FULL HOT MOVIE Two misfits embark upon an odyssey to reverse their unlucky family's misfortunes.
*
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*
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Short filmTranscript
00:01:00It was his brother, Don Twinkini.
00:01:05He is a food chief in another country.
00:01:09You always win, don't you, Freda?
00:01:11You always win.
00:01:13It was between the brothers.
00:01:15I had nothing to do with it.
00:01:18I'm going to leave you, Freda.
00:01:20I'm going to take your children, born and unborn.
00:01:26I'm not taking my children.
00:01:29You're not taking my children.
00:01:39Don't you know I could never allow it?
00:01:42That I would use everything in my power to keep that from ever happening?
00:01:48I know that you blame me for your miscarriage, for having sent you to the fat farm to lose weight,
00:01:57since I don't allow you to eat anything other than junk food.
00:02:04But I can change, Mary can.
00:02:09If history has taught us anything, everything can change.
00:02:15You don't get it, do you?
00:02:17It wasn't a miscarriage, Freda.
00:02:20It was an abortion.
00:02:21Then, an attempted abortion.
00:02:25Four twin boys, Freda.
00:02:28Two sons.
00:02:32But I've taken them and I've hidden them away from you someplace, say.
00:02:36Someplace you'll never find them.
00:02:38Where are my boys?
00:02:41Where are my boys?
00:02:42No!
00:02:49One of these days, Marilyn,
00:02:51this rocket will launch a man to the moon.
00:02:54Really?
00:02:55Ooh, Jack, can I touch your rocket?
00:02:58Sure.
00:02:59Ooh.
00:03:00Oh, Jack.
00:03:02Jack, launch me into orbit.
00:03:06Oh, my God, it's Jackie.
00:03:08If she finds you here, we're both through.
00:03:09You have to get out of here.
00:03:11Where?
00:03:12Anywhere.
00:03:12No, this way.
00:03:13Bob, I'll stop.
00:03:17Jack.
00:03:18Thank God.
00:03:19I thought you were Jackie.
00:03:21In the bedroom.
00:03:23I'm so glad to see you.
00:03:24Is everything okay?
00:03:25Oh, yes.
00:03:26I had twins.
00:03:28Two boys.
00:03:29I think they're boys.
00:03:30Are they, uh, mine?
00:03:33No, they're, uh, ten Fritos.
00:03:37Thank God.
00:03:38I mean, uh, thank God they're his.
00:03:40Healthy.
00:03:41They are healthy, aren't they?
00:03:44They have great hair.
00:03:47I just didn't know where to turn to.
00:03:50I just didn't know who to see.
00:03:55I just didn't know who to see you.
00:03:55No, no.
00:03:55I'm sorry.
00:04:00I'm sorry.
00:04:02I'm sorry.
00:04:08I'm sorry.
00:04:10No, no, no.
00:04:11If I can't help the, uh, gorgeous women whom I'm intimately involved with, with their problems,
00:04:15uh, what good am I?
00:04:17Are you sure?
00:04:18Sure, I'm sure.
00:04:20Why, um, there was this little Vietnamese girl I was seeing once.
00:04:24Uh, she had a problem with a fella back home.
00:04:26I sent in the troops.
00:04:28It'll be over like that.
00:04:32I just didn't want little Angelo and little Michael to be raised his way, the Frito way.
00:04:37So I hit them, and next thing I know, he told me he was gonna murder me if I didn't
00:04:44tell him where those kids were.
00:04:46Well, where are they?
00:04:47Well, they're with my grandparents.
00:04:49They helped with the delivery.
00:04:54Oof.
00:04:56Come on, American.
00:04:57Come on, Abusha.
00:04:59Abusha.
00:04:59Come on, American.
00:05:00Come on.
00:05:01Come on, try a little.
00:05:03Come on.
00:05:04All right.
00:05:04One more time now.
00:05:06And a one.
00:05:07And a two.
00:05:08And a three.
00:05:14Hey, it's a boy.
00:05:17It's a boy.
00:05:18I want a pichada.
00:05:19It's a beautiful pichada.
00:05:21Oh, where?
00:05:22Let's go.
00:05:23Where the Minutes?
00:05:23Where the Minutes?
00:05:25I see another head.
00:05:26Or maybe it's an ass.
00:05:27I knocked him down with.
00:05:28Oh, sure.
00:05:30Come on.
00:05:38I didn't know your grandparents were still alive.
00:05:41Somewhat.
00:05:43My grandfather, he's great.
00:05:45His name's Mazzario.
00:05:47He came from the old country.
00:05:50A real immigrant.
00:05:51That's the greatness of this country.
00:05:53He was a politician, too, you know.
00:05:56He was a great speaker.
00:05:58Hey, the United States of Antarctica.
00:06:03Land of opportunity.
00:06:06Ask not what your country can do for you,
00:06:10but ask what you can do for yourself.
00:06:15Babish.
00:06:17Not bad.
00:06:19It's not bad at all.
00:06:21Listen, here's what I want you to do.
00:06:23Michael and Angelo, they're safe with your grandparents, right?
00:06:27Yes.
00:06:28Leave them there.
00:06:29I'm going to send you away for a little while.
00:06:32There's this lovely little island paradise off the coast of Florida.
00:06:36It's called Cuba.
00:06:38You'll love it there.
00:06:40I'll take care of Don Frito.
00:06:44Jack, I am scared.
00:06:47Frito's a dangerous man.
00:06:48What if he finds me?
00:06:50What if he hurts you?
00:06:53Mary Kay, what could possibly happen to me?
00:06:56I'm the president.
00:07:19I'm the president.
00:07:21I'm the president.
00:07:22Ah!
00:07:23Mmm-hmm!
00:09:43And there's even rumors of an all-out war between the families, maybe federal intervention.
00:09:53You've got to make some small token concession.
00:09:59A billion-dollar donation to the FDA would buy us some valuable time.
00:10:09You come to my home on the day I am to be reunited with my forever lost sons.
00:10:20And you asked me to commit the ultimate sin, voluntarily giving money to the federal government.
00:10:37What's the matter with you, are you?
00:10:42Am I what?
00:10:44I can't remember the last time you came to my house for a cup of coffee.
00:10:51You don't drink coffee.
00:10:55Can I be your special friend, fairy godfather?
00:11:10Keep going.
00:11:13Up the arm.
00:11:16Oh.
00:11:17Oh.
00:11:19Oh.
00:11:20Oh.
00:11:21Oh.
00:11:22Oh.
00:11:27Finally, I can drop the manly mumble voice, this masquerade I've been leading.
00:11:34I can come out of the cupboard and say, I want to be me, I want to be me, I
00:11:42want to be me.
00:11:43Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
00:11:49It's nothing personal.
00:11:51It's strictly business.
00:12:05I, uh, drink a little more than I used to.
00:12:15Oh, my God.
00:12:44Oh.
00:13:06It seems that our associates have finally had some luck in finding your sons.
00:13:11You mean I'll finally have heirs to the Frito fortune?
00:13:17Someone to rely on?
00:13:19To manage my affairs?
00:13:22Someone that can carry on the Frito wave family tradition?
00:13:28No, but you do have two sons.
00:13:31Tell me, what are they like?
00:13:34Handsome.
00:13:36Powerful.
00:13:38Masculine men.
00:13:40The type that can walk into a room and everyone notices them.
00:13:45The type of men that, when you meet them, you can never forget them.
