- 1 day ago
First broadcast 24th November 2017.
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Ross Noble
Nish Kumar
Sally Phillips
Sam Robson-Rodriguez (as Cpl. Sam Robson-Rodriguez)
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Ross Noble
Nish Kumar
Sally Phillips
Sam Robson-Rodriguez (as Cpl. Sam Robson-Rodriguez)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Good evening, and welcome to QI, where tonight we'll be suffering all things odorous and odious.
00:07And joining me on our olfactory odyssey are the fragrant Nishkumar.
00:17The aromatic Sally Phillips.
00:25The musky Ross Noble.
00:33And, the unmistakable essence of Alan Davis.
00:44And their buzzers are particularly odorous.
00:47Sally goes.
00:49You've got to stop and smell the roses.
00:54Oh, I love that.
00:56Nish goes.
00:58Oh, I think I smell around.
01:02Oh, I think I smell around.
01:05Oh, more of that.
01:07Ross goes.
01:08Harkin's started, baby.
01:12Can you smell it, too?
01:17It takes half price, and Alan goes...
01:30Now, even on a show as high-brow as this, that is still funny.
01:36The whole show is about smell.
01:37OK, so I've got these scratch-and-sniff stickers
01:40that they often give out in schools for good work.
01:43So I've got strawberry, lemon meringue and grape.
01:46And if you do good work and are particularly clever,
01:49you could have a scratch-and-sniff sticker.
01:51Ooh!
01:52So which would you want to go for, strawberry, lemon or grape?
01:54I've got a cold, I can't smell anything at the moment,
01:56so really, I'm easy.
01:57But you're lucky, cos you're next to Ross at the best.
02:01How dare you, these pants were fresh on us week.
02:05I don't think, Sally, can I just say,
02:07no woman should ever say, I can't smell anything, I'm easy.
02:09I don't think...
02:11If a man's dream is a woman with no sense of smell.
02:15OK, let's start with some smells.
02:17What scent should you wear to attract a cougar?
02:21Ooh!
02:22Is it John Cougar Melon Camp?
02:25Yeah.
02:26If you're camping, and you're eating some melon,
02:29and a cougar appears, you hear the music of the 80s.
02:34I've really missed you, Ross.
02:38There's a double meaning at work for me.
02:40Oh, you know me well.
02:42You see?
02:42Yes.
02:43The vampy old lady.
02:46Oh, sure.
02:46Cougar, hi.
02:49Excellent example.
02:50Are you calling Sally old?
02:53I'm fine with that.
02:54Or...
02:55Easy, no sense of smell.
02:57It's a hell of a Tinder profile.
03:00Are you swiping left or right at the moment?
03:03100% left.
03:05I don't even know what I just asked you.
03:09Well, 2003, the Wildlife Conservation Society tested a variety of scents
03:14to see which ones big cats find attractive.
03:17Wow!
03:18Now, why would they do this?
03:20Was it too busy in the perfume department of boots?
03:23Yeah.
03:24Because the thing about those women, you know, the make-up...
03:26Yeah, they're terrifying.
03:27They've got those faces.
03:28I know.
03:28And a wild cat can rip at the face and have no effect.
03:33That's how deep the make-up is.
03:35No, what it is, you want to lure the big cats in towards camera traps for filming.
03:41So they discovered that, as a clear winner, Calvin Klein's obsession kept big cats interested
03:46for 11 minutes.
03:48Wow.
03:48Yeah.
03:49By comparison, Nina Richie's L'Air du Temps, 10 minutes.
03:53The effect of Revlon's Charlie, 15 and a half seconds.
03:58And some mild blistering.
04:00Yeah.
04:01I thought they attracted wild cats with piss.
04:08Of other wild cats.
04:09What?
04:10That's a hell of a night owl.
04:14How did you come to think this?
04:16I thought that they made ointments of the urine of other...
04:23of males.
04:25Yeah, they did, but it's called Lynx.
04:36Anyway, here's the thing.
04:37So the smell matters with wild animals.
04:39In 2003, the Manitoba government, they had a terrible issue with polar bears.
04:43And the issue was, they were orphaned polar bears, but the adult females did not want to adopt them
04:49because they could smell them and tell it wasn't their baby.
04:51So they put them both to sleep, and then they rubbed the baby all over with Vicks Vapor Rub.
04:58And then they put Vicks Vapor Rub on the muzzle of the female.
05:01And when she woke up, she sniffed the cub that was next to her.
05:04She thought it was her baby, and she adopted it.
05:06And that was the...
05:07I know!
05:08And neither of them got a cold.
05:09So you're...
05:12When you said they put them to sleep...
05:17So there's a scientist, injects this thing, there's a dead polar bear.
05:22And then he just tied it to the leg of the mum, and she just...
05:28I think we need to do more research on this, lads.
05:31Tying polar bears to each other.
05:32Vicks Vather is not adopting this cub.
05:34Kill them both.
05:38Next.
05:39What about the Vicks Vapor Rub?
05:41Don't be absurd.
05:44Right, so we're going to play a game now.
05:45Time to play on the scent.
05:47Ooh.
05:50OK, I've got some descriptions of perfumes, and I want you to guess which celebrity they
05:55come from, OK?
05:56So...
