- 6 hours ago
Rivals - Season 1 Episode 1
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00:10You
00:36This is your captain speaking. Keep your eyes on the board. We're about to go supersonic.
01:17Did we break the sound barrier? Sorry, Mr. Camper Black. I didn't know it was you in there.
01:30To love and see the signs. But you can't read. Running at a different speed. Your heart beats. A double
01:42time. Another kiss.
01:47Enjoying your flight, Rupert? Tony Battingham. Do you know B.T. Johnson from The Scorpion?
01:54Oh, no. But I hear great things. Did the Prime Minister give you permission to fuck a journalist in the
02:00on-board toilet?
02:01Lou, Tony, don't be plebeian. B.T.'s ghosting my memoirs. No way to believe in laying one's ghost.
02:07Oh, B.T., what's your angle? Champion show jumper put out to pasture. Now a powerless backbench politician casting round
02:15for his next hobby.
02:16Never quite achieving the success he once had.
02:20What are you doing in New York? Whoring yourself round advertisers? You know, if you don't start spending some of
02:25that fortune you're coining on making decent television, you're going to lose your business.
02:29Very much in hand. Just recruited a hot shit young producer.
02:33Who?
02:33Mm. Cameron Cook.
02:35Never heard of him.
02:38You are desperate to work for Cronium. Bit my hand off in vain.
02:43I hope it didn't bleed on your nice suit.
02:47Maybe when we head back, too.
03:13Oh, my God.
03:37Oh, my God.
03:49Drug use. Pornography. Easier divorce. Rampant. Homosexuality.
03:53Recent studies have shown that HIV isn't exclusively a homosexual disease, Deputy Prime Minister.
03:59Oh, but loveless rutting.
04:01The promiscuous encounters that characterize a Saturday night in Soho,
04:05those are the preconditions for this virus, which threatens...
04:08The precondition, Deputy Prime Minister, is the Victorian conservatism of the Tory government,
04:13which is narrow-minded, hypocritical, and quite frankly, cruel.
04:16And cut there. Thank you. Ready to go again.
04:19He can say gay sex is loveless rutting, but I can't make a small comment about the government.
04:23BBC editorial policy, Declan. Sorry, Deputy Prime Minister.
04:27We're going again.
04:28Cue Declan.
04:32Mr. Stratton, yourself and Mrs. Stratton have been married, what, 15 years?
04:3715 in April.
04:38Yeah, three children, a wife, a mistress, and an all-consuming job.
04:42It must be difficult to juggle everything.
04:46What?
04:47Although your wife, Winifred, has been staying at her family's Pimbleco apartment,
04:51which must have made it easier for you to spend time with your, uh...
04:5529-year-old secretary, Miss Sarah Price,
04:58who proudly told our researchers that you have the girth and stamina
05:02to compete with any championship racehorse.
05:04Is that a fair comment to make, sir?
05:05I, uh, well, the...
05:07CUT! CUT!
05:09I would look to your own glass house, Deputy Prime Minister,
05:11before you start throwing rocks at others.
05:13Look, Declan, if we could just do another take without the slant...
05:15the fuck off, Alistair!
05:17Fuck!
05:18Frick!
05:21Fuck!
05:25Frank, come on, let's close this in the chair.
05:48I don't know whose bloomers are more of a twist tonight, aren't they, to the Prime Ministers?
05:52We both know that the BBC won't show tonight's episode.
05:55I've said it before, Lord Bandingham, I'm happy here.
05:58And I'm not interested in commercial television.
06:05Director General calling, save in a naughty boy.
06:20I'm offering you freedom.
06:22I saw your interview with Reagan, I bet they hacked out some corkers.
06:27We'd put you out live.
06:31Live?
06:32Complete editorial control.
06:35The skew of the bastards on air, it's halfway around the world before anyone's got a chance to complain.
06:40The satellite's coming, we're going global.
06:44It's exciting.
06:47You're stuck here with a load of librarians.
06:51When you could be an astronaut.
06:58I'd have to persuade Maud.
07:02Massive house from the country, she'd love it.
07:04It's a Wicklow man like you, doing it in Fulham.
07:07Dodging litter and dog shit.
07:08Come to the Coswolds.
07:11Even I have to win sometimes, how fucking pretty the place is.