00:13:53Are my boys like that?
00:13:56They certainly make an impression.
00:14:06Well, my work is done here.
00:14:13That woman's crazy.
00:14:16Y'all just wait here.
00:14:17I'm going in first.
00:14:18I've got to prepare him for the experience of meeting y'all for the first time.
00:14:22I'm sure it's going to be a very emotional, trying experience for him.
00:14:26Not to mention, this man got a bad heart.
00:14:28No problem.
00:14:29We won't mention his bad heart.
00:14:31Our lips are sealed.
00:14:35Don Frito?
00:14:37My name is Luke.
00:14:40Luke.
00:14:42Luke.
00:14:45I can't tell you how long I've waited for this moment.
00:14:49How much meeting you means to me.
00:14:53You what?
00:14:53No, no, no, no.
00:14:54Please don't speak.
00:14:55Don't ever speak.
00:14:59Where was I?
00:15:00What was I saying?
00:15:01You were saying,
00:15:03Oh, I can't wait to meet this moment.
00:15:05How you, how much?
00:15:07Meeting you means to me.
00:15:10I know where I am now.
00:15:12Luke, search your heart.
00:15:15Look deep inside.
00:15:17I'm your father, Luke.
00:15:19You know it to be true.
00:15:21You don't know the power of the dark side.
00:15:25Channel your anger.
00:15:27Let it consume you with rage against the federal government.
00:15:32And together as father and son, we will rule the food universe.
00:15:39It's your destiny, my son.
00:15:43Say what?
00:15:44No, no, no, no.
00:15:45I'm not your son, man.
00:15:47What?
00:15:48I'm Luke's stair climber.
00:15:51Who?
00:15:51I'm Luke's stair climber.
00:15:54Who?
00:15:55I'm the detective hired by Hagen Doss to find your sons.
00:15:59Oh.
00:16:00Don Frito, these are your sons.
00:16:06Daddy?
00:16:08Oh.
00:16:09Daddy?
00:16:11Oh.
00:16:14Oh.
00:16:26And that was the first and last time we ever met our father.
00:16:30Just as we were getting to know him.
00:16:31He was gone with the wind.
00:16:34But even though we only knew him for a brief moment, there was a convulsion.
00:16:39Something was there between us.
00:16:40You could just feel it.
00:16:42A bondage thing.
00:16:44Anyway, that one meeting would change the course of our lives forever.
00:16:50Forever.
00:16:52And forever began at Daddy's funeral.
00:17:19He's coming.
00:17:20He's coming.
00:17:21He's coming.
00:17:22Oh, yes.
00:17:24He's coming.
00:17:25He's coming.
00:17:25He's coming.
00:17:25From the door.
00:17:26I'm a son.
00:17:27I'm a son.
00:17:28I'm a son.
00:17:29I'm a son.
00:17:29I'm not a son anymore.
00:17:32Oh, yes.
00:17:32From the streets of, feel the death beating.
00:17:36From the projects.
00:17:38That's where we came.
00:17:40Overcome our sweet temptations.
00:17:43And lie the words for name.
00:17:45That's home.
00:17:45He killed a pamphlet.
00:17:48Cleaned his up defense.
00:17:49Into the slammer.
00:17:51That's where he went.
00:17:52Woo.
00:17:53One, right.
00:17:54He loved the trade.
00:17:56He read the Bible.
00:17:58And now he's here to tell us all about it.
00:18:07We're for Chester.
00:18:09We're for Chester.
00:18:11Coming, coming to the door.
00:18:14He's coming.
00:18:15Coming.
00:18:16Oh, yes.
00:18:18Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah
00:18:21I think you know, don't you know, don't you know
00:18:25Riffen! Oh, yeah, he's coming
00:18:29To that door, oh, yeah, oh, yeah
00:18:34Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
00:18:39I'm the one I'm the one I'm the one
00:19:09thank you precious hearts
00:19:13can I get a amen
00:19:16praise the Lord
00:19:18I said praise the Lord
00:19:21hallelujah
00:19:23glory, glory, hallelujah
00:19:26walk the door
00:19:27walk the door
00:19:28take out the trash
00:19:31yeah
00:19:33and that's the reason we are here today
00:19:36quiet
00:19:37I wanna hear a pin drop
00:19:43now
00:19:46as I was attempting to say
00:19:49we are here today
00:19:51to show our
00:19:53disrespect
00:19:55our final disrespect
00:19:57to a man
00:19:59known to us all
00:20:01as Jeffrey Donald
00:20:03not the wrong funeral
00:20:05no, no, no
00:20:09no, no
00:20:10as a
00:20:11Don Frito Le Leone
00:20:14Don Frito Le Leone
00:20:20Don Frito Le Leone
00:20:20was a great
00:20:22and filthy rich man
00:20:27yes he was
00:20:29he gave freely of his colossal wealth
00:20:33to all
00:20:35those causes
00:20:37in which he truly believed
00:20:39he could buy
00:20:41but
00:20:42he died before his mission
00:20:45our mission
00:20:48was complete
00:20:49and now
00:20:52due to certain
00:20:54accounting errors
00:20:56our beloved
00:20:57second son of Mary
00:21:00needs seven million dollars
00:21:02that's a lot of money
00:21:03to keep its divine doors open
00:21:07the church needs this money
00:21:09I
00:21:11need this money
00:21:14just last night
00:21:16the Lord
00:21:18Almighty Himself
00:21:21in His infinite voice
00:21:24spoke to me
00:21:27saying
00:21:28Scheister
00:21:32Scheister
00:21:33Scheister
00:21:34Scheister
00:21:34If you don't get that money
00:21:38by noon
00:21:39next Sunday
00:21:40I will strike you dead
00:21:43I will strike you dead
00:21:51This hair looks like Don King
00:21:55one, two, three, four
00:21:57one, two, three, four
00:21:57are the freedom
00:21:58you're the freedom
00:22:00from the talent
00:22:01that's where he came
00:22:04overcame them
00:22:05gave his name
00:22:06you're the stupid name
00:22:09lady-o
00:22:10he lost his wife
00:22:11he lost his family
00:22:14he died rich
00:22:15he's the same
00:22:17big as that money
00:22:18can't take it big
00:22:20he's in the night
00:22:25you're the painter
00:22:26yes
00:22:29yes
00:22:30Dotsam
00:22:30Dotsam
00:22:31Dotsam
00:22:31Dotsam
00:22:33Dotsam
00:22:34Dotsam
00:22:34Dotsam
00:22:39Dotsam
00:22:42Dotsam
00:22:43the reason
00:22:44I called you all here today
00:22:45is for the reading
00:22:46of Don Frito Ollei Leone's
00:22:48Last Will
00:22:49Old Testament
00:22:51or New Testament
00:22:51latest testament let's hear what he has to say i hereby confess to the murders of
00:23:05i don frito le leone being of somewhat sound mind and out of shape body
00:23:12do hereby bequeath my entire junk food empire to my only known living hairs my two sons
00:23:20michael and actually no way wait however there are two conditions one the two of you cannot be
00:23:31convicted of a felony for a period of one year two you both must be married within one year
00:23:38in order to attend to bear children and carry on the family name in the event either of these
00:23:45conditions are not met my entire estate will then be bequeathed to the second son of mary
00:23:52church hallelujah amen
00:24:07ain't life grand in the whole lives we've only had each other our morals our pride our dignity
00:24:14our self-worthlessness yeah now we have 200 million dollars
