- 2 days ago
Taskmaster 2023 Season 5 Episode 6
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Short filmTranscript
00:04Where's the ball?
00:05No!
00:06Wee-hoo!
00:08Oh!
00:13I'm targeting!
00:14Yee-dee!
00:16Damn!
00:23Here's your good boy.
00:24Don't make me chuckle you!
00:28You're gonna be like this today, are ya?
00:38Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41I'm Tom Gleeson and to most of you this looks like a big chair,
00:45but it's actually one of my normal dining chairs from home.
00:49But we're not here to be impressed by me,
00:52we're here for me to not be impressed by five comedians.
00:56Competing to win my lovely head tonight are...
00:59Anissa Nandala.
01:01Brett Blake.
01:04Celia Pocola.
01:06Joel Greasy.
01:08And Kurt's very own, Rose McManus.
01:12And lastly, say hello to the guy who won't eat heirloom tomatoes
01:16because he thinks they look a bit too rude from above.
01:20It's Tom Cashman.
01:25How are you, Alyssa Tom?
01:26I'm not too bad.
01:27In fact, I've prepared a bit of a magic trick.
01:29Oh.
01:29Pick a card, any card.
01:31Okay.
01:32What did you get?
01:33It says, I appreciate the work you do.
01:38I just wanted to hear that.
01:43Did every card say that?
01:44Yeah.
01:46Alright, serve me up a prize task please, Alyssa Tom.
01:48Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:50what they consider to be the most beautiful damp thing.
01:54Anissa, what do you have for me?
01:56Yes, so the item that I chose is my wig.
01:59Oh.
02:01And this becomes most beautiful when it's damp
02:04because I hang it on the shower and it looks like a ghost.
02:09And every time my boyfriend walks in, he always gets scared,
02:12which is awesome, but then I forget I wear wigs
02:14and then I walk in at night and I get scared.
02:17But that is the most beautiful damp thing.
02:20Okay.
02:21It's not how I define beauty,
02:23but sometimes the most beautiful things also scare you.
02:28Like Tom.
02:31Okay.
02:32Joel, what did you bring in?
02:33I've just gone literal with this one.
02:35The most beautiful damp thing.
02:37Caviar.
02:38Oh.
02:39Yeah.
02:40Any questions?
02:42Okay.
02:43How often would you eat that?
02:44I actually love it, yeah.
02:46With a bit of sour cream, a bellini, a little bit of...
02:48Do you know what caviar is?
02:49No, I don't know what bellini is.
02:51Didn't they teach you about caviar at TAFE?
02:56No, surprisingly not.
02:57I know how to scaffold though, so...
03:00Uh, Brett, what did you bring in?
03:01Um, hello, welcome to my trap.
03:04It's a damp, a terrarium, and beautiful...
03:09Have a look at this.
03:11It's your wife!
03:15Don't like it when you suck up, feels a bit weird.
03:18Wasn't sucking up, it's a trap.
03:20Okay.
03:21Alright, uh, Rove.
03:22No surprises.
03:23It's an animal.
03:24It's called the poison dart frog.
03:28Can you put that on a cracker as well, or...?
03:30Oh, yeah.
03:32Alright, finally, Celia.
03:33Well, to show I brought this in, this is what's known as a postnatal perineal tray.
03:40And what that is, is when you push a person out of your vagina,
03:44the only thing that brings you any comfort is sitting in this plastic bird bath
03:49in about two centimetres of warm water and just soak the absolute horror show.
03:54Celia?
03:54Really?
03:56Do you know what beautiful means?
03:58Yes, I do, Thomas, and let me ask you this.
04:01If your penis was split in half when you were bringing life into the world
04:05and the only thing that brought you any relief from that
04:08was sitting in this damp thing, that is a beautiful relief
04:15from the torturous thing.
04:18And it doesn't have to be for birth.
04:20If birth makes you feel squeamish, shame on you.
04:23But it also could be for your hemorrhoids, Tom.
04:25Okay.
04:27Okay, well, I have to give out some points.
04:29You do.
04:29Straight away, one point to Joel.
04:30Oh, are you serious?
04:32Yeah, well, it's easy.
04:33I mean, I agree it's beautiful and it's damp, I get it,
04:36but I eat it every day too, no big deal.
04:38Two points to Anissa,
04:41because I'm sick of seeing your pubes from last episode.
04:45Three points to Rove, because it was a very beautiful frog
04:48and it's definitely damp.
04:49Four points to Brett, because my wife is very beautiful,
04:52but even my wife would agree the most beautiful thing
04:55is what Celia brought in.
04:56Well done.
04:57Well done.
04:57Allied.
04:58Allied.
05:00You're an ally, Tom.
05:03Okay, my human AI assistant, let's get into the good stuff.
05:06Show me a task.
05:07This next task is about speedos,
05:09the ones police have to measure speed,
05:11not the ones they wear under their uniforms.
05:27Hello.
05:28G'day.
05:29Oh, that's a lot.
05:31Oh, look at you.
05:32Hi Anissa.
05:33Policeman?
05:34Oh, you're like a cop, are you trying to be tough or something?
05:36I'm not trying to be tough, I am tough.
05:38Dude, you're the lamest cop ever.
05:39I can't see your task, Tom.
05:41Oh, right.
05:42Where's the task?
05:43Where do you think it is?
05:44How long are you going to keep doing that voice?
05:46The whole task.
05:53Look composed whilst carrying the most unique items,
05:57whilst registering the highest speed.
