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  • 9 hours ago
Dont Panic Chaps 1959
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00:00:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:43CastingWords
00:01:15CastingWords
00:01:28CastingWords
00:01:36THE END
00:02:01So much for the annihilation of Rommel in North Africa.
00:02:05Now, to strike at what I call the soft underbelly of Europe.
00:02:16The overall strategy of the Supreme Command is becoming increasingly clear.
00:02:20My guess is that we shall invade either here or here.
00:02:25Well, how about Sicily, sir?
00:02:27Really, Sergeant, Sicily has no military importance whatsoever.
00:02:30I just thought...
00:02:31Don't, Sergeant.
00:02:33Leave the thinking to the professional soldier.
00:02:35Yes, sir.
00:02:36Now, if, as I strongly suspect, Monty decides to strike here through the Adriatic,
00:02:41the task which you are about to undertake will play a vital part in the important success of the operation.
00:02:47If we'll all just gather round the map.
00:02:52Now, what I'm about to tell you is top secret.
00:02:55Absolutely top secret.
00:02:57Understood?
00:02:59Yes, sir.
00:03:01These islands are virtually uninhabited.
00:03:04One or two were supply bases for U-boats,
00:03:06but intelligence assures us that they've been evacuated.
00:03:09Now, your job will be to set up an observation post on this one.
00:03:14Yes, sir.
00:03:15To observe what, sir?
00:03:17When we invade, there'll be a considerable increase in enemy activity.
00:03:20You will report all air and shipping movements which take place during the 24 hours preceding the attack
00:03:25and the 24 hours following it.
00:03:28Any questions?
00:03:29Sir, sir, supposing Monty doesn't go into Italy your way?
00:03:35Well, in such an event, your efforts won't be wasted.
00:03:37You'll form part of a cover plan.
00:03:39Is there a code name for this operation, sir?
00:03:40Well, the overall operation will be known as Plantagenet.
00:03:43There may be other units such as yours, Planty, in these islands.
00:03:47Your particular unit will be known as Force X.
00:03:51Force X, yes, sir.
00:04:19Sergeant Bolder.
00:04:20Sir.
00:04:23Where did they find a fellow like Finch?
00:04:26It's a bit of a BF, isn't it, sir?
00:04:27That's putting him mildly.
00:04:29Tell him to come in.
00:04:30Yes, sir.
00:04:31Finch!
00:04:32Sergeant.
00:04:35I say, Ackers, look after this for me, will you, please?
00:04:40A survey of prehistoric Persian pottery.
00:04:44He's mentally sick.
00:04:48Look here, Finch, I can't pass this letter.
00:04:50Why not, sir?
00:04:51I hope I haven't said anything I shouldn't.
00:04:52You've only told the headmaster of your blasted prep school where we're going.
00:04:55Oh, you can trust Dr. Wentworth implicitly, sir.
00:04:57He won't tell anybody else.
00:04:58Besides, I didn't actually name the place.
00:05:01Wrapping it up in a lot of jargon about ancient Greece doesn't fool anybody.
00:05:04Do you want it all to get killed?
00:05:05Oh, no, sir.
00:05:06Burn this.
00:05:07Yes, sir.
00:05:07Why, I'm sorry, sir.
00:05:08I didn't realize.
00:05:09You see, the head and I are interested in archaeology.
00:05:11I dare say.
00:05:12And I'm interested in security.
00:05:14Write the thing again.
00:05:15And one more boob like this and you're on a charge.
00:05:17Yes, sir.
00:05:17Sorry, sir.
00:05:18Won't happen again, sir.
00:05:20I'm frightfully sorry, sir.
00:05:22It's all right, though.
00:05:23I don't think your mother's picture's damaged.
00:05:25That is not my mother.
00:05:26It's my fiancée.
00:05:27Oh, really, sir?
00:05:28I thought, seeing as she was a captain...
00:05:29Oh, get out!
00:05:30Yes, sir.
00:05:32And to think that parents entrust their children at their most formative age to an ass like that.
00:05:42Thanks, Akers.
00:05:44Really?
00:05:45What's the trouble this time, sir?
00:05:47Akroyd.
00:05:47Same as usual.
00:05:48Nothing but sex.
00:05:49He never seems to think about anything else.
00:05:52Send him in.
00:05:52Yes, sir.
00:05:55Akroyd!
00:06:00Really?
00:06:08Akroyd, this letter.
00:06:09Well, it's nothing sensible in it, is there, sir?
00:06:11Well, not in the military sense, no.
00:06:13Well, what's the matter with it, then?
00:06:14Well, I mean, must you be quite so blatant?
00:06:16It's identical to that dreadful one you wrote last week.
00:06:18Oh, that was to a different girl, sir.
00:06:21Well, I know it's none of my business, Akroyd.
00:06:24If I wrote that sort of thing to my fiancée, I...
00:06:26Well, I don't know what you'd say.
00:06:28Well, if you could have a try, sir, I mean, you've got nothing to lose, have you?
00:06:30On the contrary, Akroyd, I have a great deal to lose.
00:06:33When I was posted overseas, I promised Margaret, that is my fiancée,
00:06:37that I do nothing beastly, and I shall stick by that.
00:06:39Well, sir, I'd do the same, sir, if I had a fiancée like yours.
00:06:43You would?
00:06:46That'll be all, Akroyd.
00:06:50You'd think that whoever selected this unit was trying to palm off every dozen of the regiment.
00:06:53Yes, sir.
00:07:04Right.
00:07:05Theirs or ours?
00:07:06Theirs, son.
00:07:08No, no.
00:07:09Ours.
00:07:10No, no, no.
00:07:11Theirs.
00:07:13I think.
00:07:14No good thinking.
00:07:15Can't be certain.
00:07:17One of ours.
00:07:18I don't think so, sir.
00:07:20The shape of the funnel suggests a Bremen-class transport.
00:07:26Are you sure, Sergeant?
00:07:29Hey, Akroyd.
00:07:32Akroyd.
00:07:33Sir.
00:07:35Is that a Bremen-class transport?
00:07:37Yes, sir.
00:07:38Thought it was.
00:07:42Yeah.
00:07:42Well, we'll try another one now.
00:07:44Akroyd?
00:07:44Are you smoking?
00:07:46No, sir.
00:07:47Oh, yes, sir.
00:07:49Oh, well, I thought it might add a bit of realism, sir.
00:07:51You know, smoke from the funnel, like.
00:07:54Put that cigarette out.
00:07:56Yes, sir.
00:07:57Right.
00:07:58Now we'll try submarines.
00:08:02Theirs or ours?
00:08:03Ours, sir.
00:08:04Right.
00:08:08Carry on.
00:08:09Yes, sir.
00:08:12Morning, Brom.
00:08:13Morning, sir.
00:08:14How are things coming along?
00:08:15Oh, fine, sir.
00:08:16Fine.
00:08:16Well, this is Lieutenant Babington.
00:08:17Oh, how'd you do, Babington?
00:08:18Very good.
00:08:19Babington's number one on the submarine that'll be taking you on your little jaunt to you-know-where.
00:08:23Oh, good so.
00:08:24He's kindly consented to give you a few tips on launching your dinghy.
00:08:26That's right, isn't it, Le...
00:08:31A little idea of mine.
00:08:32Ship recognition made easy.
00:08:34You're hardly likely to encounter a Japanese submarine in these waters.
00:08:39Ackroyd.
00:08:40Yes, sir?
00:08:41What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:08:43What you told me to do, sir?
00:08:45Well, use your loaf.
00:08:46That's a Jap sub.
00:08:47Well, you issued it, sir.
00:08:49Oh.
00:08:50Well, you'll have to excuse us, sir.
00:08:51We're rather new at this game.
00:08:53Well, come on.
00:08:54We'd better get down to the training pool.
00:08:55The lieutenant can only spare half an hour.
00:08:56Yeah, bring all your equipment.
00:08:57All our equipment?
00:08:58Well, of course.
00:08:59You're not going to invade in your bathing trunks.
00:09:01Oh, yes, sir.
00:09:01Yes, of course, sir.
00:09:10All set to have a go, sir.
00:09:11Right.
00:09:11Carry on, Babington, will you?
00:09:13Well, here's the drill.
00:09:14You'll have exactly 60 seconds to get out of the forehead hatch,
00:09:17inflate your dinghy, launch it, and climb aboard.
00:09:20As if we're doing it in the dark, you'll need to be well rehearsed.
00:09:22Fair enough.
00:09:23Right.
00:09:23Well, let's have a shot at it.
00:09:24I'll time you.
00:09:25Ready, Brum?
00:09:26Yes, sir.
00:09:27Right.
00:09:27Go.
00:09:28Inflate dinghy.
00:09:35When you're ready, Lieutenant Brown.
