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00:30:51You know, with Einstein and guys like that?
00:30:54You know, scientists, you know?
00:30:57A time machine for time travel.
00:31:00Do they have one?
00:31:01What?
00:31:07Jesus.
00:31:08I knew that was too much to hope for.
00:31:12No, no, they got a time machine.
00:31:14They do?
00:31:15Yeah.
00:31:16Are you sure?
00:31:17Yeah.
00:31:17Can it get me back to 2005?
00:31:19Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive.
00:31:21And it breaks all the time because some smart guy made it a long time ago.
00:31:25I don't care.
00:31:25Just get me there, okay?
00:31:27Please.
00:31:28Listen, I...
00:31:29I...
00:31:30I supersize with you, but didn't you go to jail for not having enough money?
00:31:35Okay, how about this?
00:31:36You get me to the time machine, and when I get back, I open a savings account in your name.
00:31:41That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions.
00:31:44Billions!
00:31:45Because...
00:31:46Because of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars.
00:31:48Oh, I like money.
00:31:50Yeah.
00:31:51How many billions?
00:31:53Like, 10.
00:31:54Yeah, suck one.
00:31:56Time machine costs, like, 20.
00:31:57Yeah, okay.
00:31:59Uh, 30, Frito.
00:32:0130 billion dollars.
00:32:0330 billion.
00:32:05So, if you gave me 30 billion, and the time machine is 20, what's the minus of 30 and 20?
00:32:12Uh, it's, uh, it's 80, Frito.
00:32:15It's 80 billion dollars.
00:32:17That's mighty big minus, isn't it?
00:32:18Yeah.
00:32:19I like money, though.
00:32:20Police, open the door!
00:32:22We're looking for an escaped individual.
00:32:24This particular individual's name is not sure.
00:32:27Um, he, he's somewhere else.
00:32:32Uh, hey, you got something I can...
00:32:33Somewhere else.
00:32:34Oh, yeah, there's pro-wear on the top and a sword in the middle.
00:32:36A coat machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo.
00:32:39Seem to be heading for this particular dome style.
00:32:42Okay, sir, we're coming in.
00:32:43No, you can't come in.
00:32:45Can't, too!
00:32:46All right, let's go get my billions.
00:32:50Oh, okay, one more thing up.
00:32:52We gotta go find this Rita first, okay?
00:32:55Is she banging?
00:32:56Yeah, sure she is.
00:32:58That wasn't really part of the deal.
00:33:00Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right?
00:33:02I like money.
00:33:04Okay, her pod's up here on the right.
00:33:05She shouldn't be too far away, I hope.
00:33:08Oh, girl.
00:33:09Oh, yeah?
00:33:10So, when are we gonna do it?
00:33:12Because you've been charging me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days.
00:33:15Oh, yeah, soon, baby, soon.
00:33:18Hey, you know what?
00:33:19Why don't you come back tomorrow?
00:33:22Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah.
00:33:24Yeah?
00:33:24When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me.
00:33:28That's right.
00:33:29Whatever you say, sir.
00:33:31Hey, and you still on the clock?
00:33:33Yeah, girl.
00:33:37Rita!
00:33:37Rita!
00:33:38It's me, Joe, from the experiment.
00:33:40Get in the car, come on.
00:33:41Oh, yeah.
00:33:42Hey, what the hell, man?
00:33:44Just get in the car.
00:33:44I'll explain everything.
00:33:46Where are we going?
00:33:47Just get in the car.
00:33:48What happened to those army guys?
00:33:54Wait a minute.
00:33:54You got cops after you?
00:33:56Yeah.
00:33:57And you made me get in the car?
00:33:58I got two strikes, asshole.
00:34:00Credo, take it right here.
00:34:01Right, right.
00:34:02Into that dust storm, Credo.
00:34:10You must have just forgotten about us.
00:34:12He spared 500 years?
00:34:15Oh, hell no.
00:34:16Upgrade, you're gonna kill me.
00:34:18He gets me when I'm a day late with his money.
00:34:20So you owe your boyfriend money?
00:34:22Well, yeah.
00:34:23He's sort of my manager, too.
00:34:26You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit.
00:34:29Look, Rita, you've got to understand that Upgrade's been dead for a long time now.
00:34:34Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right?
00:34:37Yeah.
00:34:37Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past, but there was no time machine
00:34:42back then, so...
00:34:43Upgrade don't care where the time machine is.
00:34:45Now, then, last week, he won't find a way to come get his money.
00:34:50Well, all I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it.
00:34:52You know what?
00:34:53The last time you told me not to worry was 500 goddamn years ago when you were trying to tell
00:34:56me to get in some sort of tricked-out army coffin.
00:34:58Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay, but I'm doing everything I can to get us back there,
00:35:02okay?
00:35:03I promise you.
00:35:04You are harboring a fugitive by the name of Not Sure.
