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Have I Got News for You - Season 4 US - Episode 01: Andy Richter, Janice Min
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00:20Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:22I am Roy Wood Jr.
00:23In the news this week, America's drunkest aunt
00:27makes wedding toast.
00:29All of you young people out there, keep having babies.
00:33That's my message tonight.
00:35Terminator, sent back in time, fails to complete mission.
00:38I was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy.
00:41U.S. Olympic ice dancing team takes shape.
00:45You're invited to podcast my team today!
00:51On Amber's team tonight, you know it from Conan.
00:54It's podcast Three Questions with Andy Richter
00:56and Dancing with the Stars tonight.
00:57He's going to do some verbal dancing with these stars.
01:00Welcome back to the show, Andy Richter.
01:04Hello!
01:06And joining team Michael, she's an Emmy Award winner
01:09who's worked everywhere from the Hollywood Reporter to InStyle.
01:13Currently, she's the CEO and Editor-in-Chief of Ankler Media,
01:16but apparently she still won't introduce me to Holly Berry.
01:20It's Janis Mint!
01:24Let's do it in 2026.
01:27Now, for the biggest stories of the week for the first time this year.
01:30Amber, Andy, watch the clips.
01:32Okay.
01:32Tell me, what is the story?
01:35Okay, so Trump tries to clap on beat.
01:37He can't.
01:38Words too small for him to read.
01:40Right.
01:41And, oh, man, the price of groceries.
01:43Oh, groceries.
01:44Oh, have they gone down?
01:45Oh, okay, yeah.
01:47It's a year of this Trump term,
01:50and we're in the shitter.
01:53You know, the shitter is a relative assessment,
01:56but I'll give you points.
01:58Yay!
01:59Yes.
02:00The story is the first year of Trump's second term
02:02is behind us one down,
02:04only 39 more years to go.
02:08And this week, the president reminded us all
02:10that he literally wrote the book on accomplishment.
02:14These are all...
02:15Each line is something that we did.
02:17Nobody did that before.
02:19And it's big stuff, too.
02:22Look, we have the hottest country in the world.
02:26I would certainly agree
02:29that nobody has done what he has done.
02:31I would agree with that.
02:33I would agree with that.
02:34He said he's accomplished some things in the first year.
02:36He's compiled them all into a book.
02:38Let's hear some of the accomplishments.
02:41And this is something...
02:42Ooh, I'm glad my finger wasn't in that sucker.
02:45They could have done some damage,
02:46but you know what?
02:47I wouldn't have shown the pain.
02:49I would have gone back.
02:50Wait, did you hear that?
02:52That was nasty.
02:54But I would not have shown the pain.
02:56I would have acted like nothing happened
02:58as my finger fell off.
03:00Are we sure his finger isn't falling off, though?
03:03That was obviously his first encounter
03:05with office supplies.
03:08I mean, people say that there aren't accomplishments,
03:10but if you want to see accomplishments
03:12under this term,
03:14just look at what the president has done
03:15with Washington, D.C.
03:17D.C. is now...
03:18You can walk right from here to a restaurant
03:20to right through the center of town.
03:22You can be with your child,
03:24with your loved one,
03:25with your lover.
03:27Your lover's not going to be killed anymore,
03:30so you can act like a real lover.
03:32Was he saying you could walk to a restaurant
03:35with your child...
03:37Mm-hmm.
03:38...comma...
03:42It's not all binders full of accomplishments.
03:45According to a fact-check by The New York Times,
03:48quote,
03:48falsehoods fueled Trump's first year back in office.
03:53What?
03:56Trump made a lot of promises
03:57to win the 2024 election,
04:00so we're going to do a little fact-checking
04:02to see what promises he kept
04:04and which promises he broke
04:06and whether or not it matters.
04:08First one,
04:09Trump was in Switzerland this week
04:11for the World Economic Forum,
04:13so let's start with the U.S. economy.
04:16Here's Trump on the campaign trail back in 2024.
04:20Starting on day one,
04:21we will end inflation
04:22and make America affordable again.
04:25It's not affordable now.
04:26People are dying.
04:27They can't afford bacon.
04:29They can't afford anything.
04:30That was terrible
04:31when people were dying from bacon starvation.
04:35That was terrible.
04:36Where are we now with inflation?
04:39Is America affordable again, Amber?
04:41Well, if affordable,
04:44means hard to purchase,
04:47then yes, he really has.
04:49I mean, look who he surrounds himself with, right?
04:51Billionaires, the wealthiest people.
04:53Janice, I have to interrupt
04:54because you're talking about affordability
04:56and I keep staring at these gorgeous diamond earrings.
05:00Michael!
05:01What?
05:01I said they're gorgeous.
05:03They're embarrassing me!
05:04In front of my new friend!
05:06They're gorgeous.
05:07That's what I said.
05:08I like they're gorgeous.
05:09Trump had that to say in 2024 about the economy.
05:12Let's see where we are right now.
05:13President Trump has still not made good
05:15on his day one promise to lower grocery prices.
05:18Despite his claims that they're going down,
05:20grocery prices actually rose.
05:232.4% for Americans over the last year.
05:26My judge of the economy is how many of my comedian friends
05:29on Instagram are now trying to sell themselves doing cameos.
05:35We are in the toilet.
05:38Andy, ask Michael if he's on cameos.
05:44The administration is still very hard at work on the economy,
05:49especially grocery prices.
05:51In fact, Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins
05:53went viral this month
05:54with some grocery price calculations of her own.
05:58Question?
05:59What daily meal does Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins
06:05say only costs $3?
06:08Two Costco hot dogs.
06:10Healthy meal.
06:11Oh, one Costco hot dog.
06:15It was, she described it as a piece of chicken,
06:19a corn tortilla, a piece of broccoli,
06:23and something else.