00:09:40I'm so sorry, sir.
00:09:41Be more careful next time, Finch.
00:09:44That's right.
00:09:44The sea will be a lot deeper where you're going.
00:09:51Ready, sir.
00:09:51Launch, dinghy.
00:10:01It's a good idea to make fast before you climb aboard.
00:10:07Make fast!
00:10:12It'll be at least a week before this locker man is loud getting wet.
00:10:16Now, come on, chaps.
00:10:17We've been rehearsing this for three weeks.
00:10:19Let's try and break the record.
00:10:20Ackroyd.
00:10:21Sergeant Boulder.
00:10:22Launch, dinghy.
00:10:24Bench.
00:10:25WT.
00:10:29Weapons.
00:10:35Ammo.
00:10:39Right, Finch.
00:10:40In you go.
00:10:41How long, sir?
00:10:4258 seconds, including inflation.
00:10:45Right.
00:10:45Here I come.
00:10:48Well done.
00:10:49Now we try it on the water.
00:10:51Come on.
00:11:03I need you chaps hungry.
00:11:05Oh.
00:11:06Didn't know they were there.
00:11:07Hmm.
00:11:08Oh, now.
00:11:09I thought you'd like to see where we're dropping you off tomorrow.
00:11:13Now, um, there's your island there.
00:11:17We'll surface here at approximately 0200 hours.
00:11:20And I want you ready five minutes before then.
00:11:22Right.
00:11:23We'll pick you up in exactly 48 hours' time.
00:11:26So when you're ready, flash your Aldis lamp three times,
00:11:28and we'll acknowledge as soon as we see it.
00:11:30All right?
00:11:32Are you, uh, cold?
00:11:34Oh, a bit.
00:11:35It's a responsibility, you know.
00:11:37I should, uh, have a drink of that tea.
00:11:39It might make you feel better.
00:11:42Oh, rub.
00:11:43Hmm.
00:11:45With the compliments and the Navy.
00:12:00Don't stink it.
00:12:09Make fast.
00:12:10Oh.
00:12:11Come on, you chaps.
00:12:12Put a jerk into it.
00:12:13We don't want to be here all night.
00:12:15Come on, chaps.
00:12:16Let's show the Navy what we can do.
00:12:17Ready for the equipment, sir.
00:12:19Right.
00:12:27Finch, help me know the W.T.
00:12:29Right, sir.
00:12:30Ow!
00:12:31What's the matter?
00:12:31I caught my little finger, sir.
00:12:33Can't you pongo's make less bloody noise?
00:12:35There's a war on.
00:12:36Sorry.
00:12:37Quiet, chaps.
00:12:40Yes, sir, Lord.
00:12:42In you go, Finch.
00:12:45Here I come.
00:12:51Good luck.
00:12:54Who's got the paddles?
00:12:55You have, haven't you, sir?
00:12:56Oh, Lord, I've forgotten them.
00:12:57Blimey, what are we going to do now?
00:12:59Paddle with your hands and be quick about it or we'll get such thunder.
00:13:01Come on, come on.
00:13:02In, out, in, out, in.
00:13:05I say, sir, sir, you should be still be tied to the submarine.
00:13:09Cut the painter, you idiot.
00:13:10Oh, yes, of course.
00:13:11Not you, sir.
00:13:12Finch.
00:13:20Oh, that was a near thing.
00:13:22Sorry, chaps.
00:13:23How'd you like a drink, sir?
00:13:24Steady your nerves.
00:13:28Mmm, rum.
00:13:29Where'd you get this acroint?
00:13:31Compliments of the Navy, sir.
00:13:32Really acroint.
00:13:33Still, as it's here.
00:13:35Shall we get cracking?
00:13:36Yes.
00:13:37I reckon we're about a quarter of a mile offshore.
00:13:39Shouldn't take us more than about a half an hour.
00:13:41All right, get paddling.
00:13:43In, out, in, out.
00:13:47Well, we can't go on like this.
00:13:48We're getting nowhere.
00:13:49No, sir.
00:13:50Well, it's a good job there ain't no Germans about.
00:13:52We'd have been knocked off hours ago.
00:13:55I say, sir, sir, wouldn't it be a good idea if we swam ashore, sir?
00:13:59Well, I suppose it would.
00:14:01Only I can't swim.
00:14:02If we three go over the side, sir, we could tow you in.
00:14:05All right, you two, get your boots off.
00:14:06I've anticipated you, sergeant.
00:14:08I've got mine off already.
00:14:09I'm actually rather a keen swimmer.
00:14:11I once nearly...
00:14:12All right, well, over you go, then.
00:14:13Very good, sergeant.
00:14:24I'm frightfully sorry, sir.
00:14:25It's not as deep as I thought.
00:14:27Are we going to wade it ashore a long time ago?
00:14:29If someone had took a sand in.
00:14:31Oh, thank you.
00:14:42Well, it's not going to be much fun lugging our equipment up that lot.
00:14:46Still, it's got to be done.
00:14:47You two unload the dinghy.
00:14:48The sergeant, I'll make a recce.
00:14:50Yes, sir.
00:14:51And go easy with the WT.
00:14:52Yes, sir.
00:14:57He's a regular little Montgomery, ain't he?
00:14:59You think he's been in the army ten years instead of ten minutes?
00:15:02Oh, I don't know.
00:15:03I think he's doing rather well, considering it's his first invasion.
00:15:06Well, I hope Monty does better with his.
00:15:12Oh, careful!
00:15:14What's the matter, mate?
00:15:15You're dropping on your plates?
00:15:16I stubbed my toe.
00:15:18It's extremely painful.
00:15:19Well, he said to be careful with the WT, so watch it, mate.
00:15:21Oh, I'm doing my best.
00:15:23And would you mind not calling me mate?
00:15:25My name's Eric.
00:15:27Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, Eric.
00:15:28I'll manage that on me own.
00:15:30You drag the dinghy up and hide it behind them rocks.
00:15:47Well, this seems the best way to the top.
00:15:49Do you think we can get our equipment up?
00:15:52We'll manage.
00:15:56Come on, Eric, hurry up.
00:16:00I say, Akers, look what I found.
00:16:03You mind it, Dungolf Bank?
00:16:05Oh, don't be an ass.
00:16:06It's probably 2,000 years old.
00:16:09Yes.
00:16:10Greco-Roman.
00:16:12Second or third century B.C.
00:16:14Undoubtedly used for some domestic purpose.
00:16:16Kept under the bed very likely.
00:16:19All right, don't worry about that now.
00:16:20Let's get the dinghy emptied.
00:16:38Looks like intelligence were right.
00:16:40The place is completely deserted.
00:16:41I think we ought to make sure, sir.
00:16:42It's quite a big island.
00:16:43First things first, Sergeant.
00:16:45We'll find a suitable place for our observation,
00:16:47post and set up a watch.
00:16:48After that, we'll make another recce.
00:16:49Very well, sir.
00:16:50And get the men.
00:16:51Yes, sir.
00:17:04Back up with the chief, Inch.
00:17:05It won't be long, sir.
00:17:08Any contact yet, Sergeant?
00:17:09Something's coming through, sir.
00:17:11Hold on.
00:17:12I think I've got Radio Cairo.
00:17:17Anything wrong?
00:17:18No, sir.
00:17:18Rather good news, really.
00:17:19It sounds as if the Allies have invaded Sicily.
00:17:21Good heavens.
00:17:22Then we've been sent here on a wild goose chase.
00:17:24Now, I don't want to hear that kind of talk, Aykroyd.
00:17:26You heard what Major Mortimer said.
00:17:27The invasion of Sicily is probably a diversion anyway.
00:17:29The main thrust may yet come through here.
00:17:31In which case, our task will be all the more important.
00:17:38All right.
00:17:39Thought I have for five minutes.
00:17:40Phew.
00:17:41What a dump.
00:17:43No wonder everyone's scarpered.
00:17:45It's lucky we're not going to be here long, sir.
00:17:47There doesn't seem to be any fresh water.
00:17:48Well, I hope Finch will go easy with what we've got.
00:17:51What's he supposed to be cooking?
00:17:52He said he was rather good on soup, sir.
00:17:54Oops.
00:17:54Listen, if he's good on anything, I'll kiss my Aunt Nellie's.
00:18:01What do you make of that, Sergeant?
00:18:02Sounded like someone shouting in a foreign language to me.
00:18:05Probably wants to know the time.
00:18:10Get down, you fool.
00:18:11Do you want to be shot?
00:18:12Hey, it's all right, sir.
00:18:13Take a butcher's hook.
00:18:19It's that idiot Finch.
00:18:21And I told him not to leave the post.
00:18:22Well, let's face it, sir.
00:18:23If there are any Germans on this side of the island,
00:18:24they'd have known about us by now.
