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Short filmTranscript
00:02Cold! Mum's done the signal. So everybody knows where my party is.
00:10How many people did you invite? Um, four. You, F, Emily and Naomi.
00:15Naomi? Why did you invite her? Em says I have to or she won't come.
00:20Oh, sweet. Come on, we can do brownies and then lick our balls out.
00:25Do you think she knows she sounds filthy half the time?
00:28Sometimes I wonder.
00:31Mum!
00:37Fiddlesticks! Panda, we have spoken about shouting like a goat in the house.
00:43Sorry. Look, Mum, friends. Still shouting, Panda?
00:46Calm time, please. I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm calm.
01:00So, this is Effie. Effie! We meet at last? Yes. Pandora's told me so much about you.
01:06Yeah, you know, F, your missionary work. Yes, I try and do as much of that as I can.
01:11That's good. There's so many bad things in the world. Boys and drugs, guns, alcohol, boys, evil things.
01:20I'm glad Pandora's found a channel she can pour her energy into.
01:24Well, yes. All the seamen like her.
01:27Seamen? Oh, yes. Loads of seamen. Some of them are homeless as well. We'd all love to see Pandora get
01:33her own missionary position.
01:37Right. It's lovely. And this is Katie. Katie, I haven't heard about you.
01:44She's a new friend, Mum. Stupid.
01:48Well, that's wonderful. We're not used to having so many friends, are we, Pandora?
01:54No. And I've got more. Heaps more. Two more.
01:58Oh, friends. Goodness. Well, we're going to have a wild old time, aren't we?
02:02I hope you all like playing monster in the dark. Looking forward to it.
02:07I'd expect you all want to wash your hands and take your shoes off.
02:12Come on. I'll show your mum's special box.
02:27London's burning, London's burning.
02:30London's burning, London's burning, London's burning.
02:34London's burning, London's burning.
02:36London's burning, London's burning.
02:40London's burning, London's burning.
02:42London's burning, London's burning.
02:42London's burning, London's burning.
02:45London's burning, London's burning.
02:46London's burning, London's burning.
02:47London's burning, London's burning.
02:49London's burning, London's burning.
02:51London's burning, London's burning.
02:53London's burning, London's burning.
02:56London's burning, London's burning.
02:59London's burning, London's burning.
03:01London's burning, London's burning.
03:02I'm in the kitchen, in the kitchen, in the kitchen, in the kitchen!
03:07Fucking hell.
03:12Yes?
03:13Nothing, young lady.
03:15I have nothing to say to you at all.
03:19Fuck it. Hi!
03:21Jesus.
03:25Never been to a pachyama party before, so I bought vodka.
03:29Was that right? Dunno.
03:32I don't wear pyjamas.
03:34Right.
03:37I don't know why she invited me anyway.
03:39I hardly know her.
03:40I asked her to invite you.
03:43I thought we sorted this out.
03:44No, I didn't mean, like...
03:46Well, it doesn't hurt to get to know each other, does it?
03:48We're in the same class. We'll be hanging out for the next two years, and you...
03:51You're gonna tell people you're gay any time soon?
03:55What?
03:56I'm not.
03:58I'm not gay.
03:58Me?
04:01I'm telling you, Em.
04:02You haven't thought this true, have you?
04:04No.
04:05So can I just say again?
04:06Me, not muff muncher.
04:08Me, cock cruncher.
04:12You getting any cock?
04:16I have done.
04:18Except he had erectile dysfunction.
04:21Seventeen times.
04:24I was getting tennis elbow, you know.
04:32Yes?
04:33Can I help you with something?
04:34No.
04:36This is a quiet cul-de-sac, and you are disgraceful young women.
04:41Yeah?
04:42Let's go fuck yourself.
04:43Tossle.
04:44Hi!
04:47What?
04:48Hey.
04:49Mum!
04:51More friends!
04:52Naomi and Emily!
04:53Calm.
04:54Please, Panda.
04:55Oh, yeah.
04:56I'm calm.
04:58I'm calm.
05:00We've been so looking forward to this, haven't we, Panda?
05:02Yeah.
05:04What?
05:05Oh, yeah.
05:05Shoes!
05:08Are you all chums?
05:10Oh, yeah.
05:11Em's and Naomi are real good friends, you know.
05:13I'm lovely.
05:14Really good.
05:15Yeah.
05:16And now they like me as well.
05:19Hang on.
05:20Aren't you Katie?
05:21That's the amazing thing.
05:23Katie!
05:23They're twins.
05:25C'est incroyable, baby.
05:27Sorry?
05:28It's French.
05:29Thomas taught me.
05:30He's such a blinking dream and...
05:34Bugger.
05:34Thomas?
05:36Who's Thomas?
05:38Oh, you know...
05:42And Dora, I do hope you haven't been defying me on the subject of boys.
