- 1 day ago
Just A Dash - Season 3 - Episode 09: Dinner Party
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Short filmTranscript
00:04It's almost about to be Halloween time soon, you know?
00:07No.
00:08Yeah.
00:10I'm gonna go as the Riddler.
00:13I'm wearing my wedding dress, I think, this year.
00:17More gas!
00:25Whoa!
00:27Trick or treat!
00:29It was a bitch to find you, my friend.
00:35Whittle me this!
00:36Start that guy.
00:40Dude, this is a big up today, okay?
00:42Let's keep that to a minute.
00:43Oh, here we go.
00:44The sound guy's now the director.
00:46Oh, this is a good one.
00:47Yeah?
00:50What can't be touched but can be broken?
00:52Yes.
00:53I promise.
00:54Oh, okay.
00:55Don't tell them the answers.
00:56No, I know.
00:57Okay, I'll do another one.
00:58Okay.
01:09What runs around the whole yard without moving?
01:13I don't like that one.
01:15Whittle me this.
01:19What is the greatest year of cinema?
01:21Whittle me this!
01:22What is the greatest year?
01:241997 Titanic.
01:26No, wrong.
01:26What is the greatest year of cinema?
01:30Whittle me this!
01:31What is the greatest year of cinema?
01:37What is the greatest year of cinema?
01:451994.
01:47Four of the greatest films ever created in the history of cinema.
01:54The Mask.
01:56The Mask.
01:56Dumb and Dumber.
01:57Ace Ventura.
01:59Pet Detective.
02:00Ace Ventura.
02:01You don't have to say Pet Detective.
02:02It's Ace Ventura.
02:04Batman Forever.
02:06Four greatest movies of all time with the greatest actor of all time.
02:13Jim!
02:14What's his middle name?
02:17Hey Siri, what's Jim Carrey's middle name?
02:23One says James, one says Eugene.
02:25Jim Eugene Carrey!
02:28A fellow Canadian.
02:30Where's he from?
02:31Toronto?
02:31I think he's from Toronto.
02:32I think he's from a smaller town.
02:33Okay.
02:34Hey Siri, where is Jim Carrey from?
02:40New Market.
02:41New Market.
02:42New Market!
02:43One of the greatest cities of all of Canada.
02:47Jim Eugene Carrey was born.
02:51He gave us light.
02:52He gave us acting.
02:55And today, on Just A Dash, we are having a dinner party themed after the greatest year of cinema with
03:03Jim Eugene Carrey.
03:06I have chosen to wear my beloved Riddler, my favorite movie of all time, Batman Forever.
03:13What did you dress up as?
03:16Just going to work.
03:17Just going...
03:20Must be nice.
03:23Well...
03:28The great...
03:29I don't know.
03:30Is it scrunching into my eyelids?
03:33Should we put like a little bit of like cotton or something?
03:35No, it's okay.
03:36Because you have to wear that for 12 hours.
03:39I know.
03:40Because you don't have a big bridge on your nose.
03:42No.
03:43I have a nice little nose.
03:45Must be nice.
03:50Riddle me this.
03:54What do you need?
03:55I don't know, like beef and morgue?
03:57Oh yeah.
03:58Make a meatball?
04:02We don't have a mixing bowl on set.
04:05I'll just do that.
04:07I'm going to get you one.
04:08Okay.
04:09Matty.
04:09Yes.
04:10Do you think you're going to wear your hat for most of the...
04:12Okay.
04:14Sound guy, you look so good.
04:15Sound guy, what are you doing?
04:17You don't dress up the same as the host.
04:19That's a faux pas.
04:20There.
04:20Sound guy.
04:21How's that?
04:22I'm the co-host.
04:23You didn't make anything...
04:24We literally didn't make one of the dishes.
04:25We all know what you do.
04:27Okay, 20 seconds everyone.
04:28Just settle in.
04:29We're going to get 20 seconds of room tone.
04:34Settle, Andy.
04:37We have 50% pork, 50% beef.
04:40We want these to be spicy meatballs.
04:46That's a spicy meatball!
04:49So we're going to add dried chili flakes, cayenne pepper, a lot.
04:53Whoa, that's a lot of cayenne.
04:55We have some beautiful Calabrian chilies here.
04:57We're going to do fresh cracked pepper, a little bit of salt,
05:00dried breadcrumbs, two full eggs.
05:05I like putting fresh garlic, and I like putting garlic powder.
05:10Oh!
05:11We're going to add some onion powder.
05:12May I move this?
05:13Take day-old bread, get it all milky.
05:16You know what it's called?
05:17What?
05:17A panad.
05:18Riddle me this.
05:19What is day-old bread and milk called?
05:22A panad.
05:23A panad.
05:23When I'm hosting a dinner party, I like to cook with fabric gloves on too.
05:27The riddler doesn't take his gloves off because then you maybe could identify them.
05:30Riddle me this.
05:31How much cheese?
05:33One cup of parmesan?
05:35One cup of pecorino will do just fine.
05:39We can leave that big chunk for one surprise ball.
05:42We could, but we won't.