00:24:21hey you don't think we'll change do you mike
00:24:25you can take a misery out of the sewer but you can never get rid of the stench
00:24:31i guess you're right you don't think daddy would be upset with us for knocking over his casket and
00:24:37getting run over by a truck do you no these things happen from time to time
00:24:42i know but i still feel guilty i mean him having to be cremated and all
00:24:46i'm sure he would have wanted to be buried here at frito lawn with the rest of his dead family
00:24:51angie put yourself in his shoes
00:24:54okay
00:25:01if your body was mangled your head decapitated massive chunks of your face missing because
00:25:07they were ground up by a truck axle would you want to be putting the ground looking like that
00:25:12next to people who know you yeah i guess you're right of course i'm right it's better this way
00:25:19look he'll be happier here amongst his family people who know him and love him for what he's done for
00:25:24us
00:25:26yeah come on let's find somewhere nice to put him somewhere comfy
00:25:33operation date bait is ready to ramble and here's the plan
00:25:37the girls come over now our two bozos will think they're doing real good with them the girls have been
00:25:41instructed to compliment them at every opportunity and laugh at all their jokes
00:25:47soon it's a little dancing a little dinner a little hanky-panky
00:25:53and then they dial 9-1-1 rape
00:25:58hasta la vista misery brothers
00:26:00hola dinero
00:26:02you sure this will work
00:26:04if you were on the jury would you honestly believe the two beautiful women would actually
00:26:08willingly have sex with these two
00:26:12i'll get your point
00:26:14i can't believe tom heggendoss offered to help his fine wives i think we have a real friend
00:26:23oh hey age you look good
00:26:26you too mike if i was a girl like your sister instead of your brother i'd date you
00:26:33thanks angie show mike
00:26:35just remember these girls aren't like the one we dated in the past
00:26:39they've got uh
00:26:42declassé
00:26:42okay
00:26:43now let's go over the basic don'ts one last time
00:26:46don't cop a feel
00:26:47never spit without a spittoon
00:26:50don't adjust the family jewels
00:26:53except me um
00:26:54and um
00:26:56um
00:26:57oh oh oh
00:26:57don't tell no tall tales
00:27:00exactly
00:27:00just don't be ourselves and everything should go real smooth
00:27:03like butter on a melon
00:27:05knock
00:27:06knock
00:27:07knock
00:27:08who's there
00:27:09it's bambi
00:27:12and fauna
00:27:13baby and fauna who
00:27:16your day
00:27:26hi
00:27:28your high beams
00:27:29oh we took a cab
00:27:40hey
00:27:48oh
00:27:50oh
00:27:52thank you
00:27:56oh
00:27:56oh
00:27:57oh
00:27:57oh
00:27:58oh
00:28:06oh
00:28:06It's so freaky.
00:28:11South Bronx.
00:28:13Last week.
00:28:15Ooh!
00:28:17Ah!
00:28:20I hope you enjoy it.
00:28:22Thanks, Quaz. Thanks.
00:28:26Nothing like fine wine and cheese.
00:28:28Yeah, nothing like it.
00:28:36I want to propose a toast.
00:28:39Just a few days ago, my brother and I were merely actors.
00:28:42Master thespians performing on this cruel stage that we call life.
00:28:46But now, due to the timely death of our father...
00:28:49Timely?
00:28:49...to who we are forever grateful.
00:28:51Forever.
00:28:53A toast to Daddy.
00:28:56Machayim!
00:29:00Sichuan!
00:29:09Mmm!
00:29:10My angel face...
00:29:13Today, the chef has prepared some real good food.
00:29:19What is it?
00:29:21I have no freaking clue. I just serve it.
00:29:24Bone appetite!
00:29:34So, how do you ladies know Tom Agendosh?
00:29:37I used to do his brother.
00:29:40And I used to do his sister.
00:29:43That's real nice, keeping it in the family and all.
00:29:45How about you two?
00:29:47I wish Strictly hetero Satanians.
00:29:49Strictly?
00:29:51Today, we have a real dessert treat.
00:29:59Quart.
00:30:00Alaska.
00:30:05Maybe later, Quasi.
00:30:07We're still chowing down our luncheon.
00:30:09It's been very, very good. Very good.
00:30:11I'm so glad you all liked it.
00:30:14Did you ever find out what it was?
00:30:15Oh, yeah. The chef said a black stallion.
00:30:20What?
00:30:22Horse meat!
00:30:23But don't worry.
00:30:25They haven't killed a horse recently or nothing.
00:30:28You see?
00:30:29There was this horse.
00:30:33They cut his head off years ago for some gangster movie.
00:30:37But they didn't want to waste the body.
00:30:39Him being a thoroughbred price horse,
00:30:41they just tossed it into the meat locker with the other sticks.
00:30:49You don't have to fall off on that!
00:30:51He ain't fattening!
00:30:54I must have weak stomach.
00:31:18The chips aren't very strong.
00:31:21They're not on.
00:31:23I got gas.
00:31:24Oh, God.
00:31:25How about some bubbly?
00:31:35I love bubble baths.
00:31:38It makes me feel so, um, bubbly.
00:31:42I love when the bubbles go up your rear end.
00:31:46Ooh.
00:31:48My little friend's getting very happy.
00:31:52Ooh.
00:31:54Can I say hello to your little friend?
00:31:59Can I say hello to your little friend?
00:32:02You want to say hello to Mr. Python?
00:32:05Oh, yes.
00:32:08You want to say hello to King Cobra?
00:32:11Yes.
00:32:20Hey, come on.
00:32:22You're going to scare snakes.
00:32:24Yeah, I think you made me go in my pants.
00:32:36Hey, hey, girls, girls, girls, girls, listen.
00:32:38Look, we're real sorry.
00:32:40We didn't mean to smoke here or nothing.
00:32:42It's just a jumbo seat or a lot of candy, see?
00:32:44Um, you can't.
00:32:46I don't know if it's a blanket or towel or something.
00:32:48Sure, no.
00:32:48No, no.
00:32:49I don't know if I'm breathing.
00:32:49We got me for you to get out.
00:32:50Hey.
00:32:51Hey, God.
00:32:55Hey, Mike.
00:32:57Look, it'sật.
00:32:58Hey.
00:33:00Hey, Mike.
00:33:08Hey!
00:33:09Hey!
00:33:11Hey!
00:33:11I still don't like support, but the doctor said they should pull through.
00:33:15I'll say a prayer for you.
00:33:18So, I may have underestimated the enemy. Big deal.
00:33:21Hitler underestimated the Russian winner, but he didn't freeze to death, did he?
00:33:25I'll give you one last chance.
00:33:27That's all the chances I'll need.
00:33:33Who are you?
00:33:36Stripped to kill.
00:33:39Stripped to kill who?
00:33:41Let me in, or it's gonna be you.
00:33:48I wonder if it's a Michelangelo.
00:33:54Whoa.
00:33:57Hello, Dolly. Hello.
00:33:59Hey, how did you know my real name?
00:34:03Call me Psychic.
00:34:06Psychic, huh?
00:34:09Well, I'm looking for Michael and Angelo Misery Leleone.
00:34:15You know him?
00:34:18Intimately.
00:34:20Hey, your sexual preference is none of my business.
00:34:23Live and let die, you know what I mean?
00:34:25I don't think you understand.