00:35:08Please pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger.
00:35:11Oh, hell no.
00:35:12You know what?
00:35:12Thank you for your help.
00:35:12You gotta let him out of here.
00:35:13Right now.
00:35:14If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail.
00:35:16Trust me, you don't want to get thrown in the jails I got around here.
00:35:18I've been in them.
00:35:19They're bad.
00:35:19You're better off being with us as bad as that sounds.
00:35:22Wait, what are you doing?
00:35:23Why are we slowing down?
00:35:24Turned off my battery.
00:35:31Look, how far is it?
00:35:32Can we just take a cab or something?
00:35:38Holy shit.
00:35:53What the hell's wrong with you?
00:35:54That's your car.
00:35:56Oh, hell yeah.
00:35:58He all died.
00:36:01Come on.
00:36:02Let's get out of here.
00:36:12Hey, how much farther is it?
00:36:15Uh, it's like far.
00:36:18Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?
00:36:21Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a handjob, Joe.
00:36:25Jesus.
00:36:28Better than Superman.
00:36:30Man, he don't seem too bright.
00:36:32You sure he knows where he's going?
00:36:34I sure hope so.
00:36:35It's our only chance.
00:36:38How'd you hook up with this guy anyway?
00:36:40He's my lawyer.
00:36:42And he's not a very good one either.
00:36:45He's a goddamn idiot.
00:36:47There's a saddle down in the Costco.
00:36:49Drop us right by the time machine.
00:37:12Oh, look.
00:37:13One more thing.
00:37:14He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars if he takes us there.
00:37:17So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay?
00:37:22Yeah, well, what the time machine don't work?
00:37:24Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it.
00:37:32Welcome to Costco.
00:37:33I love you.
00:37:35Welcome to Costco.
00:37:37I love you.
00:37:38Welcome to Costco.
00:37:40I love you.
00:37:41Welcome to Costco.
00:37:54We've been walking forever.
00:37:56You sure you know where you're going?
00:37:57Yeah, I know this place pretty good.
00:37:59I went to law school here.
00:38:01In Costco?
00:38:03Yeah, I couldn't believe it myself.
00:38:05Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.
00:38:10Hey, come on, Joe.
00:38:12I already told you.
00:38:13We don't like a hand job, but we don't have time for it.
00:38:36The shuttle comes every few minutes.
00:38:39Shouldn't be long.
00:38:40Do I got time to use the bathroom?
00:38:46The toilet?
00:38:48Be right back.
00:38:49Yeah, back that thing up.
00:38:51Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe?
00:38:54What?
00:38:55I like having sex with chicks.
00:38:56Yeah?
00:38:57Yeah.
00:38:57I think everybody does, Frito.
00:38:59Not like I do.
00:39:00Like when you get it like this sideways, then you just like back it up.
00:39:04That's real good.
00:39:05Oh, yeah.
00:39:07Stop, you're going to get us a car.
00:39:09Warning.
00:39:10Warning.
00:39:10Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702.
00:39:14Hey, what about Rita?
00:39:15We can't just leave her here.
00:39:16I don't care.
00:39:19Shit.
00:39:21Wait a second.
00:39:22What are we going to do?
00:39:23Wait, okay, I know.
00:39:24Here's what we do.
00:39:25We just go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past, I tell her not to
00:39:29do
00:39:29the experiment, then she won't even be here.
00:39:31That'll work, right?
00:39:32No, no, wait a second.
00:39:34She already is here, so that must mean I didn't go back in time, right?
00:39:38Please stand.
00:39:38No, but hold on.
00:39:39It just means I haven't done it yet.
00:39:41Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment, then I won't have to do
00:39:45it either because she won't be here, then I won't have to come back and save her,
00:39:48right?
00:39:49Please stand.
00:39:49But then, wait, why am I still here?
00:39:51Goddamn, how does the time travel work?
00:39:54Please stand.
00:39:55Freeze!
00:39:55Hands up!
00:39:57Get your hands up!
00:39:58Get rid of me!
00:40:12Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail, just go ahead and shoot me because there's
00:40:16no way to...
00:40:17Ow!
00:40:17Fuck!
00:40:18Ow!
00:40:19Ow!
00:40:20Ow!
00:40:20What?
00:40:21Ow!
00:40:22Ow!
00:40:23Ow!
00:40:24Ow!
00:40:25Ow!
00:40:25Ow!
00:40:26Ow!
00:40:27Goddamn!
00:40:28Stop!
00:40:30What is this?
00:40:32Okay, sir, this is the White House.
00:40:34What are we doing at the White House?
00:40:36What?
00:40:37Ow!
00:40:38Ow!
00:40:39It turned out the results of Joe's IQ test had caught the attention of the highest levels
00:40:46of government.
00:40:47Okay, wait a minute.
00:40:48I'm the smartest guy in the world?
