed
00:34:07Ha ha ha
00:34:08You're wrong, Vlad
00:34:09Meaning the perfect vampire is gay
00:34:14No, the perfect vampire is bi
00:34:21Anyone who is bisexual, vampire or not, can't function in society
00:34:26You can never trust someone who's attracted to everything
00:34:31So you're saying no bisexual person has ever been in a stable relationship
00:34:35I told you, I just went through a breakup
00:34:39Yeah, but you didn't say it was with a woman, Philip
00:34:42Would I look better in a dress?
00:34:44I don't want you to wear a dress
00:34:45Why?
00:34:46Are you homophobic?
00:34:47Are you some sick sadistic straight man doing some experiment?
00:34:51I'm bi, dammit, I'm bi
00:34:54Well, great
00:34:55Well, I'm sure you won't mind buying me dinner
00:35:06Bisexuals make everyone uncomfortable
00:35:08So why bother approaching one?
00:35:10If you're the perfect vampire, you can get anyone to approach you
00:35:14I don't think it's that easy
00:35:15You can't just change what people want
00:35:17You want to make a bet on that
00:35:19What am I betting?
00:35:21If I win, I pick your next victim
00:35:24Hi
00:35:35Thank you
00:35:37Wait, where are you from?
00:35:39Boston
00:35:39I knew it
00:35:41Why don't you ask the lady where she's from
00:35:44Or, more importantly, where she's going tonight
00:35:48Jonathan
00:35:50I'm sorry, but I don't think you get it
00:35:53I don't think you get it
00:35:57She's a huge queen
00:35:59Really?
00:36:01Trust me
00:36:01Big drag
00:36:03Well, sugar
00:36:08I'm completely honored to be standing next to somebody
00:36:14So convincing
00:36:16We close in about a half hour or so
00:36:19What do you say you stick around and blow my popsicle stand?
00:36:27Answer the gentleman, Lydia
00:36:33Um, let me finish my tea first
00:36:35Enjoy that
00:36:36Ooh, it's long tea
00:36:39Let me know if you need a refill
00:36:49Andrea
00:36:50Never gonna believe the queen I just
00:36:53Wait, what queen?
00:36:54The corset
00:36:57I mean, even I didn't know
00:36:59But then when he said it, I was just like
00:37:01Wait, Lydia
00:37:01I'm telling you now, she is not a queen, trust me
00:37:04What?
00:37:05But he said
00:37:06I can't believe I
00:37:09Drea, you have to cover for me
00:37:11She's pretty, right?
00:37:13You can just
00:37:14No, seriously
00:37:15She's not interested in me
00:37:16She made that very clear
00:37:23Jonathan, that wasn't fair
00:37:24What?
00:37:25I saw you lost a bat
00:37:27You can't just lead someone on like that
00:37:29No different than staying in the closet
00:37:30I don't think Jamie was ever in the closet
00:37:32Who says I'm talking about Jamie?
00:37:34What do you imply?
00:37:35What I'm trying to say, Lydia
00:37:38Is why did you come to me and say you needed to change a year?
00:37:41I told you
00:37:43Thought you could help me
00:37:44That this is what I wanted
00:37:46I didn't bring you in this still of a lie
00:37:49I have no clue what you're talking about
00:37:58That's what I'm talking about
00:37:59I didn't pick you to be my mate
00:38:02I picked you to be my friend
00:38:04Wait
00:38:05The two of you aren't an item?
00:38:08No, Vlad
00:38:09Do you have a problem with that?
00:38:12What you're insinuating is making me uncomfortable
00:38:15You know what makes me uncomfortable?
00:38:18You
00:38:18And your close-mindedness
00:38:20And your horrible stereotyping
00:38:21And that goddamn Transylvanian accent
00:38:23It works
00:38:24It never worked
00:38:25I don't think you and I work
00:38:27Oh
00:38:28So now we're in a relationship now, huh?
00:38:30How do you feel about that?