05:44Half an onion, box grated.
05:56And then, we just need parsley.
06:00And...
06:00No, fuck that, ew.
06:02Don't ever put basil in your stuff.
06:04I just put it for the tomato sauce in case you want.
06:06Then we'll balance it there.
06:08And then we're gonna add some olive oil.
06:13That much?
06:17Take the gloves off.
06:23No.
06:24No, take...
06:31The riddler doesn't listen.
06:33The riddler is the riddler.
06:36We can...
06:37Riddle me this.
06:40I think this is good.
06:42A spicy meatball.
06:44Let's switch them.
06:45It's actually, like, vial.
06:47I'm sick.
06:48No, no.
06:54No.
06:57Give me this.
06:58How much flavor can you get into small little gloves?
07:05This is how you treat your guests.
07:08Give them to me.
07:09Yes.
07:10Gross.
07:10Yeah, disgusting.
07:18Are these more of these clean rags?
07:20You've been cleaning...
07:20She's been cleaning these.
07:22Yeah.
07:22These are the rags she's been cleaning.
07:23Smell it.
07:24Are these small?
07:25What are these...
07:25Who are these made for?
07:39We don't want to get these in the meatballs.
07:40No.
07:42We're gonna make a really classic aribiata.
07:45It's a spicy tomato sauce.
07:51Chef, I'm ready for a riddle.
07:53Riddle me this.
07:54Do we have just tomato paste for the show we're making?
07:55What has a head and no brain?
08:00Uh...
08:00Wrong.
08:01We want to start off with some really nice olive oil.
08:03We just need half an onion.
08:05Chef, can I move this?
08:07Not too far.
08:08Just gently sweating our onions,
08:10and then we're gonna add our garlic.
08:12Cook that out.
08:13Our Calabrian chilis, our dried chili flakes,
08:15really create that heat sensation.
08:17Tomato paste.
08:20Riddle me this.
08:21Do we have just tomato paste for the show we're making?
08:24Oh.
08:25Absolutely.
08:26Just open your eyes.
08:27Riddler.
08:29And I like to use a passata.
08:31For sure.
08:37Dried chili flakes in.
08:39I forgot to add that.
08:40This is so itchy.
08:42Is my face red?
08:43What's Maddie?
08:45No.
08:46It's Jim Carrey.
08:49Alrighty then.
08:51Dude, I'm stoked on this.
08:52This is gonna be a spicy meatball.
09:02We need some EVOO.
09:03I want to kind of shallow fry these fuckers.
09:06That's a spicy meatball.
09:09What happened?
09:09Whoa, hot oil.
09:10Just splashed a little bit on my lid.
09:12Can you be careful, please?
09:13Yeah.
09:14Do we have any fresh basil?
09:15Now I would like some.
09:16You don't say.
09:19Imagine.
09:20The Riddler loves green.
09:24I just wanted some fresh basil, which I thought would be nice.
09:34Riddle me this.
09:38Just let you want to eat the meatball.
09:42No.
09:43No, because the meat.
09:44No.
09:44What?
09:45It was perfect.
09:46I want them to not even think about it.
09:49Think about what?
09:50If it's a spicy meatball or not.
09:52What?
09:52Mike is pulling my hair.
09:53Riddle me this.
09:54Can you just set me up for success for once?
09:57Let's pause for a minute.
09:59What should we put in the crab jet?
10:05Have you ever wondered what it would be like before?
10:12Oh.
10:13Oh.
10:14Without fear of letting go.
10:17Fear of letting go.
10:22Sea bass.
10:23Sea bass.
10:24Suck his ass.
10:24Sea bass.
10:25The guy who spits on the burger?
10:26Yeah, spits on the burger.
10:29I think that's great.
10:34That's a hot one.
10:36Has nobody seen the movies?
10:37We're going to be making the crudités, which is kind of a secret out of Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
10:44We've got the asparagus out of this.
10:46Whoa.
10:47Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
10:53Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
10:58Didn't think you'd be the one that I would get the mom.