00:40:50Well, it says who?
00:40:51The IQ test you took in prison.
00:40:53You got the highest score in history.
00:40:55Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
00:40:57Yeah, dumbass. You've been smarter than President Camacho.
00:40:59That's how come he's making you Secretary of Interior.
00:41:02Okay, so who are you?
00:41:04I'm the Secretary of Energy.
00:41:06I won a contest. Got to be a Cabinet member.
00:41:09I'm the Secretary of State.
00:41:11Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
00:41:13Why do you keep saying that?
00:41:14Because they pay me every time I do.
00:41:16It's a really good way to make money.
00:41:18You're so smart. Why don't you know that?
00:41:22You're the Secretary of Defense.
00:41:24Huh?
00:41:25And the fun bags over there is the Attorney General.
00:41:28Hi.
00:41:30And that's the Secretary of Education.
00:41:34It's kind of stupid,
00:41:36but he's President Camacho's stepbrother.
00:41:38Still does a pretty good job, eh?
00:41:40Yeah.
00:41:41You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake
00:41:43because the test I took was real, real easy.
00:41:47I am not the smartest guy in the world.
00:41:50Okay?
00:41:56Okay, even if that were true,
00:41:58I can't be the Secretary of the Interior.
00:42:00I don't even know what it is.
00:42:01You better find out.
00:42:03Sit down.
00:42:04President Camacho.
00:42:05Hey, hey, hey, yo.
00:42:06I gotta take care of some business, baby.
00:42:08So I need y'all to wait outside.
00:42:09Dwayne Elizondo Camacho.
00:42:12Five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion,
00:42:15porn superstar,
00:42:17and President of the United States
00:42:19had called a special summit
00:42:21with the smartest man in the world.
00:42:23So you smart, huh?
00:42:25No.
00:42:25No.
00:42:28I thought your hair would be bigger.
00:42:35God damn.
00:42:37It could look like a peanut.
00:42:40Let's get you sworn in.
00:42:55Ladies and gentlemen,
00:42:57the President of America!
00:43:03President Camacho!
00:43:12Sit your monkey ass down.
00:43:14Chill out.
00:43:23I know she's bad right now
00:43:25with all that starving bullshit
00:43:27and the dust storms
00:43:28and we running out of french fries
00:43:30and burrito coverings.
00:43:31Yeah.
00:43:33But I got a solution.
00:43:34That's what you said last time, dipshit.
00:43:36I got a solution?
00:43:37You're a dick!
00:43:38South Carolina, what's up?
00:43:48That's what I thought!
00:43:54Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now,
00:43:58but listen up.
00:44:00I got a three-point plan to fix everything.
00:44:03Break it down.
00:44:04Number one,
00:44:06we got this guy not sure.
00:44:10Number two, he's got a higher IQ than any man alive.
00:44:15And number three, he's going to fix everything.
00:44:19I give you my word as president.
00:44:23He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops.
00:44:25He's going to make them grow again.
00:44:29And that ain't all.
00:44:31I give you my word.
00:44:35He's going to fix the dust storms too.
00:44:40I give you my word.
00:44:42He's going to fix the common.
00:44:48He's so smart.
00:44:51He's going to do it all in one week.
00:44:56President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone that Joe would solve all their problems.
00:45:03He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy,
00:45:07but he would cure acne and car sickness as well.
00:45:11And if he didn't, President Camacho made another promise.
00:45:15He would kick Joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth
00:45:19and then he would throw his brainy ass back in jail.
00:45:28I should be honest with you, Mr. President.
00:45:30I don't know how to be secretary of anything.
00:45:32I mean, I've never even voted, actually.
00:45:34I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is.
00:45:37Come on, scro.
00:45:39Don't be a pussy.
00:45:40It beats jail, don't it?
00:45:42Besides, you do a kick-ass job,
00:45:46you get a full presidential party.
00:45:48No jail time.
00:45:50Yeah?
00:45:50Fuck yeah!
00:45:53Now give me a beer.
00:45:54Now get you one, too.
00:46:02Shit!
00:46:04Hold on, vato!
00:46:07Whoa!
00:46:08Whoa!
00:46:10Whoa!
00:46:11Whoa!
00:46:13Whoa!
00:46:14Whoa!
00:46:29Do something smart.
00:46:31Eh.
00:46:32Uh, okay.
00:46:36Uh, I'll, uh...
00:46:39Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted.
00:46:41Oh, okay, great.
00:46:43Thanks.
00:46:43Uh, right now I'm going to, uh,
00:46:45uh, you know, confer with my counsel.
00:46:48You understand?
00:46:49So I'll be right back.
00:46:50I'm gonna go, uh,
00:46:52just work on some crop stuff,
00:46:53get that taken care of.
00:46:54Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here.
00:46:57That's pretty smart.
00:46:59Right here, okay?
00:47:00Stay there.