00:18:26Yeah, well, I'm afraid you're right, Sergeant.
00:18:28Well, I suppose the best thing we can do
00:18:29is to remain at our observation post
00:18:30until we're picked up tomorrow night.
00:18:33That doesn't mean reduce our vigilance, Ackroyd.
00:18:35Um, no, sir.
00:18:36Right.
00:18:41Soup's up!
00:18:45Oh, hello, sir.
00:18:46I've been looking for you everywhere.
00:18:47Soup's up.
00:18:47You indescribable clot.
00:18:49Haven't you learned anything since you were in the army?
00:18:53I was only doing my best, sir.
00:19:06No sign of them yet.
00:19:09They're over two hours late.
00:19:11Anything come through yet, Sergeant?
00:19:12No, sir.
00:19:13Flash the orders again, Ackroyd.
00:19:20Sir, what happens if the Navy doesn't arrive?
00:19:22We'll have to wait till they do.
00:19:24Well, if you ask me, we're up to our neck.
00:19:26Well, nobody did ask you.
00:19:27It's a pity we can't give them a call on the WT, sir.
00:19:29Now, you know our order, Sergeant.
00:19:31We only need to break WT's silence
00:19:32when reporting enemy movements.
00:19:34Yes, sir, but...
00:19:34You'll have to leave that to my judgment.
00:19:35In the meantime, let's be patient.
00:19:37Try again, Ackroyd.
00:19:59Oh, 800 hours, sir.
00:20:00No sign of anything.
00:20:02I've just been listening to the news.
00:20:03There's no doubt the main offensive is through Sicily.
00:20:05I expect in the excitement,
00:20:06they've forgotten all about us.
00:20:08Oh, I sincerely hope not.
00:20:10Better wake up the other two.
00:20:12Yes, sir.
00:20:13Ackroyd.
00:20:15Ackroyd!
00:20:15Come on.
00:20:16Pinch.
00:20:17Pinch!
00:20:18Wake up.
00:20:18Come on.
00:20:20You'd better get some breakfast going, Ackroyd.
00:20:22Go easy with the water.
00:20:24Yes, sir.
00:20:25I'll make the tea with rum, if you like, sir.
00:20:27In that case, sir,
00:20:28could I go and have a wash and brush up?
00:20:30Yeah, but don't be too long about it.
00:20:32Right, sir.
00:20:34We'll have to start looking around for some food shortly, sir.
00:20:36Our rations won't last more than a day.
00:20:38What if there's anything to shoot?
00:20:39There's plenty of fish in the sea, sir.
00:20:41Well, that's a good idea, Ackroyd.
00:20:43Pity you didn't mention that to Finch.
00:20:44Finch?
00:20:45He couldn't catch anything.
00:20:46Not even a cold.
00:21:04Good morning.
00:21:06God, you didn't mention that to Finch.
00:21:33I say, that's German.
00:21:33Sir! Sir!
00:21:37Sergeant! Sergeant!
00:21:39Sir!
00:21:41Sir!
00:21:43Sergeant!
00:21:43Can't you stop Finch from always bellowing at the top of his voice?
00:21:47Sir!
00:21:48Well, what is it? Can't he wait till you get dressed?
00:21:50Sir, I've seen a German, sir.
00:21:52A German? Are you sure?
00:21:53Quite sure, sir. I heard him speak, sir.
00:21:55What, did you attack him?
00:21:56Oh, no, sir. I couldn't, sir. He hadn't any clothes on.
00:21:58Well, did he attack you?
00:21:59No, sir. I hadn't any clothes on either, sir.
00:22:01Blimey, what a war.
00:22:02The battle of the sunbavers.
00:22:04If there's one, there must be others.
00:22:05Well, come on. We'd better find them before they find us.
00:22:06Yes, come on, sir.
00:22:07And Finch!
00:22:08Yes, sir?
00:22:08Will you please get properly dressed?
00:22:10Oh, yes. Oh, sorry, sir.
00:22:24Come on.
00:22:45Finch!
00:22:46Yes, sir?
00:22:47Sorry, sir.
00:22:48Are you sure you saw a German?
00:22:49Yes, sir. Quite sure, sir. I'm frightfully sorry, sir.
00:23:05It's a monastery, sir.
00:23:09It's a monastery, sir. Early Byzantine.
00:23:12Good gracious.
00:23:13What is it, sir?
00:23:14Look up on the right-hand wall.
00:23:20Pants and socks.
00:23:22And I'll bet they're not early Byzantine, either.
00:23:24You think that's the German HQ, sir?
00:23:25Yes, and they're probably out looking for us.
00:23:28Oh, dear.
00:23:28I hope there ain't many of them.
00:23:30There can't be many.
00:23:31Whatever they're number, we've got to shift them.
00:23:33There's no alternative.
00:23:34We lay out for the rest of the day and get some rest.
00:23:36We attack after dark.
00:23:37Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
00:23:52There's a light showing they're not expecting us all sent.
00:23:54Yes, sir.
00:23:54Right.
00:23:55Ackroyd.
00:23:55Sir.
00:23:55You stay here and give cover and don't hesitate to fire if necessary.
00:23:58Yes, sir.
00:23:58Finch.
00:23:58Yes, sir.
00:23:59There's a door straight ahead.
00:24:00You make for it.
00:24:01And when I give the order, open it.
00:24:02Yes, sir.
00:24:02I'll go in first with the tummy gun.
00:24:04You next sergeant, then Finch.
00:24:05Understood?
00:24:05Yes, sir.
00:24:06Right.
00:24:06Good luck.
00:24:07Come on, let's go.
00:24:08Finch.
00:24:09Yes, sir.
00:24:32Ow!
00:24:32Be quiet, you crud.
00:24:35I'm sorry, sir.
00:24:37I caught my foot.
00:24:38Go on.
00:24:50Sorry, sir.
00:24:51I caught the other one.
00:24:52Go on.
00:24:53The door.
00:24:54Oh, dear.
00:24:55I caught the other one, sir.
00:25:11I caught the other one.
00:25:13Go on, sir!
00:25:17Go on, sir!
00:25:20Bastards!
00:25:21Jam.
00:25:21Doesn't seem to be anyone at home, sir.
00:25:23Or maybe it's a trick. Stand up.
00:25:46Sir?
00:25:49I suppose that couldn't be a white flag, could it, sir?
00:25:52It could be, I suppose.
00:25:54It is a white flag.
00:25:57Good evening, gentlemen.
00:25:59Allow me to introduce myself.
00:26:02Hauptmann... I beg your pardon.
00:26:04Captain Eduard von Kreisling at your service.
00:26:07Hands up!
00:26:08Oh, come now, Lieutenant. There's no need for dramatics.
00:26:12Hands up or I shoot!
00:26:13Shoot an officer who's shown the white flag?
00:26:16Surely that's not cricket.
00:26:19I'll see what he's got to say for himself. Perhaps he wants to surrender.
00:26:22I presume he wants to surrender.
00:26:24How many men have you got?
00:26:25The same number as you have. Three.
00:26:28Now, may I ask you a question?
00:26:30Certainly not. You're my prisoner.
00:26:32On the contrary, we are having a parley under the white flag.
00:26:36Oh, well. What is it?
00:26:38Perhaps your other man, the one outside, would care to join us?
00:26:44What do you think, Sergeant?
00:26:45I suppose it's all right.
00:26:47Finch, can I cry?
00:26:48Yes, Sergeant.
00:26:48Excuse me.
00:26:55Schmidt!
00:26:57Fear beer, bitte!
00:26:58Sir, that is a secret passage leading to the vaults below.
00:27:04Most of the old monasteries have at least one of them.
00:27:10Sorry, sir, I caught my...
00:27:12Here's Akers, sir.
00:27:16Cor, have we one already?
00:27:21Won't you sit down, gentlemen?
00:27:29Do you smoke?
00:27:34No, thank you.
00:27:36Ah, gentlemen.
00:27:37Let me introduce Herman Schmidt, our cook.
00:27:49I say, have you got a fizzy lemonade, please?
00:27:52Yeah, yeah.
00:27:53Cheerio.
00:27:59Now, isn't this better than lying dead outside?
00:28:03You're rather...
00:28:04What do you mean?
00:28:04We could have picked you off any time we wished.
00:28:07However, I am a peaceful man and do not care for unnecessary bloodshed.
00:28:12Now, to business.
00:28:13Let me tell you my position.
00:28:15I was posted to this island 18 months ago
00:28:18to take charge of a U-boat supply depot
00:28:21which is located beneath this monastery.
00:28:24However, I receive no orders,
00:28:26no communication from anyone for the past nine months.
00:28:30A situation which I find most agreeable
00:28:32and which I hope will continue until the war is over.
00:28:35You mean they've forgotten all about you?
