- 6 hours ago
American Dad - Season 22 - Episode 05: Idol Threat
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00:03Good morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day, the sun in the sky
00:11has a smile on his face, and he's shining a salute to the American race, oh boy it's
00:21well to say, good morning USA, you are cool, cool as a cucumber, a cucumber doesn't want,
00:38it doesn't fear, it just is, everyone come quick, Steve is doing something, I'm psyching
00:45myself up for the Langley Church Carnival, take this with a grain of salt, because I've
00:49never been to this fair and this is the first I'm hearing of it, you're not ready, the
00:53church carnival closes the summer social calendar, it's a chance to reinvent yourself right before
00:58school starts again, and you're going as, what did you say, a pickle, your trolling would
01:03have gotten to the old Steve, but new me is easy and or breezy, I've been very patient,
01:09please talk about the belt now, it's the centerpiece to the new me, gives me the confidence of a
01:14cucumber, famously the most confident of all the penis shaped foods,
01:20ready to go Steve, whoa I'm loving the new braided centerpiece, you guys are doing this fair
01:25thing too, carnival and yes, it's the perfect opportunity to reset who you are before the
01:30school year, if it goes well, it goes wrong sometimes, Haley had a bad carnival last summer,
01:39derailed her whole year, she developed an unhealthy bond with a goat in the petting zoo,
01:44they caught her trying to, uh, to lure it away into a port-a-potty, are you guys talking about
01:49the goat again, let it go, you freaked everyone out, he needed to be alone, with me, this fair sounds
01:56incredible, everyone get in the car right freaking now, well it doesn't start for a few hours, wow,
02:01I can't stop learning things about this fair, I can't do it, this Henley was a mistake, look how much
02:11chest I'm just giving away for free, be honest, is it slutty, honestly, yes, but in a way that really
02:18sings, if anything I'm worried about my bold lip, is it, absolutely perfect, yes, those lips belong in
02:25Paris, or on a motorcycle, I can't wait to see them drop like a curtain on a bunch of fried
02:30pickles,
02:31oh, Stan, right, I've watched 16 hours of YouTube videos on how to beat every rigged game here,
02:40those carny fat cats have had it too good for too long, and I am gonna have a normal time,
02:46I'm certainly not going anywhere near the port-a-potties, or the petting zoo, you're literally
02:50acting insane about this, can we just forget about the goat, I have, I bet he wouldn't even recognize
02:55me anyway, I mean, I've grown a bunch, has he grown? I don't care! And I've got my cucumber thing,
03:01or wait, was that Steve's? I will also be a cucumber.
03:07Whoa, Steve, nice belt! Thanks, that flamenco fingernail is nothing to sneeze at either.
03:13This? Oh, no, my new thing is gonna be cocaine. So what do we do first? Check out the rides,
03:19the girls, the women? This year, I'm easy-peasy-steezy. I'm even willing to ride
03:25the big kid rides. Are you sure?
03:28Snot, look at my belt. The new Steve is ready for anything.
03:32That's great news, because there's a new ride this year that's supposed to be nuts.
03:37There is?
03:39Satan's Tantrum.
03:47Very cool. But what's the rush, right? Let's get some funnel cake first.
03:53Stop hitting yourself!
03:56Steve, help me!
03:59Smith, I was just thinking about how I'd like to hit you with this.
04:03I got a cricket leg in my funnel cake last year. Let's hit that ride.
04:07What about Billy?
04:08Billy might have been the aggressor here. We came in late.
04:11Now the trick here is the backspea-
04:13Hey, watch it!
04:15Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
04:16I'm not a prize to be won!
04:18Help! I'm being trafficked! Probably for sex!
04:21Wait, is it for sex?
04:23No.
04:23Okay, yeah.
04:24Then help!
04:28The best part is, it wasn't even built by a ride architect.
04:32Then who made it?
04:33A guy.
04:34Why? After he built it, he was committed to an insane asylum.
04:39Are pieces supposed to be falling off like that?
04:44Nobody knows! That's what makes it great!
04:47Step on the scale, boy.
04:49And get this. No height requirement, just a weight requirement.
04:54The guy was absolutely mental.
04:56What happens if you don't weigh enough?
04:58You fly out.
05:03Huh. He's not heavy enough.
05:05But Toshi's smaller than me.
05:10I can't ride the ride.
