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00:09Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:47Enter.
00:54Squeeze me, please, lady.
00:57Yes, what is it?
00:58I'm coming here for to be learning the English oh no I'm Ali my name is Ali Ali Nadim I'm
01:09coming
01:09here for to be learning the English ah yes yes you wish to join our new class English as a
01:14foreign
01:15language yes please and I'm hoping to be unrolled talking to be unrolled like it say in your silly
01:23bus you mean hoping to be enrolled that is what I said hoping to be unrolled yes well I'm afraid
01:33you cannot be unrolled enrolled until the English teacher arrives now she should be here in a few
01:39minutes in the meanwhile perhaps you would care to wait in the classroom go down the corridor turn
01:44left at the bottom and wait in room five understand no let's start again go down the corridor down
01:56corridor good turn left turn left right confusing me left or right it's left look you just go down the
02:09corridor turn left and wait in room five room by ah now I'm understanding you room five yes jelly good
02:19thank you I'm not going where I'm looking no where I was going that made is the two of us
02:30excuse me sorry enter mrs. Courtney miss oh sorry I'm your new teacher Jeremy Brown BA oxon you're a man
02:44yes well this is most unsatisfactory this won't do at all I assure you my credentials are impeccable
02:49academically perhaps I'm talking about sex I also assure you my morals are perfectly respectable too I'm
02:57referring to the fact that you are a man I distinctly requested the local authority to send me a woman
03:03teacher especially in view of what happened with mr. Warburton mr. Warburton yes he was teaching English
03:09to foreign students last term I'm afraid he only lasted a month then he departed dead demented yes the strain
03:20was too much for him typical of the male sex no stamina always seem to be able to cope at
03:27first and
03:27then one day he just snapped it was really quite disgusting really what did he do climbed out of
03:33the classroom window onto the roof took off all his clothes and stood there stark naked singing I've got
03:38a lovely bunch of coconut well there's no need to worry on my account I mean I'm not likely to
03:45climb
03:45out of the classroom window I know you aren't oh thank you for your confidence it has nothing to do
03:50with confidence we've had the window frames nailed down how very thoughtful well I really would
03:57appreciate the job mrs. Courtney miss miss I am qualified and I rather do need a job up with the
04:02economic situation and inflation all right there's no need to whimper you can start immediately thank
04:07you on a month's trial thank you if you last that long I'll do my best yeah where will I
04:13find my
04:14students class five down the corridor internally right I'm looking forward to meeting them I'm sure
04:42well I'm pleased to meet you all we are all so pleased to be meeting you
04:48I am brown oh no
04:55you are committing a mistake mistake yes please you are not brown we are brown
05:02you are white my name is brown I am your teacher
05:08are you professori yes thank you right would you all like to sit down sit down I saw
05:31right I'll just take a note of all your names nationalities and occupations
05:36what's all right
05:40what's all right
05:41what's all right
05:44yes it's the first time I'm coming this is the first time I'm coming this is the class
05:48to learn English well I have the faintest idea of what you're saying but I'm sure you're
05:52not trying to find the needlework club it doesn't matter have a seat
05:59sit down
06:02no not there
06:14right I'll just go around the class and take your names yes yes what is your name
06:21Maximilian Andrea Archimedes Papandriani
06:26I think I'll just put you down as max take it you're Greek
06:30he's right from Athens good and what is your job I walk with sheeps
06:39you walk with sheeps
06:41shepherd you work on a farm
06:43no no no not far but you just said you work with sheep no no no no sheeps big sheeps
06:49woof woof woof woof woof woof
06:53ships
06:54yes sheeps
06:56tonkers
06:59tonkers
07:00tankers
07:01right
07:02I walk in office
07:04good thank you
07:05and your name
07:07Anna Schmidt
07:07German Au Pair
07:10usual German efficiency
07:12Germans are always efficient
07:14not a
07:14sorry
07:19Japanese
07:20much more
07:21efficient
07:22nine Germans are the best
07:24Japanese
07:25make a much better television
07:27and
07:28Camelos
07:30please let us have no racialism
07:34in this class all are equal
07:37your name
07:38Giovanni Cupello
07:41Italian
07:43where do you work?
07:45I work in
07:45Ristorante dei Popoli
07:47a waiter?