05:48He's my boyfriend, actually.
05:51He does, um, excellent French.
05:53Right.
05:55And Dora knows my opinion on boyfriends.
05:57They just want to get into my box.
05:58Yes.
05:59And I do hope all of you will respect that in this house,
06:01we do not allow unruly males at parties.
06:04I'm sure your parents would say the same thing.
06:07Um...
06:08Yeah.
06:09Boys.
06:11Disgusting.
06:12There you go.
06:13Katie and Emily.
06:15Completely identical.
06:16Are you interested in all the same things?
06:19Um...
06:20I'm not sure.
06:21Do you like Twister, though?
06:22Sorry?
06:23Twister!
06:23It's Brill!
06:25It's gonna be Twister-matic, baby!
06:27I'm afraid Pandora gets overstimulated.
06:29We do exercises nightly.
06:31Oh, I've left pyjamas out for you.
06:33They're pink.
06:34And clean.
06:34They're very, very clean.
06:40They're very sweet.
06:41That's not very cool.
06:42It's not on real.Ñ‚
07:06I'm wondering if you want a little bit naughty, Anthony.
07:10I am.
07:12Well, I bet you're naughty enough to try these brownies with me before anybody else.
07:17I'll try anything.
07:19OK, then. Let's dive in.
07:22I love brownies. I love them.
07:32Twister.
07:36Are you shitting me?
07:39Don't worry.
07:41I spiked the chocolate brownies with MDMA.
07:44You what?
07:45Yeah. Appreciate it, OK?
07:48There's fucking 40 quids worth in there.
07:53You think it's funny?
07:55It is, kind of.
07:56Yeah, into the spirit, Ems.
08:00So, Katie, you're going to be nice to me now with Twister Piles.
08:03Promise not to grab your minge and everything.
08:07OK, ha-ha. Hands off the muff and we're sorted.
08:11Gotcha.
08:12No buffing the beaver.
08:13No groping the growler.
08:15Don't tickle on my tinkle.
08:17OK, I won't fluff up your flange.
08:19You done?
08:20Yep.
08:21We're double done with the DNA dump.
08:23OK, guys.
08:25Hey, guys.
08:26What do you think? Mum made them special, look.
08:33Jesus.
08:33So you can have sexy poo.
08:36Or a brainy poo.
08:39Except for me, because I have panda poo.
08:43Mum and me, so to mum.
08:44It's a wacko job, I'm telling you.
08:46I'm not wearing that.
08:47Why not?
08:48It's a pyjama party.
08:50What the fuck?
08:52Give it here.
08:52Oh, wizard poo.
08:53Because look what goes with them.
08:56It's a mum wick.
09:10Are they getting undressed?
09:12They're not.
09:13Why would they get undressed?
09:17Can I just remind you that Pandora's party is specified as a girls-only event?
09:21Yep.
09:23Do you know what that means?
09:25Of course I do.
09:31OK, so I'm not 100% sure what it means.
09:35So, let me in line, yeah, double J.
09:38Pyjama party means only one thing.
09:41Girls getting friendly.
09:43Friendly?
09:44Oh, yeah.
09:45Real friendly.
09:48Hang on.
09:49Even I know that only happens in overblown and possibly illegal teen dramas.
09:53Mum says there's a lot less sex going on than I might imagine.
09:58You never experienced wish fulfilment, Jay?
10:01Never.
10:03They're all in that.
10:05Girls getting to know each other, experimenting, getting lubed up and gagging for forbidden fruit,
10:10and we're going to give it to them.
10:12Yeah, Freddie was here.
10:14Do you see Freddie?
10:15Did we invite Freddie?
10:17No.
10:18And why didn't we invite him?
10:19Because he's a fun sponge.
10:20You got it.
10:23You see?
10:24It's the sign.
10:28Yes?
10:30Hello?
10:31I'll call the police.
10:39Hook?
10:43Hook?
10:45Hook?
10:45Hook?
10:45Hook?
10:46Hook?
10:50Hook?
10:50Hook?
10:51Hook?
10:51Hook?
10:53Hook?
10:53Hook?
10:54Hook?
10:55Hook?
10:56Hook?
10:58Hook?
10:58Hook?
10:59Hook?
10:59Hook?
10:59Hook?
11:00Hook?
11:00Hook?
11:01Hook?
11:02A little more light, a little more faith
11:08It's just one of my shining hours
11:11When I can see my life ahead
11:18See my life ahead
11:22It's just one of those brighter days
11:25Those heavy skies are out of sight today
11:31It's a moment when I'm okay
11:34Catch it before it goes away
11:39Oh, come on
11:41This is a fantasy and I have to tell you a poorly constructed one
11:44Just because I have a natural facility on a climbing wall
11:47Get in there
11:47Come on, we need to see them doing it
11:49For the last time, they are not going to be doing it
11:52They will not be naked and they will not be engaged in mutual masturbation
11:55Check
11:55What?