06:00No vehicles allowed.
06:01Brett would be pissed.
06:02I feel like you've done that on purpose for me.
06:05I'm very annoyed by that, Tom.
06:07He was.
06:09Most competitors whilst carrying the most things,
06:12the fastest wins.
06:13If you drop an item, you are disqualified.
06:17You have ten minutes.
06:18Your time starts now.
06:21Where's the thing?
06:22What thing?
06:23The letter.
06:24The letter?
06:25Where do letters go?
06:25Only there was a particular type of container for such things.
06:30Are you in drugs?
06:31Where do letters go?
06:34Oh, to Santa.
06:37You sent a letter to Santa at Christmas to ask what you want.
06:40No, I'm not saying who do you send letters to.
06:42I'm saying where would a letter go?
06:44The letter box.
06:45Oh, no way.
06:47So what do you want to do?
06:49Come on.
06:50Have I got to put a letter in the letter box?
06:52Put a letter?
06:53I don't know what you mean.
06:55Do you have a letter on you?
06:56I don't have a letter on me.
06:57Do I have to look for the letter?
06:58I mean, it's never been an issue before this.
07:02Why is this so hard?
07:03Have you tried looking?
07:08Oh.
07:13Is that the slowest anyone's ever gotten a letter?
07:15A hundred percent.
07:21Joel, let's just have a moment because it's been a tough ride for you this whole show.
07:25So, do you want to describe something that you're good at to the people at home?
07:31Radio ratings.
07:32Yeah!
07:37Alright, now who's running while carrying while looking composed should we look at first?
07:41I assume he's gotten done for speeding before.
07:43Can he do it again?
07:44It's Brett Blake.
07:46Most items.
07:52Hundreds of thousands.
07:54Most items.
07:55Most unique items.
07:58I reckon that's still pretty unique.
08:00I reckon that's it.
08:03He looks composed.
08:04Is that composed?
08:06It's up to the Taskmaster.
08:07Well, that's him.
08:08What do you reckon, Tom?
08:09Yes!
08:10Brett!
08:11You're killing it!
08:12And you're a way better comedian than me.
08:14Thanks, Tom.
08:15Appreciate it.
08:16Right.
08:17It's the fastest, holding the most items, looking composed at that camera.
08:23Three, two, one.
08:25Go!
08:35Hey, Brett!
08:36You've just got five to a thousand points, whatever's the most!
08:40And you rule!
08:42Mwah!
08:42Is that what the Taskmaster sounds like?
08:44Who knows?
08:46Probably sounds worse.
08:48Love you, Tom.
08:50Thanks, Brett.
08:52Hey!
08:54Pretty good!
08:55Pretty good!
08:56I think it's a great hack.
08:57You definitely look composed because I look composed.
09:00Correct.
09:01And you're running very fast.
09:02Do we know how fast?
09:03We do.
09:03He was running 22.3 kilometres per hour.
09:06Oh, wow.
09:06Sounds pretty fast.
09:09How many unique items do you think you're holding?
09:11Well, hundreds of thousands, so literally...
09:13No, no, unique.
09:14Like, because all the hundreds and thousands in there are all kind of identical to each other.
09:18They're not unique.
09:19They are unique because they're all different sizes.
09:22I don't think they are.
09:23They're the same size.
09:24I think they are, Tom.
09:25I don't know.
09:25I've eaten fairy bread and it's not like there's like one's and then .
09:29Now, if we're going down that path, there's a jar, there's a lid.
09:32Okay.
09:33There's a photo of you.
09:35Okay.
09:35I'll tell you what.
09:36I can give you the jar, not the lid.
09:38The lid's attached to the jar.
09:40So you've got a jar.
09:40You've got a portrait of me and then you've got hundreds and thousands.
09:44Well, can I get each colour though?
09:45Nope.
09:47So you've got hundreds and thousands and so that means it's full of hundreds and thousands.
09:52Okay.
09:52So there are only two unique items, but there are several of them.
09:57So I think you have four unique items.
09:59Okay.
10:02I'm calling bullshit, but whatever.
10:04All right.
10:05Time for a break from these speed demons.
10:07Let's take it slow and steady with the gently paced, very well composed advertisements.
10:12See you soon.
10:24Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia where we've just seen footage of Brett Blake break with decades of tradition and run
10:31towards the cots.
10:35That's right, our contestants had to carry the most unique items while registering the highest speed, all while looking composed.
10:41Next up, being zippy and grippy, it's Celia and Rove.
10:44Now I can find something to help me carry unique items.
10:48I mean, this is good.
10:50I'm just going to fill this with stuff.
10:53That's unique.
10:54That's a go on me there.
10:56That's good.
10:56That's happening.
11:00Don't go anywhere.
11:01I'm going to get some gravel.
11:03How much time do I have left?
11:06Five minutes and 55 seconds.
11:08Oh shit.
11:09Dragon.
11:11Candle.
11:12Bell.
11:13Book.
11:14I mean, I'm definitely going to win this, right?
11:16Why do you think that?
11:17Because look how many things I've got.
11:19How long?
11:20Two minutes and 43 seconds.
11:21I thought you said I had one minute.
11:22No, I said five minutes and 55 seconds.
11:24Then why am I racing like an idiot?
11:30I don't mean to bang my own drum, but...
11:35What is my love?
11:42Did I miss it?
11:43You missed it.
11:44Oh my gosh, no way!
11:46You're joking.
11:47Sorry.
11:48You're not sorry at all.
11:50You love it.