00:34:27You calling me stupid?
00:34:29Oh.
00:34:30How?
00:34:31My whole gold-diggin' life.
00:34:33Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:34:35That's all I ever heard.
00:34:37And I'm sick of it.
00:34:39Can I help it if I was blessed with the money to buy these?
00:34:43Well, can I help it?
00:34:45My brother and I are thrilled that you had the money to buy your bazookas.
00:34:49Yeah, I'd love a pair.
00:34:50Wait a minute.
00:34:53Did you say brothers?
00:34:57As in the misery brothers?
00:35:00Michael and Angelo at your service.
00:35:06Well, how do?
00:35:10How do what?
00:35:12You're so silly.
00:35:15I'm Southern Comfort.
00:35:17Your surprise welcome home present for Mr. Hagen-Dazs.
00:35:22That is so nice of him.
00:35:24You should send him a thank you card.
00:35:46What?
00:36:00Mike!
00:36:01Come on.
00:36:02Go, Mike.
00:36:33I'm not gonna get out, I'm not gonna get out.
00:36:40I'm not gonna get out, I'm not gonna get out.
00:36:51I'm not gonna get out, I'm not gonna get out.
00:37:24I'm not gonna get out, I'm not gonna get out, I'm not gonna get out.
00:37:36Hey Mike, she forgot a boom box.
00:37:46Hey, you got your boom box.
00:37:48Bye-bye.
00:37:52Bye.
00:37:53Bye-bye.
00:38:12Bye-bye.
00:38:49Bye-bye.
00:39:01Bye-bye.
00:39:04Bye-bye.
00:39:32Bye-bye.
00:39:38Bye-bye.
00:39:48Bye-bye.
00:39:59Bye-bye.
00:40:04Bye-bye.
00:40:12Bye-bye.
00:40:20Bye-bye.
00:40:23Bye-bye.
00:40:49Bye-bye.
00:40:51Bye-bye.
00:40:53Bye-bye.
00:41:06Bye-bye.
00:41:10Bye-bye.
00:41:13Bye-bye.
00:41:16Bye-bye.
00:41:34Bye-bye.
00:41:36Bye-bye.
00:41:36Bye-bye.
00:41:38Bye-bye.
00:41:40Bye-bye.
00:41:43Bye-bye.
00:41:45Bye-bye.
00:41:50Bye-bye.
00:41:53We saw a low rider that we thought was neat
00:41:56So we decided it should be ours
00:42:00Should be ours, should be ours, should be ours
00:42:02We grabbed a crowbar and a handgun too
00:42:06Out of the car, it don't belong to you
00:42:10At least not anymore
00:42:12Anymore, anymore, anymore
00:42:14So we got to the chop shop and took it all apart
00:42:18It had the potential to be a cherry car
00:42:22It just needed lots of work
00:42:24Lots of work, lots of work, lots of work
00:42:27So we rebuilt the engine and the body to
00:42:30A custom paint job that says
00:42:33It ain't no jalopy no more
00:42:36Not no more, not no more, not no more
00:42:39Now we're driving our 67 Chevy
00:42:4467 Chevy, we're cruising down the street
00:42:4967 Chevy, 67 Chevy, 67 Chevy
00:42:54Now it just can't be beat
00:42:57Ole!
00:42:59So can we borrow the car or what?
00:43:0367 Chevy, 67 Chevy, 67 Chevy
00:43:07We're cruising down the street
00:43:0967 Chevy, 67 Chevy, 67 Chevy
00:43:1467 Chevy, now it just can't be beat
00:43:1667 Chevy, 67 Chevy, 67 Chevy
00:43:2067 Chevy, 67 Chevy
00:43:21We're cruising down the street
00:43:22Hey Mike, I just realized something
00:43:24This is a 51 Ford
00:43:2951 Ford, 51 Ford, 51 Ford
00:43:3451 Ford, 51 Ford
00:43:3651 Ford, 51 Ford
00:43:3851 Ford, it just can't be beat
00:43:39Woo!
00:43:40Woo!
00:43:41Hey Edge, look at the four legs on them
00:43:44Oh yeah, look at the breasts
00:43:47Oh, and the teeth
00:43:49Woo!
00:43:52Hey, hi, girls!
00:43:58Hi!
00:43:58Hi!
00:44:02Hi!
00:44:03Hi!
00:44:03Hi!
00:44:05Hi!
00:44:06Hi!
00:44:08Hi!
00:44:08Hi!
00:44:09I don't know how to drive
00:44:10Tailgate us
00:44:11Shouldn't somebody help him?
00:44:12He could be hurt
00:44:13He landed pretty hard
00:44:15Well, even though his own situation
00:44:16Was caused completely by his own bad driving
00:44:18Completely
00:44:19I mean, we would offer to help him
00:44:21Except for one reason
00:44:22What's that?
00:44:24Liability
00:44:25If we were to go there and pull him out
00:44:27And his head would become seven
00:44:29He dows one, nine hundred, revenge
00:44:32And then it's hello ambulance chases
00:44:34Goodbye two hundred million dollars
00:44:35Excuse me, did I just hear you correctly?
00:44:38Hello ambulance chases?
00:44:40No, I think she means the second part
00:44:42Oh, goodbye two hundred million?
00:44:46Yes!
00:44:48Two hundred million, two hundred million
00:44:51Two hundred million, we're moving down the street
00:44:54Two hundred million, two hundred million
00:44:58It was the time of our lives
00:44:59My brother and I had finally found true love
00:45:02And not just with each other
00:45:04Yeah
00:45:04We were about to experience the ultimate fantasy
00:45:07A tag team wrestling match
00:45:09Refereed by our hero
00:45:11Rowdy Roddy Piper
00:45:18The stakes were high
00:45:19A winner take all match
00:45:21The men against the girls
00:45:22The prizes, two stuffed animals
00:45:24And two pinatas
00:45:26Retail value less than twenty bucks
00:45:29Yeah, but when you got two hundred million dollars
00:45:32It's the little things in life that really matter
00:45:44Oh, no
00:45:45Get him!
00:45:45Kill him!
00:45:47Kill him!
00:45:48Kill him!
00:45:50Kill him!
00:45:52Mike!
00:45:54Mike!
00:45:56Tag!
00:45:57Tag!
00:46:07Oh
00:46:32Get a mic. Come on, Mike.
00:46:34You got a mic.
00:46:39Money. Money.
00:46:41Hmm. Yes. No.
00:46:44Good, Mike.
00:46:45Money. Morals.
00:46:46Yes. It's good money.
00:46:51That's wonderful, you know.
00:46:53I love this job.
00:46:58Look, it's Brad Pitt.
00:47:00Where? Where is he?
00:47:01Right over there. Right there.
00:47:03I'm still? Where?
00:47:05Let's see.
00:47:25That referee is crooked. I have an idea.
00:47:28So, is there anything else I can do for you gentlemen like your lawn, your girlfriends, your hair?
00:47:34Why don't you get a new barber there, huh? You too, champ.
00:47:38So, you're right, Mr. Rep.
00:47:39Oh, absolutely.
00:47:41But can you help me with these bagpipes?
00:47:43That was you, huh?
00:47:45It sounded like dinner was late at the dog pond, but I'll teach you how to blow my orange.
00:47:54Uh-oh.
00:47:58Wha-haa.
00:47:59Wha-haa.
00:48:02Wha-haa.