05:12Oh, I can't ride the ride!
05:14Oh!
05:15Enjoy the hell out of it, boys.
05:17I'm gonna try to cool off in the mirror maze.
05:19I got it!
05:21Hi. I'm a little late to the game on this fair thing, but I'm loving what I'm seeing from you
05:26carnies.
05:26Doing drugs in the open, having filthy hay sex while your teeth drop out.
05:30I'll do anything to work here.
05:32You're hired.
05:34Fantastic!
05:35I need the first two weeks off.
05:40Ah.
05:41Hey, big guy.
05:43Close shave out there.
05:44Satan's tantrum was a curveball.
05:46It's okay to be scared.
05:47You're still King Kuk.
05:50Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
05:52Ha ha ha ha ha!
05:53Mertz.
05:54Wow.
05:55What in the candy-ass hell did I just stumble on?
05:58Oh, no.
06:00I can't control myself
06:01when I see a wuss being this vulnerable.
06:04My body just has to bully good luck catching the real me. I know this place like the back of
06:11my
06:12This is exciting. I wonder what my body's gonna do to you. I
06:18Know my rights. I am allowed to sing to the goat. You're a cucumber. You're a cucumber
06:24Not this one. He's a flight risk
06:28Hot damn welcome to hell boy
06:39Oh
06:39What are you doing I told you I don't know but whatever happens is your fault King cute
07:07Oh
07:08Steve I got you next on Greg's goodies. I'll be trying the famous twice-fried corn dogs a
07:17Real news story and at the carnival my school year is set
07:28You are so dead everyone saw that assault attempted murder and worst of all misleading an innocent carny
07:37I know what your body's gonna do next go straight to jail
07:44We'll see if we can get a word from the hero himself hang on and hang on
07:49He did to you what was going through your mind up there nothing. I just did it inspiring words
07:56And what's new about me is the bolo tie
08:03And at the height of Satan's tantrum Mertz clear-eyed and cool and Steve the sniveling nerd
08:12Unchanged by the miracle of the carnival wearing pink hot boxers like a cartoon sea captain whose pants are ripped
08:18open by an alligator
08:19Can't say I love the way I'm being depicted. I gotta set the record straight Mertz is no hero. It's
08:25his fault
08:25I was even on that death trap
08:28What it's just he did save your life
08:32Criticizing Mertz now might come across as ungrateful dare I say
08:39Uncool he's tormented us our entire lives Barry he gorilla glued your boobs together. You had to have surgery
08:46We know that but I think Barry's right. You gotta let this blow over on the bright side
08:51He hasn't bullied any of us today true. I don't miss the usual back-to-school
08:56Butt-crack wet Willie. Maybe you're right
08:58Maybe this will all die down in a few days a key to the city is the greatest honor Langley
09:05Falls can bestow upon a citizen
09:07Though in truth it opens very little the holes simply aren't big enough
09:13I found and so to you Mertz we offer this key
09:18Thank you for not forcing me to cancel the carnival because of a death
09:23Thank you, but the truth is I'm no hero
09:27That's a thing a hero would say I've done a lot of things
09:31I'm not proud of I used to pray on the weak Steve in particular
09:35For the record that was the old Steve if I can draw your attention to my belt for a moment
09:40saving him awoken me a desire to do good
09:43Now I get up each day and try to be the person all of you believe I am already
09:48Thank you
09:51I wasn't supposed to be on that ride and for the other boy Zane's department store has graciously donated a
09:58pack of less embarrassing underwear
10:01For the love of my underwear is fine
10:04No, they're the underwear of a foppish captain who gets his pants ripped open by a hungry alligator
10:11I've seen that one. What was it called meet me by the stage everyone else go home?
10:18Francine your makeup people are gonna think we skipped this thing to have sex in the car
10:22Especially the people who saw us doing it. Can we go now?
10:26Mertz we never had a chance to say a proper thank you for what you did for Steve
10:30I'd shake your hand, but I haven't washed mine and I
10:33Just did something cool. Do you have dinner plans tonight?