05:57Focused on the topic of decisiveness and persistence, its composition is based on sophisticated shades
06:02of spices, which are blended with citruses over a masculine, elegant heart, and a woody,
06:07leathery base.
06:11Is it David Beckham?
06:12It is!
06:13Oh!
06:15Oh!
06:18Oh!
06:21Wait a minute!
06:22It was the word, leathery.
06:23Yeah!
06:24Great lemon or strawberry?
06:26I'll have grape, please.
06:27There you go.
06:28That was amazing.
06:28That's amazing the way you did it.
06:30Do you smell that, and you go,
06:31Ssss, Ssss, Beckham's coming.
06:32Have you smelled it?
06:33You have to smell it.
06:34There's no point just putting it on you.
06:35I can't smell anything, I've told you.
06:37Oh, scratch it.
06:38I never thought I'd say this to a woman.
06:39Scratch it and sniff.
06:41Roscoe sniff it.
06:44Sorry, do you just want to carry on while we're doing it?
06:48He can't smell it for me either.
06:50I have a terrible, terrible smell.
06:52Look at me.
06:54Terrible sense of smell.
06:55That's why you're at the end.
06:59It's called Beyond Forever.
07:01I love it.
07:02By David Beckham.
07:03Okay, here's the next one.
07:04Ready?
07:05The perfect accessory for the confident man determined to make his mark with passion, perseverance and drive.
07:10For those who aspire to create their own empire through personal achievement, this dynamic scent is both compelling and leaves
07:17a lasting impression.
07:18Bold notes.
07:21Is it Rory Bremner?
07:25Rory could probably do this person, I would imagine.
07:28Donald Trump.
07:29Yes!
07:30Yes!
07:37I'm actually, I'm very, very pleased to actually have a Trump show.
07:44And it's called Empire by Donald Trump.
07:47You wanted lemon meringue, didn't you?
07:49Lemon meringue, yeah.
07:50With sunglasses or without?
07:52There you go.
07:53I gave you sunglasses.
07:54Thank you so much.
07:54I'm going to scratch quite hard.
07:56Right.
07:58Are you getting lemon meringue?
08:05Quite a lot on my finger.
08:07Oh, hang on, that's not lemon.
08:12You're doing your own jokes here.
08:15Right, last one.
08:17Ready?
08:19Base notes are leather, peat fire, Highland mud, burned rubber and white truffle.
08:24Smell.
08:25Yes, Snish.
08:26Is it Ross?
08:30You do call me the Highland Truffle?
08:33Because of that dance I invented.
08:36Dressed as a pig and in a kilt.
08:39Have you not got your own perfume in the...
08:40I've released many cents.
08:44But not one that people would pay for.
08:47I quite like the idea of a perfume called Noble Gas.
08:50Yes, I think that is.
08:51Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:59Although I have to say that I think a lady's perfume that had a two-stroke mix,
09:07that would just get me...
09:09Oh, that does smell nice, doesn't it?
09:10Isn't it?
09:10That's just that two-stroke mix, oil and petrol.
09:14The stuff you put in lawn mowers.
09:15It just...
09:16I did once see Ann Summers were releasing lager-flavoured booby drops.
09:20Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:23You know, make women smell like things that men like, like petrol and...
09:27Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no.
09:28And lager.
09:29I don't want just petrol.
09:31It's a...
09:33Because if she dabs a bit of two-stroke on, I think, oh, it's beautiful.
09:36Do you want notes of two-stroke?
09:39I'm going to carry on with this one.
09:41Heart notes are sharp and tempting with cigar, heather, fur and rubber.
09:46Top notes complete the fragrance with fresh, spiced notes of bergamot, black pepper, pine and whiskey.
09:53David Dickinson?
09:57I would have to say creosote if it was David Dickinson.
10:00It's a boy.
10:01Is it George Clooney?
10:02No, it's...
10:03It's the best name for a perfume ever, I think.
10:06It is Cumming by Alan Cumming.
10:09LAUGHTER
10:14Right.
10:16Now, what will the apocalypse smell like?
10:20Mmm.
10:22Oh, well, there's four horses, so there's a start.
10:24Yeah.
10:26Massive barbecue?
10:28A barbecued horse.
10:30Kind of.
10:31Awful.
10:31What other sort of smells might you find?
10:33Well, there's pestilence, isn't there?
10:34That's got to be a bit...
10:35Pestilence is very bad, isn't it?
10:36That's going to be odorous.
10:37That's awful.
10:38Yeah.
10:38I can't imagine plague's going to be a barrel of laughs as well.
10:40No, that's whiffy.
10:42LAUGHTER
10:43Well, the curious thing, there is a perfume specifically designed to smell like the apocalypse.
10:49What?
10:49And I have it here.
10:51Two artists, Joe Thompson and Alison Craighead, they went through the Book of Revelation in the 1611 King James Bible,
10:57and they put together everything that has a recognisable smell.
11:02So it's blood, rocks of the mountains, incense, wormwood, rod of iron, creatures of the sea, hail and fire, animal
11:11warmth...
11:17Fizzlish?
11:17Oh!
11:18Fizzling?
11:19Oh!
11:20It smells like racism!
11:25That's a good name for a perfume.
11:28Racism.
11:28What is it?