00:28:37Precisely.
00:28:38In the confusion of modern war,
00:28:40it often happens to a small unit such as ours.
00:28:44Well, we haven't been forgotten.
00:28:45Yeah, and we haven't been picked up yet, neither.
00:28:48Until you are, there are two courses open to us,
00:28:51either to fight it out
00:28:53and having unlimited food and ammunition,
00:28:56we are bound to win.
00:28:58Or we can settle down and live harmoniously
00:29:01until either your side or mine arrives on the scene.
00:29:05What an outrageous suggestion!
00:29:07We fight it out!
00:29:08Don't be too hasty, Lieutenant.
00:29:10Think it over.
00:29:11It seems to me a thoroughly logical and intelligent scheme.
00:29:15If you think we're going to hobnob with a bunch of Germans,
00:29:17it was merely a suggestion.
00:29:19We don't want to be killed any more than you do.
00:29:24Perhaps you'd like to talk it over amongst yourselves.
00:29:27And shall we declare an amnesty for, say, 24 hours?
00:29:33Take it that none of us is in a hurry to die?
00:29:35It's a preposterous idea.
00:29:38Not worth considering.
00:29:40Oh, why not, sir?
00:29:42Because a soldier just doesn't do that sort of thing.
00:29:45Oh, I wouldn't say that, sir.
00:29:46During Alexander's march to the Red Sea...
00:29:48I meant a British soldier.
00:29:5224 hours, then.
00:29:55Very well. Can't do any harm, I suppose.
00:29:5824 hours, then.
00:30:00But no monkey business.
00:30:01Otherwise, the whole thing's off.
00:30:03You have my word.
00:30:05I presume that I have yours.
00:30:07Until 11.30 tomorrow night, then, gentlemen.
00:30:40You think the Navy will turn up, Sergeant?
00:30:42I don't see why not.
00:30:43And what'll we do if they've done?
00:30:44Fight, of course.
00:30:45A fat lot of good that'll do us.
00:30:47Look, I don't see any point in all getting knocked off...
00:30:49...when we can come to a nice, friendly arrangement, like.
00:30:52Do you, sir?
00:30:53Well, naturally not.
00:30:55Now, looky, Ackroyd.
00:30:55I don't want that kind of talking.
00:30:56Put that cigar away!
00:30:58May I say something, sir?
00:31:00Well, what is it, Finch?
00:31:01Well, I've been thinking, sir.
00:31:02If they've been forgotten for nine months...
00:31:04...and we've only been forgotten for 22 hours...
00:31:06...then our Navy's bound to turn up before theirs.
00:31:09Yeah.
00:31:10And then they'd be our prisoners and Bob's your uncle.
00:31:12Wouldn't they, sir?
00:31:15Yeah.
00:31:15There's something in that.
00:31:17What do you think, Sergeant?
00:31:19You know what I think, sir.
00:31:21I want no part of it.
00:31:23Yeah.
00:31:24I see what you mean.
00:31:35Well, I've made up my mind, Sergeant.
00:31:37I'm breaking W.T. silence and asking for instructions.
00:31:40The set's packed up.
00:31:41What's wrong with it?
00:31:42I think it's one of the valves.
00:31:44It must have had some sort of a knock.
00:31:45Oh, my goodness.
00:31:45I hope not.
00:31:46We haven't got any spares.
00:31:48I know what it is.
00:31:49It sabotages those blasted Germans.
00:31:51All that talk of a truce.
00:31:52Ah, it isn't that so.
00:31:53It's been working all right till now.
00:31:54Well, then it's that damn fool Finch.
00:31:56Where is he?
00:31:57Trying to catch our breakfast.
00:32:03Wait.
00:32:04I'll get the hat.
00:32:09Oh, it's a bit small, isn't it?
00:32:10Listen, the sardines bent in a tadpole, mate.
00:32:12Good morning, gentlemen.
00:32:13Oh, good morning, sir.
00:32:15Um, we...
00:32:16What's the matter?
00:32:17Are you trying to win the Iron Cross?
00:32:18What else could I say?
00:32:20Nothing, Clot.
00:32:21Come on.
00:32:26If you're looking for fish, you won't find them there.
00:32:30Could we ask him where we will?
00:32:32He won't tell us.
00:32:33We could try.
00:32:34Where is the best place?
00:32:36Mine here?
00:32:38That is the secret for the moment.
00:32:41But one thing I can tell you, grilled, they're delicious.
00:32:47Grilled?
00:32:47They're delicious.
00:32:48I'd like to grill him, both sides.
00:32:53He's got it.
00:32:56Damn.
00:32:57Now we're left to fight without communications, about a hundred rounds of ammo and no supplies.
00:33:01Don't worry, sir.
00:33:01We'll do our best.
00:33:03You're right, Sergeant.
00:33:05You mustn't give in.
00:33:07Ah.
00:33:08Did you catch anything?
00:33:09How would you like them, sir?
00:33:11Filleted or all our mason?
00:33:12Oh.
00:33:13They're a bit small, aren't they?
00:33:14The German officer said we were fishing in the wrong place, sir.
00:33:16You haven't been talking to him?
00:33:18Um, no, not exactly, sir.
00:33:19He, um...
00:33:20He talked to us.
00:33:21Oh.
00:33:21Well, it's no good cooking those things.
00:33:23Come on.
00:33:23We must find ourselves some food and some fresh water.
00:33:25There's bound to be a well in the monastery, sir.
00:33:27Yes, and I dare say we'll find pussy at the bottom of it.
00:33:49I don't like the look of that machine gun.
00:33:51Neither do I.
00:33:52But I'm more concerned at the moment of finding out where to get that water.
00:33:55Yeah, and having a drink of it.
00:34:08Yes.
00:34:09Well, we won't send much chance against that gun.
00:34:11Probably got others as well.
00:34:14Mind you, British soldiers have overcome greater odds than these.
00:34:16Yeah, but the whole thing makes no sense to me.
00:34:18Either we kill them or they kill us.
00:34:20It makes no difference.
00:34:22Shut up, Ackroyd.
00:34:22I've had enough of your defeatist talk.
00:34:24It's not defeatist.
00:34:25It's using your loaf.
00:34:27Look, we play ball till the Navy gets back.
00:34:29We live to fight till another day.
00:34:30Why?
00:34:30That should suit you.
00:34:32What do you think, sir?
00:34:33Well, if I thought they'd be doing anything to help the German war effort, I wouldn't even
00:34:37consider the matter.
00:34:38But they're not.
00:34:39It doesn't matter if the Germans were alive or dead.
00:34:42What do you think, Sergeant?
00:34:43A soldier's duty is to fight.
00:34:45Ours is not the reason why.
00:34:47Ours is but to do or die.
00:34:48Shakespeare.
00:34:49No, no.
00:34:50Lord Tennyson.
00:34:51Oh, yeah.
00:34:51I wish sometimes he'd discuss situations like this in October.
00:34:54I'm sure there are many historical precedents, sir.
00:34:57During the Peninsula War, they did no fighting in the winter at all.
00:34:59What's that got to do with it?
00:35:02Well, nothing, really.
00:35:04It was just a matter of expediency.
00:35:07Expediency?
00:35:08That's it.
00:35:09I'll play that German officer at his own game.
00:35:11I fancy I'm just as clever as he is.
00:35:14Yes, yes, of course you are, sir.
00:35:16Well, that settles it.
00:35:17We'll box clever till the Navy arrives.
00:35:19Agreed?
00:35:19Agreed.
00:35:20Rather.
00:35:20Right.
00:35:21Follow me.
00:35:25Well, it looks like we're beginning our dinner after all.
00:35:42Ah, Lieutenant.
00:35:44Good morning.
00:35:45You have reached a decision?
00:35:48Yes.
00:35:48I have decided to avoid unnecessary bloodshed.
00:35:52And I'm willing to discuss your proposition.
00:35:54Splendid.
00:35:55Splendid.
00:35:56But first, won't you join us at lunch?
00:35:58If you insist?
00:36:00Oh, naturally.
00:36:01If your men will join Feldbeet with Meister...
00:36:04Meister...
00:36:05To be Feld, Herr Hoppen.
00:36:06Sergeant.
00:36:07Carry on.
00:36:09Lieutenant, please.
00:36:18I am delighted that common sense has prevailed, Lieutenant.
00:36:23Between ourselves, it'll be a relief to have someone of my own intellectual standards to talk to.
00:36:27It's very nice of you to say, sir.
00:36:29El Chateau Petit Village.
00:36:31One may not like the French people, but one cannot help appreciating their wines.
00:36:43Delicous.
00:36:44Ah.
00:36:46May I help yourself?
00:36:53Come, come, Lieutenant.
00:36:54Take as much as you want.
00:36:56We have enough here to last us for years.