00:38:32I didn't mean that
00:38:33Because you would have a problem being with another man
00:38:35You're jailbait
00:38:37And a guy
00:38:38You're an asshole
00:38:39Guys, stop it
00:38:40I'm going to find
00:38:43Some real vampires
00:38:47Good luck, Dracula
00:38:50Get off my case, Edward
00:39:06Forget it
00:39:09You have a bargain to fulfill
00:39:13I lost my chance last year
00:39:15Stood her up
00:39:16Talk to her, Lydia
00:39:17You don't have to feed off her
00:39:19Just talk to her
00:39:20And then coffin closed
00:39:26Thanks, John
00:39:36Look, Lydia, is it?
00:39:38I think you're pretty and all
00:39:40Jamie, you're sweet
00:39:41But
00:39:42I have other plans tonight
00:39:45Thank you, Jesus
00:39:49Hey, Andrea
00:39:52We're closing in five minutes
00:39:53I know
00:39:53I just wanted to know
00:39:54If I could talk to you
00:39:56I could use some explanation
00:39:59Let me close up
00:40:00And
00:40:01We could go to my place
00:40:03I'd like that
00:40:12You go, girl
00:40:23I got this one
00:40:28Hello, Daddy
00:40:34Hello
00:40:36And welcome to the cup
00:40:38Home of the rainbow cookie
00:40:41Didn't I tell you
00:40:42This would be your type of place
00:40:43Well, yes
00:40:44And much more
00:40:46Than the menu
00:40:47Looks delicious
00:40:49Any recommendations?
00:40:51Why don't you let me surprise you?
00:40:53Can we start with your number?
00:40:55Wow
00:40:56I mean
00:40:57You boys really do work fast
00:41:01Be back in a flash, handsome
00:41:07Okay
00:41:10I'm happy
00:41:11That my daughter
00:41:12Is finding herself
00:41:13And her coming out
00:41:15Has really opened my eyes
00:41:17I'm just going to enjoy
00:41:19Going to a new book club
00:41:21So what do you think?
00:41:23Table at three o'clock?
00:41:25Nice to be around
00:41:26This whole new group
00:41:28Of intellectuals
00:41:29That I never cared to know
00:41:30Existed before
00:41:31I've never been with a
00:41:33Soul Fox Sugar Daddy before
00:41:35Yes, yes
00:41:36That includes you
00:41:37My deciding factor
00:41:40Suddenly rising to the occasion
00:41:44Go for it then
00:41:45Why not?
00:41:46I mean
00:41:46You wouldn't want to lose
00:41:47Your track record
00:41:48Of sleeping with every customer
00:41:49Who walks in
00:41:50Shut up
00:41:51You're just jealous
00:41:53You see this?
00:41:54You're doing just fine
00:41:55My playa friend
00:41:58Yeah, don't I know it
00:41:59I think I'm just happy
00:42:03To have people
00:42:04I can have serious conversations
00:42:09Let me tell you
00:42:18Let them end
00:42:19Let them end
00:42:20Bring them all
00:42:22Bring them all
00:42:23Bring them all
00:42:24Let them end
00:42:26Let them end
00:42:26Come on
00:42:27Bring them all
00:42:28Bring them all
00:42:29All your girls in the crowd
00:42:32You do already know
00:42:33Why you sippin' out
00:42:35You're gonna be on my table
00:42:36All you girls in the crowd
00:42:38Yeah, we already know
00:42:39What you zippin' up
00:42:41You're gonna be on my table
00:42:42If you bring more bottles
00:42:44For experimental models
00:42:46Like the money takes the run
00:42:47I'll go ahead and dazzle
00:42:49Yeah, tonight we taking this
00:42:50To the highest level
00:42:51C-C-Cuz if you came out to play
00:42:53Come give me that good trouble
00:42:54Oh, well, looky, looky
00:43:01What the cash track did
00:43:08I didn't think I'd ever see you
00:43:10In here again
00:43:11Yeah, well, I didn't think
00:43:12I'd ever see you again either
00:43:13You guys are going to get some bread?
00:43:16Bread?
00:43:18With a sandwich?