07:20A little signing bonus.
07:22Declan, come on.
07:24You're being paid peanuts to get bloodless interviews with one hand tied behind your back.
07:29It's the golden age of television.
07:33You're missing the game.
07:57You're missing the game.
08:01But what you've got is all so sweet
08:04You've got to make it hot
08:09Like a boy I need to repeat
08:13Give me all your loving
08:15All your hugs and kisses, dear
08:21Give me all your loving
08:23Don't let up until we leave
08:29You've got to whip it up
08:33And hit me like a ton of lead
08:37If I blow my tongue
08:40Daddy's hand
08:41Will you let it fall in your head?
08:46Give me all your loving
08:47All your hugs and kisses, dear
08:53Give me all your loving
08:55Don't let up until we leave
09:05Hello, darling
09:06How was your day?
09:07Extremely successful
09:09Sorry I landed on your game
09:11Yes, we do have other orders
09:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah
09:46Here we are, girls
09:47The priory
09:50Caitlin, we're here
09:51What?
09:52We're here, we're here, look
09:53We're here
09:58Oh my god
10:22Exciting things are going to happen to us in a place like this
10:25Amazing
10:26Amazing
10:27Rachel, go
10:28That's the best room
10:29I don't really know
10:30The prettiest prison I ever saw
10:49Bang
10:50Oh my god
10:54Let's see you go
11:08Jehovah's Witness.
11:09Oh, fuck, she's seen us.
11:12Oh, you'll have to go down.
11:13What? Why me?
11:14I'm on the lookout.
11:15For him?
11:16Oh, God.
11:19Soviet officials have announced that 79 bodies have been recovered and nearly 320 people are missing.
11:27After all, you've put a few things in the door.
11:29Door!
11:31Hello.
11:32I just wanted to welcome you to all.
11:33Oh, Dad, I'm not sure.
11:34Sorry.
11:34No, no, thank you.
11:37We're not on the best of terms with Jehovah in this house.
11:40Daddy, just shut the door.
11:41Oh, it's not mine.
11:43I found it on a lawn.
11:44New English.
11:45Is it the New English Bible?
11:47Yes.
11:48Daddy says it's a literary abomination.
11:49He must have thrown it out the window.
11:51I'm Lizzie.
11:53I live down the valley.
11:54I bought you a bottle and some eggs.
11:56We'll open this now.
11:58Okay.
11:59Come on in.
12:01We haven't found the wine glasses yet.
12:04Tell us the second post here.
12:06Oh, there isn't a second post.
12:08Taggy lost her virginity this summer to one of her son Patrick's university friends.
12:12He's in the south of France right now and not writing many postcards.
12:16Oh, it must be so lonely for Rupert now he's not show jumping.
12:19And the only thing that persuaded Caitlin to leave all her friends in London was the thought
12:23of living opposite Rupert Campbell Black.
12:25I want him to ravish me.
12:27He's a middle-aged MP, Caitlin.
12:29Well, I'm so cross.
12:30I'm off to boarding school and won't get the first crack at him.
12:32He's bountiful for Taggy or even Mummy.
12:34How well do you know him?
12:36Oh, I'm not sure anyone really knows Rupert.
12:38But we're friends.
12:40So not carnally, then?
12:42I'm one of the few women around here who hasn't been ravished by Rupert.
12:45Is your husband Fiercely Protective.
12:47Mm-hmm.
12:49Oh, that's my novel.
12:52I wrote it.
12:53Have you read it?
12:54Oh, no, Taggy doesn't read.
12:56She's dyslexic.
12:57For a long time we thought she was retarded.
12:59Oh, he took what he wanted.
13:01I loved this.
13:03Talk about getting ravished.
13:05Isn't there a very naughty bit with some duck leaves?
13:07Oh, of course.
13:09Oh.
13:13Yeah, the fight is quite old.
13:15Have you got another one coming out?
13:16Well, what with the children and my husband, I don't find much time to write nowadays.
13:20Tag, I need a shirt and some fucking socks.
13:25Oh.
13:26Daddy, that's Lizzie.
13:27I live just down the valley.
13:28She writes dirty books.
13:29Nice to meet you, Caitlin. You're wearing my socks.
13:31Well, they're warmer than tight.
13:32Sorry, still unpacking.