11:51You loved it.
11:52You saw your little countdown thing?
11:53God damn it.
11:55Oh, hello.
11:56Candles.
11:57A dragon.
11:59A fish.
12:01Staring it.
12:03Is my time up?
12:04Thanks, bro.
12:05Thanks.
12:06Thanks, Tom.
12:09Nailed it!
12:14I think we both learned a valuable lesson.
12:18What?
12:19Never trust the cops.
12:22I've been saying that for years.
12:24So, Celia, the other day you thought you'd done a task rather quickly and it took an hour and ten.
12:29Yes.
12:29I think we can agree that I have...
12:31Is there a number dyslexia?
12:32Because I might have that.
12:33Also, Tom, her vagina nearly fell out.
12:36Yes, Tom.
12:37Yes, Tom.
12:42But, let's not get off track.
12:43That's only one unique item.
12:48That's the kindest thing anyone has ever said about it.
12:51Well, did you think it was ten minutes to prepare?
12:53Yeah.
12:54Is that what you thought?
12:54Right.
12:54Were you the same, Rove?
12:55Oh, no.
12:57You turned into an old man muddling about in a shed.
13:01When the whistle was blown, you were muttering,
13:04Hello, candles.
13:05A dragon.
13:06A fish.
13:11They were obviously both disqualified, but I feel like I want to know how fast they ran.
13:15So, Celia had 32 things and walked at 6.9 kilometres per hour.
13:20And Rove had 14 things and walked at 2.2 kilometres per hour back to his dressing room.
13:28Who have we got left?
13:30Our next contestants to keep calm and carry are Anissa and Joel.
13:33Well, carrying, that word can mean lots of different things, can't it?
13:37What kind of things can it mean?
13:38Well, I'm carrying a lot of emotional baggage.
13:45I've got a pig.
13:46I've got a bird.
13:47A garden gnome.
13:49I feel like garden gnomes are baristas in an alternate universe.
13:53Don't you reckon?
13:55No.
13:56Sports ball.
13:58Separate ball.
14:01Tennis racket.
14:02What were those noises?
14:03That's how I play tennis.
14:04Sexually.
14:05Do you find that sexual?
14:08You're weird.
14:09How much time do I have?
14:102 minutes and 26 seconds.
14:11Time to hit the road.
14:13Oh no, I've over-packed the bag.
14:15Ready?
14:16Yeah.
14:16Compose.
14:33No!
14:34That's a stethoscope.
14:40Fudge!
14:41How did it fall?
14:47Am I disqualified?
14:49You'll find out.
14:49Just remember the emotional baggage I was carrying there.
14:52How many items of emotional baggage?
14:54400.
14:55Wow.
15:00Anissa, I feel like I want to hear more about your garden gnome theory.
15:04They just look like baristas and they're always just like...
15:08What?
15:10And baristas are quite attractive.
15:12And I see a garden gnome, I'm like, maybe.
15:19So if you hadn't dropped the stethoscope, I would have been happy to accept your 400 items of emotional baggage
15:24because they all would have been unique.
15:25If anything, I thought it was on the low side.
15:29Joel, you had 421 items, if we're including the emotional baggage, and an unimpressive speed of 8.1km per hour.
15:36That was the parachute holding you back.
15:37Also, you would have been fanging it without the parachute there.
15:41And this had 32 items and it was travelling 21.5km per hour.
15:47Alright, so Brett wins and all the others get zero.
15:50Exactly.
15:51Zero, zero, zero, zero.
15:52Five points for Brett Blake.
15:53Yes!
15:54Hundreds of thousands!
15:57Do you think you can give us the overall scores for the episode?
16:00Zero is on fire, but Brett's out in front with nine points.
16:05Time for a new one then.
16:07This next task is reminiscent of the song Dick In A Box by Justin Timberlake, except the rest of my
16:11body is in the box too.
16:34Tom!
16:36Where's that cheeky boy?
16:38Where's Tom?
16:40Well, well, well, what have we here?
16:43Hmm.
16:45Oh.
16:46Is he in the box?
16:47Are you trapped in the box, Tom?
16:52Oh, he's in the box!
16:54Hell yeah, dude!
16:55Release Tom from the box.
16:58You may not tamper with or damage the box.
17:02Boring!
17:03You may only take one key to the box at a time, and the bowl must remain where it is.
17:08Fewest keys tried wins.
17:10Your time starts now.
17:12Well, look, this is putting a very big inference on the fact that I want Tom released from the box.
17:20So pretty simple, Lesser Tom's in the box, there's a bowl of keys, they need to use the least keys
17:25to get him out.
17:26That's right.
17:27Pretty much that.
17:28Also, you can't damage the box.
17:30Nope.
17:30We specifically put that there because of Brett Blake.
17:34We were worried he would drop an elbow onto one.
17:37Hey!
17:40Alright, let's see you unbox then, Lesser Tom. Who's first?
17:44I got a strong impression they liked it when I was in there, so call them torn about releasing me.
17:49It's Brett and Rove.
17:50I can see we have symbols on the keys.
17:53I can see books.
17:55I can see telephones.
17:57I can see ears.
17:59Interesting.
18:00Are you actually in there, Tom?
18:02He's not in there, is he?
18:03I'm in here.
18:04You are in there, dude.
18:06Is the sock in there or what?
18:07Who's to say that's the box that Tom is in?
18:12No, I don't think you're in the box.
18:15I think there's a speaker in there.
18:16I'm in the box.
18:17Nah.