11:30LAUGHTER
11:31So they passed this list to an Edinburgh-based perfume maker, Ewan McCall, and he turned it into a scent.
11:37A reporter for The Guardian newspaper had a sniff and described it as digestive.
11:43What do you think it smells like?
11:44Well, it smells.
11:46It smells of the apocalypse.
11:48It tastes...
11:49Oh!
11:50Really, it tastes of Romford.
11:56I think it smells of glow by Jennifer Lopez.
12:01How do you have such an encyclopaedic knowledge of all celebrities' fragrances?
12:05Very impressive.
12:07Is it unpleasant?
12:08I haven't touched the smell.
12:08I can't smell anything.
12:10It gets right to the back of your brain!
12:14According to Anna Williams, who's the Associate Professor in Forensic Anthropology at the University of Huddersfield,
12:18the smell of death is very, very complicated.
12:22There's about 480 individual odours, and apparently death, to begin with, are rather pleasant.
12:27It smells sort of freshly mown grass, that sort of thing.
12:29Leaf litter.
12:30A few days later, smells of paint thinner.
12:32It's not quite so bad.
12:34Once decomposition sets in, we're getting towards rotting cabbage.
12:38Then old fish, vomit, and eventually sweet, burning rubber.
12:43So that's just taking you through the whole smell there of the thing.
12:46That's like me after a big night out.
12:50I went for a walk once with Caroline Quentin, and we found a dead horse.
12:57And it was in a sort of a pit, and it was...
13:00Actually, I think it was a donkey.
13:03And I don't know...
13:04And their stench was unbelievable.
13:07It is.
13:07It's very high, isn't it?
13:08Is this a real thing, or is this an episode of Jonathan Crane?
13:13You're now starting to think that scenes are real.
13:16And then, like, we're in this windmill, right?
13:20I don't know.
13:21The thing was, obviously, we were filming Jonathan Crane, and then we were having a break between scenes, and we
13:25stumbled upon our own mystery.
13:27Yeah!
13:27I think that was probably a real-life game of buckaroo gone wrong.
13:33I love buckaroo!
13:35Not with a real donkey, you know?
13:41No.
13:41And then it snaps the spine, RSPCR cord, you have to drag it into a pit.
13:46It's a nightmare.
13:46And then just as you're covering it up, bloody film crew saw it.
13:52This looks like real-life buckaroo.
13:55I can't even do an impression of myself.
13:59As bad as all my other impressions.
14:01I can't even do it myself!
14:05There are dead things that smell nice.
14:08Dead saints apparently smell beautiful.
14:09The odour of sanctity, which is known as osmogenesia.
14:14Apparently, saints smell of lilies.
14:16It's one of the ways you know they're saints.
14:17Padre Pio, who was a famous Italian priest and became a saint.
14:21Oh!
14:21Who looks exactly the same as Obi-Wan Kenobi.
14:24He does look just like anyone you know me.
14:26Here's a tip for you, right?
14:27If you're ever at a holy shrine, and there's a Padre Pio there, he's got the white hair, he's got
14:32the white beard, he's got the long brown robes, and he stands like this.
14:36These are not the droids you're looking for.
14:40Save a fortune half the price of a Star Wars figure, a Toys R Us, give it to your kids,
14:45save at Christmas.
14:47You're welcome.
14:47And smells of lilies.
14:49Yeah.
14:49Anyway, there you are.
14:50Now, who won the battle of the smellies?
14:55I know something where you have to try and make yourself smelly.
14:57Turkish wrestling.
14:59Oh yes, is that the point of it?
15:00They make themselves smelly to be appalling to their opponent.
15:03So they don't wash for days, and they...
15:05Maybe it isn't Turkish wrestling.
15:08Are you thinking...
15:10You're thinking of facing, mate?
15:13Are you thinking of Turkish delight?
15:17Is it big on sky sports?
15:20No.
15:21Okay, so we're going to go to the 1950s.
15:23What happened in entertainment in the 1950s?
15:25Television.
15:26Television.
15:27So it's smell-o-vision.
15:28The cinemas were worried because television was becoming so huge, and they thought they needed a gimmick,
15:32and so they began to pipe smells into films.
15:36And there were two different systems.
15:37There was smell-o-vision, and there was aromarama.
15:41And they both released films within a couple of weeks of each other, and it became known as the battle
15:45of the smellies.
15:46And neither one of them was hugely successful.
15:48So smell-o-vision was delivered by a device which was called the smell-brain.
15:52It was kept under the viewer's seat.
15:54But the technology was, let's call it, imperfect.
15:56So some aromas were delivered with a bit of a delay, so they didn't match the images.
16:01Like that.
16:02Other smells made people nauseous, and the delivery mechanism apparently hissed really loudly.
16:06So that interfered with people's enjoyment in the film.
16:09And then there was aromarama, and that used the cinema's air-conditioning system to deliver the smells from above.
16:14Also very unpopular.
16:15There's a review in the New York Times in 1959 that said that when this viewer emerged from the theatre,
16:20he happily filled his lungs with that lovely fume-laden New York ozone.
16:25It never has smelled so.
16:28And the American singer-songwriter Melanie, she released an album in 1972 called Garden in the City.