00:43:20Hello, carbs
00:43:28O-M-G
00:43:31I thought your poor bisexual boyfriend
00:43:33Was the confused one
00:43:34Shut up, dude
00:43:35I met this little lady
00:43:36At the Red Snapper
00:43:38The other week
00:43:38That's the way that I am
00:43:40And I know that you won't understand
00:43:42It's not about
00:43:44Does this mean you two
00:43:45Already living together or what?
00:43:47Well, if it was up to me
00:43:49I, uh, would've gotten to be the first date
00:43:52But this one's a newbie
00:43:53So I'm trying not to scare her off
00:43:55That's bad, you're so funny
00:43:57You know what, um, excuse me
00:43:58One second
00:43:59I'm just going to go to the little ladies room
00:44:06Isn't she adorable?
00:44:08You do realize
00:44:10The last time I saw her straight ass in here
00:44:12She was calling her boyfriend a faggot
00:44:14Faggot, faggot, faggot
00:44:18Just be careful with this one, Pikeby
00:44:20Well, all girls are straight until they're not
00:44:23You know
00:44:24And I'm fine with showing her the life
00:44:27Okay
00:44:28Have fun with that
00:44:43Oh, shit, Jamie, you have to help me
00:44:45I had one night stand with that crazy bitch over there
00:44:47And now she's stalking me
00:44:48And Helen can't know
00:44:50Because it was the night after we met
00:44:51Look, please, distract her
00:44:52Please, please, please, help me
00:44:54Yeah, I'll get right on that
00:44:57Hi, sexy
00:44:59Wow
00:45:01How come you didn't call me back?
00:45:02I know why you can make it up to me
00:45:06Hey, honey
00:45:07Hello
00:45:08How you doing?
00:45:10Um, this is an old friend
00:45:11And a really good customer
00:45:13And she's here with her really cute girlfriend
00:45:16Actually, I decided to abort that fetus last week
00:45:20She was just way too young and eager
00:45:23And don't even get me started
00:45:25On her overbearing mother from hell
00:45:27Wait, what?
00:45:29You dumped her?
00:45:30After the night we shared
00:45:31Come on
00:45:32What?
00:45:33Um, no, it's
00:45:34Did you meet my, uh, my girlfriend, Helen?
00:45:37I'm not your girlfriend
00:45:40And who the hell is she?
00:45:42Nothing, nothing
00:45:43She's, it was a stupid one night stand
00:45:45It didn't mean anything
00:45:46It was before I met you
00:45:47And I just, it's, you know how I used to be?
00:45:50Well, I'm changing all that for you
00:45:51And I just, wait, what?
00:45:53You're not my girlfriend?
00:45:55Wait, wait
00:45:57One moment
00:45:59You said you loved me
00:46:01Yeah, that was like, you know, in the heat of the moment
00:46:03And just, we were about to bang
00:46:04And I just thought you might need some girly assurance
00:46:06To go through with this
00:46:07Wow, you know what?
00:46:08This is not helping your case, Mike
00:46:09Excuse me, I need some air
00:46:14How's it going?
00:46:15Oh
00:46:18I'm, I'm really sorry
00:46:19I'm just a bit out of sorts
00:46:20No, no
00:46:21That's okay
00:46:21You don't need to apologize
00:46:23We couldn't help but over here
00:46:25I happen to know that troublemaker over there
00:46:28So you're saying my daughter isn't marriage material?
00:46:31Mom
00:46:31That's not what I meant
00:46:32Mary Ann broke my baby's heart
00:46:36Um, excuse me, but how do you know her?
00:46:39Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to butt in
00:46:42But come on, I'm still your mom, okay?
00:46:44So, do you mind?
00:46:46Oh, I'm sorry
00:46:47This is my friend and fabulous realtor, Harold
00:46:51Why don't you have a seat?
00:46:53Yes, please, join us
00:46:56Girl troubles?