00:47:01Dude, this is trepidatious.
00:47:02You got me a room.
00:47:03That's the White House.
00:47:04Everyone gets laid at the White House.
00:47:06Everyone.
00:47:06Yeah.
00:47:07Well, I'm real glad you're happy to be here for help,
00:47:09but I brought you here to help me, okay?
00:47:11I don't know the first thing about growing crops,
00:47:13much less the goddamn economy.
00:47:16Econ-economy.
00:47:18Let's see.
00:47:20Growing crops.
00:47:21No, I-I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine.
00:47:25Oh, that's easy.
00:47:26What, you go down by the museum and stuff?
00:47:29It's like-it's like by the museum.
00:47:31Sort of, but actually not really.
00:47:34More like the-on the street.
00:47:36You go, um, wait, let me start it over.
00:47:39Okay, you know where the time machine is?
00:47:41Hey, just draw me a map, okay?
00:47:44You still want the money?
00:47:46Oh, if I had some money and a room at the White House,
00:47:49I would be like, it's mine!
00:47:52Listen, cut it out!
00:47:53All night!
00:47:54Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay?
00:47:57So act smart!
00:47:59Smart like you.
00:48:00Oh, I gotta go to the time machine.
00:48:02I wanna go home.
00:48:03I don't talk like that.
00:48:05I don't talk like that.
00:48:06Shit, I thought there was two of you.
00:48:08Ha!
00:48:09See?
00:48:11It doesn't look that big, isn't it?
00:48:12Okay, let's go take a look at those crops.
00:48:16Especially the ones, uh,
00:48:18you know, out around the museum area.
00:48:21All right?
00:48:23Hey, come on.
00:48:25Now, you either lead, follow,
00:48:29or get out of the way, all right?
00:48:32Whoa.
00:48:33Did you just make that up?
00:48:35Yes, I did.
00:48:36Now, look, I also need help finding this girl named Rita,
00:48:39like, immediately,
00:48:40and, uh, Frito will give you a hand with it.
00:48:41Why?
00:48:44Well, because, uh, you know,
00:48:45she'd be an essential, integral asset,
00:48:50you know, for our team,
00:48:51for us to, you know, utilize.
00:49:01Utilize her.
00:49:02Utilize her.
00:49:08You're gonna bring her here, right?
00:49:09Oh, yeah.
00:49:11But first...
00:49:15Utilize her.
00:49:17Okay.
00:49:31Uh, yeah.
00:49:33That sucks pretty bad.
00:49:34Frito, why don't you come over here
00:49:36and, uh, take a look at this.
00:49:38Come on, hustle over here, buddy.
00:49:39I want to figure this out.
00:49:41See, uh, just not a lot of moisture.
00:49:43Have you got them now?
00:49:45Oh, yeah.
00:49:46Discreetly.
00:49:52Right there.
00:49:53Nice.
00:49:54Stand.
00:49:55Stand.
00:49:57Yo, Mr. Secretary not sure.
00:49:59They found that whore you wanted.
00:50:00Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future,
00:50:03but come on.
00:50:04No, sir.
00:50:05Turns out she charged some guy a lot of money
00:50:07and didn't put out.
00:50:08Don't worry, though.
00:50:09We'll get her out on a work release whoring license
00:50:11as long as you're doing her.
00:50:13Hands off me.
00:50:14What do you think I'm gonna do?
00:50:15Run through the field?
00:50:16The fuck are you all standing?
00:50:19Joe?
00:50:20That's not sure, ma'am.
00:50:22Secretary not sure.
00:50:23Secretary?
00:50:24Secretary of what?
00:50:25Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together?
00:50:29Alone?
00:50:30You know?
00:50:32In the bushes?
00:50:36Oh, man.
00:50:39Oh, man!
00:50:41Oh, man!
00:50:53Jail, how'd you get to be the Secretary of Interior?
00:50:56Just keep walking.
00:50:56I'll explain everything.
00:51:08Hey, get ready to run.
00:51:12What?
00:51:12Oh, goddammit.
00:51:14Way to go, Frito.
00:51:15Oh.
00:51:16You know what?
00:51:16Just make a run for it anyways.
00:51:18We'll ask for directions on the way.
00:51:19No way, man.
00:51:20I spent the last two days looking for it.
00:51:21It ain't easy to find.
00:51:22Dammit, I can't go back to jail, and I sure as hell can't solve all these problems.
00:51:26Well, all's I know is I better find Upgrade before he finds me.
00:51:29Listen to me.
00:51:29Upgrade cannot find you, okay?
00:51:31It's impossible.
00:51:32Oh, yeah?
00:51:33Yeah!
00:51:33And even if Upgrade could somehow magically travel through time, we got Secret Service guys
00:51:39with huge guns protecting us, okay?
00:51:41So don't worry.
00:51:41You're safe.
00:51:42And you know what?