00:48:03Wha-haa.
00:48:04Wha-haa.
00:48:05Wha-haa.
00:48:05Wha-haa.
00:48:06Wha-haa.
00:48:07Wha-haa.
00:48:07Who-haa.
00:48:09Whoa.
00:48:10Whoa.
00:48:10I remember it like it was only last week.
00:48:13It was only last week, Ainge.
00:48:16but from there
00:48:18after what had been
00:48:19the best time of our lives
00:48:21everything was about
00:48:22to turn to shit
00:48:24I'll get her
00:48:25I'll take her out
00:48:26up and at him fellas
00:48:27up and at him
00:48:37sorry wrong card
00:48:40I'm so embarrassed
00:48:41mom would kill me
00:48:43if she knew I still carried
00:48:44this picture of her
00:48:45she lost a lot of weight
00:48:46you know
00:48:46yeah her and Oprah
00:48:47you guys want to see
00:48:49no no no no
00:48:50hi
00:48:51my name is lieutenant
00:48:52Al Dente
00:48:53hi Al
00:48:54I'm Michael Misery
00:48:55that's my twin brother
00:48:56Angelo
00:48:56I'm Angelo Misery
00:48:58nice to meet you
00:49:00excuse me a moment
00:49:01sure I'll
00:49:02take your tie down
00:49:05you're absolutely
00:49:06positive
00:49:06I took the samples
00:49:07myself
00:49:08there's no question
00:49:09whatsoever
00:49:09it's a definite match
00:49:10toss it into the evidence
00:49:11and be careful
00:49:12the DA may want
00:49:14for a trial
00:49:15that is if these two
00:49:17pizza combats
00:49:18survive long enough
00:49:19in prison
00:49:19to make it to court
00:49:21I don't run down
00:49:23for nobody
00:49:23take it easy Frank
00:49:24take it easy
00:49:25take it easy
00:49:29Al
00:49:29you know what I found
00:49:31what?
00:49:32I found this pair
00:49:33of nevertheless
00:49:35boxing gloves
00:49:36over these two
00:49:37female
00:49:38corpus delecti
00:49:40all right
00:49:40all right good work
00:49:41toss it into the evidence
00:49:43yeah
00:49:46gentlemen
00:49:48we got a little problem
00:49:53says who?
00:49:55says me
00:49:55says you?
00:49:56I don't think so
00:50:00hi
00:50:02welcome to Trasham TV
00:50:03this is Debbie Seville
00:50:05and I'm Jane Plymouth
00:50:06Michael and Angelo
00:50:07Misery Leleone
00:50:08have been indicted
00:50:09on the brutal double murder
00:50:11of two gold digging prostitutes
00:50:13who worked reputedly
00:50:14for the midnight madam
00:50:15they're currently
00:50:16being held
00:50:17at maximum security
00:50:18federal buttman prison
00:50:20where
00:50:20if they can survive
00:50:22the torturous
00:50:23and inhumane treatment
00:50:24that has become
00:50:25synonymous with buttman
00:50:27they will be brought
00:50:28to trial
00:50:29first thing in the morning
00:50:30in what promises
00:50:31to be
00:50:31the real
00:50:32media circus
00:50:40it'll be a circus
00:50:41all right
00:50:41and they're the clown
00:50:45come on
00:50:45let's come in
00:50:46get on
00:50:47get on
00:50:47stand
00:50:49that's all
00:50:49come on
00:50:52okay Warren
00:50:53what do you want to do
00:50:54with these guys
00:50:54the executive
00:50:55wait
00:50:55nah
00:50:56that's when they
00:50:57be appeased
00:50:59these two
00:50:59I don't think
00:51:00anybody really cares
00:51:02he might
00:51:05hey Warren
00:51:06think she's had enough
00:51:07oh
00:51:10give her three weeks
00:51:11she'll crack
00:51:12they all crack
00:51:13then they cry
00:51:23hey knock it off
00:51:25you two
00:51:25you're almost home
00:51:26yeah home sweet home
00:51:28you don't mean an air
00:51:30this guy looks
00:51:31hungrier than
00:51:32Jeffrey Dahmer
00:51:32he had him for lunch
00:51:34and had him
00:51:34electric for dessert
00:51:35now
00:51:36you two
00:51:37I got something
00:51:38really special
00:51:39for you
00:51:40you don't mean
00:51:42the dryer
00:51:46the dryer
00:51:48come on
00:51:50yeah this place
00:51:51isn't so big
00:51:51you have to
00:51:52rinse for me
00:51:54you two boys
00:51:55ready to confess
00:51:57you a priest
00:51:58part time
00:52:07I don't feel so good
00:52:08yeah I'm feeling
00:52:09kind of blue
00:52:13you got the blues
00:52:27they got the misery blues
00:52:29and they had them all their lives
00:52:31all their lives
00:52:32all their lives
00:52:33they got the misery blues
00:52:35and they're filled with grief and strife
00:52:37grief and strife
00:52:38grief and strife
00:52:39born miserable
00:52:41miserable
00:52:41they'll stay
00:52:42being miseries
00:52:44it's the only way
00:52:45they got the misery blues
00:52:47and they had them every day
00:52:49every day
00:52:50the blues
00:52:52they got the misery blues
00:52:57all their blues
00:52:58they got the misery blues
00:53:03they smile at a picture
00:53:05and they'd be so subjective
00:53:06cause disaster will come
00:53:08to anyone who comes their way
00:53:13thrown in jail for a crime
00:53:15they didn't commit
00:53:16that's what they say
00:53:18that's what they say
00:53:19innocence or guilt
00:53:20frankly I don't give
00:53:22no give a shit
00:53:22no give a shit
00:53:23no give a shit
00:53:24no give a shit
00:53:25all I care is that a crime is done
00:53:28it makes the surprise
00:53:29looks like you're the ones
00:53:31now you're in the slander
00:53:32and sure as hell you're gonna stay
00:53:35come to stay
00:53:35come to stay
00:53:37oh the blues
00:53:38they got the misery blues
00:53:40ooh
00:53:42ooh
00:53:43yeah the blues
00:53:44they got the misery blues
00:53:46ooh
00:53:47ooh
00:53:49it's not at a picture
00:53:50in the neck
00:53:51it's addicting
00:53:52cause disaster will come
00:53:54to anyone who comes their way
00:53:56ooh
00:53:58ooh
00:53:59yeah the blues
00:54:11ooh
00:54:12ooh
00:54:15ooh
00:54:16ooh
00:54:16ooh
00:54:16ooh
00:54:16ooh
00:54:17ooh
00:54:17ooh
00:54:22They got the misery blues and they had them all their lives
00:54:28They got the misery blues and they're filled with grief and strife
00:54:34More miserable, miserable, they'll stay
00:54:37These miseries is their only way
00:54:40They got the misery blues and they had them every day
00:54:44Every day, every day
00:54:46Oh, the blues, they got the misery blues
00:54:52The blues, they got the misery blues
00:54:58It's not an affliction, in their case it's addiction
00:55:01Cause disaster will come to anyone who comes their way
00:55:07The blues, they got the misery blues
00:55:13Oh, the blues, they got the misery blues
00:55:20It's not an affliction, in their case it's addiction
00:55:23Cause disaster will come to anyone who comes their way
00:55:27Cause disaster will come to anyone who comes their way
00:55:42Well, thank you. Well, thank you very much.