18:18Tom, what's two plus two?
18:21Four.
18:22Maybe he is in the box.
18:27What does this all mean?
18:29Oh, this says box key.
18:31Let's try that one.
18:37What I'm thinking is, if this says box key, what is the box?
18:41The box key?
18:42What's a box key?
18:43This is a box, isn't it?
18:45That's a box, is it?
18:46Or is it a plinth?
18:48Fragile.
18:49Handle with care.
18:50Oh my God, I don't get this one.
18:52There's always something hidden in these games.
18:55The box.
18:56What's a box?
18:57Is this a box?
19:00Oh, wait.
19:01There's a little lock hiding down here.
19:04Oh, yeah.
19:06Yeah, you assholes.
19:11Oh, shit.
19:20Thanks, Tom.
19:21Dude, that's creepy as hell in there.
19:24Tom was watching pornos in here, by the way.
19:27I wasn't watching pornos.
19:28Nah, you was.
19:29I saw it.
19:29I wasn't.
19:30I won.
19:31Thanks, Tom.
19:36So something that caught my interest was Brett
19:38But why did asking what 2 plus 2 was confirm that he was in the box?
19:44I thought it might have been a pre-recording.
19:47Because I kept asking him normal questions, and he'd be like,
19:50yeah, I'm in the box.
19:50And I was like, oh, well, what's 2 plus 2?
19:52Because that would maybe, like, throw him off.
19:55And then he's like, 4.
19:56I was like, yeah, he's there.
19:58By the way, he was watching a porno.
20:01Ro, you did really well.
20:02I mean, then you found the box key straight away.
20:04You worked that out.
20:05Yeah, I opened it up, found him, gave him a porno to watch.
20:09Now, there was a fragile sticker there.
20:11What did it say on it?
20:12It said, fragile, and then in small writing,
20:15is how you may feel when you learn Tom is not in this box.
20:18Now, I suspect that was one of many clues.
20:21Were there other clues?
20:22The keys that were red had...
20:24Some had a book, some had an ear and a phone.
20:26That meant red-hearing, i.e. red-herring,
20:29as in these don't do anything relevant either.
20:30Stop it!
20:32Ro solved it within 11 minutes and 44 seconds.
20:34And Brett got me out of there in 8 minutes and 3 seconds.
20:40The way we're measuring this task is how many keys were used,
20:43and you both just used one key.
20:45The best you could possibly do.
20:46All right, add time.
20:47If you're holding any captives under lock and key,
20:49now would be a great time to let them out.
20:50See you soon.
21:03Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster,
21:05where we're watching comedians do the unthinkable
21:07and release the virus known as Tom Cashman out into the world.
21:10That's right.
21:11Our contestants are trying to free me from a box,
21:13but first they have to find me.
21:14Next up, they love freedom, but can they free Tom?
21:16It's Anissa and Celia.
21:18The locks look red from here.
21:20I'm going to try a red ear.
21:21Hi, Anissa.
21:22Hi.
21:23I'm stuck in a box.
21:24Oh, no.
21:26I just opened a lock.
21:27That's good news.
21:28That's great news.
21:30Yeah, okay.
21:31I think the red keys is the guy.
21:33I'm coming to save you in about 1 hour and 30 minutes.
21:37Ah-ha-dee, gotcha.
21:39Hello.
21:39Oh!
21:40What the hell?
21:41Are you up there?
21:42Where are you?
21:43Are you not in there, you trickster?
21:45Tom, where are you?
21:47I'm in the box.
21:48You're not in the box.
21:49Is there clues in this box?
21:51All the information you need is in the task.
21:52God damn it.
21:54Damn it!
21:55Of course there's another box.
21:57Surely.
21:59Surely he can't fit in there.
22:01I know you're close.
22:02Where are you?
22:04There's no box.
22:05There is no box.
22:07I don't think there's anything in there.
22:09The van is boxless.
22:11Tom!
22:13When I find you, I'm going to bash you, Tom.
22:17Do you have your phone with you?
22:19Yeah.
22:20All right, I'm calling you on WhatsApp.
22:22I bloody tapped this thing.
22:24You absolute...
22:26She...
22:27I tapped this, Tom.
22:28Ah!
22:30Ah!
22:31Ah!
22:31Ah!
22:31Ah!
22:31Shut up!
22:32Oh, my God.
22:33You both think you were stuck in there for so long?
22:36You just ripped the lock off.
22:39Where are you, bro?
22:43Maybe I'm missing something.
22:46Why are you making me exercise, Tom?
22:53I don't know where you get paid, but it's not enough to be in that tiny coffin box for that
22:58long.
22:59Well, you're welcome, Tom.
23:01Can I go get some snacks?
23:02I'm hungry.
23:05I don't even care about Tom like that.
23:18You're free, my guy.
23:19Do you even want to get out?
23:21I'm okay.
23:22I feel like I've searched for you everywhere.
23:24Not quite.
23:27Oopsie.
23:28They wouldn't lock you on the ground.
23:29They wouldn't do that.
23:30I'm going to bash you, Tom.
23:32Why?
23:34Sorry, may I say that again?
23:36Why would you bash me?
23:37You're right here!
23:38I said they wouldn't bury you underground.
23:40I overestimated their morality.
23:42That was my bad.
23:45Oh!
23:48That's frustratingly annoying.
23:53Oh.
23:54Hi, Nisa.
23:55You sweet boy, I'm sorry.
23:58That's crazy.