11:09first get yourself some sticky canned crab that is really nice canned crab it is you doubt that
11:17I get you nice things you want a bowl it's rare make sure you get a can of crab in
11:22there
11:23one green onion one green onion to rule them all and just kind of cut up your
11:31salada we're gonna add some Old Bay we love Old Bay do you know that a Jewish man created Old
11:36Bay
11:36that was from Germany okay he was escaping Nazi Germany let's not get into any of that stuff okay
11:44some fresh cracked pat salt some salt we got some cream cheese a little bit of mayo a scoop of
11:50Dijon
11:51and then we're just gonna whip this up we're just gonna add a little bit at a time because I
11:56don't
11:56want this too many see yeah I'm just gonna cut the tips of those off and get rid of those
12:06forever
12:06and then we're just gonna peel our cucumbers I know it's cooling right you know funeral sandwiches church
12:18basement sandwiches high tea Jim Carrey dinner parties they're all the same I made you a Riddler themed
12:27all green crudités that's beautiful thanks you can do question marks yeah I'm gonna cut these into
12:35question marks you don't think that I can no I think we should just make the nice canapes with
12:39that question marks easy oh did you take a little piece of the question mark I did nice I wonder
12:45what
12:46piece I'm gonna get sorry excuse me but what's that that's a pub that's not mine that is not mine
13:07it's not mine it's clunged to that toothpick though whose hair is that that's a spicy hair
13:16I come from the toothpick factory fuck I don't know oh yeah there we go there we go whose was
13:22it
13:22I think it's Sean I think it's yours that hair fell straight from that fedora we're gonna start
13:28setting the table our guests are arriving shortly and then when we come back we're gonna make our
13:34final dish today is a long one there's truly no better day can you do an impersonation of
13:39Ace Ventura for us quickly to send us out please Michelle I'm Ace Ventura pet just edit that part
13:49out no I'm not doing an impression let's just call it I didn't spit we can edit it out don't
13:53ruin like
14:01I just and then he goes and now in reverse and I thought I was the only actor on the
14:09show I can't
14:10believe how good you did frittle me this is that from this is it oh where are those from from
14:22this you just did it the
14:24greatest absolute culinary scene of all time is in dumb and dumber we are gonna create a game a game
14:33of chance
14:34a game of life or death this is atomic burger we are gonna make a cheeseburger the atomic burger that
14:42got the gas man then we are going to play a dice game you're whipping it guys whoever wins doesn't
14:52have to eat the cheeseburger atomic chili I'm terrified if it's me I'm gonna eat the whole thing in two
14:58seconds come on dude this is legit because someone's gonna get fucked up yeah here we go I like this
15:05oh my
15:05gosh I'm getting heartburned from looking at that thing oh riddle me this riddle verse riddle
15:18you can't write this my hands are so sweaty I honestly think Sean wanted to eat it the least I
15:31have such bad
15:32heartburn more gas should I go get it oh we are here for the party are you from the plane
15:44I thought it was just us but hey I barely got the invite myself you didn't get the invite how'd
15:50you
15:50guys get here oh it's Michelle Michelle admitted us oh really I overheard so what you didn't invite
15:55did you invite anybody I didn't invite anybody I guess then come on in I guess then yeah what's it
16:00what's that oh well uh well it's for Maddie so Maddie who is that I bring you a treat by
16:07Trish
16:09smokey smoke it it sounds like you went to my house and got a cake from Trish somehow
16:14window was unlocked so you're the mask what are you well I am a liar liar I cannot lie that's
16:23that's
16:24not 94 they brought an upside down pineapple cake what did you bring Rick I brought the right costume
16:29from the right year buddy to save it man Batman forever came out in 1995 what what hey Siri Batman
16:39forever came out in 1994 right oh yep so shut up yeah probably wouldn't trust that I want to trust
16:46you
16:4794 what come on freak every day every day funny guy whoa whoa whoa no no no hold on where
16:53are you going
16:54they can't breathe you gotta actually help freaking out do you want to drink is it hot Sean is it
17:04hot
17:05Maddie of course it's hot the release date is June 9th 1995 what are you trying to do Rick I'm
17:15trying
17:15what are you trying to do I'm just trying to I've been trying to make a beautiful dinner party
17:19all day for me to my best friends like how insecure are you spicy meatballs he's been making
17:28it with a snake don't worry about that I've been making trying to ruin it I was just the you
17:33I was
17:34just trying to get your back so you don't look stupid everything good over there buddy just save
17:40it man why is your face painted green cuz I heard that's what he looked like he grew up Amish
17:45and then
17:45I keep trying to show him the mask and he gets scared because it reminds me of the devil like
17:49do
17:49you not listen I don't do you see that I'm trying to make a cooking show and then everyone is
17:53trying
17:53to ruin me toxic toxic yeah money these guys are fucking freaks you guys are virgins I feel well not
18:03by choice but yes Maddie's starting in a sex call no I'm not starting the sex call Sheldon is and
18:09we
18:09have sex with you have you called like your family to check in my phone is over there on airplane
18:14mode
18:15okay honestly why are you even on just a dash I don't know I'm sorry I'm still recovering
18:23tell me this what has three spikes and two tongues I'm just trying to help you out are you flirting
18:31what
18:31are you doing they'll probably uh head out maybe yeah maybe maybe these guys are scary these guys are
18:38really nice is it scary to watch every single thing that Maddie Madison has put out read every
18:43single book by him and want to live inside of his body so you don't have a god I'm pretty
18:49hurt too
18:49I'm gonna call it really okay Maddie let's go if these guys are you guys always try to ruin me
18:57no
18:57I don't read you she lies to you yeah she lies me I know liars mm-hmm we have gone
19:03through quite a bit
19:04yep give me my kids back you bitch he's been going through it I don't want you to go through
19:10it
19:11anymore if you guys sleep tonight and then you guys can be on your way you you know this is
19:17what
19:17I'm thinking yeah yeah we extend this motherfucker we do just a dash maybe every single week yes every
19:23week mhm yeah yeah
19:25yeah
19:26yeah
19:26yeah
19:28yeah
19:30yeah
19:30yeah
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