00:46:57Thank you
00:46:58Uh, yeah, girl troubles
00:47:02I mean, no
00:47:05I mean, I don't know
00:47:08I'm just so confused
00:47:11Those guys are so gruff and emotionally void and sensitive
00:47:18No offense
00:47:21These girls, they're just jealous, bitchy, clingy, competitive
00:47:27That's well said
00:47:29But I do think you're coming at this from a biased point of view
00:47:34It's not all black and white, you just haven't met the right person yet
00:47:38Thank you, I hope you're right
00:47:39I am
00:47:41I just haven't found someone I really gel with, you know
00:47:47Maybe I should just run away and join a convent
00:47:49I wonder what would actually piss off my little Jewish mother more
00:47:54Being gay
00:47:56Or converting
00:47:59Boy, they
00:48:00Exactly
00:48:02That would be a total waste
00:48:04I mean, I certainly wouldn't let you go if I had someone like you to come home to
00:48:11What?
00:48:11What?
00:48:12What?
00:48:13Wow
00:48:15Gail, you really have come a long way
00:48:19I remember when you just wanted to be my friend just to be trendy
00:48:22Right
00:48:22And now I think you just hit on a woman in front of me
00:48:27That's what
00:48:30Wow
00:48:31Wow
00:48:32I think she's just being overly nice
00:48:35Which is something I could really use right now
00:48:37So thank you
00:48:38My perceptive friend is not wrong
00:48:42I find you surprisingly attractive
00:48:48How you all doing over here?
00:48:50Just another normal day at the cup
00:48:52You know what?
00:48:53I can't not deal with this
00:48:57Please
00:48:58Look at this
00:48:59Marianne, shut the hell up, okay?
00:49:02Gail, you were right about this woman
00:49:04Helen, please
00:49:05Please, just give me a chance to explain, okay?
00:49:07Uh, hello, Pike
00:49:09It's very nice to see you
00:49:11You know I like and respect you
00:49:13But I think that Helen needs her space here
00:49:16She's got to figure out her feelings
00:49:18Oh, I'm sorry
00:49:18Look, I didn't mean to speak for you
00:49:20It's just a little protective thing that I do
00:49:22And maybe I'm being a bit selfish
00:49:26Wait
00:49:26What the hell is going on here?
00:49:29Is this for real?
00:49:32Oh, man
00:49:38Officially, too much estrogen for me
00:49:41Do you think you could, uh, show me where the men's room is?
00:49:46I think, yes
00:49:50I could
00:50:03I can't do this
00:50:04Okay, whatever this is
00:50:07Okay, I'm not ready to be the one for you
00:50:10The one who you give all the good times away for
00:50:14Not that I had such a good time over there
00:50:18And Gail
00:50:20Bladdered as I am
00:50:22I don't want to be your project
00:50:24So, where does that leave me?
00:50:27I guess go back to guys
00:50:29Or I could date people like you, Marianne
00:50:32Bitch
00:50:32Whore
00:50:33Seriously?
00:50:34Marianne, you need to shut the hell up and get out of here, okay?
00:50:38Whatever
00:50:38Whatever
00:50:39You know what?
00:50:40I'll see you next week at the Red Snapper
00:50:42When you're single and horny again
00:50:44And maybe I'll say hi
00:50:45Have fun chasing this straight girl
00:50:51Wow
00:50:52Wow
00:50:54Wow
00:50:55Wow
00:51:02So
00:51:05Harold
00:51:12Here's my number
00:51:16Actually
00:51:17I need to be going
00:51:20Gail kisses
00:51:22I'll see you later
00:51:25Gotta run
00:51:25Those houses are not going to sell themselves
00:51:31What the fuck?
00:51:33What was that?
00:51:36Did I just get rejected?
00:51:40Oh my god
00:51:41Like why?
00:51:42Why did I come in here?
00:51:43Why do I do this to myself?
00:51:44It's like a fucking freak show
00:51:47Uh
00:51:48Gail
00:51:50Pike
00:51:52Assface
00:51:53Been real as always
00:51:54Assface
00:51:57Been real as always
00:52:01Oh
00:52:01Hey
00:52:03I'm Chase
00:52:03What's your rush, pretty lady?