00:51:43It's none of my business, but when we get back, you and Upgrade should seriously think
00:51:47about couples counseling, okay?
00:51:48And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend.
00:51:53Hey!
00:51:56She not putting out?
00:51:57Uh, no, she is.
00:52:00We, uh, we already did it.
00:52:02Yeah.
00:52:03He was great.
00:52:06Okay.
00:52:07Hey, a couple of us guys were wondering, uh, if we go family-style on her.
00:52:15Uh, yeah, probably not right now.
00:52:18We should focus on the crops, so let's get back to work.
00:52:21Maybe later.
00:52:28What the hell is this?
00:52:33Tastes like Gatorade.
00:52:35Isn't that that Brondo stuff?
00:52:38They're watering crops with a sports drink?
00:52:42Brondo, the thirst mutilator, had come to replace water virtually everywhere.
00:52:47Water, the basic component of all life, had been deemed a threat to Brondo's profit margin.
00:52:53The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330, when the Brondo Corporation simply bought
00:53:00the FDA and the FCC, enabling them to say, do, and sell anything they wanted.
00:53:12Joe didn't know any of this, but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve.
00:53:20With his options running out, Joe took a bold step.
00:53:24He would not get out of the way.
00:53:26This time, he would lead.
00:53:28For the last time, I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brondo stuff.
00:53:34But Brondo's got what plants crave.
00:53:36It's got electrolytes.
00:53:37So wait a minute.
00:53:38What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the crops?
00:53:44Yes.
00:53:44Water.
00:53:45Like out the toilet?
00:53:47Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but yeah, that's the idea.
00:53:50But Brondo's got what plants crave.
00:53:53It's got electrolytes.
00:53:55Okay, look.
00:53:56The plants aren't growing.
00:53:58So I'm pretty sure that the Brondo's not working.
00:54:00Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow.
00:54:04Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet.
00:54:08Hey, that's good.
00:54:09You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?
00:54:11Yeah.
00:54:12Okay, look.
00:54:13You want to solve this problem.
00:54:14I want to get my pardon.
00:54:16So why don't we just try it, okay?
00:54:18And not worry about what plants crave.
00:54:21Brondo's got what plants crave.
00:54:23Yeah, it's got electrolytes.
00:54:25What are electrolytes?
00:54:26Do you even know?
00:54:27It's what they use to make Brondo.
00:54:30Yeah, but why did they use them to make Brondo?
00:54:34Because Brondo's got electrolytes.
00:54:39After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason and simply told the cabinet that he could talk
00:54:46to plants and that they wanted water.
00:54:49He made believers out of everyone.
00:54:53Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the
00:54:59decades, killing plants and leading to the dust bowl.
00:55:03As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water, promising that over time, plants would
00:55:11grow and the dust bowl would end.
00:55:14He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon.
00:55:18Or so it seemed.
00:55:24I hope something grows fast.
00:55:27Yeah, so we can haul our ass back home.
00:55:29Man, you really think those people would have starved to death?
00:55:33I don't know.
00:55:34I mean, how did the world ever get like this?
00:55:39You know things are bad when they're coming to me for answers.
00:55:42It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone.
00:55:45Mm-hmm.
00:55:46I'm not used to it.
00:55:47Yeah, me neither.
00:55:50You think Einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
00:55:55Yeah, I hadn't thought of that.
00:55:57Now you know why you built that bomb.
00:56:00Yeah.
00:56:03Hey, Joe, listen.
00:56:05Those cops...
00:56:06Oh, hey, I'm sorry about that.
00:56:07No, no, no.
00:56:08They said that you got me a pardon.
00:56:11You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so I guess I owe you
00:56:17one.
00:56:21You know, you know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to.
00:56:26Oh, no, I'm...
00:56:28I'm all right, yeah.
00:56:30Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrade would be too happy about that.
00:56:34You in bed with a stranger?
00:56:41You in bed with a stranger.
00:56:42I know.
00:56:43I know.
00:56:48Oh, boy.
00:56:59Oh, shit, it's Upgrade.
00:57:02Oh, shit.
00:57:03It's not Upgrade.
00:57:04Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked.
00:57:07But when the Brondo stock suddenly dropped to zero, leaving half the population unemployed,
00:57:12dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting, and screaming for Joe's head.
00:57:18An emergency cabinet meeting was called with the CEO of the Brondo Corporation.
00:57:23How come nobody's buying Brondo the thirst mutilator?
00:57:26Ah, shit.
00:57:26Half the country works for Brondo.
00:57:28Not anymore!
00:57:29And the stock has dropped to zero, and the computer did that auto layoff thing to everybody.
00:57:33We're already blowing!
00:57:35You think that makes the economy suck?
00:57:36Why is this happening?
00:57:37I think it's because we switched to water, but...
00:57:40You mean this is all your fault?
00:57:42What?