16:34And it's got, you can see down here, a scratch-and-sniff label on the cover.
16:39And the instructions said, rub gently to release the magic of Melanie's garden, you could say.
16:48I think we'll move on.
16:51Like all wars, the battle of the smellies resulted in no winners and only losers.
16:58Why is the second smelliest man in the world so frustrated?
17:04Is he frustrated because everyone's like, boy, you must be the smelliest person in the world.
17:07And he's like, yeah, you'd think.
17:09You'd think.
17:10Do I have a certificate? No.
17:15Is it Boris Johnson?
17:17It's a cattle herder from India called Kailash Singh.
17:20Oh.
17:21He stopped washing in 1974 because a priest told him that he would have a son if he didn't bathe
17:27or cut his hair.
17:28So it's 40 years later, he hasn't had a single bath or a shower.
17:31He's got six-foot-long dreadlocks.
17:33He's father to seven daughters.
17:36And no, can you believe he's had sex at all?
17:39Is it breathtaking?
17:43There's the lovely place of Varanasi on the banks of the Ganges there where he lives.
17:47His family did once try and force him to bathe in the river, but he fought them off and said
17:51he would rather die.
17:53Should have killed him?
17:55Yeah.
17:57But he now says he's going to wash in the next life.
17:59Oh.
17:59That's his plan.
18:01But he is only the second smelliest man in the world.
18:03The person currently believed to be the most unwashed man in the world is Amu Haji.
18:07We don't have a picture of him.
18:08I think it would be too much for the cameraman to do.
18:11The photographer can get near enough.
18:15Here's a zoo!
18:17It's James!
18:18The lens is foggy!
18:20Run!
18:21Run!
18:23He hasn't watched for over 60 years.
18:25He lives, not surprisingly, in a remote village.
18:28He'd have to do, he'd have to be like the cheaters.
18:30He'd have to set up a camera and then try and...
18:35Where's his village?
18:36He lives in southern Iran and he lives on roadkill.
18:39He gets more and more attractive as you go through.
18:41He particularly likes porcupine and he smokes animal dung in his pipe.
18:46And if he needs a haircut, he burns his hair off with fire.
18:51Hey, stop looking at me!
18:55We've been talking a lot about smell.
18:56How do you measure the unpleasantness of a smell?
18:59How might you decide?
19:00I mean, I don't know, but I once did a fart that was so bad,
19:04I didn't own up to it and my dad went and got the yellow pages out
19:08and he was looking for the number of a plumber
19:11because he thought a sewage pipe would be...
19:18Did you not have a Labrador you could blame?
19:21Dogs farts are bad.
19:23Dogs, they're very bad.
19:23My dog used to get up.
19:24The only time she ever left the room was if she'd farted.
19:29She'd be lying there by the sofa asleep
19:31and I'd be watching Morse or something.
19:34And then she'd just get up and go in the hall
19:36and then immediately I'd have to pause Morse and get up and...
19:41We were both enough to stand in the hall
19:45for a period of time until it would clear.
19:49Standing the two of us in the flat.
19:53Anyway, here's the thing.
19:54There's a Danish engineer called Professor Paul Funger
19:57and he wants to create a new unit of measurement called an olf, OK?
20:00So one olf would be the emission of air pollutants given off by a standard person
20:05and the idea is that any unpleasant smell could then be expressed
20:09by the number of people it would take to cause that level of unpleasantness.
20:12So you have an average person who is an olf
20:14and then say that you'll fart, you know, wow, that's like 150 olfs.
20:19Oh, yeah. That's a lot of olfs.
20:21That's a lot of olfs.
20:22My wife, her horses, our bedroom has got a window
20:27and the horses are out there and they fart so loudly
20:29that sometimes I have to turn the telly up.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:36On a summer's evening, just lying in bed there,
20:38putting the telly on, you just go...
20:40LAUGHTER
20:41What, they're eating? Or was it...
20:43They have to or they die.
20:45LAUGHTER
20:46But are they particularly gassy horses?
20:49Oh, God, yeah, horses.
20:50Oh.
20:50That's shocking.
20:51I don't know how the Queen stands it in that carriage.
20:54LAUGHTER
20:56Unbelievable.
20:58That's crazy.
20:59That's quite a car.
21:01Yeah.
21:01That's why the hat's always at a jokey hand.
21:04LAUGHTER
21:07Anyway, moving on.
21:08What do the UK's stinkpipes do?
21:12It sounds like a barbershop quartet.
21:15LAUGHTER
21:15It's a great title for a band, yeah.
21:19And now the stinkpipes.
21:20It's an actual thing.
21:21Indeed, you may have passed one on the way to the studio.
21:23I think the nearest one to this studio is at Southwark Bridge.
21:27So they're letting out odours from the sewers?
21:30Absolutely right.
21:31Yes, you can have another sticker.
21:32You can have another sticker.
21:33APPLAUSE
21:34Well done.
21:36Hello.
21:38Clap for one.
21:40Yes, you're absolutely right.
21:41They're sort of tall, hollow, cast-iron pipes.
21:43They stand quite often six to eight metres tall
21:46and their purpose is to ventilate the potentially...
21:48Is it smelling?
21:49How cheap is that?
21:49Oh, yes, that one has.