24:06So, Nisa, when you were walking around with the speaker, I thought of some weird kind of Tom Hanks Wilson
24:11relationship that you'd formed, which is a reference to a film you've never seen.
24:17And I spoke to you for hours.
24:20And I spoke to you for hours.
24:20Well, it felt like hours.
24:21Has she not suffered enough, Tom?
24:25Hours she had to talk to him?
24:27So long!
24:28I took it for so long.
24:31Sorry.
24:32Do you want a hug?
24:33Oh, my God!
24:36And I'm mad because I didn't know Bougans were good at stuff.
24:38But now I'm like, at the end of the world, I need a bogan.
24:46Celia, how did you come to find him?
24:48Can I just say, I hated that so much.
24:50That broke me.
24:51That made it look like it was not a very long time.
24:53But I felt like that went on and on.
24:55And then I thought I should call him.
24:57And then it was very awkward because I realized I don't have your number because we are not friends.
25:01And then it just really, really upset me.
25:05And then eventually I found him, which is where I got the superhuman strength to rip that concrete thing out
25:09of the ground.
25:09Because I was livid.
25:11Yeah.
25:11Did you damage the box?
25:13I burnt it afterwards.
25:14I was furious.
25:15I'm going to ask you again.
25:16Think very carefully.
25:18Did you damage the box?
25:21No.
25:21No, just the padlock, really.
25:23Just the padlock.
25:24Are you all helping her?
25:25She didn't do anything.
25:26Well, what am I going to do at this point?
25:27As a group?
25:27No.
25:28All right.
25:28So what?
25:29You're the jury now and I'm the judge.
25:30She's been doing everything through enough.
25:31So your return to verdict, all of you, you have decided that she has not damaged the box?
25:34Yes.
25:35I would say she damaged the lock, but not the box.
25:37See, what you've done is you've tried to rip us apart, but we have become a community.
25:40Yeah.
25:41Well done.
25:45Five against two.
25:47Five against two.
25:48You know what you've done?
25:49You've coalesced into one giant idiot.
25:52Yeah!
25:53Yeah!
25:54Thanks, Tom.
25:55Okay.
25:56Well, I'm happy to count that.
25:57Okay.
25:57How many keys are we looking at?
25:59Well, I'll tell you the times first.
26:00So Celia lost...
26:01I asked for keys!
26:03Celia lasted two full weather condition changes and took 50 minutes and 35 seconds.
26:09That's all right.
26:10That's pretty good.
26:11Celia used 14 keys and then didn't even need one.
26:13She just ripped the flint off the ground.
26:15Anissa took a frustratingly annoying one hour and 53 minutes and 59 seconds.
26:20So it felt like hours because it was hours.
26:24You're so mean.
26:25You talked to me for two hours, blabbing.
26:28So he was trapped in a box for an hour and 50 and you think he's mean?
26:32You just happily munched on snacks for ages while he was trapped.
26:38So Anissa tried 24 keys in total.
26:41So that's 14 for Celia, 24 for me.
26:44We heard the 24.
26:46Okay, now we've got one left and I just can't wait.
26:51Last up, is he all about the mainstream or does he have time for someone like me who's a bit
26:55underground?
26:56It's Joel Creasy.
26:58You could be in here a long time.
27:01Is this really dumb?
27:02Is it only the red keys that work?
27:04I reckon...
27:05f***ing red keys!
27:07Got it completely under control.
27:09Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
27:12Hello?
27:17Are you kidding me?
27:18He's not even in there!
27:20Release Tom from the box.
27:21Is there another box?
27:22Tom?
27:23Oh, this is ridiculous.
27:25All the information you need is in the top.
27:26It's not though.
27:27I reckon you made a typo.
27:29Do I want you to like release like a CD single called Tom from the box?
27:33Are you in there?
27:35No.
27:35My brain's not working.
27:38I've looked around the...
27:41I've looked around the garden.
27:43Would you suggest Tom that I like go look in the house?
27:47All the information you need is in the box.
27:51Where did you say that from?
27:53Say it again.
27:54Hello, I'm Tom.
27:56I think I'm going crazy.
27:58Say hello, I'm Tom again.
28:00Hello, I'm Tom.
28:01Oh, that...
28:02Are you...
28:05Are you kidding me?
28:06Are you in there?
28:08I hate this so much.
28:10How are you...
28:11Release Tom from the box.
28:15I reckon you're inside.
28:17Just on a microphone.
28:23God.
28:24Tom?
28:25Yeah?
28:25Ray?
28:26I'm in the box.
28:27Has anyone just left before?
28:31Please don't leave me in the box.
28:32I might have to.
28:33And some would say it's your fault.
28:35Release Tom from the box.
28:39Tom?
28:40Yeah?
28:40Hi.
28:41I...
28:41I'm...
28:42I don't know what to do.
28:43I'm missing something that's probably going to be so obvious to everyone and everyone's
28:46going to call me an idiot.
28:48I'll probably cry.
28:49At this point I prefer to...
28:50I'm just going to be getting out of here.
28:52I'm forfeiting.
28:54You're forfeiting?
28:55Yeah.
28:56Thanks, Joel.
28:58You're going to appear now?
28:59No.
29:00Does that mean you stay in the box?
29:02I guess.
29:03Okay, bye.
29:04Bye, Joel.
29:15So, your logic's not ridiculous.
29:17There was a speaker in one box, so did you just think there was a speaker in the plinth
29:20as well?
29:21Yeah, I just assumed that was another speaker.