00:57:42Yeah.
00:57:43It's your fault.
00:57:44This shit started happening when we switched to water.
00:57:46Brondo by Carl's Jr. Brondo by Carl's Jr. Brondo by Carl's Jr. Brondo by Carl's Jr.
00:57:50Brondo by Carl's Jr. Brondo by Carl's Jr. Brondo by Carl's Jr.
00:57:53Fox News!
00:57:58He tried taking water from toilets, but it's Secretary Knott Shore who finds himself in the
00:58:04toilet now.
00:58:05And as history pulls down its pants and prepares to lower its ass on Knott Shore's head, it will
00:58:12be Daddy Justice who will be crapping on him this time.
00:58:15We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent for Micah Davis at the Extreme Court with highlights
00:58:21on today's trial.
00:58:25Thank you, Velveeta.
00:58:27Well, it started off boring and slow with Knott Shore trying to bullshit everyone with
00:58:32a bunch of smart talk.
00:58:34Blah, blah, blah.
00:58:35You gotta believe me.
00:58:38That part of the trial sucked.
00:58:40But then the Chief Jay just went off.
00:58:43He said, man, whatever.
00:58:44The guy's guilty as shit.
00:58:46We all know that.
00:58:47And he sentences us to one night of rehabilitation.
00:58:51Hey, rehabilitation?
00:58:53One night?
00:58:54Doesn't sound so bad.
00:58:56Not so bad, huh?
00:58:58Here's some highlights from last week's rehabilitation.
00:59:02Rehabilitation.
00:59:12And who could forget that wonderful finish by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones?
00:59:19And tomorrow night looks even more better.
00:59:22Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement.
00:59:27Wow.
00:59:28Thank you, Formica.
00:59:30So you think you can escape again like you did last time?
00:59:34No.
00:59:34They pretty much fixed that.
00:59:36How?
00:59:36They chained me to a big rock.
00:59:41Oh.
00:59:41Yeah.
00:59:42Look, Rita, get Frito.
00:59:45Get him to take you back to the time machine without me.
00:59:47Don't wait.
00:59:48No.
00:59:49You could have split on me before, but you didn't.
00:59:52Look, you want to pay me back?
00:59:53Just go back, okay?
00:59:55Tell people to read books.
00:59:58Tell people to stay in school.
01:00:00You know, tell people to just use their brains or something.
01:00:04You know, I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me.
01:00:07I never did anything with my life.
01:00:09At least you were an artist.
01:00:11You know?
01:00:11So just go back and...
01:00:17And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay?
01:00:22Good luck, Joe.
01:00:32Okay, let's fly it down and one more to go.
01:00:35Are you ready for a monster truck duel to the dead?
01:00:40Please give it up for the guitar.
01:00:44Okay, we're going to do this shit, but first, to lead us in the natural anthem, the star of All
01:00:50My Balls,
01:00:51Who are Bill Chubbies!
01:00:58Come here!
01:01:09That's just how that shit went on TV!
01:01:12Ah!
01:01:14This execution is brought to you by Brungle, the first billionaire.
01:01:18After you killed your fucking wife...
01:01:20Yeah.
01:01:21So, my car's out front whenever you want me to take you to that time machine.
01:01:29Thanks, Frito.
01:01:31Yeah.
01:01:33That's...
01:01:34Real bummer about Joe, huh?
01:01:38Yeah.
01:01:40Paul!
01:01:41Can you turn this up?
01:01:43I love rehabilitation.
01:01:56Okay, let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight, with a combined record of 62 kills.
01:02:04Please welcome Billy Mawamba and the Dew Dozer!
01:02:10Yeah!
01:02:10Yeah!
01:02:11Yeah!
01:02:13Yeah!
01:02:14Yeah!
01:02:21I got a truck, too, right?
01:02:23Yeah.
01:02:24Here it comes.
01:02:35Get in.
01:02:36Yeah, you still got the chain attached.
01:02:47Don't want to.
01:02:48Not the chain.
01:02:49We can break it off.
01:02:51Yeah, I got an idea.
01:02:53Put it in the trunk.
01:02:54Yeah, that'll work.
01:02:59Who's smart now?
01:03:00Let's bring out our frivolous.
01:03:02We tried to move in the country by throwing toilet water on crops.
01:03:06We cost millions of people their jobs.
01:03:08Let's get ready to rehabilitate.
01:03:10Not sure.
01:03:23Remember what he guessed this is how I was going to die.
01:03:26Are you ready for some car-on-car action?
01:03:29Yes.
01:03:32I can't watch this.
01:03:34This is going to be so sad.
01:03:37I hope I don't cry.
01:03:38I can't watch this.
01:03:38I can't.
01:03:38I can't.
01:03:40I can't.
01:03:40I can't.
01:03:42Shit.
01:03:43Frito, come here.
01:03:44Look.
