- 21 minutes ago
G'wed Season 3 Episode 7
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:05Good morning, everyone.
00:07Now we've brought you on this trip to give you a chance to...
00:11...breathe.
00:12One final blowout before the GCSE chaos begins.
00:16Now today, we'll be split into three parts.
00:19Er, Mr. Meach has started you saying it, Connor. Come quick!
00:22Cut! Come on, stop!
00:23First, we have our end-of-year awards
00:26and we'll open up those letters you wrote to your future selves back in year seven.
00:30You know, writing letters to your future selves is a very powerful thing.
00:34I recently read a letter that I wrote to myself last year.
00:38It was very interesting to revisit my goals.
00:43Extremely pleasing to see how thoroughly I smashed them.
00:50This way, sir, come quick!
00:51Then we'll look to the future and we'll discuss your career, hopes and dreams.
00:54Even someone my age likes to set new goals.
00:57Explore new opportunities.
00:59Even ones you thought you were never open-minded enough to try.
01:06He said he's in there!
01:08What? What?
01:09Connor!
01:09And then finally the present.
01:11Tonight's party.
01:12Oh, yes!
01:12Enjoy it.
01:13Because pretty soon you'll be stressing about jobs and money.
01:17Connor!
01:18Connor, you all right?
01:19He's in there, sir.
01:19Connor?
01:20Connor?
01:22What?
01:23What's going on?
01:27Let me out!
01:28Say please, sir!
01:30Please.
01:31Good boy!
01:33And that's why we ban phones.
01:36You see, this trip is about being here.
01:38They say that school's the best days of your lives.
01:41Well, take a tip from someone who's lived a fair few since.
01:46They're right.
01:48You'll miss the noise.
01:49The daftness.
01:51The feeling that life is opening up, not closing in.
01:57So make it count.
01:59Now, as you can see, Mr. Dunn and I are using these radios to communicate.
02:04That's because at the last place we visited, some pupils thought it funny to lock Mr. Dunn in the toilet.
02:09He was there for three hours.
02:12Anyway, let's crack on.
02:14Mr. Dunn will start with the end-of-year awards.
02:16Mr. Dunn.
02:19Mr. Dunn?
02:21Mr. Dunn, do you copy?
02:24It's happened again.
02:26What has?
02:28It's happened again.
02:30It's happened again.
02:32Donnie's locked in the toilet.
02:35It's happened again.
02:37It's happened again.
02:39It's happened again.
02:41Oh no.
02:41Donnie's locked in the toilet.
02:44It's happened again.
02:53Well, I was only in there for ten minutes.
02:56This time.
02:58Anyway, end-of-year awards.
03:00And the Advocacy Award goes to...
03:05Oh, my God.
03:10Thank you, sir.
03:11This is amazing.
03:13This award means so much to me because it really sums up my values and my principles.
03:21It shows the world exactly who I am.
03:25But it's not just about me.
03:28This is about all of us.
03:30Together, sharing this vision.
03:33Yes.
03:34Ella Grace.
03:34Yes.
03:35Ella Grace.
03:35We must stand together.
03:37Yes.
03:38This is our time.
03:40Yes.
03:40We must unite to crush our enemies.
03:44Yes.
03:44Together, we can change the course of history.
03:48Yes.
03:50Oh, my God.
03:53Ella Grace.
03:54Ella Grace.
03:56Sick of listening to a bang on a bad equality all year and wanted revenge, did you, sir?
03:59No, that wasn't me.
04:00Gonna trick her into getting spit-roasted by Tommy Robinson and Nigel Farage next, are you, sir?
04:05Gonna trick her into doing a podcast called Ain't No Black and the Union Jack next, are you, sir?
04:08That's not fair.
04:09Going to trick me into unfollowing Emma Watson on Instagram, are you, sir?
04:15Incredible girls.
04:16Add a little play with Donny's laptop on the way of here, didn't we?
04:21And never give up on your dreams.