29:22And then you just thought you had to go and find Tom with a microphone somewhere?
29:25Yeah, I thought he was in a box.
29:27Quite literally.
29:28Okay.
29:28Just like the sign on the box, I too am fragile at this point.
29:35Anyway, he forfeited.
29:37As we know, that's minus one.
29:39Yep.
29:39Am I negative points now?
29:41You're, for this episode, currently on zero.
29:44Yeah, so you went all the way up to one, and now you're all the way back down to zero.
29:49Heartless.
29:52So, just so you know, Joel took one hour and 11 minutes and 43 seconds.
29:57Am I Joel?
30:00Is that me?
30:01Yes, Joel, you are Joel.
30:04I'm having a mental break.
30:06You've unravelled.
30:06I've unravelled.
30:07I'm having a menti B on national television.
30:10Here it is, world.
30:11You're welcome.
30:12Alright, so what were the scores for the task overall?
30:14So we got minus one to Joel.
30:15We got two points to Anissa, using 24 keys.
30:18Celia used 14 keys, so she gets three points.
30:20And then Rove and Brett both only used one.
30:23Did they get five points apiece?
30:24Okay.
30:26Let's see another task, Lesser Tom.
30:28We all have that one that got away.
30:30For example, I missed out on the perfect park yesterday.
30:33A scary bird was perched right next to it.
30:35I had to loop the block and was late to my assertiveness class.
30:54Greetings, old friend.
30:56Hi, Rove.
30:57This for me?
30:58Yeah.
30:58Oh, that's terrifying.
31:00Ooh, looks dangerous.
31:06Show the one that got away what they missed out on.
31:09This is my task.
31:10Most shown what was missed out on wins.
31:15You have 30 minutes.
31:17Your time starts now.
31:21Like a fish?
31:23My initial instinct is exes.
31:26I love going through men's phones.
31:29What?
31:30I think they dodged a bullet.
31:32First tongue kiss.
31:34All I remember about him is he had one earring and we called him pirate guy.
31:37I was like, what's your Netflix password?
31:39An idiot had the same password for everything.
31:41So I'd been in his phone for about two years.
31:44How do you reflect on that now?
31:45I think I'm a clever little bitch.
31:47It took me a while to grow into my nose, Tom.
31:50So until I was like 16, I couldn't really breathe through my nose.
31:52So making out was like a life or death situation for me.
31:55Jobs I haven't got.
31:57I auditioned to be the voice of Daffy Duck.
32:00I didn't get that job.
32:01Could I hear your Daffy?
32:03You're despicable.
32:04One, I can breathe through my nose now.
32:06So we're going to show that.
32:08And two, I'm going to be a pirate lady.
32:10I'm going to show what that fish missed out on.
32:19So it's pretty simple.
32:20You just have to show the one that got away what they missed out on.
32:22Yeah.
32:23That's pretty much it.
32:23Make them a bit jealous.
32:24Alright, who's first?
32:25Kicking us off, it's Joel Creasy.
32:27Oh my God, is he still in that box?
32:33Tom?
32:37Can I ever see him again?
32:41I'm having PTSD seeing the box.
32:44Tom?
32:46Hi Joel.
32:48Okay, I've now started another task, but I haven't finished this task.
32:52Okay.
32:53You've got 25 minutes and 54 seconds left.
32:55Do you have any ideas?
32:57Well, you're the one that got away.
32:59I haven't moved.
33:01What did I miss out on?
33:02A banana?
33:03I'm going to make you a beautiful banana surprise.
33:07Wow, thank you.
33:09Look at this.
33:10I'm going to use this task as part of your banana surprise.
33:14Are you still in that box as well?
33:15All the information you need is in the previous task.
33:18I know!
33:21I'm going to threaten them.
33:23Like I've done all my boyfriends.
33:25He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.
33:28Banana surprise around the edge for him.
33:31That bloody task can go.
33:34I'm there.
33:35To really show what I do to my victims.
33:41I'm quite happy with that.
33:47Oh, mate.
33:51On Taskmaster we love it when a task bleeds into another task.
33:55Okay, so Tom Cashman was the one that got away.
33:58And what did you make him a banana treat?
33:59A banana surprise.
34:00Banana surprise.
34:01At this point I was having a panic attack.
34:04And I saw the two big bananas on either side of the plinth.
34:08So I panicked and said the words banana surprise and committed to it.
34:13What I'm looking for is the most shown or the best shown?
34:16Most shown.
34:17What was missed out on wins.
34:19Oh.
34:19Well you missed out.
34:20I missed out on a banana surprise.
34:21And you got to see the banana surprise.
34:23Yeah.
34:23Did you like the look of it?
34:24It looked disgusting.
34:25Okay.
34:27So what am I now?
34:28Negative 14 or something?
34:30Don't, don't get ahead of yourself.
34:32I can't, can I?
34:34I keep going backwards.
34:41How long were you in the box at this stage for?
34:43Do you know?
34:44I mean that was like half an hour later.
34:46There's set up times between each task.
34:48In between tasks, I had a nap.
34:53So did I.
34:56Alright.
34:58Time for some ads.
34:59Come back soon to see who's going to win a bucket that Celia Pakwola's been salting herself in.
35:15Welcome back to Taskmaster.
35:17Bring us up to speed, Lesser Tom.
35:19Our contestants are trying to show the one that got away what they missed out on.
35:22Most shown what was missed out on wins.
35:25Up next, proving herself to a guy with an earring who she patched once.