21:51Yes, that smells, doesn't it?
21:52Yeah.
21:53Yep.
21:53That's a very strong smell.
21:55Do they still work?
21:56Yes, they still absolutely work
21:57and they fall the roots of the main sewers.
21:59Lots of them are still in operation.
22:01How cheap is that flat?
22:05Yeah, that's not nice, is it?
22:07You do have to update sewers because sewer explosions are not uncommon
22:11if they're not properly looked after and the gas isn't released and so on.
22:14So the river fleet at King's Cross exploded in 1846.
22:17It destroyed a Clerkenwell poorhouse and it smashed a Thames steamboat against Blackfriars Bridge.
22:21Could we do anything with it yet?
22:23Some scientists managed to, you know, like...
22:26With the sewage?
22:26...create power or something.
22:28Well, the gas...
22:29They used to burn the gas off sometimes at the top of the stink pipes.
22:32In fact, in Sheffield you can still see that.
22:33You can see some of the gas being burnt off.
22:34But whether they could actually power things with sewage, that would be fantastic.
22:38I mean, they can use the...
22:39It's normally animal faeces, but very, very popular for making houses.
22:45Whatland daub.
22:45Yeah, that's right.
22:46Yeah, it's fantastic stuff.
22:47And in the pioneer days in the United States, when they were heading west across Nevada and places like that,
22:52there was no... nothing to burn.
22:54They used to burn buffalo dung.
22:56So it used to be known as buffalo chips.
22:58So there are uses and perhaps we're just not being sensible about...
23:00Well, all I'm saying is, is that we've got all this sewage that isn't being used.
23:04We've got a housing crisis.
23:08New facts.
23:11Don't you think they're rather beautiful?
23:13And this is the thing I love about the Victorians.
23:14They made things to be beautiful, even sort of rubbish things.
23:17So the interior of Crossness sewer pump station, which is in Belvedere in Kent.
23:23There it is.
23:23Look at that.
23:24Is known as the Cathedral on the Marsh for its ornate design.
23:28And just breathtakingly beautiful.
23:30Listen, while we're speaking of beauty combined with bowels...
23:33Who hasn't started a conversation like that on a hot day?
23:36I just want to show you something, which is one of my favourite buildings.
23:38And it is called the Runton.
23:40And it is a 17th century tower in Copenhagen.
23:43And it's breathtakingly beautiful inside.
23:45It's one of the world's first observatories.
23:47There's the inside.
23:48Isn't that stunning?
23:49And it was designed so that the king could ride his horse up so that he didn't have to walk
23:53up the stairs.
23:54But what is extraordinary about it, it has a toilet at the top, which consists of a seat and a
23:59shaft straight down to the bottom.
24:01And there was no way of emptying it.
24:02So it just spilled up.
24:04It's one of the world's largest and earliest septic tanks.
24:08I mean, today it's got a sort of glass plate over it so you can't smell anything.
24:10But it was point zero, used by the famous Danish astronomer Thomas Erbu, or Buggy, in the 1760s as the
24:16starting point for his calculations for the measuring of Denmark.
24:18So he started the whole of the measuring and mapping of Denmark from that toilet seat.
24:23I have a lot of my best ideas while I'm taking a number two.
24:25I can only imagine one day I'll be like, Denmark.
24:28Denmark.
24:29That's it.
24:30If you go, it's really beautiful.
24:32And at the very top is a kissing bench designed for couples.
24:36How close to the top is?
24:40Now, whose social media is little more than an odious pile of crap?
24:44Is that a trick question?
24:46Because isn't it everyone?
24:49No, it's the white rhino.
24:51They use their poo as a kind of social media.
24:54Look at that.
24:55Magnificent creature.
24:56So they did a study by the University of KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa.
25:01And they found that, because they have sort of communal latrines, they have places where they all get together and
25:04have a defecution.
25:06And there are chemical clues.
25:07And you can tell the age, the sex, the general health, the reproductive condition of the other rhinos.
25:12It gives away basically their profile, how they are feeling, their relationship, status.
25:16I don't think there are any videos of cats or anything like that.
25:19To prove that they're done, they can communicate with other rhinos.
25:22The Canadians used to have a political party actually called the Rhinoceros Party.
25:26And part of their policy proposal was to abolish the environment because it caused too much trouble.
25:33That's just annoying.
25:35They named the party after Caserero, a black rhino who was put up as a candidate in 1958 in São
25:42Paulo in the elections in Brazil and won.
25:46She got 100,000 votes before her election was nullified.
25:50And there are other animals.
25:51In 1954, a goat called Smelly was voted in as a city councillor in Brazil.
25:56And at the time of recording, there's a cat called Stubbs, who is still the mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska.
26:03There he's been mayor since 1997.
26:07Right, time for a little food.
26:09I want you to smell this oil and tell me what has been added to it.
26:15There you go.
26:15Is it truffle?
26:20I'm an idiot.
26:22That's the thing with being a worldwide international restaurant critic.
26:28When I get a taste of the truffle, I can't.
26:31Here's the thing.
26:32Almost all truffle oil on the market has never seen a truffle.
26:35It's a mixture of olive oil and chemicals, which gives it its truffle aroma.