11:56I'm requesting a check
11:57Is that too much to ask of a friend?
12:02It's a day when I'm not so sad
12:07What the fuck?
12:08Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God
12:09What, what, what?
12:10They're naked
12:11Hey, police say naked
12:12Nearly naked
12:13That's what you mean for me
12:14Come, come, come
12:16Come, come, come
12:17Come, come, come
12:23What the fuck?
12:24It's a bit better like that
12:25It's a day when I'm feeling fine
12:27Come on in, pyjamas
12:28I can lift my feet and that's a good sign
12:32Not really, you've got that on backwards
12:35No, it doesn't
12:36Maybe a new life has begun
12:41I can't hang on
12:42I can't hang on
12:43We're going to sleep, we're going to sleep
12:44We're going to sleep, we're going to sleep
12:45We're going to sleep, we're going to sleep
12:49What was that?
12:51Nothing
12:52Tummy
12:53Too much cake
12:56Hey, Mum, look
12:57We're pretty and pink
12:59Oh, that's wonderful, girls
13:02I must compliment myself, though
13:04My brownies are usually delicious
13:07I've really excelled myself
13:09This is my third already
13:10Wrong
13:11I'm going to have three
13:12Thanks, Mum
13:14Yeah, sure
13:16Wow
13:18Listen to that
13:22Can you hear the music?
13:24Oh, yeah
13:31Mom?
13:33It's beautiful
13:34Oh, it sounds
13:37What's she doing?
13:38Oh, wow
13:39Yeah, I'm going here
13:42I'm telling you
13:43That is fucking good shit
13:46What have you done?
13:48Eat a cake, panda
13:49It's going to be a long night
13:51And if I leave it, it's still on by me
14:00If I can't be my lord
14:07It's my life
14:21I can't see the new fate
14:25When I saw you there
14:28Dancing on it
14:29I could not wait
14:33Dancing on it
14:36I can't just touch
14:44I'm telling you man
14:45We've got to fucking get in there
14:47No
14:47No
14:48Freddy says
14:49Every time you ask me to do something
14:50Just say no
14:51He said that?
14:52Yeah, it's a song from Grange Hill
14:54Which gives useful lifestyle advice
14:55But more than that
14:56It's a state of mind
14:58Maybe me and Fred's are going to have words
14:59But somehow
15:00Love you or leave you gay J
15:01I'm going to this party
15:02You come in
15:05No
15:07Just saying no
15:09Suit yourself, gay J
15:11Oh, balls
15:17Fred, you've got to get down here
15:18We've gone to nine
15:21Affirmative
15:21It's a niner
15:23Code red
15:24He's going in
15:36Resorts
15:40Oh
15:42Oh, girl
15:43Don't bring it
15:44Don't bring it
15:47Oh, shit
15:51That was sick
15:53I'm so much
15:56I'm going to dance
16:03Is he breathing?
16:08Yep
16:08Safe
16:16Oh, mine
16:24Panda, come on
16:26Let me in
16:26It was a joke
16:28It wasn't even me
16:31You always bog everything up
16:32It's always you
16:34You do everything you like
16:35Just because you're depressed
16:36Because your mum's getting whacked
16:38At the pants
16:38Well, bog it
16:39Bog off
16:40This is my party
16:41And I'm upset
16:42Because my boyfriend
16:43Got deported
16:44And you're supposed to be
16:46Playing and eating jelly
16:47And playing a twister
16:48At my party
16:49And telling me
16:50How to pop my cherry
16:51With my boyfriend
16:53For God's sakes
16:53I'll show you
16:54How to do a blowjob
16:54I don't want a blowjob
16:56I want my boyfriend back
17:02Panda
17:03I was just
17:06Panda
17:09She's upset
17:10Do I ever get to be upset?
17:13Do I ever get to be anyone but me?
17:16Hey, fuck off
17:17Wait
17:17Evie
17:19Panda
17:22What did I say?
17:31Hey, Katie?
17:33Katie?
17:35Where are you, girl?
17:37Fuck it up, girl
17:41Hey
17:43What's going on, kidder?
17:45The lads
17:46Hey
17:49Shit
17:49Pajorba party
17:51Check it out, lads
17:53Nice one
17:54Nice one
17:54No, no
17:55You're not meant to be here, remember?
17:56Come on, girl
17:57Have a heart
17:57You lost 7-0 again, innit?
17:59You know the lads
18:00Tomo
18:01Hey
18:01Marco
18:02How's it doing, man?
18:03Jono
18:04Hey
18:04Sambo
18:05Kino
18:07Stano
18:07Oh, yes, it's a G
18:09Pino
18:11Nice
18:11Scrabble
18:12Oi
18:13Lico
18:14Fuckies
18:30Sorry
18:42Hello
18:45The fucking door's locked itself, ain't it?