04:24Remember what Dad told you?
04:25Yeah.
04:27Salah's not always going to play for Liverpool.
04:29You'll catch your chance.
04:31Just keep believing.
04:34From an 11-year-old me.
04:38I need to find that belief again.
04:47Dear future me, I hope you're still dreaming big, lad.
04:52Don't let anyone tell you it's a waste of time.
04:55Stick with it.
04:56I'll never forget what made you start in the first place.
05:00When you saw a bent over in that kitchen that day.
05:02It was your new den.
05:04That baring your head in Reece's Mars' eyes is a dream.
05:07That you'll never give up on.
05:08From an 11-year-old me.
05:10I was just a kid.
05:12And a dare to dream.
05:17Reece?
05:22Dear future me,
05:24I hope you remember all the great lessons from Mr Meacher.
05:27He's a great teacher who really cares.
05:30Who really listens.
05:32Who actually makes you feel like you matter.
05:34And sometimes,
05:36he helps you in a way that makes you feel special, doesn't he?
05:39And tells you not to tell anyone.
05:41That it's our little secret.
05:42Get out of here.
05:48Get out of here!
05:51Lad, you shit yourself.
05:53I swear I saw some fella in the teeth.
05:55Hey, maybe it was Noddy.
05:56Who's Noddy?
05:57Apparently, there's some fella who lives in them woods called Noddy.
06:00The last time the school came here, he got into one of the girls' dorms.
06:04Tried to kill her.
06:06Ain't that right, sir?
06:08My Louise, stop lying.
06:09What?
06:11It was two girls' dorms.
06:13Stop it!
06:14Because I saw someone.
06:16Noddy!
06:19Alright, that's enough.
06:20I'm gonna go and get the flip charts for the career session.
06:22And something sharp, you know.
06:24Just in case.
06:26Noddy!
06:27Hey!
06:27Hey!
06:31What are you looking?
06:32What is it?
06:33CCTV.
06:34Oh, look hon.
06:36I told you.
06:36They put all the CCTV in here.
06:39Because of Noddy.
06:43Ah!
06:46Noddy's gonna get ya!
06:48Hey!
06:49No messing around in here.
06:50Out!
06:51Oh, shit.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Sadie's here.
06:54Sorry.
06:54Alright.
06:56Noddy's gonna get ya.
06:57Nice.
07:08You alright, mate?
07:10Do you work here?
07:11Better work here, yeah.
07:12I'm the head of, erm...
07:14Telling gobshites to mind their own fucking business.
07:17Sorry, mate.
07:18Can I, er...
07:19Help you?
07:20You can, mate.
07:21I'm moving out me way before I wrap those massive legs of yours around your neck until
07:26you choke to death, you nine foot prick.
07:28Actually, I'm six or four.
07:29Move!
07:30Oi!
07:31Lock the gates!
07:31Lock all the doors!
07:37Get in me car!
07:38Now!
07:41Give me that.
07:46Would you prefer me in the front or the back?
07:48Obviously the back.
07:50You gangly twat.
07:51Uriel!
07:51Yep.
07:53It's like a no-look penalty, but a no-look bump.
07:59Everything alright, sir?
08:01Yes.
08:02Nothing to worry about.
08:06I need to see more positions.
08:07Come on.
08:10What!
08:22Jeez.
08:31Fuck.
08:35Fuck.
08:40Oh, yeah.
09:03Don't fuck!
09:05Fucking bastard!
09:07Fuck!
09:11Hold it down.
09:17Hold it down.
09:20You're not going to keep me out forever, love.
09:25Yeah, yeah, look at this one.
09:27Stop, eh?
09:28Step, bump.
09:34Oh my god!
09:36What is it?
09:38What are you talking about?
09:39There's no one there.
09:41Huh?
09:42It's an Aussie come.
09:43He's come for you.
09:44Oh, take Connor!
09:44Don't hurt us!