35:28It's Celia Pakwola.
35:31Arr, man.
35:35Jeremy Trigger.
35:37You've got three minutes and 20 seconds left.
35:39Oh shit, are you serious?
35:40Oh my god, okay.
35:45Don't you?
35:46Don't you?
35:46I think I might need glasses.
35:48What's that third word?
35:50Don't you pray your girlfriend?
35:53Don't you wish your girlfriend was pirate like me?
35:57I'll never swab your deck.
35:59What?
35:59The wench that got away.
36:01And that's you, presumably.
36:03And you're breathing through your nose this whole time?
36:05Mm-hmm.
36:06Are you missing me?
36:08That's a question.
36:09You missed out on this pirate boot bootie.
36:13Oh shit.
36:14We'd hate to get that pirate bootie wet.
36:16Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
36:18He's going to be spewing.
36:19Do you think that maybe he was wearing one earring because he was like a cool Melbourne
36:23guy, not because he was a pirate?
36:24Probably.
36:25But, you know, nickname stick, Tom.
36:27You wear one earring, you've got to expect something like this is going to happen.
36:31Being a pirate is exhausting.
36:38Do you think you showed pirate guy what he was missing out on Celia?
36:42Sure.
36:43Check out these working nasal cavities.
36:45That's right.
36:46I have a theory.
36:48Yeah?
36:48I reckon you never kissed that guy.
36:49And the fact that you lied about it is why your nose was so big.
36:55No, I know that's not true because I have a terrible memory but this is a very specific
36:59memory because it was the first tongue kiss and I was like, I don't think it's meant to
37:03drip.
37:05It was gross.
37:06It was a real sloppy, a slobbery time.
37:10You'll find out when you kiss.
37:13Let's see another one, Cashman.
37:15Settling a score with none other than a Looney Tune voiceover casting process.
37:19It's Rovan McManus.
37:27How are you, medical practitioner?
37:29You stupid rabbit!
37:31What are you doing out?
37:32Don't you know it's rabbit season?
37:34Duck season.
37:35Rabbit season!
37:37Duck season.
37:38Rabbit season!
37:40Rabbit season!
37:40Rabbit season.
37:41Duck season!
37:42Fire!
37:49You're despicable!
37:52That's all, folks!
37:57Are you using this show as an audition tape?
38:00I've won in my heart at this point, Tom.
38:02That was a dream come true.
38:03Did you even know that Tom Cashman had the voiceover skills that he had?
38:07No, I was very impressed.
38:08I hope he gets an audition as well and gets cast.
38:11I reckon you look pretty hot in that rabbit costume.
38:16Who cares?
38:20Who's next?
38:21Taking aim at X's, one of the many characters in her old boyfriend's password, it's Anissa Nandola.
38:28Anissa's been using someone else's Netflix account for years.
38:32Yeah, I'm a leech.
38:34Could've been yours.
38:36Anissa has 40k worth of debt.
38:38Yeah, I'm broke.
38:40Could've been yours.
38:41Anissa has six side hers on the roster.
38:44Fully.
38:45Maybe.
38:47Could've been you.
38:50Anissa's breaking into a guy's house cause he won't text back.
38:53You can't hide from me.
38:55This is what you're missing out on.
38:58Anissa could've been yours.
39:05So Anissa, I suspect you were being self-deprecating.
39:09Yeah.
39:10The way I interpreted it is what someone missed out on didn't necessarily have to be positive.
39:15You could've missed out on a bad thing.
39:17What'd you spend two years in this guy's phone?
39:19All of his passwords were his first name, his last name 123.
39:24Yeah.
39:25Yeah, he's asking for it.
39:26That is an extraordinarily weak password.
39:29He's an idiot, right?
39:30I had to do it to teach him a lesson.
39:33I was a Nigerian scammer.
39:38All right, if you've been waiting for the right time to text your ex and try to rekindle
39:42the flame of love, now's your chance.
39:44We'll be back after these ads.
39:56Welcome back to Taskmaster Letter Tom.
39:59Why are we watching a bunch of sad comedians revisit what could've been?
40:02Because they're trying to show the one that got away what they missed out on.
40:05Taking the task very literally and targeting a fish he failed to catch once,
40:09it's Brett Blake.
40:52Why didn't you grab the hook?
40:54I thought you loved me.
40:57Are you seeing other fishermen?
41:03Why didn't you want to be with me?
41:11And scene.
41:12Wow.
41:13So you took this one very literally, you saw a hawk, you thought the one that got away,
41:17a fish, and so you showed that fish what it missed out on.
41:20Yeah, essentially throughout that I got to root a fish on TV.
41:24I know.
41:25I think it was...
41:25Cop that Rex Hunt!
41:27I thought it was great, I couldn't tell where you ended and the fish began.
41:32All right, so one to Joel, that's pretty easy.
41:35Because I checked with you, you were the one that got away and you hated what he had done.
41:38Yeah, it looks gross.
41:39So that was an easy one.
41:40Two to Anissa.
41:42Okay.
41:42Because I'm not sure that that was a good thing to show.
41:48You don't need to maintain eye contact.
41:52All right, I'm going to give Celia three points.
41:54Okay.
41:54Because I kind of feel like that pirate guy would feel a little bit jealous but not heaps.
41:58I'm going to give four points to Roe because that job could be yours soon.
42:02Well, thank you, Tom.
42:03But five points to Brett Blake because...
42:07What?!
42:07What?!
42:08It was just amazing.
42:09Okay, so what does that do to the episode scores?