26:40So what you do is you take methyl mecaptan, which is the main compound in bad breath and smelly feet,
26:46and you add it to some formaldehyde.
26:49I love the smell of truffle.
26:51The Epicureans said the scent smelled like the tussled sheets on a brothel bed.
26:55And medieval monks were not allowed to have truffles because it was believed that it would make them forget their
27:01calling.
27:02I don't know, these are unbelievably expensive.
27:05We have some actual truffles there.
27:14Is it nice?
27:16Is it nice like that?
27:18Totally wasted on me.
27:19Do you not like it, no?
27:20My idea of a really nice taste is a bourbon.
27:28We're not talking French royalty.
27:31No, we're talking you can get a packet of 100 in Tesco's for 40p.
27:36There's some surprising stuff in the world of food that you wouldn't know.
27:40So you wouldn't know mostly when you buy truffle oil that it has never been anywhere near a truffle.
27:44And also, can I recommend a book to you called Extra Virginity, The Sublime and Scandalous World of Olive Oil.
27:51It turns out that there's a huge amount of fraudulent mislabelling in the olive oil world.
27:58Apparently, over 50% of olive oil sold in Italy is adulterated and 75% to 80% in the
28:03United States is completely adulterated.
28:04Do you think you're getting that?
28:06They should have, on the extra virgin olive oil, they should have like in brackets,
28:10may contain slag.
28:13In brackets.
28:14It's...
28:16It's...
28:19It's...
28:21It's...
28:23It's definitely...
28:24It's possibly a double sticker on that one, I think.
28:26It's a double...
28:27I think that's right.
28:28Excellent.
28:29So the truffle oil that doesn't contain the truffles...
28:32Yeah.
28:32If I was to take a highly trained truffle pig...
28:35Yes.
28:36...would it sniff out the truffle oil?
28:38Even though it smells a bit...
28:40It smells like a truffle, but it doesn't have truffle in.
28:43Could you check?
28:44Yes.
28:46The...
28:47The exact sensitivity of a truffle pig is not my specialist area.
28:50So...
28:51I mean...
28:51Sally, can I just thank you for coming on and being sensitive?
28:55I mean, what?
28:57I...
28:57I dressed up as a wolf, right?
28:59Yeah.
28:59He's already built his house out of a straw.
29:00Idiot.
29:02So...
29:06So they're not...
29:07Honestly, it feels like charity work, Sally.
29:10So what I'm saying is, if you dipped a non-truffle in the artificial truffle oil...
29:16...and then it would be sold as a truffle...
29:19...and nobody were onto a money-making scheme!
29:22Oh, yeah!
29:23There, I think!
29:24You dipped a real truffle in some fake truffle smell.
29:27That's what you just said.
29:28No, no, no.
29:29It's all about fooling pigs.
29:30Okay.
29:31So...
29:34You get something that looks like a truffle...
29:37Right, okay.
29:38Goat shit.
29:39Goat shit.
29:40Goat shit.
29:40If you...
29:41If you tune in, right?
29:43Yeah.
29:43And you see Gloria Hudderford on Rip-Off Britain and a picture of me and a pig...
29:49...and a picture of me and a pig...
29:49...and a little Bahamas.
29:50Oh, yeah.
29:51If I see a picture of you and a pig with Gloria Hudderford, I won't be the least bit surprised.
29:59Now, do you have the ability to sniff out crime?
30:05Friends, what kind of crime?
30:06He who smelt it, dealt it.
30:08That is legally binding.
30:11Today, I probably couldn't sniff out a crime because of the cold aforementioned.
30:15But, I mean, I guess you could smell certain types of crime?
30:18Well, they did some research in the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, a professor, Matt Olsen, and people can tell a
30:26criminal by smell as well as by sight.
30:28So they showed some video clips to people of crimes being committed and asked them to smell at the same
30:34time the body over of the person who was committing it.
30:37And when there was a line-up, just by the smell of the person, they were able to work out.
30:4270% of the time, which is exactly the same as a visual line-up, they were able to work
30:46out which person it was.
30:48If the shirt don't whiff, you must quit.
30:53That is the law.
30:55I cannot wait to see the Swedish version of Sherlock, because it's just him going, smell-o-mentary, my dear
31:01Watson.
31:02Come on!
31:04Yes!
31:10You're blown.
31:12Has he got any stickers?
31:14Have you got any stickers, Nish?
31:15He hasn't got any stickers.
31:16No, because I was going to ask for them back.
31:20If the five of us committed a crime and somebody was allowed to sniff our clothes immediately, then they would
31:26be able, by sniffing, to work out again which one of us it was.
31:29Is that where the term smell-o-rat comes from?
31:31I smell-o-rat.
31:33No.
31:33Okay.
31:34Fair enough.
31:36But there are places, so in Alaska, Florida, New York, they use scent line-ups.
31:41But to be fair, they use dogs, rather than human beings.
31:44Because the human can smell with, we have about five or six million odour-detecting cells.
31:49A dog, how many do you reckon?
31:5110 million.
31:53220 million.
31:55And actually, even rabbits have more than us, they have 100 million.
31:58Why do I understand that?
32:00Is that why they don't just continually wince and cry out of the stench that they encounter?
32:06They must be able to turn it on and off.
32:07It's a bit like owls.