13:34Thanks, love.
13:34How easy is it to find help, aren't you?
13:36We are not forking out for a cleaner.
13:39Well, stealing a woman's help around here is worse than stealing her husband.
13:42What if you stole both?
13:47That's grant, Tag.
13:49Right.
13:49I am going to buy 30 pairs of socks in such a disgusting colour that none of you will ever
13:54pinch them again.
13:55Nice to meet you, Lizzie.
13:56Good luck, Daddy.
13:57Give him help.
13:58Yeah.
13:58All right, let's get smashed.
14:00Whew.
14:01Welcome to Rocha.
14:13A man walks down the street, he says, why am I soft in the middle now?
14:17Why am I soft in the middle?
14:18The rest of my life is so hard.
14:21I need a photo opportunity.
14:22I want a shot of redemption.
14:24Don't want to end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard.
14:27Oh, I'm boned, ever boned, and I get these months away from you, you know.
14:31I don't find this stuff on music anymore.
14:35If you be my bodyguard, I can be your long, long time.
14:42I can call you Betty.
14:44Betty, when you call me, you can call me out.
14:50A man walks down the street, he says, why am I short of attention?
14:54Got a short little span of attention.
14:56Oh, my nights are so long.
14:58Where's my wife and family?
15:00What if I die here?
15:01Who'll be my role model?
15:03Now that my role model is gone, gone.
15:07You duck back down the alley with some roly-poly little bat-faced girl.
15:11All along, along, there were incidents and accidents.
15:16There were hints and allegations.
15:20If you be my bodyguard...
15:25Declan, hi.
15:27There he is!
15:28I'll see you!
15:29Okay.
15:30What the fuck?
15:34Just a man of the people.
15:36Don't be jealous, James.
15:37At least he won't steal your sunbed.
15:39He's tall, isn't he?
15:40Standing next to a very short car.
15:42I saw him in Pensken.
15:44I think he looks a lot older in the flesh.
15:45Thank you, dear Jane.
15:46Who's producing him?
15:47Cameron.
15:47It's factual, not drama.
15:49Why does Cameron get all the good stuff?
15:50I really can't think.
15:53Declan, how much are they paying you?
15:55Why do you leave the BBC, Declan?
15:56Come on, Declan, give us a spot.
15:57All right, all right, thanks, lads.
15:59That's your last.
16:00Give me the frock, I will.
16:01This way?
16:01Yeah.
16:02You've got the paddy among the pigeons, haven't you?
16:04Who says no blacks, no Irish?
16:05I'm a one-man.
16:06Equal opportunities revolution, Ginger.
16:12I'm a journalist, not a celebrity.
16:14I ask the questions.
16:16It's Declan, you are there.
16:20Where the fuck is this Cameron guy I'm supposed to report to?
16:24Jesus, you don't just ambush someone.
16:27I'm a serious fucking journalist.
16:29I don't discuss my career with the Scorpion.
16:32Shit, shut up.
16:36Come in.
16:43Where is he?
16:47Take a seat, Declan.
16:51What, you're...
16:52Cameron Cook.
16:55You were expecting a man, possibly queer, which you would have endured, but certainly not a woman, and God forbid,
17:01a black one.
17:02I thought you were a publicity girl.
17:04No, I'm a producery woman.
17:06Listen, I'm not...
17:07Prejudice?
17:07Of course not.
17:08You're an asshole to everyone.
17:10This isn't going to work, Tony.
17:12It's not a chat show.
17:13It's a serious program.
17:15I want to produce a serious program, too, but there are ways of trying to...
17:17Oh, but a sofa with cushions.
17:19You've seen the set design, then.
17:20I know my audience, Tony.
17:23A fucking sofa.
17:25You might listen to Cameron.
17:26NBC howled when I poached her.
17:27Oh.
17:29Do you know Charles Fairbairn, controller of programs?
17:31Declan.
17:33We knew each other at the beam.
17:34Hey, look, um...
17:35Fatter, I don't miss the canteen at the BBC, darling.
17:39And Gingerbread, head of operations.
17:43I'm sorry, Tony, I produce myself.
17:46I've got Johnny Friedlander flying over for your first interview.
17:49Johnny Friedlander, the film star?
17:51No, Johnny Friedlander, my Dennis.