00:52:05Are you kidding?
00:52:08Not today, mister
00:52:09You do realize this is a gay establishment, right?
00:52:12Uh
00:52:13Of course
00:52:14Would you like to have a threesome
00:52:16With any of these pretty ladies in here?
00:52:18Oh my god
00:52:18I officially hate women and men
00:52:20Get out of my way
00:52:21You fucking pervert
00:52:23What a crazy bitch
00:52:27Damn confused straight girls
00:52:29When will I learn?
00:52:30I know, right?
00:52:32Damn breeders
00:52:34I just can't wait
00:52:36I just can't wait
00:52:36For the night to come
00:52:38Oh
00:52:39I'll promise he'd be early for the tap dance carpool today
00:52:43All the moms have been calling for play dates saying their daughters are in love with Jessie
00:52:47Oh yeah, look at my leg, mom
00:52:49So cute
00:52:50Great, let's get these shoes on you, mister
00:52:52How's my boyfriend?
00:52:53I love you, ball girl
00:52:54Chocolate milk for the young man
00:52:57And what can I get for you ladies?
00:52:59Can I have a decaf cappuccino, please?
00:53:01Double espresso for me, thanks
00:53:03Oh, very macho
00:53:04Very tired
00:53:09Are these your, uh, your children's books?
00:53:12Yes
00:53:13We have a thousand more copies in the hallway
00:53:15So this interview stuff we're shooting today better help sell them
00:53:19Yay, my parents are gay
00:53:22Catchy
00:53:23Mom, can I play a game on your iPhone, please?
00:53:27Oh, ask your mom
00:53:29Mom, please
00:53:31You can bonk monkeys with coconuts and slice fruit but nothing with guns or explosions and the sounds turned down,
00:53:38deal?
00:53:38Deal
00:53:39Alright
00:53:40Isn't there a famous book about two mommies?
00:53:42Yes, but twenty years later with the support of Bart Simpson and the controversy rages on
00:53:47The premise of our book is that it's better to be the child of LGBT parents
00:53:52There's scientific proof to support that fact
00:53:54I like it
00:53:55It starts out with a classic picture book, followed with a section on discussions and then a glossary of terms
00:54:02My parents bought me a book about sex when I was young
00:54:04And when I told them I had crushes on girls, they said, please refer to the book and if it's
00:54:08not in the book, please don't do it
00:54:10I think I'll buy it just to get their reaction
00:54:13Well, our first sale
00:54:15Let me get your drinks
00:54:17I think we'll have to charge fifty dollars a copy to recoup our investment
00:54:31Hey, little diva
00:54:32Hi, wait person
00:54:35Jesse, come sit with me
00:54:37Are you ordering a muffin with a shank in it for that sleazy-dyed chuck?
00:54:41Promise to watch if you get on a reality series about brokers behind bars
00:54:45It could be hard to sell those dingy little cells
00:54:48But the big yard is nice
00:54:51Want to let Shirley Temple beautiful?
00:54:54No, do you ever die? Because he's a rat, snitch, stool pigeon
00:54:58Rat, snitch, and stool pigeon all mean the same thing
00:55:03Just a soda
00:55:04We have to leave soon
00:55:06First don't
00:55:07We are going to need to move this along
00:55:13This is why some animals eat their young
00:55:20What's this?
00:55:22Coffee's on the house today, Pike just dropped it off
00:55:25Charming
00:55:27And how's my favorite lezzies?
00:55:30Good, how are you?
00:55:33I'm vermished
00:55:34My office has been shattered
00:55:36Turns out my boss, Chuck
00:55:39Has been showing whites
00:55:40Upscale properties
00:55:42And blacks
00:55:43Trash properties
00:55:44That's horrible
00:55:45The real estate board sends in two couples
00:55:48With similar financials
00:55:50But different skin colors
00:55:52And Chuck the shmup falls for it
00:55:55Police came in and confiscated our computers this morning
00:55:59That must have been so stressful for you
00:56:01My license could have been suspended
00:56:04So I showed the one cute policeman
00:56:09Chuck's login and password
00:56:12Did you not show us apartments in certain neighborhoods?