06:27Let's hear it from Brooke.
06:29It can cost around $3 a meal
06:32for a piece of chicken, a piece of broccoli,
06:34um, you know, corn tortilla, and one other thing.
06:39What the fuck does this bitch eat?
06:42We said before the show we weren't gonna curse,
06:44and we...
06:45Oh, what the...
06:47Let's start over.
06:48Let's start over.
06:49Okay, now we're not gonna cuss.
06:50And also, how do you go to the grocery store
06:52like, one floret?
06:53Right.
06:55Now, the economy has always been one issue
06:58with the president in the first year.
06:59The other issue, some would say the biggest issue,
07:02is immigration.
07:03Now, ICE has their sights set on the state of Maine.
07:07Christy Noem's DHS, they love to give
07:09little cutesy operation names to what ICE is doing.
07:12In North Carolina, it was called Operation Charlotte's Web,
07:16and in Florida, it was called Operation Tidal Wave.
07:19Mm-hmm.
07:19What is the new operation name
07:21for the immigration movement
07:23that's gonna be happening in the state of Maine?
07:25Operation what, Epstein Files?
07:31It's called Operation Catch of the Day.
07:34Wow.
07:35Oh, my God.
07:36Oh, fuck them.
07:37Oh, yes, because when you get
07:38a bunch of ICE agents together,
07:39it is known as a shrimp fest.
07:43Uh...
07:45So, Trump has kept some of his promises
07:47and broken others,
07:48and there's a binder full of accomplishments,
07:50but it's on the floor.
07:53Uh...
07:53Question, how has everything
07:55that Trump has either done or not done
07:57affected his popularity in his first year?
08:01Poorly, right?
08:02Okay.
08:0235% approval rating?
08:04Uh, here's, uh, CNN's Harry Enten,
08:06uh, breaking down
08:07how America feels about Trump right now.
08:10The only person who is even lower
08:13than Donald Trump when it comes to
08:14his net approval rating at this point
08:15into term number two is Richard Nixon.
08:18And according to those Epstein Files,
08:20that's not the first time Trump's been under Bubba.
08:30Is it possible for the president
08:33to turn this around in his third term?
08:38I mean, you know, like,
08:40I think the thing that confounds me
08:42is, like, he's a lame-duck president, right?
08:45And you still have all the Republicans around him
08:49just terrified.
08:50I think it's terrifying to them
08:51to think that they're gonna, um,
08:54like, incur his wrath.
08:55And I mean, there are things
08:56that have happened in our culture now
08:58where people are getting, like,
08:59judges are getting shot at their homes, right?
09:01Like, that, um,
09:02he will, like, run Marjorie Taylor Greene
09:05out of office.
09:05Like, it is...
09:06All right, so he's done some good things.
09:09His plan is to do whatever the toot he wants
09:12for four years,
09:14and then, right before the next election,
09:18he's going to offer everyone $1,700,
09:22like before.
09:23And then people are gonna be like,
09:24well, $1,700.
09:27Michael and Janice, watch the clip.
09:28Tell me, what is the story?
09:30Oh, there's that same guy.
09:32Yeah.
09:32Uh, I don't know what flag...
09:34Oh, is that Greenland's flag?
09:35Or Denmark's?
09:36I'm gonna say this is about Greenland.
09:40Final answer.
09:41Points.
09:42Yes.
09:43Yes.
09:44Trump says we need Greenland, quote,
09:47for the purpose of national security.
09:49Sure.
09:50He's been obsessed with Greenland since 2019,
09:51telling a Times journalist, quote,
09:53you take a look at a map,
09:55I love maps.
09:56And I always said,
09:58look at the size of this.
09:59It's massive.
10:00That should be a part of the United States.
10:03Why does Trump think Greenland is so huge?
10:08When he holds his hand up to the map,
10:10he's like, wow.
10:12Part of why Donald Trump thinks that Greenland
10:14is so damn big is because of something called
10:16the Mercator Projection.
10:17It's a map-making distortion that makes Greenland
10:19look bigger than even Africa.
10:22Even though, in reality,
10:24Africa is 14 times larger
10:26than Greenland.
10:28What made Trump so angry
10:29that Greenland became a priority for him?
10:31He wrote this fascinating message
10:33to the prime minister of Denmark,
10:37or Norway,
10:38saying, hey,
10:39you didn't give me the Nobel Peace Prize,
10:41so I guess I gotta take Greenland.
10:43Here's what he texted
10:44the prime minister of Norway last weekend.
10:47Dear Jonas,
10:48considering your country
10:49decided not to give me
10:50the Nobel Peace Prize
10:51for having stopped eight wars plus,
10:53I no longer feel an obligation
10:55to think purely of peace.
10:56What is the problem
10:58with Trump's argument in that regard?
11:00He...
11:01He's the opposite of peace?
11:04The government of Norway
11:05does not give out
11:07the Nobel Peace Prize,
11:08as Norwegian Prime Minister
11:11Jona Garstor said in a statement,
11:13quote,
11:14I have clearly explained...
11:16That's my...
11:16That's my Norwegian accent.
11:19I like that accent.
11:19I have clearly explained,
11:20including to President Trump,
11:22what is well known.
11:23The prize is awarded
11:25by an independent Nobel Committee
11:27and not the Norwegian government.
11:30Stop fucking calling me, man.
11:35How do Greenlanders feel
11:38about maybe becoming
11:40the 51st state?
11:42Well, all 12 of them
11:44got together and said,
11:45uh-uh, no way.
11:47Here's a Greenlander explaining
11:49why Trump's plan
11:50is dumb as hell.
11:51We wouldn't give up
11:53free health care.
11:53We wouldn't give up
11:55free education.
11:56We don't really value
11:58cash and Kardashian lips
12:00and fake boobs
12:02and stuff like that
12:02very highly.