18:59Hey.
19:01Hey.
19:02Should've pulled.
19:03Yeah, well I will now, ain't I?
19:07Is this a couple for minus sex?
19:10You don't give a fuck about anything, do you?
19:12Nope.
19:14No.
19:32Go away.
19:35Go away.
19:39Please.
19:42Call the boyfriend.
19:48You. Yes, you.
19:54I've called the police, you know.
19:56I'll be giving Angela a full report when she gets back.
19:58Right.
19:59It's nearly nine o'clock.
20:01Disgusting.
20:02Absolutely shocking what you kids get up to.
20:12Shocking.
20:12Do you have to play together, baby?
20:14Oh, my God!
20:21Oh, that's so hard!
20:22Oh, that's so hard!
20:23Nice music!
20:24Oh, you are so sweet!
20:25Oh, you're standing right there, Dan?
20:28That's the song that I'm singing.
20:40Oh, here's my song that I'm singing.
20:42Oh, here's your song that I'm singing.
20:42No, no.
20:48JJ.
20:49JJ.
20:49JJ!
20:50JJ!
20:51JJ!
20:51Oh my god.
20:52Go!
20:53Go!
20:53Go!
20:54It's clocked till 12.
20:56Easy.
20:57It's alright.
20:59It's alright.
21:00Come on.
21:01We're gonna leave.
21:03Yeah?
21:03Alright?
21:04Alright?
21:05Yeah.
21:10It's just...
21:12I didn't want to leave without him, you know.
21:16It's an international incident, friends.
21:17I thought he was going to...
21:18I didn't want to leave without him.
21:20Fuck him, JJ.
21:22Freddy!
21:25You came.
21:27Cool.
21:30JJ gets locked on.
21:32You have to look after him.
21:34I thought Cook.
21:35Cook's his friend.
21:37I think Cook's your friend.
21:39Isn't he?
21:41Not necessarily.
21:47Hey, I'll never guess what Pandora's mine.
21:49We're going home, F.
21:51Where's Pandora?
21:56Come on.
22:01I didn't mean to fuck everything up.
22:04My parents are splitting up.
22:06I'm sorry.
22:10I got trashed.
22:15I'm sorry about that.
22:18It's shit.
22:18I'm sorry.
22:20I'm sorry.
22:35I'm sorry.
22:43I'm sorry.
22:51There's one thing I wouldn't do
22:58It's a line that lies between wrong and right
23:06Though it won't change what you'll go through
23:14I wouldn't break your heart on a Saturday night
23:22You're as close to love as I've found
23:29When you need someone you just hold on tight
23:37But as it stands a candy bell
23:41Hi
23:45We're the last one standing, no-one's got any stamina these days
23:49Right, where's her?
24:01I wanted to play Twister and then the girls were going to tell me how to do sex
24:06Bummer
24:09How do you do it anyway?
24:10Well, you know, you've done loads of sex
24:14No, Twister
24:17Oh, well you spin the dial and then you put your hands and feet where it tells you
24:21Hands left
24:23Right
24:24Now me
24:25Okay
24:26Oh
24:28That
24:30And that
24:33That
24:35That
24:37That
24:37That
24:38That
24:38That
24:38That
24:38That
24:40That
24:41That
24:41That
24:41That
24:41That
24:45Yes Cookie?
24:47Do you want me to show you?
24:51What?
24:53You know
25:00Oh
25:23I stay silent for two years, for two years
25:31I never dare to come alive with all my fears
25:39You really are beautiful
25:41Now I see it all too clear
25:45I'm too clear
25:47I see it all too clear
25:50I see it all too clear
25:53One more time
26:28Why
26:31Why
26:34Why
26:35Why
26:37Why
26:39Why
26:40Why
26:42Why
26:44Why
26:45Why
26:46Why
26:48Why
26:48Why
27:08any good i don't know what you mean i mean he's a sensational fuck yeah there's a one more lot
27:16of
27:16things you don't know about me f just because i'm useless don't mean i'm nothing we're friends
27:21because you don't surf and turf my men you said that he's not yours f he'll never belong to anyone
27:26shut up that's why you don't really want him shut up he's not the one you want shut up you
27:31see i know
27:31that because i'm your friend but you don't make enough effort f i'm just there to laugh at you
27:37you don't know me my life my family my mum why don't you know anything about my mum i know
27:47everything about yours
27:53you're right i don't know anything about your mum
27:57i'm sorry okay yeah
28:09oh jesus what
28:12careful you wish for pandora
28:27what
28:30it's me are you not glad to see me mother said i've come back
28:39what's wrong no be a tart Thomas give your girlfriend a hug
28:47yes
28:54i miss you
29:03it's okay everything is okay everything is a walk
29:08you
29:09you
29:11you
29:17you
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