00:56:15Thank you for that vote of confidence
00:56:18But no, the racial steering was reserved only for the high-end house buy-ins
00:56:24Though I did try to get a kickback from the motorcycle co-op for keeping you two out of their
00:56:29building
00:56:29You did great by us
00:56:31A beautiful co-op run by asylum inmates
00:56:36How's your book going?
00:56:38Well, we published it ourselves, so now we have to sell it ourselves
00:56:42Lunatics who wrote about carrying around plumbing lines to whip their defying children have over 670,000 books in circulation
00:56:51Well, that how to spank your helpless tot book probably doesn't have full color photos like yours
00:56:58That was your business mistake
00:57:01Wow
00:57:02I was not expecting to see that
00:57:08Don't believe everything you read
00:57:15Fred and Ginger
00:57:17Are you famous, Daddy?
00:57:23Have you ever seen an alien?
00:57:25No and no
00:57:28Out now
00:57:32Are you from another planet?
00:57:35Don't talk to strangers
00:57:38I don't have to be a stranger
00:57:39No, it's fine
00:57:43Glad you can make it, Gail
00:57:45Hi
00:57:45I just want to clarify, this is for my daughter Stephanie, right?
00:57:50Yeah, but you're officially queer friendly if you're a supporter of gays in their books
00:57:56Terrific
00:57:57Stephanie is beautiful, funny, intelligent, but she does need to lighten up a little bit
00:58:03So I was hoping you could just hang out with her and do some harmless drugs, something like that
00:58:08Well, it's an odd request from a mom, but sure, why not?
00:58:13Let me introduce you to Patricia and Joyce
00:58:16I would like you to meet Gail
00:58:18She's volunteering because her oldest daughter just came out
00:58:21Right over there at that table, in fact
00:58:23Great to meet you
00:58:24Hi
00:58:27Hi
00:58:32Sorry, man, sorry about that
00:58:33Oh, it's AJ, our edgy lesbian filmmaker
00:58:38Hey AJ, what can I help with?
00:58:40You know what? Well, I'm gonna take this
00:58:42And this, and I'll go put my feet up, how about that?
00:58:45Seriously, is this it, or do you have other stuff?
00:58:47No, unless we're doing a full-length feature
00:58:49We're covered
00:58:50Alright, cool, so I'm gonna tell all the patrons who want to stay while we're filming to make sure to
00:58:54keep the noise down
00:58:55You know what, it's not really that important, between the gay weddings and straight-bar mixers
00:58:59I'll do plenty of interviews, noise ain't gonna be a problem
00:59:02Cool
00:59:06Excuse me
00:59:09May I have your attention, please?
00:59:13Thank you
00:59:16For the next few minutes, there's gonna be a taping of some interviews
00:59:19And they are going to accompany the rainbow-friendly children's book
00:59:29If you all plan on being discovered, you can come up here
00:59:33Fill out one of these release forms
00:59:36And we will make sure that we show you looking completely fierce
00:59:41In the background
00:59:42There you go, handsome
00:59:54All right, everybody settle now, settle, settle
00:59:57Just keep your voices up, we're gonna be rolling here, all right?
01:00:01So how did you feel after reading Yay, My Parents Are Gay?
01:00:06Deeply disappointed by my sexual interest in men
01:00:11And what was your favorite part of Yay, My Parents Are Gay?
01:00:14I like the glossary, so you know what the heck you've just been called
01:00:19Did this book lead to a new understanding or awareness?
01:00:24In the discussion section, you cite a study that found that the children of right-wing Christian fundamentalists
01:00:30Who attend church picnics are 50% more likely to become obese
01:00:35I was not aware of the caloric content of evangelical potato salad
01:00:41And I am deeply appalled by all those who oppose homosexuality
01:00:53So, as a teacher, would you recommend reading this book to your students?
01:00:59Yes, classrooms should be homophobia-free spaces
01:01:07And would you recommend that parents purchase Yay, My Parents Are Gay for their children's library?