12:04Well, that's going too far.
12:06Why does she have
12:07to drag us like that?
12:10You know why
12:10they don't value
12:12vapid plastic surgeries
12:13up there?
12:14It's because
12:15they're everybody in a coat.
12:16You can't see that ass.
12:19But it all came to a head
12:20earlier this week
12:22at a World Economic Forum
12:23in Davos
12:24where Trump laid out
12:25his master plan
12:26for territorial expansion.
12:28Take a look.
12:29Everyone talks about
12:30the minerals.
12:31There's so many places.
12:32There's no rare earth.
12:34No such thing as rare earth.
12:35But there's so much rare earth.
12:38And this is to get
12:39to this rare earth.
12:40You settled other wars
12:41that were
12:41Vladimir Putin
12:43called me
12:44Armenian
12:46Aber
12:46Bajan.
12:47Do I have
12:49dementia
12:50or does he?
12:52You don't know
12:53about rare earth?
12:55Rare earth?
12:56You ain't never heard of rare earth.
12:58Rare earth?
12:58Rare earth.
12:59Rare earth.
13:00Rare earth.
13:00It's so important
13:01these days.
13:02You gotta get that
13:02rare earth.
13:04Question.
13:05Does anyone know
13:06what happened
13:07after Trump's speech
13:08on Wednesday
13:09that may have proven
13:11his strategy
13:11about Greenland
13:12right or wrong?
13:14Honestly,
13:14I have no idea.
13:15They started to negotiate,
13:18right?
13:19And Denmark
13:20kind of gave
13:21some concessions
13:22like you can come over here
13:23and we invite you
13:24to build some military bases
13:26that already exist
13:27plus some
13:28and then
13:29what else am I missing?
13:31Nothing.
13:31That's it.
13:32That's it.
13:34Here's CBS
13:35with the details.
13:36Based upon
13:36a very productive meeting
13:38that I have had
13:38with the Secretary General
13:39of NATO,
13:40Mark Ruto,
13:41we have formed
13:41the framework
13:42of a future deal
13:43with respect to Greenland
13:45and in fact
13:45the entire Arctic region.
13:47This solution,
13:48if consummated,
13:49will be a great one
13:50for the United States
13:51of America
13:52and all NATO nations.
13:54Why would you say
13:55consummate?
13:55Why can't you just say
13:56we did it?
13:57Mm-hmm.
14:00Is Greenland
14:01the 51st state
14:02officially now?
14:03Well, I mean,
14:03the stock market collapsed
14:04when he got aggressive
14:05about Greenland
14:06and then because Trump
14:07always has to present
14:08everything as a win,
14:09then the next day
14:11he can say
14:11there's a deal,
14:12you know?
14:12Here's NATO Secretary
14:14General Mark Ruto
14:15on Fox
14:16with the answer.
14:18Greenland still,
14:20is it still under
14:21the Kingdom of Denmark
14:23in this framework deal?
14:26That issue
14:27did not come up anymore
14:28in my conversations
14:29tonight, Mr. Pleasant.
14:30What's going on
14:31with the details?
14:32The details didn't come up.
14:33He also said in that too,
14:34which he said this before,
14:36we have the framework
14:37of a deal.
14:38Oh, he said
14:38we have the framework
14:39for a future deal.
14:40Yeah, the framework.
14:41Framework just means
14:42an empty adult diaper
14:45of nothingness.
14:46But when talking
14:47about Trump,
14:48the adult diaper
14:49is rarely empty, Andy.
14:52Oh, my God.
14:54Details of the deal
14:55are scarce,
14:55but the reviews
14:56of Trump's time
14:58in Davos
14:59are pouring in.
15:00How do you think
15:01our friends
15:02at Fox News
15:03felt about
15:05Trump's appearance?
15:06They think
15:06he consummated
15:07that appearance.
15:10Here's Greg Gutfeld
15:12on the issue.
15:13Love him or hate him,
15:14when he leaves that room,
15:16everybody there
15:17felt like
15:18America First
15:19threw up
15:20all over them.
15:21I don't disagree
15:22with that analysis
15:23at all.
15:25And that's somebody
15:26who likes Trump.
15:27What did Trump
15:28launch this week
15:30to replace
15:31our international
15:33alliances?
15:34It's some fun name,
15:36like the peace police,
15:37the peace group.
15:38Peace posse,
15:39peace posse,
15:39final answer.
15:40On Thursday,
15:42Donald Trump launched
15:43the Board of Peace.
15:46Yes.
15:46Trump led
15:47a signing ceremony
15:49for the Board of Peace
15:50saying it would
15:50work on peace
15:52in the Middle East
15:53and hinting
15:54at wider ambitions.
15:55B-O-A-R-D
15:56or B-O-R-E-D?
15:58Oh, that's good.
16:01Are you
16:01Board of Peace?
16:04Hit him
16:05with a missile.
16:06So far,
16:07the countries
16:08that have accepted
16:09the invitation
16:10to join
16:11the Board of Peace
16:12include
16:14Bahrain,
16:15Azerbaijan,
16:16Bulgaria,
16:16Hungary,
16:17Kazakhstan,
16:18Kosovo,
16:18Mongolia,
16:19Saudi Arabia,
16:20and Uzbekistan.
16:21Oh, wow.
16:22Some good names
16:23on that.
16:23It's a peaceful name.
16:24We got Bahrain.
16:25We got Kosovo.
16:26Is it Azerbaijan?
16:28Yeah, yeah.
16:29Azerbaijan.
16:30Let's see
16:31how Trump
16:31pronounces it.
16:32Ab-er-bay-john.
16:34Any foreign word
16:35out of his mouth
16:35sounds like
16:36a stripper name.
16:37Oh, my God.