32:09An owl, because it's got its concave face and can amplify sound, I think this was on QI, I learnt
32:14this.
32:17You can hear a vole's heartbeat underground.
32:20But how can it not be driven mad by constant noise?
32:23I mean, if a car backfires, it would blow its brains out.
32:27Well, what we're going to do now is we're going to test out how a dog does on sniffing things
32:32out.
32:32I have here some contraband, which I am going to give to you, Alan.
32:37OK.
32:37And what I would like you to do is put it in your pocket and go and hide in the
32:42audience.
32:43Go and hide in Croydon.
32:46So, the audience have got special masks to put on.
32:49So, if they could put those who've got masks, could put them on.
32:52Oh, my God.
32:52It's terrifying.
32:53It's completely terrifying.
32:54Oh, I'm so conceived.
32:56That's awful.
32:56Terrifying.
32:59Now, this is a very special episode of Jonathan Creek.
33:03I never thought I'd be involved in a live game of Where's Wally.
33:10OK.
33:11We now welcome, please, to the studio from the RAF Police, Corporal Sam Robson Rodriguez and Rex.
33:26Sam, thank you so much for coming in and supplying us with the dummy contraband.
33:30Tell me about Rex and what his job is.
33:33Well, Rex is a five-year-old black lad.
33:35His main job is to search for drugs anywhere we want to put in, basically.
33:39And how is he trained?
33:40How do you make him be able to do that?
33:42Well, we start searching for, like, their toys.
33:45And then we just associate the toys with the drugs.
33:47So, then, in their head, they think they're searching for their toy.
33:49Whereas, in fact, we want them to search for the drugs.
33:51And how many sense can Rex recognise, do you think?
33:53He's trained on all the main sense and basically anything that you can make out of that.
33:56So, he looks keen to get going.
33:57Either has.
33:58Right.
33:58Sam, please, over to you, my lovely.
34:00Thank you very much.
34:04Rex, where?
34:05I do hope nobody in the audience has got anything.
34:10You know what?
34:11I really hope somebody does.
34:13Yeah.
34:13That would be...
34:13Wouldn't that just be the best bit of telly ever?
34:16If you just...
34:17If you dragged someone to the floor and just...
34:19Just dragged them out.
34:20A live drug bust on QI.
34:24So far, ignoring everybody.
34:26So, that's good for that side.
34:28Look at him.
34:30How will he...
34:30How will he show if he knows?
34:33Er, they have over a stand indication or a sit indication.
34:36Oh.
34:37Is he sniffing your crotch, Alan?
34:41Is he in your left pocket?
34:42Oh, my God!
34:43Let's have a round of applause, please, for Rex Lenton.
34:52Sam and Rex, very good.
34:53Thank you very much.
35:00And thank you to all my Allens.
35:02What a very, very spooky sight that was.
35:04That was very, very spooky.
35:05Extremely unpleasant.
35:06Right.
35:06It's time for the stinking miasma that is general ignorance.
35:09Fingers on buzzers, please.
35:10In which country was the full bikini wax invented?
35:16Tully.
35:17I think I'm going to fall into a hole.
35:18I'm going to say Brazil.
35:19It's not right, is it?
35:20No!
35:23It's not Brazil.
35:24Freudian.
35:25It's not Freudian anymore, pretty anymore.
35:27Dalia, America.
35:28It is America.
35:29It is in the United States.
35:30So, there's a woman called Jonice Padilla of Jay's Sisters Salon in Manhattan.
35:35They pioneered the Brazilian bikini wax in the early 1990s and Playboy tried to patent it
35:41as an idea.
35:42And in order to stop them from doing that, she said, oh, no, no, you can't do that.
35:45It's tremendously popular throughout my entire home country and therefore it is unpatentable.
35:50And that is, you have to use proper wax there.
35:53Never just think you can use honey.
35:56Speak from experience then.
35:58Oh, it stings in so many different ways.
36:01The salon still exists in its opposite Trump Tower.
36:05So you can actually have a Brazilian and avoid being grabbed by the pussy at the same time.
36:10They came up with the process after other salons refused to wax that area, apparently.
36:15Oh, wow.
36:16Apparently, one of the world's most expensive car waxes is also Brazilian.
36:19It is called carnauba wax, made from a palm tree that only grows in northeast Brazil.
36:24Handy if you've got a hairy car.
36:25Yeah.
36:27You can get a French wax as well, but it only waxes a strip down the middle of the bar.
36:33Why should you be worried about how you store your toothbrush?
36:37Is it to do with things that crawl around at night and crawl about your brushes?
36:44Do you think there are things crawling about your bathroom?
36:46Yeah, if you put your toothbrush in the wrong place, it's more susceptible to interference from...
36:51I don't know.
36:52Are you...
36:53Are you...
36:53Are you...
36:54Are you worried about the Wombles?
36:58There is a common belief that if you keep your toothbrush in the same room as the toilet,
37:03it will get covered in fecal matter.
37:05So, here's the good news.
37:06Well, to be fair, that is true, but that's only after my wife and I had a bit of an
37:10argument.
37:12She told me two or three days later, that, so...
37:16It's true.
37:16The whole house has got fecal matter, but it has no effect on you whatsoever.
37:20It's fine.