00:56:13Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome
00:56:20And now, fighting out of the prosecution corner
00:56:23This distinguished professional has amassed an amazing record of 74 victories
00:56:2960 by gas chambers, 60 by gas chambers, 10 by torture
00:56:32And one by lethal elocution
00:56:35I give you the one, the only, the incomparable
00:56:39F.B. Weekly
00:56:48Presiding over the action, this former restaurateur-turned-judge
00:56:52Has presided over some of the most infamous and botched mistrials in history
00:56:57It is with great pleasure that I give you the ever-popular, proud-pleasing people's judge
00:57:04The one and only Judge Ben E. Hannah
00:57:22House lights
00:57:34All right, bailiffs, bring in the defendants
00:57:38Oh, my dick
00:57:48Misery, brothers
00:57:50There's an argument for birth control
00:58:00All right, will the litigants please approach the bench
00:58:15Uh, Ben
00:58:19Yes, sir
00:58:22Now, I want a good, clean trial
00:58:27No hitting below the belt
00:58:29No book deals
00:58:30No posturing in the press
00:58:32This trial will be conducted in this courtroom
00:58:36Not under the big top of the media
00:58:38Now, any violations of these very simple rules
00:58:43And I will hold you in contempt
00:58:46Sanction you
00:58:47I'll have you maimed and disbarred
00:58:50Now, am I very clear on this matter?
00:58:53Oh, yes, Your Honor
00:58:57Crystal
00:58:59Very well
00:59:05Let's try this case
00:59:14Your Honor
00:59:16Would you please rescind the gag order so brutally imposed on my clients?
00:59:25Uh, Mr. Weekly, do you have any objections?
00:59:31Nah
00:59:31What have they got to say?
00:59:34Uh, sure
00:59:35As long as they don't talk too much
00:59:37Oh, I promise
00:59:39Thank you
00:59:40You are so sweet
00:59:52Where's our regular attorney?
00:59:54Yeah, what's Tom Hagen-Doss?
00:59:56Oh, he's not coming
00:59:57What?
00:59:59Maybe this will help
01:00:05Oh, yes
01:00:06Oh, give it to me
01:00:08Oh, yes
01:00:10Excuse me
01:00:11My husband and I are trying to work something out
01:00:13Here we go
01:00:14Under the post-human revisions of my latest will
01:00:18Your inheritance and everyone that comes with it
01:00:22Are hereby frozen
01:00:24Frozen?
01:00:26Ending the outcome of this trial
01:00:31Here you go
01:00:33Um, could you give us a moment alone, please?
01:00:36Yeah
01:00:37Sure
01:00:40What do you think, Mike?
01:00:42The things I'd like to do to her
01:00:44About our situation
01:00:46Oh
01:00:48Well, we could call our cousin Vinnie
01:00:49But I hear he's doing a sequel
01:00:51Yeah
01:00:53Angie
01:00:55Miss Biarsto
01:00:59Yes
01:01:03What do you charge?
01:01:04Is it easy to get credit?
01:01:06Oh, I'm very easy
01:01:07And real cheap
01:01:09I'm provided as a service by the state
01:01:12Absolutely no charge
01:01:14Oh, God bless America
01:01:16I love this country
01:01:22Are we about ready for opening statements?
01:01:25Persecution ready, Your Honor
01:01:27Oh, yes, Your Majesty
01:01:29Very well, then
01:01:31Now, in order to speed things up and execute people
01:01:34I have taken the liberty to personally interview and select the jury
01:01:40Your Honor
01:01:41With all due circumspect
01:01:43The process of wadir, or jury erection
01:01:47Is semi-guaranteed
01:01:49Under the munificently inadequate constituency of this great state
01:01:54I feel it would be tragic
01:02:01If I were to continue
01:02:04I get your point
01:02:07Great
01:02:09Well
01:02:09Now it's time to bring in the jury
01:02:30Oh, that's some jury pool
01:02:32Very patriotic
01:02:41Court reporter
01:02:42If you please
01:02:53Mr. Weakley
01:02:54You may begin
01:02:56Thank you, Judge
01:02:59Ladies and gentle bosoms of the jury
01:03:04Let's keep abreast
01:03:06Of the facts
01:03:09We put up a
01:03:10Strong front
01:03:12You can't be a
01:03:14Hung
01:03:15Jury
01:03:17It's not a matter of
01:03:19Tit for tat
01:03:20You're here today to see that justice is served
01:03:25That these two bloody rare murderers are cooked
01:03:30Well done
01:03:33These two miserable excuses for human beings
01:03:36Brutally killed two
01:03:38Of the best pieces of ass
01:03:41That money can buy
01:03:42I know
01:03:44I was there
01:03:46In the trenches
01:03:48Between the sheets
01:03:50Mano to mano
01:03:52Call girl
01:03:53To marine
01:03:57Our evidence is irresponsible and concealing
01:04:02We have matching gloves
01:04:05Fingerprints
01:04:08Perpetrators obscene at the scene of the crime
01:04:10Very mean
01:04:11And most crucible
01:04:13To the state of our union
01:04:16FNA evidence
01:04:17So complex
01:04:19And I promise you
01:04:22You will have no idea
01:04:25What the hell it is
01:04:28So I explore you
01:04:30Make your gold line stand
01:04:34Act like real men
01:04:37Win one for the unkind
01:04:39Win one for the gibber
01:04:45Who's the gibber
01:04:49Miss barrister
01:04:51Present
01:04:52No no sweetheart
01:04:54Your opening statement
01:05:23This case is really
01:05:25A lot easier than I look
01:05:27You have two
01:05:29Allegedly dead women
01:05:32Two
01:05:34Allegedly
01:05:34Alive suspects
01:05:38What does it all mean
01:05:41Have aliens visited us
01:05:44Is there life
01:05:46After death
01:05:48And if there is
01:05:51Is it brutally murdering somebody
01:05:54Really
01:05:55Just giving them a new life
01:05:58Objection your honor
01:06:00Statement requires thought
01:06:02On the part of
01:06:03The jury
01:06:06Sustained
01:06:07Miss barrister
01:06:08You will refrain from
01:06:10Using any statements
01:06:12Or questions
01:06:13That require thought
01:06:14Yes my lord
01:06:19In closing the cookbook
01:06:21Mr. Weekly states
01:06:23My clients should be deep fried
01:06:25Hmm
01:06:26Well
01:06:28Look at these two
01:06:30Aww
01:06:33Come on
01:06:40Look at how pitiful they are
01:06:44How pathetic
01:06:46Now I ask you
01:06:48Who are the real victims in this crime
01:06:51Is Elvis alive
01:06:53And do these guys deserve to die
01:06:58Just because they're
01:07:00Worthless losers
01:07:04I don't think so
01:07:07Mm-mm
01:07:08Not this time
01:07:13Mr. Weekly
01:07:15Call your first witness
01:07:17Please
01:07:24Hello Al
01:07:25It's F me
01:07:28F me
01:07:30No F you Al
01:07:31It's F me
01:07:33Right
01:07:34Listen I need you to come down
01:07:36And testify
01:07:36Okay
01:07:39I saw a bacteria cell
01:07:41On the chrome bumper of the car
01:07:45Realizing the occupants of the estate
01:07:47Were in a potentially life threatening situation
01:07:49My partner
01:07:51Detective Frank and I
01:07:52Decided to act
01:07:54And we did
01:07:55Frank
01:07:56The occupants of this estate
01:07:58Appear to be
01:07:59In a potentially life threatening situation
01:08:02You know you're absolutely
01:08:05Positively
01:08:06100% correct Al
01:08:07Let me ask you something
01:08:09Should we get a warrant
01:08:10Or should I jump the fence
01:08:12And grab the alleged percolator
01:08:13I don't think so Frank
01:08:15My sentiments exactly
01:08:24And the rest is history
01:08:26Michael and Angelo
01:08:27After we uh
01:08:28We roughed them up a little bit
01:08:29Basically confessed
01:08:31And uh
01:08:31Lieutenant Frank
01:08:33Found the gloves
01:08:34That's it
01:08:36Lieutenant Dente
01:08:38Yeah
01:08:38Call me uh
01:08:40Call me Big Al
01:08:42Big Al
01:08:44Did you plant the gloves?