16:39Please welcome
16:39to the stage,
16:41Azerbaijan.
16:41Ab-er-bay-john.
16:45She stands
16:46in November rain
16:47by Guns N' Roses.
16:49It's Azerbaijan.
16:50Oh, my God.
16:51Now,
16:52we know who's in,
16:53but which countries
16:54have denied
16:56to join
16:57the Board of Peace?
16:57Declined
16:58every other country.
17:00Several countries
17:01have declined
17:02Trump's invitation
17:02to the Board of Peace,
17:03including France,
17:05which resulted
17:06in Trump saying
17:07he would put
17:07a 200% tariff
17:09on wine
17:10and champagne.
17:11Yeah,
17:12you don't want
17:13to join
17:13my super friends,
17:14bitch?
17:15I'm gonna tax
17:15all of that
17:16Ziffindale.
17:17Oh, my God.
17:18That was Ziffindale.
17:20Ziffindale!
17:20Ziffindale!
17:23Now,
17:24coming to the stage,
17:25Zinfindale!
17:35Welcome back.
17:36It is time
17:37for the Offend-o-meter.
17:39Teams have to tell us
17:40who's the offender,
17:41what they did,
17:42and who they offended.
17:43Let's see your offender,
17:44teams.
17:46Oh,
17:46that's Eric Swalwell.
17:47It is.
17:48And who did
17:49Eric Swalwell offend?
17:51Eric Spitwell?
17:52Oh!
17:57Put your hand up.
17:59Put your...
18:03I'm gonna go
18:03with Eric Spitwell.
18:06Swalwell offended
18:07congressional Republicans.
18:09Oh, my God.
18:10Now,
18:11how did he offend?
18:12Oh,
18:13this one I know.
18:14He called
18:15them all liars
18:15and phonies
18:17because...
18:17But that's true.
18:18...because they make fun
18:18of Trump behind his back.
18:20Oh, yeah.
18:20But yet,
18:21they insulted all
18:22the January 6th police
18:24that were there.
18:26Yeah.
18:26Points.
18:27I did.
18:28Oh, yeah.
18:30Spitwell was pretty good,
18:31though.
18:33Congressman Swalwell
18:39offended Republicans
18:40in Congress
18:41by calling them out
18:42in a congressional hearing.
18:44To their face,
18:44on Thursday,
18:45former special counsel
18:46Jack Smith testified
18:47before the House
18:48Judiciary Committee
18:49about his investigations
18:51into Trump.
18:52And during those hearings,
18:54Congressman Swalwell
18:55let his real feelings fly.
18:57My Republican colleagues
18:58are a joke.
19:00They're wrong.
19:01History will harshly judge them.
19:03These guys are so lucky
19:04they're not under oath
19:05because they would have to tell you
19:07what they really think of Trump.
19:09They call him crooked.
19:11They call him cruel.
19:13They call him a scumbag.
19:15I've heard you all say it,
19:16but when the lights go on
19:17and the cameras are on,
19:18you're tiny.
19:19You're small.
19:20You shrink.
19:23Just saying,
19:25this is a man
19:26trying to get elected
19:27to be governor of California
19:29now, right?
19:30So, like,
19:31has he been saying this all along
19:32or only in the campaign year?
19:34So what?
19:35I know.
19:36Let him say stuff like that
19:37that then gets put out there
19:39and then other people
19:40get brave enough
19:41to say shit like that.
19:42Points for that
19:42because no one's saying it.
19:43Yes, yes.
19:44Okay.
19:44Fair.
19:45But if he's ultimately
19:47trying to run on something
19:48that he just recently
19:49started platforming,
19:51does he seem sincere to you?
19:53Ain't none of them
19:53motherfuckers sincere.
19:55It's not up to this guy.
19:57Let him say the good thing
19:59we need this country
20:00to be doing.
20:01Let him have it.
20:02Let us at least hear it.
20:03Let it fall on my ears
20:04and bring me an ounce of joy.
20:07Yep.
20:08Now, what was the purpose
20:09of that hearing?
20:10Oh, it was Jack Smith.
20:11It was the final report
20:13on the January 6th stuff.
20:14Yes, yes, it was.
20:15The hearing was to review
20:16the work of Jack Smith's
20:17Office of Special Counseling
20:19and their investigation
20:20into one Donald Trump.
20:21And while the testimony
20:22was happening,
20:24Donald Trump threw
20:25one of his signature
20:26truth social temper tantrums
20:28saying things like,
20:29quote,
20:30deranged Jack Smith
20:31is being decimated
20:32before Congress
20:33and Jack Smith
20:35is a deranged animal
20:36who shouldn't be allowed
20:38to practice law.
20:40It's kind of a sign
20:42of progress
20:42that he called a white man
20:43and animal.
20:44It's just nice
20:45to spread it around.
20:47Oh, my God.
20:48Now, question,
20:49uh, given Trump's
20:51measured thoughtful response,
20:53what do you think
20:54Jack Smith might have said
20:56during the hearing
20:58about the president?
20:59That bitch is a crook.
21:01Here's to former
21:02special counsel
21:03making one thing
21:04very clear.
21:06President Trump engaged
21:07in a criminal scheme
21:08to overturn the results
21:10and prevent
21:11the lawful transfer of power.
21:12President Trump illegally
21:14kept classified documents
21:15at his Mar-a-Lago
21:16social club.
21:17Our investigation
21:18developed proof
21:19beyond a reasonable doubt
21:20that President Trump
21:22engaged in criminal activity.
21:24That guy is deranged.
21:25Animal.
21:27Now, there were,
21:28there were a lot
21:28of interesting things
21:29that happened at this hearing,
21:30but there was one key moment
21:32involving the Capitol Police,
21:33and before I play this clip,
21:35question to the panel,
21:37if you had the chance
21:39to confront
21:40your mortal enemy
21:42at a congressional hearing,
21:45what would you say to them?