07:48no not a waiter
07:49a cucuda
07:49a cucuda
07:54si a cucuda ravioli
07:56a cucuda spaghetti
07:56a cucuda lasagna
07:58a cucuda everything
08:02a chef
08:04ok
08:08and your name?
08:10what is your name?
08:12what is your name?
08:14me?
08:15Jeremy Brown
08:16you
08:18Patanji
08:19what is your name?
08:20what is your name?
08:23Max
08:23Anna Schmidt
08:25Giovanni Cupello
08:27you
08:31oh
08:32oh
08:32I'm not
08:33puchh rai ho
08:34achha
08:35maa likh dhetti ho
08:36lichthi ho
08:37eight minute
08:37fitar na karo
08:38ji likhna par na
08:39atanji
08:43oh
08:45achha
08:46yes yes
08:47write your name down
08:48good good
09:05it's no good
09:06I need your name in English
09:08no Urdu
09:09no Urdu
09:24ah
09:26certificate of registration
09:28Jamila Ranja housewife
09:31thank you
09:32good
09:35and your name?
09:38I am Ali Nadim
09:40from Lahore
09:42I'm working at the moment
09:44not anywhere at all
09:51you're unemployed?
09:52yes please
09:54only one day a week
09:55I'm working
09:57what do you do then?
09:58I'm going to the
09:59unemployment exchange
10:01for to be collecting
10:02my money
10:03oh blimey
10:05I get more money
10:06for not being working
10:08than when I'm working
10:10yes but before you
10:11discovered this secret
10:13of eternal wealth
10:13what did you do?
10:15blimey
10:16I worked
10:17at the Tadi Mahal
10:19in Delhi?
10:20oh no
10:21patini
10:21Tadi Mahal
10:22can be the restaurants
10:23Jalikud
10:24chapati
10:25and papadams
10:27a thousand apologies
10:29for my lateness
10:30the omnibus
10:31was going backwards
10:34I'm sure there must be
10:35a more logical explanation
10:36it is the absolute truth
10:38I was told to be taking
10:40a number 27 omnibus
10:43and I complied
10:44but it went in a backward direction
10:47no I think you meant it was going the other way
10:49that is the gist of what I'm saying
10:51a thousand apologies
10:52sorry
10:53perhaps you'd like to sit next to Ali
10:55your countryman
10:56I can't sit there
10:57it's impossible
10:58why is it impossible?
10:59I'm sick
11:00oh dear
11:04no it's not contagious
11:05perhaps you want to come back
11:06when you're better
11:07I do not comprehend
11:08the gist of your conversation
11:10you said you were sick
11:11no no no no
11:13I am not referring
11:14to my physical state of mind
11:16my religion is sick
11:19and he is Muslim
11:21Islam is the only true faith
11:23and Muslims follow a false prophet
11:25how dare you be speaking
11:27you love God's holy messenger
11:28you damn fool
11:29Sikhs are unbelievers and infidels
11:32Sikhs are peace loving people
11:34and if you are not careful
11:36I will have much pleasure
11:37in dispatching you
11:39to your holy messenger
11:40with this
11:42I will not tolerate
11:43any religious intolerance
11:44now put that knife away
11:45he called me an infidel
11:47well he didn't mean it
11:48did you?
11:48most definitely
11:50but it's brah boy
11:52the five rivers of Punjab
11:54to slice your throat
11:55from there to there
11:57oh ear to ear
11:59ear to there
12:00oh there to here
12:01yes yes
12:02there will be no throat slicing
12:04in my class
12:05if you want to do that sort of thing
12:06you should have joined
12:07the sports and pastimes
12:09put your knife away
12:10and be a good chap
12:10and go and sit down
12:11how do you feel about
12:12Roman Catholics?
12:13oh
12:14I treat them like my brothers
12:16good
12:16well you can go and sit
12:17next to Giovanni
12:18a bit
12:19infidel
12:19gentlemen please
12:20you are here to learn English
12:22not start a holy war
12:23and what is your name?
12:26Ranjit Singh
12:27and you are from which country?
12:29Punjab
12:30and what is your job?
12:32I am a very important member
12:35of the British underground
12:36underground what?
12:39just the underground
12:41mind the dog
12:45oh
12:45that underground
12:48and your name?
