00:08Guru Puppet G, it's me, Timmy.
00:10Have you made any progress since our last session?
00:13Well, I don't know, Puppet G.
00:15This whole virus shelter at home has got me all in a tizzy.
00:20Well, let us back up to the beginning and begin again from the beginning.
00:26Breathe in with a deep, disinfecting, cleansing breath.
00:33Slowly exhale all the bad, evil, toxic, impeachable offenses of the mind.
00:40Yes, that's it, that's it.
00:43And now say, there's no place like Own.
00:49There's no place like Own.
00:51I can't do it anymore, Puppet G.
00:53Puppet G, this pandemic is ruining my brand.
00:57Sounds like you need a little spiritual test.
01:00Test?
01:01How did you get a test?
01:03I want a test.
01:05Oh, sorry, my bad.
01:06I meant checkup.
01:08Spiritual checkup.
01:10Yeah, I like checkups.
01:12Timmy, how's your turd eye?
01:14My what?
01:16Your turd eye.
01:18Come again?
01:19Your turd eye.
01:20Oh, you mean third eye.
01:22Yes, your third eye.
01:23Not good, G.
01:25I've been drinking fluoride quarantinis every day for a month, and I feel like I have a giant poop emoji
01:31for a brain.
01:33Oh, good awareness.
01:35This is good.
01:36What else?
01:36Well, I disinfected all the doorknobs and surfaces in my house a thousand times.
01:42Fantastic, Timmy.
01:44You're flattening the curve.
01:46No, there's no flattening the curves over here.
01:48I put on about five pounds.
01:51Well, here is my diagnosis of hoosey-whatsis.
01:54Your what?
01:55My diagnosis of hoosey-whatsis.
01:57Oh, you mean your diagnosis.
01:59Yes.
02:00Yeah.
02:01You need to meditate three times a day, my friend.
02:07Practice the gratitude practice.
02:09And say three Hail Marys and use all caps and hyphens when applying for the stimulus small business package.
02:16Oh.
02:17Well, hang on, Puppet G.
02:18I've got to write this down.
02:19Okay, time's up.
02:21Don't forget Venmo, PayPal, or Bitcoin.
02:23And remember, Namaste inside.
02:29Okay, let me figure out how to leave the meeting.
02:34Leaving the meeting.
02:35I'm leaving the meeting.
02:36Don't forget to send the payment.
02:38Leaving the meeting.
02:39There we go.
02:40Yes.
02:44Ah, Timmy.
02:46Did we have a session scheduled for today?
02:48I'm right in the middle of my alone by myself doing nothing practice time.
02:53No, Puppet G, but I do need to express my truth about our last Zoom call.
02:58Hmm.
02:58You cut me off, man.
03:00I got my feelings hurt.
03:01Isn't that what Novocaine is for?
03:04Well, yeah, but no, no.
03:08It's just that...
03:09Maybe your inner child needs a root canal.
03:12This pandemic shelter-in-place thing can cause many ailments if you do not practice the self-care, Timmy.
03:18It's okay, Kevin.
03:19It's okay, Kevin.
03:20I'll be off in a second.
03:21Is that a...
03:22Cat?
03:23Yes, very observant.
03:25This is my cat, Kevin.
03:27Say hello to the nice tooth, Kevin.
03:30Hmm.
03:31Yes.
03:31Puppet G, you're talking to a stuffed toy.
03:34Hey.
03:35Hey, hey, shh.
03:37Kevin's very sensitive to words that might challenge his existence.
03:40I think somebody might need a psychiatrist.
03:44What are you nuts?
03:45This is a stuffed toy kitty cat, you silly bird.
03:48Oh, and speaking of birds, would you like to meet my pet turtle, Jimmy?
03:53Say hello to the nice tooth, Jimmy.
03:56Okay, what the H-E-double-toothpicks is going on over there, Puppet G?
04:00What?
04:00You're freaking me out, G.
04:02You're talking to stuffed toys.
04:05Are you having a spiritual crisis?
04:08No, I'm fine.
04:09It's all good, my friend.
04:11I do have a little trouble distinguishing days of the week, and I can't feel my legs and my sense
04:16of smell is completely gone.
04:17But other than that, you know.
04:19Stay right where you are, Puppet G. I'm coming over.
04:22No, Timmy.
04:23The scientists.
04:24Social distancing.
04:25You can't talk me out of it, G.
04:27You need help, and that's what friends are for.
04:30Okay?
04:30I'm on my way.
04:32I'm leaving the meeting.
04:33But, Timmy.
04:35No, it's okay, Kevin.
04:37He doesn't know where we live.
04:39Now, tell me more about this TikTok.
04:55Puppet G, it's me, Jimmy.
04:57Kitty cat, Kevin, Jimmy, turtle, hide.
05:00It's the tooth.
05:02I know you're in there.
05:04I can hear you talking.
05:05He's not here.
05:06He's recovering from spiritual bypass surgery.
05:09He's vulnerable.
05:10It's not safe.
05:11Go away.
05:13I know that's you.
05:14I'm concerned about your well-being.
05:17We're in the middle of a pandemic.
05:19I need to know that you're okay.
05:21Open the door.
05:22I'm not wearing pants.
05:25I have stuffed toys from China.
05:29Holy crap, what a cracker.
05:32Kitty cat, Kevin, turtle, Jimmy.
05:34He has cheap toys from China.
05:37Will Timmy's plan to use cheap stuffed toys work?
05:40Will Puppet G open the door?
05:42Will there ever be an actual ending to this guru molar saga?
05:47Timmy, you have an Amazon package on your front porch.
05:52Jiminy, it's my CBD oil.
05:54I'll call you from home, Puppet G.
06:19And second of all, I'm very concerned about my brand, G.
06:23I mean, I'm relevant. I'm essential. I mean, aren't all teeth essential?
06:29Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, sometimes one must bite off more than they can chew in order to digest the
06:35soul's intentions.
06:37Sure. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Plus, now I have Zoom fatigue.
06:45Well, to dance in the field of possibility, one must fall in love with not knowing.
06:51Okay, now, don't think so.
06:53Papi G, I'm pouring my heart out over here.
06:56Oh, sorry, Timmy. I'm very distracted. If I can just get my Quantum Vortex Spiritual Wormhole converted to work, this
07:04could save all of humanity.
07:07What the H-double toothpicks are you talking about?
07:11Imagine a world, Timmy. No more Zoom fatigue. Medicare for all.
07:17Mail-in voting. World peace. I'm going to Quantum Zoom Flurken to your house, my friend.
07:24You can't Zoom over here. We're in the middle of a pandemic.
07:28Okay, here we go. Control, Alt, Cap Lock, F Shift, Command, X, pow.
07:37Oh, Puppet G. You're not wearing a mask.
07:40Oh, poor Eureka, Timmy. It worked. Now if I can just reverse the virtual background Quantum Flux Flanken.
07:47Puppet G, you can't mess with the space-time Quantum Flurken.
07:51You're using my keyboard. Did you wash your hands?
07:56Yes.
08:04Puppet G, no.
08:06Help!
08:14Puppet G, what have you done?
08:24Oopsie. Oh, dear.
08:29Crap on a cracker.
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