01:03:45He was right.
01:03:46The water, it worked.
01:03:48Frito, can you get me over there?
01:03:51Yes.
01:03:53Throw you fucking morons to the rehabilitation place.
01:03:57This way?
01:03:58Yeah.
01:03:58Yeah.
01:04:03Come on, Frito, hurry.
01:04:04Now, the dude that everybody came here to see.
01:04:08The only undefeated officer ever in history.
01:04:12Coming out of the environment just to pound not sure's ass.
01:04:15Driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history.
01:04:20Bigger than the dildozer.
01:04:22Bigger than the ass blaster.
01:04:25Bigger and huger than everything ever before in history.
01:04:29The brand new ass dozer.
01:04:32Give it up for Pete Supreme.
01:04:34Please.
01:04:37Ah!
01:04:45Oh!
01:04:47Oh!
01:05:02Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh?
01:05:06We seem to be experimenting some technological differences.
01:05:11So, uh, shit.
01:05:18Oh, shit. That's a big pile of rocks.
01:05:24Kind of reminds me of the one time that I was young.
01:05:28Oh, shit, stop.
01:05:29We're gonna start without me supreme.
01:05:32Next on rehabilitation, yeah!
01:05:44Oh, shit.
01:05:48Come on.
01:05:50Come on, hurry.
01:06:03Goddamn it.
01:06:08Jesus, that was crazy.
01:06:13Mr. President, Mr. President, I need to talk to you.
01:06:16You gotta stop this thing.
01:06:18He was spraying him out of water.
01:06:19We've got some crops on the way here.
01:06:21They're growing.
01:06:22I didn't see no crops.
01:06:26They're gonna do the malaxia crunch on him.
01:06:31This is a hill near the pool.
01:06:33Don't tell nobody.
01:06:34Oh.
01:06:35Oh.
01:06:55So, uh, so the winner is, uh,
01:07:00gotta be shitting you.
01:07:01Did he win?
01:07:03Uh.
01:07:07Uh-oh.
01:07:08Look.
01:07:11Holy shit, it beats the rim!
01:07:24Hey, Fredo.
01:07:26Fredo, you remember those crops we saw off the road
01:07:28right by the Starbucks?
01:07:29Uh-huh.
01:07:31Hey.
01:07:32You wanna make some money?
01:07:33I like money.
01:07:49Hey, um, the, uh, the main screen is malfunctioning,
01:07:54and they're gonna need you outside immediately.
01:07:59There's a bunch of whores in the hallway.
01:08:00Come on, Fredo, hurry.
01:08:09Can't believe you like money, too.
01:08:11We should hang out.
01:08:13Totally.
01:08:38He's behind the truck.
01:08:46Behind the truck.
01:08:49Behind the truck, stupid.
01:09:02Look.
01:09:06Shit, that's a good deal.
01:09:10I got a bunch of money, too.
01:09:14I got what it was for.
01:09:16Huh.
01:09:17You think it was for lattes?
01:09:19Yeah, probably.
01:09:21So you like money and sex, you're tripping me out.
01:09:25What the fuck?
01:09:27What the fuck?
01:09:36What the fuck?
01:09:40Hold on, okay?
01:09:41Hey, everyone, just take it easy, okay?
01:09:44Can I just say something here?
01:09:48I don't even know what I'm guilty of here.
01:09:51I never said that I was the smartest person on earth.
01:09:54You people did.
01:09:55I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money, and I'm very sorry that that
01:10:00happened, but I'm telling you, if you put water on the crops, it might actually...
01:10:06No, it will work.
01:10:08I promise you.
01:10:09You just have to believe me.
01:10:11I just wanted to help you.
01:10:13That's all.
01:10:14So you can try and shoot me.
01:10:16You can try and run me over whatever.
01:10:18But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first.
01:10:23Do you really want to live in a world where you try to blow up the one person that's trying
01:10:28to help you?
01:10:40Hold on.
01:10:41Just hold on.
01:11:03Oh, man, that was great.
01:11:06Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there?
01:11:10Shit.
01:11:11What do I look like, a pants goblin?
01:11:13Wait, this reminds me of something.
01:11:16Uh, rehabilit...
01:11:19Rehabila...
01:11:20Rehabilation?
01:11:21Why do you keep trying to read that word?
01:11:23You a fag?
01:11:24I'm a fag your face.
01:11:35Come on, Fredo.
01:11:36Yeah, I don't think so.
01:11:40Oh, yeah.
01:11:55I don't think so.
01:12:23This guy just got his ass apart!
01:12:52I don't know.
01:12:53I don't know what to say.
01:12:55You know, you saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me.
01:12:59Yeah, well, you know, you were looking out for the whole world, so, you know, I thought someone should look
01:13:05out for you, too.
01:13:07Thanks.