01:01:12This book should be in libraries everywhere
01:01:19This book will help children grow up to be open and tolerant human beings
01:01:29It's really a book about love
01:01:46You are not gonna believe who I ran into, Peckers, last night
01:01:49Ugh
01:01:51Oh
01:01:53What's up, Madam Owner?
01:01:55Where's Clara?
01:01:56She's gone!
01:02:00Holy...
01:02:00It shocked me too! The bitch just decided to up and leave!
01:02:05I can't believe she didn't tell me!
01:02:07We need a new manager
01:02:08Oh boo, I'm not at the door so I caught the crepe and pierce
01:02:10So come on in and post an ad on Christmas when the rush is over, please
01:02:16Sure, we'll get right on that
01:02:17Damn, man
01:02:27Left on Sunrise Highway and then a... a left
01:02:32A LEFT!
01:02:34Never mind
01:02:36Craigslist end is up. The rush is over
01:02:38Look, Jamie, I want you to be the manager
01:02:41You've been my number two for so long
01:02:43It's just about time, I think you're ready
01:02:46B
01:02:47Let's think about this for a second
01:02:49See, I have this system with doing as little work as possible
01:02:52So you're telling me now?
01:02:54Yeah, I'm afraid so
01:02:56Well, you better be ready to be here all night then
01:02:58I don't do nights
01:02:59Girl, are you giving me lip?
01:03:02No, sorry, Madam B
01:03:04That's more like it
01:03:07So...
01:03:07Come in tomorrow, we'll go over
01:03:11Is that an extra block?
01:03:13It's a cleavage creator
01:03:16Put a little highlighting and some contour
01:03:17And the boys will be scaring at your rack all night long
01:03:21It's gonna look really good
01:03:23Did you have an extra choice?
01:03:28Yeah
01:03:29So they diagnosed me as a hooligan
01:03:32Yeah, perhaps
01:03:36Ooh la la
01:03:39Here to pick up my check
01:03:43You sure you don't want to just try your luck?
01:03:46Clara just quit
01:03:47I'm sure it's the best decision she's ever made
01:03:50No thanks, man, I'll stick to converting lesbians then part-time
01:03:53You slut!
01:03:54You wish!
01:04:02Can you tell me why you're interested in working here?
01:04:05My mom wanted me to get a job
01:04:07So I could move out of her basement
01:04:09So it says you've been arrested for theft twice
01:04:12I really think I learned my lesson after being caught stealing supplies the second time
01:04:16Bottom or top?
01:04:17You?
01:04:19Top
01:04:21So do you believe in having sex with your employees?
01:04:24What about employer?
01:04:27Want some?
01:04:29Oh, what are your skills is underwater basket weaving?
01:04:31How great!
01:04:32I don't want to speak English
01:04:35Now why do you think you're qualified for this job?
01:04:38I put out a few flaming fives if you know what I mean
01:04:41Listen, I just gotta prove the unemployment I'm looking for a job
01:04:43Will you sign this?
01:04:44Um, manicures
01:04:46Oh, you're Asian, that's not stereotypical at all
01:04:49It says on here you're bisexual
01:04:50Oh, I already have one of those, I'm sorry
01:04:53Um, you mean like now to get the job?
01:04:59Burger Queen
01:05:00It is Burger King, actually
01:05:02Sounds great
01:05:04Well, it depends, can I uh, uh, fist you?
01:05:09So why do you think you're appropriately, uh, ready for this job?
01:05:14I had sex in a hot tub once
01:05:15Yeah
01:05:16What's your previous education?
01:05:17Clown college
01:05:20Wonderful
01:05:21that's a-
01:05:22Where do you identify on this?