00:37:06Hey, look at this.
00:37:08Tin chicken.
00:37:09You're living like kings.
00:37:11Better than a naffy, eh, Sarge?
00:37:13I would like it clearly understood that I'm not in agreement with the Hoffman's arrangements.
00:37:19Neither am I.
00:37:20Well, now you've got that settled, do you mind if I salt and pepper up?
00:37:25Right.
00:37:34My goodness, that was a good lunch.
00:37:36You have an excellent cook, Hoffman.
00:37:38Oh, Schmidt isn't bad considering, but of course he has a limited repertoire.
00:37:42Perhaps tomorrow one of your men would like to try his hand.
00:37:45Oh, you like English food?
00:37:47Oh, yes, indeed.
00:37:48I learned to enjoy it at Oxford.
00:37:50I'm a Balliol man.
00:37:51Oh.
00:37:52Hmm.
00:37:53Uh, I thought this the most suitable spot to discuss our, uh, non-aggression pact.
00:37:59Oh.
00:38:02Please.
00:38:05Ah.
00:38:08Ah.
00:38:12Now, my suggestion is that our two forces do what little work there is.
00:38:17Cleaning, cooking, and so on.
00:38:19And you and I take alternate weeks as a camp commandant.
00:38:23Purely nominal duties, of course.
00:38:25Will that suit you?
00:38:26Oh, well, that seems fair enough.
00:38:28Good.
00:38:29Should the British arrive here first, we will be your prisoners.
00:38:33But should the Germans, we will be ours.
00:38:36Agreed?
00:38:38Agreed.
00:38:39Good.
00:38:41Then, till either of these unpleasant eventualities occur,
00:38:44let us enjoy the pleasures of the Adriatic.
00:38:51Agreed.
00:38:52Schmidt.
00:38:53T-Shop decking.
00:38:55Your Lord, our first favour.
00:38:58We'll do our own work.
00:38:59Ackroyd.
00:39:00Finch.
00:39:02Decent bit.
00:39:08I have been ordered by the Herr Hauptmann to provide you with accommodation.
00:39:12I've arranged it as far away from ours as possible.
00:39:14Good.
00:39:15Well, let's have a look at it.
00:39:22All the things on the table, please.
00:39:24Good day.
00:39:43I say, as we're all sort of new boys, so to speak,
00:39:46wouldn't it be a jolly good idea if we introduced ourselves?
00:39:49This is Frederick Ackroyd, and I'm Eric Finch.
00:39:53Johann Wolfgang Voss.
00:39:55Hermann Schmidt von Düsseldorf.
00:39:58I say, not THE Johann Wolfgang Voss,
00:40:01who wrote 10,000 decades before man.
00:40:03Ja, you know it.
00:40:05Ja.
00:40:05I mean, yes.
00:40:07I say, what a bit of luck, Ackers.
00:40:09Professor Voss is one of the world's most famous archaeologists.
00:40:11Oh, how perfectly spiffed.
00:40:14You are interested?
00:40:16Yes.
00:40:17I mean, ja.
00:40:18Oh.
00:40:18Yes, isn't each other of this island wonderful...
00:40:21Excuse me.
00:40:22But I have found on this island some very interesting things.
00:40:26You like to see them?
00:40:27Oh, rather.
00:40:28I say, Ackers.
00:40:29Do you think anyone would mind?
00:40:30Why should they?
00:40:31This might be the start of a beautiful friendship.
00:40:55Great Scott, a pterodactyl.
00:40:58Ja.
00:40:59I think a perfect skeleton.
00:41:01Yes.
00:41:02It's long and tedious work.
00:41:04If only I had some help.
00:41:06Oh, I'd be greatly honoured to help you, Prof.
00:41:08I've often helped Dr. Wentworth, the head in the school museum.
00:41:11I'm not very good at it, I'm afraid.
00:41:13No, that's good.
00:41:14Come, we start at once, hm?
00:41:15Oh, I say.
00:41:16In two weeks, we laid bare.
00:41:18Ja.
00:41:19Oh, how absolutely super.
00:41:22Oh, oh, oh, I'm so sorry, Professor.
00:41:25That's all right.
00:41:29Up, down.
00:41:31Up.
00:41:32Down.
00:41:33Up.
00:41:34Down.
00:41:34Up.
00:41:35Down.
00:41:36Up.
00:41:37Good morning.
00:41:38Would you care to join us?
00:41:39No, thank you.
00:41:40I'm going for a swim.
00:41:43Good morning, fellow people.
00:41:45Good morning, Hoffman.
00:41:46Up.
00:41:47Down.
00:41:48Up.
00:41:49All right, that's enough.
00:41:50Stand easy.
00:41:51A couple of words before we dismiss.
00:41:53Routine orders for the day.
00:41:55I should expect you to keep your quarters spotless
00:41:57and to give a hand with the general domestic services, etc.
00:42:00Understood?
00:42:00Yes, sir.
00:42:01As part of the peace terms, I've agreed with Hartman von Kriesling
00:42:04that we should be responsible on alternate days for the cooking arrangements.
00:42:09Would one of you care to volunteer?
00:42:12Right, Aykroyd, you're the cook.
00:42:13Oh, turn it up, sir.
00:42:15What about Finchie?
00:42:16Why should he lay in the sun all day while I cook my fingers to the bun?
00:42:19You heard what the Lieutenant said, Aykroyd.
00:42:21Listen, I can't even boil an egg.
00:42:23Well, do your best, Aykroyd.
00:42:24It's only a matter of common sense.
00:42:26Just throw a few things in the pan and see they don't burn and all that.
00:42:29All right.
00:42:30All right.
00:42:31Dismissed.
00:42:31Charming.
00:42:33Finchie, what about giving us a hand tonight?
00:42:34Sorry, Akers.
00:42:35I'm going to be busy with the professor all morning.
00:42:38I'll get cracking, Aykroyd.
00:42:49Uh, ya Kroch?
00:42:50Ah,
00:42:51Today I cook them.
00:42:52Ah, you're the cook today!
00:42:54That's good!
00:42:55With what you want,
00:42:56twentfeelkraut?
00:42:57And that's the best dishes for cooking,
00:42:59And you got Bunsen,
00:43:02Or Bash,
00:43:02or whatever you want,
00:43:04And what we didn't have here we'd have in this small house.
00:43:10Look, what we don't have here, we have in the kitchen.
00:43:14Do you know what I'm most excited about?
00:43:17If you're going to cook dinner today!
00:43:21Well, thank you very much for your interesting little talk.
00:43:24Yes, yes, yes, it's good.
00:43:26I didn't understand a bloody word of it.
00:43:41It's good.
00:45:40What is your fellow giving us, by the way?
00:45:43Oh, I didn't order anything specific.
00:45:45I rather left it to him.
00:45:55What is it, Ackroyd?
00:45:56Well, I don't know, really, sir.
00:45:58But it's a sort of Lancashire hot pot come chop suey.
00:46:02Well, don't look at it, sir.
00:46:03Eat it.
00:46:05Oh, that's enough for me.
00:46:06I won't.
00:46:20Well, I don't know.
00:46:20But it's just a bit of a cold.
00:46:24I don't know.
00:46:24I don't know.
00:46:25I don't know.
00:46:26I don't know.
00:46:26Do you know?
00:46:29I don't know.
00:46:42mmm delicious absolutely delicious golly oh this is the best curry I've tasted for years
00:46:50congratulations Ackroyd excellent oh thank you sir
00:47:02bitte schaff den Herrn Ackroyd als ein genie und er muss mir das Rezept geben
00:47:09Schmidt says that you are a genius and I agree with him I say Ackers is absolutely a wisso yeah
00:47:17looks like you're elected cook for capes well that's the last time he gets asked
00:47:28hello Ackers seen the prof no I expect he's gone down to the site I say Ackers would you like
00:47:34to see
00:47:34the professor's pterodactyl I beg your pardon certainly not you never get tired of polishing
00:47:44that gun do you sergeant no Finch you never know when it may be needed
00:47:48you never know when it may be needed
00:48:18you never know when I say you've got to know when you think about me
00:48:18your head and your head and I think you've got to know when I say you've got to know when
00:48:18I say that
00:48:38Oh
00:48:56Oh
00:49:05Get up
00:49:21This isn't getting us anywhere
00:49:24Beating you up isn't gonna make me feel any better
00:49:27We are soldiers
00:49:29It is our duty
00:49:30To fight
00:49:32To take part
00:49:33In this war
00:49:36The war's left us behind
00:49:37And there's nothing we can do about it
00:49:39We could escape
00:49:44Could we get to Greece in the dinghy
00:49:46Men have made more difficult journeys
00:49:49Yeah
00:49:50I'm prepared to have a go
00:49:51How about you?