09:45I swear I thought it was awesome, man.
09:47There's no one out there.
09:49Oh, Amy.
09:49There's no one there.
09:54Say there's some mad fella with a gun outside!
09:57Come here, come here.
09:57Oh my god!
09:58Listen to me!
09:59Listen to me!
10:00Yeah.
10:02He's got a gun.
10:04But you've got me, G.
10:07And I've watched each and every one of you grow from kid to young adult.
10:15You're mine to protect.
10:17And I'll tell you this.
10:19Nobody, I mean nobody, lays a finger on any of my pupils while I'm still breathing.
10:27Not today.
10:29Not ever.
10:32We're not going to die!
10:39Look, mate.
10:40What's this about to the kids in there?
10:41Oh, well, that's me, innit?
10:42Danger to kids.
10:44Even me own.
10:45Unfit dad.
10:46Risk to their welfare.
10:48You think I can't do anything?
10:50Well, I'll show you.
10:50I'll show you.
10:55This is Merseyside Police.
10:58The suspect, Sean, has now been arrested.
11:00It is safe to exit the building.
11:02And who am I speaking to?
11:06Um, Officer Sean-son.
11:10So the suspect's name is Sean?
11:13And your name is Officer Sean-son?
11:15A little bit of a coincidence, don't you think?
11:17Besides, I can clearly see you on the CCTV.
11:24You put me off, you fucking dick.
11:30Lock lane, please, driver.
11:31You fucking what?
11:46This may be my last ever message to the world.
11:53Look, whatever's going on here, mate, I'm sure we can talk it through nice and calmly.
11:58Talk it through?
11:59Yeah.
12:01Do you think you can solve all my problems?
12:03Do you think you're better than me?
12:04No, no, no, no.
12:05Closer.
12:06I could have been a teacher, you know.
12:08The only difference between me and you is that I grew up with nothing.
12:13Well, that must have been very, very challenging for you.
12:16That'd be a great teacher, mate.
12:17Mr. Sean.
12:21Inspiring generations.
12:22I'm sure you could.
12:25You don't believe me, do you?
12:27None of us do.
12:28You wrote me off before I even started, but I could teach.
12:32Yeah.
12:33Yeah.
12:33I could teach.
12:34I believe you.
12:36I'm going to show you.
12:36No, I believe you.
12:37I'm going to show you.
12:45Do you know how to tie a bowline knot?
12:49No.
12:50Okay.
12:52I'll teach you.
12:54Good job.
12:56Go.
13:09Guys, stay away from the window.
13:12No.
13:15No.
13:16No.
13:16No.
13:16No.
13:17No.
13:17No.
13:18You alright?
13:20I don't know.
13:22Whatever he gets in.
13:24Just stay by me, okay?
13:26Why?
13:27What are you going to do?
13:28You can hardly take a bullet for me, can you?
13:30You're too small, it'll just go over you.
13:32Wow.
13:33Cheers.
13:34Sorry.
13:35I'm freaking out.
13:40My Louise.
13:45If this is it, and he walks through that door and it's over, I need you to know something.
13:54I love you.
13:57I always have.
13:58I never stopped thinking about you.
14:01Every time you walk in a room, it's like the world stops being a mess for a second.
14:05And everything just makes sense.
14:09Sometimes I just find it easier to take the piss.
14:12Rather than say anything that might be too real.
14:16And it breaks my heart that I'm gonna die never having made love to the one woman my heart truly
14:23desires.
14:25But right now, Amy, it doesn't feel easier to take the piss.
14:29It feels easier to say this, that I've always felt something for you.
14:34Sometimes I think that's the whole point of all this.
14:37Two souls finding each other, sharing something that's deeper than words.
14:41And then we became mates, and that's just how it was.
14:45And a part of me didn't want to lose that.
14:48I didn't want to risk not getting to see you.
14:50Risk not getting to laugh with you.
14:55Because it's better to have a little bit of that in my life, than I have here in my life
15:00at all.