01:08:47No
01:08:47No
01:08:48No further questions
01:08:52Now Detective Frank
01:08:54Just like we rehearsed
01:08:57Yeah
01:08:59I heard
01:09:00The ding ding
01:09:02The next thing I know
01:09:03The gloves
01:09:04They was on me hands
01:09:06They was a perfect
01:09:10Match
01:09:11Match
01:09:12Great
01:09:12Objection
01:09:13Objection
01:09:14Your Honor
01:09:14Yes
01:09:15Mr. Barrett
01:09:16The witness is reading
01:09:22From a teleprompter
01:09:24Sidebar
01:09:27Sidebar
01:09:34Anday
01:09:35Anday
01:09:40Anday
01:09:41Your Honor
01:09:41What do you think
01:09:42About the teleprompter issue
01:09:44Witness reads
01:09:46Very badly
01:09:47Hmm
01:09:48Uh please continue
01:09:51As I was saying
01:09:52Well I heard the ding ding
01:09:54And the boom bing
01:09:56Uh something like that
01:09:57But the next thing I know
01:09:59The gloves were in my hands
01:10:00And they were a perfect match
01:10:03Objection Ben
01:10:05Yes I'm
01:10:06Huh
01:10:06The witness is being coached
01:10:12Sidebar
01:10:14Sure am thirsty
01:10:22Murdered up
01:10:23Shalom
01:10:25Break a leg
01:10:32Oh
01:10:34My lord
01:10:35What do you think
01:10:36About the coaching issue
01:10:38Coach
01:10:39Coach
01:10:39Is very badly
01:10:40I
01:10:41Aretha Santiago
01:10:42Do solemnly swear
01:10:43To tell the whole truth
01:10:44And nothing but the whole damn truth
01:10:46Or may the big man upstairs
01:10:48Smack my ass down
01:10:49Okay
01:10:51Miss San Diego
01:10:52Santiago
01:10:53Of course
01:10:54Eureka
01:10:55What is your current
01:10:56Preoccupation
01:10:59I am a domestic
01:11:00Servient
01:11:01At the estate
01:11:01Of the disease
01:11:02Don Fiole
01:11:03The only
01:11:05Well
01:11:05I don't know
01:11:06Tell us everything you saw
01:11:07Or didn't see
01:11:08No wonder we could eat off the floor
01:11:10Committed the gruesome
01:11:11Double murders
01:11:12Of our dearly beloved
01:11:13I object
01:11:14Yeah
01:11:15Me too
01:11:16On what grounds
01:11:19Shallow
01:11:20That's very deep Mike
01:11:27You may continue
01:11:29Mr. Weekly
01:11:30Thank you
01:11:31As I was saying
01:11:33Before I was so crudely interpreted
01:11:35Tell us everything you saw
01:11:37Or didn't see
01:11:38On the night in question
01:11:39Look
01:11:40Like I said before
01:11:42I didn't see nothing
01:11:43I don't know nothing
01:11:44You don't know nothing?
01:11:51I don't know nothing
01:11:52Nothing
01:11:53They ain't nothing
01:11:54That I seen
01:11:56I don't know nothing
01:11:57Nothing
01:11:58So why you bothering me?
01:12:01Why?
01:12:02I'm just a maid
01:12:02Doing her job
01:12:04These two guys
01:12:05They're really big slops
01:12:06I don't know nothing
01:12:07Nothing
01:12:07Nothing
01:12:08Nothing at all
01:12:10Nothing at all
01:12:11I got me a job
01:12:13I got me a job
01:12:13I got me a job
01:12:13I'm working nine to five
01:12:14Nine to five
01:12:15I'm telling you the truth
01:12:17And baby
01:12:18That's no job
01:12:20Job
01:12:21The clock strikes life
01:12:23And I don't think they
01:12:24I just lie around
01:12:25Cating in the machine
01:12:26I don't know nothing
01:12:27Nothing
01:12:27Nothing
01:12:28Nothing at all
01:12:30Everybody
01:12:31She don't know nothing
01:12:32Nothing
01:12:33There ain't nothing
01:12:34That she sees
01:12:36She don't know nothing
01:12:37Nothing
01:12:38So why you bothering me?
01:12:41Why?
01:12:41She's just a maid
01:12:43Doing her job
01:12:44These two guys
01:12:45Are really big slops
01:12:46She don't know nothing
01:12:47Nothing
01:12:47Nothing
01:12:48Nothing at all
01:12:49Nothing at all
01:12:50Yes
01:12:50She got her job
01:12:53I'm working nine to five
01:12:54Nine to five
01:12:56She's telling you the truth
01:12:57And baby
01:12:58That's no job
01:13:00No job
01:13:01The clock strikes life
01:13:02And she don't get paid
01:13:04She don't lie around
01:13:05Hanging in the machine
01:13:06She don't know nothing
01:13:07Nothing
01:13:07Nothing
01:13:08Nothing
01:13:08Nothing at all
01:13:11Nothing at all
01:13:13Nothing at all
01:13:32Nothing at all
01:13:33Nothing at all
01:13:34Nothing at all
01:13:34Nothing at all
01:13:35Nothing at all
01:13:37Nothing at all
01:13:37Nothing at all
01:13:37Nothing at all
01:13:37Nothing at all
01:13:38Nothing at all
01:13:38Nothing at all
01:13:38Nothing at all
01:13:38Nothing at all
01:13:38Nothing at all
01:13:38Nothing at all
01:13:39Nothing at all
01:13:39Nothing at all
01:13:40Nothing at all
01:13:47Ah-ha! Dismissed!
01:13:53As I was saying, I eat breakfast every morning in a donut stand 200 yards from the enemy.
01:14:01Ain't that the guy that rear-ended us? The tailgater?
01:14:04I die in the virtual war zone. You applaud, Santiago, yet you despise me for the very comforts I afford
01:14:12you.
01:14:14Did you order Detective Mancini and Lieutenant Al Dente to plant the black gloves?
01:14:22I specifically ordered the men not to touch Miss Santiago.
01:14:27Did you order Detective Mancini and Lieutenant Al Dente to plant the black gloves?
01:14:33I want the truth.
01:14:35The truth? The truth? You can't handle the truth!
01:14:41Listen, bimbo, we live in a world with walls, big walls, and sometimes officers have to crash through them.
01:14:49It's their job!
01:14:51Did you order a code glove?
01:14:53No, I... I did not.
01:15:00Okay.
01:15:00Ange, you got problems.
01:15:04Big problems.
01:15:06Yeah.