17:52I don't interview actors.
17:54Friedlander doesn't give interviews, not since the sex tape.
17:56They're saying he could be the next Bond.
17:58They'll have trouble replacing Roger.
18:00I've been speaking to Jackie Kennedy.
18:02She'll just blabber on about her old boring publishing job.
18:05No, she wants to talk about life as a single American woman, actually.
18:08You could learn something, Cameron.
18:10Look, you two log horns if it turns you on, but don't forget.
18:13I hired you both because you can get ratings,
18:15so let's pull together and get them, yes?
18:17The BBC have put top of the pops against us in the schedule.
18:21So you need to be more popular than Jimmy Savile.
18:23Johnny Friedlander is a global megastar,
18:25and he hasn't given an interview in five years.
18:26People will watch this.
18:28Book Jackie for the next one.
18:37Okay, fine.
18:39But I do my own research.
18:42And no fucking sofa!
18:46Give him whatever fucking furniture he wants, all right?
18:48We all know it's not about the sofa.
18:49I don't need this shit, Tony.
18:50You brought me here to produce drama, not a chat show.
18:54I brought you here to be the cleverest person in the building
18:56and terrify the rest of them into pulling their socks up.
18:58So far, so good.
18:59You're a lion in a petting zoo.
19:00But we need big game like Declan to convince the IBA to renew our contract.
19:05We lose the franchise, there won't be any drama to produce.
19:07You'll be on the next boat back.
19:11I didn't come here on a boat.
19:13Forgive me, semantics.
19:14I flew here on fucking Concord.
19:17I paid for the ticket.
19:20Worth every penny.
19:39It's gorgeous.
19:40Yes.
19:41There are badger's heads up at the top there.
19:44And in spring, the bluebells flamed between the beach trees
19:48like little hunts and burners.
19:51Sorry, I sound like an estate agent.
19:53I just can't believe this is all ours.
19:55Well, only to the bottom of the wood.
19:56And then Rupert will have you for trespassing.
20:00Well, thank you for walking me back.
20:03I'm really quite pissed.
20:08It's like Rupert's back home.
20:11Caitlin will be scaling the wall.
20:13Caitlin's all talk.
20:14She's sworn off and married until she's at least 35.
20:17I've got too much to do, she says.
20:19And you?
20:21With parents like yours, you must have big plans.
20:24Oh.
20:25I'd like to be a cook.
20:26Oh.
20:26Following recipes and writing things down,
20:28I don't know what to do with myself, really.
20:31How old are you?
20:3219?
20:3320.
20:34Your whole life ahead of you.
20:37It's 1986.
20:39You can have whatever you want.
20:42So Cosmo tells us.
20:48Back into battle.
20:50How many children do you have?
20:52Two.
20:53Three, counting my husband.
20:55He works for Corineum too.
20:56Yeah, you didn't say.
20:57No, I talk about my husband as little as possible.
21:00He does enough of that himself.
21:04I'm coming to get you.
21:12I'm coming to get you.
21:14You can't catch me.
21:15Hello?
21:17What's going on?
21:34Oh, my God.
21:35There's fire.
21:36Oh, there's fire!
21:49Oh, come on.
21:53Oh, come on.
21:57Oh, come on.
22:04Oh, come on.
22:13Fire!
22:17Fire!
22:19Fire!
22:20Fire!
22:21Fire!
22:21Fire!
22:21Deadfall.
22:22You're dead to at least six inches over the line.
22:24Well, you can't fall, then.
22:25You're at least ten inches over the line.
22:27Fire!
22:29Fire!
22:33Don't be shy, darling.
22:36Your fields are on fire.
22:40And it's the quickest way to get rid of the stubble after the harvest?
22:43Could you...
22:45So you separated them on purpose?
22:47Sorry.
22:49Who the fuck are you and why are you here?
22:51What about the animals?
22:52The rabbits and voles and birds?
22:53Yes, and the lovely ickle earwig.
22:55Should I stop ploughing my fields because it's caught a wood lice?
22:57You're murdering them.
22:58Do you want me to give them a state funeral?
23:03What the hell?
23:05I called the fire brigade.
23:09Get off my land before I call the police as well and take that brute back to its pigsty!
23:16You are utterly abhorrent!
23:28I was born an original sinner.