21:47I would say,
21:47go fuck yourself.
21:53I mean,
21:54I, I, I,
21:55I'm just spitballing.
21:56Or swallowballing.
21:59There's a moment
22:00in the hearing
22:01when Republican Congressman
22:02Troy Nail
22:03speaks directly
22:04to the officers
22:05who fought to protect
22:07members of Congress
22:08during the January 6th uprising.
22:10And, uh,
22:12let's just say
22:12those officers
22:14don't agree with him.
22:15I would like to quickly
22:16address the police officers
22:18on January 6th.
22:19I can tell you,
22:20gentlemen,
22:21that the fault
22:22does not lie
22:23with Donald Trump.
22:24It lies
22:25with Yogananda Pittman
22:27and the U.S. Capitol
22:29leadership team.
22:30We know,
22:31we know
22:32they had the intelligence.
22:35What's up?
22:42I thought you were kidding.
22:44What?
22:45What?
22:47Okay.
22:48Okay.
22:50Also,
22:51bonus points
22:52for covering his mouth.
22:54Could have been any.
22:55Because measles is back.
23:01It's going around.
23:02All right,
23:03let's see your offender.
23:05Who's this?
23:06Oh, oh.
23:06Oh, that is a greasy child.
23:09Oh.
23:10Is that?
23:11Yeah, it's Brooklyn,
23:12Brooklyn Beckham.
23:13Brooklyn Beckham?
23:14Oh, yeah.
23:15Yeah, yeah.
23:15I just learned
23:16who this was this week.
23:18I'm so caught up
23:20in black people gossip,
23:21I just would slip
23:22through the cracks.
23:23I'm sorry,
23:24we're too busy
23:24having Tayanna Taylor
23:25discourse in the black
23:27community right now.
23:28That is British media
23:29personality
23:30and a pot dealer
23:31in every after-school
23:32special.
23:35Brooklyn Beckham,
23:36pull him back up again,
23:37does he not?
23:38Yeah, yeah.
23:39Oh, my God.
23:41That's shiny Brad.
23:42He looked like the dude
23:43in the Lifetime movie
23:44who'd walk up to the,
23:45where are you going,
23:46Olivia?
23:46Yeah, yeah.
23:48He's not abusive,
23:49he's just firm.
23:50Yeah.
23:50What are you doing?
23:53Who did Brooklyn Beckham
23:55offend?
23:56His parents.
23:57Mm.
23:58Yes, he did.
23:59Brooklyn Beckham
23:59offended his parents,
24:01Victoria and David Beckham,
24:03seen here saying,
24:04we saw you from across the bar
24:05and wondered if you...
24:09wanted to know
24:09if you wanted to buy
24:10some Botox.
24:12For $1 million.
24:14So we know
24:15who he offended.
24:16How did Brooklyn Beckham
24:17offend?
24:18I only know this story
24:19because my wife read it to me
24:20from her phone in bed.
24:21But, but, like...
24:23That was exciting.
24:24But, Andy,
24:25like, no one understands it still.
24:27No one really understands
24:28what this is about.
24:29I'm not 100% sure
24:30what happened,
24:30but this is what I heard
24:32during lunch.
24:33Mm.
24:34The woman said
24:36that she wanted
24:37the first dance
24:38with her son.
24:39She danced with him
24:40inappropriately.
24:41That made everybody
24:43feel bad
24:44and embarrassed her son.
24:45Brooklyn Beckham
24:46first took to Instagram
24:47earlier this week
24:48to share some truth bombs
24:50about the family.
24:51Mm-hmm.
24:51In an Instagram post
24:53that I can only
24:54describe as
24:55if War and Peace
24:56was somehow
24:57the introduction
24:58to an even longer book.
25:00He tears into his parents.
25:02He said all types of stuff
25:03in all of those swipes.
25:04He said things like,
25:05quote,
25:05my family values
25:07public promotion
25:08and endorsements
25:09above all else
25:09and Bran Beckham
25:11comes first.
25:13He's saying that
25:14basically the family
25:15only cares about
25:15making money
25:16on some Kardashian-type stuff
25:17and I don't really
25:18think that's true
25:19because just a quick look
25:20shows that
25:21the Beckham family
25:22has only done ads
25:23for, you know,
25:24Brill Cream,
25:25Pepsi, Adidas,
25:26something called Vodafone,
25:28Uber Eats,
25:28perfume,
25:29watches, whiskey,
25:30skincare,
25:31a fashion line.
25:32I'm sorry,
25:32that's all we have time
25:33for to mention right now.
25:35Do they do cameos?
25:39Because that is
25:41the mark of desperation.
25:43Brooklyn went on
25:44in his Instagram post
25:45to say that his family
25:46was not happy
25:46with a particular person
25:48in his life.
25:49Who is that person?
25:50Andy Richter.
25:51Oh, the wife.
25:51Yes.
25:52It's Brooklyn's wife,
25:54Nicola Peltz-Beckham,
25:55senior about to sneeze.
25:58Here's what happened
25:59at what was supposed
26:00to be the happy couple's
26:01first dance.
26:02My mom hijacked
26:04my first dance
26:04with my wife.
26:05Mark Anthony called me
26:06to the stage
26:07where my mom was waiting
26:09to dance with me instead.
26:11She danced very inappropriately
26:13on me in front of everyone.
26:14Danced inappropriately
26:15on me.
26:17Yeah, yeah.
26:18She was backing it up, dude.
26:20Yeah.
26:21It's actually kind of sweet
26:22for you to drag
26:23your entire family
26:25for your brand new wife.
26:27That's nice.
26:28Here's the Beckham's
26:29wedding DJ,
26:31Fat Tony.