01:15:06The state calls FNA expert.
01:15:11Wilderness scientist Newton Gingrich Einstein.
01:15:27Sit down.
01:15:30Mr. Einstein, in someone else's words, please tell us extinctly what FNA is.
01:15:37Fart naturally, anally.
01:15:39It's a 99.9% way of misidentifying someone through the genetic fingerprints that each of us leave.
01:15:49Everyone's farts have a unique appearance and personality.
01:15:52Personality.
01:15:53Exactly.
01:15:55Now I'm going to have our lovely exhibit model bring over that vile vile for your examination.
01:16:02Dirty rat.
01:16:14Now, can you scientifically identify the fart in question?
01:16:20I think I can do that.
01:16:42Okay, now that you've had a chance to incompletely recover,
01:16:46however, can you identify the type of fart as well as the perpetrators of the fart?
01:16:52The fart in question is of your classic sugar-coated breakfastist cereal-less cereal.
01:17:02Oh, specifically, storybook cereal.
01:17:06And it was caused by them.
01:17:13The persecution rests, Your Honor.
01:17:17Very good.
01:17:19Excellent case.
01:17:22Miss Barrister?
01:17:24Yes?
01:17:25Is there anything else you'd like to present to the court, sweetheart?
01:17:29Um.
01:17:32Yeah.
01:17:40Ooh, ooh, ooh, what?
01:17:43Mike.
01:17:44Ooh.
01:17:46Look.
01:17:47Miss Barrister.
01:17:49Miss Barrister.
01:17:50Come here.
01:17:52Oh, yes.
01:17:54Oh, yes.
01:17:57Your Honor, the defense calls the court reporter to the stand as an excellent expert FNA witness.
01:18:05Rejection, Your Honor.
01:18:06What possible credentials could she have for such an odious and intellectually exhausting area of expertise?
01:18:19She's acceptable.
01:18:20She's acceptable.
01:18:24Miss Steno.
01:18:26Oh, no, you can call me Susie.
01:18:28Susie.
01:18:29Yeah.
01:18:29Well, what did you think about the prosecution's case?
01:18:33You think it can hold water?
01:18:37Like the Titanic.
01:18:41Hey, you think you can tell us what you were just eating?
01:18:45Storybook cereal.
01:18:46It's my favorite cereal.
01:18:48But it does give me just a little gas.
01:18:52Excuse me.
01:18:54Based on everything you've heard here today, can you tell the court what is the irrelevance of that?
01:19:00Well, everybody knows that storybook cereal has a 92% sugar content.
01:19:07But the Lacedophilus factor of 3.75, when multiplied by the exponential root of the Pythagorean theory of relativity, can
01:19:16only mean one thing.
01:19:19What?
01:19:20That the FNA sample in question could not possibly have come from storybook cereal.
01:19:27Now, you see, an odor of this magnitude can come from one fiber source and one fiber source only.
01:19:36Burritos Mexicanus.
01:19:38Oh, that, of course, is a burrito.
01:19:42Ha!
01:19:43And in taking notes during the deposition of Michael and Angelo, Misery Leleone, what did they state they had for
01:19:55breakfast?
01:19:56Could it have been the incriminating burrito?
01:20:03No, it was not.
01:20:07What was it, then?
01:20:08What could it have been?
01:20:11Storybook cereal.
01:20:14Ah.
01:20:16No further questions.
01:20:18The defense rests.
01:20:36And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is your decision.
01:20:40All nine jurors score the bout exactly the same in favor of the winner by unanimous decision, the new litigating
01:20:49champion of the world, Ivar Barrister!
01:21:06Justice, you serve!
01:21:08Yes!
01:21:20That was some moment, eh?
01:21:22When we heard the proclamation of our emancipation.
01:21:26That was something, eh?
01:21:27Yeah, and then when he said we were free to go, it touched me, you know?
01:21:32Hey, hey, hey, it moved me.
01:21:34Hey.
01:21:48Let me introduce myself.
01:21:50I'm Dr. Joyce Brothers.
01:21:51Hi.
01:21:52Hi.
01:21:52Too bad you didn't get here earlier, Doc.
01:21:54Yeah, the guy they just took away, he really could have used you.
01:21:57Oh, I'm not that kind of a doctor.
01:22:00I'm a psychologist.
01:22:01I listen to people tell the...
01:22:03Oh, s-s-stories?
01:22:04I guess you could say that, yes.
01:22:07Doc, did you come to the right place?
01:22:09You sure did.
01:22:12Uh-oh.
01:22:16Oh, no, not a...
01:22:22Uh...
01:22:24Your computer has malfunctioned.
01:22:30Your computer has malfunctioned.
01:22:39One moment, please.
01:22:41While I transfer your call.
01:22:44To an automated attendant.
01:22:47Please.
01:22:50I'm sorry.
01:22:53I do not understand.
01:22:55Confused, crashing, cars are smashing.
01:22:57Could this be real?
01:22:59Thanks, I'm broke.
01:23:00Is this a joke?
01:23:01End of society.
01:23:04What's going on when the clock strikes 12?
01:23:06End of 99.
01:23:07Is apocalypse may or should we live in fear?
01:23:09Wondering if we'll survive?
01:23:12Y2K.
01:23:14One, four, three.
01:23:15The finishing is coming to me.
01:23:21Y2K.
01:23:22One, four, three.
01:23:24Millennium is here.
01:23:26A whole new century.
01:23:28The world is tripping.
01:23:29Everything's flipping.
01:23:30It's about here.
01:23:32The virus so bad.
01:23:33Makes me sad.
01:23:34The world's paralyzed.
01:23:36What's going to happen when the clock strikes 12?
01:23:38End of 99.
01:23:40Is apocalypse here?
01:23:41Should we live in fear?
01:23:42Wondering if we'll survive?
01:23:43Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:23:45Y2K.
01:23:46One, four, three.
01:23:48The free machine is going to me.
01:23:53Y2K.
01:23:55One, four, three.
01:23:57Millennium is here.
01:23:59A whole new century.
01:24:09The white zone is for loading and unloading online.
01:24:10Y2K.
01:24:11One, four, three.
01:24:13Millennium is here.
01:24:15A whole new century.
01:24:16The white zone is for loading and unloading online.
01:24:21Millennium.
01:24:23Millennium.
01:24:24Millennium.
01:24:25Y2K.
01:24:27One, four, three.
01:24:30Millennium is here.
01:24:31A whole new century.
01:24:34Y2K.
01:24:35One, four, three.
01:24:38The free machine is going to me.
01:24:42Y2K.
01:24:44One, four, three.
01:24:46Millennium is here.
01:24:48A whole new century.
01:24:51Y2K.
01:24:51I'm sorry.
01:24:52I'm sorry.
01:24:54I'm sorry.
01:24:54The free machine is going to me.
01:24:57I'm sorry.
01:24:58I'm sorry.
01:24:58I'm sorry.
01:25:00One, four, three.
01:25:02The world is here.
01:25:04A whole new century.
01:25:07Please deposit $1,000 for the first three minutes.
01:25:23A whole new century.
01:25:23Y2K.
01:25:25One, four, three.
01:25:27Millennium is here.
01:25:29A whole new century.
01:25:32Y2K.
01:25:33One, four, three.
01:25:35The free machine is going to me.
01:25:40Y2K.
01:25:41One, four, three
01:25:43My limit is getting
01:25:45I'm going to say to me
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