23:32I was born from original sin.
23:36And if I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done, there'd be a mountain of money piled
23:43up to my chin.
23:43You ordered a full-bodied Argentine.
23:46And the wine, Basil.
23:47Yes.
23:48Have you tried this one before?
23:49It's very, very nice.
23:51I'm assuming we're on expenses.
23:53Baz enjoys helping you spend carineal money.
23:56I do.
23:57Oh!
23:58Oh!
23:59Wonderful.
23:59Now, I must say, I loved your coverage of the royal wedding, Charles.
24:03Thank you, Baz.
24:04Andrew and Fergie are a modern-day fairytale.
24:06Well, you know what they say about redheads?
24:08Enjoy chips.
24:10That's Tony's wrong.
24:12Half-brother.
24:13He got a good half.
24:14The mother had a scandalous fling with an Argentinian polo player.
24:18Basil was the result.
24:20Baz was always the favourite with Daddy, despite his dubious origins.
24:25And poor Tony just never managed to catch on.
24:27Is he all a grudge?
24:28Tony, darling, he cultivates them like rare orchids.
24:32Artists.
24:32Tony cultivates artists.
24:34You're in safe hands.
24:35We're so lucky to have such a strong leader at the helm.
24:38Hello, Archie.
24:39I'll have the liver and marmalade and a radicchio salad.
24:46And for you, sir?
24:48Steak.
24:48Still mooing.
24:57Tony's son.
24:58Working here for the summer holidays.
25:00Teaching his children the value of money.
25:03And tell me, is Cameron Cook as big a bitch as she seems?
25:07She is a genius.
25:12So we ripped up the treatment, aged all the characters down ten years and gave them some desire.
25:18The men were all dickless.
25:20So I said to Tony, our audience wants to fantasize about being banged over the seat while doing the dishes.
25:26And Four Men Went to Mow is now the top-rated network drama of the year.
25:31Looking good, boys.
25:32I smell like Sunday lunch.
25:34You look delicious.
25:35Everybody, this is Lady Gosling, chairwoman of the Independent Broadcasting Authority.
25:39Best behavior, everyone.
25:42And this is the Declan set?
25:44Yes.
25:44Very impressive.
25:46You're rather impressive, aren't you?
25:48Where did Tony find you?
25:50New York.
25:51Ah.
25:52August 26, 1970.
25:53I marched with Gloria Steinem on the women's strike for equality.
25:58My mom was on that march.
26:01Don't iron while the strike is hot.
26:04I think you'll be pleased with the efforts we've made to address your concerns.
26:07I am not your Barbie doll.
26:11And Declan O'Hara's presence on the Carinium team, it just nudges that political dial leftwards.
26:16And the board.
26:17If you want to hang on to your franchise, then Carinium's board needs strengthening.
26:21Well.
26:22Have you thought of Rupert Campbell Black?
26:26Rupert's presence would give you legitimacy, Anthony.
26:29I don't like taking people's franchises away, but Rupert would give Carinium real sparkle.
26:35I want to be convinced that I'm backing the right horse.
26:39Tell me more about your mama.
26:42Mama was into palaces.
26:43Really?
26:44I mean, they don't tell you when you leave the BBC.
26:55Yes, there's a lot more money in independent television.
26:58But you're going up against 14 other regional companies just like you.
27:03And then there's franchise renewal.
27:05But that's, what, once every five years?
27:06Yeah, but the anxiety is constant.
27:09Because some other company can just waltz in and take your franchise away.
27:13We may not have had biscuits at the BBC, but all we had to do was make television.
27:18Do you think I made the wrong move?
27:20Oh, no.
27:21Granada have Coronation Street.
27:23LWT has Blind Date.
27:25Carinium now has you.
27:27You're the golden goose, darling.
27:29Take it back and let Tony fucking fatten you up.
27:34The foie gras is the wine here, by the way.
28:00The foie gras is the wine here, by the way.
28:02I wish I was coming too.
28:03I've only been invited so I can drive Mummy and Daddy home when they're drunk.
28:06Oh, you've already met Rupert.
28:08It's not fair.
28:09He's always Willy.
28:10He's vile.
28:11Oh, that journalist is so lucky to be shagging him.
28:15What are you looking for?
28:16Oh, it's a bright blue mini.