26:33Here's Fat Tony
26:35earlier this week
26:36setting the scene.
26:37Mark Anthony
26:38was performing on stage.
26:40He then called
26:41Brooklyn onto stage
26:43where the next minute
26:44it was everyone
26:45was expecting
26:46it to be Nicola
26:47to go up
26:48and do the first dance.
26:50And then he asks
26:50the most beautifulest woman
26:52in the room
26:52to come to the stage.
26:54And then he says,
26:55Victoria,
26:56come to the stage.
26:57I was expecting
26:57I heard fat.
26:58I was not expecting it.
27:00He should be called
27:01Ozampictone.
27:04He was fat
27:05before he took
27:06all that E.
27:06My God.
27:09Where's the video?
27:11When do we see this?
27:11Now, the description
27:13is one thing
27:13but this is a moment
27:14you have to see
27:15to believe
27:16but unfortunately
27:17even TMZ claims
27:19that the wedding dance
27:21video will never
27:22be seen
27:23ever.
27:24But that's what
27:25they think
27:26because here
27:26at Have I Got News
27:27for you
27:28we've obtained
27:29exclusive access
27:32to some salacious
27:34dance footage.
27:35Roll it.
27:54That was a friend-o-meter.
28:08Welcome back.
28:09It's time for
28:11Lie Curious.
28:12I give you
28:12three biographical details
28:14about a public figure
28:15but only one is true.
28:16You have to guess
28:17which is the truth
28:18and which are odious,
28:20unspeakable lies.
28:21Time now for three facts
28:23about recently promoted
28:24CBS News anchor
28:26and...
28:26Oh, my God.
28:27man who has
28:28the perfect Joe line.
28:30Tony DeCoppo.
28:31Our facts are
28:32he bought a Pez dispenser
28:33in every state.
28:34His father was
28:36a marijuana kingpin.
28:37He's the reigning
28:38East Coast champion
28:40of How I Met
28:41Your Mother trivia.
28:42Wow.
28:43Which one is the truth?
28:45It's Pez.
28:45That jumped out
28:46to me too, right?
28:47Like that's such a nerdy
28:48news dude thing to do.
28:50Yes.
28:50Marijuana kingpin.
28:51Final answer.
28:52Marijuana kingpin over there.
28:53Pez.
28:54Pez.
28:54Tony DeCoppo's father
28:55was a marijuana kingpin.
28:57What?
28:58What?
29:01I'm 420 friendly.
29:03Oh, my God.
29:05A marijuana kingpin
29:07or as NPR's fresh air
29:08so eloquently put it.
29:10If you smoked
29:11Colombian weed
29:12in the 1970s and 80s
29:14our guest Tony DeCoppo
29:16would like to thank you.
29:17He says you paid
29:18for his swim lessons
29:19and kept him in the best
29:20private school
29:21in South Florida.
29:22Oh, my God.
29:23But don't worry
29:24even after serving
29:25a little bit of jail time
29:26DeCoppo's dad
29:27gets to enjoy life
29:28as he turns a question
29:29about the money
29:30he made selling weed
29:32into talking about
29:33what he's really into.
29:353 million maybe
29:364 or 5 million.
29:38Most of it, he says
29:39went to feed his addictions
29:41to drugs and women.
29:43It was just fun.
29:44I mean, I love women.
29:45I love to be around them
29:46but I never get a chance
29:48to do that
29:48so I'm estranged from them.
29:51In the present
29:52but you had a nice run.
29:54Oh, my, oh, my.
29:57Wow.
29:59Oh, my God.
30:02Say something.
30:02When a man closes his eyes
30:04to remember that thing.
30:06Oh, that was a good one.
30:08He remembered her so well
30:10it made his mustache
30:11lean in the side.
30:15Time for three facts
30:16about Minnesota senator
30:17and a woman
30:18who isn't going
30:19to let you leave
30:20till you try her
30:21tater tot hot dish.
30:23Amy Klobuchar.
30:25The senator was in the news
30:26this week
30:26when she filed paperwork
30:28to run for governor
30:29of Minnesota.
30:31Our facts about
30:32Amy Klobuchar are
30:33she carries jumper cables
30:35in her purse.
30:37She forbids anyone
30:39on her Senate staff
30:41from getting her hairstyle.
30:43Wow.
30:44She raised $17,000
30:46from ex-boyfriends
30:47for her Senate campaign.
30:49I like that one.
30:50I want all of these
30:51Which one is the truth?
30:52Yeah, yeah.
30:52I want her to forbid people
30:55from getting her hair cut
30:56because that's fun.
30:57My eyes for the one
30:58to number three.
30:59I agree.
31:00Maybe in the first
31:00Senate campaign
31:02she reaches out
31:02to her exes
31:03and they sent her
31:04a very little amount
31:05of money.
31:06Amy Klobuchar
31:07raised $17,000
31:09from ex-boyfriends
31:10for her Senate campaign.
31:13Here she is
31:14talking about it
31:15in 2019.
31:17I set a Senate record
31:18one year
31:20by raising $17,000
31:22from ex-boyfriends.
31:25I did that.
31:27Oh, my God.
31:29Amy just calls you up.
31:30Hey, Jimmy, it's Amy.
31:31He goes,
31:32Mm.
31:37How much you need
31:38for him?
31:43It's time for
31:44missing words.
31:47Here's your headline.
31:48Blank could protect
31:50your brain
31:50and prevent Alzheimer's.
31:53Helmets.
31:54What I wanted to be
31:56is alcohol.
31:58Is it alcohol?
31:59Yeah, yeah.
32:01Rory, is it alcohol?
32:02Sniffing your own
32:03farts.
32:04No.
32:06Could protect
32:06your brain.
32:08Oh.