10:37I was gonna have a quiet night in dang. He's booked up. Let's go come to our house for dinner
10:42It's the least we can do Wow
10:45Okay, thank you
10:47Dad no he wants did an entire history report on the agrarian tradition of plowing mom great
10:54You'll never want to talk about the stuff. I'm interested in
10:59So Mertz what kind of doors are open to you now that you're a celebrity. I bet you could get
11:04on Raya easy
11:05Everyone's been so generous the petting zoo said I could pick any animal I want and keep it
11:12What did you decide on could someone pass me a napkin a teacup piglet mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't see
11:19what the fuss is about this guy
11:20Okay, probably time for Mertz to be hitting the old dusty trail. No can do. I am not leaving you
11:27guys with all these dishes
11:28That's sort of my thing since when let him clean up if he wants I torched the casserole dish. It's
11:34gonna need a hero
11:36All right, you got into my house. You won over my family
11:40Congratulations now you can use it all to stab me in the heart. That's the plan right? There's no plan
11:45Steve
11:46God's plan. Maybe something shifted inside me on that ride
11:50Something more than my elbow popping out. Well, I don't buy the act
11:54I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in debt to the guy who gave me a swirly in
11:58a toilet. He upper decked Steve
12:00I don't think you understand. I'm in debt to you for the first time in my life
12:05I like who I am you saved me and I can't wait to tell the whole world about it tomorrow
12:11Well, what's tomorrow you didn't hear buddy. We're gonna be on morning mimosa
12:16Hmm show the world who you truly are you say I didn't but I love when you put words in
12:23my mouth gives my tongue a rest
12:27Look babe. I got you a goat. Who's that? I don't know that goat. It's a goat like you like
12:34Oh, wow. Okay. Now. I'm starting to see what's going on here
12:38Haley likes goats any goat will do is that about right? I don't understand
12:42Yeah, well everything's coming into focus for me
12:46I'm achieving a level of clarity about you now
12:48Did I do something wrong?
12:49Get out of here and take whatever it is you think this is with you the goat
12:55Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff
12:57Jeff
12:59That went so sideways in there
13:01What the hell did you do?
13:04Stop saying that
13:08Welcome back from our boot and rally
13:10intermission sponsored by Fruit stripe Gum
13:13Fruit stripe Gum for when you need your mouth to be as fresh as a zebra
13:17Our producer, Charlie, is telling me our guests are the carnival hero and the boy he saved.
13:24So tell us, are you as worried as me that every car is clay-colored now?
13:30Uh...
13:31Sure. In fact, there's not much I don't worry about, Suze.
13:35Yes, you look like a worrier.
13:37Guilty? I'm a bit of a wuss.
13:41I have this fun little thing I like to do that helps me.
13:44It's incredibly earnest and vulnerable.
13:47Do you all want to see it?
13:51Please don't.
13:54Steven Anita Smith. My middle name is Anita.
13:57You are cool. Cool as a big, firm cucumber.
14:05Calm and cool. Probably the coolest of all the fruits.
14:10The King Cuc-
14:12Ow!
14:14Gotcha.
14:15Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that.
14:19No, I feel it too. I want... I want to stuff him somewhere small.
14:23His place!
14:24Yes! I want to put him in his place.
14:27In his place! In his place!
14:31Stop!
14:31I don't mean to silence women, but where you look at Steve and see a four-eyed weenie, I see
14:38a guy with the courage to try to change.
14:40And in the end, isn't that what we all really want? To be better versions of ourselves? To be more
14:48like Steve?
14:51You son of a bitch!
14:58You son of a bitch!
15:18Ow! My arm!
15:18But I will be. Thanks for doing this emergency sleepover. You guys might be the only ones immune to the
15:24Mertz mania.
15:25Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. Pizza Overlord keeps giving me pizzas. I hope it's okay that I brought some.
15:32Yum, yum, yum! I'm fat! Is that what you all want me to say?!
15:36You invited Mertz?
15:38Steve, he said some beautiful things about you on Morning Mimosa. I think he's being sincere.
15:45And the Steve we saw on the show, that wasn't you. We thought the real Steve would want the chance
15:52to apologize.
15:53No way! I'm not apologizing to that, that douche nozzle!
15:58Too far, Steve. We've always believed the carnival is an opportunity to change who you are.
16:04Why can't you accept that's also true for Mertz?
16:07Because I didn't change! I tried! And I couldn't! And if I can't, then this monster doesn't deserve to!
16:17Wrong, Steve. You did change.
16:19I did?
16:20For the worst!
16:25Look what I've done to your game. I'll just go. Enjoy the pies.