28:20Do you think it's going to happen again?
28:22What?
28:23Mummy.
28:28Now we're here, I quite want to stay.
28:30Taggy!
28:32Oh, let's go!
28:36What?
28:37You're wearing Taggy's dress?
28:39Uh, I wore this, Siobhano's Christmas party.
28:41It was mine then too.
28:42Oh, you're so touchy these days.
28:44Look, we are going to go and meet the most wonderful people this afternoon.
28:48I'm excited.
28:52Leaving London's going to be good for her and Daddy, isn't it?
28:56It will be.
28:59I'll be okay.
29:00I promise.
29:18I'll be okay.
29:30It's really good!
29:34I want to be okay.
29:39I'm sorry.
29:40I'll be okay.
29:42Hey!
29:42Come sing me life
29:44Come sing me my Antigone face
29:48Well done, darling.
29:50Great turnout again, I must say.
29:53As I've told them to up the proportion of orange juice in the Bugsville,
29:57don't everyone plastered like last year.
30:00So, which one is it you want for your board?
30:03Is it the electronics millionaire chap?
30:05Freddie Jones.
30:06Never that with a touch.
30:09I'll get him on satellite technology.
30:11You can ask her if she's made any friends in the area, yeah?
30:13She's opened a boutique in Colchester,
30:16so you should offer to pop in and buy something.
30:20Hmm.
30:22Is Miss Cook coming?
30:25Couldn't drag her away from the studio.
30:28Declan goes live in a matter of days.
30:31And here's our star!
30:36Ah!
30:38Pretty much more beautiful in the flesh, Mrs. Harper.
30:42Declan.
30:42Tony.
30:43We're so glad you're here.
30:44Everyone's dying to meet some new people.
30:46We're all very bored of each other.
30:48The Maud O'Hara.
30:50My favourite actress, Baz.
30:52The better bad here.
30:54If you say so.
30:56So please, you can make it, Bazel.
30:57Declan, let me show you off to some board members.
31:00Why don't we get you a drink?
31:01You were wonderful as Lady Macbeth.
31:17Girl, I'm going to Lord B's party.
31:19I turned Tony down.
31:21Not my kind of crowd.
31:22Is that the only reason?
31:25What other reason would there be?
31:29I want your opinion.
31:30I'm not paid to have opinions.
31:33Now, I agreed to ditch the sofa, but why a desk?
31:36It's not a news anchor.
31:37Perhaps he wants to hide behind it.
31:40It's not because he hasn't got good legs.
31:42I've looked.
31:47Steve, move the desk off the set for a minute.
31:49Deckman asked for the desk.
31:50Yeah, I want to see it without the desk.
31:51It's just we built the desk.
31:52I'm not telling you to burn a damn thing.
31:54I'm telling you to move it so I can see the set.
31:55Can you do that?
31:56All right, keep your wig on.
31:59That's funny.
32:00You know what isn't funny?
32:03Looking for another fucking job.
32:15It's better.
32:16See?
32:17It's better.
32:28Oh, Rupert's arrived.
32:34Really?
32:35That's Gerald.
32:37Rupert's aide.
32:38We go way back.
32:41Where's your gorgeous Lord and Martha?
32:43He's not here.
32:44Damn it.
32:45I have a pile of papers for him to sign and I can only pin him down at parties.
32:48You can pin me down later, if you like.
32:54All of all, thank you.
32:56Actually, I think I might just...
33:00Lizzie.
33:01Lizzie.
33:03Um, I think the mum wants you.
33:06He doesn't want me.
33:08That's my husband.
33:10That's all right.
33:31I feel like I should be reading the news.
33:34Um, fortunately we have the wonderful James Verica to do that instead.
33:39Um, now, I won't keep you from your lunch, uh, but I'm very glad to have you all here to
33:44celebrate Carinium's newest star with me.
33:47Ladies and gentlemen, Declan O'Hara.
33:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:55DECAN JOINS
33:56Carinium, of course, on the crest of a wave.
33:58Uh, wonderful ratings for our prestige drama Four Men Went to Mow.
34:03Who knew arable farming could be so sexy?
34:05LAUGHTER
34:06Uh, and with revenue from our sales to America,
34:10we are confident that this is going to be our most successful autumn ever.
34:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:17You've jumped over six full grown men.