15:07We can't leave this world missing out on the one thing that we're here for.
15:13So please, my Louise, it's always been you.
15:19And I can't die a virgin.
15:20I'm crying, you're so sweet.
15:24But absolutely not.
15:28Sorry.
15:34Bella.
15:39If this is he, and he walks through that door, and it's over, I need you to know something.
15:46I love you.
15:48I always have.
15:50A virgin rat.
15:52No.
15:52This bit.
15:53Is your rabbit hole.
15:55And your rabbit is going to come up through the hole.
15:58Oh, hello, little bunny.
16:00Around the tree.
16:02And then he's gonna come straight, back down.
16:04And there you have it, a bowline knob.
16:09You try.
16:21Rabbit?
16:22In the hole?
16:24Yes.
16:27Where's the tree gone?
16:28The circle is the tree!
16:30You fucking thick lad!
16:32Quite possibly.
16:33Because it's absolutely not your teaching.
16:35Just for being very good with no...
16:36For fuck's sake!
16:38There's gotta be a fucking way inside.
16:40No, no, no, look. Look, I've got it. Look, look.
16:42Rabbit.
16:44Through the hole.
16:45There's the chance here.
16:48If that's be true.
16:49Oh, fuck off!
17:05Everybody okay here?
17:07Hello?
17:08Hello?
17:08Is anyone there?
17:09It's Mr. Don.
17:10You haven't told me.
17:11I need you to tell Julie that I love her.
17:12Oi!
17:13No!
17:25You killed Tony?
17:28Stay here.
17:29Stay here.
17:30Stay here.
17:32You know, he didn't just do his job.
17:35He actually cared.
17:38Yeah.
17:39He saw something in all of us.
17:42Even when no one else did.
17:45That's all he said.
17:48Never gonna see it again, I wish it.
17:51This is it then, everyone.
17:54Has anyone got anything you wanna say?
17:56Beefs, confessions, regrets?
17:58Speak now.
17:59Cause we might not get another chance.
18:02I wish I'd listened more to me grandad.
18:06He always tried to talk to us about Islam.
18:10About the importance of belonging to something bigger than yourself.
18:16I've let him down, innit?
18:18It's too late.
18:22When you pretended to be a Muslim,
18:24I wasn't interested in you because of that.
18:28I just love black men.
18:30There's something about him and I know it's not politically correct
18:33and I wanna see everybody as equal
18:34and it kills me to be stuck between my ideals and my impulses
18:37but the thing is...
18:39for me...
18:41the blacker the better.
18:43Yes.
18:46Wow.
18:47I've always had a little thing for Mo.
18:50What?
18:51Something about his cute little chubby face just...
18:55makes me wanna sit on it.
18:57Right?
18:57Yeah.
19:00Why aren't you just telling me this now?
19:02I just wanna say thank you...
19:03to all of you...
19:05for making me an honorary scouser.
19:08And if we all perish...
19:10Who says perish?
19:12It was me.
19:15I clogged the bog with that huge shit.
19:18Yeah.
19:19I'm blamed on that little year seven, lad.
19:22Vlad.
19:22He's got cerebral palsy.
19:24I know.
19:25I think about it every night.
19:26I can't sleep.
19:29Until I have a wank and it just knocks me out.
19:34I'm not even scared of dying, you know.
19:37Not really.
19:41What scares me.
19:44What scares me.
19:44What defies me is...
19:45leaving me dad.
19:48He's the strongest person I've ever known.
19:50And if I die tonight, who's gonna hold him up then?
19:54Who's gonna make him laugh when his leg room work?
19:58Who's gonna tell him it's all right to cry?
20:02Who's gonna tell him that he's not a burden?
20:06That he's still my hero?
20:11The thought of leaving him alone in this world without me.
20:16That's worse than death.
20:25Does anyone else think he's not actually a good Alvison person, he said that?
20:29What?