01:13:09I can't believe I'm even saying this, but even though these people tried to kill me, you know, I think
01:13:14I'm actually going to kind of miss them.
01:13:17Yeah.
01:13:18Frito, he's going to give us a ride back to the time machine.
01:13:20I just, uh, I hope he's okay to drive.
01:13:25It's you.
01:13:26Oh, man, I really love your show.
01:13:28Thank you so much.
01:13:31Ah, Joe, I'm not going.
01:13:35What?
01:13:37I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again.
01:13:42Maybe it's time I got a new start.
01:13:44Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Starbucks here.
01:13:48I'm going to be a CEO.
01:13:50At Starbucks?
01:13:51Yeah.
01:13:52Yeah.
01:13:52You're still going to paint, though, right?
01:13:55Yeah.
01:13:57Sure.
01:13:59I guess this is goodbye, then.
01:14:05I got a couple presidential decrees to make.
01:14:09Now, show.
01:14:11Get your ass up here, wherever you is.
01:14:15I'm going to get a little peanut head up in here.
01:14:19Yo, yo.
01:14:21I have decided to make this man the man who solved all our problems.
01:14:30I have decided to make him my new Bob Brangler.
01:14:37Mr. President, no, thanks.
01:14:39That's real cool of you, sir, but I can't accept it, sir.
01:14:43What?
01:14:45What?
01:14:45Well, you know, I got to get home.
01:14:48But we still got all these problems.
01:14:50Well, look, you know, you're just going to have to solve them yourselves.
01:14:53How?
01:14:54Well, you don't think about it.
01:14:55You know, you're just going to have to figure it out, you know, like we did with the crops.
01:14:58But how are we going to figure out about the garbage ambulances and the comedy?
01:15:03And what about the nuclear reactor in Florida?
01:15:09It's broken, leaking, or something's happening.
01:15:12I thought it was in Georgia.
01:15:14Georgia's in Florida, dumbass.
01:15:17Hey, hey, I know.
01:15:18Let's put toilet water on it.
01:15:20Huh?
01:15:21Yeah.
01:15:22Yeah, that's a good idea.
01:15:23We did on the crops.
01:15:25Come on, Mato.
01:15:25Hey, you can't leave.
01:15:29Whatever happened to all that leave, follow, get out of the way shit, huh?
01:15:46I guess I just can't get out of the way anymore, can I?
01:15:49You know what?
01:15:50Forget about the time machine.
01:15:52Yeah!
01:15:56That ride sucks, anyways.
01:16:01Ride?
01:16:06Welcome to the time machine.
01:16:09We are going to take you back.
01:16:11First to the year 1939, when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime enslaved Europe and
01:16:17tried to take over the world.
01:16:19So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time?
01:16:22Yeah.
01:16:23You thought you could really travel through your time, huh?
01:16:25Yeah, I guess I did.
01:16:27Yeah.
01:16:28You're the smartest guy in the world.
01:16:29You're pretty dumb sometimes.
01:16:31So why didn't you tell us?
01:16:32Because I like money.
01:16:34I'm sorry.
01:16:35But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money.
01:16:39You know, because I can't go back in time and open a savings account.
01:16:43Yeah.
01:16:45Yeah.
01:16:46Yeah.
01:16:47Don't go on.
01:16:48It's okay.
01:16:50Well, I guess we're stuck here.
01:17:02And so, after serving a short term as vice president, Joe was elected the president of America.
01:17:09Frito became vice president, and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady.
01:17:15Today, I step into the shoes of a great man.
01:17:18A man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
01:17:26Under President Notchur's leadership, a new era dawned.
01:17:31You know, there was a time in this country when smart people were considered cool.
01:17:38Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things like build ships and pyramids, and they
01:17:45even went to the moon.
01:17:50And there was a time in this country a long time ago when reading wasn't just for fags,
01:17:57and neither was writing.
01:17:59People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories.
01:18:03So you cared whose ass it was, and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again.
01:18:30Joe and Rita had three children.
01:18:33The three smartest kids in the world.
01:18:36Vice president Frito took eight wives, and had a total of 32 kids.
01:18:4232 of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth.
01:18:50Okay, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind, but he got the ball rolling.
01:18:56And that's pretty good for an average guy.
01:19:15I do the best.
01:19:15I think there was a lot of people in this country.
01:19:17One of the most of them when they were with the people.
01:19:17No one of them.
01:19:18I'm looking for a lot of kids.
01:19:18And I've been playing a lot with the kids.
01:19:19I'm like, I know.
01:19:19You've never got a lot of kids.
01:19:20I'm going to be playing a game with my dad.
01:19:21And I'm just going to be playing it all so far.
01:19:23And he's going to play a game with the kids.
01:19:23And I'm like, I don't want to play a game with my kids.
01:19:24So I'm sorry.
01:19:24I'm so glad we're going to play with them.
01:24:00I'm gonna go find you something.
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