16:31No! Mertz, stay. Steve, you go.
16:36Me?!
16:36Look what you've become, Steve! Get out!
16:42Ooh, Mertz! We all love you and your idiot broken arm, Mertz!
16:52Kiss my baby, Mertz! Now kiss me, Mertz! Now let's all kiss at the same time on Steve's stupid grave!
17:01Steve! I got worried when it started raining. Pop in!
17:05Stop kissing everyone!
17:06What?
17:09Whoa! Is it raining?
17:12I love my job!
17:14Leave me alone!
17:15I can't! I'd never forget myself if something happened to you!
17:20Oop, gotta blot that before it stains. I got napkins here somewhere.
17:25Look! Maybe you have changed! Maybe you're a completely different person!
17:30But that doesn't change the fact that I hate you! And I hate that I'm gonna be an afterthought to
17:35you the rest of my life!
17:37Back in the seat! Almost ready to look out the windshield again, where my eye drops at.
17:46Aaaaaaah!
17:48Aaaaaaah!
17:50Aaaaaaah!
17:51Aaaaaaah!
17:53Aaaaaaah!
17:53Aaaaaaah!
17:54Aaaaaaah!
17:54Whew! That was...
17:57Aaaaaaah!
18:01Dad?
18:02Oh, Steve! We were so worried!
18:04Are you naked?
18:06Yes, your mother prefers when I dress like this.
18:09My arms... I can't believe I got the correct goat. I believe.
18:14I always believed. And now it doesn't matter if no one else understands.
18:18I understand a little.
18:19Oh, really, Jeff? What part exactly?
18:27Don't feel bad for him.
18:28This is what he does!
18:30And I've given up on the carnival circuit.
18:32Kicked out, really, for hygiene reasons.
18:34Gotta keep my eyes peeled for something less buttoned up than carny life.
18:38And is that Klaus?
18:40Timing will be of the essence.
18:41While Sergei is clogging the filter,
18:43it'll be up to me to open the window so Beth can catapult Pierre to freedom.
18:48Oh, my God, guys! That's my family!
18:51Get me out of here!
18:52Are you good to leave?
18:53Seemed like you're in the middle of something.
18:55An escape plan for the clownfish. It's fine. I wasn't crucial.
19:01Wonderful! You're awake.
19:03You're very lucky you made it.
19:05A certain hero got you here in the nick of time.
19:08Oh, no.
19:11Oops!
19:12Wrong curtain.
19:13The truck driver's in pretty rough shape.
19:17Lucky, too, that Mertz was a donor match.
19:20Okay, everyone, that's visiting hours.
19:22Steve needs rest.
19:25Mertz, you can do whatever you like.
19:28Come by the parking lot when you're done and I'll smoke you out.
19:32They gave me this jello for giving blood, and I figured you could use it more.
19:37I've got a spoon here somewhere.
19:39I guess I owe you an apology.
19:42You really have changed.
19:44Into my belt?
19:46Oh, you notice my little trophy, huh?
19:49It's for defeating you completely.
19:51What?
19:52I was being honest when I said you changed me, Smith.
19:55You unlocked a whole new form of torture I didn't know was in me.
19:59I call it long-form bullying.
20:03You're not even hurt.
20:04Right?
20:05And we're the only ones who will ever know.
20:08I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith.
20:13Oh, there's that spoon.
20:15Oh, that's ripe.
20:18Hope this doesn't overpower your white grape jello.
20:21It's a delicate taste.
20:24No!
20:32You wanted to see me, detectives?
20:34We need you to take a look at something.
20:38Am I supposed to know him?
20:40The truck driver who hit you 50 years ago.
20:43The guy who made you more metal than me.
20:45I'm no filthy bot!
20:47Easy! Easy!
20:49Our future technology has allowed us to do a retinal scan on cadavers and see everything they've ever seen.
20:55Show them, Kyle.
20:59I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith.
21:05All your complaints over the years and you were right all along.
21:09On behalf of the Langley Acid Falls Police Department, we want to issue an unofficial apology.
21:16Wait, unofficial?
21:18We can't ever let this footage leak.
21:20It'd cause global instability and threaten the reputation of the United States President.
21:26President Mertz.
21:27Man, I'd love to get a belt like his.
21:30Ah, so cool!
21:32Bye! Have a beautiful time!
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