42:12Joel is on one.
42:14But Brett's in the lead with 19 points.
42:18All right, contestants, we're at the business end now.
42:20Please head to the stage for your live task.
42:27Who's reading the task?
42:28Joel.
42:29At this point, I'm not sure if I can even read.
42:32While swearing your goggles, toss your pikelet...
42:35Yum!
42:37..onto the stage closest to your teammate's pikelet.
42:42Your tosses must be in response to a statement you will hear before throwing.
42:47Both teammates must toss within three seconds of hearing the statement
42:51and may not give any clues of where they are tossing.
42:55There will be four rounds each.
42:57Most rounds won wins.
43:00I read it.
43:01Can someone explain it to me?
43:03You're basically trying to predict what the other person thinks.
43:06So your answer has to match.
43:08Joel and Celia, please step up.
43:10I haven't thrown a pikelet for years.
43:13Okay, it's okay to eat food that's fallen on the floor
43:17if you pick it up fast enough.
43:19Three, two, one, throw!
43:21I know exactly what Celia's thinking.
43:24You do a stand-up bit about that, Celia!
43:29The team of two, get ready.
43:32That's cheating.
43:34Question.
43:35It doesn't really matter how you stack a dishwasher.
43:37Three, two, one, throw!
43:39Aww!
43:41That was not at the same time.
43:43I forgot!
43:44I forgot!
43:45Get out!
43:46That is a disqualification for the team of two.
43:49Strongly disagree.
43:50Round one goes to the team of three.
43:53It's time for round two.
43:54Brett and Joel, you should introduce yourself
43:57to the person sitting next to you on a plane.
44:00Three, two, one, throw!
44:03Oh, come on!
44:06You're disqualified for two reasons.
44:08One, the pikelet went off the end.
44:10Two, you didn't throw at the same time.
44:11Sit back down.
44:13Also, for three reasons.
44:15You said, I don't know how to throw that far.
44:17Suggesting where you were about to throw it.
44:19Sit on the bench.
44:22LAUGHTER
44:22Please take your pikelets.
44:25Three, two, one, throw.
44:27That's it.
44:27Three, two, one, throw.
44:29LAUGHTER
44:30That's still good.
44:31A cruise ship holiday sounds lovely.
44:34Three, two, one, throw!
44:37Ooh!
44:38The team of two win round two.
44:40Yeah!
44:40That was pretty good!
44:42Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do!
44:44Do-do-do-do-do!
44:45OK, we've got to have a break
44:46so you can go and get a pikelet yourself.
44:48See you soon.
44:49LAUGHTER
45:00OK, put down the pikelet.
45:02Who have you got next?
45:04We're in the middle of a pikelet throwing opinion-based game
45:07and it's one point apiece.
45:08Can I please ask Celia and Brett to step up?
45:10Woo!
45:10Come on!
45:11Come on!
45:16Motorsports isn't sport because the driver is sitting down.
45:20Three, two...
45:21LAUGHTER
45:24RIP!
45:27RIP!
45:28RIP!
45:30RIP!
45:31RIP!
45:35RIP!
45:36The team of three are disqualified this round.
45:39Rove and Anissa, please step up.
45:41Western Australia is a top two state.
45:44Three, two, one...
45:46Throw!
45:50That'll do.
45:54What?
45:55You're just kind of celebrating not getting disqualified, aren't you?
45:59It's the final round.
46:02It's normal to kiss your parents on the lips.
46:05Three, two, one...
46:07Throw!
46:07Who's the final round?
46:09Different times!
46:11Clearly different time!
46:12Yes!
46:13Yes!
46:14Different times, clearly different times.
46:16That was different, Terrell.
46:18That was the same Terrell.
46:19But they're all with the same thing!
46:21I went back!
46:22the team of three are disqualified for this round we're looking for pop or pop
46:30up but not pop pop it's exactly what my doctor said last week okay are we ready
46:38yes sir you can bags a parking spot by standing there if it's your sister's
46:42birthday and you've ordered a fairy floss cart and the fairy floss cart is
46:44running 15 minutes late and there are no other parks three two one throw
47:02all right we're close to the end just come on down here so we can score this
47:05bastard
47:11okay so Lessa Tom in the live task did anyone get any points at all just just to
47:18be clear that task was designed to learn a little bit about our contestants on
47:21controversial topics perhaps ignite some fun debate at home instead it became
47:24who can throw a pikelet on go the distances were completely irrelevant as one team
47:30was disqualified every single round not one person mused on any of the topics the
47:36drive show won one round they take one point and breakfast show they got three
47:40rounds they get three points eight oh so who's won our episode like I think we go
47:49to that side in terms of the episode it's a record score for an episode for all of
48:00english-speaking taskmaster joel it's a record low two points
48:11rove had 15 and a big win for brett blake with 20 points
48:18congratulations to brett please head up to the stage to collect your five most beautiful damp things
48:27but what have we learned we were disgustingly taught by brett what doggy style with a fishy
48:33partner looks like and it took some time but the lesson that tom was in the box was learned by
48:39all the
48:40competitors who are still in the competition after a massive victory good on you once more to our winner brett
48:52it's good
48:53it's so good
48:55why the caviar
48:58oh yeah the caviar
49:00i've never had this
49:03no
49:09oh my god
49:16hail trump the taskmaster
49:19oh that was bad
49:20this was like having a bogan toddler i swear to god
49:23come on come on come on
49:26joel do you feel like a winner i did until i signed on to the show
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