00:49:52Yeah
00:49:53Right
00:49:54Then we'll leave as soon as possible
00:50:02I do have another glass Pomeroy
00:50:05A very rich and vibrant vintage
00:50:08Don't you think?
00:50:08You really are most fortunate with your wines
00:50:11Well naturally as missing officer
00:50:13I selected them myself
00:50:38Oh no Eric
00:50:40This is the lower breast spoon
00:50:42Really?
00:50:45Here professor
00:50:46If I had your brains
00:50:48I'd assemble a different kind of bird than that
00:50:49A nice pink one
00:50:51With lovely golden hair
00:50:52And two enormous
00:50:52Alright Ackroyd
00:50:532200 hours
00:50:54Your guard
00:51:12Come on
00:51:12Come on
00:51:12Come on
00:51:13Come on
00:51:14Come on
00:51:14Good night
00:51:15Good night
00:51:15Good night
00:51:25Give me a hand
00:51:27Come on
00:51:27Let's go
00:51:32Go
00:51:49Oh hello sir
00:51:51Going fishing
00:51:51Thought I'd chance my arm
00:51:53Jolly good sir
00:51:54Hope you catch some whoppers
00:51:55Ah, so do I.
00:51:57I say, what's that, Prof?
00:51:59I don't know yet. We have much to dig before we can tell.
00:52:01Right.
00:52:05Careful, Eric.
00:52:06I'm frightfully sorry, Prof. I got carried away.
00:52:08Digging for victory and all that.
00:52:10Oh, sorry.
00:52:17Supermon!
00:52:20Supermon!
00:52:22Fence, boss! Come quickly!
00:52:25That sounds like the CEO.
00:52:26I think he wants us. It sounds important.
00:52:29Oh, it could be important on this island.
00:52:31Please, Eric.
00:52:32Oh, sorry.
00:52:34Fence, boss! Quickly, I can't swim!
00:52:41Hang on, I'll be with you in a minute.
00:52:43Coming, coming!
00:52:51Come.
00:53:01Open, come on.
00:53:03Oh, no.
00:53:08Big boy!
00:53:10Butch!
00:53:12Agroes!
00:53:13Agroes!
00:53:14Agroes!
00:53:14Quelle!
00:53:24You can relax now, Eric.
00:53:25I say, I hope the CO isn't in a wax with us.
00:53:28I think I'd better go and see what he wanted.
00:53:30I'll say we didn't hear him.
00:53:31Then how would you know that he wanted us?
00:53:34Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
00:54:12Good gracious, the CO's caught a woman.
00:54:31I say, are you all right?
00:54:33Oh, sir, how do you do?
00:54:35My name's Eric Finch.
00:54:36This is Professor Voss.
00:54:37Can I help you?
00:54:40Ah, Frotnisch.
00:54:42Hennigy did Behiltry's sign.
00:54:44She doesn't seem to speak English or German, sir.
00:54:46Oh?
00:54:55I think she's some sort of a Slav, sir.
00:54:57Okay, I don't understand.
00:54:58No, we don't do that at Botany House, sir.
00:55:02Um, parlez-vous Francais?
00:55:07Parlo un po' l'Italiano.
00:55:10Oh, really?
00:55:11I tie, sir.
00:55:12Um, cosi, ti, eh, eh, eh, suceso.
00:55:18What happened to you?
00:55:22Fui anegata nella tempesta.
00:55:25Sono stanca, morta, ed ho fame.
00:55:27Good gracious.
00:55:29What did she say?
00:55:30Something about being sort of shipwrecked, sir.
00:55:32Uh, and she's sort of hungry.
00:55:34Why, I didn't say so before.
00:55:35Just take the monastery right away and, uh, get these wet clothes off her.
00:55:39I say, steady, sir.
00:55:40Oh, I don't know what I mean.
00:55:41Excuse me.
00:55:44Don't worry, sir.
00:55:45Back for you in a jiff.
00:55:55If I was you, I'd stick a few dried prunes in that stew.
00:55:58Make a nice change.
00:55:59I say, Ackers, quickly.
00:56:00The Haltman wants some hot coffee immediately.
00:56:01Now, what's the matter with him?
00:56:03It's only half past nine and already he wants his elevenses.
00:56:11Coffee won't be a moment, sir.
00:56:13Um, il cafe pronto una minute.
00:56:16So don't worry.
00:56:18Oh, hello, sir.
00:56:19Still feeling dicky?
00:56:20Well, you're a fine lot, I must say.
00:56:24There was I.
00:56:28I say, uh, though we have met before, we've, uh, not been properly introduced.
00:56:34Uh, my name is Lieutenant Brown.
00:56:35She doesn't understand a word you say, Palmaroy.
00:56:37She's a Slav.
00:56:38Oh, that's a pity.
00:56:39I must do something about her.
00:56:40Make some arrangements for her.
00:56:42Find her somewhere to sleep.
00:56:43Oh, well, she can come into my room.
00:56:45I mean, I'll move in with you.
00:56:47Certainly not.
00:56:48Most inconvenient.
00:56:49Both of us, I mean.
00:56:50All right.
00:56:51Um, where's Sergeant Bolter?
00:56:52Yeah, I don't know, sir.
00:56:53He seems to have disappeared.
00:56:54I think he and Sergeant Meister must have gone on a fishing expedition.
00:56:58Oh.
00:56:58Well, well, then I suggest that, um, we put this young lady into Bolter's room
00:57:02and then Bolter can move in with you, Finch.
00:57:04Yes, sir.
00:57:04Is that all right with you, Edward?
00:57:05Very well.
00:57:06But she must take things quietly for the next 24 hours.
00:57:09Tomorrow she should be fully recovered, I hope.
00:57:12Yes, sir, so do I.
00:57:16Crumpy!
00:57:19Crumpy!
00:57:22In view of yesterday's unexpected turn of events,
00:57:25I refer, of course, to having a female person in our midst,
00:57:29Hoffman von Crisling and myself
00:57:31have decided to enforce stringent regulations.
00:57:35One, there will be no swearing.
00:57:39Two, personnel will appear properly dressed at all times.
00:57:43Three, female quarters will be out of bounds to all ranks.
00:57:51Four, when the lady goes to the beach for ablutions,
00:57:55her privacy will be respected.
00:57:57Is that clear?
00:58:01Anything you wish to add, if I may?
00:58:07Most of us haven't seen a woman for a considerable time.
00:58:10I suggest, therefore, that we try to keep our sense of proportion.
00:58:14You will be helped in this respect by thinking constantly of your wife,
00:58:19your sweetheart, even your sister or mother.
00:58:24In this way, we can hope to give this unfortunate young woman the respect her sex deserves.
00:58:31Thank you very much, Edward.
00:58:33Admirable sentiments.
00:58:35All right, men. Dismissed.
00:58:39You know, I can't think what's happened to Bolter and Meister.
00:58:43Well, eh? Meister's the most reliable man I've got.
00:58:46What's your name, man, sweetheart?
00:58:48In any case, we have more important things to think about.
00:58:52Yes, yes, of course.
00:58:54Ah.
00:58:58Elsa.
00:58:59Oh, Elsa.
00:59:01Oh, lovely.
00:59:02Aykroyd!
00:59:03Sir?
00:59:03Haven't you any work to do?
00:59:05Well, fortunately, no, sir.
00:59:07I don't start the cooking for another hour or so yet, sir.
00:59:09I say.
00:59:11Don't you think we should tell her to button up her shirt?
00:59:13It's most disturbing to the men.
00:59:15Oh, I quite agree.
00:59:18Finch.
00:59:19Yes, sir?
00:59:23Tell her to, um, button up her shirt.
00:59:27Me, sir?
00:59:27Well, certainly.
00:59:28You're the only one who speaks her lingo.
00:59:31Oh, sir.
00:59:35Uh, l-l-l-l-l'officiale, um, uh, dice, um, i, uh, uh, b-b-b-buttoni.
00:59:43Ah, si.
00:59:47Eh, no, no, no, no.
00:59:48Uh, no, no, no, no.
00:59:48I-I-I-I-I bought an alley.
00:59:49Uh, up!
00:59:51Uh, up!
00:59:51Oh.