32:08And prevent
32:09Alzheimer's.
32:10Wow.
32:11I'm going to live
32:12forever.
32:18I like it.
32:19It's sniffing.
32:20Like, that's way
32:21more active
32:22than smelling.
32:23Sniffing, it means
32:24you liked it.
32:25Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:25Oh, my God.
32:26Yuck.
32:26The scientists gave
32:28mice Alzheimer's symptoms
32:29and then exposed them
32:30to a gas
32:31which we call
32:32hydrogen sulfide.
32:33It's what makes
32:34your farts
32:34fart.
32:35It's what makes
32:36it funky.
32:37Researchers observed
32:38that mice exposed
32:39to the gas
32:40regained better memory
32:41function
32:41and were physically
32:43more responsive
32:44than the control group.
32:45Can I just beg you
32:47to cut this
32:48from this episode?
32:51No.
32:52You're ruining
32:53my life, Roy.
32:55That's been
32:56Missing Words.
33:09It's time for
33:10Meet in the Middle
33:11where we find
33:11common ground
33:12between two different
33:13people who would
33:14never, ever
33:15be caught hanging out.
33:17Right on one side,
33:18we got Melania Trump,
33:19Jean Smart,
33:20Conor Story,
33:21and Kim Kardashian.
33:22And on the other side,
33:24Kamala Harris,
33:25Vladimir Putin,
33:26Mitt Romney,
33:27and Charlie Sheen.
33:29Can I just ask
33:30a clarifying question?
33:31This guy,
33:32is he from
33:32that heated rivalry?
33:33Is that who that guy is?
33:34Conor Story, yes.
33:35He's from that
33:35gay porn show
33:36on Netflix.
33:38It's a hockey show.
33:40Is it, though?
33:42Yes.
33:43There's a lot of fucking.
33:47First up,
33:48we've got
33:48smokes bottles.
33:50Which two of these
33:51people have both
33:54advertised cigarettes?
33:55Melania?
33:55Was she in
33:57a cigarette commercial
33:58before she got here?
33:59That's a possibility.
34:00It's not good,
34:01and you don't need
34:02the money.
34:02It's not the hockey guy.
34:05He's just a hockey guy.
34:07Yeah.
34:08I think it's
34:09Jean Smart
34:09and Charlie Sheen.
34:10Okay.
34:11I also like your idea
34:12that Melania
34:12may have done
34:13cigarette commercials
34:14in Azerbaijan,
34:17Slovenian,
34:17Salem,
34:18if you will.
34:19Right.
34:19Let's have Melania.
34:21Okay.
34:21For the black Russian.
34:22The only thing is
34:27we're going to go
34:28with Melania
34:28and Putin.
34:29Charlie Sheen
34:30and Melania Trump.
34:32What?
34:33Pepper.
34:34Those been in ads
34:35for cigarettes.
34:37Melania appeared
34:37in a 1997 print ad
34:39for Camel cigarettes.
34:41Wow.
34:41And Charlie Sheen
34:43appeared in a Japanese ad
34:44for Parliament cigarettes
34:46in the early 90s.
34:48Please watch.
34:48Yes.
34:49Yes, please.
34:49Why everything's
34:51the same
34:53as it was.
34:56That's so glamorous.
34:57So glamorous.
34:59Next up,
35:00we've got
35:00Hexy Grandmas.
35:02Which two of these people
35:03descended from
35:04accused witches
35:05at the Salem witch trials?
35:08Oh.
35:08Oh.
35:09My eye went
35:10right to Mitt Romney.
35:11Yeah.
35:12That seems right,
35:13doesn't it?
35:14He's got some witch in him.
35:15And then I want to go
35:15with Jean Smart.
35:16Let's go with Jean Smart.
35:17I would do Jean Smart.
35:17I think Mitt Romney
35:18is right.
35:19Yeah.
35:20And I think it is
35:21Connor.
35:21Connor's story.
35:22Yeah, Connor Cutie.
35:23Mitt Romney
35:24and Jean Smart.
35:26Wow.
35:26They won again.
35:28Both descended
35:29from accused witches.
35:31Mitt Romney
35:32is a descendant
35:33of accused witch
35:34Rebecca Nurse.
35:35Oh, she was
35:36the worst of them.
35:38Would anybody
35:39like to guess
35:39the name
35:40of the accused witch
35:41that Jean Smart
35:44descended from?
35:45Oh, imagine
35:45if it was
35:46Hannah Einbinder.
35:48That'd be cool.
35:50The accused witch
35:51that Jean Smart
35:51is descended from
35:52was named
35:53Dorcas Whore.
36:02That's the Latin name
36:04for a slutty nerd.
36:08Here's Jean
36:09learning about
36:09Great Grandma Whore.
36:11What we have here
36:13is a document
36:13that explains
36:14items that are
36:15suspected to be stolen
36:16by Dorcas Whore,
36:18your eighth
36:19great-grandmother.
36:20Whoa.
36:21A well-grown pig.
36:23Does that mean
36:24just a big pig?
36:25Yeah.
36:27Cat burglars.
36:28I come from
36:29cat burglars.
36:30That sounds like
36:31a Hogwarts stripper.
36:33Yeah, yeah.
36:33Now coming to the stage,
36:35Dorcas Whore.
36:36Dorcas Whore.
36:39All right,
36:40let's do
36:41Flaw and Order.
36:42Which two of these
36:43people have both
36:43failed the bar exam?
36:46Oh.
36:46Well, we know
36:47Kim Kardashian.
36:47Kim Kardashian.
36:48Famously.
36:49Famously.
36:50And it has to be
36:52Kamala Harris.
36:53Putin has never
36:54failed at anything
36:54in his life.
36:55No, no.
36:56In Russia,
36:57bar fail you.