20:32What?
20:33What?
20:34What?
20:34What?
20:36What?
20:38I need to light it up, lad.
20:40Come on, play a song.
20:41Yeah, the song goes on.
20:49Hey, my mother's gone.
20:53I've just yet too much talent to give
20:57for the world to forget.
21:01Corn's gonna pass,
21:04hadn't never had sex.
21:07Mastering soul or wanks is his biggest flex.
21:13If it's decided that more has to die,
21:18I hope that there's a maquis waiting in the sky.
21:23Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
21:30Hope to see you on the other side.
21:36Maya Louise is definitely meant to be.
21:41She'll take one look at God, and she'll say...
21:47Hey!
21:48Hey!
21:49Christopher, I'll miss you a lot.
21:54Even though he's posh and wanks over dried apricots.
21:59Still my proudest moment.
22:02If it's decided that Ted's gonna die.
22:07He still owes me 20 quid.
22:10But I'm gonna let it slide.
22:14Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
22:19I hope to see you on the other side.
22:26Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
22:32I hope to see you on the other side.
22:42Friends of mine, it's time to say goodbye.
22:44Hope to see you on the other side.
22:47What was that?
22:48What?
22:49Is that a phone?
22:50Someone's...
22:50Check the bag, check the bag.
22:51Check the bag, check the bag.
22:52Check the bag, check the bag.
22:52Check the bag, check the bag.
22:53It's here, it's here, look.
22:54It's here, it's here.
22:56It's mine, look.
22:58Come on.
23:00Hello?
23:00Alright, son.
23:01Before I check in, all good.
23:03Darren!
23:03I know they said no phone, son, but that made me too anxious.
23:06I can't have you out my reach, so I snuck you in a burner.
23:09Darren, you're a legend, we can call the police.
23:12Why?
23:12What's up, son?
23:13You in danger?
23:13There's some mad fella outside with a gun sign to get in.
23:16You can't call out on it, son.
23:17It's a one way burner, but don't worry.
23:19I know where you are.
23:20I'll handle it.
23:22The police are coming.
23:24I've seen it!
23:25I've seen it!
23:26Come on!
23:27Come on!
23:31What are you doing?
23:36I thought it would be a good idea to play dead.
23:38Shot into the air, you lanky streaker pish.
23:46The police are here!
23:47The police are here!
23:51I'm here now, son!
23:54Everything's gonna be alright.
23:56What are you doing here?
23:57Police weren't the way to go on this one, son.
23:59So you haven't called the police?
24:00Nah.
24:01They're just over complicated.
24:03Best leave everything to me.
24:04Alright, I'll say it.
24:06You beat me.
24:07Yeah, it's over.
24:08There's no way inside.
24:10Just go, will ya?
24:12Yeah, chug on.
24:13I mean, what kind of a moron can't even find his way in anyway?
24:17That door at the back pops right open if you give it a proper push from the bottom.
24:20But you're too much of an idiot to realise that, sunshine.
24:23What, he is an idiot?
24:25Cheers for the tip, dickhead.
24:28We need to block that door.
24:30Come on.
24:33Sabine!
24:34Alright, alright!
24:37That's good, that's good.
24:39Dan, stay away from me.
24:42Unlucky.
24:44Noddy?
24:46Who's Noddy?
24:47Sean!
24:48What are you doing, lads?
24:50You know him?
24:50Yeah.
24:51That's Callum's dad.
24:53You're coming with me, this lad?
24:54Hey!
24:55Whoa!
24:56I need to teach your ma a lesson.
24:58What are you on about?
24:59She shoved me kids in a foster home.
25:01And you won't let me see them.
25:02She needs to know what that feels like.
25:04You gonna put me in a foster home?
25:05What?
25:06No.
25:07Look, after what happened with Steph, she tried to keep them, but they wouldn't let it.
25:11They said our house was too small.
25:12They needed their own room.
25:13I'm not buying it, Reece!