01:00:02your italian seems a bit rusty finch i'm sorry sir i did my best anyway she's going from bed sir
01:00:10acroyd where are you going you know my instructions oh i wasn't going onto the beach sir
01:00:13i was just going to look for something tasty for lunch sir well look in the kitchen
01:00:19yes sir come eric we go to the diggings yeah oh do we have to
01:00:26i do hope this girl isn't going to cause any trouble you needn't worry pomeroy that lovely
01:00:31fiance of yours and you're married aren't you alas unhappily now if you'll excuse me i think i'll do a
01:00:39little bird watching
01:01:09i say it's a very good example of its kind beautifully formed do you not agree i certainly
01:01:18do i say do you think it's all right to look prof
01:01:29oh eric you should be ashamed from yourself you've seen a woman before but never a fossil
01:01:36such as this oh i wasn't looking on purpose prof the fact is it's the first time i've seen a
01:01:40girl
01:01:41in the in the altogether eric there's nothing to see just pink flesh and boom boom boom best thing is
01:01:48to forget all about them and if you can't takes a cold bath yeah that's what dr wentworth told the
01:01:54chaps of botany house it just doesn't seem to work with me i know this will sound odd prof but
01:01:59you know
01:02:00you know i like girls oh eric eric eric
01:02:19ah pomeroy now do have a look i should do nothing of the sort edward hmm i think it's outrageous
01:02:26really i think it's rather charming
01:02:32i can't see anything hmm oh there
01:02:39oh
01:02:42oh i i do beg your pardon my dear fellow i i thought you were looking at something else
01:02:47come come pomeroy i hope you didn't think that i was a peeping tom well no no of course not
01:02:53naturally not my mistake
01:03:16oh
01:03:19we're not making any progress the current's dead against us what exactly are you suggesting there's
01:03:24no alternative we'll have to turn back you realize we shall be treated as deserters we took the risk
01:03:29we must take the punishment all right
01:03:49oh
01:03:50oh
01:03:51Why don't you look what you're doing?
01:03:53I'm sorry, sir.
01:03:54Isn't it time that you taught your men how to serve a meal properly?
01:03:57Well, really, there's no need to create a scene. Do remember there's a lady.
01:03:59Well, I can hardly forget that.
01:04:01With you sitting there ogling her like a lovesick schoolboy.
01:04:04Well, really. I can't say you behave any better yourself.
01:04:07An unhappy marriage is no excuse for playing footy footy underneath the table.
01:04:12Now look and see what you've done. You made the girl blub.
01:04:14I've done no such thing.
01:04:16Please accept our apologies. We have both behaved like children.
01:04:21Well, we'll do something.
01:04:23Finch.
01:04:24Yes, sir?
01:04:25Come and find out what's the matter.
01:04:27Yes, sir.
01:04:30Ask her what's worrying her.
01:04:33Così hai piccola mia.
01:04:35Danna superbe groggias a...
01:04:37Italiano silver place.
01:04:40Sono così infelice.
01:04:43Doorevo cominciare la danza al festival del vino nel nostro villaggio.
01:04:49Oh.
01:04:50Well, what's she say?
01:04:51She's unhappy, sir.
01:04:52Well, we all know that, you fool, but why?
01:04:54Well, sir, it seems she was going to be a sort of queen of the grapes at some kind of
01:04:58wine festival.
01:04:59Oh, the goddess of bacchanalia.
01:05:01She's naturally disappointed at missing it. It was to be her big moment, you see.
01:05:05Oh, I suppose these things mean a lot in a woman's life, don't they?
01:05:08Well, like being a debutante. I quite agree.
01:05:11Isn't there something we could do about it?
01:05:13How about having a party, sir? We could crown a queen of them, eh?
01:05:16Yes, we could all dress up and have a bacchanalian orgy just like from 2,000 years ago.
01:05:22Bacchanalian orgy? I say, steady, prof.
01:05:24An admirable idea, Foz. I'm sure the lieutenant would agree.
01:05:29Well, I'm 100% in favor, but how do we dress up?
01:05:32Oh, we have plenty of sheets in the storeroom, and I will volunteer to be da scato...
01:05:35How you say that? The mistress of the wardrobe.
01:05:38Sir, sir, could we have a prize for the best costume?
01:05:41Why not? If we're going to have a party, let's do it properly.
01:05:44Finch, tell her.
01:05:46Yes, sir.
01:05:47Facciamo noi un piccolo festivale speciale per te.
01:05:51Tu serai Regina.
01:05:54Oh, grazia. Grazia.
01:05:58Grazia. Grazia.
01:06:00Oh, grazia.
01:06:20Attencion!
01:06:23Attencion!
01:06:27Attencion!
01:06:32Ackroyd, the champagne.
01:06:34yes sir now boss what's the program first we crown the goddess of bacchanalia and then the
01:06:41public orator makes a speech and then and then we eat and then according to tradition that follows
01:06:48drunkenness debauchery and licentiousness of all kinds oh lovely why i don't think we had to go
01:06:55that far yes yes sir smith the craft have all her lord not
01:07:18then you'll have to be the public orator oh all right sir
01:07:23uh tonight we are oh sorry uh star sera tu ci honora uh con la tua presenza
01:07:34e siamo fiori di uh coronati regina delvino bravo finch
01:07:59oh she says thank you very much
01:08:00ah bravo
01:08:02bravo
01:08:04stasera elsa tu sei bellissima i i fiori nei tuoi capilli ti tanno bene
01:08:30here professor what about all that tradition you were talking about
01:08:33it's getting a bit uppity here isn't it can't be liven things up a bit should have been the feats
01:08:38of
01:08:38prowess the olympic games dancing dancing that's it oh excuse me sir but uh i've been approached by
01:08:47one or two of the other ranks sir to see if we couldn't have a bit of an op dancing
01:08:50like sir
01:08:51that's a wonderful idea will you start the dancing or shall i oh excuse me sir but uh the idea
01:08:57we had
01:08:58in mind sir was something a bit more communal sir oh like the paul jones oh i see well we're
01:09:03a bit
01:09:04shot of girls aren't we nevertheless put on the appropriate record yes sir finch yes sir we're
01:09:10having a paul jones would you please explain to miss elsa what happens yes sir uh paula jonesy
01:09:24see here here's a turn up for the book sir the guy gordons ah a relic of my oxford days
01:09:30i used to
01:09:31be a very keen scottish dancer were you really well so was i huh i say i suppose it's all
01:09:36right
01:09:36to do an english dance to a scottish tune dressed in a roman costume take your partners for a paul
01:09:41jones
01:09:41please here wait a minute uh professor you take over the gramophone because you're a bit not in the
01:09:47too for dancing now lady in the center and gentlemen form a circle all right boss
01:10:12come on schmitty you must have done a bit of dance shall we well if you insist
01:10:43well no point giving ourselves up tonight we'd better wait till morning
01:10:46we go now see hot money's a just man i should prefer we face him tonight we go now
01:11:18i might have known i couldn't have trusted you you may not be a gentleman lieutenant but must
01:11:23you behave like a cad don't be a blithering idiot christling i was clearly standing directly
01:11:26opposite myself when the music stopped and you deliberately bars me it so happens i was prepared
01:11:30for someone to hit below the belt uh why don't you slosh the silly twerp mr brown what did you
01:11:35call
01:11:35the halfman swineholt silly twerp anyway you keep out of this granddad or i'll pop you onto you
01:11:40blast him in the rudu you're a smut of this don't you do that to me don't you push me
01:11:47you can't pop it i say i say be careful
01:11:53look you're steady chaps look i say mind our bones mind our bones
01:12:00oh you're not a gentleman oh you're not a gentleman what is happening what is happening search me
01:12:13a french hello sarge what's up oh we were having a perfectly ripping party and now everybody's
01:12:19fighting us against them come on sarge hello boat i glad you're back yes
01:12:27what is it sounds like there's a wall light meister the door let's get outside and see what's
01:12:47happening let me get dressed properly first come on quick
01:13:03look sir a periscope
01:13:08it's a submarine all right yes but is yours or ours we'll have to wait till it surfaces to find
01:13:13out
01:13:14a tricky situation eh pomeroy yes just what i was thinking edward i mean are we your prisoners or
01:13:18you ours well what are we going to do sir i don't know we got to do something quick sir
01:13:24sir do any of
01:13:25us have to be prisoners sir if this sub's come to pick up one unit couldn't the other lie sort
01:13:30of
01:13:30doggo sir until it's gone an excellent suggestion if it's german the island will be yours you can rely
01:13:37on us to play the game and if it's british you will be taken away and we shall be in
01:13:42exactly the same
01:13:42position as we were before you arrived yeah and how do we know we can trust you really sergeant you
01:13:48must learn
01:13:49to recognize a gentleman when you beat one you agree pomeroy if we're caught obnobbing with this
01:13:55lot sir we'll all beat with a firing squad yes edward agreed oh look sir it's coming up
01:14:05well one of us is going to get back into the war yeah it's british the fortunes of war all
01:14:16right
01:14:16come on chaps prepare to embark why it's major mortimer ah decent of him to remember us isn't it well
01:14:35i hope he's got a good explanation why we're abandoned here if you've had me to the germans
01:14:39we're gonna starve to death now you know the drill the main thing is to get on that sub as
01:14:44quickly as
01:14:44possible bolter and i'll deal with a major accurate and finch get the dinghy and don't forget we're all
01:14:50in this together so keep your mouth shut right right sir right there they are good show they're still
01:15:04alive hello everything's all right the navy's here just in the nick of time hello brown my other two men
01:15:13are getting our dinghy so we can be aboard in five minutes flat sir no hurry old boy another germ
01:15:17within a hundred miles damn fine show brown i can't think how you managed to survive we'll come
01:15:22ashore for an hour or so and you can show us how you did it hello sir won't be a
01:15:26minute excellent
01:15:28for all brown excellent well done man well done indeed oh it was nothing sir it's grand to see you
01:15:35fellows in such good shape we couldn't get here earlier the navy said they were too busy well i guess
01:15:41you'd be
01:15:41all right we thought we saw light last night oh yes sir that's the monastery rhq early byzantine
01:15:48architect sure sir oh really very poor blackout arrangements where is this monastery oh it's a
01:15:56frightful place i don't think you like it at all sir no no brown it's necessary that i should see
01:16:00what you chaps have endured i have to make a full report there may be a gong in this for
01:16:05somebody
01:16:06well who's gonna lead the way oh i will sir i will sir sergeant bowler akroyd beat lana head and
01:16:13see
01:16:13that everything's all right yes sir well if you gentlemen are ready i think you'll find it a bit of
01:16:21a
01:16:21client oh i'm pretty fit well what's happened why haven't you embarked the major wants to inspect the
01:16:42monastery my god
01:16:45Take that!