34:20LAUGHTER
34:22LAUGHTER
34:23LAUGHTER
34:23LAUGHTER
34:26LAUGHTER
34:26Oh, my God, it's him.
34:28So sorry, sorry.
34:30Didn't mean to steal your thunder.
34:32No fire engines with you today.
34:34LAUGHTER
34:34LAUGHTER
34:36Um, please, uh, go on to your speech.
34:39Oh, hello, darling.
34:41Hello.
34:42Um...
34:43But, Declan, you are undoubtedly the jewel in the Carinium crown,
34:48and I know everyone here joins me in welcoming you,
34:51your wife, Maud, and your daughter, Agatha,
34:54to our Cotchester family.
34:56Declan O'Hara, ladies and gentlemen.
34:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:06Lunch, everybody.
35:08Good lunch.
35:09Thank you, dear.
35:09Thank you, dear.
35:14Thank you, dear.
35:16Is it loving in your eyes all the way?
35:23If I listen to your lies, would you say
35:29I am a man
35:33with all this food people are always saying you should write a book mrs. Jones you've
35:43led such a fascinating life funny people are always telling me I should open a shop
35:51so where have you moved to which is green lawns it's a lovely house now we've added
35:55the extension and double glazed over those drafty our windows those Victorians must have
36:00worn a lot of jumpers very good but the only house I know around there was bottom hollow
36:06court and green lawn sounded so much prettier especially now we've a landscape the garden no
36:10tatties Fred Fred Lord Baddingham is wearing my Fred Fred for his board I'm encouraging him to get
36:20more cultured we could do with a few more caring wives of career please call me mouthing all of my
36:28friends do she can't find some way to let's mousy do move on to something soft darling we don't want
36:36the hump ball again I do so enjoy you my husband tells me you're one of the most powerful men
36:45in
36:45England yeah I suppose I am and I expect you're allowed a few potatoes
36:56should we find my booze hello Duncan I'll see you later we were all so surprised when you left the
37:07BBC for
37:08Carinium do you miss your integrity or do you feel lighter without it what was it the private I called
37:14you the first not quite a lady of Fleet Street was it
37:29I've met a few athletes in my time they always get what they want and what do we want to
37:35win
37:35well sadly I'm not sure jumping anymore well you're still athletic you're certainly too disturbing to be
37:45living across the valley ah there you are finally sure guy himself mr. Cumberblack getting to know the
38:00neighbors huh taggy have you met Rupert no I gotta remember Agatha my daughter head tacky I hear you
38:12did a hatchet job on Paul Stratton that I'd have loved to see mmm she make a dent in Tony's
38:22whiskey
38:22collection why not you hiding again well they're just at the end of dust rain gold I think you are
38:46there with me bloody Rupert I want to get this over with no come here company from going to him
38:55for
38:56legitimacy all he did for a status we've been born into it it's just social currency darling it's the
39:01way the world works public school wiker well should we send Archie to a comprehensive and save on the
39:05school fees you'll only make you feel inferior if you give him permission now deep breath shoulders back
39:19working the weekend yeah I hope Tony's paying you handsomely ginger come on dogs took some digging
39:27but I found these I think you'll enjoy them it's a little Declan O'Hara insurance
39:57peaceful is the country that is strongly earned hmm buddy
40:02wedding and family motto circa 1972 Lord pop pop Tony's father made his millions in munitions during the
40:15war that's why Tony married lady monica of the Glen he had daddy's cash mon mon had the house and
40:22what
40:23Tony wants most of all class why are the English so obsessed with class money Declan I was only asking
40:34Mr. Cumberblog a correction though Rupert you've met Declan then anyone want another drink oh you found
40:42one hmm it's decent scotch did Monica choose it and that ignore us our family go back a long way
40:51not
40:51that far listen uh kind of work Rupert in private a business proposition well we're all friends here
40:59I think you could say to me that dear Morty shouldn't hear I am NOT drinking sherry with the wives
41:05while the
41:05men of all the fun oh you want to be here when Tony asked me to be on his board
41:09all right it's a lucrative
41:21game I thought you wanted it's so hard to take you seriously Tony you just always sound like you're
41:27playing Monopoly the answer's no Lady Gosling thinks I can give you some class help you keep your
41:35franchise but I'm not using my family name so you can buy yourself a bigger helicopter Tony Paul
41:44Stratton's here ah sorry we're late everyone bit of trouble getting out of bed actually yeah you
41:53not newlywet alike oh mind yourself in those jeans you bend over your eyes will pop out and the new
41:59Mrs. Stratton now you are very welcome upgrade well done Paul but do you know Declan O'Hara oh yes
42:10yeah you did us all a favor actually Mr. O'Hara good to get everything out in the open we're
42:15insanely
42:15happy don't we Paul I'm a new man excuse me I heard about you catching Campbell black playing tennis in
42:45the
42:45Noddy that's enough to upset anyone who knows about that well my whole valley knows about the fire
42:54engines and I know who the mystery woman was now don't I
43:06you
45:00Fuck!