01:05:26I just gotta do this
01:05:28I just gotta do this
01:05:29I just got murdered
01:05:29I just gonna have ever do this
01:05:30I just gotta-
01:05:31I just gotta do this
01:05:32I just gotta do this
01:05:33I just gotta do it
01:05:34I just gotta razbrace
01:05:35Ooooh
01:05:36I just gotta-
01:05:36This is useless
01:05:40well hello there gorgeous hi i'm chase when did you start working here
01:05:49what's it to you playing hard to get that's all right babe i prefer the challenge listen honey
01:06:04well i uh i get off in about five minutes
01:06:11if it's all the same to you but for a little longer than that
01:06:19meet me out back i'll start the car
01:06:28i got the problem is to live here holy
01:06:35looky-doki jamie sweets i am out of here have a good shift you look great and i
01:06:39will you have to cover for me
01:06:44you owe me
01:06:48fine
01:06:52if you could meet anyone living or dead who would it be
01:06:56um the living one super
01:07:04not a damn one of them comes close to what we need
01:07:08where's jamie we got a date i know i swear i'll be fine
01:07:16i didn't think he'd be back
01:07:26hi hi my name is josh taylor i emailed you my resume earlier but i couldn't make it until now
01:07:33hope i'm not too late well you're right on time oh thanks
01:07:39have a seat how are you i'm good
01:07:42oh aren't you a cute little slice of humble pie
01:07:44oh thank you yeah i was super excited to see that you guys were hiring i've been coming in here
01:07:50just
01:07:50about every night since i moved here oh oh wow so so you're gay
01:07:57well yeah i am but i don't shoot rainbows unless you want me to
01:08:03oh great well then you'll fit in right here good i thought so too
01:08:10i can't believe they couldn't find a single apple
01:08:12have you been paying attention to their clientele at all
01:08:16i mean you really shouldn't be too surprised
01:08:20i mean why have you applied are you kidding me there's only so much of jamie i can handle in
01:08:25one day
01:08:27what was that
01:08:39i know it sounds like you did the right thing helen i mean come on
01:08:43if he wasn't getting some on the side he would have been soon
01:08:50i can't i can't do this come on helen come on okay you have been on the market
01:08:58okay today things are going to be different come on
01:09:05josh helen
01:09:08how are things how are things you have the balls to ask me how things are you
01:09:15fucking whore okay helen come on come on i don't think it's the right time to be doing anything
01:09:19i think you need to step away right now because you don't want to know what
01:09:22fucking crazy hey at least i thought he was gay and who in the hell would be willing enough to
01:09:32be
01:09:32dating a bi guy
01:09:38i hate you you fucking queers
01:09:43oh no not in my house you cunty little
01:09:47bitch
01:09:48meet me at the party
01:10:00let's go
01:10:11By the way, you're hired.
01:10:15And you can start with cleaning up all of this shit.
01:10:19Fucking homos.
01:10:31No turning back, no taking notes.
01:10:35Answers that are not my own.
01:10:38I see you hating on me, me, me, me, me, me.
01:10:42I see what you're trying to be, me.
01:10:46You're trying to be me, me, me, me, me, me.
01:10:49But you're still hating on me, me, me.
01:10:53I see you hating on me.
01:10:55I see you the way you are.
01:10:57Everything around you is wrong, so back up.
01:11:00I see you hating on me.
01:11:02I see you the way you are.
01:11:04You just want to be me, so back the fuck up.
01:11:08I'd just like to say a few more things.
01:11:12Shut the front door and let me sing.
01:11:15I'm sick and tired of being unknown.
01:11:19Someone come on and call my phone.
01:11:23Break, break the news that I've arrived.
01:11:26Tell the people that this is do or die.
01:11:30I don't care what you do or say.
01:11:34I'ma do this my own damn way.
01:11:38No turning back, no taking notes.
01:11:42Answers that are not my own.
01:11:45I don't care what you do or say.
01:11:49I'ma do this my own damn way.
01:11:52No turning back, no turning back, no taking notes.
01:11:56Answers that are not, not my own.
01:11:59I've been told I couldn't know.
01:12:03I didn't like it so I could talk.
01:12:07More years, more notes.
01:12:21I'ma do this my own damn way.
01:12:24I don't care what you do or say.
01:12:33I've heard you do this my own damn way.
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