37:21According to the American Dental Association, there's insufficient clinical evidence to support
37:25that bacterial growth on toothbrushes will lead to specific adverse oral or systemic health effects.
37:31It's good.
37:32It's good to know.
37:33Now I can use my toothbrush to just puff my downstairs.
37:38It's good to know you don't have to worry about creatures crawling around your toothbrush.
37:44Really, really small cougars at night.
37:49Can you name an animal well known for playing possum?
37:54Is this a trick question?
37:56I've been playing this game for 15 years now, and I smell a rat!
38:02A possum!
38:02A possum, a possum!
38:04Yay!
38:08It is...
38:09Feigning death, right?
38:10Is that what that is?
38:11It is, it's called thanatosis.
38:12But it isn't the possum that does it, it is the expression that we use.
38:15It is the o-possum.
38:17This is one of those great confusions...
38:19Irish possum.
38:20It is an o-possum!
38:21An o-possum!
38:23The o-possum is on the right there, the little white-faced one.
38:26And the possum is on the left.
38:28They're both marsupials.
38:29The possum actually lives in Australia.
38:31The o-possum lives in the United States.
38:34And apart from them both being marsupials, there's not really much that they have in common.
38:37The similarity between the name stems from Captain Cook's voyage to Australia,
38:42the naturalist Joseph Banks.
38:43He mistook the animals that he saw for American o-possums.
38:47We were in Australia when my daughter was very little.
38:50We used to go out...
38:51The only way she'd go to sleep at night is if we could go out in the street and find
38:53a possum.
38:54And then she could rest.
38:55They used to walk along the telephone wires.
38:58That was the best place to find them.
38:59We had possums that lived on our roof.
39:01And they used to sigh.
39:04So you'd be watching the telly, and you'd hear in the roof, you'd hear...
39:08And then...
39:11It took quite a lot.
39:12And you'd be sort of like...
39:13They were off again, and they'd be...
39:15It was one day I was in the house by myself.
39:17Well, this was the thing.
39:18I was watching documentaries.
39:19And there was a...
39:22Did they want you to change channels?
39:24Yeah, but I put it onto the music channel.
39:26Yeah?
39:26Not a peep out of them.
39:29There are...
39:30There are lots of animals that react to a threat.
39:32So the turkey vulture, they regurgitate their last meal.
39:36Usually rotting carrion.
39:37Always attractive.
39:38Fruit.
39:39The king ratsnake, also known as the stinking goddess,
39:42it empties its anal glands when it's attacked.
39:45The stinking goddess.
39:47Yeah.
39:47That's a hell of a takeaway.
39:49OK.
39:50I'm going for it.
39:51I'm going to do it.
39:52I'll have a stinking goddess.
39:54Bring it on.
39:56You only have one stag night, right?
39:57Yeah.
40:03A honey badger, who's got a bit of the Donald Trump look,
40:05I think, about it,
40:07can turn its anal pouch inside out.
40:10Yes.
40:12Well, it's a message for anything.
40:13Apparently it puts off predators,
40:15but it has a calming effect on bees.
40:18I mean, that's a good thing.
40:19Honey forms a major part of their diet,
40:21but the bees go,
40:22oh, look, an anal pouch turned inside out.
40:26According to the Guinness Book of Animal Records,
40:29the smelliest animal on earth is the Zorilla,
40:31or striped pullback.
40:33You're going to love this.
40:34The emissions from their anal glands
40:35not only stink,
40:37but can temporarily blind predators
40:40and cause painful burning sensations on the skin.
40:44That is a seriously stinky creature.
40:46You can't get it out of your genes.
40:48The smell or the animal.
40:52Sorry, officer.
40:55Just have a look at this V2, which I really love.
40:57The Caraftohelix snail,
40:59it does the complete opposite of playing possum.
41:02Have a look.
41:02Rather than retreat into its shell,
41:04it goes on the offensive.
41:05It uses its shell,
41:06look at that,
41:07as a battering ram to hit.
41:09Oh, that's very cool.
41:11That's wonderful.
41:11That is very cool to be able to do that.
41:13If I could swing my arse like that.
41:17You wouldn't be wasting your time sat here, would you?
41:22If you think you see a possum playing possum,
41:25then they're probably dead.
41:26So let's check it out.
41:28In first place, coming up,
41:30smelling of roses with three points.
41:33It's Nish.
41:39In second place with minus two, Alan.
41:44In third place with minus three, Ross.
41:50In the last place,
41:52sticking the place up with minus five,
41:53it's Sally.
42:01So, we like to give a prize.
42:06Taking home tonight's prize,
42:08a truly odious odour,
42:09the actual scent of the apocalypse,
42:11goes to Sally.
42:13There you go.
42:17It only remains for me to thank Sally,
42:19Ross, Nish, and Alan.
42:20I leave you with this tall tale from a toilet.
42:22Tallulah Bankhead was in a cubicle in the ladies.
42:25Do you have any toilet paper?
42:26She asked the occupant of the next stall.
42:28No, came the reply.
42:30Then, do you have any Kleenex?
42:31She asked.
42:32Sorry, no, the lady said again.
42:34Then, can you change a ten for two fives?
42:37Thank you. Good night.
42:38.
42:38.
42:38.
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