45:17I'm going to ruin you.
45:37I'm so sorry.
45:42I wouldn't mind, but that's my car.
45:57So it's Rupert now, is it?
45:59It was a conversation.
46:00I was conversing.
46:01You were all over him.
46:03Oh, now I can't even talk to a man without you assuming that I'm after him.
46:06Oh, grow up.
46:07God, I didn't ask to come here.
46:09You're the one that took the check and just sold us all out.
46:11Yeah, Maude, it's a horrible house and you live a terrible life.
46:14Well, these are our people now.
46:16Oh, my God, they're all horses and dogs and houses and cars and who's got the longest fucking driveway?
46:22Oh, my God, the men are all desperate to ride anything as long as they're not married to it.
46:26Oh, my God, the wives, Jesus, they haven't had an orgasm since pony club camp.
46:38That's not us, is it?
46:43Everyone was looking at you.
46:45Her?
46:47And did you like that?
46:50Oh, God.
46:51How much?
46:52How much did you say like that?
46:54That's happy.
46:56I'm not.
46:57I love it.
46:58Oh, my God.
47:13Oh, my God.
47:46Oh, my God.
47:49Oh, my God.
47:51Oh, my God.
47:52Oh, my God.
47:52Oh, my God.
47:57Oh, my God.
47:57Oh, my God.
47:58Oh, my God.
47:59Oh, my God.
47:59Oh, my God.
47:59Oh, my God.
48:00Oh, my God.
48:02Oh, my God.
48:03Oh, my God.
48:21Yes.
48:23Yes, fine.
48:26No, it was, uh, a buffet table.
48:31Of course, see you at 9am.
48:34You have a good evening, Prime Minister.
48:42Come on, dogs. Daddy's in trouble again.
49:03Mummy and Daddy are clearly back on track.
49:06Was Rupert there?
49:07Yeah.
49:10I think so.
49:19As she gazed at the Ocaseats with their burnished bohemian beauty,
49:23entering this world of unbridled passion, she worried.
49:29Little did Dermot Ocasey know that he had brought his family into the wild.
49:34Into a world of untamable beasts, giving in to their basest needs.
49:48Hungry for sex.
49:55Hungry for status.
50:00Hungry for love.
50:10Hungry for power.
50:12You know, Campbell Black is finished after today.
50:15Hungry for comfort.
50:17Are you coming to bed?
50:18You had better be stopped while I'm not sure when I get through that.
50:24Good dog.
50:25Good dog.
50:26Fly down.
50:34My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.
50:54Because as seductive as his predators might be,
50:57one should always beware of being eaten.
51:13Oh, yes!
51:15Oh, yes!
51:25This is a surprise.
51:27The Prime Minister wasn't thrilled about seeing her Minister's private lives
51:31splashed all over the papers.
51:32Paul Stratton's been shuffled to the back benches.
51:35Oh, dear.
51:35Have you lost your job?
51:37No, not at all.
51:38No.
51:38No, Mrs. Thatcher's given me a promotion.
51:41I'm her new Minister for Sport.
51:43So?
51:46I couldn't have done it without you.
51:50You had to come all this way to tell me that?
51:53I want you to keep your grubby little nose out of my affairs.
51:59Maggie will see through you soon enough, you overprivileged cunt.
52:07I have to try harder than that if you want to beat me, Lord Battingham.
52:18I have to try harder than that if you want to beat me, Lord Battingham.
53:03I have to try harder than that if you want to beat me, Lord Battingham.
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