12:50Harold
12:51Nagasumi
12:57my name
12:58Cardiff
12:59Japanese
13:00representative of
13:03Bushida
13:04electronics
13:05very good
13:06very good
13:08and finally
13:09your name
13:10por favor
13:11your name
13:12what is your name?
13:14por favor
13:15no need to ask
13:23what nationality you are
13:24por favor
13:25spanish
13:26por favor
13:27what is your job?
13:30por favor
13:34traballo
13:34ah
13:34traballo
13:35si
13:36trilaga
13:38a tree lager?
13:39what do you lag trees?
13:41one gin tonic
13:42two whisky coca
13:44trilaga
13:47tree lagers?
13:48si
13:48ah you work in a bar?
13:50si si
13:50bar
13:50bar
13:51well Mr. Bryan?
13:52yes thank you
13:53apart from one attempted murder
13:54and a possible race riot
13:56I seem to be coping
13:57reasonably well
13:58well what I really came
13:59to inform you about
14:00was the registration fees
14:01for the students
14:02ah
14:02now it's five pounds per head
14:04and I should be grateful
14:04if you would collect the money
14:05and bring it to my office
14:06in your tea break
14:07right I'll do that
14:08well we have one thing
14:09to be grateful for anyway
14:11sex won't be railing
14:13its ugly little head
14:14beg your pardon?
14:15well in my experience
14:16it isn't race or religion
14:17that causes the problems
14:19it's usually the presence
14:20of some foreign beauty
14:22jealousies intrigues
14:23all that sort of thing
14:24yes well looking at my class
14:26I don't think we'd be too bothered
14:27with anything like that
14:40I come to learn English
14:41have I come to the right place?
14:57enter
14:59mrs. courtney
15:00miss
15:00miss
15:01I've just brought the registration fees
15:03for the students
15:04ah good
15:04now how many students have you?
15:06nine
15:06so there should be
15:0745 pounds in there
15:09well that all depends
15:10upon the rate of exchange
15:11I don't know
15:14not all of them had
15:15five pounds in English money
15:16so I collected
15:1729 pounds 50 in sterling
15:18and the rest is made up
15:19of 2,000 yen
15:193,000 lira
15:22250 pesetas
15:2375 drachma
15:2450 francs
15:24and 12 Deutschmarks
15:26according to this morning's
15:27financial papers
15:27that should give us
15:28a profit of
15:29one pound 42 and a half p
15:31then I suggest
15:32you take it to the bank
15:33in the morning
15:33and convert it
15:34to English currency
15:35right
15:36I'll do that
15:37oh by the way
15:38how's the femme fatale?
15:40ah yes
15:40Danielle
15:41well at the moment
15:41she's in the tea room
15:42with Italy, Spain and Greece
15:43trying to establish
15:44diplomatic relations
15:46well I hope she's not
15:47going to cause any bother
15:48oh no I'm sure she won't
15:49look I'm gonna sit here
15:51no it's me
15:52who's gonna be sitting here
15:53and before you
15:55will sit over there
15:56and before you
15:56will sit over there
15:58you take it to me
15:59who me?
16:01you go back
16:01sit where you were before
16:02no I sit here
16:03you not sit here
16:04ha
16:04who's gonna be
16:05stopping me
16:06me
16:06ha
16:09yourself
16:09you think you're tough
16:11come out of sight
16:14okay
16:17where are you going?
16:18we go outside
16:19to have a punch down
16:20you mean a punch down?
16:21I'm going to
16:22how you say
16:23knock his bloody block off
16:26we say
16:26who's bloody blocker
16:27he's a knockered off
16:29oh just a minute
16:31what is all this about?
16:32I tell you Mr. White
16:33oh no excuse me
16:36it's about where we sit
16:37well what's wrong
16:38with where you were
16:38sitting before?
16:39it's my eyes
16:41professori
16:41I've got to sit
16:43near the front
16:45here
16:47I see
16:48and I suppose
16:48it's got nothing to do
16:49with the fact
16:49that Danielle
16:50is sitting here too
16:51she is?
16:56I never noticed
16:59you see
16:59it's my eyes
17:00I'm a little
17:00shorter sighted
17:03and also
17:04a much bigger line
17:04it's not true
17:05Mr. Green
17:06the name is brown
17:07you see
17:09I'm a colour blind
17:13and Max
17:14I suppose
17:15you've got trouble
17:15with your eyes as well
17:16have you?
