00:05On the way here I was looking at one poem, thinking about the person who I'd lost and
00:12loved, Tony Slattery. A tear came because when you connect an exposition of grief in
00:19words and you place yourself with that person, it's that unique relationship that nobody
00:25else is ever going to know. We're very lucky in a lifetime to have those few friendships.
00:30It's rare. He caught the imagination because he said the unsayable. He was anarchic but
00:37alluring but then he had his issues and he would just disappear. A person doesn't just
00:42live in success in a lifetime. I know him as well for when he wasn't successful.
00:48I'm Helen Lederer. This poem is called Sunflowers by Harry Baker. Ideally, I would like a hundred
00:55benches, every single one of them facing the sea. If that's too much faff, I'd settle for
01:02the one somewhere in Margate, somewhere you can come and sit and think and be. I don't
01:09need a fancy pot to keep my ashes, just find a decent spot where there's a breeze. So the
01:15next time someone gasps at all the wonder in the world, a part of them is breathing in
01:22a part of me. At my funeral, I'd like there to be sunflowers, a truly inconvenient amount,
01:30for I too will have spent a lifetime searching for the light and I don't see a reason why that
01:36should stop now. For the food, just keep it veggie. For the drinks, serve up Negronis. If I pretend
01:44to like them, you can do the same. For the wake, if people want to chat, then I am all
01:49for that.
01:50But just in case, make sure a corner's stacked with games. Don't let anyone apologise for crying.
01:57It's honestly my favourite thing to do. Just make sure everybody knows how much I loved being alive.
02:05The only thing that I loved more was loving you. Speaking of which, if you are free,
02:11then I would love you to be there. But if you can't, because you're dead, that's not your fault.
02:16To be honest, neither of us quite makes sense without the other. I still think we'll die together
02:23like a cult. And if anybody says I've gone to a better place, that is a kind and very well
02:30-intentioned
02:31lie. For there can be no better place than in a room with all my friends.
02:37Just promise we'll do this again the other side. Side note, let's also do this loads before we die.
02:45And by the time it comes around, maybe I'd hate it. I'll live for ages. And these tastes will change
02:52with time. But one thing that I know that I will always find amazing is what a thing it is
02:58to live
02:58a life. PS. Let's also do this loads before we die. I love the self-awareness of people lying.
03:09You know, you know, first of all, when people talk about sunflowers, you go, oh, that's a bit,
03:13uh, and then it goes serious. And then he talks about a truly inconvenient amount, which is the kind
03:20of line that Tony would love. When I celebrate loss, not a paradox I now see, I will think of
03:29Tony Slattery.
03:31I will remember just laughing, hugging, just the warmth. Tony just was there for me.
03:38I'm afraid I know. There's a lot of ways to hang around and spend my time there.
03:44But in the end of the day I believe, it's a bit, it's an attempt, it's a bit, it's a
03:44bit,
03:45it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a
03:47bit.
03:47So, yeah, let's do this.
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