01:16:46You can't do it!
01:16:48You can't do it!
01:16:48You can't do it!
01:16:50You can't do it!
01:16:50I'm not going to work!
01:16:51You can't do it!
01:16:52Stay!
01:16:53Go on, let's go!
01:17:16Well, sir, it's probably time for a breather.
01:17:18Oh, so peaceful here.
01:17:21I don't know, there was a war on.
01:17:23Anything the matter, Babington?
01:17:25Oh, no, no, no, sir, nothing at all.
01:17:26No, I thought I saw Gary there.
01:17:29Oh, but I couldn't have.
01:17:30Good heavens.
01:17:31We'd better get a move on.
01:17:33You've had a good rest.
01:17:41Look out! They're coming!
01:17:46They're coming, sergeant!
01:17:48Come on, snell, snell!
01:17:55Thank you, Aykroyd.
01:18:01God heavens, tables and chairs.
01:18:03You've made yourselves pretty comfortable, hmm?
01:18:05Yes, sir, a bit of luck.
01:18:06Deserted you at base.
01:18:08We stumbled on it quite by chance.
01:18:10Absolutely derelict.
01:18:11It's not worth looking round.
01:18:13Is it, Finch?
01:18:14What, sir?
01:18:15Not worth looking round.
01:18:16Oh, no, sir, no, not worth looking round, sir.
01:18:18The manger hole, sir.
01:18:20All the same, I'd like to.
01:18:21Wouldn't do, Babington?
01:18:22Yes, I would rather.
01:18:23Oh, if you insist.
01:18:27But there's nothing to see.
01:18:29Fortunately, there's a whirl with fresh water.
01:18:31Otherwise, things might have been a bit tricky.
01:18:40Hmm, I smell cooking.
01:18:41Very likely, sir.
01:18:42We were just preparing breakfast when the guard reported your arrival.
01:18:45Quite right.
01:18:46Naturally, we abandoned it, sir, and I'm excited to leave the island.
01:18:49Well, shall we go down, sir?
01:18:51That seems to fit it away to that food.
01:18:53Smells delicious.
01:18:54How about a quick bite?
01:18:55Oh, I, I don't think you'd like it, sir.
01:18:59Um, Ackroyd, get the Major and Lieutenant something to eat.
01:19:02An Ackroyd.
01:19:03And make it as tasty as possible.
01:19:05Yes, sir.
01:19:07Well, that shouldn't take long.
01:19:09Now, I suppose there's no oil storage in here.
01:19:13Oh, no, sir, no, nothing like that at all.
01:19:15Ah.
01:19:16Well, perhaps while we were waiting, you'd care to inspect our perimeter defences, sir?
01:19:20All right.
01:19:21All right.
01:19:27Ackroyd, you understood what the Lieutenant meant when he said tasty?
01:19:29He meant a real nasty taste.
01:19:32I know that, Sarge.
01:19:33I wasn't born yesterday.
01:19:34Here, I'll pretend I'm in the catering court.
01:19:39That's it.
01:19:40Wasn't born yesterday.
01:19:56Well, what are we for back to us today, Ackroyd?
01:19:58Well, the usual meagre fare, sir.
01:20:00I just stood up a few old bones.
01:20:02Pot-arge-a-lar-finch.
01:20:04Oh, no.
01:20:06Oh, I say, sir, that's a bit thick.
01:20:07I beg your pardon, Finch?
01:20:09Nothing, sir.
01:20:15Well, it doesn't smell quite as nice as it did.
01:20:18Still, I'm no doubt it's quite delicious.
01:20:23Just...
01:20:25No good, sir?
01:20:26Writ!
01:20:28Have you been existing on this sort of thing?
01:20:33Oh, it's not always been as good as this, sir.
01:20:35If I may say so, the sooner we get these chaps aboard and give them a good meal, the better.
01:20:39I quite agree.
01:20:45Oh!
01:20:50Oh!
01:20:51I'll get you some water, sir.
01:20:53Oh!
01:20:54Oh!
01:20:54What's the matter, boy?
01:20:55Lack of food, if you ask me.
01:20:56Huh?
01:20:58He looks tellin'.
01:20:59I'm surprised they survived at all.
01:21:00Let's go in there.
01:21:01Listen carefully.
01:21:02Please try to understand.
01:21:05You must hide.
01:21:08Um...
01:21:09Nascondere.
01:21:12Nascondere Nellie Alberry.
01:21:14You must hide in bushes.
01:21:17Yes, sir.
01:21:18Good.
01:21:18Well, I'll have to get him in the air.
01:21:20No, no, no, no.
01:21:21Elsa, no, no.
01:21:22Elsa, please hide.
01:21:23The whole thing's been a bit of a strange one.
01:21:25We'll have to get him to the MO as soon as possible.
01:21:27I don't know what came over, sir.
01:21:30Well, shall we get started?
01:21:32Steady, lad.
01:21:32Take it easy.
01:21:33You've been through a nasty experience.
01:21:34Oh, I'm all right now, sir.
01:21:36The thought of getting on that submarine has made me feel very much better.
01:21:38Come on, then.
01:21:43Yes.
01:21:44In some ways, it's been a very interesting experience, sir.
01:21:48Still, it'd be nice to get back in the war again.
01:21:51Frankly, we were brought back to reality by those two warning shots you pumped into us last night.
01:21:56We didn't find any shots last night, did we?
01:21:59No.
01:21:59You didn't?
01:22:00No, it must have been the Germans.
01:22:02Yes, must have been.
01:22:04Good heavens, we'd better get moving.
01:22:06Sergeant Boller, Ackroyd, stand by the launch of dinghy.
01:22:11Finch!
01:22:12Finch!
01:22:14Coming, sir.
01:22:18Poor fellow.
01:22:19Suffering from shell shock, if you ask me.
01:22:21Must have been through a horrible experience.
01:22:23What they all need's a good holiday.
01:22:25Come on, Finch, you'll be keeping us waiting.
01:22:27Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I had a job to do, remember?
01:22:29All right, we know your task was vital, but come on, come on.
01:22:31Yes, sir.
01:22:36Mr. Finch!
01:22:38Mr. Finch!
01:22:42Mr. Finch!
01:22:44Now, now, don't panic, chaps!
01:22:46The plague are a specimen.
01:22:48The plague are a specimen.
01:22:50And who is this person?
01:22:53Well, sir, she's, uh, uh, uh...
01:22:55Uh, she's Finch's fiancée, sir.
01:22:57Got washed up in a storm.
01:23:00Didn't think it was worth, uh, mentioning, sir.
01:23:02Yes, sir.
01:23:02What is it, Finch?
01:23:03I suppose we couldn't take her with us, could we, sir?
01:23:05Uh, well, uh...
01:23:10How about it, doctor?
01:23:12Well, I don't get ship's company in mind or two.
01:23:19Oh, excuse me.
01:23:22Oh, thank you, sir.
01:23:23Now, come on, everybody.
01:23:25Come on, in we go.
01:23:27Hold tight, Miss Elsa.
01:23:29Come on.
01:23:30Ah, that's it.
01:23:45Poor fellows.
01:23:47Still, if it had been one of ours,
01:23:49it would have meant the Russian front for us.
01:23:53I shan't it I, Hauptmann?
01:24:19That's it.
01:24:20Here.
01:24:24Now, we're all land, now.
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