17:17no no no
17:17my eyes are okay
17:18it's my ears
17:20I'm not hearing very well
17:22that's a likely story
17:24what you say?
17:26I say
17:27you both go back
17:28and sit where you were
17:29sitting before
17:29now
17:30Santa Maria
17:36I hope
17:37you don't think
17:38I was
17:38how you say
17:40too forward
17:42no no
17:43I'm sure
17:43you weren't
17:44in any way
17:44to blame at all
17:48teacher please
17:52Mr. Blown?
17:53yes
17:55please forgive
17:56my rapeness
17:56I apologise
17:57but I lost my way
17:58not to worry
17:59what is your name?
18:01chung su li
18:02chung su li
18:03and where are you from?
18:05democratic republic of china
18:08and what is your job?
18:10seclitaly
18:11chinese diplomat
18:12very nice
18:14right
18:15where shall we put you?
18:17taro
18:17how are relations
18:19between japan and china?
18:25depends on
18:26politicolo
18:27view pointo
18:30japan
18:33light
18:34wingo
18:35china
18:37refto
18:38wingo
18:38i see
18:40are you light wingo
18:42or reft wingo?
18:42right or no?
18:44i follow teaching
18:45of chairman mao
18:46ah well in that case
18:47you better sit next to
18:48jamila
18:48the indian lady
18:49all right
18:49thank you
18:50right now we will start
18:52by learning a few
18:52basic english verbs
18:54and firstly
18:56we will take
18:57the verb
18:58to be
18:58to be
18:59to be
19:00to be
19:01to be
19:01to be
19:11to be
19:12he is barbarian
19:15you are asking for a kick
19:17up your big brown backside
19:19pay attention please
19:21i am
19:23i am
19:24you are
19:26you are
19:27he she or it
19:29is
19:29he or he is
19:34we are
19:36you are
19:39they are
19:40they are
19:41all right
19:42i shall now go
19:44round the class
19:45and ask you each
19:47to give me a sentence
19:48using the verb
19:49to be
19:50to be
19:51taro
19:51i am
19:53ah so
19:58i am
20:00very
20:01happy
20:02to be
20:04learning
20:05go
20:05ingo
20:06leash
20:07very good
20:09good
20:11giovanni
20:12he is
20:13he is
20:15a fool
20:16good
20:18but not
20:19is it
20:19he is
20:20a fool
20:21yes
20:22he is
20:23a fool
20:23max
20:25she is
20:30she is
20:32beautiful
20:33she is
20:35wonderful
20:36she is
20:38yes yes
20:39thank you
20:39max
20:41juan
20:42it
20:43is
20:44por favor
20:47it
20:48is
20:53it is
20:54raining
20:55yo viendo
20:56it is
20:57raining
20:57no no no
21:00it is raining
21:06we are
21:09it is
21:19duty
21:20of every
21:21citizen
21:23so say
21:24chairman
21:25maw
21:25yes well that's his opinion good Danielle we are we are lucky to have such
21:42very true I mean Ali you are
21:55you are you are waiting for me to speak an answer
22:02well done unfortunately I'm not understanding the question
22:10I want you to give me a sentence using you are I am no not I am you are for
22:18example you are from
22:19Pakistan I am from Pakistan yes but now use you are but I cannot say you are from Pakistan because
22:27you are not repeat after me you are English no no I am from Pakistan what am I you are
22:37confusing me
22:38you are stupid buff don't you find me a buff buff I've been treating you sit down sit down please
22:55right
22:59and there's really not much more we can do until you all get the textbooks I was telling you about
23:05what I would like you to do is some homework all right I want you to write me an essay
23:10short story about your life here in England things you do with the things you like
23:16and I'll see you all on Wednesday
23:22oh Mrs. Faughton miss miss well I just dismissed the class for the night I think we've just about
23:28covered all there is to for the first session you look a trifle under the weather job getting
23:32you down already no no I'm fine never felt better please just one thing though yes that window you
23:39nailed down the one mr. warburton climbed out of what about it I think we ought to put a few
23:42more nails in
23:43just be on the safe side
24:15I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to
24:21put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails
24:24in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it
24:26I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to
24:29put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails
24:29in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it
24:29I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to
24:29put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails
24:30in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it
24:32I think we ought to put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to
24:33put a few more nails in the back of it I think we ought to put a few more nails
24:40in
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