25:15Sean, I've known you since I was a kid.
25:17I know you're not a bad fella.
25:18Well, I'm pointing a gun at your head, lad.
25:20Alright, but...
25:22I know you're not angry with me ma.
25:23You're angry at yourself cause really you know you've let your kids down and that kills you.
25:28You don't know what you're on about.
25:29But if you just sorted your head out, there's a chance that one day you can be the dad again.
25:33Be the dad they really need.
25:35It's too late.
25:36I know meself with me own dad.
25:38I hate the bellend.
25:39I gave him a chance and he threw it back in me face.
25:43And yet all I want for him is to change.
25:45To be a better man.
25:47And do you know what we did, Sean?
25:50I'd forgive him.
25:52And your kids, they'll forgive you too.
25:54You feel it, lad?
25:55I know they would.
25:57Look, it's never too late to do the right thing.
26:01Please.
26:03Please.
26:05Please.
26:08Oh, God.
26:11Oh, God.
26:14Oh, God.
26:26I mean, it's no wonder you're angry with yourself.
26:29You're the worst dad in the world.
26:30Lads!
26:30There is no chance your kids are ever going to forgive you because what you've done is un-fucking-forgivable.
26:52Oh, my God!
26:53I'm calling an ambulance!
27:07Looks like we're going to have to put that trip to Disneyland on hold, son.
27:11I never actually agreed to go.
27:13And I'm just coming.
27:14You want to be Sean?
27:17You know, you've brought me more pride than I ever deserved, Heath.
27:22I know I'm not your dad.
27:26But you made me feel right, one.
27:29Maybe it's not about blood.
27:33It's about feeling it.
27:37Take care of yourself, my son.
27:41Hey.
27:43Darren!
27:44Darren!
27:46Darren!
27:48Darren!
27:50Dad!
27:52Dad!
27:53Wake up, Dad!
28:01Dad!
28:01Alright, I'll let you know, Mum.
28:03I've got to go.
28:04That's him now.
28:05Alright, love you, bye.
28:08Hello, son!
28:09How are you feeling?
28:11Yeah, I've been sore, but I'm buzzy.
28:13A second chance at life.
28:15And you call me Dad!
28:16It's the best week of me life!
28:18What?
28:18You heard that?
28:19Hey, listen to this.
28:21Dad!
28:22You recorded it?
28:24I say it's my ringtone!
28:25Dad!
28:26Please die.
28:30Hey, we survived the hostage situation.
28:33GCSEs are going to be a piece of piss.
28:35We've got our whole lives ahead of us.
28:37So let's make the most of it.
28:39Especially with people like this to share it with.
28:41And never let that feeling fade.
28:44I want you to remember this weekend as the one when you realised
28:47you only have one shot at life.
28:49Cheers, sir.
28:49We will.
28:50And if we ever forget, we've always got this to remind us.
28:54To my beloved wife, I owe you the truth.
28:58There have been some indiscretions.
29:0023, to be precise.
29:01Give that to me, Rhys.
29:02It all began with Miss Von Schweinitz at the Christmas party.
29:05I should have resisted.
29:07Your fishnet stockings were my undoing.
29:09Oi, hand it off!
29:10Guys, stop it!
29:11Show some respect.
29:13The same respect he shows Mrs Roberts.
29:15I must confess, Mrs Roberts, when I tell you I love you,
29:18it's a lie.
29:19It's only ever been about the sex.
29:21That's enough!
29:22I'm pretty sure Oliver from Marnia's, my son.
29:24In fact, I'm certain the resemblance is uncanny.
29:28Oh, God!
29:29Oh, God!
29:31Oh, God!
29:33Oh, God!
29:33Oh, God!
29:35Oh, God!
29:35Oh, God!
29:36Oh, God!
29:52Oh, God!
29:54Oh, God!
29:56Oh, God!
29:56Oh, God!
29:57Oh, God!
29:57Oh, God!
Comments