37:00Kim Kardashian
37:01and Kamala Harris
37:02have both
37:03failed the bar exam.
37:04You can read
37:05all about it
37:06in Kamala's book.
37:06Don't you pin
37:07this shit on me.
37:08It wasn't my fault.
37:11And because
37:12she is a Kardashian,
37:14there is footage
37:15of the exact
37:16moment
37:17Kim found out
37:18she failed.
37:24I didn't make it.
37:25How do you know?
37:26How do you know?
37:27It says fail.
37:30She's the sharpest
37:31knife in that drawer.
37:33We didn't get to
37:34Conor Story and
37:34Vladimir Putin,
37:35but they both
37:36do a Russian accent
37:37and they both
37:38have too many pictures
37:39without their shirts on.
37:40More after the break.
37:50I'm not going to
37:51watch it.
37:52That's the news.
37:53Welcome back.
37:54It's time for
37:54Which is Higher?
37:56Seems I'll give you
37:56two unrelated numbers
37:57from the news.
37:58You tell me
37:59which is higher.
38:00All right.
38:01The number of women
38:02who have served
38:03on the Supreme Court
38:04since its creation
38:05in 1789
38:06or the number of men
38:08who have hosted
38:09Family Feud.
38:11Oh, wow.
38:12That's great.
38:12Okay, so let's get down
38:14to business.
38:15Steve Harvey.
38:16Richard Dawson.
38:17Richard Dawson.
38:18The guy with the gap tooth.
38:20Louie Anderson.
38:21Ray Combs.
38:22Ray Combs.
38:23Ray Combs.
38:24Yeah, Ray Combs.
38:25Oh, and Richard...
38:26And Richard Karn did it.
38:27Oh, Richard Karn.
38:30Now from Home Improvement.
38:31It might be a tie
38:32because I think
38:33there's five women, right?
38:34Sandra Day O'Connor,
38:36Kagan,
38:37What's-Your-Face Brown,
38:39And Steve Harvey.
38:40Sotomayor,
38:41and Steve Harvey.
38:42I think it's five.
38:43And Comey Barrett.
38:44The number of
38:45female Supreme Court
38:46justices is six.
38:48Oh.
38:49Sandra Day O'Connor,
38:50Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
38:51Ginsburg.
38:51Sonia Sotomayor.
38:53Ginsburg.
38:54Ellen Kagan.
38:55Amy Coney Barrett
38:56and Ketanji Brown Jackson.
38:58The number of
38:59Family Feud hosts
39:00is seven.
39:02Oh.
39:04Richard Dawson.
39:05Ray Combs.
39:07Louie Anderson.
39:08Richard Karn.
39:09What is that?
39:09John O'Hurley.
39:11John O'Hurley.
39:11Steve Harvey.
39:13And Al Roker.
39:14Al Roker?
39:15When?
39:16When did that happen?
39:17Al Roker did
39:18about two years
39:19of Celebrity Family Feud.
39:21No way.
39:21It doesn't count.
39:22It's the feud.
39:24It counts.
39:25That doesn't count.
39:26This is CNN.
39:26We're about facts.
39:27All right.
39:29Did you ever do
39:29Celebrity Family Feud?
39:30You did Jeopardy?
39:31Yes.
39:32We did Celebrity Family Feud
39:33and we lost
39:34and my wife didn't speak
39:35to me for a week.
39:37What?
39:39Question to the panel.
39:40Who's your all-time
39:40favorite Family Feud host?
39:42It is Steve Harvey.
39:44Steve Harvey
39:45crushes them all.
39:47I like Steve Harvey
39:48because he, like,
39:49makes you feel good
39:50even with a dumb guest.
39:52It's okay, player.
39:53Nobody else guessed it
39:54but you believed in yourself.
39:57Y'all didn't win
39:58no money at all
39:59but it's okay, big dog.
40:01I don't know.
40:02We can always argue
40:03who the best host was
40:04of Family Feud
40:05but I think we all know
40:06who the favorite contestant was
40:10of Family Feud.
40:11Everybody,
40:12let's go meet
40:13the Ruffin family.
40:15Let's go.
40:16Thank you so much
40:17for asking me,
40:18Steve Harvey.
40:18I've never made love
40:19in a blank.
40:21Bed.
40:22Bed?
40:23That's right, bed.
40:24I'm sorry.
40:28Look at his face.
40:31He was not having
40:32my shit at all.
40:35That was Witches High.
40:44It's time for a new game
40:46we call
40:47Who's That Baby?
40:49I'll show you
40:50a famous person's
40:51baby picture
40:52and you tell me
40:53who that baby is.
40:55Here are your clues.
40:56They're part of a shipping
40:57and railroad dynasty.
40:59They had cameos
41:01in the movie Chappy
41:02and Batman vs. Superman.
41:03What?
41:04And they're not
41:05a big drinker
41:06except famously
41:08once a year.
41:10Oh, Anderson Cooper.
41:11Anderson Cooper.
41:11Anderson Cooper.
41:12Oh.
41:13That baby
41:14is Anderson Cooper.
41:16Yay.
41:17That was Who's That Baby?
41:19I want to thank our guest
41:20Andy Richter.
41:21Janice Lynn.
41:22And of course
41:23thank you to our team
41:25captains Amber Ruffin
41:26and Michael Ian Black.
41:28Before we sign off
41:31here are a few more stories
41:34we're watching.
41:35Jamiroquai
41:36announces new tour.
41:41Congratulations to the
41:42makeup team from
41:43Frankenstein
41:44for their well-deserved
41:46Oscar nomination.
41:51I'm Roy Moore Jr.
41:52And I'll see you next week
41:53on another episode
41:54of How to Back
41:54to the News.
41:55And it's been 38 days
41:56since I last shaved my beard.
41:59Good night.
42:04Can we see you next week?
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